Backing out of a commitment to a homeschool coop ...

[5KidzRUs]

The college my 17 year old son goes to is (20 miles away) out of town - they called late Friday to tell me that his calculus class is canceled. My son can not drive himself and there are no carpool options. The only other class available for his degree would conflict with an art class that I teach.

There are 5 children in the art class and it meets during a co-op once a week.

I need to back out of this commitment as college takes precedence ... right?

I do not want to break my word that I would teach the whole year. I thought maybe I can offer to organize art class 'field trips' and courses via other local art professionals. What are your thoughts on all of this?

[Amy in NH]

Offer to teach at another time that doesn't conflict with your son's schedule.

[JudoMom]

The college my 17 year old son goes to is (20 miles away) out of town - they called late Friday to tell me that his calculus class is canceled. My son can not drive himself and there are no carpool options. The only other class available for his degree would conflict with an art class that I teach.

There are 5 children in the art class and it meets during a co-op once a week.

I need to back out of this commitment as college takes precedence ... right?

I do not want to break my word that I would teach the whole year. I thought maybe I can offer to organize art class 'field trips' and courses via other local art professionals. What are your thoughts on all of this?

 

I know it would be inconvenient, but could you drop your son off early at college so you can still make the co-op?

[Soph the vet]

As the Director of a homeschool co-op, I would be chagrined to hear you could not keep your initial commitment as flexible as I realize we all need to be. At 17, how important is it for your ds to take calculus right now this semester? It seems there must be other ways around this that would allow you to honor your commitment.

Just my two cents, but I know I would be very disappointed if a teacher abruptly changed the game plan midway through the year. I've had it happen, but it was due to a major accident and not anything within their control.

[kalanamak]

I need to back out of this commitment as college takes precedence ... right?

I do not want to break my word that I would teach the whole year. I thought maybe I can offer to organize art class 'field trips' and courses via other local art professionals. What are your thoughts on all of this?

 

Can you offer to do it at another time? With only 5 they might be able to adjust. What a about fewer "mega classes" on Saturdays? Some art, some art history, and a field trip here and there.

Right, college takes precedence.

[unsinkable]

The college my 17 year old son goes to is (20 miles away) out of town - they called late Friday to tell me that his calculus class is canceled. My son can not drive himself and there are no carpool options. The only other class available for his degree would conflict with an art class that I teach.

There are 5 children in the art class and it meets during a co-op once a week.

I need to back out of this commitment as college takes precedence ... right?

I do not want to break my word that I would teach the whole year. I thought maybe I can offer to organize art class 'field trips' and courses via other local art professionals. What are your thoughts on all of this?

 

Can you still plan the classes and have other moms carry out the actual teaching?

 

For your son:

 

Can he go early?

 

Is there a bus? Is a cab an option? Is there a retired person available to take him?

 

What about a mom from the co-op who doesn't have another commitment?

 

What about once the actual class starts...maybe he can find another student that can help out?

 

Good luck!

 

Your first commitment is to your own family, IMO.

[5KidzRUs]

At 17, how important is it for your ds to take calculus right now this semester?

 

He needs this class this semester - if he does not take it then his transfer to medical school will be delayed. No other classes towards his degree are available this semester.

I do not know if there are any online calculus classes available - but he wants to maintain his high GPA and wants to take all his classes in person.

[cara]

Could you drop him off early and still make it to your class while working on getting him his license. What about public transportation?

[eight_gregorys]

Well I'll through my two cents in. I think your son should be your number one priority. I also think that you should try to honor your commitment as well. I'd try to find another time for the art class that everyone could make and do it then. When it comes to things like this, I think everyone needs to be flexible and not just you. If your son not taking this class is going to affect his future, then what other choice do you have?

[Pretty in Pink]

I would try to make both happen.

 

Why can't your ds drive himself? Is it a license issue, lack of vehicle, etc? If it's the former, make him get his license; if it's the latter, maybe he could use the family car and you could carpool with other co-op members. How far away is the college? If you explain your dilemma and the distance isn't great, maybe some other co-op parents would be willing to drive him if you comp them gas money? Could he carpool with another student?

 

Can you drop your ds of early? He could hit the campus library and use the extra time to study.

 

Would it help to swap class times with another teacher in the co-op so that your class is earlier or later?

 

Is your ds planning to take summer courses? If he was planning a summer break, could he take this class over the summer instead?

 

Is either class (the math that got cancelled or the class he's replacing it with) available online? I'm taking an online math course right now and it's not that bad once you get used to entering your answers. There are many options within my course for video tutorials, powerpoints, and other assistance when studying, my instructor is quick to respond to all emails, and if you're still stuck he is available for face to face meetings by appointment. The whole class has a face to face next week to sharpen our skills on the graphing calculator.

 

Could you do all of the lesson planning and let another parent teach? I bet somebody would step up rather that let the class be cancelled.

Edited January 17, 2010 by Pretty in Pink

[2cents]

If you have exhausted all other possibilities then IMO the college comes 1st.

What about asking the coop to get a substitute that you can give the weekly plans to and the substitute/parent stand-in can deliver the info to the class. You would still have responsibility for the content and the work of planning but a sub could attend to the class. As long as you made it easy for a sub, you might get volunteers.

[Murphy101]

College first IMHO

I'd offer another day, but otherwise I'd have to cancel.

 

I don't know about you, but some of the suggestions for keeping the coop commitment sound very expensive to me. A cab every week? Yikes.

 

My oldest will be able legally to get a drivers permit in 6 months. We've already explained that won't be happening because a.) there is zero way we can afford to add a teen driver to our insurance and b.) it is our firm belief that older is safer. (I didn't get mine until I was 19 and dh got his at 16.)

 

I do think it is very frustrating when these things happen and you should notify the coop asap, but it does happen and unless you were perpetually flakey, I would be very understanding.

[unsinkable]

College first IMHO

I'd offer another day, but otherwise I'd have to cancel.

 

I don't know about you, but some of the suggestions for keeping the coop commitment sound very expensive to me. A cab every week? Yikes.

 

My oldest will be able legally to get a drivers permit in 6 months. We've already explained that won't be happening because a.) there is zero way we can afford to add a teen driver to our insurance and b.) it is our firm belief that older is safer. (I didn't get mine until I was 19 and dh got his at 16.)

 

I do think it is very frustrating when these things happen and you should notify the coop asap, but it does happen and unless you were perpetually flakey, I would be very understanding.

 

 

Feel free to criticize my well-intentioned thoughts. Yikes, indeed.

[Murphy101]

Feel free to criticize my well-intentioned thoughts. Yikes, indeed.

 

I'm sorry. :blush:

I didn't think ill of your thoughts at all.

I'm certain they are well-intentioned.

I was only saying that because I honestly do think they are expensive options (at least for me and thus possibly for others) and that I would not expect that in order to keep their commitment. I would find that an extraordinary measure on her part. Which is great if she can and is willing to do that.

 

Again, I'm sorry if you took my opinion as a personal attack in some way.

It truely was not at all intended that way.:blush:

If she were to be able and willing to do that, then I think that's wonderful generous of her.

[rosehaven]

Your son comes first. Life happens and you need to try to let the co-op know so THEY can make adjustments.

 

God bless

[Starr]

I would try the idea of working up the art projects, lessons, so someone else could implement them.

[Tidbits of Learning]

College comes first. I would not try to take Calculus online unless your son already knows calculus. I wouldn't take anything higher than college algebra in an online math class. That is just my opinion.

We live in a large city and my kids won't have a license or car at 17. If we lived where I grew up, they would; but here, no way. Too many exits, too many deadlock traffic jams, too many bad places you could accidentally wind up at b/c of a wrong exit.

My advise would be to tell the co-op coordinator ASAP and then see what their suggestions are to not break the commitment. My child would come first and I would make sure they got to their college commitment.

If they couldn't change the time for the co-op so that you could honor your commitment, then I would give ample time for them to arrange for another teacher.

This is the very reason that I am leery of co-ops. It is very hard to get out once you commit without feeling awful or feeling like you are putting the co-op needs before your family needs.

You need to put your homeschool/college/family needs first. I don't think you should feel guilty or feel like you haven't done enough to honor your commitment. Your first commitment is to your family and your family's needs.

College classes go in a schedule and often times if you miss a class, then it won't be offered again for a full year which could put back your college aims/goals/graduation/transfer by a year.

[Erica in PA]

He needs this class this semester - if he does not take it then his transfer to medical school will be delayed. No other classes towards his degree are available this semester.

I do not know if there are any online calculus classes available - but he wants to maintain his high GPA and wants to take all his classes in person.

 

What about summer school?

