Ugh...baby wars!!!

[Heather in Neverland]

Since my youngest is nearly 6yo (before we got Natalie), I had forgotten about BABY WARS. We have had her for less than two weeks and already the opinions from everyone are starting to aggravate me:

 

cloth vs. disposable

 

schedule feeding vs. demand feeding

 

holding her too much/spoiling her

 

working vs. staying at home

 

bottle vs. breast (even though breast feeding isn't an option, obviously, I still get to hear everyone's opinion)

 

vax or no vax

 

Thank goodness she's a girl or I'd have to listen to the circumcision debate as well.

 

It's really too bad. For instance, I have some honest questions about vaccinations but I dare not ask anyone for fear of causing mass hysteria on both sides of the debate. I just want cold, hard facts. I don't want emotional anecdotes. But I can't get info I need because the topic is so controversial.

 

But it is most interesting how comfortable everyone feels about forcing their opinion on you and denigrating your own especially when no advice was asked of them. :glare:

 

Why are mothers so vicious about their parenting choices?

[Crimson Wife]

For a relatively balanced discussion of vaccines, I highly recommend the Dr. Sears book.

 

I don't know why so many moms are viciously intolerant of other moms who make different parenting choices. Maybe it's because they feel threatened, as if the other mom's decision is an implicit criticism of their own choices?

 

I have strong opinions about what's best for my own family, but until I walk in somebody else's shoes, I can't really judge what's best for her children given her family's circumstances...

[Mommyof4ks]

Fear of being wrong or the need to control everyone around them. It is silly. I know what you mean though. Try pubmed for medical stuff. You can search many journals at once.

[EKS]

I don't know why so many moms are viciously intolerant of other moms who make different parenting choices. Maybe it's because they feel threatened, as if the other mom's decision is an implicit criticism of their own choices?

 

I have strong opinions about what's best for my own family, but until I walk in somebody else's shoes, I can't really judge what's best for her children given her family's circumstances...

 

:iagree:

[Paz]

Is it different being is a different culture or are your friends there as opinionated as we are here it he US? :lol:

 

Funny story: One of my dear friends (older than me but single, no kids) watched my children one weekend when they were 3 and 5. It was only supposed to be one night but we got caught in a freak snowstorm and it was almost 3 days before we got home. She had been frequently giving us advice on just about everything. (She was from another culture where advice is readily given, and I guess accepted and expected) When we got home all the advice she had was that I needed to get a sitter more often and get out more because raising kids was very tiring. :D I love her to death but this was the funniest story and we still talk about it.

[kmacnchs]

I def. know how you feel:grouphug:

As far as "just facts"...good luck. A friend was telling me about Dr. Sears, etc. and I had never heard of such (though it was at the time of Jenny McCarthy's book, etc. so I was starting to) so I decided to ask my hubby about it (he is a pediatric nurse) and he said nothing is proven, vaccines do nothing, there is nothing to worry about, etc. Not a heated discussion, just very matter-of-fact. He's my hubby so there was no argument or anything, I am just saying, even when you are speaking "facts", everyone has a different set to give...so, as I was saying, good luck:tongue_smilie:

 

I sometimes give my opinion when it was not asked...guilty:confused: The reason? It breaks my heart to hear people say they don't want to have kids b/c they love their sleep too much. I just put my 2c in that it doesn't have to be like that (all 3 of mine sleep 11hrs every night and take naps during the day) and hope they come to me if they want to know more and REALLY hope they change their minds (children are such a blessing!!!)

 

anyway, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: enjoy your new babe :)

[krisperry]

I second the Dr. Sears book. If you are interested in learning more about cloth diapers, I recommend http://www.diaperpin.com . I'm krisperry there as well ;)

 

I'm sorry that you are having to experience any baby war stuff. That is awful.

 

I did have a friend who adopted a baby and breastfed. She had breastfed her children in the past but was not currently making milk. She used some sort of system that attached to her breast. The babe got use to latching on however there was a thin tube by her nipple that connected to the formula. The stimulation actually allowed her milk production to begin. I found that amazing and fascinating. And though, I'm a hugely pro breastfeeding, I'm not even sure that I would have done that. I didn't even know you COULD do that before her!

