Talk me down from this ledge please

[Amy loves Bud]

PS starts Monday. I've got the registration forms all filled out for my kids to go.

 

I honestly do not want to homeschool them right now. I was feeling this way at the end of the school year and took a long hard look at why, and I think we've come to a meeting of the minds as to how to fix the things that make me crazy.

 

We've had a nice long summer break. Homeschool is planned and organized and I feel good about what we have on the schedule.

 

But I just don't want to do it. I want to be alone. I want to work out, make healthy meals, help Bud with his business, have some time for myself to be alone and think. And I'd like to do these things for longer than 5 minutes without being interrupted. And then I imagine having the house clean and organized and stocked with delicious meals, and myself being refreshed and peaceful. Then when the kids come home I can focus on them and what they need.

 

But of course I don't want to send them to public school. And they don't want to go.

 

So can you make me feel good about homeschooling? Please. I'm seriously in tears about this.

[justamouse]

(((hugs)))

 

I am so with you.

 

The only thing I tell myself is that this too will pass. Yours are smaller and much more demanding.

 

1. Nothing is written in stone that you HAVE to start school soon.

 

2. Don't let yourself come to the point of resenting them. Take that time. Carve it out, and make it happen. Your goals? Make them happen. You can do that while you have them home. It will take longer, but you can. Train them to respect you and give you that time.

[RamonaQ]

:bigear:

 

Feeling the same way.:001_huh: I am wondering if it is just the end of a long, nice summer, the age of the kids (I have an 11yo and an almost 8 yo), and the length of time homeschooling (5 years).

 

The only thing for me is that I know that school would not be very good for my kids right now, and I really want more for them. For me, when I think of school it is more of a fantasy because honestly after school, we would not be home, calm and peaceful-- the reality is we would be running around to activities for the kids EVERY single night. Yes, dinner would not be a rush for me to make, but it would be for the kids to eat and then move on to homework. Also, my kids wouldn't hardly see each other since they would be at different schools, on different schedules. Plus, I am not seeing that the moms I know that send their kids to school seems so blissed out.

 

That said, I do wish for calmness, peace and time to focus on ME. I think though this may not be the season of my life.

[shinyhappypeople]

Well, you'll still have the 3 year old running around, so your dreams (which I share, fwiw) wouldn't be a reality anyway.

 

Barring any special needs, your older 2 boys are plenty old enough to care for the younger for an hour or two while you carve out your daily alone time. Seriously, put the 12 year old in charge and go to Starbucks (or wherever).

 

If you haven't already done so, please teach your boys to cook and clean ASAP so they can contribute more at home and take some of the burden off of you.

[bookfiend]

:grouphug: sometimes I feel, I just need a Mom sabattical, and today is one of those times.

[FO4UR]

:grouphug: sometimes I feel, I just need a Mom sabattical, and today is one of those times.

 

:iagree::grouphug:

[hornblower]

Have YOU actually had a break this summer? Maybe you can squeeze in a weekend away ALONE?

 

Sounds like you're craving some more 'alone' time. Have you scheduled that into your school year &, even better, have you scheduled it into your daily plans?

 

And also, maybe it's just the natural 'I don't want to go back to school' feeling.

 

I still get kind of sweaty thinking about September (start of school here & all my life, it's what I think is the beginning of "the year". January is not the beginning at all......)

 

When you spend a huge chunk of your life in school, start of the school year comes loaded with all kinds of emotional memories. So maybe it's just residual stuff from YOUR school years?

Edited August 20, 2010 by hornblower

[Susan in TX]

:grouphug:

 

I know just how you feel. And I did put mine in school for one semester (actually we didn't even last the whole semester...pulled them out after Christmas break.) I won't say that there aren't advantages to having the kids in school, there are. The problem is that there are also disadvantages. And in the end, for me, the price I had to pay for a few hours of quiet every day just wasn't worth it.

 

I'd focus on changing how you homeschool. Try to narrow down what exactly it is about homeschooling that makes you not want to do it and change those things. I was starting to feel like I didn't want to do this again and I realised that I need to use a curriculum that will allow my children to work independently. I don't like having to tell them what to do constantly. I found an online curriculum: Time4learning. It is making homeschooling much more enjoyable for me and the kids.

 

The other thing is do what you need to do to get time for yourself. Get dh to watch the kids, hire a babysitter, send them outside...whatever it takes. There comes a time that you need to make your needs a priority. If you take care of yourself then you will be in a better place to care for others.

 

Susan in TX

[Catherine]

After five years of homeschooling, I was totally ready to throw in the towel this year. I think for me it was about not having my own needs met for months, years, on end.

 

I sat down and tried to figure out what it is that I need, absolutely, to maintain my sanity and keep this going. I know you may have very different needs from mine, but I'll just tell you my thought process. I am an introvert, and I NEED solitude and order. To achieve this, I put some rules into place to protect our homeschooling time, so that every day between 12:30 and 2:00, my kids will study and read independently, in their rooms, and I will be alone in my "study" (corner with a desk). This area will be absolutely off limits for kid stuff and chaos. I work on the weekend so this time is it for me-it's all I will have to recharge.

