Rebecca VA Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 We have a decision to make, and soon. Our 19-year-old has to drive halfway across the country this weekend and then back again the following weekend. This is a necessary part of a job he has been offered. The pay is generous, the experience is wonderful, and the company seems to be reputable. He will be using our van, which is in perfect condition (just serviced yesterday) and has airbags on every side. There is GPS built into the van. He will have his iPhone with him all the time. We can make reservations for him at good hotels that offer security. He is levelheaded and wants to do the right thing. However, he has not been in great health -- he lost a lot of weight this year and is still extremely weak. He gets anxious and stressed easily. (We think the weight loss was due to anxiety, but recently someone mentioned celiac disease, so I'm going to have him evaluated for that.) He'll be driving through a number of large cities and through some mountainous areas. My husband and I have discussed my driving with him most of the way, then stopping at an airport near where he'll be working and coming home. I could fly out again the following weekend to drive back with him. Or, I could just make one of the trips (probably the trip coming home, since it will be longer for several reasons) and let him drive completely alone one way. There are no other options. He must make this trip to do the job. I can't stay up there with him the whole week. He wants the job, he knows he'll do well at it, and really the only question is whether he should drive completely alone or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 If he was in good health, I'd say let him. He couldn't be much safer, with an iPhone and a GPS. But since he's had health problems, and gets stressed and anxious easily, it would probably be better if someone went with him. Driving across country is stressful and anxiety-inducing at times for the most laid-back people!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 If you can afford for you to fly back and forth, why not send him on a plane and let him rent a car when he gets there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan in SC Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 If you can afford for you to fly back and forth, why not send him on a plane and let him rent a car when he gets there? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 Oh, I did forget to mention that. He'll have a lot of computer and video equipment in the van. That's one reason we'll be making reservations at high-security hotels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 (edited) Yes. I drove to California and back twice by myself. The trip was 24 hrs(if I didn't stop) but I stopped both ways for the night. Once when I was 18 and then again when I was 19 (and I didn't have a cell phone back then). I would stop every few hours and call home to let my parents know where I was and that I was ok. It was an awesome experience both times. ETA: I just reread your post and somehow missed the not in good health part. If he gets stressed and anxious easily and isn't feeling very well then I would probably try to find someone to go with him. Edited June 23, 2010 by Horton Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 If you can afford for you to fly back and forth, why not send him on a plane and let him rent a car when he gets there? I don't know if this is still the case, but can a 19 year old even rent a car? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disney Dreaming Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I have a 21 yr old daughter and wouldn't be crazy about her doing it. Nothing to do with being level headed, they just don't have alot of life experience and don't always think about what they are doing. I have a navigation system and it doesn't always give the correct directions. And driving thru big cities that you don't know? I would have to find a way to go with him. Especially since he seems to have an "anxious" personality. My son has had some health issues with stomch ulcers, could he have to stop alot and go to the bathroom? That would worry me as well. Once he gets there I am sure he would be fine but 19 seems awfully young to drive 10 hrs, much less 20. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 What does your son want to do? Does he feel he is ready for that long a drive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I did it many times when I was that age. I went to college in Texas and family with in Kentucky/Ohio. However, with health issues, I would be more likely to try to do it with him or have someone along to help ease the stress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Oh, I did forget to mention that. He'll have a lot of computer and video equipment in the van. That's one reason we'll be making reservations at high-security hotels. Okay, that might put a damper on him flying unless you can ship his equipment to the final destination. Have him leave a few days early and take his time. There is no need to drive after dark since it is summer so that is a bonus. Six hours driving a day for 3 and a half days doesn't seem too difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I hope its okay, because mine drove to LA last week to visit college friends and go to E3. The big concern we had was that at 20, he is probably not allowed to check into most hotels to sleep. He slept in the corner of a gas station parking lot in the car after asking permission from the attendant. He made it there fine. He'll be returning this week. His drive was 18 hours. To make my hubby feel better, he borrowed hubby's iphone and downloaded an app that allowed us to track him on the web as he went. But really. My ds attends college in Tokyo - I have to trust that he can manage to drive to LA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 If you can afford for you to fly back and forth, why not send him on a plane and let him rent a car when he gets there? How old is he? Most car rental places will not rent to people under a certain age - for many places it is 25. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 He hasn't said, but I suspect he'd be grateful for company and some help with driving. He's not the adventurous type, especially right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Does he have a friend or sibling that can join him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Given his health circumstances, I would pay the price of an airline ticket and accompany him as you suggested in your original post. Besides, as a mom knowing that I was likely not going to have many more opportunities to spend large chunks of dedicated time with my now-on-his-own-son, I would really *want* to do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paintedlady Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Yes, as an adult if he feels physically up to it, I see no reason why he shouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Just for clarification - is this 20 hours one way or 20 hours total? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 It's 20 hours going, and 25 hours coming back (they're filming at different locations). There aren't any relatives or friends we could ask to go with him, and really, it wouldn't be fair to his employer. We're quite willing to cover any extra expense or inconvenience to make sure things go well for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 1. If he'd like you to go, or isn't firm that he doesn't want you, then you should go. 2. If he had a friend - another teen or 20-something who can also drive - then I'd consider having the friend go instead. 3. If there is a grandparent in the mix, who has some time, that's another option to consider. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I would be happy for the company. Since you can afford it and he's been ill go with him. You'll have fun together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 He hasn't said, but I suspect he'd be grateful for company and some help with driving. He's not the adventurous type, especially right now. Ask him how he feels about you going with him. And if he'd like the company - go. :) He's got lots more years to get comfortable with such long drives through unknown cities and all. Sounds like an awesome adventure to me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Yes. I drove to California and back twice by myself. The trip was 24 hrs(if I didn't stop) but I stopped both ways for the night. Once when I was 18 and then again when I was 19 (and I didn't have a cell phone back then). I would stop every few hours and call home to let my parents know where I was and that I was ok. It was an awesome experience both times. ETA: I just reread your post and somehow missed the not in good health part. If he gets stressed and anxious easily and isn't feeling very well then I would probably try to find someone to go with him. I drove from Texas to VA by myself (24 hours) -twice- when I was 20. So, if his health is good enough, it's probably all right. Given his health concerns, however, I'd ride with him if you can. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted July 5, 2010 Author Share Posted July 5, 2010 We're back! I drove with him to Wisconsin last weekend and then flew home. This past Saturday I flew up to Wisconsin (it took three short flights to get there), stepped out of the plane, and immediately started driving back to Virginia. We stopped in Indiana for the night and arrived home yesterday about dinnertime. I'm so very glad I made the trip with him. He was exhausted, especially after his week of intense work, and slept for much of the ride home. He normally is very keen to drive, especially on long stretches of highway. Clearly he's terribly run-down. Thanks, everyone, for your thoughts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cat in black Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) When we lived in northern VA and our daughter was going to Baylor University in Texas, she did the 26 hour drive twice a year. She was alone and went through lots of big cities. She stayed in motels and did the trip in 2 days. We kept her car in tip top shape and sent her off with lots of prayers. Letting go is the hardest thing to do, isn't it? But it gets so much easier after that first time. My husband and I set a goal for each of our children--independence by age 18. And we patted ourselves on the back as we watched them step out to take their places in the world. I'm not talking about financial independence, we put them all through college. I mean being able to live on their own, make major decisions, and do things like drive across the country alone. This will be a real growing experience for your son and a real gut-wrencher for you. But you can both do it :-) I hope the health issues are resolved soon. That is also something we all learn to handle on our own. Unfortunately. *sigh* Obviously, I wrote this before I read the replies. I'm so glad it all went well and you got peace of mind as well as a little adventure. :-) Edited July 5, 2010 by cat in black impulsive reply before doing my homework :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 Dh and I both did this kind of thing quite a bit in college. It was the norm back then. But, your son's health does concern me. If he was in good health, I'd say yes. It sounds like he may need someone with him just in case he gets weak and needs to pull off. Would the employer consider sending another male employee along? I don't know how much driving he has to do in a day but there are laws about how many hours an employer can force an employee to drive in one day and how often the breaks must be. I think it is 11 hours total driving for some trucking firms but I am sure if varies from state to state. At any rate, I'd explore trying to have someone go with him just because of his health. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 I'm glad you're all safe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 We have a decision to make, and soon. Our 19-year-old has to drive halfway across the country this weekend and then back again the following weekend. This is a necessary part of a job he has been offered. The pay is generous, the experience is wonderful, and the company seems to be reputable. He will be using our van, which is in perfect condition (just serviced yesterday) and has airbags on every side. There is GPS built into the van. He will have his iPhone with him all the time. We can make reservations for him at good hotels that offer security. He is levelheaded and wants to do the right thing. However, he has not been in great health -- he lost a lot of weight this year and is still extremely weak. He gets anxious and stressed easily. (We think the weight loss was due to anxiety, but recently someone mentioned celiac disease, so I'm going to have him evaluated for that.) He'll be driving through a number of large cities and through some mountainous areas. My husband and I have discussed my driving with him most of the way, then stopping at an airport near where he'll be working and coming home. I could fly out again the following weekend to drive back with him. Or, I could just make one of the trips (probably the trip coming home, since it will be longer for several reasons) and let him drive completely alone one way. There are no other options. He must make this trip to do the job. I can't stay up there with him the whole week. He wants the job, he knows he'll do well at it, and really the only question is whether he should drive completely alone or not. Yes, I'd let my kid do it. If you absolutely feel you should accompany him, going with him on the way out would help with things he was unfamiliar with. A lot of cross-country driving is pretty easy because you're on large highways the whole time. You could ask here ahead of time how to navigate any large cities he might be going through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 The big concern we had was that at 20, he is probably not allowed to check into most hotels to sleep. What?? Why in the world would an adult not be "allowed" to check into a hotel? :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 We have a decision to make Mmmm.... I'd say that your adult son has a decision to make. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 Hi Rebecca! Sounds like you all made the right decision. I hope he can get his diet figured out and get better soon! I recall hearing Elisabeth Hasselbeck, that gal that is on The View that also played Survivor one year, say that she actually ended up feeling BETTER than she ever had while playing Survivor because she was forced to eliminate the things from her diet that were making her sick because she just didn't have access to them. So, while everyone else was feeling sicker and weaker, SHE was getting better! LOL! She came home and discovered she has Celiac's Disease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 We have a decision to make, and soon. Our 19-year-old has to drive halfway across the country this weekend and then back again the following weekend. This is a necessary part of a job he has been offered. The pay is generous, the experience is wonderful, and the company seems to be reputable. He will be using our van, which is in perfect condition (just serviced yesterday) and has airbags on every side. There is GPS built into the van. He will have his iPhone with him all the time. We can make reservations for him at good hotels that offer security. He is levelheaded and wants to do the right thing. However, he has not been in great health -- he lost a lot of weight this year and is still extremely weak. He gets anxious and stressed easily. (We think the weight loss was due to anxiety, but recently someone mentioned celiac disease, so I'm going to have him evaluated for that.) He'll be driving through a number of large cities and through some mountainous areas. My husband and I have discussed my driving with him most of the way, then stopping at an airport near where he'll be working and coming home. I could fly out again the following weekend to drive back with him. Or, I could just make one of the trips (probably the trip coming home, since it will be longer for several reasons) and let him drive completely alone one way. There are no other options. He must make this trip to do the job. I can't stay up there with him the whole week. He wants the job, he knows he'll do well at it, and really the only question is whether he should drive completely alone or not. Rebecca, With everything here, I think your option above is the better one. An 8 hour drive, yes. Not 20 hours with what you stated above. While it's true he's 19 and we think that a "legal" age person has the right...he does, but it's beyond that. Has he ever driven 20 hours solo? I think it would be in everyone's best interest to go with the above option you stated. It may work for him, but I wouldn't be able to take that risk. HTH. Either way...pray! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 Can you afford to send him with a reliable buddy and then fly the buddy back? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted July 5, 2010 Author Share Posted July 5, 2010 I understand that he's over 18. However, he has been quite ill and is very thin and weak. In spite of that, he's managed to carry a full load at a demanding college, be interviewed by Business Week and Fox News this year, and work many hours a week as a videographer and web designer. The job that he has just done involves designing a website (with embedded videos, which he filmed on location), and he will earn a great deal of money for it. We're not trying to baby him; we're just trying to protect someone who has worked beyond his strength. The trip(s) have already happened (see my post on page three), and everything went well. Thanks again, everyone, for your comments and support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 Glad it went well. I hope his health starts to get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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