If your husband became a convert to homsechooling ...

[Jenny in GA]

I know this has been touched on before, but I really wanted to hear specifically from people whose husbands have been "converted" to being homeschooling believers (or if you're still trying!)

 

We've been doing this for three years now, and my husband still says things here and there about being concerned that the kids aren't getting a good education, or not "keeping up" with the public schools. (Although they are definitely less frequent and antagonistic than they were 2-3 years ago.)

 

Curious what helped "win" your husband over, what you did to address his concerns, how long it took ... or if you're still working on it!

 

Jenny

http://beanmommyandthethreebeans.blogspot.com/

[Giraffe]

:bigear::bigear::bigear:

[babysparkler]

A "trial period" of one year was what changed his mind. I convinced him that a year won't set our dc back too far "if it doesn't work out". It only really took a couple of months until he was completely on-board :001_smile: after seeing how much the kids were enjoying it, learning, and growing closer to one-another. (It also didn't hurt that the school they were coming from was completely incompetent.)

Edited April 22, 2010 by babysparkler

[Mergath]

I also talked my husband into a trial period of a year (which we haven't even technically begun yet, lol) after telling him for quite some time why homeschooling is better. What finally convinced him, however, is when we found out that dd will probably have special needs. I explained to him how badly sn kids are treated in a lot of schools, and he agreed immediately.

[Rosie_0801]

As you know, we haven't started school yet; we're only doing tot school. I spent two years telling him all the great stuff I was reading about homeschooling and all the dreadful things about the education system. He was working as a new teacher during that time and started coming home with stories just so I could say "yay for homeschooling!" He really wouldn't care if the kids went to school, but he's starting to come out with comments about how glad he is I'm reading certain stuff (like Outliers and Growing up Global) and *sometimes* even says how good it is that we'll be homeschooling! Give it a few more years and I'll have co-ordinated a full conversion, mwahahahahaha!

 

He doesn't know much about the ins and outs of my ideas, despite the time I spend earbashing about it all. I think when Zia gets to school age he'll start asking lots of questions, realise he has heard all this before, then subside back into the attitude that no one who that much time thinking about it could bugger it up too badly. He's been a teacher, so he doesn't have them up on a pedestal. After that, I predict questions will only come out when his mother is being snarky.

 

Rosie

[texasmama]

I didn't ever get a tremendous amount of opposition from dh about homeschooling, but for him, any lingering doubts have been erased by how very well our children are doing in all areas - socially, academically and emotionally. It is hard to argue with the "proof in the pudding". Any testing which has been done (or informal evaluation) puts my kids above grade level in math and reading. That is hard to argue with. I have one son who struggles in one area (and has a learning disability), but dh points out that he would struggle in this area no matter what schooling option was chosen for him. So true.

[Forget-Me-Not]

My husband didn't ever really need convincing--he was fine with PS or HS. But John Gatto changed him (well both of us really) from saying "If we ever to HS" to "WHEN we HS".

[forty-two]

I spent two years telling him all the great stuff I was reading about homeschooling and all the dreadful things about the education system.

:iagree:

 

That's how it worked here, only I actually started trying to convert dh before we even had kids :tongue_smilie:. I read several education blogs, and I'd mention any particularly good pro-homeschooling or anti-public school item when I ran across it - stuff that would resonate with him. I got a lot of mileage out of examples of zero tolerance idiocy ;). That helped normalized the whole concept; by the time dd3.5 was born, he was totally on board with hs'ing, though he isn't nearly as anti-school as I've become. But while the continual low-key commentary made hs'ing seem like a reasonable, "normal" choice, what really sold him on *us* doing it was the flexible schedule (as dh is a pastor, and his schedule doesn't match well with the school schedule).

[sparrow]

My husband didn't ever really need convincing--he was fine with PS or HS. But John Gatto changed him (well both of us really) from saying "If we ever to HS" to "WHEN we HS".

 

:iagree: Dh had background in punk rock, so he had already been interested and exposed to "anti-establishment" thinking and the thought that school was just churning out little "worker bees". I read Gatto when ds was about 2 years old, handed it over to dh, and here we are 8 years later, still homeschooling :D.

[Lara in Colo]

DH usually lets me make all the parenting decisions. His largest concern was for me and my sanity, also about finances. I will probably never go to work (I sometimes work for him though). I really feel this is what God wants us to do, so we have faith that He will help to finance this adventure. I started this year with a VA, next yr my 2 older will be with me, but two younger will be VA (mainly because they let us use the computer and pay internet). Hopefully by the time I want to HS all four myself, we can afford to buy a computer. DH has his faults, but he really does trust me to make the the better parenting choices.

 

Lara

[mooooom]

I dragged him to a homeschool info night. There was a teen panel that we sat in on, and he was so impressed with those teenagers who looked normal, were personable, could speak to adults and people of all ages, in English... that he became an instant convert. I like to think that my kids became those kids, but they are actually a bit shyer, and probably wouldn't speak in a group setting like that. Oh well, at least they are well educated.

[keptwoman]

I convinced DH to let me try for 6 months. Two things convinced him

1/ The change in C, both emotionally and educationally

2/ Listening to John Taylor Gatto at a conference

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

My oldest ds was in 1st grade and everything was awful. We had a teacher who couldn't control the classroom and didn't have a clue. She told us in April that ds had somehow missed Writing everyday for the entire year! He either went to the bathroom or the nurse. Nobody told me he was going to the nurse because he wasn't really sick. He also never completed a math sheet, he just sat quietly until math period was over and she never checked!! Our ds was also bringing home bad language from a boy in his class. I talked my dh into a Year's Trial, telling him how it couldn't hurt, and that I couldn't do worse than that teacher. I also kept inviting people who homeschooled over to our house so dh could see that some homeschool kids are normal. He was really worried (hope no one's feelings are hurt) about the boys who wear glasses and read books for fun. He thought by homeschooling our sons might be kind of "wussy." This is totally dh's opinion not mine at all!! :tongue_smilie: Well, I have a friend with 5 boys and they are all very rough and tumble. My dh loves her boys and likes that they are homeschooled too.

I also told him about all the activities I would do. Part of his conditional agreement was that I join a co-op, so the boys are in a class setting at least once a week.

 

Good news: This is our 3rd year soon to be 4th year Homeschooling! DH was totally won over and really enjoys the extra time with the kids. I have given my oldest ds CAT tests every year to prove that his scores are at least average.

[May]

My dh saw day by day dd was gaining more self confidence and she was much happier. I also did standardized testing after our second year and she scored at least two years above grade level in all areas. That was what he needed to see.

[Peela]

Trial period of 6 months here...he was converted within 2 weeks I think it was. Pretty quickly.

 

If your dh isnt convinced after 2-3 years...maybe some standardised testing might keep him happy? He probably needs to see the kids in relation to their peers in some way.

 

My dh is not an academic person and he was conviced homeschooling was the best option more for social and self esteem reasons than academic. He trusts me to keep the academic side afloat- whether his trust is always warranted, I don't know, because it IS hard to know how they are doing compared to their peers if they arent in some sort of situaiton that makes it clear. And also...my dd is a fairly top student..my ds is not. So, ds not one of those homeschooled students who would necessariyl do well on testing or if put back in the school system, so comparing him is not reasonable. We keep him out of the school system so we can cater to his individual needs and protect him from the negative side of the system.

 

A friend of mine - husband of a homeschoolng mum- said to me the other day that it has always been clear to him that the homeschooling was for his wife, not the kids. His two bright girls would have done perfectly well in the school system- probably private schools. It may sound unfair but I totally understood what he meant and could relate to it too..and I suspect many of our husbands see something simlar. Homeschooling is to a great extent for us the mums- we get so passionate and obsessed in it, and it feels so noble to sacrifice our careers etc for it...the side benefit is that it also usually benefits the kids so it is easily justified.

So not every dh is going to be convinced it is the best option. Mine was because he related to my son's learning difficulties and struggles in the system, and he didnt want his son to go through what he went through. So, in a way, he was comign from his own wounding (since dh was in a catholic boarding school where he was beaten every day and ds was never going to be in that situation) and I made it work in my favour because I wanted to homeschool. I wanted to be the main influence in my kids' lives, and I felt it was a cause I could devote myself to it.

[juelle]

A friend of mine - husband of a homeschoolng mum- said to me the other day that it has always been clear to him that the homeschooling was for his wife, not the kids. His two bright girls would have done perfectly well in the school system- probably private schools. It may sound unfair but I totally understood what he meant and could relate to it too..and I suspect many of our husbands see something simlar. Homeschooling is to a great extent for us the mums- we get so passionate and obsessed in it, and it feels so noble to sacrifice our careers etc for it...the side benefit is that it also usually benefits the kids so it is easily justified.

 

 

I wanted to be the main influence in my kids' lives, and I felt it was a cause I could devote myself to it.

 

I think this is a huge factor for us, and I love how you put it.

 

This is our first year of hs. I had begged and prayed for 10 years, and dh was finally willing to give it a try. If anything, I think he sees how much happier I am. He sees the nutso-ness at the ps, but that wasn't enough for him. I pray now that he is willing to continue because of the joy the kids and I have about our new way of life.

[Jennefer@SSA]

My dh was never completely opposed to homeschooling but said we would only do it through 2nd or 3rd grade at the very latest. So I just prayed.

 

And several people who dh trusts have said things over time that got him thinking. One friend he trusts teaches music in a local high school. This guy is intelligent, thoughtful and very even keel - not prone to overspeak or dramatize. He told my dh after what he has seen in the past several years of teaching ps high school that his kids would never.ever.for one second set foot in a public school.

 

Another friend told us some of her struggles with her son in our local ps second grade. The boys were speaking to one another at a birthday party about wanting to see some "girl on girl action" In second grade. :confused:

 

Yet another shared about her dd's abysmal prep for college at the local hs.

 

And lots of other conversations that have occurred without my saying anything at all. In our case it needed to come from outside b/c dh knew that my heart was falling in love with homeschooling more and more the further we continued down this road and I would've said just about anything to convince him to keep going. :D

[Jenny in GA]

Trial period of 6 months here...he was converted within 2 weeks I think it was. Pretty quickly.

 

If your dh isnt convinced after 2-3 years...maybe some standardised testing might keep him happy? He probably needs to see the kids in relation to their peers in some way.

 

 

Yes, I think that it is exactly what he wants. We will do the CAT for the first time next month. IF their scores are high, I think that will help. If not ... well, I don't know!

 

Interestingly -- because I never hear anyone else say this -- part of his concern is because of a couple homeschooling kids we know.

[mom2jjka]

Sending my children to school....

When Dh saw what school had done to my son, and the peer pressure on my DD (in 2nd grade already) he couldn't wait to bring them home.

 

Even at a private Christian school my children still experienced thing like:

 

DS getting a time-out on his first day of kindergarten because he had to go potty really bad and he ran to the bathroom. The teacher wanted to make an example of him, so had him sit with his head on his desk. He came home bawling.

 

My (peanut allergic) son was ostracized and made to feel bad because the other kids couldn't bring in their favorite treats for his birthday, yet his teacher sat at her desk eating trail mix with peanuts ... if she had touched my son he could have had an anaphylactic reaction.

 

My second grade daughter was already being asked to choose what clique she wanted to be in, and told that she 'could not' play with the girls in the other group. They were also starting to 'pair up' and choose boyfriends. DD was told to pick a boy she liked. She said boys were gross, so she got picked on.

 

She also heard stories about pregnant teenage siblings and siblings in jail. :glare:

 

But mostly Dh changed his mind because we watched my son go from a happy, energetic, outgoing boy - to a sad, withdrawn, anxious child with NO self-confidence. School sucked the joy right out of him. His teacher told us he had no friends, no social skills and that he needed counseling.

Yet when we'd go to the park he could walk up to any kid, strike up a conversation and have an instant 'buddy'...

 

 

While I'm sad that my kids had to go through all of that - it really did make an impression on DH and show him that the kids thrive so much better at home.

[Saille]

My dh works in the media, which periodically takes him into public schools for events. He began to notice, after we'd been talking about homeschooling, large discrepancies between what was being taught and what our oldest was already interested in and learning about on his own. He began to see how commercialized kids' interests were, and how the school environment seemed to enable this. In the end, he concluded that we were going to have bored kids, followed by a reduction in the scope of their interests as they adapted to ps life.

[Anne in CA]

When dd#1 (my step daughter) was in second grade there were serious problems and I brought up homeschooling casually, dh flipped out and I dropped it because I wasn't really interested in the possibility, I just mentioned how well it seemed to work and he got upset.

 

Dh was a very liberal Dem at that time and believed that ps was the only way to socialize children, even though he had a poor experience himself. He was sad that the kids didn't go to daycare, he thought daycare was the best way to raise children.

 

At the end of 4th grade dd was doing so poorly that he realized sending her back to the same school next year was just out of the question. We couldn't afford private school so we said we would keep her home and work with her for a year to get her where she needed to be and then send her back. During that year she did too well to send her back. The next year I read The Well Trained Mind, so we had a better plan and we kept going.

 

That was 12 years ago and our younger children have always been home schooled.

[MrsBasil]

My son is still very young, so we're still in the someday we want to homeschool phase.

 

I spent time telling him great things I'd read about homeschooling and some of the not so great things I'd read and heard about our school system.

 

This will make us sound horrible, but one of the things that got him on board was when our school district decided to cut recess to one 15 minute per day session. We really thought kids under 12 needed more play time. :tongue_smilie:

 

Then the schools cut art, music, and science to basically nothing and began requiring all classes in all schools throughout the district to be on the same lesson/same page each day. There was no room for a class to be behind or ahead. :confused: Teachers were reprimanded if their class read a book faster or slower than the schedule called for!

 

He has worked jobs with non traditional hours and I pointed out how nice it would be that his seeing the kid wouldn't be dependent on the school schedule, but ours.

 

We both have reservations. Friends, high school, and he worries that I'll need more of a break. We're convinced we can do it, but we're still having discussions about what the best options are.

[Just Robyn]

My dh has never been totally against homeschooling, but not totally on board either. He came with me to the Ohio convention and after listening to many of the speakers he started to really understand that homeschooling is about a better education for our children, not just about me fulfilling my own desire to spend more time with them. Of course I told him that, but he had to hear it from someone else I guess.

[MomLovesClassics]

My husband did a complete turnaround. He admits the children are thriving, and would not have the same advantages in public school. The words "government school" was in a story we read recently. He was tired and didn't want to read a story last night, so he pretends this is the story,"Government schools are bad, if I were you I would not go to a government school. The End." And it was funny the way he said it and the way he rattled on and on. I never though he would say something like that.

[ScoutTN]

We are just beginning but things which have helped DH be for it,

very much on order of importance:

 

1) Talking with other HS dads/husbands

2) knowing various other HSing families, including those with college age kids

3) a little reading

[prairiegirl]

My dh and I agreed before our kids were born that we would homeschool. Then reality hit and it bothered my dh that the kids didn't have many friends. He realized that they were going to miss out on the 'school social stuff.' To my way of thinking, it's not much of a loss but my dh had a great time at school and thinks everyone else did, too.

 

About four years ago, he started throwing out hurtful comments that we should put the kids in school to get a 'real education.' He would say things about the kids being geeky because they hs'ed. I didn't say a word. I just prayed and prayed and prayed.

 

Two years ago, our dd, who was 8 at the time, spent the day with her dad and his 18yr. old hired man. She spent the day talking with the hired man about Shakespeare, palindromes and Greek Mythology. My dh told me about his day and I could tell that he was proud of our dd. He told me then, that he supported my homeschooling the kids and he could see that the kids were getting a very good education.

 

I didn't have to say a word. The proof was in the pudding.

[Rhonda in TX]

DH has always been against public school, so wanted the kids in private school. When DS's Asperger's made that impossible to continue (in 3rd grade), he agreed to try homeschooling. We haven't looked back. :)

[Night Elf]

My DH became a staunch supporter of homeschooling within the first year. He was very hesitant to take our then Kindergarten-age son out of school. After a few months, DH made a point to tell me how proud he was and that it was likely one of the best things we'll ever do for the children. He's been sharing the news about homeschooling since then. We've homeschooled for 9 years now.

 

My DH has always seen me research curriculum to the point of obsession. He has sat down with me and gone over catalogs and materials. He knows that the educational materials outside of school are way more than what's in school because we get to pick the materials and not get stuck with whatever the school is currently going gah-gah over.

 

In other words, my DH has been a part of this since our first year. He did expect our homeschooling attempt to fail and was positive we'd be enrolled our son back into school for 1st grade. But by that time, he had changed his mind completely. :)

[ChemMommy]

I dh was only slightly opposed to hsing, despite being hs'd himself as a missionary kid. He is just in the mindset of "all kids go to ps starting at age 5." His was more of a mindless, follow-the-Jones kind of opposition.

 

I got him to agree to kindergarten at home because even he could see that our son would be bored silly in public or private kindergarten, and would probably be a discipline problem.

 

Our first year was NOT great academically. We floundered and weren't faithful to do school every day. Thankfully, my dh didn't judge me on that! Thanks, dear!

 

In 1st grade, we started SL and my dh got hooked on the read alouds. He loved reading real books to the kids. He was totally hooked on the children's History of the World that SL was using at that time. He likes history and realized that in ps, the kids would hear NONE of this until junior high.

 

Then, the next kid joined the school and he saw how neat it was for the kids to learn together and to become friends.

 

Finally, our 3rd child was very ill during this time period and he loved how we could pack up school and take it to the hospital. He loved how the kids were all there to support the sick one.

 

He had agreed to hs until 2nd grade, but by the end of 2nd grade, HE was the one talking about what we were going to for 3rd grade.

 

By the time we'd finished up 4th grade (our 5th year of homeschooling), HE was totally on-board with going through 12th grade for all of them!!!

[iquilt]

Mine was a little stunned that I brought it up and wanted to pull our then dd5 from K after two months, but he listened to me over the long Thanksgiving weekend tell him everything I had researched and why I thought it was a good idea. He agreed with me by Sunday and Monday morning she stayed home with us while he returned her one library book (only allowed one from school anyway) and mailed our paperwork to the school super. That was 3 1/2 years ago. K registration is coming up on Tuesday for our youngest and I get to have a party at home instead of going through all of that again. He was convinced that I could do a good job and that I was open to re-evaluating at the end of K. By the end of K with our first he was so convinced we both attended a local homeschool convention to scope out curriculum and plan for beyond for all three of our dc.

 

I think what really cemented the deal for him was seeing how well it worked for our family and how much easier it has been for us to have family time when we want to, not when the school tells us we can. He does not work 8-5 M-F and was missing out on a lot, never could make school functions nor could he be home to eat dinner with us. Now we school on his schedule, we all have breakfast together, he can take one kid to work sometimes, etc. The proof was in the pudding, in his case.