 

I taught my 13 yo to do the laundry this summer. He will largely assume this task in the fall. I also talked to my dh about household chores and he will help me, when I ask, to enforce the division of labor so that it doesn't all fall to me. I have older kids, my 21 yo nephew, 13 yo son and 9 yo son. My 17 yo will be abroad this year. The 21 yo will do much more of the cooking-something he likes and is very good at.

 

I also moved our school room to the basement. It was in a well-lighted, but very cold and drafty corner before, so it will be more comfortable, and hopefully contain the mess a little better. Equally important, I am working diligently to eliminate interruptions. I'm paying our cello teacher extra to come to the house, so we won't have the harrying weekly across town drive during rush hour.

 

I could go on, but the point is, if you want to keep homeschooling, and your kids want you to, then what's needed is for you to find what YOU need to make it possible. In our family, mom is the emotional and energetic center of everything. All the holiday stuff, day to day work, heck, a big chunk of the breadwinning, falls to me, and finally I've recognized this and set down some rules to make it possible for me to continue this and stay sane. Hope you are able to do the same.

[MariannNOVA]

I can only say that I understand completely and totally. There have been some good suggestions here, heck, some great suggestions here.

 

Probably the only reason I can face this coming school year is because we did take the summer off - I absolutely HAD TO! The kids absolutely HAD TO!

 

And......I am keeping my fingers crossed that nothing happens and we can spend the entire school year homeschooling in our house and not being moved out b/c of home repairs. THAT made last year SO MUCH of a challenge.

 

I wish I had something wise and conclusive to say to you, but I don't. I can only say what I usually say to moms on this board: trust your instincts. No one knows your family like you. And I love the person who wrote about having 90 minutes of uninterrupted time and her kids were not allowed to disturb her. THAT is GENIUS!

[RoughCollie]

But I just don't want to do it. I want to be alone. I want to work out, make healthy meals, help Bud with his business, have some time for myself to be alone and think. And I'd like to do these things for longer than 5 minutes without being interrupted. And then I imagine having the house clean and organized and stocked with delicious meals, and myself being refreshed and peaceful. Then when the kids come home I can focus on them and what they need.

 

I would send the kids to PS. You can pull them out any time. Give it a chance for a month -- everyone will have time to adjust, and if you think anyone is better off not being there, take them out.

 

It's not going to kill any of you or do irreparable damage to anyone if you give this a try. I've done it, and none of my worst fears came to pass.

Edited August 20, 2010 by RoughCollie

[SophiaH]

I would go insane without a 1.5-2 hour rest time for my kiddos every day. My youngest still naps, and my older two are in their own rooms playing/reading/coloring/listening to audiobooks quietly. It gives them a break from each other and gives me a time to do my own thing--clean, read, nap, get on the computer, study, etc. I will keep this up throughout high school if possible.

[Liz CA]

Amy, would it help to consider this an adventure, an experiment? It need not be forever. If you discover that PS is not right for your family, you just pull them out again and say to yourself: "Oh well, we tried it and it did not work. Now we go back to this route."

 

OR...you'll love it and they'll like it and it works for the family dynamics.

Wait and see. This is not a one-way street from which you cannot return.

[Melinda in VT]

When was the last time you went away for the weekend? Not with DH. Just you.

 

I have been astounded at how restorative *quiet* can be.

[Remudamom]

Here's a different approach. I know you're tired. BTDT. I am not judging anyone here who has sent their kids to ps, but for me, hell would have to freeze over. Maybe it has frozen at your house, I don't know.

 

But at some point you decided to homeschool. Why? Are those reasons no longer valid? We've been homeschooling for 18 years now, probably a couple to go, and our reasons are still the same. Nothing has changed.

 

Homeschooling is tough on mom. I do my own thing when I have the time, but I just don't get into the "me" time, or "alone" time or "I'm leaving for a weekend on my own" time. For me it's enough to go to bed and get up in the morning. You won't be a mom with little ones that need your attention forever. Do what you can do for them now.

 

For the arguement "I can't be a good mom if I don't feel good/rested/whatever about myself", bull. At one point we had five under six years old. I was tired. I was exhausted. Tough nougies.

 

Then we had five teens. No comment. Still homeschooling.

 

If you're at the end of your rope do something fun. You haven't said that any of your kids are posing any particular problems....... or chill for another week. Or just bite the bullet and do the next thing.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm just realistic. Yeah, it's hard work. It won't get done unless you do it.

 

ETA- You don't want to send them and they don't want to go?? Make it work, you can do it.

Edited August 20, 2010 by Remudamom

[bethben]

When I get crabby about being pulled in all different directions, I take a time-out which I call Mommy spa. Basically, I cook dinner and then when hubby comes home, I take my dinner into my room and have a night just by myself to do with as I please. No one is allowed to interrupt (including dh :glare:). It helps me get some "me" time. I also have the manditory nap/quiet time in the afternoons which I'm afraid may get sucked up into extended school time due to our 3 year olds need to be heard ALL THE TIME. Mommy spa may be happening more often.

