No thank you helping?

[Carpe Diem]

I have an extremely picky eater (4 yo) who doesn't have any sensory issues that I know about.

 

He just likes to eat junky kids food like hot dogs. I try to improve his diet within his parameters such as making whole wheat pancakes, nitrate free hot dogs, whole wheat mac and cheese, etc.

 

He does eat good foods but his diet is probably very lopsided. He would live off a bowl of cheerios (without sugar). He rarely eats what we eat for dinner.

 

It has become a problem especially when we travel. Also, I am concerned for his health.

 

My plan is to begin to insist that he have at least one bite of every food item I serve for dinner. Would that be so bad?

 

Anyone try this? I know it WILL be a battle. I know some feel that food should not be an issue which is why I probably have let him get his way with regard to eating. Any BTDT? Any suggestions?

 

Thanks.

[Carol in Cal.]

A mild case can make food tastes, smells, and textures torture for kids.

I have one like that, and I have had to walk a very fine line. I expected to insist on her eating everything that we did, but she has always been very thin and I am sensitive to the potential for failure to thrive and even eating disorders. I have always made sure that she eats a good, balanced diet. When she was young, every meal or snack had at least 2 of of the big three food groups--carb, protein, and fruit or veggie. No dessert type snacks without 'real' food first. Whole grain everything--bread, tortillas, pita bread, crackers, cereal. (Except Spaghettios.)

 

She finally started to be able to branch out when she was about 12. I'm glad that I walked that fine line with her earlier. She would be bulemic now if I had done what you're suggesting.

 

Having said that, what you're suggesting is truly reasonable for most children, and really does them a favor by expecting them to broaden their horizons and also to eat what is put in front of them. If they can do that, they are much better off. I just told my story to caution you to be sensitive to your own child.

[bookfiend]

When my boys were small, I used to put everything that was part of the meal on their plate, including dessert, because I didn't want to ever make food a reward or a punishment. We gave them very small portions of everything. Once it was all gone, they could ask for more of anything they decided that they liked. Oh, I guess, except dessert. We had a rule of "one treat a day".

[Melinda in VT]

I am right there with you, although my 4 yo son won't even eat most kid junky foods. (No hotdogs, chicken nuggets, tacos. Sometimes I can get him to try a small bite of hamburger.)

 

We are starting to crack down on him as well.

 

He needs to try at least one bite of something else before he can have the bread at dinner. One small slice of cooked carrot. One teeny bite of steak.

 

Most days it works. Some days he chooses to go hungry. Even if there is a treat at the end of the meal if he eats it.

 

He does seem sensitive to smell (he complains about how the food on my plate smells) but I can't say he's sensitive to taste or texture, because most of the food he won't eat he has never even put in his mouth.

[stormy weather]

My plan is to begin to insist that he have at least one bite of every food item I serve for dinner. Would that be so bad?

This is my policy. One bite. Don't like it.:ack2: Fine, no probs.

Sometimes they even like it.

Tonight we had curry. Dexter tried, didn't like it and ate yogurt and a glass of milk. No fight!:D

Dee loved it! She even added Sriracha Hot Chili sauce to hers! :lol:

IMO it isn't unreasonable or cruel to ask(non sensory issue) kids to try new food that you have prepared for your family.OTH if they are freaked about it I wouldn't want to ruin dinner/family time with a big fight.

[SonshineLearner]

We kinda do this. You can let them count to say... 5 or 10 and then let them spit it out in the sink. It gets on their taste buds... but shouldn't make them gag.

 

;)

[SonshineLearner]

Oh yes... freshly milled whole wheat flour.. in things like homemade cookies. If you make bread, at least a half a slice with peanut butter?? It's easy to pack bread..... Or.. if not that... like Great Harvest bread? Our Great Harvest uses freshly milled flour. I feel better about the rest of my son's diet.. because I limit sugar... and he gets freshly milled whole wheat flour products..... I feel better ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

So if he rarely eats what you have for dinner, what is he having then? In our house, whatever is for dinner is what we have for dinner. Not everyone likes all the dishes equally. So we get to serve ourselves how much we want of each dish. And some dishes that I consider more of an acquired taste (spicy things, mushrooms, shrimp. . .) are optional. But I do ask my kids to have some source of protein, some veggies or fruit, starches I make optional since my kids tend to eat too much of them anyway. I've always done this even for my sensory challenged ds. And now, he is starting to serve himself more of the optional stuff too.:)

Edited March 10, 2010 by Jean in Newcastle

[bookfiend]

Oh, I forgot this - my husband vetoed the idea, but I think it's great. My friend's children get to pick one food they never have to eat. They can choose to change it every so often if they like.

[Mrs Mungo]

So if he rarely eats what you have for dinner? What is he having then? In our house, whatever is for dinner is what we have for dinner. Not everyone likes all the dishes equally. So we get to serve ourselves how much we want of each dish. And some dishes that I consider more of an acquired taste (spicy things, mushrooms, shrimp. . .) are optional. But I do ask my kids to have some source of protein, some veggies or fruit, starches I make optional since my kids tend to eat too much of them anyway. I've always done this even for my sensory challenged ds. And now, he is starting to serve himself more of the optional stuff too.:)

 

I more or less agree.

 

There are a few things my kids don't like.

 

Eldest dd does not like cooked spinach but will eat it raw. She also doesn't like mushrooms.

 

Middle dd does not like iceberg lettuce but eats all other greens.

 

ds does not like fish.

