Socialization....sick of hearing about this

[kwickimom]

OK...since we officially decided to start homeschooling all I hear about is "are your kids going to be well socialized?"

 

Well I do not plan on keeping them locked in the house 24/7 and my DD7 already has friends so she will be fine. My DD4 is pretty shy and quiet, so even if I sent him to ps he wouldnt easily make friends for himself. I am 0trying to find a HS group, but there are none near me (closest is 4o mins away) PLUS there are MANY children at school that I do not want them to socialize with.

 

I have read some articles about this and I know that my kids will be fine. but what do you say to people when they ask that? I mean I simply say "yes they will be fine thanks for worrying" but for people like my parents, they want a deeper answer. Someone said that since they won't be dealing with "all different kinds of kids" that my children wont know how to deal with "real life" when it hits.

 

In my heart, I am not worried, but I am kind of interested in all your experiences/answers. I knew I was going to have to deal with all this stuff at some point. SIGH

[Jean in Newcastle]

Your stock answer sounds wonderful.

 

For parents or other family you might want to go deeper by telling them that you will be scheduling outside activities. And you might also mention that real life has a habit of finding us no matter where we are. But there may be a time when you have to "pass the bean dip" and move the conversation on because they are starting to cross boundaries.

 

One helpful thing to remember: Be confident (even if you don't feel like it) and up-beat. Most people respond positively if you sound confident. (Conversely, people tend to go in for the kill if you show uncertainty.) So remember those old deodorant commercials and "Don't let them see you sweat!"

[gpsings]

I go for the sarcastic answer and tell them that we go grocery shopping once a month and they are permitted to socialize with the cashier.

But....yeah. I don't care what my in-laws think anyhoo.

[hmschoolmom22]

I go a little snarky on this one and usually say "it's BECAUSE of socialization that I homeschool my children!!"

[stripe]

If it's loving grandparents or other kindly souls who are asking, then I think it's worth discussing with them. I think grandparents like to know, for example, that your child has friends, plays soccer with a group of kids, or whatever. It may be more about understanding than criticizing.

[DawnM]

I heard a speaker once say that his response was, "Walk into any public middle or high school in the country and tell me exactly WHICH socialization practice you think my children should emulate!" :tongue_smilie:

 

Sometimes there really isn't any convincing people. You just smile as they criticize homeschooling and at the same time almost in tears over issues their children are having in school with all that "socialization."

 

Dawn

 

 

I go a little snarky on this one and usually say "it's BECAUSE of socialization that I homeschool my children!!"

[ScoutTN]

We too have the short answer and the long one.

I have been pleasantly surprised at how some people have responded to my long answer, which is really as much questions for them as info from me.

 

I read a book called The Well Adjusted Child by Rachel Gathercole (2007), all about hs kids and S. Though her research is dated now, some of her insights and conclusions are excellent. She admits that her negative preconceived ideas about hs were not based on any actual observations or facts and she points out that a gentle challenge about where the "concern" or the question comes from can be very helpful. Get the asker to define his concern more specifically.

 

She has a great list of the questions behind the S question:

Is he cool?

Does she spend a lot of time with peers?

How much is she like a traditionally schooled child?

Does she have any freedom to spend time away from her parents?

Does he like his parents? Feel comfortable being away from them?

Does she have friends? How many? How close?

Does he have run-ins with bullies?

Does she know her "place" (relative to adults)?

Will he be able to function in society?

Will he be exposed to diversity?

Will he be a good citizen?

Will he get to be a kid?

 

She spends time on typical hs strengths like ability to relate well to people of all ages and backgrounds, less peer dependence etc.

 

Help those who ask because they care to understand. Smile at the others, give them the short answer and go on your merry way.

 

:001_smile:

[gpsings]

I go a little snarky on this one and usually say "it's BECAUSE of socialization that I homeschool my children!!"

 

I LIKE that one!

[Ester Maria]

I go a little snarky on this one and usually say "it's BECAUSE of socialization that I homeschool my children!!"

:lol:

 

Socialization is one of my 'favorite' contra-homeschooling arguments. So, if my child is in an artificial age-divided quasi-academic setting for 8 hours a day, he/she is better prepared for "real life society" - the one he/she is taken AWAY from in order to experience an extremely unrealistic substitute for? :D

[mcconnellboys]

I tend to ask people what they mean by "socialization", because I've found that most of them don't have a clue. When they start thinking about it, they realize that what they're saying makes no sense.....

