Dippiness and fault

[Laura Corin]

Hobbes is dippy. He forgets things, has his mind elsewhere. He's bright and can concentrate. But he's dippy. He's lost his winter coat - I didn't notice that it was missing. Presumably it got left at some activity and has now been cleared away/donated. Usually I watch out for what he takes to activities and what he brings home, so I haven't berated him about the loss.

 

Then this week he took the Lovefilm (like Netflix, I think) disk to the post box to post. He's done it many times before. This time he just picked up the disk in its plastic sleeve and put it in the box, without putting it in the prepaid envelope first. So there was no address and no postage. I'm going to call the post office, but I'm assuming that it is lost and I'll have to pay for the disk.

 

I'm very cross and I've (briefly) given Hobbes a hard time about it. But it was an honest mistake. He tries to be good. He's just dippy.

 

I don't really know if I want advice or just to vent. We are a no-corporal-punishment/low-punishment-of-any-kind family. I don't know whether to make him pay something for the disk or just give him a talking to and continue to watch him grow (slightly) more responsible each year.

 

Laura

[Renee in NC]

I would get him to pay for the disk. It isn't punishment, but rather the natural consequences of his actions. Would his winter coat still have fit him next year? If so, he should pay to replace it as well (a used one perhaps?)

[Laura Corin]

I would get him to pay for the disk. It isn't punishment, but rather the natural consequences of his actions. Would his winter coat still have fit him next year? If so, he should pay to replace it as well (a used one perhaps?)

 

However, when I lose something - I lose my mobile phone about every three years - and need to buy a new one, the purchase of a cheap phone has no impact on my ability to buy other things. If he has to pay for a disk and a coat it might take absolutely all his money for many months.

 

Laura

[Guest CarolineUK]

My DS10, who goes to school, is likewise very dippy - his teacher has taken to inserting "I forgot my ..." in between his christian name and surname when speaking to him sometimes (which DS thinks is funny, thankfully). The school he goes to puts great emphasis on personal responsibility - they're not allowed to say "Mum forgot to pack my maths book", even at quite a young age. I think this is more idealistic than realistic, but does at least establish an expectation that as they get older they've got to be a bit more independent.

 

Also, as he has three younger brothers I rather need him to be a bit more independent and not rely on me for everything. We're not into 'punishment' either, but I do think children need to be aware of the consequences of their actions, and I would probably ask for a contribution towards the cost of the disc - I know it would definitely reinforce the message that he needs to pay a bit more attention about what he's doing sometimes!

[gandpsmommy]

Well, I can identify with your frustration. I have a ds whom I lovingly refer to sometimes as the absentminded professor, because he is really intelligent and can focus well on all things scientific and remember them after one hearing, but honestly forgets or is oblivious to many important details of everyday life. But I actually can relate on a personal level as well. I was just saying yesterday that I feel slightly guilty because he inherited this absentmindedness from me.

 

I once put an envelope with a check for the office of our gated community in the postal service mail box instead of the office's drop box. It had no postage and no postal address. Fortunately it did have the name of the office and our lot number and we live in a very small rural area, so I was able to call the post office when I realized my error and ask them to hold it for us if they came across it. They found it and I picked it up the following day.

 

I also once left my debit card in the ATM because I was trying to stay hyper-alert and not forget to take my receipt. So I got the receipt and forgot to retrieve the card.

 

I once went to the dry cleaners to pick up a pair of dh's pants. I told them my name and they brought out the pants and hung them on the hook on my side of the counter. I paid for the service and took my reciept with me to the car and continued on my merry way running errands with the kids. I noticed sometime later along our route that I had never actually taken the pants, so we had to drive back to the dry cleaners to get them.

 

I could regale you with many more stories about me, but suffice it to say that I understand. When I was growing up my older sister used to tell me (in a gentle way) that for someone so intelligent, I had no common sense.

 

As for making him pay for the disk, I think it depends on whether you think he will remember not to make this same mistake again. I think for my ds it takes something dramatic sometimes to help him really remember. When he forgot his Nintendo DS outside overnight and it was rained on, we were at first fearful that it was ruined. Fortunately, after it dried out it still worked, but I think that the time while it was still wet when he knew that if it didn't work he wouldn't have it to play again (because we would not ever buy him one again, and they are expensive so it would take him a long time to save up for) left a significant enough impression on him that he won't make that mistake again.

