I am absolutely at my LIMIT for dealing with TEARS in my homeschool!

[Tree House Academy]

I have no tolerance for tears in most things. I mean, if you aren't hurt physically or emotionally and if no one died, I really see no need for them at all. I know, I know, I am a little hardened on that matter to begin with...but

 

If I see my 11 year old 6th grade boy pucker up and cry one more time over his school work, I am going to SCREAM. It is not going to be pretty. Anything that mildly challenges him or that he just does not want to take the time to do right the first time (thus has to do over) creates that moment where he makes that ugly, twisted cry face as he whines incessantly and puts his hands in the air as if someone has just wronged him or killed his puppy. :glare: I am honestly to my end with this particular behavior.

 

Thank you for allowing me to vent. Please tell me I am not the only one with a school related cry baby! You would be amazed to see this kid in other parts of his life...he never cries. NEVER. Oh, but give him a paragraph to re-write or a math lesson to re-do, or an outline to organize and watch him crumble like a cookie. GRR

[JudoMom]

I have no tolerance for tears in most things. I mean, if you aren't hurt physically or emotionally and if no one died, I really see no need for them at all. I know, I know, I am a little hardened on that matter to begin with...but

 

If I see my 11 year old 6th grade boy pucker up and cry one more time over his school work, I am going to SCREAM. It is not going to be pretty. Anything that mildly challenges him or that he just does not want to take the time to do right the first time (thus has to do over) creates that moment where he makes that ugly, twisted cry face as he whines incessantly and puts his hands in the air as if someone has just wronged him or killed his puppy. :glare: I am honestly to my end with this particular behavior.

 

Thank you for allowing me to vent. Please tell me I am not the only one with a school related cry baby! You would be amazed to see this kid in other parts of his life...he never cries. NEVER. Oh, but give him a paragraph to re-write or a math lesson to re-do, or an outline to organize and watch him crumble like a cookie. GRR

 

:lol: only because this is all too familiar :001_huh:

[micheller1]

and just when I thought maybe I was the only one who felt this way.....

[Chelle in MO]

I just walked away from mine for this very reason! It is so frustrating. I tell him that if he acts like something is such a big deal, I'll keep giving him things like it until it seems routine!

Edited September 15, 2010 by Chelle in MO
More

[Jean in Newcastle]

Did you see the thread on boys, puberty and drama?

[Tree House Academy]

Did you see the thread on boys, puberty and drama?

 

No, but apparently I need to search it out! :tongue_smilie:

[SpiritCatcher]

I could have written this post about my 10 year old DD. She hangs her head and starts to cry when she gets frustrated with her work. She gets louder as I try to reason with her :confused:

[abbeyej]

...Anything that mildly challenges him or that he just does not want to take the time to do right the first time (thus has to do over) ...

 

Roflol!

 

Ds has yet to actually *cry* this school year. But the faces! The sighing! The slumping of shoulders!

 

Ohforheavenssakewhydidntyoujustdoitrightthefirsttime?!?!?

 

I swear, the child thinks I *enjoy* making him do school work 'til 5pm! Um, no! I want to be done with this at *least* as badly as you do, buddy!

[5LittleMonkeys]

Mine is a girl, 11, and a drama queen. She just had a 15 minute crying jag (in her room) because she "forgot" to come back to the table for school after lunch break and we continued on without her. (She was called one time but chose to ignore it) Now everyone else is finished and she is sitting at the table doing her work.

 

I have tried in vain to convince her that crying is not productive in these types of situations but its just who she is and how she deals with her frustrations so I guess it is productive to her. I try not to let it get to me. Usually as soon as her eyes get watery I will send her to her room. I tell her that if she needs to cry about it then so be it but I don't want to be a witness to it. I have noticed that the less attention I pay to it and the less emotion I show about it the less she does it. Hang in there!:grouphug:

[Tree House Academy]

I swear, the child thinks I *enjoy* making him do school work 'til 5pm! Um, no! I want to be done with this at *least* as badly as you do, buddy!

