I've lost the joy of my twins.

[cin]

We've started quiet time (yet again, great idea while it lasts, but it always seems to disappear). He goes in his room and is ordered to play quietly. Older ds goes to his room and reads. I go to my room and do whatever for about an hour (two hours on good days). We have to have some time apart, or else my patience wears out and when it's out, it's out.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

 

I still do this, and my girls are 5 & 8. Our lives are so stressed right now, well, at least mine is. Theirs is fun. OT, Speech, etc. I have the stress of getting them to their appts on time. :auto: Plus we are all confined to the car for at least 30 minutes each way. As my DH says, 3 women in 1 car is just TOO. MUCH. ESTROGEN. I'm starting to agree. Many days, when we get home, I tell them to finish school, play on the Wii or play in the playroom. I go hibernate in my room for 1-2hours. Sleep, read, compute, and/or TV. Just ME.

 

As a funny side note, one day my 5 yr old told me to go upstairs. Piper and I play better when you're not around, mommy. :leaving: Yeah, twist my arm.

[cjzimmer1]

Before I even got to the end of your post, I was thinking her twins must be 3 and then I got to your signature. The reason I know they are 3 is because I have a 3 year old and I feel the EXACT same way. Some days I have to force myself to be nice to her because I don't want anything to do with her.

 

We were up 30 minutes this morning and she whined/howled/cried the entire time she was hungry. Fine I'm working on making breakfast but it only cooks so fast. So in those 30 minutes, she pulled out a brother's card game and threw the cards all over the room. While he was trying to pick them up, she went over to his Lego creation that was temporarily unguarded because he was picking up her mess and demolished it. So I'm trying to make breakfast, comfort brother, corral 3 year old and keep 1 year old from folding all the cards up. 3 year sneaks around the corner with markers and starts coloring in everyone's homework books. And I only have ONE of them. I'm sure with twins the trouble they cause is exponentially worse.

 

I know it's a trying time but they do grow up and become likeable again.

[LibraryLover]

I get that your parenting style is quite different from my own. You value stringent discipline /obedience, whether you spank or not. And it's not even that I think children should 'run amok' without guidance. I most certainly don't. But I think you are being harsh on parents you think don't discipline in a way you value. Child care is a not a 'shame', and the idea that if one parented 'correctly' one wouldn't have any need of a break is false. I disagree with your basic premise. A few years ago, I worked in a university education program. When I met with the student child care teachers, mostly young & childless, some were very judging of the parents who used the university day care, and believed that when they had 'their own children' they would do it 'right', and not have such issues. The more experienced teachers, or those with children, really had to watch them because sometimes their attitudes towards the parents and their supposed 'wrongdoings' were not subtle. Your post reminds me of those young women (the men didn't seem to have the same concerns).

 

I don't parent thinking I can 'discipline' the normal out of a 3 yr old, or that such discipline is even healthy for my children.

 

Let's not judge the mother/parent and child(ren) who might benefit from some space and fun apart. Getting renewed energy and perspective from other good folks is something I value more than additional 'discipline' for a small child. Sometimes families push each others buttons to the point that even the most ordinary childhood behavior gets blown out of proportion. It feels like the end of the world, when all it truly is is a couple of kids taking the last of bits of your sanity as you listen to yet another discussion about who get the blue cup.

 

Getting breaks with other wonderful people in our loves-- whether those people are friends or family- is a good thing. More discipline, imo, is not the magic cure for normal childhood behavior and tired, exhausted, over-worked mothers who have little to no support, or breaks 24/7.

 

 

 

I said that if you can't stand your children, do something about it. Use discipline (I don't use "discipline to equal the word spank. I mean teach them to behave.) It is our duty as parents to make our children behave, and when do, we will be able to enjoy our children so much more. The children will be much better off.

 

I have worked in day care and preschool and I have known parents that are so happy to drop off their kids, because they can't stand their own children. That is a shame. Notice I did not say preschool is a shame. I said dropping them off because you can't stand them is a shame.

 

This isn't about whether children should go to preschool, but rather what should the OP do about her twins, and how she feels about them. Just as I would not tell someone with marital problems that the answer is to spend less time with their spouse, I don't see how preschool is the answer to the original post.