 

Beth

[Chris in VA]

I would start with "Luke, this is Romy. You will have the great honor of doing preschool activities with your beloved sibling this year. If you want help Payton will assist you with ideas, materials and joining group activities. These are the preschool materials I have [hand child FIAR or point to the shelf of art supplies, kids music and children's books or whatever]". Then "Payton dear, you will be helping your brother conduct preschool this year. I expect you to cooperate and be pleasant. Preschool will be from 8-10 daily."

 

Then during preschool you can get dinner started, go for a walk and clean something that will make you happy.

 

Great idea! I'd make it an hour, tho.:D

[KellyW]

I hear you loud and clear. I see my friends meeting for lunch, heading to the gym and going shopping without children. I wonder what it would be like. It might be fun for a little while, but ultimately I would miss spending that time with my kids. There would be the afterschool rush to get homework done so we could make it to our other activities. Then the rush to get ready for bed so they wouldn't be tired in the morning. The free time would be on the weekends, but then we would be rushing around trying to fit in "family" time that we didn't get during the week. Everytime I think of it from this perspective I know that I'm doing what is best for all of us. It is a season in my life that will pass much too soon.

 

Here are some suggestions that may help lighten your load: give your children weekly chores (empty the dishwasher, clean bathrooms, fold laundry etc), make a dinner menu on Sunday for the week (sometimes the biggest challenge is deciding what to make, take an evening or a weekend afternoon without the children to do what you enjoy (your husband can handle the children for a few hours or hire a babysitter) and/or find a park day where your children can play and you can talk with other parents.

 

Most of all remember the beauty of home schooling is that you can do what works for you. School four days a week or just in the mornings or a couple of hours in the morning and a couple in the late afternoon. Try different things until you find what meets your needs.

 

Kelly

dd 11

ds 6

[BeckyFL]

PS starts Monday. I've got the registration forms all filled out for my kids to go.

 

I honestly do not want to homeschool them right now. I was feeling this way at the end of the school year and took a long hard look at why, and I think we've come to a meeting of the minds as to how to fix the things that make me crazy.

 

We've had a nice long summer break. Homeschool is planned and organized and I feel good about what we have on the schedule.

 

But I just don't want to do it. I want to be alone. I want to work out, make healthy meals, help Bud with his business, have some time for myself to be alone and think. And I'd like to do these things for longer than 5 minutes without being interrupted. And then I imagine having the house clean and organized and stocked with delicious meals, and myself being refreshed and peaceful. Then when the kids come home I can focus on them and what they need.

 

But of course I don't want to send them to public school. And they don't want to go.

 

So can you make me feel good about homeschooling? Please. I'm seriously in tears about this.

 

One thing that I've learned is that all of the ideas about the wonderful things that would be accomplish, all the alone time you would have, etc usually don't work out anyway. It's kind of like when you get a raise and think of all the extra things you can do with the money. Somehow the money is just gone. Time is the same way. To tell you the truth it's even more depressing when you think you've HAD the time and you look around an notice that the house is still not perfect, the exercising still not consistent and the fabulous meals are not as often as you'd like. The other thing with school is that your time of homework, activities, etc moves from daytime to after school and evening right when the pressure seems the highest. I felt a lot MORE stress when my kids where in Christian school long ago.

[BeckyFL]

ed on the end of accomplished please. UGH!

[mlktwins]

No advice, just :grouphug:. I've already started hsing my twins (5) in June, but PS doesn't start here until Sept 8th. I've thought often about sending them -- especially since we are moving to a neighborhood with a really good school. I would love to take care of me for a change (I'm 43 and not getting any younger), work on getting the new house in order, etc. But...I just can't do it. They would be in a class with 26-30 other kids and what kind of attention would they get. I also don't want them in full day K (I know that's not an isssue for you). They are young and I want them to have fun and play in these early years. I also want to try hsing before they ever experience being in a PS.

 

I'm a newbie so I'm sorry I don't have more advice. Just know you are not alone.

[Halcyon]

I understand! You need to figure out a way to carve out time forr yourself. Really. Quiet time every afternoon is a REQUIREMENT in this house. Plus, I go to yoga 2-3 times a week, whether I need to hire a sitter or get DH home on time. It keeps my sanity. My boys help me keep things tidy by doing chores, so that's key also.

 

I was just talking to a friend whose child is entering K this year. She will have to be on car line at 7:30 am every day, she is going to be on the PTA, water volunteer (??), park assitant once a week, lunch lady volunteer, field trip mom., box tops mom (??), email organizer, room mom....of course, she needn't have signed up for all this, but all the other moms were volunteering, so there is a sort of pressure...LOL. Let's just say that would be FAR worse for me than any shouting/screaming/overall drive-me-battiness that my kids engage in with me at home. Sounds like a heck of a lot of work. Plus, keep in mind that your life and your family's life will revolve around the SCHOOL calendar--no more last minute road trips, no more extended vacation just because, no more lingering over long books just because you love them. And the homework!!! you'll be banging your head over homework too.