 

Because they eat almost everything, I give them a pass on the handful of things that they don't like.

[Garga]

I dislike these threads. People whose kids are not picky come into these threads and post saying things like "MY son always eats anything I put in front of him. The monkey brains went over particularly well last night. Sniff." Drives me nuts.

 

I have an unbelievably picky eater. Maybe he has sensory issues? I dunno. How does one find out if their child has sensory issues? I tried to get him to eat one elbow macaroni noodle and he puked it up. That was just the beginning. He's done it about 4 more times since then. When I tried to make him eat one bite of new foods, we had to have a bowl at the table for him to retch into. Yeah. That only lasted a week or two before I got tired of having a puke bowl at the dinner table to catch puke.

 

I used to eat ramen noodles for breakfast, a tuna fish sandwich (on white) for lunch, and spaghetti for dinner in my teens. Every day. The same three foods. (Unless I was at Bob's Big Boy where I got the chicken fingers. Every single time. The waitress knew what to bring me when I walked in the door.)

 

My friend ate toast for breakfast, peanut butter and jelly for lunch, and (oh-I can't remember, but it was just one item) every night for dinner. (She would get the BLT at Bob's Big Boy. Every time.)

 

Neither of us had eating disorders, other than being picky.

 

I ate mostly Captn Crunch (with crunchberries) for breakfast, lean cuisine ravioli for lunch, and tuna helper for dinner for most of my 20's.

 

Now, in my 30's, I eat a much bigger variety. And I'm just about never sick and never have been all along. In fact, last time I was sick (a year ago) my doctor's office didn't believe I was still their patient because it had been so long since I last visited.

 

So, while I worry about my own son's health, I realize that I hate horribly growing up and am healthy as an ox. I try not to worry about my ds too much. I also give him V8 splash to drink to get his fruit and veggies for the day. (He doesn't eat ANY veggies or ANY fruit.)

 

Sigh. People without picky kids just don't get it. My son will puke up anything he doesn't like. I don't want to create an eating disorder by forcing him to eat. He's on the skinny side, but not too skinny. The doc says he's healthy. I give him his hotdogs and ramen noodles and call it a day.

Edited March 10, 2010 by Garga

[Joanne]

Sigh. People without picky kids just don't get it. My son will puke up anything he doesn't like. I don't want to create an eating disorder by forcing him to eat. He's on the skinny side, but not too skinny. The doc says he's healthy. I give him his hotdogs and ramen noodles and call it a day.

 

I hear you. Really.:grouphug:

 

I hate these threads, also. My perception is that there is always an onslaught of posters who excuse eating issue, see sensory isssues everywhere and can not fathom that pickyness can be *created*.

 

It's tough because I *value* a child/human being able to go to a restaurant and eat from a variety of options or to a pot luck or to someone's homecooked meal.

 

I've had several seemingly picky kids come through my daycare. At Mom and Dad's, they eat an extremely limited diet (usually junky kid food). At my house, a significant percentage of them ate what I served, without complaint or puking after the first week of firm, kind, non punitive "eat this or not".

 

I also think that kid/junk foods have an element of messing with the natural development of palate and food desirability. I believe there is a chemcial component involved in the fact that picky eaters usually crave similar foods:

 

french fries

nuggets

white pasta

hot dogs

etc.

 

But to offer more understanding to your thought, my oldest is picky. He's 15 and finally eating a variety I'd call normal.

[TCoppock]

After having food issues with my DS at a very young age I started hiding nutrients in other foods. We frequently add cauliflower in mashed potatoes, peas in beans and rice, green beans and spinach in spaghetti sauce, and a spoonful of squash in OJ. You name it, I hid it. I know some parents will disagree with this method, but it got my son over a hump.

 

When my son was a little more mature we started the one bite rule. Now he is 10 and eats what is for dinner. We have had many talks over the years regarding a healthy diet and he knows I am serving what is best for him. It was funny one day I had made a vegetable soup and he told me, "Mommy I really don't like this soup, but I know it's healthy, so I'm going to eat it." He also requests green smoothies and asks to help pick out new "healthy" recipies to try. All that to say, I guess I didn't scar him for life by hiding veggies in other food. Do what you feel you have to to get the nutrients in them. Good luck!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have an extremely picky eater (4 yo) who doesn't have any sensory issues that I know about.

 

My plan is to begin to insist that he have at least one bite of every food item I serve for dinner. Would that be so bad?

 

Anyone try this? I know it WILL be a battle. I know some feel that food should not be an issue which is why I probably have let him get his way with regard to eating. Any BTDT? Any suggestions?

 

Thanks.

 

The OP asked a specific question of people who have BTDT. I have BTDT with a picky eater with sensory issues. And yes, he has thrown up at the table numerous times. As the OP asked, I shared how we dealt with it. I think that's great for others to share how they've dealt with it differently or in a similar way. But I do not think that the OP was asking for people to chastise those who deal with it in a different way than they do. Let the OP decide what is best for her child, and her family.

[cougarmom4]

My dh grew up in a family where they had "No, thank you" helpings. I didn't. In my opinion, politely saying "No, thank you" means I'd rather not have any tonight, but thank you for offering. I've never understood the idea of letting a child say that, but then making them try the food anyway.

 

Now, having said that...I'd have no problem with the concept if it was phrased differently! So there's my probably not so helpful suggestion....call it something else! :D Maybe something positive & full of alliteration or about a favorite character...a Tiny Taste of This & That...or a Big Girl Bite of the Day...or Buzz Lightyear's Taste of the Night. I don't know. Maybe I'm just weird.