 

Anyhow, hugs to you. The best kind of parenting is the kind that makes you the best parent for your kids. There is no one right anything. :)

[Pamela H in Texas]

sorry you're having so much unsolicited advice. I'm taking this post as wanting some info, and since I can't help a lot....LOL

 

There was a book about vaccination suggested on here that I hope someone tells you the name of (and me if A chooses to allow us to raise her baby). It's just the facts and gives an alternative schedule that allows for safety from each direction. I remember being impressed with it at the time.

 

And many people nurse adopted babies. So it may be a choice for you if you want it to be.

 

But more than anything, I wish you peace with your choices :)

Edited January 24, 2010 by 2J5M9K
got rid of opinion :)

[sarawatsonim]

That's too bad. I don't understand why people think it is necessary to be so vocal and forceful of their own parenting decisions. It's not like she is your first born and you have no experience.:001_smile: I remember when I opted not to breast feed. I had severe postpartum and was definitely going through some difficult thinks at that time. These "friends" of ours were ready to stage an intervention on me to try to get me to bf.:glare: Those same people are no longer our friends. I found they were too negative to have in my life anymore. I hope things get better so you can focus on you and your new dd.

[wbtx]

I often think it is a shame they are not more supportive. As far as baby war decisions I only have one piece of advise, do your research and then follow your heart. I am so happy for you and your baby girl.:grouphug:

[lcelmer]

For me, most people I know if real life are pretty easygoing about it all, but it seems like online forums can get intimidating fast.

 

Not necessarily this forum, just a few that I read occasionally.

 

It could just be that most of the people I know are good with understanding the difference between blatant sin/wrong, and a matter of personal opinion/conviction.

 

I know people on both sides of most of these issues. :D

[SonshineLearner]

 

cloth vs. disposable

You KNOW Ec'cing is best... (just don't ask me how:-)

schedule feeding vs. demand feeding

Babies create their own schedule, and then demand it.

holding her too much/spoiling her

Don't all try to hold her at the same time,

working vs. staying at home

Go to work.... and take the baby with :-)

bottle vs. breast (even though breast feeding isn't an option, obviously, I still get to hear everyone's opinion)

You could try to nurse, it may work, for real

vax or no vax

No vax is best, unless something happens and you wish you did.

Thank goodness she's a girl or I'd have to listen to the circumcision debate as well.

Better hear the circ stories, in case you get a boy next!

I would NEVER force my opinions on you, I'm so great at offering, you'll forget you asked!

:D:D:D:D

 

I hope you're remembering about just enjoying your baby!!

:grouphug:

[Spy Car]

Thank goodness she's a girl or I'd have to listen to the circumcision debate as well.

 

Who knew circumcision was controversial? :lol:

 

Congratulations on your blessing :001_smile:

 

Bill

[Moxie]

Yeah, I don't get it. I've seen plenty of bottle-fed, fully-vaxed, daycared, circumsised kids turn out just fine. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round so I focus on my own family unless I'm asked.

[Mommyfaithe]

Since my youngest is nearly 6yo (before we got Natalie), I had forgotten about BABY WARS. We have had her for less than two weeks and already the opinions from everyone are starting to aggravate me:

 

cloth vs. disposable

 

schedule feeding vs. demand feeding

 

holding her too much/spoiling her

 

working vs. staying at home

 

bottle vs. breast (even though breast feeding isn't an option, obviously, I still get to hear everyone's opinion)

 

vax or no vax

 

Thank goodness she's a girl or I'd have to listen to the circumcision debate as well.

 

It's really too bad. For instance, I have some honest questions about vaccinations but I dare not ask anyone for fear of causing mass hysteria on both sides of the debate. I just want cold, hard facts. I don't want emotional anecdotes. But I can't get info I need because the topic is so controversial.

 

But it is most interesting how comfortable everyone feels about forcing their opinion on you and denigrating your own especially when no advice was asked of them. :glare:

 

Why are mothers so vicious about their parenting choices?

 

My only advice is "be the duck." let it all roll off your back.

Everyone knows better how to raise everyone else's kids. I just don't get it.

 

Congrats on Natalie!! I feel happy for you every time I think of you. You and your family are in our prayers. Enjoy that sweet gift from God and don't worry about what other people say.