 

We are also a no corporal punishment/very low punishment family. If I felt that the child already felt sorry for his mistake and would remember not to do it again, I would probably leave it at that. If I felt that he might repeat the mistake, I would require him to pay for the disk or work for me to earn the equivalent of the price of the disk as a reminder.

 

When my ds leaves things or loses things, it's generally not from laziness, it's usually just genuine forgetfullness. I think there's no way to punish that out of him, so I try to think of ways to help him remember. I'm not sure what I would do about the coat. You certainly don't want to have to be re-purchasing coats on a regular basis. Again I think it depends on the attitude of the child. If he is flippant or non-chalant about it, I might make him pay for a new coat or work to earn the money for it so that he would remember, but if he is remorseful or distraught about it and you think he will remember in the future, I would just buy a new one for him.

[Renee in NC]

However, when I lose something - I lose my mobile phone about every three years - and need to buy a new one, the purchase of a cheap phone has no impact on my ability to buy other things. If he has to pay for a disk and a coat it might take absolutely all his money for many months.

 

Laura

 

When I lose something I generally have to do without (or scramble to find money to pay for it) so I was coming from that perspective. Maybe determine how much it will cost, how long it would take you or your dh to make that much, and have him do work for you for that long doing something you would otherwise have to do?

 

I am a very absent-minded person and I have very absent-minded children. I understand what it is like to lose things that you really need or that cause a problem. For me it is often library fines! (And as I am only budgeted $10 for myself every two weeks, I spend most of my "spending money" on fines!:lol:)

 

I am sure he is very sorry for it!

[dirty ethel rackham]

My absent-minded professor lost his retainer several years ago. I told him he had to pay for half of it. Yep, it was a huge chunk of change for a young teen. So, we did put the word out so he could work off the debt with chores. He helped clean out our crawlspace (with my back, it is difficult and painful to spend much time in there). He did some chores for his aunt and grandpa. He paid about half his debt in cash and half in "work credits". While it didn't eliminate his spaciness, he did become more careful.

 

The biggest change came from Boy Scouts. At campouts, if they forget something, they have to deal with it. Adult leaders don't come to the rescue unless it is a health/safety issue. Ds had some uncomfortable moments in order to learn some better habits. Ds is still himself - absent-minded and all that, but he has shown some improvement.

[Danestress]

and I drove my mother mad. She is very organized and mindful.

 

I don't really have any advice except to say that I've experienced pretty significant moments of self hatred when I have forgotten something important, lost something I valued, etc. It's caused massive stress in my life. It is a hard way to live, and not much has really helped. I don't think it's a matter of being "more responsible" for me, at least. I consider myself a person with good judgment. You would trust me to care for your kids. I would not be hanging out drinking beer while they did back flips off the diving board:)

 

But I lose stuff. You probably wouldn't want to hand me your keys.

 

I have two children who have a good grasp on the physical world and one who, like me, is a loser. I have told him that I am at a loss to help him figure out how not to lose things. Nothing seems to work for me, and I always say that I can't figure out how to be careful for every single thing every minute of the day. If I am thinking really hard, "Don't forget to turn the over off when you leave the house" then that is what I am thinking. I am not thinking about where to put my keys, so they end up in some ridiculous place. I just try to help my son understand that if he does lose something, it's just a "thing." If you are going to be prone to losing stuff, you have to just learn to care less about stuff.

 

I guess what I am saying is that I wouldn't really get on him too hard because my own stress level about my forgetfulness has been extremely high and I would not want to add more of that on a child. I'm not opposed to occasionally making him pay for something he loses, but I would also help him cope with just not having things when he's lost them and also being gentle with himself. I would be compassionate about it - not condemning even if you are going to let him pay the price. If you need to have him pay for the disk, fine. Just do it kindly, expressing sympathy.

[Karenciavo]

I understand, my #2 is like that. I think you are doing him a disservice if he doesn't have some consequence. My #2 isn't deliberately thinking, "My mom will remind me," or "Dad will pay for that if I'm not careful," he just doesn't think about menial things when his mind is full of other thoughts and he's always thinking. But he needs the tools to start and one of those tools is a conscious effort to focus and *some* of what drives that focus is fear of consequence. So I'm weaning him off the reminders and when he stumbles he suffers consequences.