 

I think it makes sense to put a small spoonful of a new food on a child's plate and expect them to try it and be respectful about it. I always try to have at least one or two things that I know my littler ones will eat well, so they can fill up on that. I also often prepare a plate of several fruits/vegetables and say they need to try at least two different kinds. (This way the one who hates broccoli can eat the tomato & carrot, while the one who hates tomato can eat the broccoli & pineapple). As they get older, it helps to talk about 5-a-day and have them counting them up, too.

 

Not too long ago, when I was trying to get dd2 to try something new, I mentioned at the dinner table that I had read somewhere that it takes trying a new food ten times before someone will grow to like it. A few mintues later, ds7, says, Mom, that didn't work. He had cut his zucchini up into ten bites...eaten all ten and he still didn't like it. ;)

[Dawn in OH]

My husband instituted the "No Thank You Bite" rule before we even had children together (he has children from a previous marriage). Eleven years ago, before becoming a mother myself, I thought it was kind of cruel. I see it differently now. There are actually many foods that our kids now eat because they were made to take that "No Thank You Bite" and they ended up liking the food.

 

In fact, you might get that same "No Thank You Bite" more than once, several months apart. Our oldest now LOVES salad. A year ago he rolled on the floor screaming and turning red over a bit of lettuce.

 

This has worked well for us. It can be a PITA when the kids are little or when the concept is new. But eventually they learn that this is how it's going to be so I better shut up and just take my one bite. Like everything in parenting, it's about consistency. You can't skip it one night because you just don't feel up to the drama, because the next night, the drama will be twice as bad because the child feels that last night, he won.

[Carol in Cal.]

...she had an actual diagnosis of sensory issues. She was 'resistant' on the sensory scale, and this led to her walking very late, hating to go barefoot, not wanting to play in the sand, etc. when she was a toddler and preschooler. I worked with her a lot, and you would not know now that she had had that trouble. But the food issues lingered beyond the rest of the symtoms, and at the time I could not find an occupational therapist that offered any treatment or suggestions for that set of issues.

 

It was really difficult. I was raised to 'clean your plate' and not to know whether I was hungry or tired. I wanted DD to like a lot of different kinds of food, as DH and I do--we are very adventurous eaters. But she really had just a few foods that she could choke down. I offered her others, and sometimes insisted that she eat them, and these attempts tended to end in vomit. She was the same way at other people's houses, and since she is not all that hungry to start with, it was not to hard for her to just turn down food politely and wait until she could have some that she liked. She would make food projects in preschool and then not eat them. Her teacher gave me a picture of her with one of those projects, and the caption was, "I made this myself! Isn't it great? I don't have to eat it, do I?"

 

I was very insistent, completely insistent, that she eat a healthy, balanced diet, and beyond that I occasionally implemented a 'try something new every week' rule for periods of time. DD did not have the option of eating the sort of 'normal junk food' that other kids did--she was not allowed to fill up on chips or sweets or anything like that. The only really fast foodish thing that I let her eat was the occasional bag of French fries, and mostly that was so that she could power in some calories. She was on the 3-5th percentile for weight for most of her life, and I could not push other 'normal' foods on her without risking failure to thrive. So I made sure that she had a very nutrient rich, healthy diet with little junk food during these times, and had a lot of little discussions about how this is kind of limiting and I want her to find the courage to make herself take tastes of things that she is concerned about. I also encouraged her to help me make dishes even if she would not eat them. And we ate in the garden--I planted things that she might eat raw, and made sure that she had casual occasion to do that.

 

I agree with Joanne that these behaviors can be 'created' to some extent. I have to say, though, that in our case it was a nail biting experience for me all the way down the line, and I'm so relieved that she seems to be growing past it to some extent, finally. And she has truly convinced me that she has had a genuine issue. It would have been so much easier and more fun for me if she had been able to eat the variety that I enjoy so much. Maybe some day we will share this together.

[Carpe Diem]

Thank you to all who have replied. Also, I am sorry if my thread touched a nerve for some. I didn't mean to upset anyone. I know there certainly are children who can only stand to eat a limited amount of food items due to sensory issues or other unknown reasons.

 

I don't think my son falls into that category per se. I think he just likes what he likes and isn't concerned to try other things. Although, he use to be a very good eater. He would climb over a person to get to quacamole (sp?) as a toddler. Salmon. Loved it. Just somewhere he was exposed to SUGAR and kids food and everything else fell by the wayside. He loves sea salt and vinegar chips. I know a lot of adults who can't stand them. I think he is limited due to when he won't try. He tried the chips and liked them.

 

Jean asked what does he eat for dinner. He usually eats cheerios. Unless there is something else in the fridge that he likes such as hot dogs.

 

I do have J. Seinfeld's wife's cookbook...about sneaking in food. I almost blew his ability to eat pancakes because I tried the sweet potato puree in them. I might revisit that to try a few other items.

 

I think I understood what Garga was saying by her experiences with wanting to eat certain foods. I am like that I guess. I usually eat the same breakfast. Order the same item that I know I like when out to eat. At my first job, I ate the same lunch everyday (some Healthy Choice meal that makes me cringe now for a variety of reasons) for a year. I recently discovered that I like Feta Cheese. I never even knew what it was!

 

My parents forced me to eat everything they served. I hated it. I hated peas. To this day I do not like peas. Except....if they are from a garden and are fresh. My Mother is not a very good cook and the meals were limited. I never even heard of a taco salad until I was in college.

 

My thought was just to have one bite. Not to have to eat a huge serving. I wouldn't make him try something overly unusual like anchovies. My older children both have foods they don't like. I don't make them eat those but they have tried them to know that they don't like them. For example, when making a pizza or a salad, we are careful who gets which toppings.

 

Again, thanks for your time. I will carefully try my new idea. I hope it helps him to just experience more foods and maybe discover he likes others.

[Cera]

I am an incredibly picky eater and the parent of an incredibly picky eater. We just revamped our meal rules as of Jan 1 and it is working surprisingly well.

 

If I serve something that I am certain the kids won't like (palak paneer for example) I will not insist they take a bite (they had peas and rice with turkey and cheese rollups). If I serve something that I think they might like (chimichangas last week) I insist they try a bite. If they don't like it that is fine and they are welcome to have more of the remaining parts of the meal.

 

Nobody gets a separate meal. I make sure that there is at least one thing they will eat and they can fill up on that if they want (some days they just eat carrot sticks or corn). If it is a soup or something combined they can get parts of the meal separate (for chimichangas the youngest ate a wheat tortilla with melted cheese and shredded chicken).

 

I have found with my picky eater (and with myself) that the more she tries something the more likely she is to accept it. There are certain things I dbt she will ever eat but there are plenty that she won't eat because it is easier for her to insist she hates them and get a bowl of her beloved rice krispies. Once I took that option off the table and insisted she eat the same food or type of food as the rest of the family she slowly developed a (grudging) willingness to try.

 

I will warn you though that the first week under our new rule was ugly.

[MelanieM]

My neighbour has what she calls "love bites". She tells her kids that she cooked a meal for them with love, and that they need to take x number of love bites in return. (x=child's age) She says this works well in their home, but I know she also started it from the time they were toddlers, which I'm sure makes it easier!

 

My daughter is extremely picky and has a very limited diet. We have had some succes with 'hiding' foods (I think of it as enriching a food), such as spinach and carrot in tomato sauce, but sometimes she sniffs that stuff out, so I have to go verrrry slowly with the additions. I also jump on things she likes and try to find similar alternatives.

 

I find that raw sweets (i.e. raw chocolate pudding, raw cookies, smoothie popsicles) are usually a hit around here. It's packed with nutrition so I feel great about the kids eating it, and it's a yummy sweet treat so they aren't likely to resist. Muffins made with whole wheat and nut flours and carrots, bananas, or zuccini are good options for us as well.

 

We do not force bites, though I have been known to lose my mind a little and do it occasionally when something is so close to another favourite that I can't possibly see why it should be turned down. (I do not suggest losing your mind over food, however.)

 

What has worked best around here is having my daughter cook the food. A couple of weeks ago she prepared dinner with my husband and they made baked chicken coated in popcorn, green mashed potatoes (potatoes with avocado) and corn. She *shocked* me by eating all of it without us needing to extend the invitation to try anything. If I had cooked this without her she would have resisted, absolutely. Especially over the green potatoes!!

 

Best of luck to you. Picky eaters can be a challenge, to be sure!

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

This is my policy. One bite. Don't like it.:ack2: Fine, no probs.

Sometimes they even like it.

 

 

 

:iagree: At our house, you have to at least try everything that is on your plate. I'm not going to force them to eat anything, but I do want to expose them to lots of healthy food choices.

[abbeyej]

I think it's a very balanced approach. I have one child who *loves* food and eats everything -- and one who has really struggled with pickiness. She has always liked strong flavors and spice, but she loathed vegetables. For her, the approach of *tasting* everything we serve at each meal and not getting special accommodations has worked well. (I'm also completely certain she has no sensory issues.) At four, meals (especially dinner) were really tough for her. At eight, she *can* eat just about anything, and she can happily find something to eat no matter where we go -- which, indeed, makes travel and eating out much easier and more pleasant for all. And while her ideal diet would be various combinations of white flour, sugar, and butter, she has come to appreciate healthier foods and has a very good diet over all.

 

I have never intentionally cooked meals I knew she would hate. (Though certainly there've been elements to many, many meals that I knew she would not be thrilled to see.) But I also never cooked around her preferences or gave her alternatives to what we were eating. I do try to serve veggies she hates less more often than the ones she really can't stand. ;) If she wanted an additional serving of grains, she had to eat more bites of her veggies, etc.

 

If there were just one or two individual foods she couldn't stand, I might have been more accommodating. If someone thinks bell peppers are a punishment worse than death, I don't care if the bell peppers discretely get left behind on the plate. ;) But for dd, she really didn't want to eat *any* vegetables or try anything new... Her own diet would not only have been very limited, it would not have been healthy or balanced at *all*.

 

Our basic rules were... You don't have to like it. You don't have to eat it. You may *not* be rude to your parents / the chef by saying how much you hate the food or making ugly faces or noises in response to it. Your meal is what is served at the table. You begin with a small serving of everything. If you would like more of a particular food (rice, say, when other foods on the table include salmon, sautéed spinach, blueberries), then you must eat some small quantity of each of the other foods first for balance.

 

But I think requiring (non-allergic) children to *taste* each food served at dinner is really the only way they *will* learn to eat a variety of foods. I'm not a monster about it. ;)

 

But it *is* easier to have kids who will eat a variety of healthy foods. We can travel and not worry about the kids finding something, and I don't have to worry too much about the occasional junky meal 'cause I know that overall they eat well.

 

PS- I should add that my kid-who-will-eat-anything was severely allergic to a number of foods when he was younger. Now he has outgrown pretty much all of those but tree nuts. But given that I had to be so careful about what I cooked and served so that he wouldn't quit breathing, I just didn't have the time or energy to cater to a child who only wanted white flour, butter, and sugar as well. ;) I *needed* my kids to be flexible about eating because all of my food-prep energy was spent making sure our foods were *safe* for ds.

[~Kirsten~]

Well, I agree with a few other posters that this becomes a touchy and difficult subject. But I'll (tentatively) add our experiences, just to encourage you.

 

Our oldest has always been incredibly picky. I do believe she has some general sensory issues and definite sensory/food issues, and both DH and I have texture issues with certain foods (we were both very picky as children; I'll eat most anything now, though there are a few foods I won't prepare due to texture). Where we might be different is she loves yogurt. Loves it! That is always a fallback option in our home. At 3, she basically only ate bread, peanut butter, cereal, yogurt, and a few fruits. We always had the 1 bite rule, though. If it wasn't a very spicy meal, she ate a bite of everything, and THEN had the right to say, "No, thank you. I don't care for any more of that right now." She had to be polite. She was not allowed to express disgust over food (verbally, that is; there would still be occasional gagging, which I don't count as expressing disgust). I'll be totally honest: there were screaming tantrums sometimes. Many times.

 

But. She will now, at almost 6, eat many kinds of meats (beef, pork, and chicken), a few fishes including salmon (but not tuna), cheese, pasta, rice, and almost all fruits and veggies. We have our days when she rejects something that was okay. We have our days when she chews a bite of something 70 times and dinner takes over an hour. She is definitely still very skeptical of food that looks or seems different from the "norm" in her mind (she rejected a new pizza on our last pizza night because the shape of the crust was "different." Seriously.).

 

I think it's possible to help a child grow to know and enjoy new foods. I think it can be very, very, VERY difficult. We talk often about how it takes many times of eating new foods before our taste buds acclimate. I grew up, as a picky child, with no choice on what I ate. I had to eat everything, not clean my plate, but I didn't have a choice. I hated vegetables passionately, but I HAD to eat them. As an adult, green beans are one of my favorites, but I ate them thousands of times before I could tolerate them. So we talk about that at dinner. We're matter-of-fact about food, and we do allow our girls to choose yogurt if they don't care for what I'm serving. I love the idea of "love bites," and if I had it to do over, that's how I'd phrase it. The notion that someone has prepared food lovingly and you must accept the gift lovingly and graciously, even if you don't like it, appeals to me.

 

But really, I feel your pain. I think junk food can be a factor in the problem, but in our case, that really wasn't it. So I don't believe that's the only factor. Hang in there!

[Cammie]

Perfect timing...I spent a 1/2 hour trying to get DS 4 to eat ONE raisin tonight. With NO success. This was to balance out the 4 bits of PB sandwich he had which was the fall back meal from the chicken he refused.

 

:banghead:

 

 

I don't know what to do. He sounds like all the others - has a handful of foods he eats - PB, Nutella, chicken (except tonight), Mac N Cheese, Pizza and whatever spicy junk he can get his hands on.

 

I guess I just wait for him to outgrow this??

[dhudson]

We have 2 picky eaters and one not so picky. Our rules are, "A bite to be polite" and then you may refrain except for the raw vegetables (salad or I make a raw veggie plate with homemade ranch dressing) of which you must have two things. When the kids were young, I would put this plate of veggies on the table while I was making dinner and they could snack off it. That worked great and I was then less worried about what they ate at dinner after they had eaten raw veggies. Oh and for us, if you don't eat what I made too bad. I saw my Mom battle that for too many years to want to make separate dinners.

 

If they really hated something, they did not have to eat it. My oldest hates raw tomatoes and they make him gag so that's one things he doesn't have to eat them.

 

At our house, if you eat all of your dinner, you may have a treat. At lunch they have to pick a fruit or veggie and a protein to get a treat.

Edited March 10, 2010 by dhudson

[Rhonda in TX]

I think that is very reasonable. In fact, I would have him eat a bite of each food every time, even if he had it before and didn't like it. Sometimes they just have to get used to the taste of a food.

[DarlaS]

I think that is very reasonable. In fact, I would have him eat a bite of each food every time, even if he had it before and didn't like it. Sometimes they just have to get used to the taste of a food.

 

:iagree:

 

There are kids who would never voluntarily try new foods. They do not always have sensory issues. I believe my oldest is one of those sensitive kids (It's textures mainly). He is still picky, but does try new things now that he's 16--and beginning to cook a bit more himself. I know when not to push it though.

 

His (dear sweet) younger brother helps in the kitchen also, and is the designated meat-handler because "I know this will gross him out and I really don't mind...". Maybe when they move out, they'll be roommates. :lol:

 

I ask mine to take two bites of a new food. They can be *tiny* bites--but there must be two. My reasoning is often the second bite of anything unfamiliar tastes a bit better--when you're no longer expecting the worst! :D (ETA: I still don't do this with my 16 yo. He is the only kid who ever threw up at the table and due to other incidents beyond food, I know his issues are REAL.)

 

I can think of several things my now 6 yo will now willingly eat due to this method. It just took him time to get used to something.

[Tap]

We have dealt with this with all 3 kids over the years.

 

When ds15 was about a year old he loved a variety of foods. Then over a course of a year, he stopped eating many of his favorites. Over time we figured out that he was allergic to almost all vegetables. :confused: With him, we figured out that he knew that they were making him sick (maybe his mouth itched?) so he self regulated. Due to this we never made him eat anything. He now eats a very healthy diet and while veggies are not his favorite, he will eat a small portion of what ever I serve him. It didn't hurt him to have a few years of few veggies. When he was little he also Loved ketchup and would eat almost anything with it on it. He hated Anything spicy or anything with pepper, so I would sometimes save him a serving of food before I added pepper to it.

 

DD11 doesn't like anything mushy, gritty or grainy. No cream of wheat, guacamole, canned pears etc. She also prefers for her veggies to be raw instead of cooked. If I am serving carrots, she just grabs a raw one and puts it on her plate instead. LOL She has always loved strong flavored food. Chili was her favorite food at 9mo. She also loved spicy food, and would dip her pizza in red pepper flakes at 2yo. She doesn't like anything with a lot of cream (ie fettuccine, mayo) or melted cheese (casseroles etc.). She was harder to feed, but honestly her dietary requests were healthy, so I never argued. She doesn't like her food to touch so foods like tacos are served in piles around a plate and she eats them all, one-by-one. :lol: I figure her requests are easy enough to accommodate, so I do. If she wants to continue eating that way as an adult...I don't really care. She is polite at friends house's and will eat what is served. The only problem she runs into and has a hard time getting around, is that she doesn't like a lot of salt, and it seems that most people must eat a lot more salt than we do. She also loved A1 sauce and still eats it with ALL her meats.

 

DD3 is a different story. She loves salty and sweet foods. She would live on chips and candy if I let her. She will eat unusual combinations of food and since she has a dairy allergy, her dinner is often different than ours anyways. As long as she is picking relatively healthy foods, I let her pick her own meals most of the time. For breakfast today she had natural ham (no chemicals), garlic dill pickles, and plain soy yogurt. :ack2: all at one time. :lol:

 

 

Honestly, I think you need to decide what works best for your family. If it is important to you that he expand his palette, tell him that and ask him for suggestions. He may surprise you with a solution. IF not then maybe try to figure out what it is that he likes about certain foods, and dislikes about others. Talk through trying something new, and that just because he tries it, it doesn't mean he has to like it. Allowing him to dislike foods is fine, but I try to get my kids to verbalize specific details about what they like and don't like about foods. This is how we figured out that dd11 would eat veggies raw. She didn't like the mushy feel.

 

I agree with other posters about letting the kid help cook. It can be as simple as adding some fruit to a blender with yogurt for a smoothy. Or grating a carrot. It seems to engage them with the food, and lets them get used to it before they eat it. Another thing dh and I used to do, was casually talk about the food while we eat it. We didn't push food onto the kids, we would let them have what they wanted, but sometimes they would ask to try something just because they heard us saying how good it was.

[creekmom]

What has worked for us.. give child a very small plate with an extremely small helping of everything you prepared for the meal (maybe 1 teaspoon at the most of each food!) Before he can have seconds of anything, he must eat everything on his plate. Keep in mind, a very small plate with just a teaspoon of each food is very "doable" to a child. I think the problem comes when the child eats 2 pieces of bread, the mashed potatoes, and is then left looking at a huge portion of vegetables/meats that he isn't even hungry for anymore. If every item is laughably small, he won't balk at cleaning his plate and asking for seconds. Again, give him a teaspoon of each food, and when he clears his plate again, he's welcome to have more. Also, you may have already done this, but cut out snacks between meals so he's good and hungry at meal time.

[hornblower]

He does seem sensitive to smell (he complains about how the food on my plate smells) but I can't say he's sensitive to taste or texture, because most of the food he won't eat he has never even put in his mouth.

 

I am a 43 yo person and I still SMELL all food before I eat it. I can tell if I'll like it from smelling it. There are certain smells, certain restaurants which make me gag before I'm even in the door. I couldn't even eat plain crackers from my own purse inside there because the smell is so nauseating to me.

 

So I'm writing to BEG you to not dismiss smell. It is much more powerful than taste - in fact taste is almost all smell, which is why everything tastes bland when you have a head cold and why wine tasters stick their nose in the glass before sipping.

 

For me the smell of the food tells me pretty much all I need to know.

[Melinda in VT]

I am a 43 yo person and I still SMELL all food before I eat it. I can tell if I'll like it from smelling it. There are certain smells, certain restaurants which make me gag before I'm even in the door. I couldn't even eat plain crackers from my own purse inside there because the smell is so nauseating to me.

 

So I'm writing to BEG you to not dismiss smell. It is much more powerful than taste - in fact taste is almost all smell, which is why everything tastes bland when you have a head cold and why wine tasters stick their nose in the glass before sipping.

 

For me the smell of the food tells me pretty much all I need to know.

 

Thanks for adding your perspective.

 

I try not to dismiss his sensitivity to smell, but I do refuse to leave the table during dinner because he doesn't want to smell my food. (We don't have any empty seats so there's no way to give him more space without someone leaving.)

 

And I don't think the sensitivity to smell explains the bulk of his pickiness. For example, he'll eat spaghetti and meatballs, but not meatloaf or hamburger. Do the meatballs smell that differently? And he'll eat spaghetti and meat balls, but not any other kind of pasta-and-tomato sauce combo.

 

Cheese pizza is fine, but cheese sandwich or cheese quesodilla is not.

 

He'll eat french fries (when given the rare opportunity) but not any other form of potato, even tater tots.

 

Rice is fine. And refried black beans are fine, but black beans and rice is not fine.

 

So my desire to be sensitive to his needs is fighting with my desire to see him develop coping skills to function in the world of real food.

 

Any suggestions?

[Cera]

Can you rename things? If he will eat meatballs maybe he would eat meatball slices (instead of meatloaf). I have found that presentation is at least half the battle when it comes to feeding my picky eater.

[Melinda in VT]

Can you rename things? If he will eat meatballs maybe he would eat meatball slices (instead of meatloaf). I have found that presentation is at least half the battle when it comes to feeding my picky eater.

 

You'd think that would work, wouldn't you?

 

Sadly, this child is a little too perceptive for his own good.:glare:

[hornblower]

Any suggestions?

 

a few:

 

-have him prepare the food with you. Have him make the food you know he likes so he becomes familiar with the ingredients. Then he can see how those same ingredients could be put together in some different ways which might still be yummy.

 

-watch cooking shows together. My kids both were inspired to try some things because they saw them prepared on a few shows.

 

-try serving new foods or new combinations outside. I know people say food tastes better outside because it's associated with fresh air and play and being physically active and hungry....for me it sometimes tastes better because the smell is lessened

 

-are you seasoning your meatloaf and your meatballs exactly the same way? Again, I'd make a big batch and have him help you & divvie it up into two different batches. I suspect though that they don't taste the same; even if you seasoned them exactly the same, I think the cooking method is different & the result is different (I don't know - I don't eat meatloaf or real meat meatballs....I'm just guessing) After all isn't that the point of the two recipes - same ingredients but different tasting result? If you can tell the difference b/m meatloaf and meatballs then it's reasonable to have a strong preference for one over the other.

 

-I like cheese pizza but I hate grilled cheese sandwiches. Somehow when it's sandwiched in, it tastes very greasy and unappealing. OTOH, I like ungrilled cheese (havarti, gouda etc) sandwiches just fine. Cheese has so many different flavours & the flavour does change when it melts and it differs whether it melts open faced or with something on top. I love pasta but hate pasta salad. There are lots of things that really change when you mix them up & sometimes it's not for the better :D

 

 

I'm sorry I'm probably not being very helpful because I'm picky too :lol:

 

We are a family of 4 and there are only about 7 meals which we ALL eat. My strategy involves preparing a variety of things & doing a bit of buffet and a bit of leftovers. Ds for instance doesn't like salmon but 3 of us do. When we're having salmon, it's always the day after we had a dinner ds likes so he can have the leftovers while we have our salmon.

 

I sat down & made a big list of meals. I asked every person individually what they liked most and what other meals they would eat even if it wasn't their fave. Made a big chart, considered the ingredients and tried to stagger our meals. I usually don't put food on people's plates - I just put a variety of things on the table & people pick what they'll have.

 

I personally do not believe in forcing kids to try things. I was one of those kids made to sit at the table with cold food right through until bed time and it did nothing to endear cooked carrots and spinach to me. I loved those things raw though & if my mom had just put them aside before cooking them, I would have gobbled them up. I never saw the point of that ...... and I still don't really like cooked carrots or cooked spinach though I'll occasionally eat them.

 

You've mentioned a # of good things that he will eat so I personally would not worry too much. Make the list of all the meals, all the veggies (specify raw or cooked), all the things like for ex. hardboiled egg or omelette which are fast & easy to prepare alternatives to your main meal. Get him involved in shopping (growing food is even better - everyone seems to love peas right out in the garden) and get him involved in preparing. Talk a bit about nutrition and about how we need certain ingredients but really I think the key is to just not make this a battle.

 

The other thing is to stop buying things you don't want him eating. Like I buy crackers once every 2 weeks and when they're gone (usually in 3 days) they're gone. Too bad. No crackers. Have something else. Do stock up in things he will still eat (like toast or whatever) but make whatever you think is not so healthy just not be there anymore.

[Catherine]

Raised similarly, two eat everything under the sun, the third can barely stomach any normal foods. At 13, I see some definite easing of his difficulties, he eats chili now and a few soups that have vegetables mixed in, but his palate is still extremely limited compared to normal kids.

 

I read a book once called How to Get Your Kid to Eat, But Not Too Much. It was very helpful. Although I will say my ds would sometimes go for two meals completely with no food because he preferred that to actually trying something he couldn't stand. And, to be honest, I see mild eating issues, because he occasionally hoards treats, hiding them in his room, and this really worries me. It's difficult to handle!

[FO4UR]

I have an extremely picky eater (4 yo) who doesn't have any sensory issues that I know about.

 

He just likes to eat junky kids food like hot dogs. I try to improve his diet within his parameters such as making whole wheat pancakes, nitrate free hot dogs, whole wheat mac and cheese, etc.

 

He does eat good foods but his diet is probably very lopsided. He would live off a bowl of cheerios (without sugar). He rarely eats what we eat for dinner.

 

It has become a problem especially when we travel. Also, I am concerned for his health.

 

My plan is to begin to insist that he have at least one bite of every food item I serve for dinner. Would that be so bad?

 

Anyone try this? I know it WILL be a battle. I know some feel that food should not be an issue which is why I probably have let him get his way with regard to eating. Any BTDT? Any suggestions?

 

Thanks.

 

Food allergies??? You are describing my ds7 before we found out about some severe food allergies. He was too young to know/communicate that certain foods made his mouth itch and his throat feel funny. He simply refused to eat them...and eventually refused to try ANYTHING but his old trusty favorites. Your ds may not have food allergies...kids can just be picky sometimes...but I would keep that thought in the back of your mind, esp if you notice any odd reactions after exposure to the most common allergenic foods (nuts, shellfish, egg, milk, wheat....).

 

Ruling out allergies, I give my dc *very* small portions of everything I want them to eat at a meal. If they want more of one food they need to finish the rest. They always want more of something, so this works fairly well.

 

Oh - and my ds7 told me just last night that the reason he ate all of his food so well was b/c he was HUNGRY. Imagine THAT?:tongue_smilie: Give snacks carefully, and let them work up an appetite before big meals.

[cougarmom4]

"A bite to be polite"

 

I like this a lot better than "no, thank you helping"

[fairfarmhand]

I don't buy much of the "junky" foods that my kids will fill up on instead of nutritious things. I don't think you are a terrible parent to insist on trying one thing.

[Laura Corin]

In our house, whatever is for dinner is what we have for dinner. Not everyone likes all the dishes equally. So we get to serve ourselves how much we want of each dish. And some dishes that I consider more of an acquired taste (spicy things, mushrooms, shrimp. . .) are optional.

 

Laura

[Laurie4b]

One thing that was useful for my picky eater was serving the same thing several days in a row. e.g. broccolli at every meal for 9 days. Tiny taste each day. The palate adjusts.

[mlgbug]

food time use to be HELL! DD WAS CRY and be hysterical. Finially at 4 i said she was old enough and that was it. i put my foot down and fed her she ate, she no longer crys, i dont stuff her, but she has to eat dinner. thats it. usually i feed her myself.

 

yesterday she said: mommy, i dont like vegitables but thank you for making me eat them and be healthy. your the best mommy for keeping me healthy :)

[calandalsmom]

Wow, Im surprised to see the phrase "no thank you" helping bc that is what my parents called it when I was little. I was a great eater.

 

I leave my boys be. They eat pretty well but not great. My dd eats everything from blue cheese to olives. She is a riot after 2 semi picky boys. She loves to go out "just girls" for sushi (cali rolls for her).

[robsiew]

Our rule has always been "you have to eat one bite of everything or you go to bed." Sometimes, they've chosen bed!:001_huh:

 

My first two have been pretty good eaters all along. My third was very picky... many nights he didn't eat dinner. Now at age 6 he's a great eater.

 

My #4 is holding out big time! Many nights he eats only one bite of everything and that's it. I know over time that will change... eventually hunger overrules stubborness... right????:confused:

 

The only way some kids will eat healthy food is if "highly encouraged" to. It's okay to do that. You are the parent. You are responsible for teaching your child to eat healthy. Someday (I'm beginning to think it's a long way off for our #4!) you (and your child) will be thankful you stuck it out!

[hornblower]

Our rule has always been "you have to eat one bite of everything or you go to bed." Sometimes, they've chosen bed!:001_huh:

 

 

 

I would have. I wasn't allowed to go to bed until bed time. I just sat at the table tears streaming down my face, teeth clenched, plotting revenge.

 

Did you see A River Runs Through It? One character is just sitting there until the following morning.

 

You can't force food. Well, you can. Hunger strikers are sometimes tied down, and have a tube shoved down their throat & liquid nutrition poured down.

 

You can humiliate, threaten, berate, deny privileges, cuff on the head, spank, deny love. I have heard some peope do all that while calmly smiling because they think it's for the best of the child. I think it's evil.

 

 

I know over time that will change... eventually hunger overrules stubborness... right????:confused:

 

It probably won't get to that. What will overrule is probably an innate desire to win back your love and approval. And result in a lifetime of resentment and messed up feelings regarding food. Or bulemia. When you get good at this game, you can eat the food, excuse yourself and purge it all.

 

Hunger wins out in cases of war or being lost in the woods etc. I know people who were truly hungry, who shook maggots off bread and ate it, who gladly ate rabbit, or squirrel, never mind horse, who chewed grass in an attempt to ward off hunger. I don't think you can humanely get your child to a position where hunger motivates them to eat whatever food you put in front of them, no matter how repellent it is to them.

[calandalsmom]

I really would not be acually feeding a 4 yo myself. At 4 its developmentally inappropriate to do so.

[Melinda in VT]

hornblower, thanks for the suggestions. One of the things that complicates the situation somewhat is that DH is the cook in our family and he values variety quite a bit.

 

It would be easier if I knew how much was a legitimate sensitivity and how much was just DS being stubborn.

 

We used to make PB&J a dinner option for him, but then about the time he turned four he started saying he didn't like PB anymore, and we realized he was decreasing his accepted foods.

 

So we felt like the time was right to start being a little more hard-nosed about trying new foods at dinner.

 

His choices are to sit and eat without complaining about the food OR go to his room until we are done with dinner. We require a bite or two of something besides bread. Tonight, it was one bite of soup before he got bread.

 

If he doesn't eat dinner, there is no more food for the night, but we start over again in the morning, and he likes most breakfast foods.

 

We don't usually have dessert, but if we do he can only have some if he's eaten some dinner.

 

We talk a lot about nutrition and food choices and praise him when he tries a bite of something new or something that he's not crazy about.

 

And I try to avoid getting caught up in the drama. He can eat cheerfully or go to his room. I don't want to cajole every bite into him.

 

I see small signs of improvement. We made some mistakes last year and I think we've corrected to a better spot, but it's still tough. His three older siblings are great eaters. I don't know what happened with this one.:tongue_smilie: