s/o--How did *you* know that you were done having children?

[LizzyBee]

My dh said no more.

[Denisemomof4]

when I was pregnant with my third, I was already crying for my next baby. But I didn't want another pregnancy (too hard on me) and desperately wanted to adopt. Before I went to China to get my baby, I started to pray for the next. But once we got her and she came to us so troubled, I absolutely knew we were done. Dh is pushing 49, me 47 so now I'm at TOTAL peace and have been for a few years now.

 

I always wanted a very large family but we've stopped at four.

[LauraGB]

Honestly, I was never planning to have bio children. Go figure. So, I guess my answer as to when I knew I was done would be "in the delivery room."

 

However, while I don't ever see myself actively seeking another child, if a situation presented itself, I don't think either one of us would be opposed to adoption.

[Audrey]

Or...if you're NOT done...how do you know? Total fluff question, but the other thread just got me thinking.

 

So, fire away!

 

For me, it was 2 things.

1st - I believe it would be morally egregious to have more children than would replace the 2 of us.

2nd - After ds was born, the feeling was mutual between dh and I that our family was complete at 3.

Edited December 31, 2009 by Audrey

[kalanamak]

I wasn't taking the risk of a child after the age of 44, so it was snip-snip. I then suggested adoption, but hubby said "I think another one would kill me". He did the brunt of baby care, so I listened to him.

[IsabelC]

I know because my husband won't agree to any more! And I have to accept that because we agreed on it before we even got married.

[AnitaMcC]

Or...if you're NOT done...how do you know? Total fluff question, but the other thread just got me thinking.

 

So, fire away!

 

With my health, age, and that we have 7 kids (nephew 29, niece 23, nephew 20, Ds 14, Dd 14, Ds 10, Ds 8), finances/space is tight, having 4 high needs kids takes so much of our energy and no way can we handle more... We just know we are done.

 

If I was to become pregnant again... my doctors would probably commit me to a psych ward.

 

Oh and the fact that each baby was bigger than the last told me to stop.... Ds1 was 4lbs 7oz, Dd was 5lbs 1 oz (they are twins), Ds2 was 7lbs 8 oz, and Ds3 was 8lbs 7 ozs.... figured the next one would be over 9lbs... um no thanks-LOL.

Edited January 1, 2010 by AnitaMcC

[Lolly]

Or...if you're NOT done...how do you know? Total fluff question, but the other thread just got me thinking.

 

So, fire away!

 

Dh told me I was.:glare:

[JenneinCA]

After three late (16, 19 and 17 week) miscarriages, we had to stop. The emotional cost was too much. I still would love to have had another little one, but I can't try again. The pain is to great even now, for both me and my husband.

[laughing lioness]

We quit getting pregnant. We both would have loved 1-2 more, but in the past 15 years of no bc, we've only had 3 pregnancies (for a total of 5 kids altogether:001_smile:).

[justamouse]

I don't know?

 

All 7 of them were surprises that I am so blessed with (I was on some sort of BC every time). I'm pushing 40, Dh is 9 years older and although I get massive bouts of baby lust and my ovaries do a jig I know it would be hard on him. He won't get snipped and neither will I so if there's a caboose there's a caboose but we're really not going for it. That said, I'm very ready for the next phase of my life with my children older and I'm harping on my brother to hurry up and get married so I can smell a baby when I need to. Or kiss the backs of their knees and little tushies.

[Supertechmom]

When I barfed blood and stomach lining. Each pregnancy was worse than the previous one and this last one nearly killed me. The 12 year old BOY ran the household, cooked the meals, while the middle child entertained the toddler while I barfed and barfed. I knew I couldn't do that again to myself or put the kids through that. The ivs were miserable, the drugs worse, and I knew at week 11 that this was the very. last. one.

[mama2cntrykids]

When I barfed blood and stomach lining. Each pregnancy was worse than the previous one and this last one nearly killed me. The 12 year old BOY ran the household, cooked the meals, while the middle child entertained the toddler while I barfed and barfed. I knew I couldn't do that again to myself or put the kids through that. The ivs were miserable, the drugs worse, and I knew at week 11 that this was the very. last. one.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[elise1mds]

I just always knew that two was my limit. And I've never looked back from that. Now that my 'baby' is almost 5, there are times I miss being able to cuddle for hours on end, but with that comes the knowledge that I'd also be dealing with more complicated car seats and potty training, and I don't really get nostalgic. My OB/GYN keeps asking if I'm sure, and I have to keep reminding her that DH has been 'fixed.' I'm sure.

[Parrothead]

We didn't have any say-so in being done. A power higher than us decided for us.

[nukeswife]

We always said we'd have 3, then when dd came along, she was a handful and we thought "Well 2 is nice too" but then as she got to be about 3 she was a breeze so we went back to "3 is perfect" When I had our 3rd it was just that perfect. The Ultimate easy pregnancy, quick labor and delivery and a perfectly healthy boy. I just had this feeling of satisfaction and completeness.

