Musings on beauty...

[Ibbygirl]

There is an old saying in spanish that translated says "how people see you is how they treat you". I've always been indignant about that to be honest because I've always felt that people should look at the inside and judge a person based upon their heart and character and not for their face, figure and clothing. Well, after years of social experimenting I am slowly coming to the conclusion that that saying is true. I am not an ugly person, but I will sometimes wear "less than fashionable clothing" to see how people will react to me and sure enough there is a difference. Although people may be polite, I have noticed that they are much more inclined to befriend a person who looks a certain way.

 

I have noticed how the first thing that will come out of a person's mouth when they are shown a picture of a woman is either, "oh she's so pretty" or "what's wrong with her ....." (you fill in the blanks).

 

So I'm curious to know is it just me or have other people noticed this as well??

 

Do you think we are culturally conditioned to respond more favorably to a beautiful person over a more plain person or do you think it is something we are "hard wired" for??

 

I'm curious so hear your thoughts and comments. Thank you to all who reply. :)

[Liz CA]

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." There are perhaps a few faces that many people would find attractive or beautiful but what I think is beautiful may not be worth a mention to the next person.

 

I have to say this though - I have met people superficially and wouldn't have thought them pretty but after knowing them more deeply I would describe them as beautiful because of their character which somehow made the "outside" look so much more appealing as well.

 

Does this make sense?

 

[elegantlion]

My dh is a carpenter. He's also had a job where he wore a suit all day. It's amazing the difference in the way he is treated when wearing carpenter clothes or a suit by people in retail stores.

 

I don't think you have to be dressed to the nine's all the time and I think a lot of beauty is exuded confidence not your clothing. If you walk in with confidence, head held high, smile, and look people in the eye you can carry off just about any outfit, imo.

[LBC]

There is an old saying in spanish that translated says "how people see you is how they treat you". I've always been indignant about that to be honest because I've always felt that people should look at the inside and judge a person based upon their heart and character and not for their face, figure and clothing. Well, after years of social experimenting I am slowly coming to the conclusion that that saying is true. I am not an ugly person, but I will sometimes wear "less than fashionable clothing" to see how people will react to me and sure enough there is a difference. Although people may be polite, I have noticed that they are much more inclined to befriend a person who looks a certain way.

 

I have noticed how the first thing that will come out of a person's mouth when they are shown a picture of a woman is either, "oh she's so pretty" or "what's wrong with her ....." (you fill in the blanks).

 

So I'm curious to know is it just me or have other people noticed this as well??

 

Do you think we are culturally conditioned to respond more favorably to a beautiful person over a more plain person or do you think it is something we are "hard wired" for??

 

I'm curious so hear your thoughts and comments. Thank you to all who reply. :)

 

I wish it were not true, but my experiences cause me to think that it is true. :001_huh:

 

My dd (15) is a very pretty girl, and I get constant feedback about it. It concerns me, because I worry that she won't be expected (by the world) to be smart and capable. I have always made an effort, especially when dd is present, to mention that she is beautiful on the inside, too. Once when I said this, I had someone look surprised, and say, "Really?". Her response almost seemed to insinuate that the two attributes could not co-exist.

 

I hate to admit it, but I probably make subtle judgments about people based on outer appearance, too. I hate that I do this, but years of conditioning have made it a hard habit to break. I love it when I'm proved wrong, though.:D

 

To answer your question, I know that my family "conditioned" me to think this way. They place a huge emphasis on outward appearance, and I spend much of my energy fighting this default. Now, maybe they were hardwired many generations before, but they have definitely adopted this attitude in a way that made it part of my environment. An example of this might be my mother saying, "Are you going out like that", when my hair isn't nicely done. Over the years, I became hardwired to never go out in public without doing my hair and make-up. If my mother had ignored my appearance, I might be more relaxed about it today. My grandfather is almost 90 years old, and every time I see him he lectures me about how I should work out at the gym for at least 3 hours a week (which he still does, by the way!).

 

I could go on, but you get the idea.

 

Lori

[KnightMaiden]

It's true..but why..I'm not sure.

 

I have REALLY noticed a difference in the way you're treated in a shopping situation when you are in your jeans vs your nice suit. Sad..but true. I just pray that I am not one of those making those snap judgements

[HollyDay]

I find I am treated differently if I have children with me or not. If my dc are with me, I am usually ignored or "talked down to". If they are not with my, I am generally treated better. Not sure what is up with that.

[Garga]

Hard wired to react favorably to beauty.

 

Society dictates what is considered "beauty."

