Moms that are pregnant now or recently had a baby...

[mama2cntrykids]

how far along were you when you told your other children? What was your reasoning?

 

I'm asking because I'm about 5 weeks pregnant and we can't decide when to tell the other four. I would like to think the sooner the better because then dh and I can talk openly about it. OTOH, 9 months is a long time (esp. for my 4 y/o dd).

 

What have you done and why?

[AppleGreen]

Well, it's been a couple of years, but for my last pregnancy we told our children when I was about 12 weeks along. We were at Disney and that was when we told the ILs. I think it sort of went over my then 4 year old's head. She didn't really have a context for pregnancy, so it was sort of life as usual. Now my eldest did remember my pregnancy w/ #3, but he was only concerned that I not have the baby on his birthday, since my due date was really close to his birthday. :)

 

I have fond memories of my children loving on my belly and talking to the baby in utero. That is such a sweet time! (and he still very adored by his big siblings)

[mommaduck]

I usually told right away. Many times, they guessed (mom hanging over the toilet several mornings in a row is an obvious sign). It usually helped them to understand why mama wasn't typical mama and it would encourage them to help with less complaint.

[NCJessieRN]

how far along were you when you told your other children? What was your reasoning?

 

I'm asking because I'm about 5 weeks pregnant and we can't decide when to tell the other four. I would like to think the sooner the better because then dh and I can talk openly about it. OTOH, 9 months is a long time (esp. for my 4 y/o dd).

 

What have you done and why?

 

 

We always told our children right away. BUT... Earlier this year I found out I was pregnant and we told them and several wks later I had a miscarriage and the older two were SO SAD and didn't understand. It was a great teaching/talking opportunity but I would have rather not put them though that. In May I got pregnant again and had another miscarriage in July. I was really glad we did not make the same mistake. So, I would say wait until after the first u/s or dr. apt.

[Punchie]

I told DD when I was around 7 wks along. Mainly b/c DH was deployed and I was having horrendous morning sickness. I figured that watching mom toss her cookies constantly would be an additional stressor if she didn't know the reason.

[mama2cntrykids]

I usually told right away. Many times, they guessed (mom hanging over the toilet several mornings in a row is an obvious sign). It usually helped them to understand why mama wasn't typical mama and it would encourage them to help with less complaint.

Yes, good point mommaduck;). I've thought about that too.

[newlifemom]

I always wait for the reasons that the pp listed. My oldest though, has always figured out when I was pregnant. Honestly, the littles really only know about one big loss and it was very rough on them. They couldn't understand where their sibling went, or when he/she was coming.

[mama2cntrykids]

We always told our children right away. BUT... Earlier this year I found out I was pregnant and we told them and several wks later I had a miscarriage and the older two were SO SAD and didn't understand. It was a great teaching/talking opportunity but I would have rather not put them though that. In May I got pregnant again and had another miscarriage in July. I was really glad we did not make the same mistake. So, I would say wait until after the first u/s or dr. apt.

I'm so sorry:grouphug:. I can absolutely see the reason for that. Wow, I never really gave "what if I miscarried?" much thought when considering when to tell them.

[Heatherwith4]

I told them at 6 weeks, right after I went to the doctor. We wanted to be able to talk openly about the baby and me being pg. Also, I knew there would be times I'd be tired/sick/weepy, etc. I wanted them to know why. We just wanted the whole experience to be a sweet, shared family time, and it was! :)

[Pretty in Pink]

I would prefer to wait until after 12 weeks but my dh can't contain himself and usually tells the kids right away, then picks up the phone and starts calling relatives.

[brehon]

I usually told right away. Many times, they guessed (mom hanging over the toilet several mornings in a row is an obvious sign). It usually helped them to understand why mama wasn't typical mama and it would encourage them to help with less complaint.