 

The phrase "drop them off somewhere" was meant to refer to dropping the children off at preschool/babysitter/Grandma. Do people say, "drop them off somewhere" when talking of garbage? I don't think so.

Edited February 5, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Mrs Mungo]

I have worked in day care and preschool and I have known parents that are so happy to drop off their kids, because they can't stand their own children. That is a shame. Notice I did not say preschool is a shame. I said dropping them off because you can't stand them is a shame.

 

This isn't about whether children should go to preschool, but rather what should the OP do about her twins, and how she feels about them. Just as I would not tell someone with marital problems that the answer is to spend less time with their spouse, I don't see how preschool is the answer to the original post.

 

 

I will agree that children need discipline. However, that isn't *all* children need. They need exercise, they need stimulation, they need friends to play with. Can you get all of that in the home? Yes, but it can be very draining. If mom doesn't have it to give at the moment, she doesn't have it to give.

It's different when you have a spouse who helps a lot or other family members to lend a hand. I never had any of that when my kids were young. My husband worked *ridiculous* hours (and was deployed part of the time) and we've never lived closer than 1200 miles to our families. I put my 3 year olds in preschool for 2 hours, 2 days a week. That isn't getting rid of them because I cannot stand them, it's getting a break from active, naturally rambunctious *children*.

[LibraryLover]

I completely forgot, LOTS OF :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

.

 

Oops! :iagree:. Here are more: :grouphug:

[Caitilin]

:grouphug::grouphug: here.

 

And, though my twins have been by far the easiest of my children, my 2 boys 20 months apart--they have given me quite the run for my money. :tongue_smilie:

 

They will get bigger and behave better, and will always have their best friend close at hand. And yes, as pp and my mother says, "small boys (and girls) and dogs need to be run 3 times a day." :)

 

:grouphug:Chin up, and have faith. :grouphug:

[Lovedtodeath]

Thanks, Christina. If we could afford this, I would definitely do this for this year.

When I put DD in preschool it was only $25 per week. :) It was 2 days for 2.5 hours each.

 

:grouphug: I have been at the point where I did not like DD at all a couple of times, and DS will be 3 in April and we are all so relieved when he sleeps.

[matrips]

I haven't figured out where the volume button is either! in warmer weather I can tell them, loud voices belong outside. inside voices are for indoors. harder in the winter to do! I find myself saying 'volume' all day; they'll catch themselves for a couple minutes.

 

for tattling/complaining to you- I put it back on them. 'who should you be telling?' yes, your sibling. okay, go tell him/her 'I don't like it when you push/hit/whatever; it hurts.' this does take practice, but if you're consistent in reminding them who they should be talking to, and help them by giving them the words to use, eventually they will do this on their own.

 

competing- ah, I've got one who is so competitive. we do love those Joy Berry books though - Help Me Be Good. I have the entire series. we've been reading the one about Being a Good Sport a lot lately!

 

there have been times when if they can't get along, I'll tell them - since you're having trouble playing together, each take a toy/puzzle/book to separate areas and play alone. I'll set a timer. they do need a break from each other. I also read somewhere that preschool age kids are good for about 25 minutes, and then, whether it looks like they need it or not, change their activity/setting/toys. it might be worth it to write a schedule for them- play 25 minutes, then color/craft, more play (get out another set of toys), read books, snack... it would mean you'd be interrupting the 5 yo's schooling to make the changes, but it might help give you blocks of peaceful time.

 

also, mine are 5 and I still have nap time for them. it's really just quiet time, but they go to separate rooms and just read/chill. they have rarely given me a hard time about going; I think they genuinely look forward to their alone time. and so do I!

 

good luck!

[lea1]

I have two four-year-old sons who are six weeks apart in age (adopted from Russia at 14 and 15.5 months of age). I thought three would be the hardest age. I had not read much of anything about what to expect from four year olds. My expectation was that four would be easier. Boy have I been surprised.

 

So far, for me, this age seems to have been the hardest. The level of activity has ramped up, as has the level of competition and bickering.