 

And so I do my best to be presentable. After years of looking nerdy (well into my 20's) I got sick of being treated nerdy and I do my best now to look nice whenever I go out. After all those years of being negatively judged based on my looks, I'm sort of sensitive to it now, and am willing to spend the extra time in the morning to do my hair and wear a little mascara.

[Garga]

I find I am treated differently if I have children with me or not. If my dc are with me, I am usually ignored or "talked down to". If they are not with my, I am generally treated better. Not sure what is up with that.

 

 

Oh yeah--that one!

 

I went to the movies with dh the other day. The theater was COLD. DH had a blanket in the trunk. I went out to get it and carried it into the theater rolled up under my arm (just looking like a bulky sweater.) Dh said, "Don't carry that around! People will be looking at us."

 

I said, "I'm a 36 yo married homeschooling mother of 2 kids. NO ONE is looking at me. And I drive a minivan. I'm invisible."

 

And we all know it's true.

[HeathenMom]

when i was 100+ pounds overweight i was invisible. cashiers would never strike up a conversation, and you could forget about someone making a friendly remark in passing.

 

now, people talk to me everywhere.

[Kathleen in VA]

I read in a Reader's Digest article a while back that people generally considered others beautiful based on the symmetry and proportion of their facial features. They presented people with pictures of all kinds of people with all kinds of facial features and found that the ones people designated as "beautiful" had more symmetrical and proportional features.

[kalanamak]

I have noticed how the first thing that will come out of a person's mouth when they are shown a picture of a woman is either, "oh she's so pretty" or "what's wrong with her ....." (you fill in the blanks).

 

Maybe I live in a cave, but the only people I'm "shown pictures of" are kids. Babies mostly. I always go ooooh-ahhhhh after having to deal with a co-worker's pic I just didn't say anything over. I still feel the knife wounds in my back these many years later. :)

[Kathy in MD]

I think this works on several levels.

 

1) If we try to be well groomed, it affects how we feel about ourselves. We feel inside that we are worth the extra effort and that shows in how we carry ourselves.

 

2) When we carry ourselves well, show we have selfconfidence, others respond to us better.

 

3) When I was overweight by a lot, I didn't worry about my appearance. I lost weight and bought new clothes and it helped my attitude and others'. Yet I have known others who were very overweight, still dressed with flair and confidence and people responded.

 

4)What we wear often sends a message we don't mean to. A couple of years ago, my ds discovered hoodies. He'd go around with the hood up and his hands jambed in his pockets. If I didn't know him, I would have avoided him. He looked like trouble. Being forced to wear a suit to a wedding suddenly changed his attitude, partially because of how others react. He now wears his suit to church without any prompting, but the other kids are still wearing jeans and other super casual clothing. When I 1st out of college, I had a cute skirt and blouse I wore all the time. Then I had a sales rep assume I was a brainless, secretary (sorry to the secretaries) speak condensendingly to me. He had no idea that his paycheck depended on my being happy. That was the last day I didn't wear a suit to work.

[Pink Fairy]

I agree that it's true, but as a bbw (big, beautiful woman :001_smile:) I don't let other people's perceptions affect me. When I relate to people, no matter what I'm wearing or look like, I try to be friendly and confident. I don't allow people to treat me poorly, but then I've never noticed anyone trying to do so. People that I care about don't give a hoot if I need to lose 40 lbs, and if they did I doubt we'd be friends.

 

It probably comes more into play when you are out in the workforce or dating, but for me personally--not so much.

[Rosie_0801]

This book jumped off the book shop shelf at me years ago, it was an interesting read. http://www.amazon.com/Survival-Prettiest-Science-Nancy-Etcoff/dp/0385479425

 

I used to be a jeans and t-shirt sort of girl, then started wearing crushed velvet skirts. One day a person of interesting hair and clothing choice came up and asked me the time. My first reaction was "Why is he asking me?!!" since people generally didn't approach me (which is why I had been the jeans and t shirt girl). I answered him, then looked around at all the people wearing work clothes and realised I'd had an identity change :)

 

Rosie

[elw_miller]

I read in a Reader's Digest article a while back that people generally considered others beautiful based on the symmetry and proportion of their facial features. They presented people with pictures of all kinds of people with all kinds of facial features and found that the ones people designated as "beautiful" had more symmetrical and proportional features.

 

"One key to physical attractiveness is symmetry; humans, like other species, show a strong preference for individuals whose right and left sides are well matched. Denzel Washington’s face, on the left, is almost completely symmetrical. Lyle Lovett’s, on the right, is not — as revealed by a computerized image made up of his left side repeated on the right."