 

Amen to that! My son thinks it is a picnic for me to be sitting here watching him re-write a paragraph for the umpteenth time at 5pm...when I need to be doing laundry, the dishes, planning for tomorrow's school, and about 10 million other things that require me to actually leave the school room!

[simka2]

Yup, this was my morning too! (we ran out of sugar and neither twin will touch coffee without) :lol: To which I said, "you may stay in your room until you are fit company for the rest of us!" In our house it is pretty major to be excluded from the rest of the family.

 

I now understand why my mom would hole up in the bathroom for long periods of time :D! It's so peaceful there!!!!

[Tree House Academy]

I try not to let it get to me.

 

 

LOL - God knew not to give me girls (who, by nature, usually cry more or are at least more emotional than boys). I get annoyed with my boys when they cry. I try not to let it get to me, but it really makes me mad faster than anything else. If you aren't hurt and no one died, suck it up! I am such a loving, understanding parent, huh? :001_huh::auto:

[5LittleMonkeys]

LOL - God knew not to give me girls (who, by nature, usually cry more or are at least more emotional than boys). I get annoyed with my boys when they cry. I try not to let it get to me, but it really makes me mad faster than anything else. If you aren't hurt and no one died, suck it up! I am such a loving, understanding parent, huh? :001_huh::auto:

 

YES, YES YOU ARE! Because I am a wonderful parent and I say the same thing you do about crying!:tongue_smilie:

[Ali in OR]

Same thing here with my 10 yo dd. Three 2-hour crying fits in 1 week and we now have a few rules in place:

 

1) She is dismissed from school when she is crying (but is still required to get all of her assigned work done that day). My personal work hours are 9-4, so if chooses to cry during my productive hours, she will be doing her schoolwork on her own. And she wants to do it with me, so there is some incentive there.

 

2) Having to do all of her schoolwork isn't really a punishment because that is the expectation every day. So any major crying fit that has her out of control now means loss of all privileges for a week. Dessert is a biggie here, plus anything fun that is planned.

 

3) Bedtime is now a lot earlier. In the summer she was staying up quietly reading until 10, no problems. Even last year she stayed up until 9:15 or so after her sister went to bed. For the foreseeable future her bedtime is 8:30, same as her sister. Lack of sleep definitely contributes to behavior problems here.

 

I know I have not seen the last tantrum ever, but we haven't had any since the rules were put in place 2 weeks ago.

[Corraleno]

I'd try to keep in mind that kids this age are often hormonal, and having their mom tell them to just "suck it up" is kind of like having your DH tell you to just suck it up when you're PMSing and feeling really weepy and overwhelmed. It wouldn't really improve your attitude, would it?

 

Crying, being easily frustrated, and feeling overwhelmed are often signs of low serotonin. Exercise and bright sunlight, vitamin E and fish oil, and even supplements like 5HTP or rhodiola, might be more effective than sending kids to their room or telling them to suck it up, when they may not have much conscious control over the hormonal rollercoaster they're on.

 

Jackie

[leighp]

I can relate! I have a 7yo dd and not a lot of patience for crying over school work. Today, I finally told her if she didn't stop crying and throwing tantrums over things we have to do that are actually fun, she could go outside and run laps.

[m0mmaBuck]

I have no tolerance for tears in most things. I mean, if you aren't hurt physically or emotionally and if no one died, I really see no need for them at all. I know, I know, I am a little hardened on that matter to begin with...but

 

If I see my 11 year old 6th grade boy pucker up and cry one more time over his school work, I am going to SCREAM. It is not going to be pretty. Anything that mildly challenges him or that he just does not want to take the time to do right the first time (thus has to do over) creates that moment where he makes that ugly, twisted cry face as he whines incessantly and puts his hands in the air as if someone has just wronged him or killed his puppy. :glare: I am honestly to my end with this particular behavior.

 

Thank you for allowing me to vent. Please tell me I am not the only one with a school related cry baby! You would be amazed to see this kid in other parts of his life...he never cries. NEVER. Oh, but give him a paragraph to re-write or a math lesson to re-do, or an outline to organize and watch him crumble like a cookie. GRR

 

Amen to that! My son thinks it is a picnic for me to be sitting here watching him re-write a paragraph for the umpteenth time at 5pm...when I need to be doing laundry, the dishes, planning for tomorrow's school, and about 10 million other things that require me to actually leave the school room!