 

I am getting ready to turn 47 also, so the hormones that go along with that has not helped either. Taking breaks is definitely a requirement. I normally take a break in the evenings while the husband is spending time with the boys and then I also take an extended break on Saturday mornings, which really helps a lot. I am always happy to see them when I return.

 

My mood and my attitude definitely sets the tone in our house. If I am in a snapping mood, they snap and bicker with each other much more. I have seen them start out a day snapping at each other and bickering but if I remain kind, patient and sweet and discipline/guide/direct with that attitude, their attitudes normally adjust according.y pretty quickly. It amazes me how this works and I get so aggravated with myself if something puts me in a bad mood and I can't seem to snap out of it. I definitely need to pray about it more.:001_smile:

 

I tend to be a bit more of an introvert, which means I really need some down time by myself to re-energize. When I don't have it or the general stress level is high, it is much more challenging for me to remain patient, kind and sweet.

 

I'm hoping five will be easier.:tongue_smilie:

[Sahamamama]

Sometimes families push each others buttons to the point that even the most ordinary childhood behavior gets blown out of proportion. It feels like the end of the world, when all it truly is is a couple of kids taking the last of bits of your sanity as you listen to yet another discussion about who get the blue cup.

 

More discipline, imo, is not the magic cure for normal childhood behavior and tired, exhausted, over-worked mothers who have little to no support, or breaks 24/7.

 

Thank you, Library Lover. Thank you for expressing this so well. I wasn't going to respond to the post about my children needing more "discipline," but I've been thinking about that for a while.

 

They have plenty of discipline and training. Plenty. Sometimes too much, KWIM? If anything, my children need more freedom. My children need more space. My children need more of my energy, which is something I just don't have enough of lately. I wish I could find a way to give all this to them.

 

I'd love a nice, warm walk along the beach, but I don't live on a tropical island. We're in the frozen North (think gray, gloomy, and cold). We live in a small house -- two small bedrooms, a tiny kitchen, and a living area. We are in that little living area practically all day, every day, and it gets old after a while. Other than my parents' house, we have no where else to go. Preschool isn't an option for us, because we truly can't afford it.

 

I agree with LL that things get blown out of proportion sometimes. We are frustrated because you can't spank or talk or train or discipline the "normal" out of a three year old. Normally, I like being with my children, all of them. They are funny, cute, smart, friendly, affectionate, talkative!, and sweet. They are wonderful, and my husband and I take partial credit for that! We are not sitting on our rears doing nothing with them, if anything we are very intentional about our parenting. But that certainly doesn't mean that we don't wear out from it all.

 

Last Sunday, my husband and I were just drained (we'd all had the flu earlier that week), and he suggested staying home from church. "Are you KIDDING?" I asked him. "That's the worst thing we could do today, keep the girls cooped up in this room again. Let's go to church, put them in their classes with their friends, and sit in the sanctuary and REST!" :D

 

That's NOT dropping them off because we can't stand them, that's seizing any opportunity to recharge our batteries a bit, while our children enjoy something fun and benefit from other people's energy -- instead of having to deal with our current lack of it. Why is that a shame?

 

I don't think it is a shame.

Edited February 5, 2010 by Sahamamama

[Kathleen in VA]

I haven't read any of the other replies so sorry if this is a repeat. I did read your first post and this last one and I get how you are feeling - especially the feeling cooped up in a small space with children who need to move and run. I do not have twins but I have been in the position of having a child I dreaded seeing each morning because he was so disruptive and difficult throughout the day. I woke up each day wondering what misery awaited me and I got to be very, very negative about my whole approach to parenting. One day I read in a book - can't, recall the title, just a general homemaking book - that mom sets the tone for the household and that I needed to take the bull by the horns, as it were, and force myself to be optimistic and cheerful. The book suggested that moms should greet each member of the family every day as though they were truly delighted to see them and to give each child a welcoming, cheerful hug first thing each day. I cannot tell how hard that was the first couple of weeks, but things had gotten so bad that I felt compelled to at least try it.

