So, how do you play with your kids?

[Mama Anna]

I haven't seen a thread like this - if there is one, please post a link, someone!

 

I live in a nice, cozy cul-de-sac where several families homeschool. One of the other moms mentioned that she tries to get her kids (4,5, and 6, or so) out early in the afternoon so that she can play with them before all the other kids come out and they all play together.

 

:001_huh: Play with my kids? Um. You know, that sounds like something I'm supposed to do. How? I love to read aloud to them. I occasionally play board games with them, which is a bit of a stretch for me. But just enter into their play? <gulp> It doesn't come naturally for this goal-oriented, authoritarian-style-leaning mama. When I joke around with them just the littlest bit, it invariably degenerates into a silliness contest that totally kills whatever is supposed to happen at the moment. This means that I try not to do that when something is supposed to be getting done, which is the vaaaast majority of the time around here. Now, I know that loosening up is a good idea - I've been around myself long enough to know that I need to. :D But I'm looking for ideas from those of you for whom this was a problem and you've successfully handled it as well as from those of you for whom this just comes naturally.

 

Just telling me to loosen up won't help. :)

 

So, how do you play with your kids?

 

Mama Anna

[Lynn in WI]

My advice would be to not see it as a problem! Every parent plays and interacts with their children differently. Just because you don't take your kids outside and involve yourself in their play doesn't mean they are missing out on something. My kids enjoy being inside their imaginations by themselves or together but not usually with me. That sort of play they do on their own. Sometimes we play together outside but it's always sports-oriented--badminton, basketball, etc. I don't see the need to be with my kids all the time--they need play time by themselves away from me. But if they invite me to join them I usually do.

[Ellie]

I don't play with my dc. Ok, they're 32 and 35yo :D but I didn't play with them when they were little, either. Children should be able to entertain themselves, IMHO. IOW, I don't see not playing with your dc as a problem.

 

Playing board games as a family in the evening or weekends is fun, but on a day-to-day basis...no, that's not even a blip on my radar.

[angela in ohio]

My advice would be to not see it as a problem! Every parent plays and interacts with their children differently. Just because you don't take your kids outside and involve yourself in their play doesn't mean they are missing out on something. My kids enjoy being inside their imaginations by themselves or together but not usually with me. That sort of play they do on their own. Sometimes we play together outside but it's always sports-oriented--badminton, basketball, etc. I don't see the need to be with my kids all the time--they need play time by themselves away from me. But if they invite me to join them I usually do.

 

:iagree:

 

We play games as a family, go bowling, play Wii, etc., but most of my dc's play time is spent on their own. I've met too many dc who can't manage themselves, because mom has always led too much of their day.

 

Now, the one thing I could help with is the joking around part. I posted a few weeks ago about using humor to connect with our kiddos during the school day, making even difficult school work more pleasurable. I think it is really important to joke around a lot. There have been times where they got into a habit of taking it too far, getting overly silly, as you said. I have had to check myself to keep from quitting because of that. Instead, I stop them when they get too silly and tell them that I enjoy them more when they don't act that way. Then I walk away. It has nipped it in the bud really well.

[TammyinTN]

Get yourselves a supply of nerf guns. I've had a lot of Nerf wars this past year. I love to surprise attack first thing in the morning when he gets out of bed. We play uno, wii, checkers, blokus, and pick out movies to watch together. It feels good sometimes to pretend your a kid again. :D

[Johanna]

jumping on the trampoline!

[AHASRADA]

:001_huh: Play with my kids? Um. You know, that sounds like something I'm supposed to do. How?

Mama Anna

 

Anna, thank you so much for posting this! You sound exactly like me! Somehow, I have always felt ashamed to admit that I don't really play with my kids. In my defense, I didn't really play much as a kid either. Reading, talking, role-playing games (store, etc.), but that's about it. I know some moms (esp. unschoolers) who do little but play with their kids (albeit strategy-based board games, etc.) I feel somewhat guilty, but that's just not me!

 

I do think it is important for kids to have some play time with important adults in their life. For one thing, they learn how to "be a good sport" from adult-modeled behavior, but it also provides "quality time" where meaningful thoughts, ideas and feelings can be shared in a fun, relaxed atmosphere (especially for boys, who open up more through activities than simply talking).