 

Newsweek, June 3, 1996 v127 n23 p60(7). Excerpt from The biology of beauty, (Cover Story) Geoffrey Cowley.

http://www.symonics.com/sci_balancing.html

 

I think that society dictates what is beautiful, though, too--certain fashions, certain make-up, certain body-type and weight, etc. Gosh, I'm out! ;) Short in height instead of tall, very long brown hair I keep in a bun versus whatever "do" is in right now, medium-build body instead of slender, I abhor make-up in general, and I'm not particularly fashionable (though I do try to be presentable). Oh well. :)

[AuntieM]

I read in a Reader's Digest article a while back that people generally considered others beautiful based on the symmetry and proportion of their facial features. They presented people with pictures of all kinds of people with all kinds of facial features and found that the ones people designated as "beautiful" had more symmetrical and proportional features.

 

This fact (documented by research), as well as other points surrounding this issue, is explored in a book I just read titled Why Beauty Matters. It was an interesting read.

[Sharon H in IL]

Do you know Jacqueline Mitchard? She's a novelist, and a mother of several children. I knew her as the author of a column in the Milwaukee Journal when we lived there.

 

One of her columns was about how when she and her DH attended preparation for birth classes, an icebreaker question was "What characteristic would you most like for your child to have?" and most answered something very noble and generic.

 

Mitchard said she reduced the whole room to a shocked silence when she said, "Beauty."

 

Most things you can feel, as a mother, that you can have an impact on as your baby grows. A good character, good health habits, intellectual skill (if not the raw material :tongue_smilie:). But one thing can't be changed much: your looks. And good looks have an undeniable positive effect on how the rest of your life goes.

 

Good looking people are happier, have more friends, enjoy life more on many different metrics, and even earn higher salaries. (I don't know that there's any research that says they are more virtuous, but as a mother, I think I have quite a say in how that training program goes.) It's a gift. What you do with it is up to you, but Mitchard's point was that she couldn't *do* anything about it, so she could at least hope for it to occur naturally.

 

Symmetry, youth, and good health are the golden triad of beauty, male and female. They represent good reproductive health, and every society in the world ever studied values those three things. No culture values an asymmetric face, which is correlated highly with genetic mutations. No culture values old people as marriage partners, unless they bring very high status. Good health is a universal goal.

 

And after reading John Malloy's "Dress For Success" you'll never underestimate the power of our public presentation to make a good first impression.

 

On a first meeting, no one can know if you're nice or mean, weak-willed or courageous, flighty or intellectual. Our interior self is not available without a longer acquaintance, and I think it's silly for people to bemoan snap judgements. We all make them, because we must.

 

What is problematic is when those snap judgements are not amenable to change. As a previous poster said, we grow to love those whom we admire, and they seem more beautiful to our eyes, while "Handsome is as handsome does."

[Ibbygirl]

I wish it were not true, but my experiences cause me to think that it is true. :001_huh:

 

My dd (15) is a very pretty girl, and I get constant feedback about it. It concerns me, because I worry that she won't be expected (by the world) to be smart and capable. I have always made an effort, especially when dd is present, to mention that she is beautiful on the inside, too. Once when I said this, I had someone look surprised, and say, "Really?". Her response almost seemed to insinuate that the two attributes could not co-exist.

 

I hate to admit it, but I probably make subtle judgments about people based on outer appearance, too. I hate that I do this, but years of conditioning have made it a hard habit to break. I love it when I'm proved wrong, though.:D

 

To answer your question, I know that my family "conditioned" me to think this way. They place a huge emphasis on outward appearance, and I spend much of my energy fighting this default. Now, maybe they were hardwired many generations before, but they have definitely adopted this attitude in a way that made it part of my environment. An example of this might be my mother saying, "Are you going out like that", when my hair isn't nicely done. Over the years, I became hardwired to never go out in public without doing my hair and make-up. If my mother had ignored my appearance, I might be more relaxed about it today. My grandfather is almost 90 years old, and every time I see him he lectures me about how I should work out at the gym for at least 3 hours a week (which he still does, by the way!).

 

I could go on, but you get the idea.

 

Lori

 

 

Oh wow!! It really is a biggie in your family!! You know, I used to get the same thing when I was a teenager. I'm 5'10 and people used to tell me all.the.time. that I should be a model. I know I probably could have, but I never wanted to be one. I always wanted to be a person who was valued and "seen" for who I was on the inside. The money to be made, all of that stuff, I didn't give one care about it. I think I inherited my mom's headstrong and "go against the establishment" mode of thinking. :p

 

I'm so glad that you let people know how beautiful your daughter is on the inside. I love that!! I do that with mine as well. :)

[Ibbygirl]

I find I am treated differently if I have children with me or not. If my dc are with me, I am usually ignored or "talked down to". If they are not with my, I am generally treated better. Not sure what is up with that.

 

 

Who treats you differently women or men?? or both? Just curious. :) When I'm out with my kids I think I'm too distracted by them to notice how anyone is treating me or reacting to me. :p hehe

[Ibbygirl]

when i was 100+ pounds overweight i was invisible. cashiers would never strike up a conversation, and you could forget about someone making a friendly remark in passing.

 

now, people talk to me everywhere.

 

 

Wow!! Congratulations on losing that weight! That's quite an accomplishment to be proud of!! May I ask what was the catalyst that got you to lose the weight? Was it mostly for health reasons or to improve your appearance? I'm just curious and I hope I don't offend you with my question. I just am wondering what the main motivator was. Thanks. :)

[Ibbygirl]

I think this works on several levels.

 

1) If we try to be well groomed, it affects how we feel about ourselves. We feel inside that we are worth the extra effort and that shows in how we carry ourselves.

 

2) When we carry ourselves well, show we have selfconfidence, others respond to us better.

 

3) When I was overweight by a lot, I didn't worry about my appearance. I lost weight and bought new clothes and it helped my attitude and others'. Yet I have known others who were very overweight, still dressed with flair and confidence and people responded.

 

4)What we wear often sends a message we don't mean to. A couple of years ago, my ds discovered hoodies. He'd go around with the hood up and his hands jambed in his pockets. If I didn't know him, I would have avoided him. He looked like trouble. Being forced to wear a suit to a wedding suddenly changed his attitude, partially because of how others react. He now wears his suit to church without any prompting, but the other kids are still wearing jeans and other super casual clothing. When I 1st out of college, I had a cute skirt and blouse I wore all the time. Then I had a sales rep assume I was a brainless, secretary (sorry to the secretaries) speak condensendingly to me. He had no idea that his paycheck depended on my being happy. That was the last day I didn't wear a suit to work.

 

Interesting points!! I do know what you mean about larger ladies wearing it well with confidence. I have to tell you, one of the most beautiful women in the world (in my opinion) is Queen Latifah!. I think she is just gorgeous and everytime I see her I hear myself saying, "she is so beautiful". I'm so glad she's not a skinny minny. I think it would completely destroy her beauty if she was.

[Ibbygirl]

This book jumped off the book shop shelf at me years ago, it was an interesting read. http://www.amazon.com/Survival-Prettiest-Science-Nancy-Etcoff/dp/0385479425

 

I used to be a jeans and t-shirt sort of girl, then started wearing crushed velvet skirts. One day a person of interesting hair and clothing choice came up and asked me the time. My first reaction was "Why is he asking me?!!" since people generally didn't approach me (which is why I had been the jeans and t shirt girl). I answered him, then looked around at all the people wearing work clothes and realised I'd had an identity change :)

 

Rosie

 

hehehehehe It's interesting that it was the guy who was the first to notice. :) It's also interesting to me the replies in this thread that talk about how guys are treated differently as well. I never thought about the fellas tbh. I always thought it was just women who deal with these issues. I think I must be the one living in a cave. :p hehe

[Karen sn]

Not so much what I am wearing - but how I FEEL in it.

The sexiest I ever felt in my life was in jeans and a flannel shirt, driving around Alaska in my Ford Explorer, with my dog hanging out the window.

 

I just felt wonderful and I loved that truck....and my dog.

And the jeans fit perfect and it was cool outside.......

I was excited to be in a new place with hope for the future.

 

I think sometimes folks react to how we feel - the energy we put out.

Because I can dress up just fine and not feel half as good as I did that day and I think people feel it.

 

The other sexiest I ever felt was fat and pregnant, in a pair of shorts and barefoot on my horse. Anytime I was on that horse I was happy. And I think it showed.

 

Also - I prefer a rugged looking guy anyday!

Don't really think a suit is all that sexy. Give me a man who looks like he can hang a door, fix a car, mow the yard and take out the trash. Just ask my man......I think he's incredibly gorgeous at the sink washing dishes and walking the baby.

[Ibbygirl]

Do you know Jacqueline Mitchard? She's a novelist, and a mother of several children. I knew her as the author of a column in the Milwaukee Journal when we lived there.

 

One of her columns was about how when she and her DH attended preparation for birth classes, an icebreaker question was "What characteristic would you most like for your child to have?" and most answered something very noble and generic.