 

Then when youngest was about 18 months I thought "One more would be great" DH said nope, he was satisfied and done and I agreed to the big V. The day he had it done I was a little sad, but the next day I woke up feeling so good and relieved that he had persuaded me to go through with it. I get pregnant and the drop of a hat so we always had to be really careful if we weren't trying. It's been about 3 years since we decided to stop having kids and I don't regret it at all. I'm very content with my life and the size of our family.

[jld]

When I thought my organs were falling out. I saw a specialist in Chicago who said they weren't, that is was just loose tissue, but now I am too scared to have any more.

 

I think almost daily about how much I would have enjoyed having two more children.

[Lilymax]

I think about this every single day. I don't feel done, but DH does. My last pregnancy was very stressful, particularly the postpartum weeks when I had a weird cardiac issue. The cardiologist never could quite determine what was going on, but told me to think carefully before trying for another baby. My OB also thinks I should just be grateful for what I have and get my tubes tied. It isn't that another pregnancy would definitely be detrimental to my health...they are more like, why gamble when you already have three?

 

I am grateful for three healthy boys...they are all miracles. I always wanted four children, and a daughter as well, but we got started late due to infertility. Now I'm 41 and if I'm honest, this last baby has worn me out physically! But the whole family is enjoying him so much. I see my older two playing together and it hurts my heart that my youngest will probably not have a sibling close in age. I wish so much that we could have just one more.

 

I am fine with leaving it up to God but DH isn't so sure. DS3 is 3 months old and we need to figure out what we're doing. If I knew for sure that I could have a healthy pregnancy, I think even DH would be on board for trying to conceive again. But there are no guarantees, so...I just don't know.

 

I envy those of you who know for sure that you're done. It sure would easier for me if I felt that!

[TammyinTN]

Or...if you're NOT done...how do you know? Total fluff question, but the other thread just got me thinking.

 

So, fire away!

 

The last one was an absolute miracle-took 3 miscarriages and 8 years to have him. Once we had him we knew our lives were complete. We were blessed with 3 great kids.

[Peela]

I never got that feeling of being done- I still get clucky and still could have another one or two. Sometimes that ache is really strong, sometimes its barely there.

But...life has other plans for me. Dh knew he was done after ds was born- he has another dd, not with me, so 3 was enough for him and he has always been very clear about that, even while feeling compassion for my feelings.

I count my blessings having two beautiful, happy, healthy children, but I never got the feeling of being "done" with having kids.

[elegantlion]

1. Kids are expensive. Dh and I didn't think we could afford more than one.

 

2. I hated being pregnant.

 

3. I never had any desire, after dd was born, to have another.

 

So in a nutshell, that's my two cents.

 

astrid

 

:iagree: Although we arrived at those conclusions differently the three reasons still fit. Plus I had to have a c-section (full anesthesia) because of complications from a previous surgery. The doctor kindly suggested I shouldn't be pregnant anymore and I agreed. I think dh sighed as I was bear during pregnancy. Ds was totally healthy even though he was three weeks early.

 

We left the idea of adoption open for a while, but agreed a few years ago that our family is complete with one.

[Nestof3]

My husband, who is 50 years old and 13 years my senior, and I feel that we are best with the three we have. He has a manual labor job and is self-employed, so we don't have a nice retirement plan or such waiting for us. He would have to keep up his present pace for quite some time in order to afford more and still be able to responsibly save for our future.

 

Our younger two are quite spirited, and we also feel like our attention would be divided too much with more. If my husband were younger, I'd probably have another, but I don't want to overwhelm him. My husband and I are both high-strung personalities, and I am somewhat OCD. I NEED to accomplish everything in a day. I need to be up on the laundry, I cannot handle disorder in my home, and I am also responsible for all of the business and personal paperwork and homeschooling.

 

I have far more relaxed friends who make statements like, "I am never behind in schooling or anything else. If one thing gets crossed off my list, that is fine." I cannot operate like that.

 

My husband and I have had to accept the fact that we are limited in our emotional and financial resources. I don't want to go through life feeling guilty because I am happy I can exercise daily, have some free time here and there for making cards and scrapbooking. I don't want to feel guilty because my husband and I are able to enjoy weekly datenights. I love my boys, but I also love pursuing my own creative efforts and my husband. I will always miss breastfeeding. I will always miss rocking that little one to sleep. I will always cry when I see our baby videos or look through their baby boxes. But, I really love getting through those demanding years and feeling like another side of me is coming alive. An older, more confident person who wants to experience new things too.

 

Another thing is, I became a mom the moment I married my husband, and it was very draining for me. I feel like that really aged me and took a lot out of me. So, I never had any relaxing pre-children years to enjoy my husband without that constant knowing that another person may need you at any moment. We are at a place now where we may be able to go to England in a few years, and I am looking forward to doing something like that.