 

That said, your "quality time" with your kids doesn't have to be typical kid-style playing, if that's not your thing. A picnic at the park, craft projects, museum trip, watching a movie together, etc. all qualify too.

 

At the same time, I think I do get caught up in my "mom" and "teacher" roles, and forget to have fun with my kids. "I don't have time to have fun, I have to make sure they learn and are fed and have clean clothes and..." Therefore, more important than "playing" per se is having "recreational" time with your kids (whatever that means to you), where you are just enjoying them and not teaching or disciplining. And yes, humor is what makes the day bearable!

 

Your neighbor probably likes to play. Good for her! My mom also loves to play, and wishes I would have played with her more when I was a kid. Now she plays with mine, board games, role-playing games, baseball, etc. My dh also takes the kids on bike rides, playing soccer and basketball at the park, etc. but doesn't do read-alouds or museums. As long as you make sure you are finding time to enjoy your family in your own way, no, I don't think it is necessary to "play".

[dragons in the flower bed]

I don't want to interfere in the imaginary play of my children. I might play initially, but that would be to show the children how it's done-- respond to your sibling in character, make up an imaginary world, etc.-- when the children are getting grumpy and bickery or bored and whiny. I step out as soon as I possibly can.

 

I mean to play games such as Red Light Green Light or Red Rover with them this spring, if the weather ever gets above sixty degrees. I wouldn't bother with that if they had older neighborhood kids to show them how to play these traditional childhood games. I will certainly let them play independently as soon as they have the rules down.

 

We do play tabletop games and do outdoor sports together, as much as we do those things (which is hopefully more, we're working on it). I guess I only feel comfortable participating in games I would also play with a grown-up. My goal in playing these games with the kids is to establish a foundation for interacting with them when they are grown ups. It will seem less contrived when they're in their twenties if we play together now. Plus they need to know how to play as grown ups, for socialization, you know?

[helena]

My 8 yo threw this one in on her last tantrum. "You never play with me". I feel bad about it sometimes because my dad played with me all the time, he was so much fun!

 

I refuse to play lame games, that's my first thing. I can't stand silly games with no ending.

I recently taught her how to play some card games, and that has helped a lot. We play speed and gin rummy.

I'll also play hide and go seek in the house. The inner contortionist in me loves that game. :)

I'm always up for croquet and badminton as well.

 

I've made peace with not being a playing mommy by making sure I'm the mommy who brings wonderful snack bowls and fun drinks out to the kids while they play outside. I also bring out trays of craft supplies.

[LibraryLover]

I don't play with my kids. Oh, when they are babies, I play clapping games, and sing songs and carry them around while I work, I hold them above my head and give belly raspberries. I might stack blocks and knock them down. I might do a puzzle with the baby, read books, play peek -a-boo, that sort of thing etc.

 

With a toddler I might make playdough and show them how to make little balls and coils and such (I don't use cookie cutters...too frustrating for them, and I am not going to sit around rolling dough out flat for hours. Plus,cookie cutters limit creative play; they decide for a child what soemthing is. I don't like that). I might fill the sink with warm soapy water while I do other things in the kitchen and let them use cups and sieves etc. I might put water in pans in the sandbox. I might, at times, pretend to drink tea. I don't enjoy this, and I do not make myself terribly availabe for this. I might play workd games in the car. I will sing with them, I will teach them little poems. I will show them how to use a dust pan and brush, how to carry their dirty clothing to the wash room.

 

But I don't play. I do not think I am a bad mother...I don't like to intrude on the creative aspect of my kids' play, I don't think it helps them to develop skills if I am guiding the 'play'. So I don't. That's not my world.

 

With older kids, we play board games, do puzzles, I make all sort of art supplies available. I will teach them how to make paper mache so they can do it on their own when they wish. I will play Boggle, Scrabble, Set, Uno etc. I will read to them. I will sing songs from my childhood to make them laugh. I will tell them lame jokes. I taught them to knit. To use a needle and thread , to cook and to bake etc.

