Martial Arts Advice

[jewellsmommy]

1st part: Dh and I have been considering putting dc into a martial arts class. We are trying to ascertain rather or not the self discipline and control taught would be helpful for our new ds (7.5 yrs old). The concerns: he is ADHD, very little impulse control, aggressive, and comes from a background where he has had to fend for himself physically. He is the size of a 5 yr old (wears size 5) and I don't know if that has added to the need he feels to 'avenge' himself often. He doesn't attack hard but he meets every action/attitude that he doesn't like with a hit, kick, pinch or push. So, given this, my first thought was that martial arts would be bad; a license to hit and kick. But, I remember that they teach big on discipline and self control and thought that could be helpful.

 

So, give me anecdotal evidence/stories/experiences.

 

2nd part: My brother is trying to convince me that Brazilian Jiu jitsu is the best way to go. My concerns: it is more like wrestling and dd has hypermobility issues which make her joints weak because they are soo flexible. Db says karate/taekwando would have them kicking/punching each other and that would be bad. And I'm thinking, "yeah headlocks and choking is soo much better?" :001_huh: He did make some good points, but we watched some kids in a jiu jitsu you tube video and dh is not thrilled about his dd rolling around the floor with her legs wrapped around the head of some boy like the little girl in the video. He knows there is nothing *inappropriate* but I guess its a daddy thing. Has anyone chosen BJJ for their dc? What about karate or taekwando? Which to choose IF we decide martial arts are good thing?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I voted for tae kwando. Tae kwando stresses self control, respect, etc. (as you mentioned) and great stress is put on it not being used to hurt others. It focuses on defense. All kicking/sparring is done with chest/head protection on.

[jewellsmommy]

I voted for tae kwando. Tae kwando stresses self control, respect, etc. (as you mentioned) and great stress is put on it not being used to hurt others. It focuses on defense. All kicking/sparring is done with chest/head protection on.

 

Yes, this is the type of thing I want focused on. I am not trying to make superb fighters, you know?

 

I also like the idea that if ds feels equipped, that he is capable of defense, maybe he would not feel as though he has to push people around, kwim? Or am I just dreaming here? Does this make sense?

[engu]

After reading your message, I voted for "other".

 

Firstly, I believe that a good instructor takes a philosophical approach to martial arts. After martial arts is an art form, and you're looking for a good artist. He/she has a humble opinion and sees his/her skills as changing and incomplete. He/she continues to learn, perfect and improve their skills. Self control, respect, outlook on life etc. is part of his/her belief system, and it is this belief that gets passed on and makes discipline and self-control meaningful and possible for the students. One way you can separate the wheat from the chaff is to ask a few basic questions, listen and see what makes them tick i.e. How do you block a punch? How do you kick? How should you breathe? Does he/she speak with passion, in detail and with humility? What about the class? Was the instructor able to pass on his/her own passion for the art?

 

Having said that, I went into martial arts (Tung Su Do - a form of Korean martial arts) for 6 years at the age of 10. While kids my age enrolled for various reasons - cool, self defense, fitness etc. What kept me going was my instructors passion. He passed his philosophical ideas and skills. During the six years, we continued to refine our punches, kicks, blocks over and over. We learnt the use of weapons and competed in tournaments. The students were one in mind and heart, they were as passionate and believed wholeheartedly in their sport. The discipline also kept me out of trouble, fit and focused on what I was doing. Martial Arts isn't everything, but it played an important role in guiding me through my teen years.

[AK_Mom4]

Tae Kwon Do is the martial art that my kids have all done for years. DS19 has his 2nd degree black belt, ds15 has his 1st degree, and dd17 has her candidate belt. DD9 is progressing (very slowly).

 

It's pretty good at helping with self control (which both my ds struggled with), endurance, and is pretty good physical exercise. I think you can get a similiar result with karate as well.

 

If you are worried about the physical contact part with your ds's history, I would avoid the wrestling styles. Our kids actually had very little physical contact with other children in their TKD classes until they had progressed to the intermediate belts.

