Utterly disrespectful kids in public, what do you do?

[ImAhomeSCHOOLmama]

I am talking REDICULOUSLY disrespectful kids. We were walking through the mall yesterday, and this kid kept spitting on people. His parents saw and didnt say anything. So me being the person I am, HAD to say something when he spit on me.

 

I looked at him, and told him how disgusting it was to spit on people, told him even if his parents didnt care to take the time to correct his behavior I did because I refuse to allow MY KIDS to learn such behavior. Then the mother promptly loooks at me and say DONT YOU TALK TO MY SON LIKE THAT. So, I said to her If you would stop your son from spitting on people like they were peices of trash, I wouldnt have to (2 or 3 people watching-- I got a few thats rights after that!)

 

So how do YOU handle disrespectful kids? I am not usually like that, But to get a loogie hacked on you?? Just not right!

[Jen500]

I don't know, but if I saw a kid spitting on people, I wouldn't be walking anywhere near that kid!

[Peri]

You did it just right and good for you.

[ImAhomeSCHOOLmama]

I don't know, but if I saw a kid spitting on people, I wouldn't be walking anywhere near that kid!

 

 

I was not paying attention til he got the person in front of me then me. The mom saw the person in front of me then ignored it like it was no big deal

[Heather in Neverland]

You did the EXACT same thing I would have done AND have done in the past. Good job!

[Guest Amy in MS]

I would have done the same as you!

[Mrs Mungo]

I am talking REDICULOUSLY disrespectful kids. We were walking through the mall yesterday, and this kid kept spitting on people. His parents saw and didnt say anything. So me being the person I am, HAD to say something when he spit on me.

 

I looked at him, and told him how disgusting it was to spit on people, told him even if his parents didnt care to take the time to correct his behavior I did because I refuse to allow MY KIDS to learn such behavior. Then the mother promptly loooks at me and say DONT YOU TALK TO MY SON LIKE THAT. So, I said to her If you would stop your son from spitting on people like they were peices of trash, I wouldnt have to (2 or 3 people watching-- I got a few thats rights after that!)

 

So how do YOU handle disrespectful kids? I am not usually like that, But to get a loogie hacked on you?? Just not right!

 

If the child was under 5 or 6, I would have said to the parents-"excuse me, your child just spit on me, that is disgusting! You should take care of that before someone calls security."

 

If it was a child 6-12 or 13, I would have said "did you just SPIT on me? That is completely disgusting! If I see you do that again, I will call security." I would not have said anything to a younger child and I wouldn't have said anything about the parents to an older child.

 

If the mom had reacted to me in the way that you described, I would have called security.

 

If the child was 12 or 13 or older, I would have called security first. I have been instructed by my husband not to engage teenaged boys, to just call security/the cops on them unless he is there.

Edited May 9, 2010 by Mrs Mungo

[StephanieZ]

:iagree:

If the child was under 5 or 6, I would have said to the parents-"excuse me, your child just spit on me, that is disgusting! You should take care of that before someone calls security."

 

If it was a child 6-12 or 13, I would have said "did you just SPIT on me? That is completely disgusting! If I see you do that again, I will call security." I would not have said anything to a younger child and I wouldn't have said anything about the parents to an older child.

 

If the mom had reacted to me in the way that you described, I would have called security.

 

If the child was 12 or 13 or older, I would have called security first. I have been instructed by my husband not to engage teenaged boys, to just call security/the cops on them unless he is there.

[eternalknot]

 

So how do YOU handle disrespectful kids? I am not usually like that, But to get a loogie hacked on you?? Just not right!

 

My instinct would probably be to spit right back. I'd hope as a mother, though, I could do better than that. I don't have great impulse control, so who knows.

 

I'm petite and look very young. Most kids 13+ are the same size or larger than I am. I have no problems giving them a "come on, are you serious?" look and telling them to knock off whatever they are doing. Most will kids will stop, ... after they do that one last one, and make sure I see it ::rolls eyes::.

 

I've only had a few parents engage me, and I've stuck to the facts: "Look, man, your kid spit on me. I'm not going to ignore that." They can threaten or complain all they want, but I just keep repeating my thing ad naseum. I'm incredibly stubborn, so this comes easily :D more easily than impulse control LOL.

 

I'm so sorry you experiened that. Ick! You were right to not let it go.

