Scarlett Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Just checking in after being sort of away from the boards. Divorce still taking FOREVER to finalize. Stbx is getting angrier by the day because I won't settle with him his way. Basically I told him it is going to be my way (mostly at least) or the Judge's way. He knows I hold all the marbles and he has lost total control of me. I've gained a few pounds back! This is good news since I got down to 112. 119 is a much better place for me to be and still 20 pounds less than I was when I first found out in May. I was really enjoying the month or so there that I could eat ANYTHING and not gain an ounce. I'd like to stay at 120 though, so time to get back to reality with regards to food choices. Totally off the Cymbalta and sleep meds. I sometimes take a melatonin, but not always. Sleeping better, but realizing that part of my problem is hating to go to bed in the actual bed. I won't get in it until I am just about to drop from sheer exhaustion. Sometimes I stop at ds's room on the way to my room and lie down by him. Now that I've recognized this trigger, hoping to just get over it. I need new pretty bedding---come to think of it, I need a new bedroom set completely. I have put off doing this not knowing where I will be living when the divorce is final. School is going fine. I've been slightly annoyed by the hoops the state keeps adding for us Virtual people to jump through. However, I'm commited to the VA for the year so I might as well be happy as annoyed. I think ds9 is doing ok with the whole divorce thing. I've been a little unhinged this fall at times, but I'm feeling better and hope to be a good mother to my precious son. Ok, that is my update for those who are interested and my apologies to those who do not care at all. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 I have thought of you and wondered how you were doing. Thanks for the update.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Thanks for letting us know how your are, Scarlett. I'm sorry it's taking so long. If you don't want to get a new bedroom set right now, could you just take off the headboard and put something cute on the wall to act as a headboard? They're always creating such interesting headboards on HGTV w/plywood, foam, and some fabric. Then get a new bed ensemble and it's transformed into something completely different! Praying for you and your son! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Just checking in after being sort of away from the boards. Divorce still taking FOREVER to finalize. Stbx is getting angrier by the day because I won't settle with him his way. Basically I told him it is going to be my way (mostly at least) or the Judge's way. He knows I hold all the marbles and he has lost total control of me. I've gained a few pounds back! This is good news since I got down to 112. 119 is a much better place for me to be and still 20 pounds less than I was when I first found out in May. I was really enjoying the month or so there that I could eat ANYTHING and not gain an ounce. I'd like to stay at 120 though, so time to get back to reality with regards to food choices. Totally off the Cymbalta and sleep meds. I sometimes take a melatonin, but not always. Sleeping better, but realizing that part of my problem is hating to go to bed in the actual bed. I won't get in it until I am just about to drop from sheer exhaustion. Sometimes I stop at ds's room on the way to my room and lie down by him. Now that I've recognized this trigger, hoping to just get over it. I need new pretty bedding---come to think of it, I need a new bedroom set completely. I have put off doing this not knowing where I will be living when the divorce is final. School is going fine. I've been slightly annoyed by the hoops the state keeps adding for us Virtual people to jump through. However, I'm commited to the VA for the year so I might as well be happy as annoyed. I think ds9 is doing ok with the whole divorce thing. I've been a little unhinged this fall at times, but I'm feeling better and hope to be a good mother to my precious son. Ok, that is my update for those who are interested and my apologies to those who do not care at all. :) I am so glad you are feeling better! Treat yourself to a pretty set of sheets, duvet, comforter, maybe just some throw pillows -- make the room 'yours.' And with your heart in the right place (and you know it is! :)) you are a wonderful mother to your little boy! I know what it is like to just want that court date to be OVER! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 I'm so glad things are going a bit better. I second the new bedding and would add that you get a nice scent from bath and bodyworks or something and spray the mattress! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 If you don't want to get a new bedroom set right now, could you just take off the headboard and put something cute on the wall to act as a headboard? They're always creating such interesting headboards on HGTV w/plywood, foam, and some fabric. Then get a new bed ensemble and it's transformed into something completely different! Great idea....not sure it is even possible with this ridiculous set. It is headboard/footboard and wood rails. The good news is that I've hated this suite since it was forced upon me by stbx MIL and stbxh. It is a Henredon set and apparently, according to the two of them, I just am too low class to have good taste in furniture. The funny thing, I worked in the furniture industry for 13 years. It cracks my friends up that the two of them think they know more than I do about furniture. I know one thing, even high end manufacturers like Henredon can make hideous furniture. :tongue_smilie: Mariann, I did throw away the sheets. And let him take the comforter. My mom gave me some sheets and a simple white spread so that has helped, but you are correct that I need something new and fabulous. It is definitely on my list of things to buy myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 I'm so glad things are going a bit better. I second the new bedding and would add that you get a nice scent from bath and bodyworks or something and spray the mattress! Oooooh....this is a great idea! I did take every. single. thing. of his out of the master bedroom and bath. But I swear sometimes I can still smell him. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzyfizzle Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 :grouphug: Just wanted to send some cyber-hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Mariann, I did throw away the sheets. And let him take the comforter. My mom gave me some sheets and a simple white spread so that has helped, but you are correct that I need something new and fabulous. It is definitely on my list of things to buy myself. Let's go SHOPPING!!!!!!!:auto::auto::auto:.....and then have lunch.....:hurray::hurray:....and then shop some more! :rolleyes: Sounds like a plan to me!;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhM Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 However, I'm commited to the VA for the year so I might as well be happy as annoyed. Thanks for the update! And thanks for this gem here - it's downright profound, and just what I need to hear today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Great idea....not sure it is even possible with this ridiculous set. It is headboard/footboard and wood rails. I know what you mean as our bed is set up like that. Perhaps you could call a mattress store and find out if they will sell you a metal mattress frame. I can't imagine they cost very much as they usually come free when you purchase a mattress. Whenever you are able to, sell your complete bedroom set on Craigslist and buy something else. People are always selling complete bedroom sets for a fraction of the new price on Craigslist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 This has to be really hard. It sounds like you are putting on a brave face! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 I know what you mean as our bed is set up like that. Perhaps you could call a mattress store and find out if they will sell you a metal mattress frame. I can't imagine they cost very much as they usually come free when you purchase a mattress. Whenever you are able to, sell your complete bedroom set on Craigslist and buy something else. People are always selling complete bedroom sets for a fraction of the new price on Craigslist. Oh, I can't sell this ugly piece of junk. Stbx wants it. And he can have it. LOL In fact, I was disappointed when he rented a furnished apt and couldn't take it with him. And I still have lots of furniture industry connections....I hope to get something fabulous. Yes! I am excited! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 This has to be really hard. It sounds like you are putting on a brave face! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Well, actually it isn't as hard as one might think. Happily married people think I must be suffering....Truth is I'm happy to be rid of him. In the words of Braveheart: FREEDOM! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 I'm glad to hear from you. Thanks for the update. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 Let's go SHOPPING!!!!!!!:auto::auto::auto:.....and then have lunch.....:hurray::hurray:....and then shop some more! :rolleyes: Sounds like a plan to me!;) Me too! I so wish we lived close enough to do this IRL instead of cyberly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Well, actually it isn't as hard as one might think. Happily married people think I must be suffering....Truth is I'm happy to be rid of him. In the words of Braveheart: FREEDOM! when I was going through this. My sister called her best friend and said to her (and not in a catty way): "You will not believe this. Mariann and $#%$^& are getting divorced." Her best friend replied (and not in a catty way either): "Thank heavens! Why would I not believe it? Your poor sister is SO unhappy...she deserves to be happy." In the end, the consensus was that the only individual who was surprised was the STBXH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Sounds like you are doing remarkably well under the circumstances. Hope you settle soon anf can get on with the business of living your life. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 I wondered when I didn't see you on the boards. I'm sorry the ex is still being a butt. Glad you're feeling better though, and hope you get the perfect bedroom suite that totally suits your taste once everything is finalized. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Thanks for the update. :grouphug: I had a similar thing with insomnia. I realized that the mattress was so uncomfortable that I was avoiding going to bed. Sam's Club online has a comfortable memory foam mattress for only about $200. If your old one is in good shape maybe you can get someone to buy it or at least take it on Craig's list. :) Get yourself some pretty bedding! You can move that with you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 when I was going through this. My sister called her best friend and said to her (and not in a catty way): "You will not believe this. Mariann and $#%$^& are getting divorced." Her best friend replied (and not in a catty way either): "Thank heavens! Why would I not believe it? Your poor sister is SO unhappy...she deserves to be happy." In the end, the consensus was that the only individual who was surprised was the STBXH. Yes, I've gotten a lot of 'Finally!'s from close friends and family. Even though those same people were never actually encouraging me to divorce him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kristin in Hawaii Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 "Do you know why divorce is so expensive?........ because it is so worth it!" Seriously, been there done that -- and my son was 9 too. Take a breath and know that the day WILL come when your attorney calls you and tells you it is all finished. Some people say.... oh sadness ... truthfully I felt so relieved! Please just know the hardest advice to follow is to stay as positive as possible with your son when discussing his father. No matter how lousy the father might behave.... PM me if you ever need to rant -- I will understand and help you to get past the moment so you you can frame it better for your son. It gets much easier over time. Now, 4 years out, we can speak and make plans regarding our son --though I still get annoyed. But it is civil and that makes my son so much more happy and at ease. Glad you trashed the sheets -- try to ignore the other until you can do something about it -- smile.... HTH, Kristin Well, actually it isn't as hard as one might think. Happily married people think I must be suffering....Truth is I'm happy to be rid of him. In the words of Braveheart: FREEDOM! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Big :grouphug:'s to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Mariann, I did throw away the sheets. And let him take the comforter. My mom gave me some sheets and a simple white spread so that has helped, but you are correct that I need something new and fabulous. It is definitely on my list of things to buy myself. I know what you need. You need a new quilt. If you are able to assemble, I'd be willing to donate a patch, international postage and all :) I've just participated in a wedding quilt. I rekon I could manage a patch for a divorce quilt too. It'd be snuggly and all about you :) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 I know what you need. You need a new quilt. If you are able to assemble, I'd be willing to donate a patch, international postage and all :) I've just participated in a wedding quilt. I rekon I could manage a patch for a divorce quilt too. It'd be snuggly and all about you :) Rosie OOhh! Cool idea--even I, the non-seamstress, would LOVE to do this for you! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Hang in there, hon! Love the idea of a quilt block! What colors are we talking about? I love this website for free patterns: http://www.quilterscache.com/QuiltBlocksGalore.html Edited October 27, 2009 by tex-mex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 I know what you need. You need a new quilt. If you are able to assemble, I'd be willing to donate a patch, international postage and all :) I've just participated in a wedding quilt. I rekon I could manage a patch for a divorce quilt too. It'd be snuggly and all about you :) Rosie OOhh! Cool idea--even I, the non-seamstress, would LOVE to do this for you! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Oh. my. word. My mom could help me put it all together and quilt it. My very own WTM divorce quilt. It makes me weepy and excited to think of it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanga Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 I'd love to contribute to the quilt! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 This is my new duvet cover, what do you think? I love it! And it's not expensive, especially considering that it's organic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I know what you need. You need a new quilt. If you are able to assemble, I'd be willing to donate a patch, international postage and all :) I've just participated in a wedding quilt. I rekon I could manage a patch for a divorce quilt too. It'd be snuggly and all about you :) Rosie Excellent idea! I'm in! Because freedom from butts should be celebrated! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Thanks for the update, Scarlett!!! I've been wondering how you've been holding up, and am glad to see that you've developed such a strong attitude as you've gone through this process. It's almost like you're a whole new person -- and I mean that in an entirely complimentary way! (And you know I liked you all along, anyway!) Hope the divorce is finalized soon! Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonesloonybin Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I am glad you are doing so well. Just as a side note: Every time I see stbxh I ALWAYS think "stupid ex husband" of course that could be because that is what I have and not a soon to be ex husband. (It doesn't matter that there is no "b" in stupid.) I just have alittle chuckle everytime. The one thing I forgot is that even after the call of freedom (as I call it) I still have to deal with him....sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Well chat to your Mum and let us know what size patches and any colour preferences or patch styles. Don't decide against appliqued white birds with red beaks and legs because that's my signature patch. Or it will be if I make one for you, because that'll be twice that I've done it. :D Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I'm in on the quilt as well. It would be a fun thing to do. Sorry this is all so difficult but it seems to be the way it goes. Hang on! :grouphug: If you want one of us to start the quilt square thread let one of us know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I want to do one, but I don't have any idea how to sew. Any suggestions? Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 28, 2009 Author Share Posted October 28, 2009 This is my new duvet cover, what do you think? I love it! And it's not expensive, especially considering that it's organic. It is lovely!!!! It makes me feel happy when I look at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 28, 2009 Author Share Posted October 28, 2009 Well chat to your Mum and let us know what size patches and any colour preferences or patch styles. Don't decide against appliqued white birds with red beaks and legs because that's my signature patch. Or it will be if I make one for you, because that'll be twice that I've done it. :D Rosie I don't think I should have any qualifiers on it...except size I guess. I'd love each one to be whatever you all want it to send. We did this for my Japanese 'sister' (an exchange student that we've stayed close to). For her going away party we asked every one to contribute a square and my mom put together a quilt. She loves it to this day...15 years later. You guys are the Bomb! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I want to do one, but I don't have any idea how to sew. Any suggestions? Barb I want to do one, too! I can sew, but I've never done anything related to a quilt --Rosie?? Will you take the lead and tell me where to start? :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I want to do one, too! I can sew, but I've never done anything related to a quilt --Rosie?? Will you take the lead and tell me where to start? :001_smile: It isn't hard to learn how to quilt. It is basic shapes and making sure your cloth is cut to size. Take for example this pattern: http://www.quilterscache.com/N/1941NinePatchBlock.html There are step by step directions to complete the block. 1/4" seams are the norm. Some bicker over quality of cloth or launder the fabric before sewing. Whoever is brave enough to lead us -- Rosie? ;) -- will decide the rules and guidelines for everyone to participate in. She'll decide on a theme, color, and deadline to turn them in. HTH! Beginning Quilting: http://www.tvq.com/beginners.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Count me in. Someone PM me with specifications and an address to send to. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 28, 2009 Author Share Posted October 28, 2009 Excellent idea! I'm in! Because freedom from butts should be celebrated! Ain't it the truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 28, 2009 Author Share Posted October 28, 2009 Thanks for the update, Scarlett!!! I've been wondering how you've been holding up, and am glad to see that you've developed such a strong attitude as you've gone through this process. It's almost like you're a whole new person -- and I mean that in an entirely complimentary way! (And you know I liked you all along, anyway!) Hope the divorce is finalized soon! Cat Thanks Cat. I've had several people on these boards pm me the same thing. That I am becoming the person I was meant to be. Wow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 28, 2009 Author Share Posted October 28, 2009 I am glad you are doing so well. Just as a side note: Every time I see stbxh I ALWAYS think "stupid ex husband" of course that could be because that is what I have and not a soon to be ex husband. (It doesn't matter that there is no "b" in stupid.) I just have alittle chuckle everytime. The one thing I forgot is that even after the call of freedom (as I call it) I still have to deal with him....sigh. I guess the stbxh is from marriage/divorce boards and all these happily married WTM women just dont get it. LOL....but what else can I call him? Board rules prohibit more descriptive names I have for him. Maybe I should start out typing Soon To Be Ex Husband (stbxh). Ok, I'm making myself laugh....I'm dippy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 28, 2009 Author Share Posted October 28, 2009 I'm in on the quilt as well. It would be a fun thing to do. Sorry this is all so difficult but it seems to be the way it goes. Hang on! :grouphug: If you want one of us to start the quilt square thread let one of us know. I'm good. Really. I'm happy as a clam. Thanks for the hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I guess the stbxh is from marriage/divorce boards and all these happily married WTM women just dont get it. LOL....but what else can I call him? Board rules prohibit more descriptive names I have for him. Maybe I should start out typing Soon To Be Ex Husband (stbxh). Ok, I'm making myself laugh....I'm dippy. That's okay. I always read it as Stupid Ba*tard Ex Husband anyway. So you're covered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Good for you for not settling HIS way! He did this! My dad is going through a divorce and it has taken 6 months now. He was like you and refused to settle (she cheated on him with 17 men in the course of 17 years and is now living with her latest man). He FINALLY got it all his way, but it took time. I am so glad to hear that you are off the meds and have gained a bit of weight back. I dropped weight like crazy when I got divorced too. That was the one part of the process I actually enjoyed! LOL Good to hear from you. Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 28, 2009 Author Share Posted October 28, 2009 Good for you for not settling HIS way! He did this! My dad is going through a divorce and it has taken 6 months now. He was like you and refused to settle (she cheated on him with 17 men in the course of 17 years and is now living with her latest man). He FINALLY got it all his way, but it took time. I am so glad to hear that you are off the meds and have gained a bit of weight back. I dropped weight like crazy when I got divorced too. That was the one part of the process I actually enjoyed! LOL Good to hear from you. Hang in there! Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I want to do one, too! I can sew, but I've never done anything related to a quilt --Rosie?? Will you take the lead and tell me where to start? :001_smile: Did Rosie ever say she was good at this? I have never made a whole quilt. I just had the idea. I rekon Scarlett needs to get her Mum to tell us what sized patches to make, then since Scarlett said she's not picky about colour or theme, we can get started. Under these sorts of circumstances, mothers like having something helpful to do. How's that for delegation ;) As for a time frame, is that important? She's going to be divorced from him for a long time! :D:hurray: The only quilt patches I've ever done were applique. Not hard to do, but hard to do neatly. So my patch won't be the best one! (It does come with a story, though, to make up for that.) Uh, thanks for "volunteering," Mrs Scarlett's Mum :lol: Rosie :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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