Ds18 did not get in to college. cc

[Chris in VA]

Radford said NO.

It's rather heartbreaking.

 

He is thinking now of going to the local community college. It feels like a change in identity for him. He always thought of himself as so smart, a member of the top of the class/gifted "elite" who just happened to screw up royally.

 

It's tough to see these kind of consequences.

 

I did pray that he not get in if God had something better for him, but laid my heart out to the Lord and asked that he be able to go if it would be possible.

 

I did my crying before I got home, and when I saw him (I had been babysitting all day but dh told me of his unacceptance) I wanted to hug him, but he was all hard and stoney, so I just patted his shoulder and told him I was sorry he didn't get in.

 

They didn't really give us any info about why they didn't take him (he was waitlisted, not turned down point blank, until today's letter came), so I suggested he call soon and just ask how he could make his application stronger.

 

I'm hurting for him. And a little worried.

[Starr]

:grouphug: I'm saying a prayer for your son. I hope he can move on to something else fairly quickly.

[OrganicAnn]

Is that the only college he applied to?

 

Colleges love when people are really committed to them and continue to re-apply. If he goes to CC and does well, he could still re-apply to Radford again for next year. Sometimes when you have to struggle to achieve something, it makes you appreciate it more.

[Chris in VA]

Yes, he only applied there. He could have applied to Longwood, too, but he missed the deadline, and they said on the phone that, given his circumstances, he'd probably be told to go to one year of CC, anyway.

 

I think I'm most nervous about him moving out and going to cc, or not moving out and continuing to live here but chafing under the rules.

 

It's just been so hard. I am just wishing for normalcy, I think--you know, your kid goes to school (or does school at home, whatever), gets into college, does well, comes home on breaks, etc.

 

Things have been out of whack for so long.

 

But you are absolutely right, O-Ann--maybe he will want it more now. It just seems struggle defeats him instead of empowering/encouraging him--there's not much weird about that! it's just hard to watch him give up, and I hope he doesn't.

[elegantlion]

:grouphug: I'm sorry. I hold hope that he is able to rise and turn these circumstances into something great.

[OrganicAnn]

I hear ya on the feeling defeated. I attended a speaker who gave me something to think about. He said we should be telling our kids when appropriate "You are not good enough to do X, yet. But you can be if you try." The 'yet' is the key word.

[Remudamom]

That's too bad. Our oldest dd started college at 16, and we wouldn't let her go away at that age. She's going to do two years at the local juco, live at home and move on to her college of choice when she's 18. Jucos aren't all bad. I get to keep dd for two more years and it's cheaper. And btw, she's smart as a whip. She made a 4.0 this semester, and one of her courses was biology. She did not get that from me.

[MorganClassicalPrep]

He is thinking now of going to the local community college. It feels like a change in identity for him. He always thought of himself as so smart, a member of the top of the class/gifted "elite" who just happened to screw up royally.

 

Let me just say... I was in all the honors classes in school, GT programs, etc. IQ tested in the high 150s. I ended up at community college after screwing up... royally! I'm now at a university and some of the smartest people I've met in my years through school were back at the community college.

 

Community college can be a great stepping stone, and a chance for him to prove that he is ready to take on the responsibility of higher education. I hope things work out for him. If Radford is his first choice, I hope he makes top marks at CC and will reapply in a year.

[lisabees]

:grouphug: Sorry Chris. Hoping this clears the path for your ds in some other wonderful way.

[unsinkable]

:grouphug:

 

You all have my prayers!

[....]

I went through the grad school application process, so I kinda understand the situation. You've really got to apply to more than one school. I think they told me 3-5 schools. So, you have your "long shot" school, which is the really great school you don't think you'll get into, some good, average schools and then you have your "fallback school", which is the one you know you'll get into. My professor said that when she was applying for college, she was rejected from her "fallback school" and accepted into her "long shot school". :lol:

 

I'm just saying, your son's fallback school might be a Community College. Oh, and C. Colleges are nothing to sneeze at. I made fun of them once and my professor (the same lady) spent several minutes telling me how competitive they were for faculty to land a position in one.

 

Another thing...if your son needs to spend a year in limbo, colleges want to see something interesting that he's done...one of my friends got himself paramedic-certified...my sister did a ton of volunteer psych studies at school...one of my friends went to India, etc, etc... You get the idea.

 

Good luck to your son!! He'll get into a school!!