 

You would never find me playing dolls, Playmobil (aside from putting heads or hair back on on), little cars (excpet to show a toddler how to make a ramp or something), or pretending I am a friend of Barbie or Molly or Kirsten. That's not my bag, man. I do not have one drop of guilt about it.

Edited May 14, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Mrs Mungo]

I kick the soccer ball with them, we have hula hoop contests, we play board games and wii. We sometimes play with playdough or lego. I never played Barbie or whatever with them though.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I don't actively engage in their play on a daily basis, but I will play board games/ card games with them; I'll be the customer when they play restaurant or store; I'll occasionally play hockey, basketball, frisbee, etc. outside with them. I was doing Pokemon card battles for a while, but I put a limit on that because it just annoyed me. :tongue_smilie:

[BikeBookBread]

Sometimes I get them started on an imagination game, like setting up tea set for their dollies, but they set them free.

 

We play board games, Blokus, Quirkle, etc.

 

Outside, I really just supervise while they play with the neighborhood kids (I'm the ONLY mom who does this :glare:). When we go to the park, I help them physically with stuff they can't do yet, like assist with the monkey bars, etc.

[Ellie]

I don't want to interfere in the imaginary play of my children. I might play initially, but that would be to show the children how it's done-- respond to your sibling in character, make up an imaginary world, etc.-- when the children are getting grumpy and bickery or bored and whiny. I step out as soon as I possibly can.

Yes! That's it exactly. GMTA. :)

[LibraryLover]

Exactly. I used to enjoy setting up little scenarios in our doll house or little wooden tree house while the children were sleeping. Or make a little corral of blocks with some wooden animals when nobody was looking...kids seem to enjoy discovering that.

[Mama Anna]

OK. I'm not the only mom who finds unending silliness annoying. <whew!> Thanks for removing my mama-guilt over that one. I also love to let their imaginations soar, bumping only into each other's and not being ruled by mine. :D At least, until blood and/or property damage are imminent.

 

I guess one of my difficulties is that I'm not a sports-oriented person. It's always been music for me. (Football? Marching band. Basketball? Pep band. Softball? Ummm . . . what's that? :)) I'm not good at sports and they don't occur to me as possible activities. (Even when the PE-teaching aunt gives dd6 a soccer ball for Christmas.) I'll have to schedule a time when they're gross motor skills are highly enough developed to work on the rules of sports. :lol: (Oh, me the Lover of Schedules!!)

 

So, those aside, I guess what I need to work on more is the sense of humor that Angela in Ohio mentioned. Angela, I really appreciate your advice on how to keep such stuff from going too far. Thanks!

 

Anyone else?

 

Appreciatively,

Mama Anna

[LibraryLover]

OK. I'm not the only mom who finds unending silliness annoying. <whew!> Thanks for removing my mama-guilt over that one. I also love to let their imaginations soar, bumping only into each other's and not being ruled by mine. :D At least, until blood and/or property damage are imminent.

 

I guess one of my difficulties is that I'm not a sports-oriented person. It's always been music for me. (Football? Marching band. Basketball? Pep band. Softball? Ummm . . . what's that? :)) I'm not good at sports and they don't occur to me as possible activities. (Even when the PE-teaching aunt gives dd6 a soccer ball for Christmas.) I'll have to schedule a time when they're gross motor skills are highly enough developed to work on the rules of sports. :lol: (Oh, me the Lover of Schedules!!)

 

So, those aside, I guess what I need to work on more is the sense of humor that Angela in Ohio mentioned. Angela, I really appreciate your advice on how to keep such stuff from going too far. Thanks!

 

Anyone else?

 

Appreciatively,

Mama Anna

 

 

Bike riding, tether ball, kayaking. Long walks. These I can handle.

[Peela]

I have never played with mine much either. Dd woudl definitely have loved us to play more board or card games- and we have done, but not regularly. Partly because until recently, ds was eomtionally unable to handle a game unless he was winning, which took the fun out of it for teh rest of us.

 

So...not much play here. However, I do let them play their songs in the car and let them tell me about them. We do have our own family sense of humour and lots of laughs. I do read aloud too even now into the teens. And we talk a fair bit.

 

I feel ultimately..ideally..I would have liked to have played more with my kids but I am not giving myself oto hard a time. I think maybe thats what grandparents are for- I can imagine playing with my grandkids! Because then I send them home with their parents.