 

Definitely attend a few classes and see how it goes before oyu make a decision!

[jewellsmommy]

Tae Kwon Do is the martial art that my kids have all done for years. DS19 has his 2nd degree black belt, ds15 has his 1st degree, and dd17 has her candidate belt. DD9 is progressing (very slowly).

 

It's pretty good at helping with self control (which both my ds struggled with), endurance, and is pretty good physical exercise. I think you can get a similiar result with karate as well.

 

If you are worried about the physical contact part with your ds's history, I would avoid the wrestling styles. Our kids actually had very little physical contact with other children in their TKD classes until they had progressed to the intermediate belts.

 

Definitely attend a few classes and see how it goes before oyu make a decision!

 

Thank you, this is exactly what I was thinking! I want the foremost focus to be on controlling self. I know that the physical contact will come and that is part of the point of martial arts but I want that to come later after all the discipline part. :D

[dm379]

If you don't want physical contact, stay away from BJJ. DH used to fight and he would walk away injured sometimes. DH wants the kids to switch from tkd to bjj because he says it will teach them more street fighting and self defense than their current tkd does.

 

So if your kid went to ps and needed to defend herself I would say bjj. :lol:

Edited January 1, 2011 by dawn8500
I wish my spell checker worked

[hsmamainva]

Another vote for Tae Kwon Do!

 

My oldest daughter and youngest son have their black belts and they love TKD!

[Peela]

My experience is of some karate and some taekwondo, and I think either of those would be fine.

But it is really totally dependent on the school and the teacher. There is a range out there. There are schools that really focus on teaching kids and adults to fight and you can graduate up to using some pretty nasty weapons. And there are others for whom the fighting is only ever self defence, if ever, and its all about the discipline and self control and awareness. A good teacher is a wonderful, wonderful asset to a child's life and it sounds like your son woudl benefit from it, to me. What is realyl wodnerful, though is if a parent (or both) also does the class. I did a class with both my kids for 6 months and it was great. (We were over committed though in other areas and decided karate was the thing to go.)

[GinaPagnato]

I have 2 black belts in the home, and one thing their Tae Kwon Do instructors have taught them from the very beginning of their lessons is that if someone is messing with them, they are NOT to use any of their fighting techniques. They are to get away from the person as quickly as possible to avoid a fight. That being said, if there is no other option, they should look for a way to quickly defend themselves, then get away. TKD is the Korean form of self-defense, and the instructors emphasizes "self-defense" as opposed to aggression.

 

Discipline, self-control, and respect for others is paramount in their studio.

 

I have one ADHD kid, and he has no problem in classes, and has never used his abilities to hurt others outside of class (sparring class is a different story, lol). In fact, I overheard him talking with a friend the other day who was just *begging* him to fight (this is how boys have fun!), and ds said "no" over and over. He later told me that his friend had no idea what he was asking ds to do, since ds knew he could really hurt his friend. Which of course he didn't want to do.

 

So, it does depend on the instructor, but from our experience over the years, TKD breeds respect, self-control, and discipline.

[JudoMom]

I voted other.

 

You should really check out a bunch of studios and find a teacher who focuses on self-discipline. There are studios whose focus is whipping kids through the program so the kids (and parents) can satisfy their desire for a black belt, but don't really teach much. The martial art is only as good as the teacher and their philosophy.

 

Obviously, I'm partial to Judo. Mat work in Judo is a bit similar to BJJ (though the rules are different). The focus in Judo is on standing technique (using your opponent's momentum to throw them--there is no kicking or hitting), but there are chokes (after 13) and arm bars (after 17) in mat work. Judo is good for self-defense. While a weapon will obviously trump any fighting skill, I like knowing that I have some skills if I'm ever attacked, and I like knowing my boys (who are all very small--my ds11 weighs only 50 pounds) have the same skills. The skills aren't based on strength, but on getting your opponent off balance to take him down. To address your dh's concern about mat work, it is a bit troubling until you get used to it. When I began, I would only do mat work with the other females in my club. Now I'll do mat work with most anyone. I've learned to not panic if someone is on top of me, and I've also learned how to escape and choke. I've escaped and pinned men who are 200+ pounds. Hopefully I'll never have to field test my skills, and there's a chance I would be overpowered anyway, but at least I've got something in my pocket for defense, which boosts my confidence as a woman, iykwim.