 

Very few people can stand to live in their house 24/7 without going out or seeing others. Most folks live near other people of some sort who they can chat with at least occasionally.

 

Most homeschooled children are actually more socialized, and more realistically socialized, than children who are warehoused with 30 other same-age kids on a daily basis. Most homeschoolers go to outings regularly that include a wide mix of different ages and genders of kids, as well as adults. They can speak with adults as easily as with kids - something many conventionally schooled kids can't seem to do at all......

 

So unless your kids are going to get a job and live in a barracks with 30 other people their same age as adults, all supervised by one or two older people, conventional school provides a model of "socialization" that is completely false and will never be seen again in real life.

 

Do you have neighbors, adult or children, with whom your children interact? Do they go to church and interact with others there? Are they in any clubs, on sports teams, go to summer camps, VBS, summer swim, etc.? Anywhere they go they speak with others at least some times, and/or interact with them in some way. Do they go shopping with you? Do you plan to go to the library with them? on field trips? to the movies? People interact with each other every day any time they encounter each other..... Unless you plan on chaining them in a closet, chances are they are going to continue to interact with others - and in a much more natural, normal way than they would in a classroom setting.....

[LibraryLover]

I know it can be upsetting, but long ago I decided that people who are not familiar with hsing do not realize how common it is, or how easy it can be to meet other hsers. I don't hear it much anymore, as hsing is so common where we are, but if I do hear it, I assume the other person is concerned. If they seem open, I say a breezy, "Oh! There are so many people hsing in our community that sometimes we get too much socialization. There is always some field trip or program going on somewhere for hsers in our area!"

 

Some people mean to be mean, but some people are simply in unfamiliar territory and need a little info. Some people too, think of the Yates family (or other bad hsing news they remember-- and yes everyone knows bad things can happen in schools!) and get a little squciked. I had one person say to me after that, 'Oh, do you ever feel you're going crazy with the kids?". On one hand, I wanted to laugh, otoh, I saw the concern in her eyes. She was an older woman, and had never heard of hsing until the Yates family tragedy.

Edited May 30, 2010 by LibraryLover

[nono]

OK...since we officially decided to start homeschooling all I hear about is "are your kids going to be well socialized?"

 

 

 

My short answer to this: "No."

 

(Realize I'm a bit of a pip.) It is pretty amusing to watch people react to my answer. In the end, though it sounds like a "rough" answer, it usually gets people smiling as they come to their senses. :)

 

I should also add that I've never been asked by anyone in my family...just random people.

[Alphabetika]

I like your stock answer, too. I wonder if there's a nice way that you could say, "Wait and see." Because it's easy to say one thing and plan things to be a certain way, but you never know how things will really go until you start. In the area of "socialization," from my experience and what I hear from others, HSers usually have BETTER experiences than they're expecting, and "outsiders" or skeptics are pleasantly surprised at the results.

[Alphabetika]

My short answer to this: "No."

 

(Realize I'm a bit of a pip.) It is pretty amusing to watch people react to my answer. In the end, though it sounds like a "rough" answer, it usually gets people smiling as they come to their senses. :)

 

I should also add that I've never been asked by anyone in my family...just random people.

 

:iagree: "No," is my short answer to a lot of questions about homeschooling when I sense that the questioner is leading up to being critical or stirring the pot. For instance, an acquaintance whose dh was a high school principal and whose three kids were thriving in p.s. (IOW, their whole family was devoted to the p.s. system), asked me as I began HSing my oldest in 2nd grade: "Are you making sure she's keeping up with where she'd be if she was in p.s.?" I knew she wasn't asking out of casual interest, and I just said, "No." She responded, with what seemed like genuine horror, "You're not planning to raise IDIOTS, are you?" :glare:

 

This may be off topic, but it's interesting to me that people ask HSers, "Are you sure he/she is KEEPING UP with public-schooled peers?" but I doubt anyone ever asks p.s. parents, "Are you sure your kid is keeping up with the homeschoolers?" Why? Because HSers are individuals, as all kids would be if allowed to learn outside the box.

 

Okay, mini-rant over. Thanks for listening.;)

[Mommy22alyns]

Someone said that since they won't be dealing with "all different kinds of kids" that my children wont know how to deal with "real life" when it hits.