 

Whenever said child emerged from his bedroom and made the trip down the hallway and to the living room (we live in a very small house, too) instead of cringing and feeling like running in the other direction, I purposed to say, "Good morning, son, (with appropriate pasted smile), is that my cutie little boy?" and open my arms and just snuggle him for a minute. I determined to do this each morning and I don't know if he just matured during that time or if my efforts truly paid off, but he did transform into a much sweeter and more obedient child.

 

Now he and his little sister still squabbled and bickered, but our home became much more peaceful after I forced myself not to dread seeing him each day, but rather embrace him and welcome him cheerfully. My feelings eventually lined up with my behavior and now he is a dear sweet young man who seems to be more concerned for my welfare than any of my other children. My other four are sweet, too, but they are not near as attached to me as this one. Kind of weird, actually.

 

Anyway, you could try it. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't hurt and it might actually help.

 

ETA: Not sure if I mentioned this, but he was about 3yo when this all happened.

 

:grouphug:

Edited February 5, 2010 by Kathleen in VA

[Starr]

You are not alone. I have friends that used to drop the kids off at the church nursery during the early adult class and go out for coffee. They just needed a break and the kids were fine. It's funny now that we have teens. My friends with twins talk about all kinds of exhaustion when their kids were young. What can I remember? jumping out of 2nd story windows, duct taping mattresses to the bed frames, video cameras in the bedrooms to be sure rooms weren't destroyed, one crying and causing the other to cry for ever and ever when left with grandma...Here's a big, brave, Mama :grouphug:

[lovemykids]

:grouphug:

 

I don't have experience with twins, but we have cabin fever here too. :glare:

 

This too shall pass, right?

 

I need a change of pace! I need spring. Ugh, that snowstorm is coming...:ack2:

[nd293]

I am hugely sympathetic to the OP, who I think is incredibly brave to post this. I have similar feelings towards one of my children. I remember when it was different. I know this wasn't an overnight process. I can't imagine how it will get better. And it makes me sad.

[Caribbean Queen]

Library Lover,

 

I think 3 year olds can learn to use an "inside voice" not interupt every minute, not play with poop, and the other things the OP mentioned. Those things are normal, but need correction. As I said, before, I am not trying to say, "spank" or "punish." I really do mean "learn" and "correct." I don't think I am attempting to squash normal childhood behavior which really should be tolerated. I have an education degree, have worked with preschoolers and have 3 children of my own, and I think I have a good grasp on what standards are fair to expect from 3 year olds. It isn't like I am expecting them to sit as still as robots for 2 hours or something. When my children misbehave, instead of chalking it up to "kids being kids" I think, "What I have been doing is not working. How can I get my children to behave?" and I figure it out.

 

I guess this where we don't see eye to eye. Since you are thinking discipline is not appropriate, I can see why you think preschool would be a good way for the OP to get relief.

Edited February 5, 2010 by Caribbean Queen

[freetobeme]

i have been following this and wondering if i have anything to offer other than :grouphug::grouphug:! so, here goes. . .(and it's not much so don't get excited!) i realize that i don't remember much that happened the first 3 or 4 years of my twins' lives or their 3 sibs', for that matter.:001_smile::confused::001_smile: thank goodness for photo albums. mine are now 9yo BUT when they were born i had a 3yo - this explains A LOT about that first year of their lives! i DO remember that i LOVED 4 yo and really probably not until 4.5 yo.

repeating what others have said: it does get easier and there is an exponential quality to life with twins. hang in there, take breaks when you can, get them outside as much as possible, spend individual time with each, and give them breaks from each other. it's a hard season but you're gonna make it! and the weather certainly isn't helping right now!

more :grouphug::grouphug:!

my guys are best friends but they also love to spend individual time with me, their dad, their sisters, their grandparents, and their friends. and we still get that twin exponential thing going. . .that's just a special part of who they are!

[LibraryLover]

You're being purposefully obtuse. I didn't say I don't believe in 'discipline', which I prefer to call gentle guidance, and nobody said "Oh honey, go ahead and play int he poop, it's fine" etc.

 

You can discipline your children whatever way you choose. You value obedience. I get that. Have at it.

 

Your bombastic judgement of parents who are not choosing your style of parenting is my issue with your posts.