 

:) have I convinced you that PS isn't all roses and bubble baths for mom?? :lol: Hugs to you, whatever decision you come to. And remember, either way no decision is irreversible.

[MamaAkins]

I hear you loud and clear. I see my friends meeting for lunch, heading to the gym and going shopping without children. I wonder what it would be like. It might be fun for a little while, but ultimately I would miss spending that time with my kids. There would be the afterschool rush to get homework done so we could make it to our other activities. Then the rush to get ready for bed so they wouldn't be tired in the morning. The free time would be on the weekends, but then we would be rushing around trying to fit in "family" time that we didn't get during the week. Everytime I think of it from this perspective I know that I'm doing what is best for all of us. It is a season in my life that will pass much too soon.

 

Here are some suggestions that may help lighten your load: give your children weekly chores (empty the dishwasher, clean bathrooms, fold laundry etc), make a dinner menu on Sunday for the week (sometimes the biggest challenge is deciding what to make, take an evening or a weekend afternoon without the children to do what you enjoy (your husband can handle the children for a few hours or hire a babysitter) and/or find a park day where your children can play and you can talk with other parents.

 

Most of all remember the beauty of home schooling is that you can do what works for you. School four days a week or just in the mornings or a couple of hours in the morning and a couple in the late afternoon. Try different things until you find what meets your needs.

 

Kelly

dd 11

ds 6

 

Kelly, I think you hit the nail on the head!:iagree:

[MamaAkins]

Remember, the grass is *not* always greener on the other side once you get there! The life of a PS mom (lunch with friends, clean house, time to exercise, etc) also comes with a side of carpool, homework all evening, cramming for tests, exposure to undesired attitudes or ideas, etc. Perhaps it's time for you to remember whatever inspired you to start homeschooling and evaluate if those reasons still hold true.

 

{{{hugs}}} Praying that you can find a solution that works for you and your family!

[Sweetpeach]

Hi Amy,

 

I get your situation -- I'm living in it with you.

 

Heading into year 7 with almost 12 and 10 year old boys and 7 year old girl.

 

The problem with this year . . . my olders have been in a full day paddling program all summer. They love it -- love friends all day, love the exercise, the play, the fun.

 

The big boys and I are dreading fall. I don't want them in ps, yet but I've got no energy for hs'ing. My schoolroom isn't tidy or organized [thankfully, I did buy the curriculum bits and it's mostly here]. Like you, I've enjoyed headspace, time for me, time to be Tricia and I don't know how to feel balanced with myself in the midst of homeschooling. I feel like my life shrinks and I beat a well-worn path between schoolroom/kitchen/laundrypile.

 

Trust you find the umph you need to feel ok -- whether that's ps or hs.

 

Warmly, Tricia

[CLHCO]

I was there two (three?) years ago. Public school isn't on the table in my world, so I just sort of found things they could largely do independently, and changed my view of what "school" must look like in the short term. Partial unschooling, hit only the basics, and then use parent friendly curriculum for those few things.

 

I'm not the perfect homeschooler. I burned out from even trying to be. Now I'm a marginally average homeschooling mother at best, and yet, they still soak up information from somewhere. If anything, they get an extra dab of freedom from this to really develop unique talents/skills. If you take any stock in test score even, they are doing quite well in most subjects.

 

It's taken a lot of time, but I'm coming back now. I have taken my son's schooling far more seriously than I ever did before, and I'm helping my daughters come up with what they'll need their final 2 years of high school. Not perfect, but I still think, from a point of view that does not see academics as the cornerstone of living, superior to what they would have had otherwise.

:grouphug:

[tex-mex]

Sorry to hear that... :grouphug:

Take or carve out some time for yourself. I may be confusing you with someone else, but weren't you and the family going on a mission trip to Mexico? You were moving? :confused:

[5LittleMonkeys]

I don't know you personally so I can only tell you what I would want to be told if I were where you are. So, I'll start with a :grouphug: and then :

 

I also don't get the 'me time' thing. If I wanted all that me time, I wouldn't have had all these kids. I am all too aware of the time slipping away from me. My oldest is 12 and it makes my stomach turn in knots to think that I only have 6 more years. 12 years seems to have gone in the blink of an eye. 6 will seem like a split second. This is my children's time not mine. It will be my time after I have raised them to be adults and they have moved out to start their own families.