 

All that said, I wouldn't enroll my kids in BJJ, and I won't take it myself. I've worked out with some BJJ players, and am not interested in having all the joint locks repeatedly done to me (or my kids, though I don't know what the rules are for joint locks and kids in BJJ) for recreation. My older 2 sons have learned some arm bars (they've been taking Judo for 5 years), though they can't do them in fighting practice or competition. My ds10 is double jointed, which means he won't feel the arm bar until it's too late--so one of the Senseis or I have to watch to tell him when to tap.

 

But, the most important part of picking a martial art is finding a teacher and club who will reinforce the behavior and attitude that you want them to learn.

[coffeegal]

I voted other.

 

You should really check out a bunch of studios and find a teacher who focuses on self-discipline. There are studios whose focus is whipping kids through the program so the kids (and parents) can satisfy their desire for a black belt, but don't really teach much. The martial art is only as good as the teacher and their philosophy.

 

:iagree:

[Suzanne in ABQ]

We have chosen Shorin Riu Karate. It is "kata based". All moves are choreographed. There is virtually no sparring. They punch and kick a rubber dummy named Bob. They learn the katas individually, then they practice them with partners in a slow and controlled manner. Twice a month they do weapons practice, which the kids really like. They practice with a bo (stick), sai (a round dull knife like thing, shaped like the greek letter psi), or numchaku (sometimes erroneously called num-chucks).

 

Self-control is highly stressed, and public display is highly discouraged. Our dojo is non-competitive. They do no tournaments, no competing at all. They have all day seminars twice a year for intensive training. The belt testing is done on an individual basis, away from the rest of the class. Family is encouraged to attend the testing, but it is private.

 

If you can find a dojo like this, I think it would be a perfect fit for both your kids.

[kwg]

We started Aikido a couple of months ago and have been very pleased. Look into that!

[PiCO]

I agree with Judo Mom- you should check out all local studios and see what their school philosophy is, and see if their teachers follow the school philosophy.

 

I think most people will "vote" for you to do their martial art, if they are happy with it. BUT- they are really happy with their studio, not the specific art form. If you can find someone in your town to recommend a studio, that would be best. (But still check it out first.)

 

Brazillian Jujitsu sounds cool to me, but I'm not sure it would be best for your dd based on what you said about her joint flexibility and the holds they do.

[Desert Rat]

We have been involved in Taekwondo for 5 years. We attend classes 2-3 times a week.

I can only speak for our school, but these are the things I like:

1. Self control is highly stressed.

2. TKD focuses on protection and defense, not offense.

3. I have seen my eldest son's confidence and coordination grow.

4. In our school, sparring is on a seperate day. It's mandatory to attend a few classes to attain the next rank, but not required to attend every week. Kids who enjoy the forms are encouraged to enter tournaments solely for forms. Kids/adults who enjoy sparring and fighting are encouraged to take that path.

 

From a martial arts/fighting standpoint taekwondo lacks grappling skills. For instance, if I were attacked and was taken to the ground, TKD doesn't give me much training in how to escape from this point. I know quite a few adults who earn their black belts in TKD then move on to Judo or another martial arts form. This, IMO, is where mixed martial arts originated.

 

Over the summer we had to use another teacher's space for practice. I got a first hand experience on how different teachers can be. This Master was harsh and unyielding, even with small children. She brought many of them to tears. While this may be "traditional", it's not what I like. She was excellent with adults, however.

Our Master is kind and gentle with kids. He seems to be able to "read" their personalities quickly and understands which kids need a firm hand and which need kit gloves. My eldest is a cryer and Master G has always handled him with kindness and respect. This is why my son enjoys it so much. This is why we stay.

There is nothing wrong with the firm type of teacher, but not for our family. So, I think as much as picking an art form, finding a great fit with the teaching style is equally important.

HTH

[MaMa2005]

Tae Kwon Do is the martial art that my kids have all done for years. DS19 has his 2nd degree black belt, ds15 has his 1st degree, and dd17 has her candidate belt. DD9 is progressing (very slowly).

 

It's pretty good at helping with self control (which both my ds struggled with), endurance, and is pretty good physical exercise. I think you can get a similiar result with karate as well.

 

If you are worried about the physical contact part with your ds's history, I would avoid the wrestling styles. Our kids actually had very little physical contact with other children in their TKD classes until they had progressed to the intermediate belts.

 

Definitely attend a few classes and see how it goes before oyu make a decision!

 

 

:iagree: DS takes TaeKwonDo and at the end of each class the students all say, "I promise to use TaeKwonDo in class and to escape from strangers. I will not use TaeKwonDo to cause trouble." Important concept.

[Laura Corin]

I had one child in each of Karate and Taekwondo. I would look for the best studio (through your own observation and reports from friends) rather than being too worried about which discipline to choose.

 

Laura

[Rosy]

I think the style of martial arts is not nearly as important as the school/instructor. I would ask questions like:

 

*How does a student advance? (avoid schools where kids automatically advance after a certain amount of time or money--advancement should be based on ability)

*How well do your students do in competition? (a good school will have a number of students who outperform other students of the same age/amount of training)

*What resources are available for a student who is driven/excelling? (you want a school that nurtures talent and has options for adding practice time and/or private lessons)

 

Also, watch a practice or two to find out:

*Do the senseis work individually with students on form, etc.?

*Do they seem to favor one student over another?

*What is the dynamic between higher belts and lower belts?

*Do kids goof off in class? What is the consequence for that, if any?

*Is there an attitude of respect?

 

I was extremely fortunate to stumble onto our dojo (karate)--it is part of a non-profit karate organization and the instruction my DD gets is excellent. But it's good because our lead sensei is an incredible teacher who inspires excellence in the students and has a great team of senseis that work with him. There are many karate schools that aren't any good.

[Jean in Newcastle]

We went and observed a couple of classes at our dojo before signing ds13 up for taekwando. We specifically signed him up because of the respect, self control etc. that we saw being modeled and taught there. I would also suggest that you do the same.

[AnitaMcC]

My kids and Dh do Kung Fu. Now, I really don't know much about it... I just take the kids and watch. Kung Fu is not as aggressive of a martial arts from what I can tell. Alot of blocking and counter attacking. Just my observation.

 

I would think any martial arts taught by a good instructor will emphasize control, discipline, and honor. So I am thinking that you Ds will learn how to control his anger (I think that is what he is feeling when he acts out) and give him more self confidence.

 

Good luck!!

[Haiku]

My dad teaches tae kwon do and pentjak silat, which is stick fighting, and I have kids who were adopted and have/had emotional issues.

 

I would not put an aggressive, newly adopted 7 1/2 year old in martial arts. If he is struggling with emotional and post-adoption issues, I honestly don't think that the discipline taught in a martial arts class would get through to him. You have to have some degree of maturity, imo, to make the connection between martial arts and self-discipline, and it sounds like your little guy might not have it. And if you end up with a less than excellent teacher, you could easily end up with a kid who feels that the teacher is the enemy.

 

I would wait on this one until your ds is more settled and mature and has dealt with some of his emotional issues.

 

Tara

[AnitaMcC]

I agree with Judo Mom- you should check out all local studios and see what their school philosophy is, and see if their teachers follow the school philosophy.

 

I think most people will "vote" for you to do their martial art, if they are happy with it. BUT- they are really happy with their studio, not the specific art form. If you can find someone in your town to recommend a studio, that would be best. (But still check it out first.)

 

Brazillian Jujitsu sounds cool to me, but I'm not sure it would be best for your dd based on what you said about her joint flexibility and the holds they do.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Corraleno]

I would look for the best studio (through your own observation and reports from friends) rather than being too worried about which discipline to choose.

:iagree: with everyone who said the instructor & the school are more important than the discipline.

 

My kids take Tae Kwon Do and love it, but if the same instructor taught karate I'm sure they would love it just as much. The emphasis is very much on self-control, self-discipline, and respect, and the instructor is very firm but also really warm and encouraging, so all of the kids feel successful whether they progress rapidly or slowly. My DS has ADD, sensory issues, anxiety, and very low self-esteem, and TKD has helped him so much. I've seen great improvements in self-control, tolerance for frustration, physical coordination, and self-confidence.

 

I also think it's really important for boys to have male mentors outside the family, men they look up to and want to do well for, such as a scout master, 4H leader, martial arts instructor, etc. That's why it's so important to find the right program and the right instructor, not just choose a discipline and join the closest dojo/dojang — the instructor may become a big part of your child's life and one of his major role models.

 

Jackie

[LG Gone Wild]

I didn't vote because I would have my kids doing them all. There is no magical cure for behaviour in the sports themselves. It's all about the studio.

 

I suggest BJJ only because it's hard and wears a person out very quickly. Boys wrestle anyway. Builds the body nice and strong.

[saja1029]

Both of my sons take Isshin Ryu karate (one has ADHD). I highly recommend it. I was really worried about the discipline part, but it was never a problem.

 

The instructor is really important, as others have stated. We talked to ours and let him know what my sons status was. It has worked out great:)

[Snickerdoodle]

Our dojo doesn't let children do BJJ.

 

I didn't vote because I would have my kids doing them all.

Me too.

 

<I agree> with everyone who said the instructor & the school are more important than the discipline

 

Me too.

[ocelotmom]

Firstly, I believe that a good instructor takes a philosophical approach to martial arts. After martial arts is an art form, and you're looking for a good artist. He/she has a humble opinion and sees his/her skills as changing and incomplete. He/she continues to learn, perfect and improve their skills. Self control, respect, outlook on life etc. is part of his/her belief system, and it is this belief that gets passed on and makes discipline and self-control meaningful and possible for the students. One way you can separate the wheat from the chaff is to ask a few basic questions, listen and see what makes them tick i.e. How do you block a punch? How do you kick? How should you breathe? Does he/she speak with passion, in detail and with humility? What about the class? Was the instructor able to pass on his/her own passion for the art?

I agree with this - I'd observe classes (including how students, especially the higher level students, interact during breaks or before and after class), talk to the instructor(s), and choose based on how I felt about the individual instructor(s) and studio in general rather by the specific style. Choose one that seems to match up well with your personal goals and preferences. This is much more important than which style you choose, because there's going to be a wide range of quality of instruction and individual philosophy in any style.

[jewellsmommy]

Thank you everyone. My friend and I are going to go observe some taekwondo and karate places together. She has a ds and dd close in age to my 2. I am still not 100% sure that I am going to enroll them but I want to see some places in action. If I do then my friend will enroll hers too and the kids can all take it together. Upon further discussion with dh and research (including you all :001_smile:), I will not be doing the bjj at this time.

[rafiki]

.

[~cindy~]

My son has ADHD and he does Akido...nothing like a sharp sword to improve his concentration:lol: Not really, they generally use a wooden padded sword and only bring out the sharp one every once in a while ;) :)

 

I have observed him in his class and I think it has been wonderful for his self discipline and his focus. My son is not aggressive though and the others that he learns with are all teenagers who understand that while my son is a big boy nearly the size of some of them, he does not have the maturity or impulse control that they have.

 

I think it has helped Lucas so much that I am looking for a more hands on one for him as well but I am unsure of which one to choose. I don't think a kicking one would be good for my son though....I don't know why but I feel he is more impulsive with his feet?