[MelanieM]

I would think that natural consequences are the way to go. In this case, that would mean *he* should call the post office to inquire, and pay for the disk if he can't retrieve it. If he doesn't want to call, he can simply choose to pay the replacement fee. Those would be the consequences to me if I had done this, so I think they'd be fair for my kid. This is not a punishment, and shouldn't be positioned as one. It's simply what happens in these types of circumstances if someone else isn't there to bail you out. Good life lesson.

[Haiku]

I would reframe this as dippiness and responsibility. Fault implies blame. Who is responsible for the coat? Since Hobbes wears it, I would say he is. When my oldest dd (now 15) lost her coat twice in one season (her first winter with us, so I gave her a pass on the first loss), I took her to a thrift store to buy the third coat. I paid for it, but she was stuck with the thrift-store choices.

 

Who is responsible for the Netflix movie? I can't answer that for you, but in my home I would say that I am, and if I have my kids put the movie out for the mail, I would be responsible for checking to make sure they do it correctly. With my younger kids, I figure that if I ask them to do me a favor, I need to be satisfied with the results (although this doesn't mean I wouldn't point out laziness or spaciness or whatever). With my fifteen year old, I do expect that if she says she will do something for me that it will be done right.

 

My seven year old is a space cadet. I feel ya.

 

Tara

[fivetails]

However, when I lose something - I lose my mobile phone about every three years - and need to buy a new one, the purchase of a cheap phone has no impact on my ability to buy other things. If he has to pay for a disk and a coat it might take absolutely all his money for many months.

 

Laura

 

 

This is exactly why I don't think it's fair to make kids pay for things "out of their own money" ~ kids simply don't make the kind of money that adults do and the punishment ends up being quite a lot more harsh than it would have been for an adult.

 

I'm not sure you'll want to hear this part.... ;)

 

I was "dippy" as a kid and nothing that my folks did ever changed anything..

 

I grew up to be just as scattered as I always was and I misplace things all. the. time. :willy_nilly:

 

Just yesterday I realized that I've (temporarily) lost the 1st CD in our audio SOTW set... I remember opening ds11's cd player about two weeks ago and it was in there, so i took it out and............................

 

and.....................

 

..........................

 

*shrug*

 

At least I remember that it *was* in the cd player? That counts for something, right? :tongue_smilie:

 

It'll turn up. Eventually. Somewhere.

 

 

(I'm curious - does he also have problems getting/staying organized? I always have, seems to go right along with the misplacing of things.)

[Laura Corin]

Who is responsible for the Netflix movie? I can't answer that for you, but in my home I would say that I am, and if I have my kids put the movie out for the mail, I would be responsible for checking to make sure they do it correctly.

 

The disk that Hobbes was meant to be taking to the post was his - we have an account for two disks at one time and Hobbes had just finished watching one. But he couldn't find his (it was in the DVD player....) so he took mine instead without mentioning it. And dropped it in the box without an envelope.

 

Laura

[Parrothead]

I truly think it is the age. Dd left her winter coat in a resturant when we were traveling. It had to be replaced as soon as we stopped again since it was winter and we were traveling.

 

Also, I don't know how many time this winter I had to bundle her into my coat for the walk in the parking lot. She would get out of the car and freeze because she didn't have her coat on. "Where's your coat?" "I forgot to put it on." And I have no idea how I don't notice this as we are leaving the house.

 

Dance was two days a week. After 9 months you'd think she would figure out to put the dirty dance clothes in the wash instead of under her bed after the first lesson in the week. Nope, I can't tell you how many times she had to run around on the second day looking for appropriate danceware for the second class.

 

It has got to be the age, and something they will outgrow. If not I'm afraid of what her life will be like as an adult.

[dhudson]

I have a child like that and I have her pay at least a portion of the cost it is going to take to replace what she lost as I want her to start to take responsibility for her things. It seems like it is working and I don't want to be the parent who consistently bails out her kids. I have some friends like that and I haven't been impressed at their kids responsibility level now that they are in college.

