Sensitive question for those who went through tough times

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

If you've ever been in a tough financial situation, what would have been the best way to help out? I would like to give someone enough money for groceries for a month, I don't expect it back. I just don't know how to offer it.

Should I leave the money anonymously? Should I hand it in person? Is this a case where it's so dependent on the personality of the receiver that you guys just couldn't know the best way in my situation?

 

I could also go through the church, although we are of different denominations. I don't know how I could arrange for the donation to be to that specific family, but it would give me a tax receipt, allowing me to give more. But it feels so tacky to be looking for a tax receipt!

 

I just don't know how to help.

[homewithtrinity]

If God is leading you to give, just hand it to them in an envelope and tell them. I can't tell you how much that refirms someone's faith when they are having a tough go of things.

[5kidsforME]

Gosh this is a hard one. We have been through many a tough time financially, some of our own making thats for sure. On one hand anon. is so tough as the recipient because you have no way of thanking anyone. On the other hand it is nice because you know (or at least hope) it is an individual who didn't want any credit and therefore isn't going to go blab it all over. Not to say that if you do let them know you would blab it. See?? This is not even easy to think it out. lol

 

Another good thing about anon. is you wouldn't feel indebted to the person that gave it because you wouldn't know who it was. We had money given to us once and it was anon. and the way we thought we could honor that gift was passing it on. We have given $ anon. a couple of times now to others that have needed a little help.

[5kidsforME]

If God is leading you to give, just hand it to them in an envelope and tell them. I can't tell you how much that refirms someone's faith when they are having a tough go of things.

 

This too is a good answer. :001_smile:

[Night Elf]

Is this a friend, really close friend, or relative?

 

For a casual acquaintance, I'd likely have a grocery store gift card sent anon with a blessing. For a close friend or relative, I'd ask if they would accept the gift card that I'm offering out of pure love and because I'm in a spot where I can help.

[Dawn E]

What a blessing, Cleo. I think it really will depend on the personality of the person and how well you know them. If you have a close relationship, you could just hand them the money, tell them you love them and that you don't want it back. When dh was in school, people who cared about us often helped us, and it humbled us to accept their gifts. As believers, we always saw it as God's provision despite whose hands He delivered it through. It also helped to know that others cared enough to offer of themselves.

 

If you don't have a close relationship or if you think it might be received with embarrassment or guilt, you could give anonymously.

[chai]

When we were needy, a friend anonymously mailed gift cards for the grocery store. I don't know who sent it, but I have a pretty good guess. It was a really sweet gesture and it was a little less embarassing than getting it directly.

[Sue G in PA]

Do you know how they feel about accepting gifts or charity or help like this? It's hard to say what I would do unless I knew your relationship and knew the person. We've been in financial hard-times in the past and our church was a real life-saver in times of need (esp. during Christmas and other holidays). They took up a collection for "families in need" and gave the cash to each family. My best friend handed us this envelope of cash right before Christmas and I really fought her about accepting it b/c of pride. We both ended up in tears at the end and she wouldn't let me go home w/out the envelope.

 

Anyway, you could get a gift card and give it anonomously. That way, neither you nor the recipient would feel "awkward", KWIM? Honestly...I would probably go the anonomous route to avoid that awkward feeling. You are so generous to help this person...what a blessing. The world certainly needs more people like you willing to help others in times of need. God bless you!

[Old Dominion Heather]

I would talk to the minister of the other church anonymously. People have done that before if it was a substantial gift, they just called the pastor and mentioned that they would like to give the money anonymously. Once you know that the pastor will go along with the plan, it is nice because you don't have to worry about the money getting lost in the mail or anything weird happening.

[Whisperlily]

I completely agree with the anonymous gift card. Even if it is a close friend or relative, or perhaps especially if it's a close friend or relative, to avoid any feeling of indebtedness, or a change in the relationship.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

We don't have what I would describe as a close relationship. I would know how to handle it, if we did!

 

It's a homeschooling family from my support group. We do activities together once a week, and we've known each other for about 6 years now, but it's not really 'close'.

 

I still don't know if I'll go through with this. I'll be praying hard tonight that's for sure.

[elegantlion]

We have been in tough situations and the best gifts we received were Walmart gift card in the mail, anon. Sometimes when you are going through a hard time it feels like everyone knows all of your business. Some tough times are meant to be private, or only shared in confidence, so anonymous makes it easier on the recepient.

 

It's when you get through the tunnel, and realize that the light at the end is not a train, that's when you can share the blessing.

[PineFarmMom]

A few years ago a friend was struggling. I went to the store and bought groceries, all the things I knew her family used, the necessities. I also purchased some fun items that they would enjoy, just a few frivolous food items that her kids would love. She was so touched to see God provide for her like that. I can't tell you how much fun I had doing that. :)

 

4 years ago while I was pregnant, dh was self-employed, we had no insurance and barely had 2 pennies to rub together, were about to foreclose on our home (God saved us in that too). I was scraping food together for us to eat. A precious homeschool mom walked up to my door, knocked & handed me an adorable card that she had made with $150 in it from various homeschool moms that knew that things were hard for us. I was at a very humble point then and took it with such joy. I can't tell you how much it meant to me that God helped me through these sweet people. It meant a lot to them too. It's weird to look back on that. It was such a difficult time, but I had such a closeness with God and such a thrill in every single provision He gave. We have more than enough now, and oddly enough, even though I am happy & content, I have never had the same joy in my life as I had watching God provide. That was my first experience with that kind of financial crisis, and it was such a blessing. It was pivitol because I know now that His hand is there under us. Sorry. That was more info than you wanted...just started remembering there for a minute. lol God is good!!!!!!!

 

Teresa

[Aubrey]

Since dh has been in seminary, someone has sent us anon money orders twice.

 

I agree, I'd like to send a thank you, but it's also much easier to accept that way, kwim? I don't worry about whether or not the giver could really afford it as much as I would otherwise.

 

Most of all, I'd like to be able to tell the person that they sent it right when we prayed for it, to encourage them in their faith, if nothing else.

 

HTH.

[Janet in WA]

We received anonymous gifts a couple of times when we were young and poor. They were given anonymously, and I think that was more comfortable for us.

[OnTheBrink]

I'd send a grocery store gift card to them anonymously. They might be embarrassed if you handed it to them personally.

 

You're very sweet. :)

[Elaine]

When we were needy, a friend anonymously mailed gift cards for the grocery store. I don't know who sent it, but I have a pretty good guess. It was a really sweet gesture and it was a little less embarassing than getting it directly.

 

My husband and I did this for a couple at our church. We knew that they had a need, but we didn't want to make them feel badly about it so we did it anon.

[WagsWife]

My Dh and I had been praying for a few months that God would show himself evident to our girls. We wanted the girls to see God working miracles in peoples lives.

 

Right before Christmas, I curbed our van, popping our front driver side tire...meaning 2 brand new tires were needed. I was *sick. I had never done anything so stupid...costing us so much money. I only told two people that I was concerned about how we were going to pay for the tires.

 

A couple of days later DH notices a bulge on the back driver side tire. When I had hit the curb, the back tire rubbed the curb enough to place a large bulge...making it now four new tires we needed. I was devastated (We did not have the money for both new tires and Christmas) and embarrassed. I told no one about this new development as it was still sinking in. DH decided we would get a credit card to pay for the tires...something which was hard for both of us, as we had not had a CC for years.

 

That night I came home to an envelope placed in our Christmas wreath...it had a beautiful card telling us what a blessing we were, and they knew we were concerned about the tires. It also had $500 in it! This was almost exactly the cost of the 4 tires, balance and alignment! Of course we were relived to not have to get that CC...but even better, we were thankful that whoever it was, gave us the opportunity at bedtime that night, to show the girls that God knows our needs...and will take care of us!

[Nestof3]

I would mail them a grocery store gift card with a nice card signed anon. If you name yourself the person will always feel somewhat beholden to you -- or at least I know I would.

[Amy in Orlando]

Since you don't know her well, I vote for the anonymous gift - cash, gift card, whatever.

 

Having been in that kind of situation before, it's an amazing thing to know that some anonymous person cares enough to do something like that. Things are much, much better here and I try to do this kind of thing whenever I can.

[pixelroper]

anonymous, especially if you do not know them well.

[Marie in Oh]

With one family we went to the grocery store and got them a month worth of basics and left them on their door step (they were home and we waited til they came out to get them). For another family, we left a money order made out to them on their kitchen counter while they were at church. We wanted to do it annonymously.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

We have recieved money anonymously. We probably would have given it back or not accepted the offer if it wasn't anonymous.

[angela in ohio]

We give anonymously usually. A gift card to a grocery store would be great. if you gave it to the church and earmarked it for one specific family, it technically wouldn't be tax-deductible. (Someone might have already said that.)

[Scarlett]

My mom, raising two children totally alone, received gifts both ways a few times. The anon has always bugged me....I just can't stand to not know things though...:) I think with a family where there is a husband/father anon would be easier for him to accept.

 

My mom was given a envelope with cash for new tires too one time! She tried to refuse, but the man said, 'how could I sleep at night knowing my 'sister' (spiritual) was driving her two babies around on unsafe tires. I have the means and I have the desire.' She took it.

[Punkinelly]

It depends on the person, but you could give it to her pastor, asking him to give it to her. Or just hand it to her in an envelope and say something brief, then change the subject so she does not feel awkward about it.

 

Mary

[Joanne]

What a kind, generous and helpful action. You'll bless this family more than you'll ever know.

 

{{hugs}}

[Tess in the Burbs]

I have mailed several gift cards to people I know in need. Just put their address in the mail to and reply to areas. then they can use it for food. i prefer this over cash.

[Linda in NM]

My husband gave some friends $500 for their water bill, so they wouldn't have water turned off...he just insisted they take it, since they had a baby coming...and we've paid tons for a friend's son, who is a gifted hockey player, with a mother from "the wrong side of the tracks." I keep reminding her that we're all stewards of what God gives us, and I fully expect her boy to do the same for others when he can. Just what we do, if we have money. If we don't, we share our time and talent. Practical Christianity, as my mother used to say...

[MomOfOneFunOne]

Well, this was "back in the day" but I love the story. My husband's grandfather was a preacher (Church of God of Prophesy, if you've ever heard of that) and he was a great hand at building, et c so he would be sent around to different areas to build a church, get it going, and then get moved off. They lived off what was recieved from the local church so in the early days of a church, there wasn't much. There was a stream, though, and many days all they had was a small fish and maybe two from there. Well, one day the fish weren't biting. Grandpa finally gave up and on the way back up the hill to the house/church he told God that if he didn't send something soon, it would be a pretty skinny night. Couldn't God just send something for the wife and young uns. When he got back to the house, he checked the mail. There was an envelope with $50 in it. It had gone through the postal system but all that was on the envelope was the stamp, post mark, and "To That New Preacher on [whatever] Road." He always said that God sent that money. Whoever's hand had put it in the mail . . . it was sent by God.

 

I just love that story. I'm not even remotely of that religion but always viewed him as a holy and faithfilled man.

 

That doesn't answer your question of what to do but maybe it will give you something to think about that will help you decide.

[MomOfOneFunOne]

My mom was given a envelope with cash for new tires too one time! She tried to refuse, but the man said, 'how could I sleep at night knowing my 'sister' (spiritual) was driving her two babies around on unsafe tires. I have the means and I have the desire.' She took it.

 

Oh, I ***LOVE*** that!

[crazycoffeechic]

I was working at a convenient store almost 10 years ago, my mom had me going to this church. We really enjoyed it and was going every Sunday and Wednesday night. Well anyway, I was working and one of the ladies (she was about my age and I really didn't know her, but just knew of her) in the church came into the store and told me she had been looking for me, she handed me an envelope and told me that God said for her to give this to me. We talked for a minute and then she left. I opened the envelope and it was a $50 dollar bill! I was so surprised and relieved because the day before, I noticed that two of the tires on my car were almost shredded where I had been driving and I was wondering how I was going to get the money to replace them.

[awanama]

My family grew up poor and there were many times that we would come home and find a box of food sitting in our back porch. Sometimes there were also gift cards to the grocery store so that we could go pick out our own perishable items as well. I say to give it anon. and not in cash form.

[wagnfun]

If God is leading you to give, just hand it to them in an envelope and tell them. I can't tell you how much that refirms someone's faith when they are having a tough go of things.

 

 

OK I'll only add a bit to this. Dh is wonderful in that he lets me do what I feel lead to do. There has been more then one time when forever reason I have wanted to give to a family. I always felt funny just giving them money OR whatever I was giving. I personally wanted God to be given the credit not me, so I gave anonymously with a card that said "you are loved"... I know if I were on the receiving end of the gift, I'd be embarrassed.

 

Once I gave a grocery store & gas gift card and to another newly single mom with 3 very young children, I actually gave two HUGE boxes of food (put on her porch before the sun rose so she opened the door to a surprise!) because I'd overheard her saying she never had time or energy to take all the littles with her to the store.

 

The mom I gave gave the food to expressed to a mutual friend how awesome it was b/c now she knows her kids like green beans (which she didn't use to buy). I also included a few bags seasonal oreos, which she said now every time she sees them, she remembers she is loved.

 

Just my $.02

[*anj*]

I haven't read the whole thread, but we have given away grocery store gift cards under similar circumstances. Once a friend had watched my kids for me and I just left the gift card on her windowsill. No words, just the gift card. Another time I just said I was sharing the wealth and stuck it in her purse. We have also sent gift cards with a note that said "This is just to help little Penelope get some diapers" or "We love you" or whatever.

 

I believe that when people are truly in need they appreciate an act of kindness like that. There is no room for pride, so you might as well accept the love that someone wants to show, you know?

Thanks for doing that, Cleo! :001_smile:

[Elisabeth in IL]

About 2 years ago we were in a really rough place with my dh having 2 periods of unemployment in a year. We had a couple of people hand us a card with money. On the card they stated how God led them to give it to us and that they were praying for us. It was hard and great all at the same time. We felt loved by them and a bit embarassed. The love won over the embarassment!

[*LC]

Hi,

 

I have mainly given anonymously with gift cards or food or gifts for Christmas.

 

I'm sure the family's church will be glad to send the money (or gift cards) to them for you. In fact, I'm guessing they do things like this pretty regularly. I know when we have left over gift cards at angel tree time, we give them to the church financial secretary to give to who she knows needs them. Since my husband died, people want to help. We were given a check by our church at Christmastime, because someone gave money to the church for us. (You know, until now, I never even thought that it could have been from someone outside our church.) I felt guilty, since we don't truly need financial help at this time. A friend counseled me that I couldn't give it back, because word might get back to the person that was trying to be helpful. A few weeks later some friends were collecting money to give to a family in which the father had lost his new job after months of unemployment, I cashed the church's check and gave that cash for that fund.

 

Audrey wrote, "someone has sent us anon money orders twice. I agree, I'd like to send a thank you, but it's also much easier to accept that way, kwim? I don't worry about whether or not the giver could really afford it as much as I would otherwise."

 

Last year, a dear friend, who had moved to another state, sent me a generous check for me to do something for myself, because she couldn't be here to help like she wanted. I knew in reality her family couldn't afford this, so I never cashed the check. I did appreciate the gesture, and I let them know their thinking and praying for us was all the gift we needed.

 

If you didn't choose to give anonymously, you could give the help as being from the group. I've done that before, because in my mind the group did give it...I just happened to finance it. Of course, you would have to make the decision on whether this would make her uncomfortable being around the group.

 

I guess I'd vote anonymously through her church.

 

LC

[Hen]

we went through a really tough time one year...and someone left an envelope full of cash, maybe 150$ if I am remembering right, with a short note and a bible verse. It really meant alot at the time, and I liked that it was anonymous, I didn't have to worry about not thanking the person enough or in the right way, I didn't have to worry about spending it in a way the person would approve of..it was sincerely given, with no strings attached.