 

And you really don't want to play the I have a 'degree in education & 3 tiny children of my own' game with me.

 

 

Library Lover,

 

I think 3 year olds can learn to use an "inside voice" not interupt every minute, not play with poop, and the other things the OP mentioned. Those things are normal, but need correction. As I said, before, I am not trying to say, "spank" or "punish." I really do mean "learn" and "correct." I don't think I am attempting to squash normal childhood behavior which really should be tolerated. I have an education degree, have worked with preschoolers and have 3 children of my own, and I think I have a good grasp on what standards are fair to expect from 3 year olds. It isn't like I am expecting them to sit as still as robots for 2 hours or something. When my children misbehave, instead of chalking it up to "kids being kids" I think, "What I have been doing is not working. How can I get my children to behave?" and I figure it out.

 

I guess this where we don't see eye to eye. Since you are thinking discipline is not appropriate, I can see why you think preschool would be a good way for the OP to get relief.

[Caribbean Queen]

I don't parent thinking I can 'discipline' the normal out of a 3 yr old, or that such discipline is even healthy for my children.

 

... More discipline, imo, is not the magic cure for normal childhood behavior and tired, exhausted, over-worked mothers who have little to no support, or breaks 24/7.

 

This is what I interpreted to mean that more discipline is not the appropriate response to the behavior the OP's children are displaying. I was not trying to imply that you use no discipline. I was trying to say that you don't think more discipline is the answer to the OPs problem.

[TXMomof4]

Thanks, Christina. If we could afford this, I would definitely do this for this year.

 

My son had a scholarship at our church preschool. I only took it with the understanding that if a truly needy family came, I would start paying and give them the scholarship. The directors told me they have scholarships just sitting there because no one ever will ask for them. Check out your local churches - it doesn't have to be in your denomination. We had a ton of students whose siblings went to an international school - they didn't even speak English! Lots of kids from other churches and in the neighborhood were also students without being affiliated with our church in any other way.

 

Good luck. I have one 3 yo who is seriously missing his preschool since we moved. He is definately the one who will make me gray.

[Caribbean Queen]

Your bombastic judgement of parents who are not choosing your style of parenting is my issue with your posts.

 

And you really don't want to play the I have a 'degree in education & 3 tiny children of my own' game with me.

 

Please quote my bombastic judgements. I don't see them.

 

Um, am I supposed to be scared?

[LibraryLover]

CB-- if I continue this coversation with you, we could get thread locked, which won't help the OP, or we could even be banned for a day. I am going to stop now. I agree to disagree and let it rest. Peace out.

[Caribbean Queen]

CB-- I am going to stop now. I agree to disagree and let it rest. Peace out.

 

Great. I also agree to disagree.

[MicheleinMN]

I haven't read any of the other replies....but 3 year-old little girls are a handful!! One at a time was enough to make me crazy, so two of them together....no wonder you are at your wits' end. This too shall pass.

 

I would suggest maybe taking each of your girls out alone with you once a week or so, maybe then they won't feel the need to compete ALL the time.

 

HTH

[Sahamamama]

Mom sets the tone for the household and that I needed to take the bull by the horns, as it were, and force myself to be optimistic and cheerful. The book suggested that moms should greet each member of the family every day as though they were truly delighted to see them and to give each child a welcoming, cheerful hug first thing each day.

 

 

Thanks, Kathleen, it's always good to get your perspective. :001_smile: Yes, this is what my husband and I have been talking about, how we are frustrated to the point of being GRIM, and I think that at times we become so unnecessarily. It's as Library Lover said, the normal 3 yo behavior becomes some sort of crisis. I mean, it's NORMAL, but we (as parents) can still lose our perspective.

 

Last week as an example, this time with our five year old, who is usually a gem. I put the girls down for nap time, they are used to this, it's an everyday routine. About 20 minutes into nap, I hear this little plinking sound just inside the girls' bedroom doorway. I open the door, and Sugar Lump is in there playing with a top, just spinning it and spinning it, with the ceiling light on, and this woke up her sisters. "What are you DOING?" Tears, etc., etc. She really had no idea WHY she got out of bed, she just did it.

