Question about c-sections

[springmama]

If a mom has a c-section on a Sunday morning, should she be left alone at home with her newborn for 12 hours on Thursday while her husband is at work from 3pm to 3am? She's taking blood pressure meds and insulin if that makes any difference.

 

Although we barely know each other, I am the only family or friend she has in the area. I know nothing about c-sections. Would I be imposing by going over there to help out while her husband is at work? She won't ask for help and she'll say yes out of politeness if I offer.

 

Also, she's in the hospital tonight and her dh is at work and won't be arriving at the hospital until 4am. How important is it that I go sit with her? I have no idea what it's like to be alone in a hospital after a c-section. My last hospital birth was 16 years ago and I went home the next day. I'm totally clueless about what her needs might be.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I've never had a c-section, but yes, I would go and help her. (actually, I'd go and help her even WITHOUT a c-section being in the mix, but after surgery....OHYEAH!)

[teachermom2834]

My 4th baby was my 1st C-section and it was awful. Any help whatsoever will be a blessing for her.

 

I don't think people understand how serious C-sections are because so many people have them.

 

I also thought I would be fine without dh in the hospital overnight because the nurses would be there for me. However, it was so busy that not only were they not there to help me but they were too busy to keep dd in the nursery. I had to care for dd all by myself all night in the hospital on the second night after the c-section. I am very lucky that no one got hurt that night. I actually nearly dropped my baby from the bed to the floor. It was awful.

 

I would help in any way I could. The mom might not even realize that she needs it. I was too loopy to demand help in the hospital. I should never agreed to take care of my baby all night by myself. I just wasn't in my right mind and I didn't realize how serious the surgery was.

[Sophia]

I've had two c-sections.

Definitely go help her.

[Mom-ninja.]

She just had major surgery. It would be great to help her.

[Country Mouse]

Yes, please go help her. I'm sure she will appreciate it very much.

[JudoMom]

My first was a c-section, and my recovery was fairly easy (I actually went shopping the week he was born).

 

Unless I knew you really well, I don't think I would've wanted you to come over. Bring meals, yes, but come and visit and help? Most likely not.

 

But that's just me. I didn't have a clue what I was doing, and I prefer to puzzle through new things on my own.

 

I'd suggest visiting her in the hospital, and try to get a feel for what she'd like.

[Annie]

I was still having trouble standing up and sitting down while holding baby at that point, although my uterus did tear during surgery and I had pushed for seven hours beforehand, both of which made recovery worse. I would go help. You will be a blessing.

[LazyDazy]

Helping her while she is at home would be my priority. If you can do both, even better. My first c-section knocked me out pretty much for three or four days (after being released from the hospital). I had trouble staying awake to care for my newborn. However, my second c-section didn't seem to have the same effect and I was fine the day after the surgery. In this case I would err on the side of caution.

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

If a mom has a c-section on a Sunday morning, should she be left alone at home with her newborn for 12 hours on Thursday while her husband is at work from 3pm to 3am? She's taking blood pressure meds and insulin if that makes any difference.

 

Although we barely know each other, I am the only family or friend she has in the area. I know nothing about c-sections. Would I be imposing by going over there to help out while her husband is at work? She won't ask for help and she'll say yes out of politeness if I offer.

 

Also, she's in the hospital tonight and her dh is at work and won't be arriving at the hospital until 4am. How important is it that I go sit with her? I have no idea what it's like to be alone in a hospital after a c-section. My last hospital birth was 16 years ago and I went home the next day. I'm totally clueless about what her needs might be.

 

I would go sit with her for awhile tonight for sure. I wouldn't worry as much about Thursday. I was up walking the same day with my 3 c-sections. Maybe you could plan to check in on Thursday around 7-8. The baby will be sleeping a lot.

[AuntieM]

Two sections here.

 

Go. Bring food, including chocolate brownies.

ETA - Oops, forgot about the insulin part! I really just meant bring her something that would be considered "comfort" food.

 

Just be prepared to do anything that comes up, from actually helping with baby to helping with housework.

 

You don't have to tell her that while she napped you folded laundry or scrubbed a toilet. Just do it. She will be grateful, her husband's worries will be relieved, and you will know your time was well spent.

Edited October 12, 2010 by AuntieM

[Tap]

I would go help her and let her know that you are there for her and the baby. If she would prefer to sleep while you are there, let her know that you will watch the bambino for her if she would like. If she would like company...great. But, sometimes people would just love a chance to take a shower without being interrupted by the baby or to have a few minutes to just rest.

 

Take a book and if this is the case, then just sit and read, being there for her if she needs you.

 

As far as the hospital, I would just go by and say HI, if you would like company I would be willing to stay, if you want some alone time, no problem. By already being there, you are more likely to get an honest answer.

 

Personally, I had great care in the hospital after both of my c-sections and would have loved some quiet time without anyone but me and baby.

[springmama]

I've never had a c-section, but yes, I would go and help her. (actually, I'd go and help her even WITHOUT a c-section being in the mix, but after surgery....OHYEAH!)

 

Me too normally, but she hasn't helped me in the past when my kids were newborns so i can't decide if she just hates me or doesn't know any better.

 

My 4th baby was my 1st C-section and it was awful. Any help whatsoever will be a blessing for her.

 

I don't think people understand how serious C-sections are because so many people have them.

 

I also thought I would be fine without dh in the hospital overnight because the nurses would be there for me. However, it was so busy that not only were they not there to help me but they were too busy to keep dd in the nursery. I had to care for dd all by myself all night in the hospital on the second night after the c-section. I am very lucky that no one got hurt that night. I actually nearly dropped my baby from the bed to the floor. It was awful.

 

I would help in any way I could. The mom might not even realize that she needs it. I was too loopy to demand help in the hospital. I should never agreed to take care of my baby all night by myself. I just wasn't in my right mind and I didn't realize how serious the surgery was.

 

This is what I was thinking.

 

My first was a c-section, and my recovery was fairly easy (I actually went shopping the week he was born).

 

Unless I knew you really well, I don't think I would've wanted you to come over. Bring meals, yes, but come and visit and help? Most likely not.

 

But that's just me. I didn't have a clue what I was doing, and I prefer to puzzle through new things on my own.

 

I'd suggest visiting her in the hospital, and try to get a feel for what she'd like.

 

Thank you. I'm considering this as well, but she's not the independent type. Normally has a lot of health problems, seems depressed, afraid to reach out. One time she mentioned to me that she's been abused a lot in her past by friends and also by her first husband so she's shy about making new friends.

 

She is my SIL who lives about 10 minutes away from me and has not really taken an interest in getting to know me or my kids. Most of the time I think she's really just clueless, socially awkward, but has good intentions. She has NO friends at all in this area and I am her only female family member. Her mom is in FL and her dad just had a triple bypass, so her mother can't even come visit.

 

I'm pretty awkward myself but my thinking is that I'd rather love someone too much than leave them wondering why no one took care of them.

[battyjac]

I just had my 4th by emergency section almost 3 months ago. My previous births were easy, vaginal births. This one the cord prolapsed and I was doing it natural so needed general anaesthesia. I had been "don't push!ing" for over 2 hours, sitting at a sliver less than 10 (when my body was screaming to push). I don't know if that affected my recovery at all.

 

He was born Friday, I got out of the hospital Sunday and was barely able to take care of myself, let alone the baby and my other kids for a couple weeks. Walking was painful and anything beyond going from the couch to the bathroom would make me bleed heavily again. I had my mom and my MIL with me so I just changed diapers (he's intact and they were uncomfortable changing him) and sat on my bottom nursing. I was concerned when they left 2 weeks later that I would have trouble caring for my kids. My oldest daughter is 11 and was a big help with the 3 and 8yos.

 

I'm still sore. I can do everything but still have pains every day.

 

Definitely help if she would be comfortable with it. If not, at least drop off meals. Easy lunch things would be good. I had organic pop tarts breakfast and lunch many times those first weeks because I could eat and nurse and not have to walk much to assemble it.

[Annie]

I'm still sore. I can do everything but still have pains every day.

 

Definitely help if she would be comfortable with it. If not, at least drop off meals. Easy lunch things would be good. I had organic pop tarts breakfast and lunch many times those first weeks because I could eat and nurse and not have to walk much to assemble it.

 

Hugs. Your post brought back some memories. I ate trail mix for lunch for weeks.

[Jen+4dc]

Two sections here.

 

Go. Bring food, including chocolate brownies.

 

Just be prepared to do anything that comes up, from actually helping with baby to helping with housework.

 

You don't have to tell her that while she napped you folded laundry or scrubbed a toilet. Just do it. She will be grateful, her husband's worries will be relieved, and you will know your time was well spent.

:iagree: My first 2 kids were by emergency c-section then my last 2 were scheduled c-sections. Trust me, you can be quite a help!!! The doc will probably tell her not to lift anything heavier than the baby for at least 4 weeks. I was never able to wait that long, but the longer you wait, the faster your recovery. So, ask her if that's the case and ask what you can do. Or, better yet, if she's shy about asking for help, give her the option: "I know the doc probably told you not to do anything strenuous for a couple weeks so I'm here to do that stuff. {smile big here}. No, don't worry, we're family and family takes care of each other. So, I can vaccum/mop, or clean the bathroom, which would you prefer?" Smile again and don't take no for an answer.:D

 

I would go help her and let her know that you are there for her and the baby. If she would prefer to sleep while you are there, let her know that you will watch the bambino for her if she would like. If she would like company...great. But, sometimes people would just love a chance to take a shower without being interrupted by the baby or to have a few minutes to just rest.