 

Mitchard said she reduced the whole room to a shocked silence when she said, "Beauty."

 

Most things you can feel, as a mother, that you can have an impact on as your baby grows. A good character, good health habits, intellectual skill (if not the raw material :tongue_smilie:). But one thing can't be changed much: your looks. And good looks have an undeniable positive effect on how the rest of your life goes.

 

Good looking people are happier, have more friends, enjoy life more on many different metrics, and even earn higher salaries. (I don't know that there's any research that says they are more virtuous, but as a mother, I think I have quite a say in how that training program goes.) It's a gift. What you do with it is up to you, but Mitchard's point was that she couldn't *do* anything about it, so she could at least hope for it to occur naturally.

 

Symmetry, youth, and good health are the golden triad of beauty, male and female. They represent good reproductive health, and every society in the world ever studied values those three things. No culture values an asymmetric face, which is correlated highly with genetic mutations. No culture values old people as marriage partners, unless they bring very high status. Good health is a universal goal.

 

And after reading John Malloy's "Dress For Success" you'll never underestimate the power of our public presentation to make a good first impression.

 

On a first meeting, no one can know if you're nice or mean, weak-willed or courageous, flighty or intellectual. Our interior self is not available without a longer acquaintance, and I think it's silly for people to bemoan snap judgements. We all make them, because we must.

 

What is problematic is when those snap judgements are not amenable to change. As a previous poster said, we grow to love those whom we admire, and they seem more beautiful to our eyes, while "Handsome is as handsome does."

 

That is what I always hoped for myself. I am one of those people with natural beauty. I have good features and figure shape and I even have the height too and I can tell you the downsides of it are jealousy and competition by other women and a lot of creepy and unwanted attention from men (as well as advances).

 

I have always struggled finding friends in my life and actually have a very precious few of them. I have always wanted to be loved and valued for the person that I am inside. So many of my boyfriends (before marrying dh of course) treated me like a trophy instead of a person. Sometimes I wonder if they even knew anything about me at all or if it even mattered to them. :(

 

That is one of the reasons that I love the internet. I love it that people judge me based upon my personality and character without having a clue as to what I look like!! It's wonderful. :)

[Karen sn]

My dh is a carpenter. He's also had a job where he wore a suit all day. It's amazing the difference in the way he is treated when wearing carpenter clothes or a suit by people in retail stores.

 

I don't think you have to be dressed to the nine's all the time and I think a lot of beauty is exuded confidence not your clothing. If you walk in with confidence, head held high, smile, and look people in the eye you can carry off just about any outfit, imo.

 

But I bet in a small town restaurant he'd get better treatment in his carpenter clothes....because any waitress knows it ain't the lawyers or the politicians who tip good. It's the grungy mechanics who know what it's like to work hard for a dollar.

[mcconnellboys]

Yes, I believe that both beauty and dress make a large first impression on many people.

 

After being required to dress for work for years, I've adopted a jeans and t-shirt/sneaker mode of dress in my retirement. When I was in Louisiana, this did not seem to make any difference in the way I was treated.

 

When I moved to Kentucky, because my accent apparently resembles that of eastern Kentuckians - and because many here are obviously prejudiced against that group of people for some reason - I have often been treated badly.

 

On numerous occasions, people who have been behaving in a condescending way to me have had to check their step and regroup, LOL. At times, others have come up to me and begun talking about some project I'm working on, etc., and the folks learn that I am not what they've imagined. On other occasions, I've had to show up dressed for something on a second or third meeting, and they seem shocked. Or they have to come by my house for some reason, and are again apparently shocked....

 

I've made it a point in recent years NOT to dress when I'm looking to make a major purchase. If folks can't treat me appropriately dressed in any sort of clean clothes, then I'm not over eager to spend my money with them. I don't believe as a consumer that I'm required to wow merchants into serving me. My money spends the same as anyone elses....

 

I'm not quite sure if the number of social climbers in society is on the increase, or just why people can't seem to be polite to strangers they meet or deal with out in public any longer, but I do find it most irritating (and I'm not playin' that game....)

[Rosie_0801]

Also - I prefer a rugged looking guy anyday!

Don't really think a suit is all that sexy. Give me a man who looks like he can hang a door, fix a car, mow the yard and take out the trash. Just ask my man......I think he's incredibly gorgeous at the sink washing dishes and walking the baby.

 

Oh yeah. A guy washing dishes is definately sexy ;) A guy in armour is pretty sexy too, but they smell bad.