[Renee in NC]

That is my oldest ds's nightmare. His GPA is lower and his test scores aren't stellar. He was supposed to take some classes this summer to bring up his GPA, but the contact person in his school had the deadlines wrong and he wasn't able to get any classes.

 

To him, having to go to cc is a sign that he failed.:confused: It makes me so sad for him. He is applying to 6-8 schools, though, so maybe he will get in somewhere.

 

:grouphug: to your ds.

[Chris in VA]

I went through the grad school application process, so I kinda understand the situation. You've really got to apply to more than one school. I think they told me 3-5 schools. So, you have your "long shot" school, which is the really great school you don't think you'll get into, some good, average schools and then you have your "fallback school", which is the one you know you'll get into.

 

Yes, ITA. The problem was, his GPA was shot early in the game, so really Radford was the only school (maybe Longwood, too) that he could even meet the GPA requirements for. He didn't have any volunteer hours, and only one year of a sport--when you spend 2 years of your high school in rehab, and another year abusing drugs and alcohol, you don't get a lot to put on a transcript. That was the result of his choices, and boy, it's a hard lesson to learn. So, while he got straight A's last year, they were A's from an alternative school, and this year's grades, while good, are only one year's worth. Radford probably wants consistency, which is something it takes time to build.

 

I have to confess I am feeling something odd, too--I guess it's anger. I'm angry at all the kids who ARE getting drunk on the weekends, DO smoke pot, and somehow maintain decent enough grades and are getting into college, where they will continue to party and do all the things my son has done, but they won't feel the consequences--never had to go to rehab, spend time away at JDC (even tho they did things worthy of arrest, like possession), etc. Their parents turn a blind eye, cover for them, pay their tickets and pat them on the head with a "Kids will be kids" and all that crap--you'd think that they WILL be affected, but they probably won't. Think of how many of us drank heavily on the weekends in college, or whatever--and went on to be perfectly able to get a job and have a life.

Addiction absolutely sucks. It's such a thieving bithc.

 

Rant over.

[Mommyfaithe]

That is my oldest ds's nightmare. His GPA is lower and his test scores aren't stellar. He was supposed to take some classes this summer to bring up his GPA, but the contact person in his school had the deadlines wrong and he wasn't able to get any classes.

 

To him, having to go to cc is a sign that he failed.:confused: It makes me so sad for him. He is applying to 6-8 schools, though, so maybe he will get in somewhere.

 

:grouphug: to your ds.

 

OY!!! CC is NOT a FAILURE!!! Not fighting to move on is a FAILURE! CC is a great place where it is cheap enough to discover what you really want to do...get those 100 level classes finished for a 10th of the price, get greatr grades to prove what you are made of. My dd is taking classes at a CC this summer to supplement her full time college and paying 1200 instead of 36,000 for another year! She says the CC classes were as difficult (she was there for 2 years and graduated with a 3.9 GPA) were every bit as rigorous if not MORE rigorous, had small classes, interested and interesting professors who cared about YOU and gave her the freedom to live at home, work and save money. OH...BOTH of my dd's received HUGE transfer packages...almost full rides TO their college of choice!

 

PLEASE...do NOT give your children the idea that CC is failure. CC is another path to the desired end...and sometimes a MUCH BETTER one...especially when we are talking about debt!

 

Faithe (who is totally sick of hearing that CC is failure.....quitting, not perserving, is failing.)

[....]

Yes, ITA. The problem was, his GPA was shot early in the game, so really Radford was the only school (maybe Longwood, too) that he could even meet the GPA requirements for. He didn't have any volunteer hours, and only one year of a sport--when you spend 2 years of your high school in rehab, and another year abusing drugs and alcohol, you don't get a lot to put on a transcript. That was the result of his choices, and boy, it's a hard lesson to learn. So, while he got straight A's last year, they were A's from an alternative school, and this year's grades, while good, are only one year's worth. Radford probably wants consistency, which is something it takes time to build.

 

.

 

OK, I didn't know the history. Tell him Community College is NOT a sign of failure (tell him starrbuck12 on the internet said this :D). One of my sisters went to CC and ended up graduating from Vanderbilt University School of Law. I think CC atmosphere is a lot more laid-back than a university also. He might do better in a college environment that is smaller and more relaxed.

