Miss Peregrine Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 your 13 yo dd walk home from soccer practice. Here are the facts: It is 9/10 of a mile. She would be walking by the home of registered sex offender. Not saying my answer yet. Want to see what others say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Alone, never. In a group (3 or more), quite possibly -- but always on other side of the street. I guess I would have to see the neighborhood/street to decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 In the daylight? How close are other neighbors? Can she ride a bike instead? (I'm thinking of a fast getaway) Do you happen to know the sex offender's crime? (sometimes they really aren't that awful - it can be as simple as exposing oneself as a college prank) Yes. I would. I asked the above questions as they might make you more comfortable with it (if you were thinking of not allowing it). My boys regularly bike or walk to and from their karate classes (exactly one mile) and their baseball practices (9/10 of a mile). I'm a bit more comfortable when they go together, but the older two have done it themselves quite a bit. (My youngest boy always goes with a sibling still.) But, there are quite a few houses and certainly somebody would come out and help if one of my boys were screaming his head off!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Well, we live in a national forest. It is rural but definitely a neighborhood, though not tract homes. Hilly twisty streets. She would be alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 yes, especially if she had a cell phone and it was daylight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherclassicmom Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I'm pretty protective, I would say no. Of course I don't even like my kids out front without me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trixie Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Yes, I would. If she's familiar with the route and comfortable walking it (and not the kind of kiddo who will take detours or zip off to a friend's instead when she's expected home), absolutely I'd let her. The designation "registered sex offender" is nearly meaningless. It could mean someone who molested a child and it could mean an 18yo who had consensual sex with his 17yo girlfriend. Have you read Lenore Skenazy's blog, Free Range Kids? Worth peeking at, especially in our increasingly fear-mongering culture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 (edited) Wow! That's a hard one! I am SO protective, and wouldn't let my step-kids walk anywhere at first ...even after their mom starting letting/making them. Then, I started letting them walk together... I can't remember exactly what age. Now they are 17 and 14 and they go by themselves around, I'd still prefer together when possible. My daughter just started at 10, going around on her bike. I'm sure there are nasty people out there, I know we have sex offenders out here...we've looked them up. It's a bit different with my daughter. She's my size and stronger than I am. She's also been around with older sisters for years... We do have ours take cell phones...but in a struggle...they just need to bike away from the problem...towards safer grounds... Carrie Edited September 3, 2009 by NayfiesMama Just saw the rural part... probably not.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I find your post timely. I just decided to check our state's s*x offender registry last week. I hadn't checked it in, oh, probably two years. Last time I checked, there were no offenders living in our neighborhood. There are now two. It creeped me out. One is LITERALLY right around the corner. Now, I realize we don't REALLY know who lives in our neighborhood. I also realize, with the housing market the way it is, that it is quite possible that offenders have moved in or out of our neighborhood in the past two years and I didn't even know. Still, it creeped me out. My two boys, 3 and 6, were not allowed to be out of my sight outside, even before I knew about the offenders. However, we take a walk around the neighborhood usually twice a day, and walk by both of the houses. Again, creepy. However, my stepson, 12, was allowed to go around the neighborhood with his friend (11) or his sister, 15. My stepdaughter, 15, was allowed to go around by herself. Dh and I haven't decided yet if that will change or not. I think dss12 and dsd15 are old enough that, if we talk to them about the sitauation, show them exactly where the offenders live, and go over (again!) safety rules, then it might be ok. But honestly, I just don't know if my momma's heart will EVER be ok with letting any of my children out of my sight! It's so hard! There's so much evil in the world, isn't there? It's so hard. So, all to say that, I would likely not let her do it if she is all by herself. It would just be too hard for me. However, that doesn't mean I don't think you should do it. It's a hard job, this being a mom, isn't it? :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I would also want to the circumstances of this sex offender conviction. I would want to know what he was charged with and what the actual sentence was for. These things should be a matter of public record. Normally, though, yes, I would certainly let a 13 year old walk a mile by herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeFe Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Well, we live in a national forest. It is rural but definitely a neighborhood, though not tract homes. Hilly twisty streets. She would be alone. No, not alone. If it were a group that would stay together (and not all girls do) then I would consider it. But never alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 In the daylight?How close are other neighbors? Can she ride a bike instead? (I'm thinking of a fast getaway) It looks like many neighborhood. House-lined streets. That stretch of the street is mostly weekend homes though(empty most of the time) Riding a bike is a great idea. But is is uphill. We have tried and none of us can do it.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 The designation "registered sex offender" is nearly meaningless. It could mean someone who molested a child and it could mean an 18yo who had consensual sex with his 17yo girlfriend. Have you read Lenore Skenazy's blog, Free Range Kids? Worth peeking at, especially in our increasingly fear-mongering culture. Yes, or urinating is public... I am a pretty free-range mom. I think I would like that blog. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 I was inclined to let her do it. Then last night I remembered about the man. His crime was with a child under 14. The ball field is basically at the end of our street so most of the walk is actually on our street. Dh( who is a police officer and trusts no one) doesn't like the idea. She really wants to walk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 The lists that show a sex offender and their location has only the more serious offences, absolutely are predatory, or the offenders who they feel are more likely to be predatory. They don't have the minor offenders listed. This is a hard one for me because at least you know who it is and you can show your dd the offender, so she knows to stay away from him/her. That is incredible power in this situation. The unknown offenders are more scary to me because they can seem like such normal people and are often great manipulators, getting you to trust them when you normally wouldn't. I am more afraid of the unknown than the know when it comes to SOs. I would go by your gut on this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Yes, if she has a phone and calls when she leaves practice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwinMominTX Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 The lists that show a sex offender and their location has only the more serious offences, absolutely are predatory, or the offenders who they feel are more likely to be predatory. They don't have the minor offenders listed. This is not true across the board and varies by state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokotg Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 This is not true across the board and varies by state. :iagree: I just checked mine and the first person I clicked on was a statutory rape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 (edited) I'd find out the nature of the sex offender's crime. If he was an 18 year old who had sex with his 16 year old girl friend, then I wouldn't consider the sex offender an issue. Depending on the nature of the offense , my response would be never, maybe, or even stay on the other side of the street or a few blocks over for a few blocks. How busy is the area? How much traffic, at what speed? How many kids are out playing. Are their neighbors along the route you know? Will it be after dark? Is there someone the team who walks mostly the same route? Can you alter the route so she mostly walks with someone else? How much independence have you permitted--you have to work up to this? You should read Protecting the Gift. It will help you develop skills for evaluating situations and help you get your dd on the path to developing these skills. FWIW, my oldest was walking to and from his French tutor's house at that age, in the morning during public school hours. He got stopped once--by a police officer. The officer asked if school let out early (the tutor lived in the direction of the high school, so coming home carrying a backpack ds may have looked like a kid cutting class). My ds simply said he was hs and he was walking home from his French tutor and that was it. Oh, my dc have a cell phone when they go places on their own. Oldest got a cell at 12, because of the level of independence he had (and had previously shown he could manage). Edited September 3, 2009 by betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I was inclined to let her do it. Then last night I remembered about the man. His crime was with a child under 14. The ball field is basically at the end of our street so most of the walk is actually on our street. Dh( who is a police officer and trusts no one) doesn't like the idea. She really wants to walk. Your dh is spot on. My answer would not only be no but he!! no. There are enough kidnappings that happen in broad daylight with witnesses. It's not worth it. there are very few things you can do to reduce risks, but keeping her OFF the streets alone is one of them. Give her freedom and choices in other areas, but I'd eliminate this as a choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trixie Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 The lists that show a sex offender and their location has only the more serious offences, absolutely are predatory, or the offenders who they feel are more likely to be predatory. They don't have the minor offenders listed. It depends on the state. Each state has its own criteria for determining risk levels. I agree that the real dangers are the offenders we don't know about--and those are far more likely to be people we (or our kids) know than the stranger down the street with the red X on his house on the Sex Offender Registry map. That's one reason I believe it's good for kids (and adults) to get out and know their neighbors and neighborhoods. Talking to strangers isn't bad. Talking to strangers is good. It's the best way to be able to recognize the ones who aren't quite right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gretchen in NJ Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Well, we live in a national forest. It is rural but definitely a neighborhood, though not tract homes. Hilly twisty streets. She would be alone. I would have said, "yes," but then I read about the sex offender and now this post about the roads. I would have to say, "No," unless she is with a large group that sticks together. Her age puts her on the boarder line of being in the traget group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trixie Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I am a pretty free-range mom. I think I would like that blog. Thank you. You're welcome! I find her a breath of fresh air (and a good dose of reality) in the "danger lurks behind every closed door!" culture we're living in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Personally, I wouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moni Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Oh, I'm sure I have. There are RSE everywhere around here. :seeya: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 You're welcome! I find her a breath of fresh air (and a good dose of reality) in the "danger lurks behind every closed door!" culture we're living in. danger doesn't lurk behind EVERY door, but it's certainly prevalent enough to warrant prudent parental supervision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 No, too much of a risk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 You're welcome! I find her a breath of fresh air (and a good dose of reality) in the "danger lurks behind every closed door!" culture we're living in. The kids call Dh "death-knell daddy" because he worries about every.little.thing. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needleroozer Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Your dh is spot on. My answer would not only be no but he!! no. There are enough kidnappings that happen in broad daylight with witnesses. It's not worth it. there are very few things you can do to reduce risks, but keeping her OFF the streets alone is one of them. Give her freedom and choices in other areas, but I'd eliminate this as a choice. Ditto.:iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mchel210 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I would let my 13 yo walk or ride bike. I would also look up the info on that sex offender. Like others stated...it could have been a 20 yo dating someone in their teens? Or then again...he could be a predator?Now...they even consider sexting (sending images on phones) a sex offender... Either way...I would show my child the photo and tell her to pay attention and to stay away from that person and their home. If it was someone that was convicted of act with child, rape, abduction...etc...I wouldnt let my child walk!! I show my kids the photos of the ones in the area...but I cant imagine they remember. I just remind them to stay away from strangers etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Nope. I was inclined to let her do it. Then last night I remembered about the man. His crime was with a child under 14. The ball field is basically at the end of our street so most of the walk is actually on our street. Dh( who is a police officer and trusts no one) doesn't like the idea. She really wants to walk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 The kids call Dh "death-knell daddy" because he worries about every.little.thing. :lol: yeah.....but.... there are so many tragedies that are EASILY preventable. I'm sure he sees the horrendous results of people who don't act to prevent stuff daily. Fear-mongering only works because there's an element of truth to it ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lgm Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My answer would depend on the type of sex offense. If he preys on girls..then the buddy system w/cell phone needs to be used. I'd have a cell phone call before they start walking and be in the car if e.t.a. lapses. Your dh should be able to use his network to get an update on the s.o.'s recent activities. He could also ask that the local p.d. patrol shortly in the neighborhood shortly after soccer practice is over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trixie Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 danger doesn't lurk behind EVERY door, but it's certainly prevalent enough to warrant prudent parental supervision. Ah! But "prudent" is the key, yes? If the child is familiar with the route and is comfortable walking it and can be trusted not to dawdle about or follow the man who insists his new puppy is right behind that bush next to the open, white, unmarked van, then it's not imprudent to let her walk home. Danger is prevalent enough on the roads not to drive cars, either. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 your 13 yo dd walk home from soccer practice. Here are the facts:It is 9/10 of a mile. She would be walking by the home of registered sex offender. Assuming the registered sex offender was not registered for violent crimes or pedophilia, I would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earth Angel_79 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Your dh is spot on. My answer would not only be no but he!! no. There are enough kidnappings that happen in broad daylight with witnesses. It's not worth it. there are very few things you can do to reduce risks, but keeping her OFF the streets alone is one of them. Give her freedom and choices in other areas, but I'd eliminate this as a choice. :iagree: It's hard for me since I don't have children yet desiring to exert independence, but I regularly don't allow my friends' daughters (8 and 10) to go to park bathrooms by themselves. Even when she is right there :tongue_smilie: (I know that is terrible, since I'm basically parenting her children right in front of her, but we are pretty close, so I guess she lets it slide). I would never take the chance of even having my children flashed. I know I had a cousin who was 8 yrs old go to a park bathroom and a man exposed himself to him. Years later that man is STILL on the sexual offenders registry (not because of the incident with my cousin). I think most of this behavior (not the Romeo and Juliet type of teen romances that land some folks on the lists) just begets more lewd and worse behavior. It is just not a chance I would ever take. There are other opportunities for your children to exhibit freedom and I would remind her that this really has nothing to do with her showing her responsibility. Of course you probably trust her, it is the other people you have to beware of and I think it is a valuable thing to teach everyone to be very conscious of their surroundings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Rose, it is pedophilia. She would not have a cell phone. I would not even be home when she gets there. Other DD has soccer practice on the other side of town that gets out at the same time. I would be on my way home the same time she would be walking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mchel210 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Rose, it is pedophilia. She would not have a cell phone. I would not even be home when she gets there. Other DD has soccer practice on the other side of town that gets out at the same time. I would be on my way home the same time she would be walking. I would ask someone from her team to drive her home. I wouldnt let her walk. I am sure if you explained it to one of the neighborhood parents on that team, someone would drive her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysparkler Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I'm pretty protective, I would say no. Of course I don't even like my kids out front without me. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lgm Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 No way under that circumstance. I'd ask another mom to take her to her house and pick her up there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Does your daughter have a reason for wanting to walk home? I remember wanting to walk home from the library when I was in 6th grade so I could pass by a certain boy's house to see if he was outside. If you find out her motivation for wanting to walk home, maybe it will help more with your decision. In any case, I still don't think I'd let her walk alone at 13. I have a niece who just turned 15 that I'm fairly close to. She thinks she is a lot more mature and could handle more situations than I personally think she could. I think teenage girls overestimate their maturity level and underestimate others' intentions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Ah! But "prudent" is the key, yes? If the child is familiar with the route and is comfortable walking it and can be trusted not to dawdle about or follow the man who insists his new puppy is right behind that bush next to the open, white, unmarked van, then it's not imprudent to let her walk home. Danger is prevalent enough on the roads not to drive cars, either. ;) yes, prudent IS the key. And the statistics we have NOW show that even mature ADULTS are better off NOT walking by themselves, children even less so, regardless how much they can be "trusted." In fact, when we talk about how "we used to go everywhere as a kid, why not now" discussions, it is often pointed out that danger statistics have gone DOWN --- and those statistics line right up with the onslaught of PREVENTION awareness programs. The buddy system and adult supervision are at the top of every program. It's not about trusting your child, it's about knowing there are some very smart, very bad people out there that will not consider your child's abilities at. all. before they drive up, take them forcefully by surprise, and drive off to keep them as a sex slave for 15 years in a backyard compound. Not every bad guy is easy to spot in a big white van that says Sex Offenders R Us or will give you the opportunity to avoid them, and familiar routes are the ones where your guard is DOWN. It is ridiculously easy to avoid having a child walk a route alone. We take precautions even while driving, no? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Rose, it is pedophilia. She would not have a cell phone. I would not even be home when she gets there. Other DD has soccer practice on the other side of town that gets out at the same time. I would be on my way home the same time she would be walking. that sounds like a recipe for disaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Nope. Not alone given the scenario. In a group, yes with a cell phone, but not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncmomo3 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 It isn't the registered pedophiles that bother me nearly as much as the UNregistered--the ones who have never been caught. nope-not my dds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I was inclined to let her do it. Then last night I remembered about the man. His crime was with a child under 14. The ball field is basically at the end of our street so most of the walk is actually on our street. Dh( who is a police officer and trusts no one) doesn't like the idea. She really wants to walk. How old was he, though? In my school, 13-y-os were proud of their 18-y-o baby-daddies. If he was over 20, NO. If it was not statutory, NO. Otherwise, yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy in Ky Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Nope. Not alone and not in a group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Our nearest registered sex offender was convicted of 3rd degree sexual exploitation of a minor, which basically means he was convicted of possession of child pornography. Mistake of age is no defense to this crime, so one could be convicted for possessing porn that featured a 14 year old who looks 24. The guy could be totally normal s@xually IF you consider it normal to want to look at p@rn featuring adults (or what appears to be an adult). So he might not have one predatory bone in his body but just be a guy who likes p@rn and was mistaken as to how old the child was. On the other hand, (and more likely, I would venture to say) he could have been arrested and accused of more serious crimes that couldn't be proved, and this might be the best plea the prosecutors felt they could get. I would guess that a lot of times what you see on the registry as the conviction doesn't tell the whole story, and a lot of times the story is *worse* than it looks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 It isn't the registered pedophiles that bother me nearly as much as the UNregistered--the ones who have never been caught. nope-not my dds. bingo. This guy's stats are irrelevant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trixie Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 yes, prudent IS the key. And the statistics we have NOW show that even mature ADULTS are better off NOT walking by themselves, children even less so, regardless how much they can be "trusted." Which statistics are those? We do take precautions while driving, of course! Nonetheless, more children will die in auto accidents this year than will be kidnapped by strangers and made into sex slaves in backyard compounds (or kidnapped by strangers for any reason at all, for that matter). So if we're going to keep children safe from the latter by not letting them ever walk home alone, are we going to keep them safe from the former--a statistically greater threat--by not letting them ride in cars? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.