 

:iagree: My eldest is 9 and he's actually become quite proficient at knowing when I'm pregnant. My mom told the kids with this last pregnancy because she had taken the kids shopping and wanted to buy a baby outfit. Ds9's response, " Uh-huh. I thought so." :001_huh::lol:

 

I honestly can't say that I ever experienced that apparently rare phenomenon of "less complaining" :glare:. I guess it's a kind of nirvana and I haven't mastered how to help my kids achieve it.

[myfatherslily]

I'm sure each child's personality really comes into play with decisions like this. With our DD, we've told her right away. She was 3 when I got a positive test (our youngest son). I told her and let HER tell daddy, which was so sweet and awesome!:) We had her tell the grandparents, too, cause she was just so cute!

 

When I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly a year ago, it was a crazy time for us and we weren't sure what to think about having a baby. We told the kids right away - it didn't faze our older son, who was 3 then, but DD was 5 and thrilled because she had been praying for a baby sister. Within a week, I had miscarried. I think it helped that she knew that she already had 2 brothers or sisters in heaven, who came before her. She was sad, but not for long. I think she feels very special that God answered HER prayer - she knows that she does have a sibling and it's real... it's just living with God instead of with us. And I can't imagine why that tiny baby would be anything but a sister:)

 

Children's ages and personalities definitely play a big part in these kinds of decisions! I just wanted to share our experience.

[AMDG]

I always wait for the reasons that the pp listed. My oldest though, has always figured out when I was pregnant. Honestly, the littles really only know about one big loss and it was very rough on them. They couldn't understand where their sibling went, or when he/she was coming.

 

This is heartbreaking. With my current pregnancy we told kids (really just DS4) right away. I never thought about this scenario though. How sad for the children to suffer right along with mom and dad.

[Lara in Colo]

I told mine after we a got the really great picture "magazine" that shows pictures of the fetus at every stage (from the Dr. at the 10 week check-up). We gathered together every night and looked at how our baby changed every day. Then we talked to the baby and about the baby. It was a really great time for us!!

 

Lara

[BakersDozen]

I have to tell my older dc right away as I get horribly sick. I wait to tell the "littles" because I have a history of pregnancy loss and wouldn't want the younger ones getting excited then not understanding where the baby went. Having the older ones know makes it easier when I do lose a pregnancy because they know why Mama has to take a break and comes back with red eyes; they have a lot of sympathy and are lovingly supportive to me in this area for which I am grateful. Since I don't tell family until I'm close to 7mo pg it helps to have my sweet dc pray with me for the new baby or pray with me after a loss.

Edited September 27, 2010 by LuvnMySvn

[Dinsfamily]

I'm 16 weeks pg now and we just told the boys two weeks ago. I had a miscarriage in April (and one 8 years ago) so we wanted to be sure before telling them. My first post-12 week appt was at 14 weeks so we told them after I got home.

 

My oldest started asking questions right away about my tiredness and shakiness (when I don't eat every 2-3hours). He seemed pretty happy to have solved Mom's strange behavior.

Edited September 27, 2010 by Dinsfamily

[wapiti]

My advice is to wait as long as possible. Kids aren't always good at keeping big news like that to themselves, as might be desirable during the early weeks.

 

Last time I waited until 15 weeks, when dd, then almost 8, asked when I was ever going to lose my belly from the one before. It's a good thing I waited as long as I did, because it turns out that sometimes she has a big mouth!! Literally 36 hours later, the teacher of one of my other kids called about something and offered her congratulations. I had no idea that dd had told everyone.in.the.school. Being #6, it was a little embarrassing (isn't that an awful thing to say? I was still dealing with the ambivalence of the surprise.)

[Sara in AZ]

My advice is to wait as long as possible. Kids aren't always good at keeping big news like that to themselves, as might be desirable during the early weeks.

 

Last time I waited until 15 weeks, when dd, then almost 8, asked when I was ever going to lose my belly from the one before. It's a good thing I waited as long as I did, because it turns out that sometimes she has a big mouth!! Literally 36 hours later, the teacher of one of my other kids called about something and offered her congratulations. I had no idea that dd had told everyone.in.the.school. Being #6, it was a little embarrassing (isn't that an awful thing to say? I was still dealing with the ambivalence of the surprise.)