[TXMomof4]

You really should look at the book Love and Logic. My goal is to train responsible kids. I am spacey at times too, but I have to be responsible regardless of what I forget/lose. My kids do too. There are consequences to actions and if they don't feel that consequence as children they lose sight of the fact that there are consequences.

 

I don't think he should have to pay for the whole disk, but extra chores to help "pay' for it, calling the post office to see if they find it, maybe even calling the video store to find out the price of the disk so he'll have a real world grasp on the fact that it belonged to another person and he is responsible for it being lost. We all have to find ways to deal with our mistakes and it won't harm him to start learning that now.

 

How many adults have you met who live like they shouldn't have to be responsible for anything? It's disgusting to see a grown man who depends on his 86 yo father to bail him out of situations because he never learned he'd have to do it on his own (yes, I have a very specific example in mind and yes it is extreme, but it certainly motivates me to teach my kids to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS!!!)

[Haiku]

The disk that Hobbes was meant to be taking to the post was his - we have an account for two disks at one time and Hobbes had just finished watching one. But he couldn't find his (it was in the DVD player....) so he took mine instead without mentioning it. And dropped it in the box without an envelope.

 

Then I'd say he's responsible!

 

Tara

[MelanieM]

This is exactly why I don't think it's fair to make kids pay for things "out of their own money" ~ kids simply don't make the kind of money that adults do and the punishment ends up being quite a lot more harsh than it would have been for an adult.

 

I understand this logic, and I don't actually believe in letting a child suffer without funds if the family has money simply because of a mistake. However, it is a natural consequence to pay for something that you have lost or broken. And it is also natural that sometimes that takes up all of your available funds, even as an adult. For example, if you, as an adult, rent an expensive item from a store and then lose it, do you simply do nothing to rectify the situation simply because it would take up all of your available spending money for the next two months? No, you do what you need to do to deal with it, regardless of whether or not it's a large financial inconvenience.

 

Now, if that means a child has to spend their funds and later figure out how to acquire money for something important they don't want to do without, then that's also a real world scenario. This might mean a loan (or gift) from Mom or Dad, or finding an odd job to make some funds, etc. Again, that's how the world works for adults as well.

[Carol in Cal.]

My focus would be on what tricks would fit him better for the future.

 

There are a lot of dippy adults out there who compensate for themselves somehow. Maybe he needs to develop the threshold habit--that's the habit, every time you go through doorway, of briefly looking back and making something better. So, for instance, if you're leaving the kitchen, and you look back and realize that the peanut butter jar is uncovered, you go back and put the lid on. If you're going into the house and look back and see a newspaper on the stoop you pick it up.

 

In my case, I am very, very bad at directions. So I print out a map of where I'm going, even if I have been there before. I figure that this is just part of being an adult. Not too many people know how bad I am at this, because I have made a conscious decision that I'm still responsible to meet my schedule commitments, and so I will compensate for my own deficiency.

 

The bottom line? It doesn't matter all that much if he is dippy; what matters is how he handles this, especially as an adult.

[Karen in CO]

I was that kid too! My relatives always told me I didn't have the common sense to come in out of the rain (I like rain but that's not the point). Everyone was sure I'd come to some unfortunate end because of my inattention. :001_huh:

 

I had a terrific professor in college that would come to class and forget which language he was supposed to be using and start teaching in another language (ph.D in linguistics, fluent in many, many languages). He was awesome and lived a terrific life, absent-mindedly.

 

I don't think he should spend all of his meager money on the things he's lost, but you shouldn't always pick up the tabs for his mistakes either. There is responsibility for your own actions that need to come into play. Talk to him about it. Perhaps there is a solution that can come from him.

 

A coat from the second-hand store? Paying for half the disk and working for the other half? Life really isn't fair, and there is a price to be paid for our quirks of personality.

 

By the way, I lost my wallet this week once already - I washed it, again. I am still just as absent-minded as I ever was, but I function just fine in polite society (I have kids, a house, two cars, and a full-time job) and there was nothing anyone could ever do to fix me. My mother always told my other relatives that people like this have an extra angel to watch over them to keep them from harm.

[Haiku]

My focus would be on what tricks would fit him better for the future.

 

 

When I was in college, I had a sign on the inside of my dorm door that said, "Tara! Where are you going, why are you going there, and what will you need when you get there?"

 

Tara

[dansamy]

Totally dippy! I have absolutely no common sense. Drives people around me mad. Inconsequential stuff just doesn't register on my radar. I come inside, putmy keys down wherever it's convenient and forget them until I am leaving again. Which of course means a 20 minute search for my keys. Every.single.time.I.leave.my.house. I've also been known to do such strange things as take the tv remote to the kitchen with me, come back without it and later find it in the freezer.

[Tonia]

Totally dippy! I have absolutely no common sense. Drives people around me mad. Inconsequential stuff just doesn't register on my radar. I come inside, putmy keys down wherever it's convenient and forget them until I am leaving again. Which of course means a 20 minute search for my keys. Every.single.time.I.leave.my.house. I've also been known to do such strange things as take the tv remote to the kitchen with me, come back without it and later find it in the freezer.

 

:D I think you must be related to my husband! He is exactly the same way. I am not. I'm always telling him, "how hard is it to leave your keys in the same place each time you come in the door?" I even keep a special basket just for his wallet and keys but the wallet and keys are never in it, just piles of old receipts from his pockets. :tongue_smilie: At least now I'm learning to budget in an extra 5-10 minutes to search for keys and wallet before we go anywhere!

[Mejane]

I have one of these (or is it all 12-14yo boys?) The only thing that keeps me from wanting to beat him senseless (;)) is that he's so sweet and always full of remorse about the things he does. I wouldn't dream of punishing him. We just work on coping with the air-headedness and hope it will pass, although that's doubtful as he is a carbon copy of his dad. :001_rolleyes:

[hornblower]

No fault & I wouldn't harp on consequences.

 

I'd just talk about it lots & work on some practical strategies to help develop some organizational skills. This is nothing new - people have been tying strings on fingers & knots in corners of hankies for a long time to try to remember things.

[AHASRADA]

My ds13 is exactly like this. The only change I have seen as he's grown, is that he has become aware of, and frustrated by, his "forgetfulness", as opposed to being oblivious to our nagging when he was younger. I can see that he is taking steps that he thinks will help him not to lose things, or to be ready on time, etc., but they don't often work (or he remembers the item he is focusing on remembering, and thus forgets something else). No one else in our household is like this, (dh a little, perhaps, but not to this extent, and he has learned to compensate), so it is extremely frustrating for everyone.

 

A good example, is his MP3 player his grandma bought him. It is extremely small (like, 2 inches square). He was so afraid of losing it, he always left it in the car when we went out. One day, he was about to put it in the pocket on the back of the seat in front of him, but was thinking it would slide deep down into the pocket, making it hard to get out, and possibly forget that's where it was, and never find it. His solution? To put it in the compartment at the bottom of his rear passenger door. He was thinking since it is shallow, and open at the top, he would be more likely to see it when he got home and take it into the house with him. What happened? He still forgot about it, and somehow bumped into/slid his leg or a bag across, etc. the compartment, and it fell out. He didn't think of it for 2 days, and searched the car, to no avail. My dd found it 2 more days later, on the driveway, next to the car, driven over and ruined.

 

I had both my kids tested by an educational psychologist, and I was told his issue is a "deficit in executive functioning", which basically means he can't stay organized, etc. These skills can be learned, but have to be taught systematically to some kids, who don't develop them on their own.

 

I would buy books and/or do online research into ways to help your dc develop his executive functioning skills. A wealth of info. can also be found on ADD websites, since some of the same methods can work for both.

 

BTW, yes, ds can remember scientific, historical, geographic facts after one reading, but cannot remember to get his swim bag from the basement, even after being reminded 4 times in 1 hour!

[Lara in Colo]

My dd1 is just like this--one of the reasons I now HS. We always say we need to find her a good husband to take care of her someday. Really smart but just not on the same plane as the rest of the world. I like the idea of having "tricks" to keep her on track.

 

Lara

[DarlaS]

:D I think you must be related to my husband! He is exactly the same way. I am not. I'm always telling him, "how hard is it to leave your keys in the same place each time you come in the door?" I even keep a special basket just for his wallet and keys but the wallet and keys are never in it, just piles of old receipts from his pockets. :tongue_smilie: At least now I'm learning to budget in an extra 5-10 minutes to search for keys and wallet before we go anywhere!

 

There is a reason for this device that helps people find their keys.

 

I am somewhat dippy I guess. I forget what I'm looking for by the time I get the cabinet door open and need to allow extra time for cooking because of this.

 

I do tend to keep things often needed (keys) in the same place though. Most of the time...

[myfunnybunch]

When I was in college, I had a sign on the inside of my dorm door that said, "Tara! Where are you going, why are you going there, and what will you need when you get there?"

 

*sigh* I am no longer in college, and I am going to print one of these right now and put it on my back door. Excellent idea.

 

OP: I have been like this all my life. All of the natural consequences in the world didn't help me to be less spacey. I've spent a fortune replacing lost umbrellas. I start getting ready to leave fifteen minutes earlier than I need to in case I need to look for my keys. My dh knows that when I say "Goodbye" as I'm on my way out the door, he's bound to hear me clomping back up the steps to get something I've forgotten. My dear friends know to call me the day before we're supposed to meet to make sure that I haven't forgotten, and my family knows that if I don't talk to them *on* their actual birthdays, they will still get a loving card and a phone call within the week. It's not from lack of effort, believe me. My mother jokes that in many ways I am one of the most organized people she knows because I *have* to be.

 

Natural consequences like calling the post office, helping pay the replacement fee for the movie, finding an affordable second-hand coat are good ideas because that's what happens in real life when you lose things. I have a couple spacey kids too, and that's how we've handled similar situations. And I'd focus on teaching strategies (like Tara's note) that will help. I've learned to do a quick mental "coat check" (because I lost all of my coats as a teen) when I leave places: I stop myself and really think "Do I have everything I brought with me?" It's a habit now. Like I wrote above, I get ready 15 minutes early to accommodate looking for keys and running back in to get what I've forgotten. I ask reliable people for reminders if I need to. Your lovely ds might always be a little dippy, though, and it helps to be able to have a sense of humor about the whole thing. :)

 

Cat

[MelanieM]

I find it fascinating that I seem to be on the stricter side of things compared to many of the other responses in this thread -- that most certainly must be a first for me here at WTM!! :lol: (And I use 'strict' loosely, because I don't view the natural consequences in this case as parent-imposed.)

[Desert Rat]

Laura, we seem to be similar minds. A similar situation occured with Huck. He left the freezer door open, even after being remind to make sure it shut, and it was not noticed until the following day. This means all of the food was thawed. Some we had to toss the rest we had to cook and eat. I was very upset because I felt he could handle that responsiblity. I voiced my disappointment and explained what it had cost as a family to lose that food. He understood and apologized and I told him if it happened again, he would have to help pay to replace the food. I give him room to make mistakes and learn from them.

If I was in your situation with video, I would remind talk to him about why you are upset and let him know clearly what you expect. Let him off the hook this time, but next time he has to help with the cost.

I think everyone is allowed to mess up. It sounds like your Hobbes and my Huck are two peas in a pod. :)

[Mejane]

When I was in college, I had a sign on the inside of my dorm door that said, "Tara! Where are you going, why are you going there, and what will you need when you get there?"

 

 

 

I need a sign like this in my home at the foot of the stairs. :D

[dansamy]

My dd1 is just like this--one of the reasons I now HS. We always say we need to find her a good husband to take care of her someday. Really smart but just not on the same plane as the rest of the world. I like the idea of having "tricks" to keep her on track.

 

Lara

 

Thank goodness for my own DH. He protects me from my own lack of common sense. I really do not live on Planet Earth. I live off in La-La Land. And I just don't notice stuff that normal people do. I also notice oddities that normal people don't. And it occurs to me just now, having just gotten home from work, I have no idea where I put my badge and keys. My first year at the hospital where I work now, I lost and replaced, at $5 a pop, at least 4 badges.

[KidsHappen]

I am the space cadet queen. My husband is not any better. So naturally our children are the same. I can't possibly expect better behavior from them than my husband and I are capable of ourselves. So we handle replacements the same as original purchases. We replace items that need to be replaced as cheaply as possible. If it is an item that doesn't need to be replaced then we repurchace when and if we can but maybe with an item that was not as nice as the original item.

 

Now if children are purposely descructive, that is a different story and there are definite consequences for that.

[MamaT]

We call my oldest son "the absent-minded professor." He is 24 and all my strategies trying to make him more organized/less forgetful has never worked. He is just the way he is. He is able to take care of getting to his college classes, hold down a job, and will be getting married in August. He can handle life - but he will ALWAYS be dippy.

 

His soon-to-be wife and I have a "look" that we give each other when he has done something dippy. :001_smile: It drives him crazy!

 

When I'm pulling all the stuff out of the dryer that was in his pockets, I just say to myself "he has a heart of pure gold and he is very bright." He has so many good qualities, that after 24 years I have learned to overlook his forgetfulness.

 

I would not punish your son for his mistakes. It wasn't something done out of malice. It was an honest mistake. We all make them.

[Greta]

Laura, I can truly imagine your frustration. But as the one who is the cause of this kind of frustration in my family, I have to ask you not to be too hard on him! If he's like me, he truly can't help it. My husband, after 13 years of marriage, has come to understand that it isn't laziness on my part, my brain just doesn't operate quite right in some ways! :001_smile:

 

I have found little things that help me. Like a hook by the front door on which to hang my keys the moment I walk in, to save myself a half-hour search for them on my way back out. Making lists of things I need to get done that day -- if I actually remember to look at the list this works out beautifully! :lol: I have some medications that I must take at the same time every day - an alarm on my iPod is the only way this gets accomplished. If you can help him find little tricks to remember what he needs to remember, this will accomplish far, far more than any punishments or "consequences". Punishments only work when the behavior is intentional.

[Greta]

And it occurs to me just now, having just gotten home from work, I have no idea where I put my badge and keys. My first year at the hospital where I work now, I lost and replaced, at $5 a pop, at least 4 badges.

 

This just made me think of my dh's work situation. He is a physicist at a national lab, with a pretty high level of government security clearance. The consequences of him losing his badge would be . . . severe. It's a really good thing he's not the dippy one in our family! He's had to rescue me from my own stupidity so many times. The man deserves an award! :D

[dansamy]

This just made me think of my dh's work situation. He is a physicist at a national lab, with a pretty high level of government security clearance. The consequences of him losing his badge would be . . . severe. It's a really good thing he's not the dippy one in our family! He's had to rescue me from my own stupidity so many times. The man deserves an award! :D

 

They'd never even get past the first interview with me for a job like that. I'd pretty much be eliminated right off the bat because it's obvious pretty quickly after meeting me that I pretty well march to the beat of a drum that only I hear. I gave up a long time ago trying to pretend I am in any way normal with just a few quirks. I'm firmly in the "totally weird, with a random spot of normalcy in an area or two" camp.

[Giraffe]

My DH is the absent minded professor. I don't know how he manages at work, honestly I don't, but he's apparently brilliant at what he does. At home, well, let's just say I keep him on track as best I can. I asked his mom about it once and her eye roll and chuckle said it all - this is just the way he is. I say he hasn't been on this planet since he was very young, if ever.

 

May all the "dippy" DCs out there find understanding mates!

[Greta]

They'd never even get past the first interview with me for a job like that. I'd pretty much be eliminated right off the bat because it's obvious pretty quickly after meeting me that I pretty well march to the beat of a drum that only I hear. I gave up a long time ago trying to pretend I am in any way normal with just a few quirks. I'm firmly in the "totally weird, with a random spot of normalcy in an area or two" camp.

 

:lol: I'd never even apply for a job like that, much less survive the interview.

 

In my "job" as mom, I once locked myself out of the house with my 2 year old dd inside (didn't know that one of our back doors locks itself behind you!). I locked her in the car twice, strapped into her car seat with my keys sitting in the front seat. The second time was in the height of summer in the desert southwest - I probably don't have to tell you how terrified I was. It was in the parking lot of my gym, and the employees there called the fire dept, and they came and broke the window to get her out, and checked her vital signs and everything. It was a nightmare. Once I was assured that she was alright, I was terribly embarrassed.

 

So, you see, I'm not even sure that I should have been entrusted with a child. But I definitely cannot be trusted with issues of national security!!!!!!

 

I just have to laugh at myself. Because otherwise I would cry.