 

Next day, nap time, me talking: "Now, Honey, you remember the two rules for nap time, right? One, lie down. Two, be quiet. Okay?" "Okay, Mommy." Twenty minutes later, I hear the plinking sound again. Same deal, more tears, etc., etc., etc.....

 

That evening, we discuss this with Daddy, Mommy, and Daughter #1. She says she was wrong to get up and play and wake up her sisters and so on and so forth. She apologizes, we forgive her, we pray about it all, and give hugs and kisses. All good, right? We tuck them all in bed. Ten minutes later, my husband hears them all talking, he goes in to check, and this same child is up spreading lotion all over her arms -- ALL OVER her arms, up to her elbows. I tell you, it was mind-boggling that, after all our instruction and discipline, she would still be doing her own thing, but how we dealt with it, I think (looking back :glare:), was over the top. I mean, what we should have done :confused:, maybe, was to say, "Sugar Lump, go back to bed please." That's not how we handled it..... :angelsad2:

 

I agree, Kathleen, we are the adults and we set the tone. We had this come up just this morning, in fact, because my husband is unexpectedly home today. This is supposed to be a good thing, right? Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy! And I had to remind him that it's up to us to steer the ship, KWIM? This can be hard to do, when the girls seem to be ignoring us or when the oldest has a bit of an attitude, but all the same, we have to turn it around.

 

Kathleen, I know in my heart that you are a wonderful mother who loves her children and loves the Lord, so I am encouraged (in some strange, twisted way, LOL) that you also have had times when you've wanted to pull the covers up over your head, rather than say "Good morning" to one of your children. Wow! I am normal, after all! :lol: Thanks. Really, for everyone's encouragement, thanks!

 

Gotta go, they're running all over the place behind my back! :willy_nilly::willy_nilly::willy_nilly:

[Sahamamama]

I realize that I don't remember much that happened the first 3 or 4 years of my twins' lives or their 3 sibs', for that matter.:001_smile::confused::001_smile:

 

 

Now THAT is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Hilariously funny! Yes, thank goodness for photo albums. So, so, so funny.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[Dobela]

When my 2 yo dd started all this behavior, she started Mother's Day out once a week at a local church for 3 housrs once a week. If she hadn't started that, she would have gone to preK a morning or 2 a week. It gives her something new and fun - something to look forward to - and me a nice break with my other child. Another friend pays her neighbor to baby sit her young dd a couple of hours each morning while she does the heavy duty work with her other child.

[Sahamamama]

When my 2 yo dd started all this behavior, she started Mother's Day out once a week at a local church for 3 housrs once a week. If she hadn't started that, she would have gone to preK a morning or 2 a week. It gives her something new and fun - something to look forward to - and me a nice break with my other child. Another friend pays her neighbor to baby sit her young dd a couple of hours each morning while she does the heavy duty work with her other child.

 

I love the quote in your sig line. Thank you for this.

[Kathleen in VA]

I reread my post and realize I should have emphasized more just how difficult it was to be cheerful and just how guilty I felt for finding it so difficult and how inconsistent I was with it and how frustrating it all was. I'm glad I encouraged you a little anyway. Yes, you are normal. Parenting is not for wimps and yet it so very hard not be a wimp. Parenting twins - well - that's just out of my league but it's got to be a whole lot harder. There's no way it cannot be harder. Especially twin 3 year olds.

 

Not sure about the logistics, but would it be possible to put your older daughter down for a nap in your bedroom? At least then they'd be separated a little. I think having them all in the same bedroom is a tough challenge. Having a small house in winter is a tough challenge.

 

In any case, let me just restate that it was very, very hard for me and I failed often and yet God has been very gracious. You are on the right track and I will be praying for you.

 

 

 

:grouphug:

[CAMom]

 

I think 3 year olds can learn to use an "inside voice" not interupt every minute, not play with poop, and the other things the OP mentioned. Those things are normal, but need correction. As I said, before, I am not trying to say, "spank" or "punish." I really do mean "learn" and "correct." I don't think I am attempting to squash normal childhood behavior which really should be tolerated. I have an education degree, have worked with preschoolers and have 3 children of my own, and I think I have a good grasp on what standards are fair to expect from 3 year olds. It isn't like I am expecting them to sit as still as robots for 2 hours or something. When my children misbehave, instead of chalking it up to "kids being kids" I think, "What I have been doing is not working. How can I get my children to behave?" and I figure it out.