 

As far as vax's....a good google search will probably give you enough info....

 

~~Faithe

[CalicoKat]

smile, nod, and do what you think best.

 

I might be tempted to say those starting such conversations, "Wow! Isn't is so amazing? I just thought this whole baby stage was a thing of the past and look at this precious little girl. Isn't she adorable and so smart!"

 

In my experience this usually ends a conversation so fast with "piranha mothers or wanna bees."

 

Distract them.

[IsabelC]

I don't think it's vicious at all, at least not very often. While some people might feel compelled to give unsolicited advice in order to feel more authoritative, or more useful, I like to assume that most people are actually trying to help, and simply find it difficult to refrain from making comments if they see (or think they see!) children being harmed.

 

As a breastfeeding counsellor, I know I find it a challenge to stand by when babies are unnecessarily missing out on breastfeeding. While I would never try to tell you what to do with your body and your baby, if I knew you irl I would be on the look out for opportunities to help. If you said "breastfeeding is not an option", I would probably say something like "Oh, isn't it? What a pity!" and then see if you felt like discussing it or not. If you obviously didn't want to talk about it (or if you are quite happy about using ABM), I wouldn't start on the 101 Reasons Why Mothers Who Say They Can't Breastfeed Usually Can lecture! But if you said "Oh yes, I really did want to breastfeed, but my doctor told me my hair is the wrong color" (and yes, this has happened to women), I would suggest that you might like to give it a try anyway. I think that don't give unwanted advice is a good rule, but at the same time there's nothing wrong with a gentle approach after they have introduced the topic themselves.

 

Also, there is plenty of room between being interfering and bossy and being falsely enthusiastic about things. Eg, if you told me that you have carefully researched and considered circumcision (what? a controversial topic?) and have decided to go ahead with it, I might be able to manage a semi-positive comment along the lines of "It sounds as though you've looked into it are comfortable with your decision". But if you then invited me to a party to celebrate the event, you would get a considerably less polite response.

 

As for what to do, tell your friends, relatives and random people you meet (some of whom don't have children!) that they have to abide by the rule that for every piece of advice they give, they also give you something practical like a home cooked meal or a load of diaper washing (or do a trip to the shop for you if you use sposies). I have always found the advice so much easier to take from people who actually show they they care :D

Edited January 24, 2010 by Hotdrink

[Jean in Newcastle]

Most women are smart enough to know what things they want to research. (Not all - I had a call from one 40 year old neighbor who honestly did not know that her newborn would be waking up to nurse in the middle of the night). But honestly, a mom with two children already should know that babies wear diapers, have to eat, have medical needs etc. And they are usually aware of the issues involving each of those subjects.

 

If a mother, is musing about a subject. . . "I just don't know what choice to make about whether I should use disposable or cotton diapers. . ." then I would feel free to make a suggestion or two - but even then I would coach it in a "have you thought about" sort of way.

 

How to handle it: Laugh and say "It's amazing how many choices we have on X issue isn't there! I'm so glad that I researched all of that when my boys were little." Then quick - pass that bean dip. Ask them what they think about homeschooling!:lol:

[jenn1129]

For a relatively balanced discussion of vaccines, I highly recommend the Dr. Sears book. ...

 

 

:iagree:very informative, unbiased look at vaccines by a doctor. He gives both sides of the argument for each vaccination. it has helped us lots!

[MamaSheep]

Heather, I have no advice. :001_smile: I get to listen to everyone's opinions about fertility, autism treatments, and trying to adopt through the foster system when I already have 2 special needs children. Wanna trade for a week, just for a little variety?

 

Isn't life an adventure? And aren't we glad there are enough other people along that we can learn from each other and don't have to do all the dumb things ourselves? I'm glad there are so many people interested in my and my family's well-being, even if they are a little nosey, overbearing, and intrusive sometimes.

 

 

 

Is it different being is a different culture or are your friends there as opinionated as we are here it he US? :lol:

 

Funny story: One of my dear friends (older than me but single, no kids) watched my children one weekend when they were 3 and 5. It was only supposed to be one night but we got caught in a freak snowstorm and it was almost 3 days before we got home. She had been frequently giving us advice on just about everything. (She was from another culture where advice is readily given, and I guess accepted and expected) When we got home all the advice she had was that I needed to get a sitter more often and get out more because raising kids was very tiring. :D I love her to death but this was the funniest story and we still talk about it.