 

Heck, show him the article on college debt...:lol:

[FO4UR]

Yes, ITA. The problem was, his GPA was shot early in the game, so really Radford was the only school (maybe Longwood, too) that he could even meet the GPA requirements for. He didn't have any volunteer hours, and only one year of a sport--when you spend 2 years of your high school in rehab, and another year abusing drugs and alcohol, you don't get a lot to put on a transcript. That was the result of his choices, and boy, it's a hard lesson to learn. So, while he got straight A's last year, they were A's from an alternative school, and this year's grades, while good, are only one year's worth. Radford probably wants consistency, which is something it takes time to build.

 

I have to confess I am feeling something odd, too--I guess it's anger. I'm angry at all the kids who ARE getting drunk on the weekends, DO smoke pot, and somehow maintain decent enough grades and are getting into college, where they will continue to party and do all the things my son has done, but they won't feel the consequences--never had to go to rehab, spend time away at JDC (even tho they did things worthy of arrest, like possession), etc. Their parents turn a blind eye, cover for them, pay their tickets and pat them on the head with a "Kids will be kids" and all that crap--you'd think that they WILL be affected, but they probably won't. Think of how many of us drank heavily on the weekends in college, or whatever--and went on to be perfectly able to get a job and have a life.

Addiction absolutely sucks. It's such a thieving bithc.

 

Rant over.

 

:grouphug: These kinds of things always bring consequences! ALWAYS!!! Better to deal with the consequences earlier in life than later. imHo. This isn't the end of his hopes for the future.

[Chris in VA]

I agree with you Mommyfaithe. It's just that ds SEES it as a failure, when many of the friends he admires and respects are off to live in a dorm, have the freshman experience, launch proudly from home, etc. The practical, $ bennies and fact that the classes are comparable to Univ classes and other "good things" about CC are flying right over his head. We can tell him over and over that we are still proud of him, still love him, still see him as capable, but he has to find that within himself--this is a kid who is healing from a lot of damage, and this step is really a step in the healing process.

 

He did NOT want to talk about Radford on the way to school this morning. I have to respect that, give him space, and then be prepared to listen to what he wants to do now.

 

Thanks for listening, everyone.

[Renee in NC]

Faithr, I don't think cc is a failure. My ds sees it from the perspective of his school - the only kids who go to cc out of his school are those who don't get in anywhere else. That's just the reality of what he sees, and he is sick about it. His 9th/10th grade grades have hurt him somewhat, but he will have a 2.4 or so and his SAT scores are over 500 both reading and math. He's played varsity basketball since 8th grade, he runs cross country, and he has had some other volunteer/extracurricular activities. He has interesting things to talk about in his essay as well.

 

He does need to pick it judiciously if he goes that route because the one closest to his Dad's home is a ridiculous waste of time. I went to a cc and my dh went to a cc and neither were even close to what a 4 year college is. There's no "rigor" at either of those cc and both are the two closest to him. It would actually be very difficult for him to transfer and be successful. His stepbrother has been to the cc this year (after not getting into the school he qualified for.) It has been easier than high school for him.

 

Not all cc are created equal and that is why some people are not excited about cc. Many more students go to cc here on purpose, rather than by default.

[JFSinIL]

I have to confess I am feeling something odd, too--I guess it's anger. I'm angry at all the kids who ARE getting drunk on the weekends, DO smoke pot, and somehow maintain decent enough grades and are getting into college, where they will continue to party and do all the things my son has done, but they won't feel the consequences--never had to go to rehab, spend time away at JDC (even tho they did things worthy of arrest, like possession), etc. Their parents turn a blind eye, cover for them, pay their tickets and pat them on the head with a "Kids will be kids" and all that crap--you'd think that they WILL be affected, but they probably won't. Think of how many of us drank heavily on the weekends in college, or whatever--and went on to be perfectly able to get a job and have a life.

Addiction absolutely sucks. It's such a thieving bithc.

 

Rant over.

 

Do not waste one more moment even thinking about those other kids. They are not your problem (and most of them will be negatively affected, at some point in their lives, by what they do now.) Your son has taken steps to move his life in a positive direction - that already shows strength of character. A solid successful year (or two) of community college will prove his worth to Radford or any other school to which he applies in a year or so. And, hey - being waitlisted means R. had their eye on him! He was NOT told "No" right off the bat - as were other kids! That means he is, as far as Radford is concerned, on the right track! By all means have HIM contact the school and ask them what they want to see from a year or so in cc to improve his chances of acceptance at Radford as a transfer student.

 

I, too, had to attend community college, being a low C high school student (despite good brains - I was a depressed silent movie loving bookworm nerd freak and HATED school! )... the stellar grades I earned at community college got me into a four-year liberal arts college, then University of California - LA, then Northwestern (the last two for grad. school - NU full tuition scholarship.) Starting out at community college is not the end of the world!!!

 

PS - there are many local kids, very bright, high GPA, attending our local CC next fall as it is just too costly to do anything else! Since many of the teachers are moonlighting from nearby colleges/universities, the caliber of instruction is very good!

Edited June 2, 2010 by JFSinIL

[hsmamainva]

This happened to my oldest!

 

We live in Virginia, too, and she fell in love with James Madison University. It was the only school she applied to. They received over 20,000 applications... for 3500 spots. She was waitlisted.

 

She went to the community college ... and loved it! She's made a ton of friends, she's had some cool classes, and some really neat professors. AND she's been able to stay home for a few more years. She has 2 semesters left until graduation. Once she has her AA degree, she has guaranteed admission at most Virginia colleges (assuming she meets their GPA requirement, etc.).

 

And she's now decided to go to Radford instead of James Madison, because they have a forensics minor and she hopes to get into that field. She would have majored in something completely different, had she gone straight to college last year. Taking all those 'gen ed' classes really helped her to narrow down her career path.

 

Have him go to the community college and check it out. The one my daughter attends has clubs galore, sports teams, and a student lounge where the kids hang out in between classes.

 

Hope this helps!

[Wendy Inman]

I had my heart so set on going to William & Mary it wasn't funny. Yes i applied to 2 other colleges (and got in to those) but i was wait listed for W&M. I was so devastated... i kinda gave up the dream of the prestigious school and just settled for the local university. (ODU).

 

Because I stayed at home and went to ODU.... i met a best girl friend, i met my husband, had a career, i got married, had a child.. decided to homeschool.. and have a fantastic life.

 

I often wonder how different my life would have been had I gotten into W&M. At the time it had seemed like the end of the world. It's little comfort now... but maybe there just is a different path waiting for him :)

[J-rap]

***

Edited February 18, 2023 by J-rap

[Dmmetler]

The problem with Radford is that it's a safety school for just about everyone applying to William and Mary, Virginia Tech, and UVA-so it gets a TON of applications from technically overqualified students, plus the kids for whom it's their target school. The result is that there are thousands of applications for only a few spots, and that pushes it from a less competitive school to being very, very hard to get in. VA has good colleges once you're in-it's the getting in that's tough.

 

I do have one question-did your son use his experiences as part of his essay? This is the sort of profile that, if the student presents it well, writes about it in detail, and explains how it has been a learning experience for him can be turned into enough of an asset to at least partially negate the history.

[elegantlion]

I have to confess I am feeling something odd, too--I guess it's anger. I'm angry at all the kids who ARE getting drunk on the weekends, DO smoke pot, and somehow maintain decent enough grades and are getting into college, where they will continue to party and do all the things my son has done, but they won't feel the consequences--never had to go to rehab, spend time away at JDC (even tho they did things worthy of arrest, like possession), etc. Their parents turn a blind eye, cover for them, pay their tickets and pat them on the head with a "Kids will be kids" and all that crap--you'd think that they WILL be affected, but they probably won't. Think of how many of us drank heavily on the weekends in college, or whatever--and went on to be perfectly able to get a job and have a life.

Addiction absolutely sucks. It's such a thieving bithc.

 

Rant over.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm sure he's learning about giving himself a second chance and I'm sure that is what you want for him. It is anger worthy when someone doesn't see that in your ds.

 

Life will come back and bite some of those kids, some will continue to slide by unaffected by circumstances. It falls into the life isn't fair category and it sucks.

 

Addiction can be this baggage you have to carry around and show everyone and it clouds the real you, the strong person you can become while dealing with the fallout. Unfortunately some people only see the baggage and forget there is a real person, one that is probably worthy of knowing, on the other side of the addiction.

 

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and him.

[Kissy]

I applied to Radford. I had royally screwed up. I used my mess up to write a wonderful essay about what happened and how it had changed me for the better. That essay won me a spot at Radford at a time when I had already been told it probably wouldn't happen. Of course I got scared to go away to school, chickened out, and went to community college instead. I think if he didn't write his experiences on his essay he should try that. My royal screw up was big and caused a dive in my grades but as big as it was it changed me into a more driven and responsible person.

[Beth in OH]

It feels like a change in identity for him. He always thought of himself as so smart, a member of the top of the class/gifted "elite" who just happened to screw up royally.

 

:grouphug: to you and your ds. This paradigm shift is so painful--both for child and parent. I've gone throught it with two dd's, albeit each had her own set of facts surrounding it. Even though other options, such as cc, may look fine to outsiders, it's what is going on inside the head of a young person that matters.

 

I did pray that he not get in if God had something better for him, but laid my heart out to the Lord and asked that he be able to go if it would be possible.

 

Chris--I have lived this. I understand the anxiety that results when you have to watch a kid who gets defeated easily struggle with a setback. Especially when setbacks sometimes cause destructive patterns. Remember that God is holding him in His hand--even through this setback. For whatever reason and however it plays out, this trial is part of ds's story. Keep praying, just like you have been. Keep walking it out, minute by minute.

 

I want to encourage you in all of this. It has been 2 years since I went through this with my oldest. The first year out of high school--apartment with friends and cc--was pretty dicey. This past year, though, there has been a lot of healing. Dd has grown and healed emotionally, and many family relationships have been restored. Dd's 2nd year of cc went much better than the first :glare:, and she is transferring to your alma mater in the fall :D. Nevertheless, the path with this particular child still isn't the normal "go away to college, get good grades, get a job" kind of path. We are still doing as much parenting as dd will tolerate, and it will take her more than 4 years to get through college :tongue_smilie:. Nothing that dh or I have done has caused this growth. I believe it is an answer to daily prayer.

 

 

I'm hurting for him. And a little worried.

 

You know the drill: PRAY, study, PRAY, meditate, PRAY, take a walk......

 

I'll be lifting you and yours in prayer.

 

Beth

[Chris in VA]

Thanks Beth. Yeah, I know the drill. LOL

 

This paradigm shift is so painful--both for child and parent. I've gone throught it with two dd's, albeit each had her own set of facts surrounding it. Even though other options, such as cc, may look fine to outsiders, it's what is going on inside the head of a young person that matters.

 

Yes, that's it. Exactly.

 

The problem with Radford is that it's a safety school for just about everyone applying to William and Mary, Virginia Tech, and UVA-so it gets a TON of applications from technically overqualified students, plus the kids for whom it's their target school. The result is that there are thousands of applications for only a few spots, and that pushes it from a less competitive school to being very, very hard to get in.

 

Very true. A super point.

 

I do have one question-did your son use his experiences as part of his essay?

 

Yes, he wrote about it and his English teacher vetted the essay. She made it an assignment for every student to fill out the common app, and he used it for Radford. Funny, tho--just found out she didn't know he wanted to go to college ???. Don't know how she could have missed it.

 

All of you are so very supportive. I know I've come here a ton with stories of my life and my needs; you are gracious to offer such honest support.

[Mama Geek]

I graduated from Clemson University in 1998. I transferred in after 3 semesters at community college. After talking to some friends who have children trying to get into Clemson directly out of high school, I have a fairly good understanding of how competitive it is to get in right after graduating high school. One of the things they must do is declare the right major (not engineering and not business). The day you start at the college you can change your major to either of these. Both of those majors are competitive to get into.

 

Also 1 semester at a community college with decent grades makes it much easier to get into most colleges. There is not nearly as much competition to come in as a second semester freshman or as a sophomore. On thing to confirm with the college that you want to transfer into is to make sure that the classes you take at the community college will transfer into the major at the college you are wanting to go to.

 

Don't look at this like it is a failure. It is a whole lot more of understanding how to play the game. I wish you and your son the best and don't give up on getting into Radford in the spring.

[Chris in VA]

Thanks, Mama Geek! We were advised by a close ff to do this, too--I'm just hoping I can stand to have him live here that long.

[Sue G in PA]

:grouphug: Chris, know that I am praying for you and for your ds. It's so hard when things don't work out as planned or hoped, isn't it? And, it is equally as difficult believing that God is still at work and wants only the BEST for us and for our dc when what we think is the "best" doesn't pan out. I'm trusting and believing that God will soon reveal to you both His perfect plan for your ds and will give you peace in the meantime.

[Impish]

Praying for you both. God has a plan, even though we can't always (rarely even) see what it is. :grouphug: