If your kids were/are terrified of water, how did you get them over it?

[FairProspects]

I am paying a fortune right now in private swimming lessons at a private pool. There are maximum 3 other kids at the pool while they are swimming and it is a very small facility.

 

Despite the best conditions, my kids spend all of swimming lessons screaming, climbing out of the pool, and running towards the parking lot. I'm not kidding, I actually have to chase them and hand them back to the instructor in the pool.

 

It is a huge stress for me, and a financial drain for a very unpleasant experience. I could handle paying it if they were learning and having fun, but this is the exact opposite. If you have/had kids who were afraid of the water, how did you help them overcome it? Did you wait for them to outgrow it? I really need them to learn to swim - we have tons of water around here!

[MotherGoose]

I can't help with fear of water, but I think I prevented mine from being afraid by pouring water over their faces in the bath since infancy. Can you get in the water with them?

[Pretty in Pink]

I wouldn't force the swim lessons if they are literally climbing out of the pool, running and screaming as you have described. I don't see how forcing them back in day after day is going to help.

 

What I would do is take them swimming, often, with you and/or dh. Let them get used to the water in a relaxed setting. Play in the shallow end of the baby pool for the summer. Don't make a big deal of it.

 

You want them to be comfortable in the water. Lessons can come later.

[Daisy]

:grouphug:

 

I have no clue, but I understand completely what you are talking about. I have spent an incredible amount of money on swimming lessons (private and group) to finally reach a point where my kids will play in shallow water. That's it. They won't put their faces under water. They can't swim at all.

 

UUGH. So frustrating. :glare:

 

Oh, and my kids are 8yo and almost 11yo. They love playing in shallow water but that is it.

[olan719]

I'm sorry. :grouphug: I know how you feel; I was greatly relieved last week when swim lessons ended! It was highly stressful for me, and at times embarrassing. ;)

 

One of my twins was jumping off the diving board and swimming across the deep end by the end of the lessons, and well the other...I decided it was best for her not to attend her last session. I don't consider myself the type of mother who never pushes her children out of their comfort zones, but I also felt the instructor was causing damage to dd that was going to be hard for me to undo. For instance, she was dunking her under the water when she would cry!!! DD was not scared of putting her face in to begin with, so I didn't want her to become afraid of that too. DD's problem was lack of confidence in actually swimming on her own.

 

For me, since I know my child well, and she trusts me, I am just going to teach her myself. I know enough from watching this summer that I can work with her. I know exactly how far to push dd, and what kind of "psychology" works for her. :D If I were you, I would try to work with them myself as much as possible. I wouldn't avoid the water, but I would definitely try to find what ways your child is more comfortable...take baby steps if needed. Good luck! I hope things get better. :grouphug:

 

Like a pp said, can you get in the water with them?

[Sophia]

Both of my little boys were like this at the beginning of summer.

I took them to our local pool every day for three weeks and let them play in the "baby" pool with their superheroes.

They slowly began getting more comfortable and eventually started putting their faces in the water and asking to go in the "big" pool.

 

At that point, I signed them up for swimming lessons...found a high school girl who now has them swimming underwater and jumping off the diving board!

 

Their lessons end Friday and I'm thinking I'd better keep them in the water a lot for the rest of summer so they don't forget all they learned.

 

As for the lessons...this girl has an inground pool and met with my three younger dc for one hour a day for two weeks.

While she worked with one, the other two would play in the shallow end or practice whatever she told them to do. Spending an hour in the water with her was a big help in their progress.

[LinRTX]

My youngest has had swimming lessons twice--two different summers. She did not run screaming from the pool, but she would not do what the instructor wanted. She is still afraid to float, but has now gone off the diving board several times (just in the past month).

 

My solution. Skip the lessons. Take them to the pool with friends. They will have fun. Eventually the peer pressure will have them swimming (at least some).

 

My daughter is now 10 so it may take some time.

 

Linda

[Laura Corin]

I spent a lot of time just standing in the water with one of my children and playing. At first we played in water that was barely knee-high. Slowly we built up until the day when he could wet his face. This took the whole summer for about seven years. Good luck.

 

Laura

[Daisy]

I think part of our problem is that we just don't have access to a pool every day. The only access we have is through swim lessons or the once or twice a year visit to a hotel.

 

I have no means to get them in a pool every day.

[Nan in Mass]

My mother urged me to blow bubbles, first in a bucket and then in the bathtub, and then worked hard to get me to put my face under in the bath. The bath was warm and non-threatening but it was still scary. It worked, but I dídn't like putting my face under for years. I had trouble learning to swim because of that and because I was very thin and sank. I tried swim lessons when I was older, but I didn't really learn to swim until my father taught me the side stroke. That is a good stroke for sinky thin children who don't like to get their face wet. Anything that involved the flutter kick rather than the frog kick is bad, and anything that requires them to face forward into the wave or lie on their back where water gets slopped over into their eyes and they have to turn over to dump it out is bad. My parents let me swim in a life jacket and that helped me to be less afraid of the water because I floated nice and high in it. I also liked flippers because they let me go fast and stay higher. Ear plugs and a nose plug helped, too. Goggles didn't because the water leaked in and then I couldn't get it out.

HTH

-Nan

[ScoutTN]

What I would do is take them swimming, often, with you and/or dh. Let them get used to the water in a relaxed setting. Play in the shallow end of the baby pool for the summer. Don't make a big deal of it.

 

You want them to be comfortable in the water. Lessons can come later.

 

:iagree:

 

This is what we are doing with our kids. Let them play in the water lots and lots. Wading pool in the back yard, play in a real pool all year long. Great if you can find one with a beach-type, gradual entry.

 

As they get more comfortable, work on the absolute basics: breathing and floating. Face in the water. Blowing bubbles. Opening eyes under water. Bobbing. Sometimes it can help to have them learn to relax and float in a life jacket (a real pfd, not a cheap float or water wings!) to get the feeling of what they are aiming for.

 

P.S. I am a WSI and have been teaching kids to swim for 26 years.

[NanceXToo]

Let them approach any and all water activities on their own terms, in their own way, in their own time, with NO pressure or sense of being "forced."

 

Otherwise, if you haven't already, you may be setting them up for a lifelong phobia.

 

Drop the lessons immediately. You need to stop putting them through what is obviously a trauma for them.

[lmrich]

I agree with dropping the lessons. But go to the pool every single day. Have fun, no pressure just play. They will at least lose their fear of the pool.

[rafiki]

.

[kathkath]

This is what we do with our kids. $$$$ but if anything will get them over it, this will. A good friend of mine finally had her 5yo dd do this because she was terrified. After a day or 2 of ISR she was over it and happy in the water. Some kids take longer than that, but they get through it.

 

http://www.infantswim.com/

[Brenda in FL]

This is what we do with our kids. $$$$ but if anything will get them over it, this will. A good friend of mine finally had her 5yo dd do this because she was terrified. After a day or 2 of ISR she was over it and happy in the water. Some kids take longer than that, but they get through it.

 

http://www.infantswim.com/

 

:iagree: All my kids had lessons from ISR instructors. They start out crying but they really do learn what they need to do if they fall in.

 

You say that there is a lot of water around you. If your kids are exposed to open bodies of water on a daily basis - then I have a hard time agreeing with stopping the lessons. But - it does sound like a different approach is needed. Are they daily swimming lessons? Is the instructor working one-on-one with each child? These are things I'd look to have if you don't already have them in place.

 

If the kids aren't exposed to open bodies of water on a daily basis - then yea - I'd probably quit too and just try the slow immersion approach already suggested by several others.

[cdrumm4448]

DS was terrified of water from a very young age. I had him in mommy and me swimming lessons at 9 months old, and every single year I would torture both of us with swimming lessons. Nothing worked. It was a horrible experience for both of us. Then, I gave up a few years ago. Now, we spend a week every summer in Michigan and the house we stay at has a pool. Those all day sessions in the water are what worked. No stress, no pressure. Oh, and I got him goggles that covered his nose. Worked like a charm. You'd never know it was the same kid. He swims underwater like a fish now.

[LauraGB]

I agree about dropping the lessons. Dd loved lessons and had no problems. Ds hated putting his head under, hated water up his nose and in his ears, refused to do what the teacher told him to do if those things would occur (and duh, they would). So after enough attempts, I let him drop it. A few years later (he was about 5 when we started lessons) he wanted to go "play". Through messing around on his own (without anyone telling him he "had" to) he's overcome all those fears. He can float or paddle to stay alive, and for now, that's good enough. He'll figure it out when he needs to or when he's good and ready.

 

It is worrisome for me, though, because he fishes a lot, so he's around water all the time. I'm hoping that some sort of logic will kick in if he falls in or slips in the river and he'll use what he already knows to keep himself safe. I offer private swimming lessons often, but he still always says no.

[Paige]

Maybe they need a different instructor. My girls were like that exactly- screaming, kicking, and running away. They were just getting worse and worse and none of us could go to the pool because they were too high maintenance. I finally signed them up with a school that costs way too much but specializes in special needs children. It was the best thing ever. The teachers approached them differently and in a way that helped them do their best and the pool was even set up a lot differently than the other swimming pools we had been to for lessons. Maybe you could ask around for whoever in your area is known for teaching special needs kids. My girls spent the first two lessons with these people screaming and crying, but by the 4th lesson they were telling me they wanted to be swim teachers when they grew up! I wanted to cry. They still can't swim independently (about 6 lessons in) but they are now teachable and not scared and I think we'll be able to transfer them to a less expensive group class at another place. We'd love to stay at this school but it is just too expensive for us to keep doing.