 

Take a book and if this is the case, then just sit and read, being there for her if she needs you.

 

As far as the hospital, I would just go by and say HI, if you would like company I would be willing to stay, if you want some alone time, no problem. By already being there, you are more likely to get an honest answer.

 

Personally, I had great care in the hospital after both of my c-sections and would have loved some quiet time without anyone but me and baby.

:iagree: If she says no thanks, push a little to see if she really means it or just doesn't want to inconvenience you.

 

Me too normally, but she hasn't helped me in the past when my kids were newborns so i can't decide if she just hates me or doesn't know any better.

this!

Thank you. I'm considering this as well, but she's not the independent type. Normally has a lot of health problems, seems depressed, afraid to reach out. One time she mentioned to me that she's been abused a lot in her past by friends and also by her first husband so she's shy about making new friends.

 

She is my SIL who lives about 10 minutes away from me and has not really taken an interest in getting to know me or my kids. Most of the time I think she's really just clueless, socially awkward, but has good intentions. She has NO friends at all in this area and I am her only female family member. Her mom is in FL and her dad just had a triple bypass, so her mother can't even come visit.

 

I'm pretty awkward myself but my thinking is that I'd rather love someone too much than leave them wondering why no one took care of them.

This last part is key! Play the family card, let her know you love her and you would do the same for any member of your family. Tell her to let you so her dh doesn't have to worry about it. Whatever you have to do. But, after 4 c-sections I can promise you that she needs help.

 

:grouphug:Thank you for being so willing to help her, not everyone would be!

[AuntieM]

After reading your second post and learning that this is your sil, and that she has been treated poorly in the past, I see this as an opportunity to lavish some love on her! She could use a loving family member! Show her you are ready to let down your walls to love and serve her new family, and I bet she will warm up to you. You may have a great relationship in the making!

[WiseOwlKnits]

I've had 2 c/s's. Both were scheduled (DD flipped breech at 39 weeks; I went to 42w1d with DS - positive of dates - and didn't go into labor, but we couldn't induce b/c of my prior c/s). The first with my DD was so awful I couldn't even change her diaper till she was almost 12 weeks old. The second with my DS was a breeze (or maybe it was just in comparison to my first), but it was still a couple of weeks till I felt self-sufficient. Go help her. She'll appreciate it more than she can express.

[LizzyBee]

After the first day, my c-section was no worse than a vag delivery. I had my c-section on Wednesday and went to church that Sunday. That said, I appreciated all the offers of meals and other support I got with all of my kids, and I would not have wanted to be alone for 12 hours with my newborn so soon with any of them. I'm sure she will appreciate whatever support you can offer.

Edited October 13, 2010 by LizzyBee

[JudoMom]

 

She is my SIL who lives about 10 minutes away from me and has not really taken an interest in getting to know me or my kids. Most of the time I think she's really just clueless, socially awkward, but has good intentions. She has NO friends at all in this area and I am her only female family member. Her mom is in FL and her dad just had a triple bypass, so her mother can't even come visit.

 

I'm pretty awkward myself but my thinking is that I'd rather love someone too much than leave them wondering why no one took care of them.

 

Given this information, I change my vote :).

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I've had 3 c-sections. I would appreciate the help especially if there were other health issues going on.

 

If you think she might be a little bit shy about asking, you could offer to bring dinner to her on Thursday night and just kind of feel it out if she needs you to stay or not. She might surprise you and do great! You could offer to throw in some laundry or whatnot if you feel like she'd receive it.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Given what you said about her, I would go help, c-section or not. Her sense of isolation makes her higher risk for PPD. It is my firm belief that the only job a new mom should have for the first couple weeks is to recover and feed the baby. Anyone who can help with the rest (including feeding mom) would be a blessing.

[fairfarmhand]

please go help. She may really NEED those pain meds that will make her loopy. There will need to be someone there awake to keep watch over baby and mommy.

[Food4Thought]

I've had 2 c-sections. I'm pretty independent and self-sufficient, but I know that if I had another one, I'd demand people be nearby for at least the first 2 weeks. Recovery is hard, even if you are up and walking the next day.

 

Go visit. Don't feel like you have to chat. Just take food, make sure she has fresh water and has taken her meds. Maybe it will be a step in the right direction toward mending your family relationship in the future.

[ktgrok]

yes, if she has no one else there go to her!!! They often won't let the c-section mom even have the baby in the room unless there is another adult, as the mom can't get up and take care of the baby herself. Ask me how I know :(

 

And yes, help her. Don't stay the whole time maybe, and bring a book and some movies. Tell her you can watch movies together while she nurses, and you are going to make lunch/dinner whatever and bring it to her, and while youare there do a load of laundry and dishes. It will make all the difference to her. You are an angel, and I wish you had been around after my c-section 10 years ago. Luckily this last baby was a VBAC.