 

:)

Rosie

[Nestof3]

The other day, we were reading about Abraham sending his servant off to find his son a wife, and the first thing mentioned about her was "and she was beautiful."

 

When I read fairy tales, the virtuous woman is beautiful while the horrible person is "ugly."

 

In Christian circles in college, the beautiful women always got boyfriends or got engaged sooner than the not so beautiful -- regardless of spirituality.

 

Some doctors admitted in a survey to giving more time and attention to their attractive patients.

 

So, I would say that beauty does influence a lot.

[Garga]

I read that one about the doctors paying more attention to the better looking patients. I always dress up to go to the doctors, even if I feel really crummy. And I dress my kids up really cute when we go to the ped.

[Ibbygirl]

Oh yeah. A guy washing dishes is definately sexy ;) A guy in armour is pretty sexy too, but they smell bad.

 

:)

Rosie

 

LOL

 

 

Yes, I believe that both beauty and dress make a large first impression on many people.

 

After being required to dress for work for years, I've adopted a jeans and t-shirt/sneaker mode of dress in my retirement. When I was in Louisiana, this did not seem to make any difference in the way I was treated.

 

When I moved to Kentucky, because my accent apparently resembles that of eastern Kentuckians - and because many here are obviously prejudiced against that group of people for some reason - I have often been treated badly.

 

On numerous occasions, people who have been behaving in a condescending way to me have had to check their step and regroup, LOL. At times, others have come up to me and begun talking about some project I'm working on, etc., and the folks learn that I am not what they've imagined. On other occasions, I've had to show up dressed for something on a second or third meeting, and they seem shocked. Or they have to come by my house for some reason, and are again apparently shocked....

 

I've made it a point in recent years NOT to dress when I'm looking to make a major purchase. If folks can't treat me appropriately dressed in any sort of clean clothes, then I'm not over eager to spend my money with them. I don't believe as a consumer that I'm required to wow merchants into serving me. My money spends the same as anyone elses....

 

I'm not quite sure if the number of social climbers in society is on the increase, or just why people can't seem to be polite to strangers they meet or deal with out in public any longer, but I do find it most irritating (and I'm not playin' that game....)

 

 

That would be an interesting spin off thread.... "Do people treat you differently because of your accent?" I know I am guilty of this one as a Southerner living in a state that has many Northerners. To be fair, they are the ones that gave me the prejudice in the first place because they would always say how horrible my state is and what a hell hole it is and NY is so much better etc. etc. I have to check myself whenever I hear a real NYC accent and make a conscious effort to give the person the better of the doubt rather than instantly judging them as "one of those NYer's".

 

The other day, we were reading about Abraham sending his servant off to find his son a wife, and the first thing mentioned about her was "and she was beautiful."

 

When I read fairy tales, the virtuous woman is beautiful while the horrible person is "ugly."

 

In Christian circles in college, the beautiful women always got boyfriends or got engaged sooner than the not so beautiful -- regardless of spirituality.

 

Some doctors admitted in a survey to giving more time and attention to their attractive patients.

 

So, I would say that beauty does influence a lot.

 

 

That's a shame. :( It was exactly situations like this that made me start this thread in the first place... I was wondering if what I had noticed was universal or just unique to my local. It seems like it's pretty universal. Thanks so much for your post. :)

[Denisemomof4]

I've had people NOT like me because of my good looks when I was younger, and I also got jobs over people more qualified than myself BECAUSE of my looks. I absolutely HATED both. I wanted to be liked FOR ME and nothing else.

 

I'm older now and 30 pounds overweight and no longer have that issue. ;) I'm planning to work on the weight part now that I have at least a little time to focus on ME but now that I'm older I find that I'm accepted pretty much anywhere.

[OrganicAnn]

There is a phrase in English (not common now but was in the past) that "anatomy is destiny". Which means your physical attributes will affect your life. Just recently there was a survey that said that taller people earned more than shorter people. I saw another one that said women in college that were heavier had better grades (I guess because they didn't party as much?).

[GailV]

Hard wired to react favorably to beauty.

 

Society dictates what is considered "beauty."

 

 

 

I agree totally.

[Karen sn]

 

 

 

 

That's a shame. :( It was exactly situations like this that made me start this thread in the first place... I was wondering if what I had noticed was universal or just unique to my local. It seems like it's pretty universal. Thanks so much for your post. :)

 

One thing about doctors spending more time with their attractive patients.

I happen to think that old people are beautiful. I love their eyes and their soft wrinkled skin. I would have to admit that as an RN, I too spend more time with those people who I think are beautiful. My old patients ALWAYS get more attention.

 

Maybe we all do it - but we define beautiful differently.

[Ibbygirl]

I've had people NOT like me because of my good looks when I was younger, and I also got jobs over people more qualified than myself BECAUSE of my looks. I absolutely HATED both. I wanted to be liked FOR ME and nothing else.

 

I'm older now and 30 pounds overweight and no longer have that issue. ;) I'm planning to work on the weight part now that I have at least a little time to focus on ME but now that I'm older I find that I'm accepted pretty much anywhere.

 

 

I've had the same experience. When I was younger, I dealt with those issues as well, but motherhood is a great equalizer and now that I am no longer, the youngest, prettiest etc. etc. I'm so much more comfortable in my skin. It's so nice to be able to walk down the street and be completely ignored versus having guys screaming out, "Hey baby!!" when they drive by. hehehe

 

**What do they honestly think is going to happen when they do that?? Do they think the girl is going to chase after their car or something?? hehehe :p**

[Pink Fairy]

One thing about doctors spending more time with their attractive patients.

I happen to think that old people are beautiful. I love their eyes and their soft wrinkled skin. I would have to admit that as an RN, I too spend more time with those people who I think are beautiful. My old patients ALWAYS get more attention.

 

Maybe we all do it - but we define beautiful differently.

 

I'm not sure why, but I just find this incredibly sweet. :001_wub:

[Ibbygirl]

I'm not sure why, but I just find this incredibly sweet. :001_wub:

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: That is VERY sweet!! I LOVE the older people too. They all remind me of my grandparents. :p

[ElizabethB]

My daughter was a very cute baby (she's still pretty cute!)

 

People would look at her and smile and wave when we went out to the grocery store or wherever.

 

When she was 9 months old, we visited relatives with two very friendly dogs and her face broke out horribly from the saliva. While her face looked like that, no one smiled or waved, and people would turn away. When her face cleared up several days later, people went back to looking and smiling and waving.

 

I had just finished reading one of Dobson's books, I think it was "Hide and Seek," where he talked about how different life was for an ugly person than for a beautiful person. So, the difference in how my daughter was treated really struck me, I had never realized how much of a difference it could make.

 

My Grandmother is another interesting story. She was of Swedish decent, tall and skinny. I had never seen a picture or her when she was younger until I was in my early 20's. I saw one and said to her, "Grandma, you were beautiful." She said, "Really, you think so? I never thought so. You were supposed to be short and dark haired when I was growing up. I was called dirty little Swede as a child." If she had been born 50 years later and had her teeth fixed, she could have been a model.

[eternalknot]

 

Do you think we are culturally conditioned to respond more favorably to a beautiful person over a more plain person or do you think it is something we are "hard wired" for??

 

I believe we are hard-wired to choose beauty, whether we're sizing up a reproductive mate or a fruit to eat. We see beauty as an indicator of health, and thereby an assurance of our safety in partaking thereof (be it a person or just produce).

 

I think we are culturally conditioned as to what we find beautiful. (I liked reading the post above about the Swedish grandmother, very true sentiment!)

[Ibbygirl]

My daughter was a very cute baby (she's still pretty cute!)

 

People would look at her and smile and wave when we went out to the grocery store or wherever.

 

When she was 9 months old, we visited relatives with two very friendly dogs and her face broke out horribly from the saliva. While her face looked like that, no one smiled or waved, and people would turn away. When her face cleared up several days later, people went back to looking and smiling and waving.

 

I had just finished reading one of Dobson's books, I think it was "Hide and Seek," where he talked about how different life was for an ugly person than for a beautiful person. So, the difference in how my daughter was treated really struck me, I had never realized how much of a difference it could make.

 

My Grandmother is another interesting story. She was of Swedish decent, tall and skinny. I had never seen a picture or her when she was younger until I was in my early 20's. I saw one and said to her, "Grandma, you were beautiful." She said, "Really, you think so? I never thought so. You were supposed to be short and dark haired when I was growing up. I was called dirty little Swede as a child." If she had been born 50 years later and had her teeth fixed, she could have been a model.

 

 

Wow!! Thank you so much for sharing your stories. I feel so sorry for your little daughter though. :( That is so interesting with your grandmom.

[Ibbygirl]

I believe we are hard-wired to choose beauty, whether we're sizing up a reproductive mate or a fruit to eat. We see beauty as an indicator of health, and thereby an assurance of our safety in partaking thereof (be it a person or just produce).

 

I think we are culturally conditioned as to what we find beautiful. (I liked reading the post above about the Swedish grandmother, very true sentiment!)

 

 

:iagree: It seems to be this way to me as well. Why else do we seek out beauty in art, or in nature, music etc... It's just a pity that as humans we don't have much choice about how we look, makeup, hair dye, surgery, can only do so much. I know a man, he is the Pastor of the special needs ministry at my church. He is an amazing godly man and has such a heart for the kids. He was almost killed in a car fire when he was 2 years old. He was strapped into his car seat and the car was burning. A stranger broke into the car and rescued him and in the process was very burned as well, but Joel was covered in 3rd degree burns over his entire body. He is very disfigured and has no hands, but he loves the Lord in such an amazing way. I have gotten to know him well over the years and he is just such a good hearted kind person I always think, "man, some lady would be lucky to have him for a husband." I am very happy that he now has a very serious girlfriend to a precious lady. They are so sweet together. He always hugs her all the time. :) I know though that not just anybody would be able to see past his scars. I'm so glad that she is able to and see the beautiful heart of the person underneath. :)

[Denisemomof4]

I've had the same experience. When I was younger, I dealt with those issues as well, but motherhood is a great equalizer and now that I am no longer, the youngest, prettiest etc. etc. I'm so much more comfortable in my skin. It's so nice to be able to walk down the street and be completely ignored versus having guys screaming out, "Hey baby!!" when they drive by. hehehe

 

**What do they honestly think is going to happen when they do that?? Do they think the girl is going to chase after their car or something?? hehehe :p**

 

I'll admit that sometimes I still get "the look" and my oldest son, in particular, REALLY has a problem with it. He once yelled out, "She has FOUR KIDS WITH HER, FOUR KIDS, do you SEE THAT?" He gets SO mad when men give me "the look" and sometimes it makes me, a married woman for 20 years now, feel sick inside. I do NOT take it as a compliment. My son now just gives an angry look back. :001_smile: My husband takes it as a compliment and is NOT threatened at all.

 

But for the most part, I'm ignored, too, and LOVE IT.

Edited July 19, 2009 by Denisemomof4

[mrsrevmeg]

When my middle son was a baby he had the most beautiful blond, curly hair and big, blue eyes. His older brother had straight, brown hair. People would stop and comment how Benjamin looked like an angel all the time, and just ignore Nathaniel. It would break my heart for him. One day an older couple came up to us and were commenting on Benjamin's beautiful hair and Nathaniel blurted out, "I've got hair too, you know!" Since then I have really made a conscience effort to compliment children on things other than looks. I have seen how my beautiful child would be made to feel bad about how he looked just because others thought it was only his brother who was beautiful.

[Ibbygirl]

When my middle son was a baby he had the most beautiful blond, curly hair and big, blue eyes. His older brother had straight, brown hair. People would stop and comment how Benjamin looked like an angel all the time, and just ignore Nathaniel. It would break my heart for him. One day an older couple came up to us and were commenting on Benjamin's beautiful hair and Nathaniel blurted out, "I've got hair too, you know!" Since then I have really made a conscience effort to compliment children on things other than looks. I have seen how my beautiful child would be made to feel bad about how he looked just because others thought it was only his brother who was beautiful.

 

 

Oh bless his heart!!! :grouphug: BTW, Nathaniel is SUCH a cool name!!! Love it! :)

[ElizabethB]

I feel so sorry for your little daughter though. :(

 

Oh, she's fine now, it was only temporary and didn't even look like it hurt or itched much, it just changed her appearance until her skin had time to recover away from the dogs.

[Ibbygirl]

Oh, she's fine now, it was only temporary and didn't even look like it hurt or itched much, it just changed her appearance until her skin had time to recover away from the dogs.

 

I'm glad that it physically didn't bother her either but I was feeling sorry for her emotionally more than anything. I hope that her feelings were not hurt. Hopefully she didn't even notice. I know for myself sometimes I see the way people treat my daughter and it hurts me deeply and yet she herself is (blissfully) oblivious to the entire situation. :p hehe

[kalanamak]

 

When she was 9 months old, we visited relatives with two very friendly dogs and her face broke out horribly from the saliva. While her face looked like that, no one smiled or waved, and people would turn away.

 

 

Studies have shown a pretty child is more likely to be buckled in a car seat than a homely one, male or female....

[KidsHappen]

Everything that I have read suggests that for the most part it is hard wired. Culture, to a certain extent, does play into exactly what we find attractive but the preferance for attractiveness seems to be innate. A good book that covers this is: Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blonds? I have read some others as well but I can't think of them of the top of my head right now.