 

Oh, I think you must know me and my son.

[goldberry]

I'd try to keep in mind that kids this age are often hormonal, and having their mom tell them to just "suck it up" is kind of like having your DH tell you to just suck it up when you're PMSing and feeling really weepy and overwhelmed. It wouldn't really improve your attitude, would it?

 

Jackie

 

:iagree: I don't think you should give it extra attention, like oh poor baby, but I don't punish it either. I have at times told dd that she needs to go to her room to calm down, but I don't do it as a punishment. In fact, I have explained to her that when mom gets overwhelmed or upset, it helps to take a few minutes alone to regroup.

 

But, it does make me crazy - I just have to realize that's her personality and also a hormonal and maturity issue.

[dripdripsplat]

That's my ds too. It's maddening...

 

DD and I just sit there staring at him. I mean, really? Crying over misspelling a word? Crying over making a bed?! Crying over going outside to play with the dog?!?

 

It's got to be puberty! I think I'll leave and come back in a few years...:leaving:

[Tree House Academy]

I'd try to keep in mind that kids this age are often hormonal, and having their mom tell them to just "suck it up" is kind of like having your DH tell you to just suck it up when you're PMSing and feeling really weepy and overwhelmed. It wouldn't really improve your attitude, would it?

 

Crying, being easily frustrated, and feeling overwhelmed are often signs of low serotonin. Exercise and bright sunlight, vitamin E and fish oil, and even supplements like 5HTP or rhodiola, might be more effective than sending kids to their room or telling them to suck it up, when they may not have much conscious control over the hormonal rollercoaster they're on.

 

Jackie

 

I would be more inclined to think it was just hormones if it hadn't been happening since he was 8. He is just that kind of kid that if he doesn't want to do something, or thinks it is too hard, he cries like a 2-year-old. I think it is called being spoiled or testing me or pushing my buttons.

 

If he were in ps, I guarantee he wouldn't CRY when given a tough assignment. School work is an expectation whether you are hormonal or not...just as my job as a mom and a teacher are mandatory whether I am hormonal or not. He does get lots of sunlight and Vitamin E, though. :)

 

FWIW, I don't actually use the words, "suck it up" with him...that is just how I feel. I do, however, ask if he would be crying over this in ps in front of his friends (answer is always NO) and if he thinks he can cry his way out of school work (again, NO)...then carry on once the tears are dried because it didn't help your cause one bit, kid.:glare:

Edited September 16, 2010 by Tree House Academy

[Tree House Academy]

:iagree: I don't think you should give it extra attention, like oh poor baby, but I don't punish it either. I have at times told dd that she needs to go to her room to calm down, but I don't do it as a punishment. In fact, I have explained to her that when mom gets overwhelmed or upset, it helps to take a few minutes alone to regroup.

 

But, it does make me crazy - I just have to realize that's her personality and also a hormonal and maturity issue.

 

I don't punish ds when he cries...but I also don't change the assignment he is crying over and cater to his behavior.

 

I think boys and girls are very different in the crying world. It seems to be more accepted when a girl gets frustrated and cries. My son has a dear friend who is almost like a sister to him in the amount of time they spend together. They are the same age, and the amount of times I have seen her in tears (hormonal) is not even countable at this point (SO many times! LOL), whereas my son truly NEVER cries other than when he decides my school assignments are unfair. *sigh*

[Tree House Academy]

That's my ds too. It's maddening...

 

DD and I just sit there staring at him. I mean, really? Crying over misspelling a word? Crying over making a bed?! Crying over going outside to play with the dog?!?