 

Your story made me giggle. My youngest brother was attending a university near our home when he was courting his wife. She was in elementary education, and then started teaching soon after they married. She was fascinated with my homeschooling and enjoyed giving me advice on educational techniques, books and materials, and child management in general. They enjoyed coming over on Sunday afternoons and playing with our kids while they daydreamed about starting their own family. After they were married they offered to stay with our kids overnight so we could have a little getaway for our 10th anniversary (the 2nd overnight we'd had without kids since ds arrived 10 months after our wedding; ds was not the sort of tot you left with other people if you still wanted to be on speaking terms with them, but had improved dramatically so we decided to give it a go). When we got back the next morning they both looked exhausted and frazzled and emphatically declared that wow, we sure did have our hands full and they didn't know how we did it...lol. She has never offered me advice since then, unless I asked for it first (she is a reading specialist, and dd has some reading issues, and it has been nice to be able to discuss that with her). She's now expecting their second baby, the first having barely turned one, and she will have her own hands VERY full quite soon.

[Danestress]

Why are mothers so vicious about their parenting choices?

 

Honestly, in real life the only really "vicious" remarks I have heard from mothers about other mothers are from SAHM who are denigrating working Moms. I've never met a Mom who was really ugly about vaccinations, breast feeding, spoiling etc on either side of the issue. I've met opinionated people, but no one who was really ugly.

 

Online, things can be very ugly indeed. I guess for me, talking to people who actually know you in real life is probably better than asking questions on forums and board where people forget their basic courtesy and kindness. If your real life friends are truly on attack about these things, you may need to cultivate a gentler group of friends. It's not that "debate oriented" people aren't great to include in your life, but when you are staying up all night with a new born, you just need a few girlfriends who are more soothing!

[sunshine]

 

Why are mothers so vicious about their parenting choices?

 

Insecure or selfish domineering people usually want to validate their own choices to themselves and the world by demanding everyone agree their way is best.

[coffeefreak]

:iagree:

People STILL push their opinions on me, and I haven't had a baby in 7 years!

 

Hang in there! Just politely tell them that you've had experience and make the discussion off limits.

 

:grouphug:

Dorinda

[blessed2fosteradopt]

I often think it is a shame they are not more supportive. As far as baby war decisions I only have one piece of advise, do your research and then follow your heart. I am so happy for you and your baby girl.:grouphug:

 

:iagree:completely. As a Christian, pray about it and follow your instincts. She is your daughter after all! Enjoy her and don't fret about what others think.

[GaHadley]

I think each mom has to do what is right for their stage of life. I'm expecting baby #3 - a boy after having 2 girls.

 

I am going to cloth diaper this baby (didn't do it with the first 2 - no real "reason" other than I'm more settled now and we're home more for schooling, and I am hoping it will save us some money :) )

 

I am going to breast feed. I breastfed #1 for 8 months - love it, was so glad I was able to do it successfully. #2 was breastfed for 6 weeks, but I gave it up for antidepressants to help with my PPD (which by the way is another hot topic :confused:).

 

I stay at home because I'm able and I feel like it's what God has called me to do. I went back to school for a year between my first 2 dds, but I couldn't stand being away.

 

Oh, and don't forget about delivering the baby (I guess you miss this one since your adopting. . . ) - natural or epi? I had an epi with both the first ones, but I'm taking lamaze this time and am thinking of all natural. No real conviction to do it that way, just want to try it.

 

My MIL has been the worst on telling me what I should do and shouldn't do - she wanted me to do lamaze from the beginning - she was very insistent, which is probably the reason I didn't do it (call me a rebel). She was also very insistent on breastfeeding, and talked about how she was never depressed after any of her babies were born. Imagine how it was to go on family vacation 10 weeks or so after dd2 was born - I hid my formula and nursery water in our room and washed bottles as discreetly as possible so no one would know that I wasn't breastfeeding. I told dh that no one was to know that I was on antidepressants. It was horrible. I just didn't want to deal with what they all had to say on the matter. I think this go around I will be more secure in thing sthat don't go as I have planned. It's really none of anyone's business how our children are raised.

 

I have a dear friend expecting her first baby in a few weeks. She will not breastfeed. She is going back to work and her mom will be keeping her baby. I'm sure the thought of cloth diapers and natural child birth freak her out. But, she will still be a great mom. She will do what she feels is best for her family. It looks a lot different from my choices, but neither of is any better.

[Starr]

It looks like you got a few more opinions here :) When doing your research you need to consider where you live and where you travel and where the people you come into contact with live and travel ...

[swellmomma]

While the mommy wars can get vicious 90% of the time I think the people offering their opinion mean well and are just trying to help. I know when my sister had my nephew I gave my opinion on a few things, breastfeeding was one of them. She told me she was going to bottle feed because she didn't want her booKs to get saggy. I gave my opinion on the why breast is best at that point. It did not change her mind on the subject and he bottle fed (and my SIL is planning the same thing for the same reason). Actually with my sister I ended up giving my opinion on pretty much everything, though she opened the door on each one, stating her plan first. Let's just say she is my polar opposite in parenting (bottle fed, circ, cry it out, early solids, scheduled feeding to the point of refusing to feed him when hungry because it was not time yet, babysitters-including overnights- from a very young age(she left him for a weekend when he was only 8 weeks old to go to Vegas). Never was is with viciousness or because of feeling threatened. I just wanted to give her another side to think about while making the decisions for my nephew. Having been doing this parenting thing for a decade longer than her I figured I had some insight to offer.

 

Of course I have also been on the receiving end of comments. I started having kids before my Aunt did, she always had lots and lots of parenting advice to give me, when she had my cousin she apologized for it all lol

 

I am sure those offering their opinion to you are a) doing it because they mean it in a helpful way and b) are using it as a way to stimulate conversation. Either smile and say thank you and do your own thing, OR politely tell them you have chosen to do xyz and that is that.

 

Sometimes I think mothers use these topics as a way to see if they share a connection. FOr example, the topic of education, parents of school agers often ask what grade a child is in and/or what school they go to. For PSer's I find they discuss the various schools, why they chose that one, what the teachers are like etc. If you have met a fellow homeschooler suddenly you are on to talking methods and curric(and here in Alberta school boards). However, if it is a ps parent and a hser the conversation turns into why each made the choice they did and why it was best for their own children but the person with the opposing view of you may feel that it is a case of the mommy wars, or that you are trying to say that your way is the only way etc.

[Jennifer in MI]

Heather!!!!! I'm just back from vacation and I get to see pictures of your precious new babe!!!!! She's absolutely gorgeous.

 

I have no comments on the mommy wars. I'm right in everything I do. So, if you want to do it right, please PM me and I'll let you know how to do it, okay? :lol::lol:

[Heather in Neverland]

Heather!!!!! I'm just back from vacation and I get to see pictures of your precious new babe!!!!! She's absolutely gorgeous.

 

I have no comments on the mommy wars. I'm right in everything I do. So, if you want to do it right, please PM me and I'll let you know how to do it, okay? :lol::lol:

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

 

As to unsolicited advice, I guess I'm just different. When women I know have babies I do NOT ask them if they plan to breastfeed, circumcise, get an epidural, feed on a schedule, co-sleep, etc. I figure it's none of my business. If they choose to tell me what their plans are I simply smile and wish them the best. I think there are as many ways to raise children as there are children so until I figure out how to be the perfect mom, I keep my opinions to myself.

[MeganW]

Try having multiples! It only adds to it. ("You CAN'T be thinking of trying to breastfeed TRIPLETS???" "What do you mean they are quarantined for a YEAR? Babies need to be exposed to germs to build up their immune systems! My baby was passed around the whole church when he was just 4 days old and is the healthiest kid ever!" "You CAN'T homeschool TRIPLETS! It's one thing when your kids are spread out, but all the same age?" (Of course, I am thinking it will be easier as I have a lot less curriculums to balance!) "What! You are putting those babies on a SCHEDULE? They'll starve!" (Nevermind that that was the NICU's instruction based on their weight!) Etc.)

 

Seriously for ANY unsolicited advice I just interrupt as soon as the person pauses and say "thanks for your opinion. So what have you been up to lately?" The more you discuss it, the more people think your decision is up for debate!