 

Exactly where we were at this time around and well put..."the ambivalence of surprise." I didn't want anyone to know for a long time. We didn't tell the kids until we told my family, around 15 or 16 weeks.

[Veritaserum]

I usually told right away. Many times, they guessed (mom hanging over the toilet several mornings in a row is an obvious sign). It usually helped them to understand why mama wasn't typical mama and it would encourage them to help with less complaint.

 

:iagree: My oldest has helped me verify that there were indeed two pink lines on the test. ;)

[Hypatia.]

I told mine when I was about 5-6 weeks pregnant with #4. I wasn't planning on telling them that soon, but our entire household came down with the flu and was sick for about a week. The next week my morning sickness set in and I was very ill, my then-5 year old was worried that I was still sick with the flu and not recovering. I went ahead and told him so he wasn't worried about me being so sick.

[Mom in High Heels]

I am 10 weeks today and we just told Indy 3 days ago. I wanted to wait until 12w, but I've been really, really tired and nauseous (though I've not thrown up-thank goodness) and he's been really worried about me. It was stressing him out that I was sick, so we decided after my check up the other day to go ahead and let him know. He is over the moon excited. Our neighbor had a miscarriage last year and we had to explain to him what happened. He asked if that would happen to me when we told him I was pg and we talked about the possibility, but told him we would hope the baby would be fine.

[mamalbh]

Well, we're extremely physical in our house and if I'm lying down it's likely that within a couple of minutes a child will be pouncing me. So, for safety reasons, we tell ours right away.

 

It is scary though & it was initially a hard decision, because you don't want them to have to go through the heart ache of a loss.

 

When my oldest was only 6 mos old I found out I was prg., then when I was 13 weeks along I found out I had a 'missed miscarriage' - no symptoms anything was wrong at all. It was very devastating, but luckily my dd was just a baby so she had no understanding of what was going on.

[Carrie12345]

I usually wait until somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks. My second pregnancy ended at 7.5 weeks, and my 6th pregnancy was ectopic. I had a difficult time dealing with that (particularly the ruptured ectopic that almost killed me) and, frankly, I'm glad I didn't have to explain it all to kids of various ages.

 

This time, we waited until about 15 weeks. Around 11 weeks, tests came back indicating a VERY high risk of Trisomy 13/18, and we were pretty sure the baby wouldn't live. It took a while to get the conclusive test results that showed otherwise. THEN we told the kids.

[duckens]

Dd is 3. We told her about the new baby a few days before the u/s at 18-20weeks.

 

A part of this is because it is hard for 3yo to comprehend the time.

 

A part of this is because we didn't want to tell ANYONE until we were sure that the baby was a total go.

 

A part of this is because we didn't want her to blurt it out to my folks, who would be judgmental if the pregnancy didn't work out.

 

Dd's knowing has helped her to understand some things about the pregnancy: mom is tired; the baby is making mommy throw up; the baby makes mommy's hips hurt; the baby makes mommy's nipples hurt, so you need to be extra gentle when nursing.

 

Dd agrees that it takes a long time to make a baby. (8 weeks to go!!!)

[stripe]

When I was about 36 weeks along, I went to check in for my appointment and was standing behind a tall counter and the lady belted out, "Congratulations!" and then worriedly asked if my accompanying child knew. I moved away from the counter and assured her it was no longer a secret.

[mommaduck]

I have to admit that I do understand about waiting and baby loss. I've been there twice this year myself. I lost a baby right before New Year's at 11wks. I got pg this summer and we did wait a few weeks because, again, I was not experiencing normal morning sickness. I did finally let the olders know within a week or two of our finding out because it helps for them not to feel there is some secret going on without them (my oldest two sense things very easily). They helped with their siblings while I was miscarrying that baby (9wks). Yes, it's sad, but they are old enough to understand that it is a fact of life (also, I had had a stillborn when they were younger and two homebirths, so they are pretty informed about things). This baby, I did wait a couple of weeks, but no more than that. The little ones picked up on things, we may not have gone out of our way to tell them, but we did not hide it either. The olders knew and we had discussions. I've had a couple of scares with this one, but found out this morning that it's all being caused by a cervical cyst that is just being a nuisance.