 

However, I do take time to do things that need to be done, to get on this forum and to read and sew, but it really doesn't take that much effort to carve out enough time to allow me to do those things. I average about 3 to 4 hours of time a day that I can do things that I want to do. On the weekends it is more like 6 to 8. If you can honestly say that you don't have any down time at all during the day then you need to be seriously examining your lifestyle and making some changes. I take 30 minutes after lunch when the dc aren't allowed to bother me, I have about an hour after we finish school to relax before I start dinner, and then I am off duty at 8:30 pm. If they get out of bed for something they go to dad. My older two go to bed later but they know not to bug me. When my kids aren't doing school or chores, they are playing. Sometimes I will play a game or some other activity with them but when I'm done I say, 'go play' and they do. Everyone helps clean once a week, my oldest does the laundry during the week, my second oldest cleans the kitchen after meals. But honestly, if they didn't help (for some reason I can't even fathom right now) I would just do it because I'm the parent and this is what I signed up for, and honestly I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Soon enough I will be like my mom; sitting at home with lots of me time, but wishing she had kids around to fill up her days.

 

If you are feeling stressed take another week or two and be pro-active in making changes in the way YOU manage things. Don't let your kids and your life manage you; it will cause resentment. There are lots of great ideas on this thread. You can have your cake and eat it too!

[DianeW88]

I have been homeschooling for the past 16 years straight. My children have never been to a brick and mortar school. My oldest is 20, my youngest is 9. Has it always been easy? NO! Has it always been worth it? YES!!

 

Also, it is possible to have a clean home, time for yourself and lovely meals on the table every single night. You just have to figure out how to achieve that. For me.....it's having my children keep up their end of the chores, doing "once a month cooking" or using my crockpot (dinner MUST be in the works by 10 AM...non-negotiable), and having MANDATORY quiet time for the kids, in their rooms, for 1-2 hours. And, by mandatory, I mean they are not allowed out of their rooms unless they're bleeding or on fire. SWB has a little youtube vid on this very thing.

 

You need to also spend one on one time with your dh without your kiddos. My dh and I have a "date night" once a week, and it's something I try to be very fun and creative with.....just because I like to be. However, I don't come up with my own ideas, I want to do other things with my time, so I use this website: http://thedahlingdatingdivas.blogspot.com/. So much fun and my dh loves it. I plan 2 date nights per month, he plans the other two.

 

It also sounds like you need some time away by YOURSELF to regroup and reorganize. My suggestion would be for you to spend 2 nights at a hotel and plan and organize how you want things to go this year in your home and in your school. It's amazing how helpful a good planning weekend can be!! And, if the hotel has a spa....so much the better!! :D

 

Just step back, take a deep breath and try again. Homeschool isn't perfect, but I think it's much better than the alternative. And, yes, it is possible to have all the things you want in life and STILL homeschool. It is not a choice between the two worlds. It isn't so black and white. And, it TRULY isn't, "If my kids were in PS my house would always be clean and we would always have fabulous dinners and my life would be quiet and organized." Every public school mother I know would say "HA!" to that. :lol:

 

Good luck in whatever decision you make.

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years

[HayesW]

Co-op, classes, enrichment, whatever you want to call it. My three oldest children attend a co-op two days a week. Could you find something like that, that would give you a day or two off a week to regroup? Would having the three year old in preschool help you?

[CLHCO]

You need to also spend one on one time with your dh without your kiddos. My dh and I have a "date night" once a week,

 

Ok, I don't have great meals on the table every night. I shoot for as often as possible, a few times a week, every night, or whatever.

 

My house is often marginally messy.

 

My kids are messy. (I think I know where they get it from.)

 

I have lines I draw on what I will put up with before life gets away from me but THIS one I quoted above is mandatory.

 

I have built-in babysitters now who have been told from day one that they will babysit for us once a week, in house or out. I pay for extra if we have other things, but once a week they give us a freebie and I let them live here. :lol: When they weren't old enough, I'd go get us some fancy pasta makings or steak, toss the kids mac & cheese, rent two movies - one to mindlessly occupy the kids, and one for us. We'd go hide in the bedroom for dinner and a movie, sticking the kids somewhere else with a movie.

 

You can also do something like this once a day. Don't worry about it. As long as the bulk of your week isn't hiding from children and neglecting family life, enjoy!

[Nancy in DC]

Just have to say, Amy loves Bud, that your blog is hilarious. Really. Very funny and well-written.

 

Burn-out is an issue for me too, and sometimes it's staved off by having something to look forward to. I think one day off a month-- either where someone takes the kids OUT OF THE HOUSE for many hours, or where you get in the car and GUN IT to someplace relaxing for the whole day-- is an immeasurable gift to yourself. And your children. It would have sounded indulgent before homeschooling; now it seems reasonable and necessary, if not sufficent.

 

Blessings on you this year!

[Corraleno]

One thing that I've learned is that all of the ideas about the wonderful things that would be accomplish, all the alone time you would have, etc usually don't work out anyway. It's kind of like when you get a raise and think of all the extra things you can do with the money. Somehow the money is just gone. Time is the same way. To tell you the truth it's even more depressing when you think you've HAD the time and you look around an notice that the house is still not perfect, the exercising still not consistent and the fabulous meals are not as often as you'd like. The other thing with school is that your time of homework, activities, etc moves from daytime to after school and evening right when the pressure seems the highest. I felt a lot MORE stress when my kids where in Christian school long ago.

:iagree:

If your kids don't want to go to PS and you don't want to send them, then if you do send them, you will just feel doubly guilty when you're still not getting the things done you thought you would, and you're still not feeling rested and calm, and you're kids are unhappy in school. If you don't feel ready to start school yet, then don't — there's no reason your homeschool has to start the same week as PS. If you need some time to reorganize things so homeschooling works for you, then take it.

 

I totally get the need for "me" time (not that I ever get "me" time, LOL) and wanting a clean, calm house, etc., but I think you need to make a list of what's not happening that you need to happen, and then find a way to make each of those things happen. For example:

 

Clean house: Can you get your kids more involved here? My kids (12 & 7) do most of the housework here. It's not done perfectly, but it gets done, so I can just spend a couple of hours on Saturday doing a deep clean, because the floors are already swept, the bathrooms are reasonably clean, the dishes are washed and put away, etc. You could even look into getting someone to come in and do the deep cleaning on Saturday (or whenever).

 

Time for cooking/working out/chilling: What's preventing you from having this time? Is your "school day" taking too long? Too many extra-curriculars in the afternoons? Are the older kids having quiet reading time while the 3 yo naps? (If not, I'd institute that one right away!)

 

If it's school itself that's stressing you out, can you get the kids working more independently? They should be able to do MUS, LoF, and JAG/AG pretty independently, no? Are you doing the other subjects with both kids together? When you have to work one-on-one with a child, can you get the other one to watch the 3 yo, so you can be focused and efficient? Can you organize your day so you're done with the teacher-intensive things by noon, and any work done after lunch (e.g. reading and outlining history, reading literature) is done independently in their bedrooms while the little one naps? Then you'd have a couple of hours to yourself every day, to read or cook or just chill out. Or school 4 days/wk, hire a sitter on Fridays, and take the day off. Or do both!

 

Have you looked at the Latin Centered Curriculum? If you're adding in Latin this year, you could drop grammar and probably logic. You could set up a "loop" schedule so that you cover math and Latin every day, and do the other subjects on a loop — e.g. do however many you can fit in before noon, then start with the next subject in line the next day. Maybe you need to give up (at least temporarily) your idea of what the "perfect classical education" looks like, and work out what a doable classical education would look like. If that means schooling half-days, or 4 days/wk, or hiring a housekeeper or a babysitter, so be it. Whatever you do, it will still be better than PS!

 

Jackie

[Remudamom]

Diane is right. It can be done.

[May]

If you put them in ps, doesn't mean they have to stay there. Maybe some time away from homeschooling will allow you to recharge. May you have a sense of calm with whatever decision you make:grouphug:

[kwickimom]

I don't know you personally so I can only tell you what I would want to be told if I were where you are. So, I'll start with a :grouphug: and then :

 

I also don't get the 'me time' thing. If I wanted all that me time, I wouldn't have had all these kids. I am all too aware of the time slipping away from me. My oldest is 12 and it makes my stomach turn in knots to think that I only have 6 more years. 12 years seems to have gone in the blink of an eye. 6 will seem like a split second. This is my children's time not mine. It will be my time after I have raised them to be adults and they have moved out to start their own families.

 

However, I do take time to do things that need to be done, to get on this forum and to read and sew, but it really doesn't take that much effort to carve out enough time to allow me to do those things. I average about 3 to 4 hours of time a day that I can do things that I want to do. On the weekends it is more like 6 to 8. If you can honestly say that you don't have any down time at all during the day then you need to be seriously examining your lifestyle and making some changes. I take 30 minutes after lunch when the dc aren't allowed to bother me, I have about an hour after we finish school to relax before I start dinner, and then I am off duty at 8:30 pm. If they get out of bed for something they go to dad. My older two go to bed later but they know not to bug me. When my kids aren't doing school or chores, they are playing. Sometimes I will play a game or some other activity with them but when I'm done I say, 'go play' and they do. Everyone helps clean once a week, my oldest does the laundry during the week, my second oldest cleans the kitchen after meals. But honestly, if they didn't help (for some reason I can't even fathom right now) I would just do it because I'm the parent and this is what I signed up for, and honestly I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Soon enough I will be like my mom; sitting at home with lots of me time, but wishing she had kids around to fill up her days.

 

If you are feeling stressed take another week or two and be pro-active in making changes in the way YOU manage things. Don't let your kids and your life manage you; it will cause resentment. There are lots of great ideas on this thread. You can have your cake and eat it too!

 

Not to hijack, but I just have to say I LOVE this post. I have to remind myself of this sometimes. I WANT to devote as much time as possible to my kids. I get burnt out and need breaks as we all do, but next time I am whining to myself about it I am going to reread this thread and remember these days will be gone all too soon. THANK YOU

[bookfiend]

 

Also, it is possible to have a clean home, time for yourself and lovely meals on the table every single night.

 

How about if I just come and live at your house instead? :lol:

[thepoteetteam]

Oh my how many times have I felt this way? However, I have chosen to view homeschooling like divorce. It's NOT an option. I am committed no matter how hard it gets. It's what's BEST for my children and my family. Nobody promised me it would be easy and nobody promised that they would hold my hand. I have found the support of these boards to be awesome when I am looking for that absent hand, but more than anything......the Lord will carry me through! This is God's plan for educating my child. If I get the Word of God in to my child, then that's the most important thing I can do. I know some may not feel that way on this board, but that's what carries me through. School is NOT on a specific schedule. If you are not ready now, don't worry. It's not that bad catching up after a loooooong break. Pray....just please pray for God's direction. Don't rely on your own feelings. Look for HIS will for your family! HUGS!:grouphug:

[Amy loves Bud]

Wow! So many responses! Thank you all.

 

I can't respond to all of you, but there were some common points, so I'll just generally address them here.

 

 

1. My kids are great kids. They clean (with some prompting), they love to play with their little sister. They do their schoolwork without complaining, but also without relish. I'm not trying to get away from my kids. I'm needing a break from the job of homeschooling.

 

2. I don't have a philosophical problem with public schools. Even though I'm mainly a libertarian, I buy into the idea of public education. We've always said it was a year by year thing, although I was pretty adamant, even a year ago that middle school would not be the first introduction to PS for my kids. I guess I'm rethinking that. ;)

 

3. I get "me" time when I need it. And honestly I don't really think that's the issue anyway. It's more of a "Wow, homeschooling is a fulltime job, and I"ve already got this fulltime job with caring for the family, and maybe I'd like to try just one fulltime job for a while."

 

4. Bud and I have time together. We go out, we take walks, we go on trips together, etc.

 

Mainly, I've got the 7 year itch, and I want to change.

 

However, I just went up to the middle school with Luke, and it was interesting. Everything is very busy, so the counselor couldn't meet with us but will be calling. I got a little sad thinking of not doing those things with Luke, but Luke started getting excited about the possibilities.

 

At this point I don't know what we'll do. Just going up there gave me some peace that it's not so terribly awful, and that either choice will work out fine. That's given me some calm about the whole thing, and I'll probably leave it up to Luke. Whatever he chooses, I'll follow suit with Peyton.

 

At least that's what I'm thinking at 3:35. I'll update at 3:36 as things change. :D

[Amy loves Bud]

Have YOU actually had a break this summer? Maybe you can squeeze in a weekend away ALONE?

 

Sounds like you're craving some more 'alone' time. Have you scheduled that into your school year &, even better, have you scheduled it into your daily plans?

 

And also, maybe it's just the natural 'I don't want to go back to school' feeling.

 

I still get kind of sweaty thinking about September (start of school here & all my life, it's what I think is the beginning of "the year". January is not the beginning at all......)

 

When you spend a huge chunk of your life in school, start of the school year comes loaded with all kinds of emotional memories. So maybe it's just residual stuff from YOUR school years?

 

You know, I don't think that's it. I spent so many years in school because I LOVED it! Parisarah would have loved having me as a student because I devoured the syllabus the minute I got it.

 

I do have a weekend getaway with my five dearest friends coming up in September. Can't wait!

[Amy loves Bud]

Sorry to hear that... :grouphug:

Take or carve out some time for yourself. I may be confusing you with someone else, but weren't you and the family going on a mission trip to Mexico? You were moving? :confused:

 

Yes, that's us. It's probably two years down the road or more at this point - either Mexico or Central America. Costa Rica is looking probable. So we will probably resume homeschooling at some point if we do go the PS route right now.

[mum]

Sending encouraging thoughts. Trust yourself that you know what needs to happen and what is right for your family. This year is not forever. You could take a sabbatical, or not. I have found once I got rolling again that things are OK at home. I have let a few more of my perfectionistic tendencies go, and made peace with a few things that I would love to change but can't.

[DianeW88]

How about if I just come and live at your house instead? :lol:

 

You are more than welcome!! Be prepared to be put to work though....how do you think I get all done?? :lol:

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years

[justamouse]

I would start with "Luke, this is Romy. You will have the great honor of doing preschool activities with your beloved sibling this year. If you want help Payton will assist you with ideas, materials and joining group activities. These are the preschool materials I have [hand child FIAR or point to the shelf of art supplies, kids music and children's books or whatever]". Then "Payton dear, you will be helping your brother conduct preschool this year. I expect you to cooperate and be pleasant. Preschool will be from 8-10 daily."

 

Then during preschool you can get dinner started, go for a walk and clean something that will make you happy.

 

Ha! That's the best!

 

 

I'm not the perfect homeschooler. I burned out from even trying to be.

:grouphug:

 

This is me, too. Not only did I burn myself out, but I'm pretty sure I destroyed my oldest's love of learning and burned him out.

 

I don't know you personally so I can only tell you what I would want to be told if I were where you are. So, I'll start with a :grouphug: and then :

 

I also don't get the 'me time' thing. If I wanted all that me time, I wouldn't have had all these kids.

