Pamela H in Texas Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 I just can't quit crying. I'm drowning. I just don't think I'm strong enough for this. I want him to come home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Oh, Pamela. Take one minute at a time. This is a very big loss, a big grief. Be kind to yourself. Maybe you can read the deployment thread to get ideas of how others cope with their spouses being gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 I am so sorry :( It must be terribly difficult. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Wish I could come share a cup of tea with you. . . . . We've been doing the "work in another state thing" for 15 months now, except dh does come home on the weekends. It stinks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug: Pamela, I'm sorry. Deployments are SO hard. Hugs. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Hon, you are strong enough for this. You've obviously have been called to the challenge, so stop crying and buck up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 And lest you think I'm a meanie, you have a few children watching how you handle this. When the going gets tough.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug: Hang in there..... it won't be easy, but you can get thru it - the kids need you to also. More :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NCMom Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 My dh worked in another state, 17 hours away, for 20 months. It was hard. We had NO money and he came home only 3 times in that time period. I was upbeat for him more than the kids. Men like to "fix" things (he does anyway) and there was nothing he could do to fix this or about my feelings. He's been here now with us full time for 17 months and that time certainly made me appreciate him more! You can do it, just take day at a time. :grouphug: Georgia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug: I'm sooo sorry. We're on Month Five and it will be over by December. I cry a lot too. It's worse for whoever is left behind. I really don't have many suggestions for either of us...other than it helps to know other people going through the same thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysparkler Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 Georgia, Yeah, I really need to become okay, at least talking to him. He's trying to take care of us. That means being away. And maybe something will work out that he can come home sooner. We can hope. THink shopping would help? LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 You CAN do this. DECIDE to be strong and then go for it. My grandfather was killed in the coal mines at a young age and my grandmother raised six children (the youngest was only a year old at the time) in abject poverty in the backwoods of Alabama with nothing more than an 8th grade education and no employment. They never went on welfare and all six kids grew up to be responsible, God-fearing adults. I respect her more than any person on earth. You will suprise yourself with how strong you are. "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do about it." Decide to be strong. You can do this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Pamela!!! Alright, let yourself have this moment of AAAARGH!!! Scream, get it out, have fun with it..now let's help you get to something that will help you have the BEST homecoming ever!! Give yourself 7 months to get in the best shape!! (Are you on to the Gabriel diet yet?) Exercise is the BEST at creating endorphins that keep those moments of painful depression AWAY!! Find some good pilates/exercise videos, I have some on DVD I could send you (we tivo most my shows like that now, plus our DVD doesn't work anymore!)....use this AWESOME Fall time to walk walk walk...enjoy the great weather..mark a calendar of how much you want to lose, envision yourself at that point and enjoy the fact that each day you mark off you're one step closer...7 months is a GREAT time to focus on you and your health..and doing some fun things with your child/ren! We had to be separated from dh for over a year but he did come home on weekends...so it wasn't as bad but I can certainly understand having to do it all...but think of all the moms whose husbands serve in Iraq...on top of the distance they have the fear of safety...so YOU can do this!! If you want an exercise/health buddy I can start being better at starting threads for 'have you exercised' today...I have let 2 years of house payments and dh working 2 jobs put on weight that I had worked soo hard to lose..but I'm planning a surprise Disney cruise for the family in April (kids go free and we have three so that was a blessing!!)...so come up with some way to plan a fun getaway (it can be a camping trip!) when he returns (or just a staycation) and know that each time you work out you're doing so you can spend the time you do have together healthy, strong and happy!!! HTH!! Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug: Due to finances and WWII, my folks lived apart a fair amount in the '40's. Mother homeschooled one year (the public schools were bad), lived frugally without a car, knitted, took care of toddlers, and generally just got by. My sister remembered seeing her cry only once, when Papa had been deployed on Christmas Eve, and my mother stayed up late to paint the wooden train set Papa had made for the kids. She also tells a sweet story of how they were told "not to talk to soldiers", and one day, one was on the front side walk whistling a polka. My sister ran in to tell Mother this fearsome news, and was rather surprized when our mother smiled and went out and TALKED to this strange man over the fence. And then he came in! Hopefully, this stretch will become a "family story" down the road. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 Thanks Tara :) I did think how neat it would be if I were at or near goal weight when hubby comes home. Even if I do manage to find a way that we can visit in Nov and/or Dec, I could make a huge difference in how I look by then! 2 months, wow! I'm still doing the hCG for now. But I'm going to look at the visualization and see if it is something I can do. And I'm looking forward to the Gabriel Method. I definitely believe :) I do have a Curves membership so thought about doing that after Goo goes home/daycare each day or at least more often. And we take a walk each day with Goo also. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I *can* walk daily now! I'm so excited. For years, I haven't been able to do a daily walk. When I did it, it caused SO much trouble the rest of the day. And I certainly couldn't do it daily. Now we're walking and I don't have more of a limp or slow down considerably by the end of it AND I can still function the rest of the day. So maybe I'm ready for Curves or something. I hope :) And like Scarlett said, I have a great congregation to stay close to. They actually don't know because we found out Tuesday and missed Thursday. We've been trying to get everything together so I've just not had time. But I know the elders will check in on us and the friends will make sure we're included in things. I picked up my voice a little the last time I talked to him. I know we'll be a little sad but I also know we'll do just fine. We can do it :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Good girl, Pamela! You're doing all right... so glad you picked up your voice for dh. I'm so encouraged for you reading the posts and will be praying for you. Bee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug: I can't imagine going through that. Take it one day at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apiphobic Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug: Due to finances and WWII, my folks lived apart a fair amount in the '40's. Mother homeschooled one year (the public schools were bad), lived frugally without a car, knitted, took care of toddlers, and generally just got by. My sister remembered seeing her cry only once, when Papa had been deployed on Christmas Eve, and my mother stayed up late to paint the wooden train set Papa had made for the kids. She also tells a sweet story of how they were told "not to talk to soldiers", and one day, one was on the front side walk whistling a polka. My sister ran in to tell Mother this fearsome news, and was rather surprized when our mother smiled and went out and TALKED to this strange man over the fence. And then he came in! Hopefully, this stretch will become a "family story" down the road. That is such a sweet story! I'm glad you shared this. Pamela, I'm sorry things are so rough for you. When I get frustrated or feel like whining that I wish dh were here, I try to picture Maggie from Northern Exposure and tell myself there are women out there just like her so there's no excuse for me not to do whatever it is I wish I didn't have to do. Case in point, I wanted nothing to do with the wasp nest under our eaves. But, I sprayed them to oblivion and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. (Picture me doing the Rocky dance now.) But, of course, there are times when you just miss him, and the phone, email, or skype just won't do. Just know that he's missing you, too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 And lest you think I'm a meanie, you have a few children watching how you handle this. When the going gets tough.... I agree, you do have your dc watching you and I believe it is ok for them to see the really heart ache to you of having their father gone for this time. Yes, you will eventually need to pick up and take charge but for right now allow yourself the time it takes. I don't think what your children would see if you simply went on as though nothing had happened would be that great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepymommy Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Oh! I remember something I used to do with my youngsters when their dad went on deployments. I would do the "calendar" thing on a poster. I would make up a poster with squares and post it in the living room and we'd mark off the days (just one month at a time... several months put up make it seem like forever). Then each week, if you like the idea, tape or staple or push pin a baggie for each day of the week, with a little goodie inside. I never bought candy for the kids, so I would put in just a couple m&ms per child or fruit gummy or whatever. You could change it up now and again. Then the child is excited about a little treat and marking off the square. You could also use it to count down other events along the way... maybe put a surprise photo of dad hidden behind a baggie with the treat once in a while... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 Hubby just crossed into KY. He didn't say anything, but I could hear in his voice that he could hear the difference in mine, if that makes any sense. He posted on FB that he misses us already. The dogs are not doing well. They keep running to the back door barking as if Daddy is coming home. I showed them, but....The little one (dog) "talked" to Daddy on the phone but thought Daddy was playing a trick on him and was looking for him. <sigh> We'll all figure it out. The kids and I are going to go get a yummy salad. We'll decide what we're doing the rest of the day from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilymax Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 I'm sorry, Pamela. BTDT several times and I don't think it ever gets easier. My DH was in the Navy Seabees and would repeatedly deploy for seven months, be home for seven months, go again, etc. Thankfully, we didn't have kids at the time. I still missed him like crazy. He was deployed for 14 months to Iraq, and left on our second child's first birthday. Having kids made it a whole new ballgame...my oldest was 5 at the time and I think he still deals with some emotional issues from going through that separation from his dad. It's so hard to remain optimistic for the kids when you're battling with your own worries, plus all the stress of having to do everything yourself. Probably the best advice I got was to take life a day at a time--a minute at a time when necessary. You just can't think of the whole deployment at once; it just feels too long. Thankfully there is FB, and better Internet access than there was during our last time apart. I know it's small consolation, but the contact helps so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 FWIW, I think it's ok for the kids to see you miss Daddy, but don't let it consume you. You'll be ok. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. It just sucks, doesn't it? Do you have a church or a community like that that might step in with some extra emotional and practical support? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tressa Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug: I am sorry. It sucks. No other way to put it. When my husband has deployed, I have allowed myself a few days to pout and be sad. You are going to be sad. No sense pretending like you aren't going to be. Then, when my alloted time has passed, I put on my big girl clothes and deal with it. The kids have heard me say. "All right. Let's do this thing." And we do it together. Give yourself a couple of days. You will find a routine and it will get better. I promise. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 We did the job in another state thing for a while, I know it hurts. :grouphug::grouphug: It turned out okay for me, I learned some independent things I would never have tried otherwise. I can look back and say it was a good experience. I hope you can find something positive to take away also. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug: Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 ...miss their dad. Your kids are 'older', so they can really understand and appreciate it more than little kids would. Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't try to hide your feelings from your kids. They can be a source of strength for you, and your love for their dad is a source of security for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2GirlsTX Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Hi Sweetie, First off :grouphug::grouphug: Seperation is very hard, and it is understandable that you are grieving. I will gently suggest that you give yourself a limit to the grieving, say within two weeks I won't cry in front of the kids about this. (even if you need to cry after that period, say go to the bath where they don't see you), that way you can be the rock for them. Set another small goal, say that within one month you will do something nice for yourself, like go have a cup of coffee at a coffee shop with a friend. You are going to have to face this truth, no matter how unpleasant, that you will be seperated. Be strong, rely on your faith, and hang in there. You are loved! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted September 13, 2009 Author Share Posted September 13, 2009 Thanks for the support all. It was hard to get moving, but once I did, I did pretty well. The kids and I went to Denny's to eat then went to a friend's house to play Rockband Beatles. Then we went out to eat with them. We came home and talked to dad for over and hour on Skype. Hanging up was HARD. Anyway, obviously we aren't going to eat out twice a day! But for today, it was okay (and both meals were salads for all 3 of us). Hubby is settled in his hotel room. He's tired but okay. Tomorrow, he's going to drive out to the job so he knows how to get there. We also used the street view on mapquest to look at the closest little town. I'm not sure he'll be able to find a place there. Most probably he'll have to be in one of the nearby towns. Anyway, he'll look around tomorrow, pick up a paper, etc. It'd be great if he found a small trailer or apartment, hopefully one that won't mind kids, me and our small dog visiting (hopefully we WILL get to visit though it's so far). Anyway, so I'm doing a bit better. We'll survive...But it sure will be nice when he gets a job here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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