boy showing my 6 y/o dd affection???

[Tess in the Burbs]

We decided to try a fun art co-op this year. We got through the bully issue with my son but now I have a boy/girl issue and don't know how to handle it!

 

my dd is 6 and in a class with K-2 aged children. Her brother is in there too.

 

A little boy has decided she's his new best friend. He goes to dance now instead of martial arts to be with her. He cried when he thought she left last week but was only in the bathroom.

 

Today changing classes he grabs her hand. I was behind them and told my dd to let go and keep walking. He looked at me and grabbed her hand again. So my dd's all smiles while we walk down the stairs but honestly I am not crazy about this kid I don't know showing my dd affection that up to this point she has never shown another boy and don't want her getting ideas since we play with a lot of boys! I again tell her not to do it.

 

at this point they were speaking and I couldn't hear it but my dd shows him the sign language symbol for I love You. nice. Good thing dad didn't come with us, lol.

 

but seriously? Why is this boy attached to my dd? Why is he trying to hold her hand? I mentioned it to the mom. She said nothing. He's an only child. Age 7. He seems sweet but I just don't want my dd thinking that she needs to hold hands with boys just b/c they are friends.

 

do I just ignore it? or tell her to tell him no...although she clearly was happy from the attention? She said she likes him b/c he lets her do her own thing. LOL. ok, you are in class doing things...what kind of own thing could you be doing????

 

I convinced him to go to martial arts today since I was leading the kids to the next class and he ended up leaving early crying b/c he missed my dd. she asked about him after class and why he wasn't there to say good bye.

 

this is new to me. advice?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would have said, "Please do not hold my daughter's hand." directly to the boy. If he did anyway, I would have physically gotten between the daughter and him and I would have held her hand. (BTW - I would do the same if someone hit my daughter or any other kind of behavior that I did not want happening.)

[Sputterduck]

I have no idea. There is a little girl in my son's homeschool class who talks about her "husband". It makes me uncomfortable. Her mom just rolls her eyes and tolerates it. I think I'd put a stop to it. Early introductions to those things don't do any good for a kid, and may in the long run usher in unwanted things too soon.

[Emmy]

4-5-6 my boys hold hands with their friends when walking somewhere. It kind of fades away around 6 1/2 to 7 I think. I'd hesitate to make more of this than it is.....but I can see why you'd be concerned, it's a bit on the line as to what's appropriate.

[SquirrellyMama]

I guess I wouldn't worry too much. My son held the hand of a girl we knew. He was actually just mimicing what he saw us doing and her parents. He doesn't do it anymore and we never talked to him about it. He's 6 now. He mostly did it when he was 5 or so. He was trying to be a gentleman and help her across the street and walk her home. I don't think I saw him do it any other time.

 

If your dd has told him not to and he still does it then it is a boundary issue. I know you told him not to do it but I would have your dd do it. I personally would have been put off if this girls mom would have come up and told him to stop instead of talking to me or having dd do it.

 

I want to add that I understand your feeling since I also have daughters. But when my ds showed some affection for this little girl I guess I got a new understanding also. I know that his intention was very pure. I did keep an eye on it and I talked with the little girl's mom. You may be coming from a completely different situation and if that is so then you can ignore my comments :001_smile:

Edited September 30, 2009 by kwiech

[Joanne]

A young school aged dd and a young schooled aged boy holding hands would not bother me if it was consensual and in the absence of other factors.

 

However, my radar is up on this one; it seems like something *more* that requires intervention and firm, clearly communicated boundaries.

[Barb_]

Just from what you are posting, I think you are reading too much into it. If this were a new girl friend of your daughter's, would it be a problem then? It could be that this boy is a particularly warm, affectionate male and hasn't been trained out of it by parents or siblings and he sounds sweet. Why does their friendship have take on a different connotation simply because they are of the opposite sex?