[momtotkbb]

I've had 3 sections and 1 VBAC (which was way worse than the 3 sections!) - but I would want someone to ask me first if they could be of help. A visit to the hospital would be nice and then you could determine through chatting w/ her how she's feeling and if wants/needs help. I was fine w/ all three of mine and went home anywhere from 5 days to less than 48 hours and really enjoyed being alone w/ my new baby (first time) and new baby/kids the other times.

[kalanamak]

She's taking blood pressure meds and insulin if that makes any difference.

 

.

 

This, IMO, does make a difference. Insulin needs change after birth, and I would be worried about hypoglycemia. BP can drop off after birth. I would be worried about hypotension. Was she on bedrest prior to birth? Bedrest, plus the high estrogen state, plus lying around with a surgical site, can increase the DVT/PE rate. If she is obese, that can increase complications, as well.

 

A normal, healthy person and baby, post C section, I wouldn't be worried, if there was a working phone and someone to call. After my C section, I needed only 1 percoset. Other than that, no pain meds, no bleeding, no problems.

[Hockey Mom]

I've had two c-sections.

Definitely go help her.

:iagree:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

My last was an emergency c-section. Although I had complications- I certainly would NOT have been happy to be alone for 12 hours. Please go help her out! You would be a HUGE blessing!

[tangomoon]

Thank you for posting this question . . . . my sister just had an emergency c-section today (her first) and I've been wondering what she might be facing in terms of recovery and how best to help.

[Brenda in FL]

I also thought I would be fine without dh in the hospital overnight because the nurses would be there for me. However, it was so busy that not only were they not there to help me but they were too busy to keep dd in the nursery. I had to care for dd all by myself all night in the hospital on the second night after the c-section. I am very lucky that no one got hurt that night. I actually nearly dropped my baby from the bed to the floor. It was awful.

 

I would help in any way I could. The mom might not even realize that she needs it. I was too loopy to demand help in the hospital. I should never agreed to take care of my baby all night by myself. I just wasn't in my right mind and I didn't realize how serious the surgery was.

 

This exact thing happened to me with my second child!!! It was absolutely horrible!! Reading this, I thought - wait I didn't post to this thread yet.

 

With my third child - I made sure dh stayed each night!!

 

To the OP - if you sit with her at the hospital - it will be very useful. It's just to difficult to move around to change baby's diaper, to lift her for feedings and trying to get in and out of bed while holding a baby.

 

By Thursday, she should be able to manage - but having help will be nice, you don't need to stay all day - but pop in and see how she's doing, make sure she's able to move and lift baby, etc.

[newlifemom]

Only read two pages. Go. She's family. Sit with her in the hosp. If she looks like she'd rather be alone then take off, but go.

 

Same for the day she is alone. Don't ask. Go. Feel out the situation from there. Bring a meal with you so that way if she is fine you can drop, ohh and ahh over baby for 5 mins or so and leave, or . . . if she looks stressed, in pain, baby screaming etc., you can stay and be a blessing.

 

FWIW, one of the biggest blessings I rcvd after my 4th c-section was a friend scrubbing my shower for me. I couldn't do it and dh, well he did the best he could, but was busy with 3 littles and food and work. You know how it is.

 

One more thing. The things I could easily pick up and do with 4 small children completely freaked me out with one. I did not want to be left alone after my first. I was petrified. I could do nothing besides feed and change her. That first transistion was hard for me.

 

Blessings to your dsil on her new baby.

[DragonflyAcademy]

I've had two c-sections.

Definitely go help her.

 

 

Ditto.. with complications..

 

Do, go and help.. if you know what they can eat.. bring a meal.. if you cannot.. bring easy to grab snacks. Make sure she is staying hydrated..

 

It's really nice of you to check in on her!

[JFSinIL]

Unless she has had twins (been there, done that) with her c-section, she should be ok being alone. If you stop by, bring food, and offer to watch baby while she grabs a shower or short nap.

 

She probably wants to sleep tonight, as much as possible - so no need to go sit with her at hospital. Would they even allow a visitor in the maternity ward past a certain time?

 

All my kids were c-sections.

[runmiarun]

Having made it through 3 c-sections, my advice is to talk to her and see what she needs. Given your responses back regarding the family situation, reaching out is a great idea. I know after my 1st I thought I could handle much more than I actually could but I didn't realize it until a friend called and rattled off a list of things she thought I might need and hadn't thought about. Also, just having someone hold the baby while I could nap was a huge help. Rolling over and getting out of bed/off the couch was difficult for the first 4 days. I'm a loner but being by myself the first couple of days after coming home from the hospital was scary. Let her know she can call you at any time if she needs help. For me, the simple knowledge of a friend's phone number who would come no matter what time I called was a huge relief for me.