[MorganClassicalPrep]

LOL, I guess I wouldn't call what we do "playing" either! But I was another one who didn't even really play as a child, and much preferred to be inside reading a book.

 

I don't think its crucial to play with your children, because as someone else mentioned, families interact with each other in vastly different ways.

 

With my DD, I can read to her and sing songs... but if she suckers me into playing with her dollhouse I'm looking for my first chance to get away!

 

I think it's important that children learn to occupy themselves. Nothing drives me crazy more than "I'm bored"! Plus, she gets my attention during schooltime, mealtimes, when were bathing and getting ready for the day, at nighttime when we sing and talk and read, other times when she just randomly picks up a book and wants to read it..... Mommy needs time too!

[Daisy]

I don't want to interfere in the imaginary play of my children. I might play initially, but that would be to show the children how it's done--

 

Exactly! :iagree:

 

My kids rarely need me to play with them anymore. They are 8 and 10. They enjoy having me around. For example, if they are playing outside and it is a gorgeous day, I may head out and weed the garden or trim roses. They will join me or continue their play, but they are glad for the company.

 

I sometimes play a board game (I hate them but I'll do it if the whole family is playing). I read to them, hold them, hug them, fold laundry with them, watch the rare movie with them, etc. I spend plenty of time with them, just not much playing.

[newlifemom]

:iagree:

 

We play games as a family, go bowling, play Wii, etc., but most of my dc's play time is spent on their own. I've met too many dc who can't manage themselves, because mom has always led too much of their day.

 

Now, the one thing I could help with is the joking around part. I posted a few weeks ago about using humor to connect with our kiddos during the school day, making even difficult school work more pleasurable. I think it is really important to joke around a lot. There have been times where they got into a habit of taking it too far, getting overly silly, as you said. I have had to check myself to keep from quitting because of that. Instead, I stop them when they get too silly and tell them that I enjoy them more when they don't act that way. Then I walk away. It has nipped it in the bud really well.

 

 

I keep fighting the urge to shout, "Will you come and teach me how to parent/teach/whatever!" Today I am giving in. Your advice is always spot on. Thanks. :D

[DarlaS]

 

So, how do you play with your kids?

 

Mama Anna

 

Honestly? Rarely.

 

I can handle the occasional game of croquet or badminton. They've even put up with my awful pitching for a little batting practice. :D I've also been known to hang out on the swing, get in our (rather smallish) pool, or shoot a few hoops. However, I do not make playing with them a regular thing.

 

We do a lot of things together and I figure they need some time without me right there as much as I need time without them right next to me every minute.

 

Puzzles, boardgames and such are great adult/kid play territory. I am not interested in being involved in any imaginary play especially--even if they ask (which they don't). I would have felt invaded upon had my mom wanted to hang around while I was playing a game of pretend.

[sheryl]

That is an excellent question! Playing is probably associated more with younger children. As the child ages parents talk and spend time, fun quality time with their kids....although there "can" be playing involved too at this age.

 

My dh and I have always been big players with our dd who turns 11 this month.

 

How does playing look now at her age? Board games, twister, kite flying, riding bikes, hiking, baking something special together and the list goes on and on. She still enjoys us pushing her on the tree swing and we love it too.

 

This is such a good thread and this topic is one that my dh and I discuss every now and then. When we drive here and there, we just don't "see" many families out in their front yards anymore. And not playing. Maybe they are in their back yard. :glare: Hope so.

 

Are parents just to busy? We don't "play" everyday...some days are fuller with other responsibilities than others, but that's something I'd like...playing everyday! :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I haven't seen a thread like this - if there is one, please post a link, someone!

 

I live in a nice, cozy cul-de-sac where several families homeschool. One of the other moms mentioned that she tries to get her kids (4,5, and 6, or so) out early in the afternoon so that she can play with them before all the other kids come out and they all play together.