 

 

 

THIS drives me nuts. :glare: I think hs'ers are more out and about in the "real world" than they would be if they were in school.

[Alphabetika]

THIS drives me nuts. :glare: I think hs'ers are more out and about in the "real world" than they would be if they were in school.

 

 

ETA - this is a response to the response above, and also the "all different kinds of kids" quote to which the response was, um, responding....

 

Oh, good grief. What do they mean by "different kinds of kids?" Isn't every kid different, so that every relationship you have, even within your own family, is with a "different kind of kid?" The classroom is necessarily a static environment. The kids are with the same students (who are generally of their same age) all day, five days a week. Maybe they encounter kids of a few years older and younger on the playground at recess, but maybe not. By contrast, HSed kids, because we're out in the real world, have chance after chance to encounter a wide variety of people. Many of us plan these encounters; for instance, we go to the farmer's market every week, where my middle child has learned a great deal about how to handle money, choose produce, communicate with people who may or may not speak our language, be independent in a small space, have manners, listen to sweet elderly people who comment on her baby sister, and on and on. But not all encounters are planned, and those can be huge learning experiences, too.

 

Sometimes I think that for kids in school, school has become their real world because they're in it so much, so they learn how to navigate it. HSed kids, on the other hand, learn how to navigate where they spend the most time, which is - in my experience and observation - with a much larger variety of people than is possible in traditional school.

 

I know this isn't true of all HSed kids - YMMV - but to say HSed kids will not learn how to exist in the real world begs the question - what do you mean by the real world? Ask the questioner to define it, and I suspect you will have a ready answer that reflects the richness of the homeschool life.

 

Goodness, I'd better quit reading this thread. I'm getting all sweaty. :lol:

Edited May 30, 2010 by Alphabetika

[Jean in Newcastle]

.

 

Oh, good grief. What do they mean by "different kinds of kids?" Isn't every kid different, so that every relationship you have, even within your own family, is with a "different kind of kid?"

 

What I've seen in blogs, articles and news reports is that the phrase "different kinds of kids" is short-hand for people of a different race than you. They think that if you are not in a forced mixed race setting of a public school that you will never mingle with someone "different from you." I think that is nonsense, but then in our inter-racial house we sort of have it covered!

[Desert Rat]

Someone on the old boards once said (forgive me that I don't remember who!), "Oh, my husband takes care of socializing the children. He comes home for lunch, corners them in the bathroom, takes their lunch money, then gives them a swirlie." This is my stock answer when someone pushes my buttons for too long. :)

Usually, I just say that we take care of it with groups and sports.

[GWOB]

:001_smile: My personal favorite is when people ask about socialization when we are at baseball practice and I am complaining about all the running around I do. Happened last week. Just know the difference between socializing and socialization. Socializing is hanging out with your friends and having fun. Socialization is learning the skills needed to function well in society.

Edited May 30, 2010 by wendilouwho
fat finger syndrome strikes again!

[Alphabetika]

What I've seen in blogs, articles and news reports is that the phrase "different kinds of kids" is short-hand for people of a different race than you. They think that if you are not in a forced mixed race setting of a public school that you will never mingle with someone "different from you." I think that is nonsense, but then in our inter-racial house we sort of have it covered!

 

Hmmmm.....so, are we supposed to treat people of different races differently, such that we need to be exposed to "them" in a socially-engineered way to learn that skill? I thought we were trying to get over that little social prejudice. (Jean, I'm posing this hypothetically to the reporters you mention, not to you, of course!) I know this is a bigger issue than I can address here, and I'm somewhat sympathetic to it, as most of the homeschoolers I've encountered where we live are anglo. Jean, I'd be so interested in your perpective on this, since you have an inter-racial house.

[lovemyboys]

What I've seen in blogs, articles and news reports is that the phrase "different kinds of kids" is short-hand for people of a different race than you. They think that if you are not in a forced mixed race setting of a public school that you will never mingle with someone "different from you." I think that is nonsense, but then in our inter-racial house we sort of have it covered!

 

:lol: So I'm guessing you don't get that particular question. : )

 

 

We've been fortunate that our friends and homeschool friends/groups have always been pretty varied by age, etc. Dh's work environment and our living environments have also been quite varied.