 

I totally understand your post, I run my household the same way, but I'm a bit ruffled by the tone of those two sentences. The "me' thing comes from being an introvert most times.

 

I'm an introvert and 6 kids (i have 7) wanting a portion of me all day and then my husband in the evening--I burn out. If I don't have sanity time where I sit in total silence and stare at a wall, I start cracking. It's not selfishness, it's introversion. It's the only way I remain sane. It's my personality type, and it doesn't make me a selfsh person or a resentful mother.

 

Just say'n.

[5LittleMonkeys]

 

 

 

I totally understand your post, I run my household the same way, but I'm a bit ruffled by the tone of those two sentences. The "me' thing comes from being an introvert most times.

 

I'm an introvert and 6 kids (i have 7) wanting a portion of me all day and then my husband in the evening--I burn out. If I don't have sanity time where I sit in total silence and stare at a wall, I start cracking. It's not selfishness, it's introversion. It's the only way I remain sane. It's my personality type, and it doesn't make me a selfsh person or a resentful mother.

 

Just say'n.

 

I never said that anyone was selfish. I was speaking of myself completely. I was referencing the fact that the OP stated that she wanted to have all day to do all of the things that she wanted to do. (someone else before me called it me time so I just used that term) I was simply saying that I didn't understand that thinking and that if I did feel that way I couldn't have had 5 kids. You'll notice that farther on in my post I make reference to the fact that I do take time for myself because, like you and many others, I get burned out too.

I'm sorry that you or anyone else thought I was calling people, who carve out bits of time for themselves, selfish and resentful. I wasn't. In fact, I don't think that people who send their kids to ps so they can have lots of me time are selfish either. That thinking is just very different from mine.

 

By the way, I like staring at walls too.:D It's what I do at 8:30 pm.

 

 

Anyway, it sounds like Amy has cleared her thoughts and realized that it isn't really the me time but more that she is just burned out on homeschooling. That is a different issue and I hope she finds what works best for her family at this time.:D

[Erica in PA]

I hope you don't do it. From what you've said, it sounds like your kids and family will be better off with homeschooling. As far as getting things done during the day and being able to focus on the kids, I think most moms of kids in public school, if they're being honest, will tell you that there is not time for much of anything once the kids get home from school. From getting home from school, after-school activities, dinner, to homework and gathering everything for the next day, there is very little quality parent-child time during the week. So you're not only giving up the time your child is in school, but most of the day, most days.

 

Also, I have to disagree with those who suggest casually putting your kids in school to just see what happens. I have known far too many people who've done something similar, only to realize the benefits of homeschooling just as their children are adapting to school life-- and then have the problem of children who don't want to come home again. Public schooling is a totally different lifestyle from homeschooling, and you can't just expect kids to bounce back and forth between two different worlds without repercussions.

 

I know the feeling of just not wanting to homeschool, I do. But for me, I personally wouldn't base such a huge, life changing decision on my feelings. Especially if the children wanted to be homeschooled, I would do it, but find ways to make it easier and more enjoyable for myself as well.

[delaney]

I can't tell you how many times this summer I have been giving this second thoughts! To make it worse I have all of my friends telling me that I:

A. will kill my kids by October

B. Never have alone time

C. am sacrificing my sanity

 

So I think and I think HARD about just sending them to school. Then I review last year in my mind and consider all of the frustrations I had and how unhappy I was with our elementary. I have 2 in PS, 2 are HS, and 2 little ones. I long for days to cook, clean, and workout! TIME FOR ME!!! Then I consider how terrible I will feel when they graduate high school and are gone. How selfish I was to put them in school I thought was inadequate for my own needs. I knew very well going in to parenthood that there were huge sacrifices coming and this is one. Hold on sister! You can get through this!:grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I do not know what is best for you and your family, I can tell you what I did a couple of years ago when I was at that point. I just slogged my way through it. It wasn't fun, but eventually it somehow wasn't so bad. I've always wanted to do what Kathleen in VA is proposing - doing more of an active unschooling year.

[tex-mex]

Yes, that's us. It's probably two years down the road or more at this point - either Mexico or Central America. Costa Rica is looking probable. So we will probably resume homeschooling at some point if we do go the PS route right now.

Ah ha... thought so! ;)

 

If it helps, I know of a family who homeschooled their 4 oldest kids (7 kids total) and the mom had to go back to work when the oldest kids were 11th, 9th, 6th, and 4th grades. Her kids did really well in ps. One of them was student body president, another got major scholarships, another won state recognition, etc. They're in college now and the younger kids are in junior high and high school doing great. HTH

[TXMomof4]

All I can say is "I feel your pain!" :grouphug: But we started school last week and it is going to be good. If we get to Christmas and it sucks, the schools will still be there.

 

I really, really, really had to pull myself up by my bootstraps and suck it up this year. BUT when I looked at the reasons I hs, I couldn't NOT do it, KWIM? There is more reason to hs this year than ever and it wouldn't be fair to the kids or myself to abandon it right now.

 

Hope you're feeling better today.