[Dandelion]

That's disgusting... I realize many boys go through a spitting phase, but WOW... Can't believe the parents not only failed to stop him, but then got on your case about saying something!! No wonder he does this - he seems to be screaming for his parents to set some limits for him and take control.

 

I think Mrs. Mungo's take on differing responses depending on the age of the child is a good one. However, I think the way you handled it was just fine. Someone needed to say something....!!!

[mcconnellboys]

Um, I would have done more than that. I would have called mall security. Tuberculosis is back on the rise again and can be spread through spittal. Other diseases may also be spread through spittal.

 

Perhaps folks have forgotten old ordinances that outlawed spitting in public in many places (largely due to the tuberculosis scare). I'm sure these ordinances are still on the books in many towns and could be enforced.

 

The mouth is the dirtiest part of the human body and so spittal if full of all sorts of bacteria, etc. No, I would not go for anyone of any age spitting anywhere near me......

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm afraid that I would have stopped, told him to get a napkin or paper towel and to clean it up. Of course it would have gotten the same response from the mother, but that's what I would have done.

[mom2jjka]

If they were teens, you could call the police and they could be arrested/prosecuted.

 

Spitting is considered assault.

[Laurie4b]

I think that spitting is considered assault. I think if I'd gotten that reaction from the mother, I would have called the police (unless it was a real young kid, then I might consider calling CPS given the mother's reaction. "Inappropriate supervision" is a form of neglect in most places and she is promoting delinquent behavior.)

[OrganicAnn]

Yes I've heard that too that spitting can be considered assault. That is what I would have told the parents.

[RoughCollie]

If they were teens, you could call the police and they could be arrested/prosecuted.

 

Spitting is considered assault.

 

I would have gone into the nearest store and asked the clerk to call mall security, given the clerk my cell phone number, and gotten right back out there to follow the kid so the security guard could find him.

 

This was battery, not assault, since contact was made with the victim by the actor. A battery is a harmful or offensive touching of another. An assault does not involve offensive contact -- it is the act of putting another in apprehension of a harmful or offensive contact.

 

So a threat to hit X is an assault, and the actual hitting of X is a battery. If someone knows that I don't want to be tickled, and they say they are going to tickle me now, that is an assault. If they succeed, that is a battery.

 

This is the common law, which has been preserved in most state's statutes.

Edited May 10, 2010 by RoughCollie

[OrganicAnn]

Assault with a deadly weapon or I was assaulted. Implies contact. I guess it must be a legal definition.

[elw_miller]

If the child was under 5 or 6, I would have said to the parents-"excuse me, your child just spit on me, that is disgusting! You should take care of that before someone calls security."

 

If it was a child 6-12 or 13, I would have said "did you just SPIT on me? That is completely disgusting! If I see you do that again, I will call security." I would not have said anything to a younger child and I wouldn't have said anything about the parents to an older child.

 

If the mom had reacted to me in the way that you described, I would have called security.

 

If the child was 12 or 13 or older, I would have called security first. I have been instructed by my husband not to engage teenaged boys, to just call security/the cops on them unless he is there.

 

I love reading your posts! You always give great advice. :)

 

This is a very interesting thread; I'm enjoying it (and learning from it--I need to do more than just try to ignore horrible behavior like that when I encounter it).

[Mrs Mungo]

I love reading your posts! You always give great advice. :)

 

This is a very interesting thread; I'm enjoying it (and learning from it--I need to do more than just try to ignore horrible behavior like that when I encounter it).

 

It is a difficult line to tread, I think. I am no longer "allowed" to engage teen boys for a reason, which shows that it is much easier to think it through after the fact.

:glare:

[lionfamily1999]

"Excuse me?!? That's disgusting." And then wiped it off on him or his mother. I do have to say though... if someone spoke to my child like that I'd have gone off too.

 

I don't know, but if I saw a kid spitting on people, I wouldn't be walking anywhere near that kid!

Touche! :lol:

[RoughCollie]

Assault with a deadly weapon or I was assaulted. Implies contact. I guess it must be a legal definition.

 

The implication of contact is the general usage of the word. No contact in the legal definition of this legal term. I was surprised when I found that out.

 

Assault with a deadly weapon occurs when one pulls a gun (for example) on someone to threaten them, but does not shoot or hit the person with the gun. Once they shoot, that's another charge.

[IsabelC]

If a child whom I didn't know behaved as you describe, I would take it up with the mother or other adult caregiver, not the child. If the mother reacted in an offensive or abusive way, I'd complain to the security guard or whoever had the authority to remove them. I wonder was the child behaving like that because of some kind of disability, or whether the parent simply didn't judge it to be something she ought to address? I try to avoid being too judgmental about how people choose to handle their kids' behavior in public, but I don't think it's acceptable to just stand there allow a child to spit on other people, whatever the reason.

[susankenny]

My instinct would probably be to spit right back. I'd hope as a mother, though, I could do better than that. I don't have great impulse control, so who knows.

 

 

this made me laugh outloud!!:D

[tricia]

Wow that's crazy. My dad told me he pulled up to a gas pump and was filling his car when in the car next to him this kid yells out the window, "hey mister, f*** off." For no reason whatsoever. I personally stay away from the mall but on our date nights my husband will sometimes ask me if I want to go to the mall and watch the freaks.

[twilkin]

I guess I can't say that if someone walked up to one of my kids and yelled at them for doing something wrong I wouldn't go all mamma bear on them. I wonder if the mother would have done something about it if you had talked to her first about what her kid did? I do think you were right in saying something though, if we just stand by and allow that kind of stuff to happen, what kind of society would we have?

[Impish]

How old was this kid?

 

I think I would have confronted the parent, not the child..."You want to pay some attention?! Your child just spit on me, and is spitting on others!" The response after that would dictate what I would do next.

 

A pp suggested perhaps the child had a disability. That's why I'd talk to the parents.

 

Blows my mind that the parent would a) see the kid spitting and do nothing, and b) flip out when the kid was called on the behaviour.

 

What, everyone should tolerate being spit on? Give me a break.

[creekland]

I'd have done what you did - corrected the child (assuming all looked normal except the spitting) - then confronted the parent. We've done that before when it's warrented (parents not controlling their own children).

 

I'm a ps substitute teacher that maintains behavior in my high school classrooms, so I suppose it comes as second nature to me. That said, I can only think of a couple of times where it's happened and neither time did I care that the parent got upset with me (kids were destroying things that didn't belong to them). For what it's worth, the parent did change in both cases too - at least for the immediate future.

 

Generally it's kids without parents nearby that need to realize others do care how they act. A word or two to them can make a huge difference in their behavior.

[Mejane]

Somewhat related... I was walking at one of those outdoor malls and there was a group of teens, including one girl, standing and spitting on the sidewalk. I walked by, looked directly at the girl and said, "Your parents must be so proud." One of the boys gave me lip, so I told him I was going inside to report them. They took off immediately. You should have seen the walkway, disgusting. :glare:

 

Agree the boy may have some type of impairment. We had such a boy in our hs group who used to spit on the kids.

Edited May 10, 2010 by Mejane

[calandalsmom]

Its interesting you assumed he was disrespectful. I might have assumed he was cognitively impaired

[Penelope]

Its interesting you assumed he was disrespectful. I might have assumed he was cognitively impaired

 

:iagree:

 

And I would not speak to him directly unless the child was over 9 or so. And then it would depend on if I thought it was deliberate or whether there might be something "off" about the kid.

 

This could be very poor parenting, it could be a kid goofing off and his parents need to correct it. But let them do it. It is not a kid at church or a scheduled activity or even on the playground, it is random strangers walking past in a mall.

 

The OP never said how old the child was but if it was a 5 year old I, too, would be upset if a stranger decided to sat something to my child instead of me. A 5 year old might not truly understand the connotations of spitting-- I mean, they might have been told not to do it, but not truly understand the offensive connotations it has to an adult.

[lionfamily1999]

I looked at him, and told him how disgusting it was to spit on people,

This would garner the "I told you so" look, directed at ds from me, assuming this was some sort of situation that we'd been addressing. I can't imagine letting ds spit on people, but for the sake of coversation...

told him even if his parents didnt care to take the time to correct his behavior I did because I refuse to allow MY KIDS to learn such behavior.

That would tick me off. This is my child thankyouverymuch, any adult that wishes to approach my child needs to approach me first. I don't allow other adults to correct my children in my presence, the same way I don't allow them to give my children things. If I'm there, then you need to go through me, period. Also, if the anger is with the parents not caring, then it should've been spoken to the parents. You don't blast someone's parents, especially not a child's, and if you take issue with their parenting then you tell them about it, again, not the child.

---------------------

Then the mother promptly loooks at me and say DONT YOU TALK TO MY SON LIKE THAT.

I can believe it. Although I'd have been more tempted to laugh, mutter "pot, kettle" and move on.

 

How old was this kid?

 

I think I would have confronted the parent, not the child..."You want to pay some attention?! Your child just spit on me, and is spitting on others!" The response after that would dictate what I would do next.

----------------------

Blows my mind that the parent would a) see the kid spitting and do nothing, and b) flip out when the kid was called on the behaviour.

 

What, everyone should tolerate being spit on? Give me a break.

 

I agree with you on a, but not b, and totally agree with the first part. I went ahead and used the OP's dialogue to point out why. It's not so much that other people should put up with it, as it is that these things should be addressed to the adult. It didn't sound to me as though we were speaking about a teenager, it sounded like a child, in which case the adult should confer with the adult if there's going to be a discussion on parenting.

 

Then, I'm against parent bashing to children under nearly every circumstance. In this case, it was gross and saying so to the child (in simple language) is fine and dandy. The parental issues should've been expressed to the parent. It's hard enough growing up with crummy parents without having people yell at you about it.

[Orthodox6]

The child may have been "special needs", as has been suggested. The mother's reaction, then, should not have been that of a untrammeled 2nd grader on the playground. Experienced moms of special needs children have well-rehearsed responses for strangers. They also pay attention to what their children are doing.

 

Hence, I incline toward assuming the boy was garden-variety brat.

 

My friend was in a store recently, and experienced a similarly disengaged parent. A young boy, "armed" with a spatula grabbed from the kitchen supplies department, suddenly whacked my friend very hard in her back. She, however, was so startled, she only could sputter in disbelief as the imp ran on.

[Laurie4b]

The child may have been "special needs", as has been suggested. The mother's reaction, then, should not have been that of a untrammeled 2nd grader on the playground. Experienced moms of special needs children have well-rehearsed responses for strangers. They also pay attention to what their children are doing.

 

 

 

Exactly. And even if the child had special needs, that is no reason for spitting at strangers with the responsible adult doing nothing. I've worked at multiple institutions with all kinds of kids and adults with disabilities (ie quite severe since they were in residential treatment) and in no case would that behavior have been allowed to pass on a field trip or at the residential treatment site without staff intervention and discipline. The consequences would have been significant. (This is for elementary aged kids and up. It would be different with a preschooler in terms of the level of discipline)

[Purpledaizy]

IMO, utterly ridiculous behavior shouldn't recieve anymore than a statement of consequence. A crisp "do it again and you can explain yourself to security," coupled with an evil glare. Kids who act like this do it for attention. I won't give it to them.

[Impish]

I agree with you on a, but not b, and totally agree with the first part. I went ahead and used the OP's dialogue to point out why. It's not so much that other people should put up with it, as it is that these things should be addressed to the adult. It didn't sound to me as though we were speaking about a teenager, it sounded like a child, in which case the adult should confer with the adult if there's going to be a discussion on parenting.

 

Then, I'm against parent bashing to children under nearly every circumstance. In this case, it was gross and saying so to the child (in simple language) is fine and dandy. The parental issues should've been expressed to the parent. It's hard enough growing up with crummy parents without having people yell at you about it.

Again, depends on the age of the child. If this child was 7+, they are old enough to know better than to spit on ppl. A toddler, not so much.

 

If the child was special needs, then the parent should have been doing something about it, rather than ignoring the behaviour.

 

There's no excuse to allow your child to spit upon others. There just isn't. One way or another, you, as the parent, deal with it, even if it means picking the child up and leaving. To expect others to blithely carry on and not react to your child gobbing on them is ignorant and ridiculous in the extreme. Not only is it disgusting, its a public health issue!

 

I'm basing my reaction on the OP, which stated the parent was aware of the behaviour, but ignoring it without any attempt to intervene. If the parent were doing anything at all, my take would be far different.

[Ester Maria]

A crisp "do it again and you can explain yourself to security," coupled with an evil glare. Kids who act like this do it for attention. I won't give it to them.

That would have been my response, if the child was school-aged.

 

If the child was younger, I would have said to the parent that young children are not supposed to be put into public situations which they cannot handle with common manners.

[lionfamily1999]

Again, depends on the age of the child. If this child was 7+, they are old enough to know better than to spit on ppl. A toddler, not so much.

 

If the child was special needs, then the parent should have been doing something about it, rather than ignoring the behaviour.

 

There's no excuse to allow your child to spit upon others. There just isn't. One way or another, you, as the parent, deal with it, even if it means picking the child up and leaving. To expect others to blithely carry on and not react to your child gobbing on them is ignorant and ridiculous in the extreme. Not only is it disgusting, its a public health issue!

 

I'm basing my reaction on the OP, which stated the parent was aware of the behaviour, but ignoring it without any attempt to intervene. If the parent were doing anything at all, my take would be far different.

My point was simply that the parenting issued should have been addressed to the parents, not the child. Like I wrote, I would never let my son spit on someone and the ejaculation 'disgusting' was understandable. I just don't think that anyone has any business yelling at a child for their parents' inability to parent. Those comments should have been addressed to the adult. So, I understand why the parent would've gone off.

[calandalsmom]

Frankly the OP gave very little useful info. For all we know the kid might have been "motor boating" while sitting in a stroller based on the OP.

 

Regardless I dont think loudly rudely chastising a kid is likely to help society in any meaningful way.

[AnitaMcC]

You did it just right and good for you.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[pqr]

Regardless I dont think loudly rudely chastising a kid is likely to help society in any meaningful way.

 

 

I strongly disagree. Chastising a child, in public, can work and perhaps most importantly it can send a lesson to other children in the area that behavior such as this will not be tolerated.

 

Our reluctance to vocally correct children for behavior such as this is one of the reasons that children behave so badly. If a child did that to me he would be the target of much of my wrath as well as the parents. Unless I saw real contrition on the part of the parents for their child's behavior security would be involved.

 

Society needs all adults to stand up to poorly behaved children.

[LibraryLover]

I think we need to bring back public stockads.

 

There should be a Young People Night.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think we need to bring back public stockads.

 

There should be a Young People Night.

 

I think just bringing back good, old-fashioned butt-kickings would help a lot. We should have a "he needed a butt-kicking" defense. It used to straighten up a LOT of attitudes.

[pqr]

It used to straighten up a LOT of attitudes.

 

It STILL DOES straighten up a lot of attitudes. Alas it is becoming less used.

Edited May 11, 2010 by pqr

[Mrs Mungo]

It STILL DOES straighten up a lot of attitudes. Alas it is becoming less used.

 

This is what I'm saying. It's one area where we can totally agree. I'm in favor of necessary-and-not-too-brutal-butt-kickings as attitude adjusters.

[Penelope]

 

Society needs all adults to stand up to poorly behaved children.

 

Don't forget the poorly behaved adults. I think we should loudly chastise them, too.

 

Shame them into behaving better. :tongue_smilie:

[Penelope]

This is what I'm saying. It's one area where we can totally agree. I'm in favor of necessary-and-not-too-brutal-butt-kickings as attitude adjusters.

 

By the parents? Or by dogooders observing badly behaved children in the mall? :D

Edited May 11, 2010 by Penelope

[Mrs Mungo]

By the parents? Or by dogooders observing badly behaved children in the mall? :D

 

Both. :tongue_smilie:

[TxMama]

Regardless I dont think loudly rudely chastising a kid is likely to help society in any meaningful way.

 

I agree totally with this!

 

My response would've been, "Spitting is inappropriate. Where are your parents so we can discuss this." Yelling at the child is just stooping to their childish level.

 

I've only rarely been in a situation where a simple, "Where are your parents so we can discuss this." hasn't totally resolved the issue. People as a whole do not deal with children's misbehavior in public and it is a shame. However, there is no need for yelling, talking about parenting issues and claiming that your own children are incapable of making bad judgements. IMHO.

 

I would have responded in the same manner as this parent. I do not yell at my children and neither will you. By all means, address concerns with me about my child's behavior and they will be addressed but I will not deal with an out of control adult who is talking to me or my child in such a manner.

[Guest janainaz]

Every situation calls for discernment in response. Some kids have been born into a living hell and their behavior shows, so while it is acceptable to correct them, it must be done with the utmost grace and love.

[LibraryLover]

I think just bringing back good, old-fashioned butt-kickings would help a lot. We should have a "he needed a butt-kicking" defense. It used to straighten up a LOT of attitudes.

 

 

I just appreciate that you understand my typos.