 

What people don't think about when they ask those questions is that if you're raising decent nice children, they'll be fine in a wide variety of situations.

[LND1218]

My response is that I want my kids to be civilized not "socialized."

[Jean in Newcastle]

Hmmmm.....so, are we supposed to treat people of different races differently, such that we need to be exposed to "them" in a socially-engineered way to learn that skill? I thought we were trying to get over that little social prejudice. (Jean, I'm posing this hypothetically to the reporters you mention, not to you, of course!) I know this is a bigger issue than I can address here, and I'm somewhat sympathetic to it, as most of the homeschoolers I've encountered where we live are anglo. Jean, I'd be so interested in your perpective on this, since you have an inter-racial house.

 

I totally agree with you. I'd much rather just focus on people being people regardless of the amount of melanin in their skin or the cultural background they have. It's true that parents who have prejudiced views often pass on those prejudices. But I'm not totally sure that the schools have done such a good job of counteracting that.

 

And not all cities or school districts are equally demographically diverse. Think about it, in some areas of the country, certain demographics are more common. For example, when I went to see my parents in April, I was a bit weirded out because we didn't see one Asian person the entire week! We have a pretty high percentage of Asians here so it really stood out to me. But I would assume in their school district they would have a pretty low percentage of Asians too since that is what the demographics of city seemed to suggest. So, even in the social engineered school districts there can be disparity in race.

 

There was a funny thing that happened though when we were visiting my parents. A lady came up to dh at church (he's Filipino). She asked him, "Where are your people from?" He gave our state name. Then she said, "No, where do you really come from?":glare: I really doubt she was homeschooled. Dh was just shaking his head after that exchange.

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

When asked about socialization my first question back at them is "Are all your friends the same age as you?" Of course the answer is always no, so I go on to explain that true socialization is exposing your children to a variety of ages.

I also recall the whole time I was in school the teachers ALWAYS said, "We are not here to socialize, no talking!"

[SproutMamaK]

I went to public high school in an affluent area. (We weren't affluent, but nearly everyone else was. It's amazing the lens through which you can see the actions of wealthy people in that sort of situation. But I digress.....) It was a FANTASTIC school - one of the best rated high school in the province. It had about 2500 students.

 

Five were of Asian descent. Two were black. Both of the black students were adopted into a white family, and all five of the Asian students were cousins. They were also some of the wealthiest kids in the school.

 

So yes, a good public school exposed me to SO much diversity. :001_huh:

[stripe]

Hmmmm.....so, are we supposed to treat people of different races differently, such that we need to be exposed to "them" in a socially-engineered way to learn that skill? I thought we were trying to get over that little social prejudice. (Jean, I'm posing this hypothetically to the reporters you mention, not to you, of course!) I know this is a bigger issue than I can address here, and I'm somewhat sympathetic to it, as most of the homeschoolers I've encountered where we live are anglo. Jean, I'd be so interested in your perpective on this, since you have an inter-racial house.

Actually, I think the idea is that we should be used to seeing and interacting with people who are different from us, not that there is some special way of dealing with people of different skin colors. The idea that if you've never seen someone else, you may stop and stare at them and make really inappropriate comments (which I see plenty of coming from "regular" people, anyway, no matter where they went to school).

 

I would, however, like to know how important this is to those who actually raise those objections. A fairly high number of adults in this country have friends, attend church services, and only have over for dinner people of the same background (both ethnic and socioeconomic, actually), and in fact, the onus is on non-white people to be able to function in both "cultural" worlds. So if someone is themselves feeling just fine about being racially isolated in an all-white world, then why is it suddenly awful for someone else?

 

For myself, I live in a "mixed" family, and my own neighborhood is extremely integrated, not to mention my town, so I don't see a problem for my own kids. My kids regularly play with a range of children (in age, ability levels, immigration status, political view points, religions, and skin colors), and we know exactly zero people with our own particular "mix," so it doesn't worry me too much. I would love for someone to dare to say it to me, though. It would really make for an entertaining exchange.

[rfhsmom]

:lol:

Someone on the old boards once said (forgive me that I don't remember who!), "Oh, my husband takes care of socializing the children. He comes home for lunch, corners them in the bathroom, takes their lunch money, then gives them a swirlie." This is my stock answer when someone pushes my buttons for too long. :)

Usually, I just say that we take care of it with groups and sports.

 

:iagree:This is just hilarious!!!

 

Once another baseball mom pressed me about socialization by saying "well your boys certainly seem to be okay in social settings" in a snarky voice. So, I proceeded to say "not to bad for kids who are locked in the dark cellar alone all day, huh?" I am pretty sure I was pretty sarcastic sounding and it really ended the conversation.

[rfhsmom]

My DH is black. I am white. Our children are both. We are all HUMAN!!!! I hate that we have this whole issue still and IMHO I believe that all of the "unsocialized";) homeschoolers we have come in contact with are far more accepting of differences in others than the typical ps kids. Just a thought!

[Carrie12345]

I love when people try to use the "variety of people" line. Yes, our local public school is very diverse - in culture, economics, and race. But where, exactly, do they think my kids are hanging out? They're hanging out with homeschoolers AND public schoolers AND adults AND small children IN OUR COMMUNITY - the community that makes up our diverse public school. We're not spending every day traveling to some mysterious little town of same-color, economically equal kids with identical IQs, religions, and family dynamics.

 

FWIW, I attended K-12 in a rather isolated suburb. There was some economic diversity, but that was about it. 99.9% of us were little white bread clones. I actually think I turned out okay, even though "diversity" was extremely rare in my life.

My kids experience WAY more diversity. Whether it's better or not, I don't really know or even care much. But it's cool to see them having a different experience.

 

And some of the people who make these comments to me are actually teachers in the white bread (now somewhat upper class) area I grew up in, lol.

[stripe]

Aside from the diversity issue, I suppose there could be a concern (especially for people who have just never given it much thought) about where kids are, if they're not in school. There is just so much of a school focus in our culture -- so many kids' books and tv shows about school, so many references to school, and so on. I take my kids out during the day, and the whole neighborhood is QUIET because everyone is at work or school. So we don't even encounter other kids (except those under the age of 2) until after 4 pm.

 

I think it's a legitimate topic to discuss with grandparents, for example. That does not mean your life is an open book for the supermarket cashier to poke through. That's why I tried to distinguish between casual interrogation and genuine concern.

[kmacnchs]

This may be off topic, but it's interesting to me that people ask HSers, "Are you sure he/she is KEEPING UP with public-schooled peers?" but I doubt anyone ever asks p.s. parents, "Are you sure your kid is keeping up with the homeschoolers?" Why? Because HSers are individuals, as all kids would be if allowed to learn outside the box.

 

may i just say..."NO STINKIN' KIDDING!!!!!"

[kwickimom]

I love hearing all your thoughts and answers you give out.

 

My main issue is: I do want my kids to socialize, but even in ps I dont want them to do too much of that at school. I feel that with all their recesses, "gym classes", breaks, "fun days" etc.. that they are doing too much socializing and not enough learning. A friend of mine volunteered at ps and said she clocked a total of 1 hour 45 mins the 1st graders spent actually in the classroom learning with their teacher. I know kids need breaks and fun also, but then why shall I send them away for 7 hours where they are interacting with the exact same kids all day?, and learning for 1 hour 45 mins? grrrrrr...

 

One problem people see with me is that I also babysit, so I am unable to leave the house everyday until 4:30 pm, so why not send my kids to school since I cannot go anywhere anyways. Which I will only be sitting this upcoming school year to get us out of debt and the no more sitting after that. I am starting my HS July 1st so we are settled in and a little ahead before the babysitting kids start. One is starting mid August and the other not until October. Anyways, my kids will be able to interact with each other and the babysitting kids, and my DD will still be in Scouts and soccer. Plus she can see her "real" friends after school time as she has her entire life. What annoys me about this is do all PS kids stop "socializing" all summer when they are not in a classroom surrounded by the same people?? That was my answer to the mom that asked me that question. If PS kids can still be "normal" and can socialize through the summer then what is the difference with my HS'ing in the Fall?? And all she said was "summer is a break" GEEZE

 

Its funny how no one questioned me becoming a SAHM and not sending my kids to daycare. No one worried about my kids becoming well socialized then.

[kmacnchs]

What I've seen in blogs, articles and news reports is that the phrase "different kinds of kids" is short-hand for people of a different race than you. They think that if you are not in a forced mixed race setting of a public school that you will never mingle with someone "different from you." I think that is nonsense, but then in our inter-racial house we sort of have it covered!

 

us too :D:lol:

[RamonaQ]

What I've seen in blogs, articles and news reports is that the phrase "different kinds of kids" is short-hand for people of a different race than you. They think that if you are not in a forced mixed race setting of a public school that you will never mingle with someone "different from you." I think that is nonsense, but then in our inter-racial house we sort of have it covered!

 

And interestingly, the research quoted in this article (link below) suggests that just because you are in a mixed race environment, you may indeed NOT socialize with different races.

 

http://www.newsweek.com/2009/09/04/see-baby-discriminate.html

 

One quote:

"Going to integrated schools gives you just as many chances to learn stereotypes as to unlearn them."

[OhM]

I tend to ask people what they mean by "socialization", because I've found that most of them don't have a clue. When they start thinking about it, they realize that what they're saying makes no sense.....

 

 

I always wish I had had the presence of mind to ask this question whenever I come away from a "socialization" conversation with non-homeschoolers!

 

And to directly copy a comment I've made here before - David Guterson turns the "socialization" question on it's ear in his book Family Matters: Why is segregating kids in groups of 20-30 of their peers for years at a time with limited and contrived interaction with other generations a natural way for kids to be "socialized"? It would be entertaining to listen to your questioners try to answer if you turned it back on them!

[Guest janainaz]

Well, the number one prescribed medication in the U.S. is antidepressants. So how are the majority of people really dealing with REAL life? They aren't. Maybe it's because they are all depressed from comparing their lives with other people and looking to the exterior to feel whole and happy. Maybe these people have very poor relationships in their lives as a result of the sick focus society has placed on the exterior.

 

The socialization question always irks me. I can't even waste my time or energy with people who are focused in that direction and I consider it the ignorance of society. These are the very people who are popping pills in order to cope with "real" life and they judge the quality of their existence on image. So I simply tell them that my focus is not on peer socialization, but building good relationships - period.

[Entropymama]

Someone on the old boards once said (forgive me that I don't remember who!), "Oh, my husband takes care of socializing the children. He comes home for lunch, corners them in the bathroom, takes their lunch money, then gives them a swirlie." This is my stock answer when someone pushes my buttons for too long. :)

Usually, I just say that we take care of it with groups and sports.

 

:lol: Oh, I love this!

 

We had a 'socialization' experience just last night at the park. DS6 was playing happily with his 1yo brother when a girl his age approached and asked for a turn. He stepped aside and let her have her turn, after which she turned to him and said, "See, I'm kind of better than you." He just gave her a funny look and went back to playing so she persisted, repeating herself twice. "Did you hear me? I'm better than you." He continued to ignore her so she found another area to play in. I may be wrong in assuming she goes to ps, but we don't have a lot of hser's around here so it's a safe bet. Couldn't help thinking I was glad my kids don't have the social skills she does!

[Guest janainaz]

:lol: Oh, I love this!

 

We had a 'socialization' experience just last night at the park. DS6 was playing happily with his 1yo brother when a girl his age approached and asked for a turn. He stepped aside and let her have her turn, after which she turned to him and said, "See, I'm kind of better than you." He just gave her a funny look and went back to playing so she persisted, repeating herself twice. "Did you hear me? I'm better than you." He continued to ignore her so she found another area to play in. I may be wrong in assuming she goes to ps, but we don't have a lot of hser's around here so it's a safe bet. Couldn't help thinking I was glad my kids don't have the social skills she does!

 

Amen to that.

[Entropymama]

I love hearing all your thoughts and answers you give out.

 

My main issue is: I do want my kids to socialize, but even in ps I dont want them to do too much of that at school. I feel that with all their recesses, "gym classes", breaks, "fun days" etc.. that they are doing too much socializing and not enough learning. A friend of mine volunteered at ps and said she clocked a total of 1 hour 45 mins the 1st graders spent actually in the classroom learning with their teacher. I know kids need breaks and fun also, but then why shall I send them away for 7 hours where they are interacting with the exact same kids all day?, and learning for 1 hour 45 mins? grrrrrr...

 

One problem people see with me is that I also babysit, so I am unable to leave the house everyday until 4:30 pm, so why not send my kids to school since I cannot go anywhere anyways. Which I will only be sitting this upcoming school year to get us out of debt and the no more sitting after that. I am starting my HS July 1st so we are settled in and a little ahead before the babysitting kids start. One is starting mid August and the other not until October. Anyways, my kids will be able to interact with each other and the babysitting kids, and my DD will still be in Scouts and soccer. Plus she can see her "real" friends after school time as she has her entire life. What annoys me about this is do all PS kids stop "socializing" all summer when they are not in a classroom surrounded by the same people?? That was my answer to the mom that asked me that question. If PS kids can still be "normal" and can socialize through the summer then what is the difference with my HS'ing in the Fall?? And all she said was "summer is a break" GEEZE

 

Its funny how no one questioned me becoming a SAHM and not sending my kids to daycare. No one worried about my kids becoming well socialized then.

 

I babysit, and it's been fantastic for my kids learning to socialize. They have friends a few years younger than them because of it, which requires more patience and understanding than the friends who are their age or older. Plus, before 4 all the other kids are in school anyway. We do all our getting together during evenings and weekends.

 

Put them in sports or Sunday school or rec center classes if you want to reassure yourself or someone else. They're going to do great!!

[stripe]

I did have a friend advise me that I needed to arrange "play dates" for my son so he would learn to share. I assured her that my daughter took care of that. I'd think someone touching your stuff 24 hours a day is a bit more demanding than an hour a week...but apparently not.

[mommydearest]

My experience has been that you do have to make more of an effort to provide opportunities for your children to meet and befriend others. I mean, yes, we go to the grocery store and all that and they talk to people, but I want to them to develop healthy friendships with other kids too. It has been harder to form meaningful relationships, since we are no longer in our old private school setting. It's not impossible, but it has required more of an effort on my part.

[cjbeach]

My experience has been that you do have to make more of an effort to provide opportunities for your children to meet and befriend others. I mean, yes, we go to the grocery store and all that and they talk to people, but I want to them to develop healthy friendships with other kids too. It has been harder to form meaningful relationships, since we are no longer in our old private school setting. It's not impossible, but it has required more of an effort on my part.

:iagree:I think friendships are important and this year we did not have a lot of opportunity to develop many because we were SO tied to the house. I met a couple recently with 2 HS'd children. While we were discussing HSing I asked if their 10yo dd was having a hard time re: not enough girlfriends (my daughter is/was...so I asked). They told me flatout NO and kind of got their backs up (irked me btw because I was relaying what I was going through with my dd). Flashforward 2 weeks and this child was over my house everyday begging me to allow her to eat over, stay over, etc... The neighbor next to me said the little girl was she like that with her as well...and she has NO children. The little girl was desperate for friends, outside socialization, etc... The parents homeschooled and she was in NO acitivities, co-ops, Sunday schools, anything. Literally anything. She had 2 sibs but they were MUCH younger than she.

I felt bad. It was sad.

But it was a good learning experience for ME, as a homeschool parent of another "Social Sally" child. It reconfirmed everything I thought I was beginning to happen with my own dd and scared me.

As much as I would like to believe the kids only need their family I learned through this little girl that children desire friendships. Well, not all, my son could quite frankly care less, but as an Aspie kid socialization is an issue. I will make more effort this year to allow friendships to happen and to prevent what had happened with this little girl. I was sad for her, she was ... hmm... what's the right word? Desperate. Lonely. Bored to tears. I don't know. But she had no socialization outside of her family and *this*child CRAVED to be with children of her own age. My kid is the same way.

Edited May 30, 2010 by cjbeach

[stripe]

It is important not to deny our children friendship just to "disprove" the socialization concerns.

[girligirlmom]

After a recent Tiger Den meeting (Cub Scouts), where dh and I are co-leaders, one of the moms asked me a question and I reminded her that I wouldn't know since we homeschool. She then said, "What About Socialization?" :001_huh:

 

I couldn't help it but I started laughing. :lol: I said, "What do you mean?"

My son is running around playing with your son. I had just mentioned that we had come from homeschool choir. I said, "I'm pretty tired of all the socializing we do."

 

If she meant socializing, that's what we were doing right then and there.

 

If she meant socialization, then Cub Scouts is a good way to indoctrinate children to honor the country, the flag, the leaders, etc. We say the pledge of allegiance every week and we talk about proper behavior while we have fun learning new things.

 

What she really meant was that she did not want to homeschool her children or didn't think she could or didn't think she would have the patience to do it based on what she said next. It really wasn't about my children but hers.