 

Barb

[Mesa]

My 9 yr old boy holds his brothers hand all the time. It's just they way they are. My older two boys are just touchy feely I guess. I'd be sad if a mom read more into my boys and their hand holding... I would want her to talk to me instead of to my child though. I wouldnt want my boys holding girls hands either... but I dont think my 6 yr old would understand why it wasnt allowed.

See what next week brings. Maybe this kid has something else going on.. crying over your dd not being there isnt "normal". Is he a special needs kid?

[Sputterduck]

Why does their friendship have take on a different connotation simply because they are of the opposite sex?

 

In my mind, it's a different thing when there is the exchange of "I love you" in sign language or not and the boy not being able to handle when the little girl isn't there. It's cute to a point, but I'd have no problem telling my little one that this is not okay at this age.

[Barb_]

In my mind, it's a different thing when there is the exchange of "I love you" in sign language or not and the boy not being able to handle when the little girl isn't there. It's cute to a point, but I'd have no problem telling my little one that this is not okay at this age.

 

You caught that it was the OP's dd that was showing the little boy the "I love you" sign, right?

 

I didn't say I thought it was cute (as in little boys and girls pretending to be girlfriend and boyfriend are cute...I don't), but that I thought it was innocent.

 

Barb

[Barb_]

Maybe this kid has something else going on.. crying over your dd not being there isnt "normal". Is he a special needs kid?

 

Yeah, this is the only thing that made me pause. I could do with some more context.

 

To Tess: You did mention that he has no siblings, correct? Is he just exceedingly lonely? Is your dd SN and that is why the sign language? Or are you simply teaching sign language? I'm wondering if there is something about your daughter that is maybe bringing out his nurturing instinct.

 

I really feel all other interpretations should be exhausted before making a 7yo boy feel icky or confused over holding hands with a friend.

 

Barb

[jujsky]

Just from what you are posting, I think you are reading too much into it. If this were a new girl friend of your daughter's, would it be a problem then? It could be that this boy is a particularly warm, affectionate male and hasn't been trained out of it by parents or siblings and he sounds sweet. Why does their friendship have take on a different connotation simply because they are of the opposite sex?

 

Barb

 

:iagree:

[mom2denj]

I think it is pretty normal at that age. I work in the preschool and school age deptartments at church, and the boys and girls hold hands. I think it is cute. As long as your dd doesn't feel uncomfortable about it. You are really the only one who would know if this is just an innocent freindship or something wierd. But seriously at that age it is normal.

[Tree House Academy]

Aww...I am with the others...I think it is kind of sweet. My 6 year old is a very loving child and he often will hold hands with his friends or hug them when he sees them or before he leaves. Just last night, we finished soccer practice and one of his little team mates came up and hugged him bye. Her mom and I both thought it was very sweet.

 

The only way I would put a stop to it is if the little boy starts calling her his "girlfriend" or some such. Otherwise, I see it as two (YOUNG) kids showing affection for each other in a totally normal way. Now, if my 10 year old tried this, it would obviously be different...but 6, 7 - totally normal.

[kalanamak]

I think it is pretty normal at that age.

 

:iagree: My kiddo is just leaving off holding hands with girls....usually to follow them if they are a couple years older or to politely "help" them if they are younger. (He'll even take a boy's hand if he is quite a bit younger).

Edited October 2, 2009 by kalanamak

[calandalsmom]

 

Today changing classes he grabs her hand. I was behind them and told my dd to let go and keep walking. He looked at me and grabbed her hand again. So my dd's all smiles while we walk down the stairs but honestly I am not crazy about this kid I don't know showing my dd affection that up to this point she has never shown another boy and don't want her getting ideas since we play with a lot of boys! I again tell her not to do it.

 

at this point they were speaking and I couldn't hear it but my dd shows him the sign language symbol for I love You. nice. Good thing dad didn't come with us, lol.

 

but seriously? Why is this boy attached to my dd? Why is he trying to hold her hand? I mentioned it to the mom. She said nothing. He's an only child. Age 7. He seems sweet but I just don't want my dd thinking that she needs to hold hands with boys just b/c they are friends.

 

do I just ignore it? or tell her to tell him no...although she clearly was happy from the attention? She said she likes him b/c he lets her do her own thing. LOL. ok, you are in class doing things...what kind of own thing could you be doing????

 

I convinced him to go to martial arts today since I was leading the kids to the next class and he ended up leaving early crying b/c he missed my dd. she asked about him after class and why he wasn't there to say good bye.

 

this is new to me. advice?

 

I just don't think any of this is at all alarming. Its just a little affection, not anything weird or abnormal at all. Would you be so worried about a little girl holding hands with your daughter?

[Impish]

I'm bothered by his switching classes to be with her (his parents are ok with this?) and his crying. I just don't think that your dd needs to be responsible for another child's feelings like that (its one thing not to act in a way that hurts another child, but simply by their presence? Not comfortable with that one.)

 

I'm just personally not comfortable with him being so dependaent on your dd, emotionally. I have young kids, so I *get* that they can be passionate about things, but this seems over the top.

 

Where are the parents, and what is their thoughts on it?

 

Also, if you're not comfortable with it, that's where it ends, period. What others are ok with, etc really doesn't matter. Its your dd.

[KidsHappen]

Nothing that you have written here gives me any cause for alarm but if you mom radar is going off then perhaps you should give it some more thought and see if you can figure out exactly what the cause for concern is. It could be that you are picking up on something that you just haven't been able to pin point yet. I almost always go with mother's intuition.

[phathui5]

I do think it all sounds normal, but if something about it makes you uncomfortable, I wouldn't let them hang out aside from the times you have to see him. Go with your gut, but don't make a big deal about it to your dd and make her think there's something wrong with holding hands.

[SquirrellyMama]

I have to agree that the crying when he thought your dd had left the class is a little odd. I guess I don't find switching classes odd because kids will do that to be with friends.

[Sonshine]

I agree with Joann that something sounds off here. I'm in a co-op and it's not typical but not at all unusual for a boy this age to hold a little girls' hand. It's the stuff that's going along with it that seems like a possible sign of other problems.

[Homemama2]

I think you should trust your instincts. It's probably just innocent. But just this week my kids were telling me that a 7 year old boy in their sunday school class was trying to get girls to sneak down into the sunday school rooms before church to kiss them on the lips (one girl was 6 and one was 5.) Innocent or not, I wouldn't have been happy if that was my little girl. :glare: So I would just keep an eye on him. ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think you should trust your instincts. It's probably just innocent. But just this week my kids were telling me that a 7 year old boy in their sunday school class was trying to get girls to sneak down into the sunday school rooms before church to kiss them on the lips (one girl was 6 and one was 5.) Innocent or not, I wouldn't have been happy if that was my little girl. :glare: So I would just keep an eye on him. ;)

 

I don't think you realize that this thread is 2 years old. I'm sure this situation is resolved one way or the other!

[lilbean05]

I think that kids at ages 6 and 7 aren't quite to the "boys are gross"/"girls are gross" stage, where you see a gender split in the kids at recess or parties or things of that nature. They probably really enjoy each others' company and are mimicking their affection the same way they see their parents or siblings do so.

 

I would say, one thing about kids that are homeschooled is that they don't get the exposure to the teasing, the expected norms of behavior, etc. that they would get if they were in school. I would be willing to bet if your daughter was in school and walked around holding hands with this kid that the other kids would tease them and sing the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song. Your daughter would be mortified, confused a bit because she wasn't THINKING that holding hands was even in the same realm as the kissing tease song, and wouldn't dream of holding his hand again.

 

 

HAHAHA! I just posted this and saw Jean's mention that the thread was way old. My oh my, I shouldn't post so late at night. This is a good indicator that it is time for me to go to bed! :)

[Gailmegan]

Well, now that this thread has been resurrected, i want to know how it all turned out! :bigear:

[Peela]

How many pages back is 2 years? I can't get past page 5 on a good day!

[Alison in KY]

Just from what you are posting, I think you are reading too much into it. If this were a new girl friend of your daughter's, would it be a problem then? It could be that this boy is a particularly warm, affectionate male and hasn't been trained out of it by parents or siblings and he sounds sweet. Why does their friendship have take on a different connotation simply because they are of the opposite sex?

 

Barb

 

:iagree:

[Alison in KY]

duh, should've read ahead.

[mom2denj]

4-5-6 my boys hold hands with their friends when walking somewhere. It kind of fades away around 6 1/2 to 7 I think. I'd hesitate to make more of this than it is.....but I can see why you'd be concerned, it's a bit on the line as to what's appropriate.

:iagree:My dd holds hands with the boys in her preschool class and she hugs them goodbye everyday. It is a sweet innocent thing. It's normal. However, if you think this boy is going way overboard, then I would maybe switch classes. Good luck!

[mom2denj]

Too funny!!! Ijust realized that this thread is two years old.:lol:

[Haiku]

Didn't realize this was a resurrected thread.

Edited April 26, 2011 by TaraTheLiberator

[FaithManor]

The fact that he cried and she was only in the bathroom is the red flag for me. Little kids sometimes hold hands when they are walking...girl/girl, boy/boy, girl/boy. It's a buddy, buddy thing. But, the fact that he also has an emotional fixation and by signing "I love you" that means your daughter has picked up on this as well, is the MOMMY HAIRS ON THE BACK OF MY NECK STANDING UP, signal. He is too emotionally attached and your dd isn't capable of setting a healthy boundary on her own which means she could get sucked into his attachment to her. The boy should not be so fixated on her that he falls apart because he doesn't think she is in class. Not good.

 

If this were my situation, I would separate him physically from her, and make the mom aware that she must also enforce it. Then I'd let the teacher know that you aren't comfortable with level of emotional attachment that he has and ask them to enforce the physical separation. If that doesn't work, I'd be tempted to switch to a class that he is not involved in and if his mother suddently enrolls him in your dd's new class, well then, she is NOT thinking and that's a whole 'nother can of worms!

 

Faith

[Farrar]

It would break my heart if one of my 6 yo sons was told he was doing something wrong by showing affection to one of his friends who is a girl. The kids in our co-op and our extended homeschool group routinely hold hands, put their arms around each other and are generally affectionate, regardless of gender. Reading more into it implies that there's something sexual involved, which I think sexualizes young children and I strongly disagree with that. Or it implies that boys and girls shouldn't be friends, which I think sends the wrong message for when they're older and it actually might be sexual or romantic. Why should this be different from any other friendship?

 

That said, the crying strikes me as a little odd. But I've also known kids to get super attached to their friends and get upset or cry if they're gone and it's just a phase. When I say a little odd, I mean just a little. It sounds like he's just a sensitive young boy is all.

[Rivka]

It would break my heart if one of my 6 yo sons was told he was doing something wrong by showing affection to one of his friends who is a girl. The kids in our co-op and our extended homeschool group routinely hold hands, put their arms around each other and are generally affectionate, regardless of gender. Reading more into it implies that there's something sexual involved, which I think sexualizes young children and I strongly disagree with that. Or it implies that boys and girls shouldn't be friends, which I think sends the wrong message for when they're older and it actually might be sexual or romantic. Why should this be different from any other friendship?

 

:iagree: My daughter is six and hugs and holds hands with her friends (almost all girls) all the time. Presumably no one thinks that this is a sign of incipient lesbianism, so why would you think there's a sexual component to a little boy hugging and holding hands with a little girl?

 

I do think that parents will sometimes put a romantic cast on boy-girl friendships and affection because they think it's "cute," and then the kids can adopt that terminology. That makes me uncomfortable. But not just plain six-year-old snuggles.

[Celia]

I wouldn't worry about it. My ds has a friend who's very much like that... she's always hugging him and holding his hand. Some kids are just like that. I think it's sweet watching them run around the track holding hands!