[bettyandbob]

My kids were never terrified of the water. One went through a fear of deep water, after he could swim the length of the pool, he had to stay in lower level lessons because lessons for his level were taught in the diving well. He stayed in the lower lessons for about a year. Another one of my kids had lessons ok for a few months and then was upset in lessons for several months and then ok again. Don't know what tipped him off.

 

I teach swimming. Are you afraid of the water yourself? The most resistant kids I've had parents who didn't swim. The worst was a 7 year old whose mom was afraid of the water.

 

I think the only way to get over this is to go to the pool all the time. Once a week lessons don't cut it. In the summer we are in the pool 4-6 days a week. In the winter my youngest typically has a lesson once a week and a play time with me once a week. My older kids are swim team veterans who do not swim year round anymore.

 

If you want to drop lessons, use the money to regularly go to a pool and play. If you can find a pool with a low entry 0 depth "beach entry" or as low as 2 feet would be great. Play play play. I know a lot of woman who hate the pool and don't want to get in with their kids, but your kids need to see you do this. Just like you read for pleasure and that habit encourages reading in children, enjoying the water encourages their progress. Realize progress will be slooooowwww. Sing songs in the shallow water. Throw balls (and work up to having th balls splash in their faces). Crawl in the shallow water. Put your hands on the bottom and kick your feet.

 

So instead of making a committment to taking them to lessons, make a commitment to play in the pool with them at least weekly (2 or 3 times is better). Treat it as a commitment like you do the lessons. It may take a year or two but if you are in the water and slowly increasing and changing your games and activities, your kids should get more comfortable and eventually be ready for regular group lessons.

 

I suspect the younger child has taken cues from the older. When you are ready to go back to lessons, I'd separate them.

[OrganicAnn]

My DD was slow to get comfortable in the pool. We wanted to do swimming lessons starting at 3, but she was just not ready. We have a 1/2 acre pond and stream on our property, so it was a big concern. But the good thing about not liking the water, is that she was not tempted by the pond or the stream.

 

We would take every opportunity to get her in the pool. And every year she did better. Now that she is 6, suddenly this summer she is taking lessons, doing somersaults in the water. What a difference.

 

So wait. But if you have lots of water around, you just have to do adult supervisor. It is hard, but even swimming lessons wouldn't guarantee they won't drown. Adult supervision is a must.

[Rosy]

I can't help with fear of water, but I think I prevented mine from being afraid by pouring water over their faces in the bath since infancy. Can you get in the water with them?

 

I tried that with my kids--they always hated it. My girls would tolerate it, but it definitely didn't make them more comfortable in the water. DS acted like he was being waterboarded. Seriously.

 

I wouldn't force the swim lessons if they are literally climbing out of the pool, running and screaming as you have described. I don't see how forcing them back in day after day is going to help.

 

What I would do is take them swimming, often, with you and/or dh. Let them get used to the water in a relaxed setting. Play in the shallow end of the baby pool for the summer. Don't make a big deal of it.

 

You want them to be comfortable in the water. Lessons can come later.

:iagree: This is what we did with DS. Eight months ago, he wouldn't jump in the pool no matter what we bribed him with. This was after at least 3 sessions of lessons. Now the first thing he asks in the morning is "can we go to the lake today?".

 

The main thing I did was getting a YMCA membership. If cost is an issue, you might be able to get it at a reduced rate. (or if you're part of a virtual academy, they might reimburse you for it. I'm in WA and that's what we do--PM me if you want to know more.) We went at least 2-3 times a week and would play in the adjustable-floor pool, which was usually 2' or 3' deep. I would let him wear a life jacket in the main pool. Another thing--we bribed him with a trip to Great Wolf Lodge. He needed to have a reason why it was important *to him* to learn how to swim, "someday you might be with friends and not be comfortable or safe in the water" didn't cut it. We also got him goggles--I had told him he needed to be comfortable without them before I'd buy them...but it turned out that wasn't a hill worth dying on. And one of his friends was a good swimmer.

 

Through this whole time, he was doing lessons. He stayed at the same level for three sessions. He just wasn't getting the kind of instruction he needed in group lessons. So we did private lessons (which it sounds like you're doing). I didn't pick the instructor all the kids flock to, I picked the one who heads the swim team and actually explains to kids how to do what he's telling them to do. He subbed in DS's class and I saw that he had a great way of getting the kids to learn. So we did lessons 3x/week for 4 weeks--this was recommended because kids tend to forget what they've learned if there's too much time between lessons. As of Monday, he finally passed the level he's been on all year. But he's also much more comfortable and confident in the water.