 

 

This sounds very much like me when my older kids were younger.:D

 

We got compliments everywhere we went on how well behaved our children were. They even used to get free desserts offered to them by servers in restaurants who were so impressed how polite they were.

 

I looked at everyone with children not as well behaved as mine and thought to myself, "If only they disciplined them more, they would act better."

 

Enter (in 2005) Mr. Naughty Pants!:lol: Same exact parents....same exact parenting....new child with a naughty streak!;) It's not a simple as more discipline with him. He is sweet, though! He just climbed onto the arm of my chair and has his arms wrapped so tightly around my neck I can hardly breathe saying, "Oh Mommy! I love you so much!"

 

Back when my dd (now almost 14) was about 4, she had a friend who would tell her parents "no" at everything they asked her to do. I was always horrified and thought, "My kids would never do that! I just wouldn't allow it." Guess what? Mr Naughty Pants tells me "no" every single day. And, believe me, he's disciplined!

 

It was very easy for me, as the mother of (what I now understand to be) naturally compliant young children to judge others as just needing to put more effort into their parenting. I've since repented of my attitude!;):lol:

 

To the OP...my 4 year old sounds very much like your twins. Everyone in the house is totally burnt out by him! I can't imagine doing it with twins!:grouphug:

[mom4him]

:crying: I really have. I know they are beautiful, I know they are smart, I know they are funny. I know they are mine, I know I love them both, I know all of this... and yet, I just can't stand them these days.

 

It really has nothing to do with homeschooling. The oldest (5 yo) is only in K, and she is doing well. We have very short "seatwork" time, and the rest is fun stuff, activities, play time, read alouds, music, and outings. She is a fast learner, a good worker, a sweet girl. She is patient, too, when I have to bounce over to her sisters, which is every 30 seconds or so.....

 

It's these other two -- :willy_nilly::willy_nilly: -- that are sucking the fun and enjoyment and peace out of every day. They are so loud, and we can't seem to moderate their volume. They compete for attention, they argue with each other all the time, they come whining to me with every little complaint about the other, and they are draining me dry. I really can't stand them.

 

I mean that. I just can NOT stand them. Any suggestions? (Be nice to me, please).

No Harsh Words From Me!

My two youngest are not twins but 1 yr. 20 days apart. When they were littler they fought over EVERYTHING! I got to where it took very little for me to separate them. I mean Mr T you go into the ...... room and play and Missy M you go into the ..... room and play. I would make them play apart for a time, 20-30 min. and then they could come back together BUT if it stated up again the apart time was longer. At times they would not get to play together for the day. It was sort of like if they had a friend over and couldn't get along, well the friend gets to go home. Instead they just get to play in separate places. It worked. I rarely have to separate them any more. They spend time together ready, watching a movie, playing on the computer and playing outside with rarely a fight.

[Renee in NC]

This sounds very much like me when my older kids were younger.:D

 

We got compliments everywhere we went on how well behaved our children were. They even used to get free desserts offered to them by servers in restaurants who were so impressed how polite they were.

 

I looked at everyone with children not as well behaved as mine and thought to myself, "If only they disciplined them more, they would act better."

 

Enter (in 2005) Mr. Naughty Pants!:lol: Same exact parents....same exact parenting....new child with a naughty streak!;) It's not a simple as more discipline with him. He is sweet, though! He just climbed onto the arm of my chair and has his arms wrapped so tightly around my neck I can hardly breathe saying, "Oh Mommy! I love you so much!"

 

Back when my dd (now almost 14) was about 4, she had a friend who would tell her parents "no" at everything they asked her to do. I was always horrified and thought, "My kids would never do that! I just wouldn't allow it." Guess what? Mr Naughty Pants tells me "no" every single day. And, believe me, he's disciplined!

 

It was very easy for me, as the mother of (what I now understand to be) naturally compliant young children to judge others as just needing to put more effort into their parenting. I've since repented of my attitude!;):lol:

 

To the OP...my 4 year old sounds very much like your twins. Everyone in the house is totally burnt out by him! I can't imagine doing it with twins!:grouphug:

 

Yeah, I got one of those, too. #6. Good thing she is absolutely adorable, KWIM? I would be happy if I could just get her to keep her clothes on!:lol: She strips down every chance she gets. I think it might be sensory (I have one with sensory issues) but it still doesn't make me feel better when she sneaks out the door in her Dora panties AGAIN!:tongue_smilie:

[LauraGB]

Yeah, I got one of those, too. #6. Good thing she is absolutely adorable, KWIM?

 

That's how The Big Guy makes sure we do it again. :lol:

[Lovedtodeath]

Kathleen, I really processed your post and applied it today... it worked! I already knew this of course, but I am thankful of the reminder. DH was telling me to try to keep it up beat and I said, "but I have tried that and nothing works with her." I listened to you though. LOL

[kathkath]

123 magic is good

I also really really really like "transforming the difficult child"

 

I have a 3yo and I have 3 words for you.

 

Mothers Day Out.

 

Hang in there....

[mominbc]

This sounds very much like me when my older kids were younger.:D

 

We got compliments everywhere we went on how well behaved our children were. They even used to get free desserts offered to them by servers in restaurants who were so impressed how polite they were.

 

I looked at everyone with children not as well behaved as mine and thought to myself, "If only they disciplined them more, they would act better."

 

Enter (in 2005) Mr. Naughty Pants!:lol: Same exact parents....same exact parenting....new child with a naughty streak!;) It's not a simple as more discipline with him. He is sweet, though! He just climbed onto the arm of my chair and has his arms wrapped so tightly around my neck I can hardly breathe saying, "Oh Mommy! I love you so much!"

 

Back when my dd (now almost 14) was about 4, she had a friend who would tell her parents "no" at everything they asked her to do. I was always horrified and thought, "My kids would never do that! I just wouldn't allow it." Guess what? Mr Naughty Pants tells me "no" every single day. And, believe me, he's disciplined!

 

It was very easy for me, as the mother of (what I now understand to be) naturally compliant young children to judge others as just needing to put more effort into their parenting. I've since repented of my attitude!;):lol:

 

To the OP...my 4 year old sounds very much like your twins. Everyone in the house is totally burnt out by him! I can't imagine doing it with twins!:grouphug:

 

:iagree::iagree:Oh my, that is my life exactly. I have 3 perfectly well behaved children. I thought I knew exactly how to do it. My 4th is completely different and just the same as your little guy, so cute and cuddly. But if you leave the bathroom door open, he's in the toilet, if there is a button, he will push it and the list goes on and on. What worked for my older 3 does NOT work for him. He is just busy and very curious. I feel for the original OP who has it double time. It's crazy just watching one and exhausting. Hang in there!

[justamouse]

See, I got the hard kid first so it seemed every kid after was cake! My twins were trying. and then when they were 3 months old I got pregnant again. Those years were a muddle, let me tell you.

 

Let yourself have bad days. Heck, bad months and a whirligig of a few years. It won't be that way forever and somedays, just making it through is an accomplishment. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Ravin]

I would probably look for a mom's day out, preschool, or other such program we could afford (which, for us, would pretty much mean free). I know my mom put my sisters (identical twins, now 30, and well into their 20's were at times still the terrible two's, lol) in church preschool, and used to loan them to a friend who was a mom of teens for 4-H babysitting classes. She's now got a 2 yo and a 1 yo at home (foster-babes, probably going to adopt them), and is waitlisted for a couple of mother's day out programs in her hometown (the affordable ones fill up fast).

 

It really sounds like you and your DH could use a break. I'd take a careful look at your budget and see if there isn't such a program you could afford, or that has scholarships.

 

Good luck!

[cathmom]

Can't read the whole thread, but I wanted to say that besides the newborn period, age 3 was the hardest with the twins so far. Mine are nearly four and a half now, and things are much better than they were a year ago!!!!!!!!