 

It's got to be puberty! I think I'll leave and come back in a few years...:leaving:

 

ROFL...My son started when he was pulled from ps at the age of 8, unfortunately. It has just gotten more, um, annoying the older he has gotten. I can't remember ever crying in school over an assigment or re-doing work. I think it has to be the fact that I am his mom and he wants that sympathy or he wants to annoy me into changing the work load or helping him beyond what is reasonable. I know he wouldn't be caught dead bawling over this silly stuff in school if he were in ps or private school with peers.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Rebecca, I've gone over "appropriate" ways to handle frustration (take deep breaths, ask for help (but with your mouth shut so you can actually hear the help), run around the block, have a snack, schedule a tutoring session with dad. . .). I will set the timer for 5 min. he has that long to get himself under control and choose one or more of those ways of coping. So far he's never pushed past the 5 min. so I'm not sure what the consequence would be - but I know I'd have to have one.

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

OMG! I thought my kid was the only one. Whenever we get to something mildly challenging or (gasp!) I point out a careless mistake, he cries like a 2 year old! Maybe it's because with a classroom teacher, it's not so personal. A teacher would be criticizing the work. In his eyes, mom is criticizing HIM. Just a theory.....but it still drives me crazy.

 

During one of these crying fits, it's not unusual for him to say, "See mom....this is why I want to go to school. In a classroom there's be a bunch of other kids who could answer the question. Here, I have to know EVERYTHING! " (To which I'm always dying to say, "Oh really? You mean you actually have to learn?" )

[fairfarmhand]

ROFL...My son started when he was pulled from ps at the age of 8, unfortunately. It has just gotten more, um, annoying the older he has gotten. I can't remember ever crying in school over an assigment or re-doing work. I think it has to be the fact that I am his mom and he wants that sympathy or he wants to annoy me into changing the work load or helping him beyond what is reasonable. I know he wouldn't be caught dead bawling over this silly stuff in school if he were in ps or private school with peers.

 

 

take a picture and threaten to show it to his friends????

 

:)

[cjbeach]

Oh gosh I am in the same boat and done with it.:banghead:

 

Now everyday I get up and start a 3 strikes list with each child's name on the paper. Three strikes and you're out (and if you're almost 10 and having to deal with it -tough!!) If they get 3 strikes I take something away (computer, games, or not going outside). Honestly the crying in my 10 yo is just a diversionary activity. He'd have root canal rather than finish work some days.

I also started "Fine, you don't want to finish now..." or "It has taken you WAY to long to do this..." and followed them up with "You can stop and do it as homework then ". One night of homework seemed to haved cured that issue. :D

 

So far, so good.

Edited September 17, 2010 by cjbeach

[mcconnellboys]

Well, I will say that I have cried over pure frustration or anger in my life and I have seen others do it, too. So maybe this is just so frustrating to him that it brings out that emotion in him.

 

I think that I would tell him pretty much what you've told us: that he doesn't cry over anything else in life and that you're very frustrated with him exhibiting this same behavior every time he has to correct something. I think I'd tell him that if he doesn't want to bring this sort of frustration upon himself, then he needs to make a greater effort in doing things correctly the first time.

 

I have a son with control issues. He will pour on the melodrama for anyone who will listen or from whom he thinks he can elicit sympathy. I can read the look he gets when his cogs are turning in that direction. I began heading this off long ago by addressing the issue before he could even begin the behavior. "Don't even think about trying xyz because you think you have an audience or will receive sympathy. You will not like the resulting extra work you will be set if you go there, etc." LOL. Bringing his father into the mix by explaining to him what he was doing so that he could look for it, too, was the best thing I ever did. He can also see that he's seeking to manipulate with these behaviors.

 

I'm not saying that you have a manipulator on your hands. Only you would know that. But addressing repetitive behaviors of any type directly, explaining to him why the behavior is unnecessary and perhaps even counter-productive (look at the time you wasted in whining; you can't concentrate and do a good job when you've gotten yourself all worked up and upset, etc.) can often go a long way to help alter behaviors. It's sort of like holding up a mirror or making a recording (which also might work). When you can see what you're doing more clearly, you might decide it's not to becoming and you'd like to stop.... So I tend to think that confronting the issue calmly might work better than either ignoring it (if that's not working) or blowing a gasket....

[AndyJoy]

I don't have a child that age yet, but I had a 6th grade student who frequently cried dramatically. One day I pulled her aside and talked about how she was wasting something precious--her tears. I told her that people have a wonderful gift to be able to feel the pain of others and even cry for them. But if you spend your tears crying over your own little problems like a misspelled word, hard assignment, or mean comment from a classmate you will become so inwardly focused that you completely miss the chance to give your gift of tears to someone who really needs them. I gave her a few examples of things worth crying over. Then when she cried (or started to) in class, I quietly asked, "Is this worth spending tears on?" She was able to compose herself quite easily! This worked very well for her. On the few occasions that the tears lasted more than 30 seconds, I sent her to the bathroom, saying, "While you wash your face think of someone who could use your tears more than you." It only took a couple of minutes for her to calm down vs. the 30 minutes it took prior to our talk.

[Mandy in TN]

I'd try to keep in mind that kids this age are often hormonal, and having their mom tell them to just "suck it up" is kind of like having your DH tell you to just suck it up when you're PMSing and feeling really weepy and overwhelmed. It wouldn't really improve your attitude, would it?

I have surrounded myself with people who would say exactly that and it does indeed improve my attitude. If I was weepy from PMS (boy, that would be bizarre), my dh had better bloody well tell me to get a grip. I would do the same for him. No pity parties allowed.

 

FWIW, I don't actually use the words, "suck it up" with him...that is just how I feel. I do, however, ask if he would be crying over this in ps in front of his friends (answer is always NO) and if he thinks he can cry his way out of school work (again, NO)...then carry on once the tears are dried because it didn't help your cause one bit, kid.:glare:

If you are sure he is doing it just to try to get away with something and that he would never do this in front of a group of peers, tell him to suck it up.

 

Rebecca, I've gone over "appropriate" ways to handle frustration (take deep breaths, ask for help (but with your mouth shut so you can actually hear the help), run around the block, have a snack, schedule a tutoring session with dad. . .). I will set the timer for 5 min. he has that long to get himself under control and choose one or more of those ways of coping. So far he's never pushed past the 5 min. so I'm not sure what the consequence would be - but I know I'd have to have one.

I have been known to do these same things. I don't give sympathy or excuses, but I am all for teaching coping skills that my ds can use as an adult.

 

take a picture and threaten to show it to his friends????

 

:)

:lol: I wouldn't do it, so I wouldn't threaten to do so, but :lol::lol: it's a fun thought.

 

I don't have a child that age yet, but I had a 6th grade student who frequently cried dramatically. One day I pulled her aside and talked about how she was wasting something precious--her tears. I told her that people have a wonderful gift to be able to feel the pain of others and even cry for them. But if you spend your tears crying over your own little problems like a misspelled word, hard assignment, or mean comment from a classmate you will become so inwardly focused that you completely miss the chance to give your gift of tears to someone who really needs them. I gave her a few examples of things worth crying over. Then when she cried (or started to) in class, I quietly asked, "Is this worth spending tears on?" She was able to compose herself quite easily! This worked very well for her. On the few occasions that the tears lasted more than 30 seconds, I sent her to the bathroom, saying, "While you wash your face think of someone who could use your tears more than you." It only took a couple of minutes for her to calm down vs. the 30 minutes it took prior to our talk.

That is such a beautiful explanation that I almost hope I have a chance to use it.

Mandy

[scrapbookbuzz]

Have you been listening to me?? I tell my kids when they cry unnecessarily, "Are you bleeding? Did somebody die? Did you break a bone? Then you don't need to cry." I also tell them not to come to me with a complaint unless they come with a solution as well. That being said, my 12yo dd does have Asperger's so if she's crying I really do need to find out why. That doesn't mean she has a legitimate excuse for crying but if I find out the WHY then, hopefully, we can avoid the same scenario again.

 

Hang in there! You're not alone!

[Mimm]

I think I would have destroyed my seven year old emotionally if I had no tolerance for tears. Or if I had only a little tolerance. She's a cryer. She cries when she gets hurt, even just a little. She cries when school is hard. She's cried when her sister got invited to a birthday party and she didn't and when my sister called to talk to me and not her. She's cried when the dog chewed her "favorite" toy and when she couldn't find her other "favorite" toy. She cried when I made spaghetti for dinner. Because she doesn't like spaghetti. Or when Imogen had the last jello cup. She's cried when Imogen has called her names or when I've responded in an irritated tone of voice or when her father sent her to her room. She's cried when a game on the Wii was too difficult or she couldn't find her jacket/book/shoes/etc. Basically, any time she's sad or has hurt feelings or disappointed or hurt physically. And she's very easy to hurt physically and her feelings are very delicate. It's maddening sometimes, but I've learned to be very patient, to judge when something actually does require some comfort, how to make her laugh when she's still in tears and to send her away to calm down so I don't get frustrated with her. One morning she didn't do any schoolwork because I sent her away over and over again to cry it out in her room. That afternoon she didn't get to do anything because she hadn't done school that morning and she got an early bedtime because clearly she needed more sleep. :)

 

Really, most of the time she's a very sweet, cooperative, quiet, funny little kid. She understands my sarcastic sense of humor easily and gives me this look when she knows that I'm joking. Her schoolwork is done very neatly (if very slowly) and she's a fast learner. When she gets excited her voice gets all high pitched and we tease her for being "squeaky".

[Corraleno]

I wouldn't automatically assume that because a child can "hold it together" in school, to avoid the humiliation of crying in front of his/her friends, that the crying at home is manipulative or fake. My son, who is hypersensitive, rarely ever cried in school, but if he'd had a difficult & frustrating day he'd come home and totally lose it over something ridiculous like discovering we were out of milk, or his pencil broke.

 

Most adults, even when we're PMSing/exhausted/frustrated/upset, can avoid sobbing in the Walmart aisles or at the post office. Then we get home and unload on a kid/dog/DH, or just go sit in the bathroom and cry with a Snickers bar. Doesn't mean we're "faking it" just because we waited until we got home.

 

Jackie

[Virg]

OMG my 14 year old DSS is the same way! I understand he is frustrated, esp since he has FAS but seriously! I keep trying to calmly talk to him about how I understand schoolwork is hard but he needs to learn other ways to deal with frustration besides bursting into tears. (We have made lists of other coping mechanisms and practiced them but he WON't try them when upset! He just ignores me and keeps crying!) I try so hard to be calm but it is really really irritating! I have always told my twins to take deep breaths, try to calm down and talk to me, even if they were hurt, obviously his birthmother didn't do the same lol. DSS just drives me nuts. If he gets frustrated at work is he seriously going to cry hysterically? He has to get a job one day soon and I am not sure how well that is going to go over!

[Denisemomof4]

How funny I read this today instead, instead of when I saw it yesterday. The reason must be that I had to deal with this today from my almost 11 yodd. I also got angry, but calmly told her that crying would earn her more work.

 

I had these days with my boys, too. And I can say, the age (11) has a lot to do with it.

:grouphug: Hoping today went better!!!

[Tree House Academy]

I appreciate all the comments and I do understand that we are going to have some different perspectives on this because our children are very different from each other and, likely, we are applying the thoughts to our own children.

 

I assure you that I do not get angry when my son is obviously frustrated with something, when he cries because someone has deeply hurt or upset him, etc. However, my son usually gets MOUTHY when he is hormonal and he can be a really rude little pill then. The crying I am talking about in this post is not his frustrated cry, nor is it his emotional cry...it is his "I don't wanna!" cry. Laziness. Nothing more.

 

I have a friend who tells me he is 11, going on 14 with the way he runs his mouth. That is a whole 'nother post, though. That is where his hormonal bursts are...rudeness!

[mom2jjka]

OH my goodness...YES! My 10 yr old son turns on the waterworks every single day! I am going crazy, too ( but I ma glad to see I'[m not the only one dealing with this situation)

 

I though my daughter was a drama queen when she hit puberty, but he is WAY worse!

[Garga]

I'm not looking forward to 10 for boys!!!! I've heard SO MANY parents of 10 year old boys say that they start crying over everything.

 

It really must be hormonal. But very wearying for mom, from what I understand.