 

I will say it's not completely over for us yet. He still has a lot of fears in the lake, especially when some idiot comes by on a jet ski and makes the waves go crazy. :glare: But he's come really far and I think has overcome most of his mental/emotional obstacles.

 

One more thing--I'm surprised the instructor is forcing him in the water. Is he/she a teenager? Most of the instructors I've seen have allowed scared kids to sit with their feet in the pool, or sit on the top step and take MAJOR baby steps.

[Rosy]

Oh, forgot to mention: 3 group lesson sessions + 12 private lessons = $492. This was just to move him up one level. Some kids are resistant and it's just going to take a lot more time and money. It just is. But it was important to us, so we figured out a way.

 

I think part of our problem is that we just don't have access to a pool every day. The only access we have is through swim lessons or the once or twice a year visit to a hotel.

 

I have no means to get them in a pool every day.

If you can get them to swim lessons regularly, can't you take them to open swim at the same pool?

[Ottakee]

Can you buy one of those smaller quick set pools that are only 18 inches or so deep and put that in your back yard? Then the kids could get in the water every day and splash around, get their faces in the water, blow bubbles, etc. while still being able to touch the bottom at all times. Something like this http://www.qualityinflatables.com/56453.html

[ChristusG]

This is what we do with our kids. $$$$ but if anything will get them over it, this will. A good friend of mine finally had her 5yo dd do this because she was terrified. After a day or 2 of ISR she was over it and happy in the water. Some kids take longer than that, but they get through it.

 

http://www.infantswim.com/

 

Another vote for Infant Swim Resource. They are EXCELLENT. Pricey, but so worth it. My dd's went through ISR last summer when they were 2 and 5. Both were afraid of getting their faces wet. After the six weeks of lessons, I had two little fish on my hands.

[Cricket]

I agree with dropping the lessons. But go to the pool every single day. Have fun, no pressure just play. They will at least lose their fear of the pool.

 

:iagree: When we first moved to AZ, my now 9yo ds (he was 5 at the time) wouldn't even put his face in the water. We were in an RV and it was HOT and there was nothing else to do but hang out at the city pool every day. By the end of our first summer here, he was swimming like a fish and jumping off the diving boards into 13 feet of water. No lessons, no pressure.

[PiCO]

I think I would go with trying to develop comfort around water like so many others said, BUT- I don't think fear of the water is a bad thing if you can't swim.

 

I think the most dangerous time for your kids will be when they get over being afraid of the water, but they are still unable to swim. So watch them like a hawk when they are at that stage.

 

My oldest fell face down in a river when she was about 18 months old and became afraid of water. I put her in infant swim lessons and she screamed her head off for weeks of torture. When she was done, she loved the water and has ever since. Looks like your kids are too old for infant swim lessons though.

[FairProspects]

It is definitely not the instructor - she is a college student majoring in Special Education and she really is great with the kids. I don't even think the screaming phases her. I'm just super embarassed by it. The boys won't even get in the water when dh and I are in the pool, which started the conversation about swim lessons.

 

I think we will finish up this swim session and call it good. We will try to get the pool more often as a family, but one of the biggest problems is a lack of a public pool in town. We have a couple of high school pools but they are open very limited hours for rec swim, and not at all on the weekends. I wish we could join the Y, but right now it is cost prohibitive. I'll have to do some more thinking about this.

[LibraryLover]

Well...I might consider taking them out of swim lessons for now and revist them later. Doesn't seem worth it, really. Nothing good can come of screaming and chasing. I'd maybe get a kiddie pool and let them splash around for now.

[celticmom]

My daughter had a major water phobia after Katrina and it has taken a long time for her to start to become more comfortable in the water. Both DH and I have been in various pools with her dangling her feet in the water first and then she would gradually get farther in the water. We also have a large tub in our house now so that may have helped her to adjust as well. The real turning point was when she would visit a friend of hers who had a pool and let's just say that in this case peer pressure was a good thing.

[joannqn]

My daughter was the same way. I tried swimming lessons where she was 1 or 2 kids in the lesson. I didn't help. I tried a year of swimming lessons twice a week at the YMCA (5 kids in each class) when she was 8, turning 9, and we got nowhere in that year. I finally shelled out $16 a lesson, two lessons a week, at a place that caters specifically for fearful kids. After 3 months, she is swimming fairly well but still hates the water. She'll still get flustered and cry if you ask her to do something new (ie. tweak technique to be more correct or a new stroke) or get through class with a sub. She's 10, and still crying at times.

 

Personally, I'd look for lessons specifically for fearful children rather than regular lessons. You need someone who knows how to work with these kinds of kids. I'd also consider waiting until they are a little older unless you have a specific water hazard, like owning a pool, that makes them needing to learn now a necessity.