 

I'm 10wks now, so sending up any prayers for me would be greatly appreciated.

[mama2cntrykids]

I have to admit that I do understand about waiting and baby loss. I've been there twice this year myself. I lost a baby right before New Year's at 11wks. I got pg this summer and we did wait a few weeks because, again, I was not experiencing normal morning sickness. I did finally let the olders know within a week or two of our finding out because it helps for them not to feel there is some secret going on without them (my oldest two sense things very easily). They helped with their siblings while I was miscarrying that baby (9wks). Yes, it's sad, but they are old enough to understand that it is a fact of life (also, I had had a stillborn when they were younger and two homebirths, so they are pretty informed about things). This baby, I did wait a couple of weeks, but no more than that. The little ones picked up on things, we may not have gone out of our way to tell them, but we did not hide it either. The olders knew and we had discussions. I've had a couple of scares with this one, but found out this morning that it's all being caused by a cervical cyst that is just being a nuisance.

 

I'm 10wks now, so sending up any prayers for me would be greatly appreciated.

I will pray for you!

 

:iagree: My oldest has helped me verify that there were indeed two pink lines on the test. ;)

LOL...too funny!

__________________________________________________________

 

I was thinking about the mc aspect of it and I've decided I don't think it will play a part in telling now vs. later. The reason is that this is my fourth child and I've never had an issue with mc. Now, I'm not saying it won't happen, but I guess we'd deal with it if/when it happened.

 

Thanks everyone for sharing. We will probably tell them sooner rather than later, but I'm just not sure how long, lol.

Edited September 27, 2010 by mama2cntrykids

[celticmom]

I am currently pg with my second dc and I was thinking about starting a thread along these lines. My dd is 5 and I think that I will be waiting as long as possible to tell her. She really wants a sibling and would be devastated if there was a loss. Also she does not like waiting for holidays, events, change of seas ons, ect. However, my primary reason is that I do not plan to tell extended family anytime soon and dd will tell. I hope to be able to wait until after Christmas to tell her and then everyone else can find out a month or two before my estimated due date. That way I won't have to listen to every silly concern(and I know from experience that they will be numerous and silly) that flits through my MIL's head. Thankfully, they live in TX now.

[4besitos]

I usually wait til after the 12 weeks due to miscarriage. We did have a just over the 12 week miscarriage after we told people. If the older ones can figure it out, then we would talk about it. I am a puke 24 hrs a day for months type of pregnant. My older ones know about miscarriage...but it is very hard to explain to a younger child.

[Lara in Colo]

DD10 told DH yesterday to "not be surprised if momma is preg. in the couple of months" :confused:

 

I really hope she doesn't have the gift of prophesy!!

 

 

Lara

[Tap]

We had ds...

 

When he was 2yo we lost a pgy at 22weeks- he was young enough to not really get it, but did ask me about my 'angel baby' a few times. One of the hard parts of the loss, was that our friends were in very different groups, so word didn't get to everyone that she was gone. I had a few friends come up to me and rub my belly, happily asking about the pgy... after we lost her. :( It was very sad to tell them. I didn't want to go through that part again.

 

When I got pg with dd, ds was 3.5yo. We were having CVS done at 9 weeks to check for chromosome anomalies in her (due to previous loss) so we waited until all was clear to tell anyone else.

 

We told everyone at 12 weeks, when we got the all clear from my doctor.

 

 

Part of waiting to tell ds was to protect him, but part of it was to keep him from telling anyone else before we got the test results. Only one other person knew for the first 3mths, besides dh and I. It was my bff/coworker. She was great, helping to cover for my absences, due to the extra perinatal appointments (weekly for the first 1/2 of the pgy), and doing my heavy lifting at work.

[LMK]

Hi,

 

I haven't read the replies but here is my experience. I have 5 kids under age 7, so I have been through this a bunch of time. I ALWAYS wait as long as possible. It is hard enough when everyone you meet asks you how you are feeling (so nice but seriously...it gets old!) BUT when your kids are asking you 10 zillion times a day if the baby is coming...that can really tip you over the edge! Especially with all those pregnancy hormones.

 

I didn't look to see how old all your kids are but you mentioned a 4 year old. Do yourself a favor...wait until it is obvious and you are running out of lap room! ;) Then, use it as a good learning experience. We got some great magazines and pamphlets from my OB office. I showed the older kids everything up until the birth (actual pictures OMG...I admit I glossed over the particulars). I thought I was safe except my oldest found the magazine (not exactly hidden but who would think to look under all those science textbooks??!! and months later no less). That is when she announced "don't worry Mama, I know the baby came out of your bum!". Argh! So, naturally, we went into more of the specific details.

 

We would just talk about it in code if we had to around the kids, and then more in detail in private. Our kids are young, so go to bed early enough for us to have a couple hours alone at night.

 

Good Luck and Congrats!

 

LMK

[Dawn in OH]

I waited until I was just over 3 months along with the last two pregnancies. I probably would have waited even longer to tell them, because six months to wait is a long time for a small child, but I was starting to show and they wondered about all the doctor visits.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

We told our 3 boys at around 10 weeks with this pregnancy. Right after early ultrasound confirmed the heartbeat. It has been a long pregnancy, but we wanted to tell other people, too, and didn't want the boys to accidentally find out from someone else.

[AHASRADA]

We told the kids at 12 weeks, a few hours after the 1st ultrasound confirming heartbeat and correct positioning/attachment, etc. I had planned to wait a couple more weeks, but dh was adamant that he wanted this to be a family affair. I was afraid it would be too hard for my dd10 to keep quiet, but she did a great job, she was just soooo excited! I told my mom at 13 weeks and other extended family (MIL, SIL, etc.) at 14-15 weeks. I waited on friends until 5 months.

 

My dc are certainly big enough to understand miscarriage if it did happen, but I just didn't feel it was necessary to tell them before there is much they can do about it (start looking for baby items, thinking about names, etc.) and 9 months is a long time. I also felt there was no point in getting their hopes up if something did happen.

 

If my dc was 4, and I wasn't obviously sick or having other worrisome symptoms, I would probably tell at about 5 months. By then the pregnancy is hopefully well-established, you start to show enough that he might notice, and delivery is getting close enough that he could start to put it in context. Earlier than that will be difficult for him to fathom and really serves no purpose, IMO.

[mama2cntrykids]

Here I had typed up a nice reply and I accidentally shut down my computer with my foot lololol (don't ask).

 

Anyhoo--It's a tough decision on when to tell them I'm finding. We would like other's to know (besides my mother, she knows currently) and we don't want the kids to find out on "accident". Either hearing dh and I talking about it or hearing other ppl talking about it or worse yet having someone ask them, "Well, how do you feel about being a big bro/sister??" "HUH?!".

 

35 weeks IS a long time to wait for my 4 y/o HOWEVER...her birthday is May 28th and the babe is due May 28th/29th-ish. My other kids were late, so we'll see! Anyway, her birthday would give her a timeframe that she can relate to. She's been wanting mommy to have a baby for SO LONG, she will be estatic when she finds out. The boys...well, probably less than estatic, lol. I guess my 9 y/o ds told my dh yesterday, "If mom ever has another baby, I'm NOT sharing my room again! W is hard to live with!". I guess he could have said worse things lol.

[Forget-Me-Not]

With my last pg, my older two were 5 and 3, so we didn't tell them until we were ready to tell the world :D

[momof8]

We used to tell the kids pretty early on but after I had a miscarriage I wanted to wait until I was a little further on to make sure I was past the danger zone so to speak.