 

Vaccinations are SO hard. (Hear me out - I'm not going to strong-arm you either way!)

 

My triplets were 9 weeks early, and have an immune system problem. I questioned the need/risk in vaccinating them, but was assured that with their immune system issue, not vaccinating was the equivalent of a death sentence, so what do you do?

 

We went forward, and about 2 weeks after the MMR, ON THE SAME DAY, two of the triplets' behavior totally changed. It was SO sudden. One has now been diagnosed with autism, and the other is borderline. So there is no question in my mind what caused it. Especially once I started reading more about it. Google "Bailey Banks Vaccine Court", and you will see that the link HAS been proven. It is extremely hard to prove b/c it takes a CAT scan/MRI, which unless there is a head injury at the same time as the vaccination reaction, you aren't going to have.

 

The sticky thing is that despite that reaction, my kids STILL need the protection as a major illness could kill them.

 

If I were doing it all over (and what I have done with my youngest), I would do ONE vaccination at a time with a minimum of 4 weeks between them to give the immune system time to recover. And no MMR until after age 3, as that is when the barrier to the brain closes. (My youngest just got her first.) And I never give vaccinations when the immune system is already fighting something else (like when they have a cold). Doing it again, I would probably postpone varicella until a little later as well.

 

In this way, we will be fully vaccinated before school (if they go), just on a more gradual basis. I think it's a good compromise.

 

I really am not sure what made me think that it was a good idea to give 4 vaccinations at once to an immune-compromised baby who weighed half what the normal baby that age weighed (so I assume the dose was double what it needed to be). A decision that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

 

I honestly think that for MOST healthy babies, vaccinations are safe. But it is just hard to know for sure whether or not your baby is going to be the one who has a reacation.

Edited January 25, 2010 by MeganW

[MeganW]

Honestly, in real life the only really "vicious" remarks I have heard from mothers about other mothers are from SAHM who are denigrating working Moms. I've never met a Mom who was really ugly about vaccinations, breast feeding, spoiling etc on either side of the issue. I've met opinionated people, but no one who was really ugly.

 

 

A lot depends on where you live. When I was in Memphis, people were UGLY to each other. Unbelievably so. I am in SC now, and it is SOOO different!

[MeganW]

 

My MIL has been the worst on telling me what I should do and shouldn't do - she wanted me to do lamaze from the beginning - she was very insistent, which is probably the reason I didn't do it (call me a rebel). She was also very insistent on breastfeeding, and talked about how she was never depressed after any of her babies were born. Imagine how it was to go on family vacation 10 weeks or so after dd2 was born - I hid my formula and nursery water in our room and washed bottles as discreetly as possible so no one would know that I wasn't breastfeeding. I told dh that no one was to know that I was on antidepressants. It was horrible. I just didn't want to deal with what they all had to say on the matter. I think this go around I will be more secure in thing sthat don't go as I have planned. It's really none of anyone's business how our children are raised.

 

 

You need to stand up to your MIL. It's awkward and embarrassing the first few times, but gets much easier with practice! It can be done kindly but firmly without being rude! Compliment or thank her for her opinion / advice, and change the subject.

- "Thanks for your opinion - so what have you been up to?"

- "I'm so happy for you that you didn't have to deal with this. So, seen any good movies lately?"

- "I know, you have told me before that you made the choice to breastfeed. I'm glad you are happy about your choice! So, what's for dinner tonight?"

If you really have to, you can add "DH & I will take your opinion into account when we make our decision" before changing the subject.

 

But the more you discuss it, the more she thinks she has a right to be in the midst of the debate / decision-making! Just don't engage!

[Jennifer in MI]

:lol::lol::lol:

 

 

As to unsolicited advice, I guess I'm just different. When women I know have babies I do NOT ask them if they plan to breastfeed, circumcise, get an epidural, feed on a schedule, co-sleep, etc. I figure it's none of my business. If they choose to tell me what their plans are I simply smile and wish them the best. I think there are as many ways to raise children as there are children so until I figure out how to be the perfect mom, I keep my opinions to myself.

 

Oh - I hear ya'! I don't ever ask either. (Well, I did ask my sister, but I'm closer to her than anyone!) I think what you said here is a perfect answer to someone who is badgering you - "I think there are as many ways to raise children as there are children . . . " It's perfect!!!

[Parrothead]

The phrase, "Thank you, I'll keep that in mind." can be used often by almost everyone. I know I need to use it more myself.

[PinkInTheBlue]

I completely agree. I have found this place an easy place to ask thoughts and opinions on (I know some others disagree). However I would really like to ask a vaccinations question that should be straight forward bur I'm ultra concerned about the responses of those that might not even be in the neighborhood of my thoughts. You know what I mean? I'd like to ask a question of those that believe in "pink" but those that believe in "purple" might attack to bring me to "their side". :)

 

I'm glad to be a homeschool board dweller. I tried a mommy board for a while when I was pregnant and newborn win my 3 yr old but it was just to exhausting! The drama! LOL

[Scarlett]

Since my youngest is nearly 6yo (before we got Natalie), I had forgotten about BABY WARS. We have had her for less than two weeks

 

I am not sure HOW I missed this news. Congrats and enjoy!

[Ginevra]

Honestly, in real life the only really "vicious" remarks I have heard from mothers about other mothers are from SAHM who are denigrating working Moms. I've never met a Mom who was really ugly about vaccinations, breast feeding, spoiling etc on either side of the issue. I've met opinionated people, but no one who was really ugly.

 

I have definitely witnessed ugly IRL. Although most of what has come directly at me has been of the annoying/pestering type. Honestly, as much as I would love to have another baby, this aspect is something I'm seriously glad I don't have to cope with (much) anymore. At this point, I guess most of the advice-givers figure I've already screwed them up as much as I'm gonna and any new information will not help! :D Although I do have one SIL who constantly says my daughter is "always on Facebook". :glare: I want to say, "It takes one to know one." I'm not sure why she points this out so often, unless she wants me to mention her underaged dd's FB references to beer pong...but I would never do that. :tongue_smilie:

[Heather in Neverland]

I honestly think that for MOST healthy babies, vaccinations are safe. But it is just hard to know for sure whether or not your baby is going to be the one who has a reacation.

 

This sentence is key to me. Both of my boys are fully vaxed. I never even thought about it. But then my friends son was diagnosed with autism and I saw with my own eyes the difference in that boy. We see them every summer. One summer he was a happy playing baby and the next...whoa, what a difference...he was CLEARLY autistic and his mother says she can pinpoint it to his vaccinations.

 

Do I believe that it is true? I have no idea. Why are my kids fine fully vaxed and hers isn't? Did I just get lucky? Did she just get unlucky?

 

So now we have Natalie and the government here requires certain vaccinations (it is called a 6 in 1 and that sounds a little scary to me). And now I start to wonder, should I do it? Am I pressing my luck? SHould I do some sort of alternate schedule?

 

At any rate, every website you read, every person you ask, has a different opinion and it makes it very hard to make such a life-changing decision. :confused:

 

OK, back on topic... an example, I have one birth child. I did not breastfeed him. I have my reasons and I don't think I should have to share them with anyone. But people would see me giving him a bottle and the tirade would begin. One "friend" was LITERALLY screaming at me! What makes her think I would take advice from someone who acts like such a lunatic? :tongue_smilie:

[Crimson Wife]

Oh, and don't forget about delivering the baby (I guess you miss this one since your adopting. . . ) - natural or epi? I had an epi with both the first ones, but I'm taking lamaze this time and am thinking of all natural. No real conviction to do it that way, just want to try it.

 

If you'd like to do a drug-free delivery, I personally found the Bradley method far superior to Lamaze. I tried Lamaze with my oldest and it didn't help at all. I wound up getting an epi as soon as I got to 4 cm & the hospital allowed it. With Bradley, I was able to manage my pain until transition, by which point I was only 10 minutes away from fully dilated & it would've been pointless to get the epi.

[AuntieM]

Why are mothers so vicious about their parenting choices?

 

Perhaps because they reached their own initial conclusions while horribly sleep deprived and after the fact feel a vehement need to defend their decisions?

 

I dunno... sorry you are revisiting *that* side of things. Just smell your sweet baby's head and remember Philippians 4:8.

 

And take a nap whenever you can!