[Dobela]

Contact the college student services office (or whatever it is called) and let them know you are having a conflict. They may very likely have the names of other students your son could ride with on those days. He may have to pay gas, or hang out at college while they are in class, but it can work. But he can use that time for study/research in the library while waiting. I know when I was working on my degree there were times the students services offie called me asking if I could temporarily provide transportation to someone. Once the person's car was totaled and another time the person was injured and couldn't drive for several weeks.

[Impish]

I would put my child's college education ahead of a volunteer commitment every time.

 

Call and let the coop folks know you've got an issue. Offer another day if its doable for you.

 

Its a class of 5 children. An art class. I'm sorry, maybe I'm too medicated or something, but College Calculus vs art class...College wins out.

 

Do what you can to keep your commitment...be it finding a sub, prepping lessons, offering another day...but at the end of it all, getting your son to and from his college class outranks a coop.

 

*ducking to avoid the flames*

[kpupg]

Well I'll through my two cents in. I think your son should be your number one priority. I also think that you should try to honor your commitment as well.

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

And if the conflict cannot be finessed, your child always comes first.

 

IMHO.

 

Karen

[5KidzRUs]

Thank you all for the many thoughtful suggestions.

He can not drive himself because he does (have a permit, but) not have a drivers license. Even if he were a (new) driver, we have only one car and it is a 14 seater van that would not be realistic for him to drive as a first car. Also, the route to this town is a bit dangerous (IMO). We move this summer and then we will look into getting a smaller car - at that point he can drive when he is safely ready.

I will let you all know how this turns out. I am also going to have to pull my other children out of the co-op because we will be at the college from 10 AM to 9 PM. It really is too far to go there and come back twice a day. Cab would be cost prohibitive - there is no bus service there, we are sorta out in farm land country.

Summer school is already accounted for - I think organic chem 1.

Thank you all again for helping me give this thought from so many perspectives.

Edited January 17, 2010 by 5KidzRUs

[5KidzRUs]

I like the idea of dropping him off early.

 

I was thinking about that - but I would need to leave here around 5 AM - to get him there by 6 AM and get the other children and get back here in town to co-op by 7:30 AM. In which case he would be there from 6 AM to 9 PM with only one class in the morning and one at night. :001_huh:

[Sonshine]

I am there with you - a 17 year old taking community college classes and in a co-op with my much younger kids. Absolutely the 17 year old takes priority. If you are trying to help him keep his GPA up for medical school entrance, that is a very top priority. If you found an academic situation that suits him, don't monkey around with it. Let the leadership know and don't look back. Minimize your time feeling guilty.

[Pretty in Pink]

After reading your most recent post it sounds like co-op has got to go. I'd let those in charge know ASAP. They still might be able to find another parent to take over for you. Don't feel guilty though, your child comes first.

[unsinkable]

I'm sorry. :blush:

I didn't think ill of your thoughts at all.

I'm certain they are well-intentioned.

I was only saying that because I honestly do think they are expensive options (at least for me and thus possibly for others) and that I would not expect that in order to keep their commitment. I would find that an extraordinary measure on her part. Which is great if she can and is willing to do that.

 

Again, I'm sorry if you took my opinion as a personal attack in some way.

It truely was not at all intended that way.:blush:

If she were to be able and willing to do that, then I think that's wonderful generous of her.

 

The point is, I was just throwing stuff out there. Every single suggestion I gave could be wrong for her but I wouldn't know that since I don't know her life. But I was trying to be helpful. Maybe something I wrote could have sparked another idea.

 

Cabs are expensive to some people but a way of life for others. Sometimes you can negotiate a flat fee for a ride, too.

 

But my point is moot b/c she said the cab was too expensive. So you were right.

[LND1218]

I think if you can arrange for someone else to teach it that's a great option.

 

My disclaimer - I take commitments I make very seriously. And I drive 30 miles to our group, so the drive isn't a big deal for me... I also leave home at 6:30 am to get to our group. And I get home around 6:00 pm to make it happen. But that's me... And we worked with this with my sister who can't drive (seizure disorder) but had to get to and from college. It was a hassle.

 

I don't know the ins and outs of the schedule, but I can't help but wonder why so many hours at the college. Is there a reason besides the drive back and forth that he will stay all day there if there are only 2 classes?

 

And even though the whole coop schedule doesn't work is there a way to just do the art class. Or do you have to be in the coop to teach. Could you just pull out your kids and still teach the class?

 

I would drop him off - then teach the class and go back and get him and take him back again. I know it's a lot of driving if you aren't used to it. But for me it beats staying out there all day or letting down the parents/students.

 

But again I don't have any idea of when you are teaching and when his classes are or why the day is so long. But if it were me, I would find a way to either change the time, find another teacher or just do it. It's quite possible another mom would be glad to do it or even an art teacher or something...

Hope it works out well for you...

[katilac]

I was thinking about that - but I would need to leave here around 5 AM - to get him there by 6 AM and get the other children and get back here in town to co-op by 7:30 AM. In which case he would be there from 6 AM to 9 PM with only one class in the morning and one at night. :001_huh:

 

But doesn't your current solution have all of you, including yourself and your two younger students, at the college from 10 am to 9 pm? I'd find that far more difficult than making the drive twice a day, plus I'd hate to force the other kids to drop out of co-op. It sounds like something you guys are fairly involved in.

 

Although I don't think you should feel awful if forced to cancel the class, I'd definitely explore other options, the first one being to do it at a different time, the second being to find another teacher to take over (perhaps using your plans?).

 

I'd also think long and hard before pulling the other two out of co-op, and then having everyone at the college for a very long day. Once a week would be too much for me, but twice a week? Three times a week? Depending on how frequently the class meets, that could really get overwhelming fast. Has the son in college truly investigated and tried to drum up car pool options? He's 17 and in pre-med; this is his job, not yours. It's not enough to check the bulletin board and say, nope, no car poolers out my way - - he has to post signs, talk to teachers and classmates, put it facebook! The thought of being on campus for a crazy long day might motivate him :D

 

Making a second trip is another 40 miles; even at 10 miles per gallon and $3 per gallon, that's $12 per trip or one day class - - $24 for a T/Th class; $36 for M/W/F. It's an expense you don't want to add, but if four of you are going to be on campus all day, you're going to wind up spending money at some point - - you'll forget to go to the grocery store, or you'll pack an ice chest and leave it at home, or you'll cave to the siren call of the vending machines that are everywhere on campus. Even if you're very thrifty and very organized, feeding four people (3 of them teen-age boys!) both lunch and dinner (at a minimum) out of an ice chest for one, two or three days every single week is a daunting task. Don't forget toting the school work for two students, and whatever you want or need to keep yourself busy when not actively 'teaching.' $

 

If both his class and the art class resume this week, I'd do everything possible to teach this week's class while working things out. Also, I can promise you that this is not going to be your last cancellation or conflict, so start thinking of a long-term solution. I often had schedules with long breaks between classes; it's a staple of college life. The whole family can't trek off to college with him for the next four years, right? :D He needs to be working hard to come up with other options, including earning some money to offset the gas if that's a big issue.

 

Oh, one more thought on co-op: the younger students are 13, correct? If you do the drive twice a day, is it possible for them to catch a ride to co-op, take the bus, etc? That's plenty old enough to be at home by themselves for a couple of hours here and there. I just keep thinking that I'd be mightily peeved at my big brother if his schedule forced me to give up activities I enjoyed, and be stuck at his campus for some very long days. College for son #1 might be a higher priority than teaching art class, but it's not a higher priority than schoo/learning/life for sons 2 & 3, y'know?

 

Good luck; I'm sure you'll figure something out.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

The college my 17 year old son goes to is (20 miles away) out of town - they called late Friday to tell me that his calculus class is canceled. My son can not drive himself and there are no carpool options. The only other class available for his degree would conflict with an art class that I teach.

There are 5 children in the art class and it meets during a co-op once a week.

I need to back out of this commitment as college takes precedence ... right?

I do not want to break my word that I would teach the whole year. I thought maybe I can offer to organize art class 'field trips' and courses via other local art professionals. What are your thoughts on all of this?

 

 

Have you put the word out to the other co-op families? Perhaps there is another family with older siblings at the same college, who would be willing to carpool. Perhaps (if they're not needed at co-op first thing int he morning) they could drive your ds on co-op days, and you could drive their dc another day.

[Tidbits of Learning]

Just from reading your last few posts, it sounds like you are ready to take everyone out of the co-op but feel obligated b/c of teaching a class. I know at the co-op that we attended everyone was forced to teach a class for their child to attend. It really did feel like a tie that binded hard when the co-op didn't work for people and there were people who really didn't want to be there.

That is a hard situation to feel tied down to and it will effect how you act at the co-op and how you view the co-op. If you aren't going to have your children at the co-op, then I would just tell the co-op that we had a scheduling conflict with college which IMO is more important than a volunteer co-op.

I wouldn't let anyone anywhere put me in a position of guilt b/c of doing what was best for my family.

I think you should speak to the co-op as soon as you can so that they can make other arrangements. This is all my personal opinion, but reading your posts it doesn't sound as if you plan to continue the co-op with your own children and that you just feel bad that you are tied to the co-op by committing to teach this class.

[Rosy]

I would back out of the co-op and offer all my class prep work and any materials the parents had already paid for to the co-op. I think if you gave your class notes, syllabi, lesson plans, etc. to the co-op, it probably wouldn't be too hard for them to find someone to take over the class for you. Someone might welcome the opportunity to teach a class that had already been planned and prepped. Or those 5 kids could take a different class during that hour if they have multiple class offerings each period. It is important to honor commitments, but when you have conflicting commitments, your kids always come first IMHO.

[EthiopianFood]

I often had schedules with long breaks between classes; it's a staple of college life. The whole family can't trek off to college with him for the next four years, right? :D He needs to be working hard to come up with other options, including earning some money to offset the gas if that's a big issue.

 

....

 

College for son #1 might be a higher priority than teaching art class, but it's not a higher priority than schoo/learning/life for sons 2 & 3, y'know?

 

:iagree:Especially the bolded part. I guess I'm confused why he's not trying to figure this out himself (or maybe he is?). Why is it assumed that you have to drive him, or that he can't be inconvenienced despite your commitment? I read all your reasons for why a cab or the bus won't work, but honestly, any other college student would just have to make it work or suffer the unfortunate consequences. I don't know your situation, obviously, this is just my impression of things. Is there a "two cents" smilie here, or am I just too tired to see it? :closedeyes:

[StephanieZ]

What if you contacted the coop leaders and offered that if they could find your ds a reliable ride to his class, you could still teach. The parents of your 5 students might well be willing to take turns giving your son a ride. If the ride fell through, you'd just have to cancel class that day and take him yourself.

 

Personally, if I were one of the moms and didn't have other conflicts, I'd be happy to take a 40 min roundtrip excursion all by my lonesome (well except for your nearly adult son) in the middle of my school day. It'd be a break!!

 

It is nice to offer alternatives -- even relatively farfetched ones -- just for the sake of showing that you want to make it work.

 

Just a thought.

[Sonshine]

I think some of you are being a little hard on the OP. We don't know her budget so that extra gas money may be a big deal to her family. Also, at least in our family, we all work and brainstorm together to try to solve these types of logistics problems. Sometimes there are no easy solutions. We live in a big city and there was no bus service to a community college our son attended last semester. He decided to add some extra classes at the last minute. Because they were last minute additions he had to take the classes at inconvenient times, that affected everyone else's schedule. If I had thought that these weren't important classes, I would not have been willing to drive him. But they were a good choice and I did drive him and it did add a big wrinkle to our schedule. I agree that the OP shouldn't make a habit of canceling commitments like the co-op but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she doesn't do that. Sometimes in family life there is no ideal solution and we just have to make the best choice.

 

I do appreciate being able to come to this board and get everyone's suggestions - sometimes there is an answer I hadn't thought of. You ladies are generous to take your time to help one another out.

[Carol in Cal.]

It is perfectly reasonable to support him.

And Calculus is utterly foundational. It is the key college math class, and it is crucial to master it properly.

Don't compromise on this one. Make that class happen, and let the chips fall where they may.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Just from reading your last few posts, it sounds like you are ready to take everyone out of the co-op but feel obligated b/c of teaching a class. I know at the co-op that we attended everyone was forced to teach a class for their child to attend. It really did feel like a tie that binded hard when the co-op didn't work for people and there were people who really didn't want to be there.

That is a hard situation to feel tied down to and it will effect how you act at the co-op and how you view the co-op. If you aren't going to have your children at the co-op, then I would just tell the co-op that we had a scheduling conflict with college which IMO is more important than a volunteer co-op.

I wouldn't let anyone anywhere put me in a position of guilt b/c of doing what was best for my family.

I think you should speak to the co-op as soon as you can so that they can make other arrangements. This is all my personal opinion, but reading your posts it doesn't sound as if you plan to continue the co-op with your own children and that you just feel bad that you are tied to the co-op by committing to teach this class.

:iagree::iagree:

Obviously we try to keep out promises, but in this case it seems that it would be an extreme hardship to try to do both and yes I do think the chemistry is very important and should not be sacrificed. Is there not another parent at the co-op who could take over?