 

:001_huh: Play with my kids? Um. You know, that sounds like something I'm supposed to do. How? I love to read aloud to them. I occasionally play board games with them, which is a bit of a stretch for me. But just enter into their play? <gulp> It doesn't come naturally for this goal-oriented, authoritarian-style-leaning mama. When I joke around with them just the littlest bit, it invariably degenerates into a silliness contest that totally kills whatever is supposed to happen at the moment. This means that I try not to do that when something is supposed to be getting done, which is the vaaaast majority of the time around here. Now, I know that loosening up is a good idea - I've been around myself long enough to know that I need to. :D But I'm looking for ideas from those of you for whom this was a problem and you've successfully handled it as well as from those of you for whom this just comes naturally.

 

Just telling me to loosen up won't help. :)

 

So, how do you play with your kids?

 

Mama Anna

[m0mmaBuck]

I'm such a kid. I love to play.

 

Frequent indoor activities include board/card/dice games, Wii games, Playdoh, coloring, painting and crafts.

 

Frequent outdoor activities include bike rides, pushing them on swings, running races at the park, playing tennis, flying kites or airplanes, playing frisbee, kick ball/soccer, playing catch... I love to be outside, and I love sports.

 

Some days I play Barbie although I despise it. The kids love to dance and play air guitar so sometimes we put the music on and jump around like crazy people. Occasionally I'll get out the train tracks and we turn the living room into the Island of Sodor. Sometimes the Hotwheels, Legos, or Rokenbock sets come out too. Some days the living room becomes the beach and we have a picnic for lunch.

 

Other days I need to be a grown up and they are on their own. They are OK with that too.

[Rosie_0801]

Huh? I thought that's what Dads were for. If I was to play tickle games on the bed, what would he do to entertain them?

 

Rosie- who does those things if she's feeling particularly mischievous, but I wouldn't dream of invading Dadland and making a permanent home!

[Momma2Many66]

After reading "Teach Like Your Hair's On Fire", I decided to really start playing with my kids, making wonderful memories and teaching them through play.

 

I always did joke around with them, played board games with them, we have great fun with math manipulatives and educational toys through play, but I never really just "played with them" for the sake of creating closensess, bonding and meaningful moments.

 

Since reading Rafe Esquith's TLYHOF I decided to start really enjoying my kids. I took his suggestions and we are now playing baseball and learning all the in's and out's of how to really play and enjoy the game. We are taking it one step at a time, because I am so not a sporty Momma, sports take a lot of coordination which I seem to be really lacking in. :lol:

 

But we are having so much fun with it ! The kids are having a blast and they are extending to me grace in the fact that I am learning right along with them.

 

Rafe talks about baseball teaching team work and good sportmanship, something I want my children to have because these values will someday cross over into so many other areas of their future lives and relationships.

 

The kids are also learning to work together, it carries over into other areas of our lives, there is less arguing and fighting between them during the day, instead they are learning to work well together, be part of a team and helping and encouraging one another. The older children are helping the younger children not just with baseball, but now also with their schoolwork and chores. It is giving them a closeness they didn't have before with sibling rivalry, on going competition and constant one-up manship. Now they see each other as an integral part of "the team". It is awesome to see a simple game creating such a lasting bond and such peace and harmony in our household and with our homeschooling.

 

This week we have been simply working on hitting the ball with the bat properly. We are using a plastic bat and tennis balls, because Rafe talks about how children not used to playing baseball are often scared of the ball in the beginning. Using tennis balls helps to take away that fear of getting "hit" with the ball, so they actually watch the ball and don't move away from it or close their eyes when it comes near to them. It is working, my kid's are enjoying the "art of hitting the ball". It will take a few weeks, heck it could even take a few months ( I have little ones), but we have time, plenty of time to really master this task of just hitting the ball with the bat.

 

We will take it one step at a time like Rafe recommends. We will break the game down into teaching segments, batting, catching, pitching, fielding, keeping score, etcetra.....master each step and learn the entire game inside and out before actually ever playing a game. He said he spent 6 months on teaching his school children all the in's and out's of baseball before he ever let them play a game. By the time they played, they were all really adept at playing well.

 

I figure over the years, after putting in those "10,000" hours of baseball practice, we will have mastered the game and I will probably have a couple of professional players on my hands that will be looking forward to heading off to the big leagues and those exciting money making baseball careers ! ;)

 

In the meantime, we are creating lasting family memories, strong family bonds, values and dedication and they are all getting to know another fun side of their Momma. :001_smile:

Edited May 14, 2010 by Momma2Many66

[TravelingChris]

I never played with the kids unless you are talking about things like board games, card games or something like Screenit. DH plays tennis with my girls and used to play soccer with all of them. The only part I could see as playing with my kids was when they were very, very little and you try to interest them in some toy by showing how to use it (bucket with shape holes, new activity board, etc). My parents didn't play with us and I thought they were great parents. Some parents did but it was almost always Dads and involved sports. Never felt any guilt about it either.

[NanceXToo]

I play board games, Wii games and computer games with them.

 

I do puzzles with them.

 

Sometimes I build block or lego towers with my youngest. Or play tickling games with him to make him laugh.

 

I read to them.

 

I do crafts with them sometimes.

 

Outside, I may kick a ball around with them a little bit, blow bubbles with them, occasionally participate in water gun fights with them.

 

Sometimes I play hide and seek with them.

 

That's probably the extent of my "playing" lol. Sometimes my youngest wants me to get down on the floor and "play cars" with him or something and I'm like "uh. Huh?"

[babysparkler]

It feels good sometimes to pretend your a kid again. :D

:iagree: And the kids love seeing Mommy play :)

 

I don't play with them as often as I'd like, but every now and then I will sneak in a few minutes of soccer or t-ball while they are out in the back yard. We also do board games indoors, or my dd and I sneak off when the boys aren't looking to play dollhouse or dress barbies/poly pockets. With my ds10, I will often take a turn or two of his Nintendo game (we have the old nes system that I had as a kid)... I was a nintendo addict as a kid, so I'm still feeding that :D by getting him my favorite games.

Edited May 14, 2010 by babysparkler

[Mama Anna]

So many good suggestions and comments - thank you all for your thoughtful replies!

 

(Heading off to figure out what some of these things might look like in our home . . .)

 

Mama Anna

[Guest Cindie2dds]

 

:001_huh: Play with my kids? Um. You know, that sounds like something I'm supposed to do. How? I love to read aloud to them. I occasionally play board games with them, which is a bit of a stretch for me. But just enter into their play? <gulp> It doesn't come naturally for this goal-oriented, authoritarian-style-leaning mama.

 

Well, I have no idea. You sound like me. Rella asks me to play with her some, but it's just not me. Mater has never been interested in me playing with her. She will ask me to hold her or watch a movie with her, but I think she knows she has more fun pretending on her own. :lol:

 

I will do art with them as a part of school, which is why I need a hands-on curriculum. I was always more comfortable around adults than kids, even when I was a kid. As far as their play time, I might tickle chase them, read to them or go for a nature walk; but sit and play, no, out of my comfort zone. I'm okay with that.

Edited May 14, 2010 by Cindie2dds

[cranberrymom]

We play basketball, wii games(when they can tolerate my poor playing), tetherball, kick around the soccer ball, build sandcastles, bike, board games, wiffle ball, swimming(marco polo), laser tag whenever I get a chance. Summertime is when we do most of our play.

I encourage you to find some activities that you enjoy and build some memories. I played with my first son much more than my next three and I treasure those times.(Daddy worked OT often and he was an only child for 11 years) My 25 year-old and I now have a great tradition of scrabble games. We have been playing competitively against each other since he was little.

[KrissiK]

I don't play with my kids either. I talk to them, read aloud to them, teach them to cook stuff in the kitchen from time to time, but I don't play with them. They don't seem to mind. My mom never played with me and I never though anything was amiss. DH takes them on bike rides and plays catch with the boys.

[Susu]

I don't often play with them, so when I do they really see it as a treat. I read to them, teach them, take them on outings, and sometimes we do boardgames, but "playing" per se is rare. Sometimes I battle my son with the "nerf swords" we got him for Christmas, or we play the Wii together. Those are a lot of fun. Occasionally I will play dolls or Barbies with my daughter, but it is usually short lived! (I get so bored with that! lol) We will play hide and seek sometimes, or have races while on a family hike. Maybe frisbee on the beach. But really, my philosophy is that the kids should mostly learn to entertain themselves, and see a parent playing with them as a real treat.

 

Susu