 

I guess we are just entering a new phase in our life -- probably a little early for me at 37, but not early for my husband at 50. If I were to have a child now, he or she wouldn't move out until my husband is over 70. That's just not something we want to do.

[Dobela]

For me it was the loss of 'that feeling'. Before dd 2 was born I just felt incomplete like we were searching for someone. After she came, that yearning went away. I also was no longer sentimental about everything we owned baby and was not only able to give it away, I was anxious to get it out of our house. I now see babies and don't have this overwhelming desire to hold them and keep them as before either. I guess you culd say that over all I feel contented.

[Renee in NC]

My husband, who is 50 years old and 13 years my senior, and I feel that we are best with the three we have. He has a manual labor job and is self-employed, so we don't have a nice retirement plan or such waiting for us. He would have to keep up his present pace for quite some time in order to afford more and still be able to responsibly save for our future.

 

 

 

Dawn, totally OT, but I would never have guessed you were 37! I thought you were younger than me (I'm 33!)

[Lovedtodeath]

I was just starting to be healthy and get a handle on things when I got pregnant with DS. My life immediately fell apart and is still a mess. Mental and physical health, schedules, house, meeting attendance (religious) everything is ruined. So I do not want to go through that again, ever!

 

I do so love my little baby boy! He is our last.

[Lovedtodeath]

Renee, we are the same age. ;)

 

I love my boys, but I also love pursuing my own creative efforts and my husband. I will always miss breastfeeding. I will always miss rocking that little one to sleep. I will always cry when I see our baby videos or look through their baby boxes. But, I really love getting through those demanding years and feeling like another side of me is coming alive. An older, more confident person who wants to experience new things too.

This is my feeling on the matter exactly. I was starting to get to the place of having my own life and my own time when baby #2 came along. We are so glad that we have more than one, but I want to get back to that.

[Lovedtodeath]

I am perfectly content with the 3 I have. I HATE being pregnant. however...

 

When people ask dh how many we are going to have, he says "until she wears out" (only half-joking)

Using BC is not an option and I have heard so many of my friends regret vasectomies, it makes me weary.

So, my dh has agreed to wait until my ds is 1 yr old before there are no limitations (I follow my cycle right now)...

 

Anyone been in this situation? I seem to only hear those of you who want more but their dh doesn't...anyone the other way around? btw, if I could just go through labor but not have to deal with the first 3 mo of pgcy, etc, I would be fine with having many more - oh, and I could skip the 18mo test-the-limits/tantrum phase :glare:

Yes. You must find some way. You will so resent your husband if he makes you have more. My poor cousin has had 4 kids within 6 years and only wanted 2. She makes the children miserable as well. DH may be head of the household, but having a baby is all on the mother and no one should ever make her do it or talk her into it.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

This is one of the logical points I have made to my dh. That he would not be unhappy to have another child, even if it wasn't what he sought. But I am unhappy not to have another child. I have known people who regretted being sterilized, but I have never met anyone who was sorry they had another child.

Well, you love your children even if you think getting pregnant with another was one of the dumbest decisions of your life. I know of at least 2 people who feel that way. I am somewhere in the middle.

[littlebug42]

This is a realization that has come to me gradually. I have two children and have had two miscarriages. For my two dc, I had very difficult pregnancies, with the second I was hospitalized 3 times in the first trimester alone which made it very difficult to take care of my oldest who was 18 months old at the time. I know that now, at 38, any pregnancies would only be more difficult. We cannot afford to lose my income and I cannot deprive my dc of their mother for 9 months to have another baby. For these reasons, my dh is also dead set against more children. He does not want to see me suffer through another pregnancy and of course, he has financial concerns.

[OneRoomSchoolHouse]

Dh wanted 3 and I wanted 5. After #3, dh said we were done, but he saw how I longed for another. We decided to try for another, but after almost a year with no results and the fact that we would be moving again, he decided we were done. I turned up pg two months ago and neither of us can figure out how (you know what I mean:glare:). So, here I sit at 8 weeks and so incredibly nauseated I know we are done! I wanted #4 because I worked with the other 3 and was never able to fully enjoy nursing or slinging a baby. Oh, and this will be C-section #4...that's plenty of surgery for me!

[Garga]

After my 1st son, I was not done. I just simply wanted more. It wasn't a crazy desire or a deep longing, but I just was excited about the thought of another one. So we had #2.

 

But now, after just 2 kids, I know I'm done because I have no, zero, nada desire to have any more.

 

I look at babies and do not want to take them home. The idea of having a newborn/toddler makes me cringe. I'm just DONE.

[Nestof3]

Dawn, totally OT, but I would never have guessed you were 37! I thought you were younger than me (I'm 33!)

 

Thanks, buy you'd probably change your mind if you met me in person. LOL It's amazing how things have changed in my 30's. :glare: