Rich with Kids Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 (edited) . Edited July 14, 2009 by Rich with Kids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I always have to fight that urge within myself too, Stripe. Like my dad always said, "Pregnancy is self-inflicted." (of course, not including rape/incest, etc.) astrid When I was younger I did some mental math and asked my dad, "Was I a surprise?" His response was awesome: "When people do certain things, they shouldn't be surprised by the results.":D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I would tell her she will regret it every day for the rest of her life.I would not tell someone that any feeling, either relief or regret is a certainty. Since there are some people who don't feel as you describe, it is not true of all, and it is disingenuous to pretend that it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 It's everybodies business when the life of a child is a stake. :iagree:I totally agree. I would never just stand back and watch a young child be beat to death and say I will intervene if the child or parent asks me to. Why would it be any different for the unborn child. If given the opportunity, I would also gently remind this young woman that there are consequences for our actions. Sometimes we GET to do difficult things because of them like carry a baby for nine months and then bless a family that wants a baby and can't have one. Or we Get to care for that child and my be our life won't be the same as if we didn't have that child but it would be blessed by the child. I pray you have opportunity to have a heart to heart with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 So I wonder if those people really regret the abortion? Or just sort of regret that it happened (that it "was necessary" or regret that they had a one-night stand or whatever)? Or is it too hard to parse the difference? I think these are important questions. And it gets to the heart of the message that many women who do regret their abortions are trying to send: that abortion doesn't solve women's problems, it creates new ones. Abortion does not magically erase the problems that lead to that choice in the first place, but it can, and frequently does, leave a whole new set of problems in its wake. Not accusing you (or anyone else) of this at all, but *I* used to think that all the talk of women regretting their choice to abort was just pro-life hype. But spend five minutes with google and you will find dozens of websites designed by women who are hurting from their abortions, reaching out to others who are hurting. You'll read stories of women suffering from classic symptoms of post-traumatic stress from their abortions, including many who became addicted to drugs or alcohol in a failed attempt to escape their pain, and some who even attempted suicide. Abortion regret is a very serious problem. For those reasons and others, I would consider it my business to try to help this young woman, even if she didn't ask for my help. I would, however, try to tread as lightly as possible. A heavy-handed approach, or telling her that it is murder, while well-intentioned, is probably only going to serve to shut her down and keep her from listening and trusting. She's scared right now. She doesn't need judgment but love, acceptance, and support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 (edited) . Edited July 14, 2009 by Rich with Kids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Not every woman who chooses to abort a pregnancy feels wracked with guilt. It's simply not true. I think the best approach to this would be to kindly offer your support, without attaching any agenda-if you can honestly do that. If she takes you up on it, consider her response an acceptance of your views and feel free to express them. Whose welfare are you most concerned for, hers or her future baby? If it's the baby, I think a prayerful behind-the-scenes approach is best. If it's hers, and you can remain kind no matter what she chooses, then gently approach her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Imo, once you've gotten to this point (let's see if baby is healthy), there are no ignorance excuses. I understand, some people do not believe they're carrying a life, but once you've reached the point of tests, how can you possibly go on believing that?!? That's why it bothers me even more. The death of a baby, that's always horrible, the death of a baby by someone that knows.......... I can't even finish the thought. I fear we're wandering far afield of the OP's question. This isn't a debate about issue of abortion, it's a request for advice about how to offer alternatives to someone who is considering an abortion. astrid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Whose welfare are you most concerned for, hers or her future baby? Your question implies that the welfare of the two is in opposition. What if it isn't? What if they are, in fact, linked? What if they are more than linked, but one and the same? The well-being of a mother and her child are rarely, imo, distinct/separate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 It's everybodies business when the life of a child is a stake. I agree!! I believe this is one of those areas you do butt into because it has to do with the potential killing of a child, and the regret would be so huge later. :( I'm praying pp has no influence on her!! Could y'all encourage her to go to a pregnancy crisis place with pro-life counseling? They can do so much to encourage life vs. death in this!! I have a very df from high school who chose abortion and never got over it...it still haunts her each year around the time the baby would have been born. :crying: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 That would be a very difficult conversation for me to have with someone. We are actively trying to adopt, and it is not easy to do. I so feel, at a gut-deep, soul-deep level, that there is a hole in our family waiting to be filled, but that the child who should fill it will not be born in our family. I feel so helpless and some days hopeless. Someone else out there, someone I don't even know, has the power of life or death over a child that could be my heart-child. Someone I don't even know. The two bio children we have are miracles, and they are the absolute treasures of my life. And how miraculous would it be if there were someone amazing enough out there to do what I cannot and conceive a child, and who would then be even more brave and astounding and have the courage to allow her child to fill the empty space in our family. In so many ways it seems too much to ask, or even hope for, and yet there are so many women out there who casually discard their babies because they are inconvenient. They would not be inconvenient to me, or to thousands of women like me. She may not be ready to be a mother, but I am. I have been for years. Maybe nine months of discomfort is too much to ask a stranger to go through for me and my own heartache, but surely for the life of their own child.... It's a thing I have difficulty discussing, or even allowing to enter my mind often because it hits me at such a deep, personal, wrenching level. I can't even tell you. But if the young lady in question would like to speak with a real, live wannabe adoptive mom, I'd be more than happy to talk with her, just PM me for contact information. We're a licensed, homestudied foster/adopt family in our state, and we'd also be happy to work with a private agency of her choice, or to recommend one we trust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I fear we're wandering far afield of the OP's question. This isn't a debate about issue of abortion, it's a request for advice about how to offer alternatives to someone who is considering an abortion. astrid Why am I the example? Just curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shusband Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 What will you wish you had done when you're 80? We found out mid way through my first pregnancy that the baby would live for about 2 years at most (trisomy 5p, very rare). I really struggled over whether to terminate. When I thought of my life in the next few years, I really felt like I needed to terminate. When I thought of my life in terms of my entire life - what will I think/feel about this as an elderly (hopefully) woman, then I felt like leaving the child in God's hands was best. Deciding when to end a life is just not a decision we're equipped to make. I know that's religious but it's not "BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS SO!!!!!" Our son died about an hour after he was born. I am grateful every day that we made the decision we did. He was and is a blessing. Summer 2 angels ds6, ds4, ds2, and ds#4 to arrive in December Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I really couldn't be much help. My hubby did tell his sister that it wasn't the baby's fault, why murder it. He also said we'd take the baby. I would also consider the fact that the emotional issues of abortion are well documented, that it has ruined lives much more than a child could. And there are MANY couples like my hubby and I who can't have a child who would love the child dearly, even with an open adoption situation. But really abortion is so bad. I just can't imagine. I would really want to stay away from that issue as much as possible. I'm sure that is because all these babies are murdered every year and lots neglected/abused also while GOOD parents like hubby and I can't have children. So instead of "going there" I'd probably stick to prayer after offering assistance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theresatwist Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Your question implies that the welfare of the two is in opposition. What if it isn't? What if they are, in fact, linked? What if they are more than linked, but one and the same? The well-being of a mother and her child are rarely, imo, distinct/separate. I think it is most often the case that the well-being of the baby is dependent upon the well-being of the mother. IMHO, yes, society needs to care for the baby. But we also need to care for the mother because that's the most effective way that we can care for that child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 But we also need to care for the mother because that's the most effective way that we can care for that child. Yes, I wholeheartedly agree! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I fear we're wandering far afield of the OP's question. This isn't a debate about issue of abortion, it's a request for advice about how to offer alternatives to someone who is considering an abortion. I agree with you that this should not become an abortion debate. But I think understanding motivations and issues of concern to women who are unhappily pregnant and considering abortion might be key to someone who wants to discuss with her other options. But I don't think being nasty or confrontational is the way to go; it is likely to further her retreat, and confirm the view that those who are against abortion want to "force" women to have children they don't want, treat her as a baby machine, etc. As an example, there is a clinic in another town along a road I drive down to go to some shops, where some man regularly stands outside with grisly, bloody photographs on his van and placards. I find him repugnant and I always pray my kids are not paying attention when we pass him. I cannot imagine that anyone is convinced by that rough approach. I would focus on doing whatever possible to help the young woman in her time of need, instead of turning on her to make a point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 (edited) Well, I wouldn't use emotional blackmail tactics like "you'll regret it forever; you're murdering it; xyz wouldn't be here if their mom had aborted them." As some of the earlier posters said, I would ask her what her reasons are for thinking that abortion is her best/only option. These are probably reasons that are easily dealt with in a practical way, but sometimes, in such a drastic situation like an unplanned pregnancy, people's brains don't find the practical in all the chaos that seems to overwhelm them. It is highly likely that all her reasons for thinking "abortion" could be addressed by some practical strategies which would make "adoption" a far more attractive choice to her. Maybe she is worried about finances -- an adoptive couple could take care of her financial needs until baby is born and then adopt baby and take care of its needs from there. Maybe she is worried about interruption in some plans she has -- again, adoptive parents can relieve the financial burdens and she can still easily continue with her plans. If it's school, she can get a deferment on scholarships, and even work with her teachers to make up work. Even if the birth fell during final exams, she can work with teachers still (she can take an Incomplete and make up the finals. Grade gets changed the following semester -- I've done this for students before -- no problem!) Being there to help her navigate through these practical solutions to what she perceives as obstacles will go a long way, too. She may feel alone. Knowing she isn't will make a big difference in her overall outlook. Edited July 14, 2009 by Audrey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Not every woman who chooses to abort a pregnancy feels wracked with guilt. It's simply not true. I think the best approach to this would be to kindly offer your support, without attaching any agenda-if you can honestly do that. If she takes you up on it, consider her response an acceptance of your views and feel free to express them. Whose welfare are you most concerned for, hers or her future baby? If it's the baby, I think a prayerful behind-the-scenes approach is best. If it's hers, and you can remain kind no matter what she chooses, then gently approach her. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ELaurie Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 (edited) Maternal health consequences of abortion Edited July 14, 2009 by ELaurie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 Thanks everyone... my daughter is heartbroken... torn up over this. Her friend has an abortion scheduled for Friday. My daughter sent her a page on a baby 7 weeks along... hoping that she'll read a bit about the baby. I am proud of my daughter... she and her friend have both been physical with boyfriends and it could have been my daughter to be pregnant... my girls wishes it were her instead and grieves over the potential loss of life. It also shows my girl that these choices in relationships do have consequences. She was able to share some of her opinions and share some things from this thread... from her heart... friend to friend... her friend was open to the conversation, but her mind seems made up right now... her mom had told her that if she got pregnant, she'd be kicked out of the home and she doesn't have a place to go. And our home is packed wall to wall with the 11 of us who live here! There is literally no room for her to come here. But... she isn't willing to look at other options, either. Thanks for a great thread, I appreciate it staying so nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Thanks everyone... my daughter is heartbroken... torn up over this. Her friend has an abortion scheduled for Friday. My daughter sent her a page on a baby 7 weeks along... hoping that she'll read a bit about the baby. I am proud of my daughter... she and her friend have both been physical with boyfriends and it could have been my daughter to be pregnant... my girls wishes it were her instead and grieves over the potential loss of life. It also shows my girl that these choices in relationships do have consequences. She was able to share some of her opinions and share some things from this thread... from her heart... friend to friend... her friend was open to the conversation, but her mind seems made up right now... her mom had told her that if she got pregnant, she'd be kicked out of the home and she doesn't have a place to go. And our home is packed wall to wall with the 11 of us who live here! There is literally no room for her to come here. But... she isn't willing to look at other options, either. Thanks for a great thread, I appreciate it staying so nice :crying::crying::crying::crying:Oh Dear God...it is actually painful knowing this. Knowing there is a specific child whose life is about to end....Oh God....So we have 2 days or so to pray for this girl and her mother. There are enough of us here. We can make a difference "from behind the scenes" as someone said. Please, pray for this baby. :crying::crying::crying::crying: Please....pray for this baby..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 :crying::crying::crying::crying:Oh Dear God...it is actually painful knowing this. Knowing there is a specific child whose life is about to end....Oh God....So we have 2 days or so to pray for this girl and her mother. There are enough of us here. We can make a difference "from behind the scenes" as someone said. Please, pray for this baby. :crying::crying::crying::crying: Please....pray for this baby..... Praying for a change of heart for this young girl. God bless her and her baby. I cannot imagine being in her shoes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny from Tenny Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 It's everybodies business when the life of a child is a stake. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Well, I wouldn't use emotional blackmail tactics like "you'll regret it forever; you're murdering it; xyz wouldn't be here if their mom had aborted them." As some of the earlier posters said, I would ask her what her reasons are for thinking that abortion is her best/only option. These are probably reasons that are easily dealt with in a practical way, but sometimes, in such a drastic situation like an unplanned pregnancy, people's brains don't find the practical in all the chaos that seems to overwhelm them. It is highly likely that all her reasons for thinking "abortion" could be addressed by some practical strategies which would make "adoption" a far more attractive choice to her. Maybe she is worried about finances -- an adoptive couple could take care of her financial needs until baby is born and then adopt baby and take care of its needs from there. Maybe she is worried about interruption in some plans she has -- again, adoptive parents can relieve the financial burdens and she can still easily continue with her plans. If it's school, she can get a deferment on scholarships, and even work with her teachers to make up work. Even if the birth fell during final exams, she can work with teachers still (she can take an Incomplete and make up the finals. Grade gets changed the following semester -- I've done this for students before -- no problem!) Being there to help her navigate through these practical solutions to what she perceives as obstacles will go a long way, too. She may feel alone. Knowing she isn't will make a big difference in her overall outlook. :iagree: Note, that I would never in a million years tell someone in this situation it was murder, if only because I could not bear to be the reason they had guilt for the rest of their life. Praying for a change of heart for this young girl. God bless her and her baby. I cannot imagine being in her shoes. :iagree: as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I'm skipping a bunch of pages, but here are my thoughts. I, personally, would not have a conversation specifically about having or not having an abortion. No "This is why you shouldn't do this" or "This is why you should do that." I'd go directly to the issues and concerns at hand. Is she afraid of what her boyfriend will say/do? Is she afraid of what her parents will say/do? Money? Child care? Yadda, yadda. I'd work from those roots. I am extremely pro-choice as well as non-religious. I've had multiple unplanned pregnancies (3 while married and one was with an IUD, so don't judge me! ;)). For me, clearly thinking through the logistics made the decision to continue my pregnancies an easy one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I would deal with the emotional aftermath aspect. It's hard and something that isn't often touched on. But not in the form of, "You'll feel so guilty if you do it," but that there are severe emotional repercussions. The best thing to do would be to make her not feel judged whatever her decision, and to let her know she can talk to you no matter what choice she makes and how she feels about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamamace Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Where is this girl located? My husband and I would do anything we could to help her. Has she thought about getting away for awhile? Does she know there are people out there who are willing to help and provide for her expenses? Or who are willing to adopt the baby? Please feel free to contact me privately as the situation unfolds. I will be praying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 That's a really difficult situation. I hope she has someone who will just LISTEN to her. When you're thinking about whether or not to keep a child, whether that means considering abortion, considering adoption, or raising the child yourself I would think you would have enough spinning around in your head without needing other people interjecting their opinions. Unless she has solicited other people's opinions I really think the best thing a person can do in that kind of situation is to just listen and be supportive regardless of what she decides. This, of course, is just my personal opinion. She is going to get advice and opinions from PP. Not accusing you (or anyone else) of this at all, but *I* used to think that all the talk of women regretting their choice to abort was just pro-life hype. But spend five minutes with google and you will find dozens of websites designed by women who are hurting from their abortions, reaching out to others who are hurting. I just googled abortion regret and found quite a few. http://www.radioiowa.com/gestalt/go.cfm?objectid=B6D8182C-2532-4475-A94901DA24348E8F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 http://www.afterabortion.org/news/Victims.html I also googled abortion regret survey and found quite a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Thanks everyone... my daughter is heartbroken... torn up over this. Her friend has an abortion scheduled for Friday. My daughter sent her a page on a baby 7 weeks along... hoping that she'll read a bit about the baby.:grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Praying that the mother's heart will soften, or that the girl will become open to other options. PM me if there is a chance she'd be willing to stay with loving strangers in central Indiana while she thinks things through a little longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 (edited) For those who love and serve our Lord Jesus Christ: If this baby is murdered via abortion, remember that. . . God Himself shall receive the eternal soul of this baby, and award him or her an honored home, overflowing with love, in His Kingdom. God unconditionally loves both this blinded teenaged girl, and her equally-blinded mother. His love, however, does not remove either His allowing earthly consequences for them both -- ("allowing" does NOT mean God viciously, vindictively sending ugly punishment) -- , or wielding His justice when these women stand before His throne, after death. No judgment is needed or useful from us -- only forgiveness and love, as we struggle to follow Christ's example. From this moment on, our responses must be unceasing prayer for the hearts and lives of the two women and, should it be required after all the prayers, for the soul of the baby. To Him who creates and upholds all life, be all glory and honor ! In Christ, Antonia Edited July 15, 2009 by Orthodox6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Antonia~ Beautifully put. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I would point out my 3 beautiful children, who joined us through adoption. If Daphne were murdered by her bmom, she wouldn't be the sweet, intelligent 8 year old she is today. If Jeran were murdered by his bmom, we wouldn't be sharing all his creative activities with everyone, such as, last week, he peed into the cat box. (gross, I know) He's 5, and he is the most handsome little boy I've ever seen. If Jalen were murdered by his bmom, no one would have ever heard him laugh. He has the best laugh in the world, and when Jalen laughs, everyone laughs with him. Jalen is afraid of nothing. Last week at the zoo, he shouted "gimme my popcorn!" and ran up to a complete strangers and stole a handful of popcorn out of her bag. Jalen is 2, and when he is grown, he will be able to do anything in the world. I'm so thankful their birthmoms didn't murder them. I know they are thankful for the chance to live, too. This is a really touching post. :Angel_anim: Thank God for all those women who chose adoption. Think of all the joy they've brought into the world for the adoptive families and their birth children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamamace Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Praying and sending :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 For those who love and serve our Lord Jesus Christ: If this baby is murdered via abortion, remember that. . . God Himself shall receive the eternal soul of this baby, and award him or her an honored home, overflowing with love, in His Kingdom. God unconditionally loves both this blinded teenaged girl, and her equally-blinded mother. His love, however, does not remove either His allowing earthly consequences for them both -- ("allowing" does NOT mean God viciously, vindictively sending ugly punishment) -- , or wielding His justice when these women stand before His throne, after death. No judgment is needed or useful from us -- only forgiveness and love, as we struggle to follow Christ's example. From this moment on, our responses must be unceasing prayer for the hearts and lives of the two women and, should it be required after all the prayers, for the soul of the baby. To Him who creates and upholds all life, be all glory and honor ! In Christ, Antonia Thank you, Antonia! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted July 15, 2009 Author Share Posted July 15, 2009 Thank you, ladies... we are in the bay area (san francisco) of California. Thank you, so many of you, who are joining my daughter and I in prayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Thank you, Antonia. i agree whole-heartedly. and ftr, I do agree that not all people that work at PP are notorious: iwent to PP to confirm my 1st pregnancy and they only asked if i was going to continue the pg. That was it. i do know that an organization's company policies and tactics are often different from how individuals implement it. For the OP's question, yes, there are plenty of non-religious reasons for encouraging someone to NOT have an abortion: many of them scientific and stemming from Basic Human Rights. you are intentionally killing a living human for convenience. "murder" is a legal term, not a moral one, so in our society today it wouldn't apply. I find it a sad state of a 'civil' society when killing a human for convenience is NOT considered murder, and even sadder that many would stand by and watch it happen. But for the OP's updates, this developing human will die not because the adult is being kicked out, not because she has nowhere to go, not because the father won't help, but because an adult refuses to consider any other options. There are any number of people who will take in this woman and care for her and the child. She would rather kill. THAT's what makes ME angry. and I do hope she changes her mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I think that the pregnant girl's parents need to know that their attitude is contributing to an abortion, if they don't... I am sure that many parents would make a threat like this in order to prevent pregnacy (too late for that), and change their minds when it didn't work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theresatwist Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 She is going to get advice and opinions from PP. I just googled abortion regret and found quite a few. http://www.radioiowa.com/gestalt/go.cfm?objectid=B6D8182C-2532-4475-A94901DA24348E8F I don't know what Planned Parenthood will do or did do. The question I was addressing was what I thought should be done. You and/or Planned Parenthood's opinion on this topic may differ from mine. I don't believe Planned Parenthood should offer their opinion. Whether they do or not is not the question I was addressing. Again, I was thinking about what I think should be done. I understand that reality may not match my wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I don't know what Planned Parenthood will do or did do. The question I was addressing was what I thought should be done. You and/or Planned Parenthood's opinion on this topic may differ from mine. I don't believe Planned Parenthood should offer their opinion. Whether they do or not is not the question I was addressing. Again, I was thinking about what I think should be done. I understand that reality may not match my wishes. I think she was just pointing out that opinions are going to be offered, most likely, contrary to the OP's opinion on the matter. IOW, if the OP were to keep mum, then the only pov the girl would be offered would be the other one... IykwIm :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theresatwist Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I think she was just pointing out that opinions are going to be offered, most likely, contrary to the OP's opinion on the matter. IOW, if the OP were to keep mum, then the only pov the girl would be offered would be the other one... IykwIm :) I think that's what both sides fear in all disputes.:001_smile: That said, I would of course hope that such a young woman would be aware of all options. I've never been in such a difficult situation as that young woman. But, I know when I have had to make very tough decisions I've often felt like the people around me were all eager to jump up on their soapboxes and tell me what's right when what I really needed was someone to just listen while I emptied my head and tried to make sense of my own thoughts and reflect on whether they were logical or not. I'm not saying people close to her shouldn't offer their pov. I just think too often what the person in that difficult situation doesn't have is someone who is willing to just listen and be a shoulder to lie on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I think that's what both sides fear in all disputes.:001_smile: That said, I would of course hope that such a young woman would be aware of all options. I've never been in such a difficult situation as that young woman. But, I know when I have had to make very tough decisions I've often felt like the people around me were all eager to jump up on their soapboxes and tell me what's right when what I really needed was someone to just listen while I emptied my head and tried to make sense of my own thoughts and reflect on whether they were logical or not. I'm not saying people close to her shouldn't offer their pov. I just think too often what the person in that difficult situation doesn't have is someone who is willing to just listen and be a shoulder to lie on. I know, believe me I know. I chose one path and someone very very dear to me chose the other. I was informed (beyond informed), the other person had one talk (with PP). I hate that the other side was not presented. I hate that she made a decision without knowing or being informed. It hurts that she has to live with this decision, while looking at my dd (we were in the same situation at the same time). It hurts to think that my dd could have a very close friend, born to my dear friend. That's why I think it is important that she know everything. That's why I think that normal ettiquette does not apply here. The ramifications are TOO life changing to simply let her stew. If she's only marinading in some of the 'facts,' then how could she be expected to make a choice she could live with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I think that the pregnant girl's parents need to know that their attitude is contributing to an abortion, if they don't... I am sure that many parents would make a threat like this in order to prevent pregnacy (too late for that), and change their minds when it didn't work. absolutely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I don't know if this qualifies me as a bad person or not...but I'd call her parents and let them know that she has an abortion scheduled for Friday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I don't know if this qualifies me as a bad person or not...but I'd call her parents and let them know that she has an abortion scheduled for Friday. I don't think it would necessarily make you a bad person, but would you be prepared to be in the middle of the fallout that might ensue? What if her parents don't even know she's pregnant? What if they react very badly? You could be opening a whole bigger can of worms than you anticipated. I'm not saying not to do it, but... I'd seriously consider how you'd deal with the consequences, and be prepared to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Would you be a tattle tail, or would it be "the right thing to do." It's hard to say. As a mother, I would want to know and I would be thankful to you and shocked, saddened and hurt that my dd did not tell me herself. What is the worst that could happen? She gets kicked out. Dad turns out to be an abusive monster and she gets beaten to death. Dad turns out to be a beastie and her boyfriend ends up dead. Mom goes insane and buys a shotgun and everybody ends up dead. What are the odds? Slim? But, if the slim odds pull through, could you live with that, knowing you tried to do "the right thing." I sort of agree with you Impish, no I wholeheartedly agree with you Impish, but part of me would want to hide the girl first... just in case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I don't think it would necessarily make you a bad person, but would you be prepared to be in the middle of the fallout that might ensue? What if her parents don't even know she's pregnant? What if they react very badly? You could be opening a whole bigger can of worms than you anticipated. I'm not saying not to do it, but... I'd seriously consider how you'd deal with the consequences, and be prepared to do so. I was wondering about this. I think I personally would be hesitant to get involved given that these parents could make that kind of threat to their daughter to begin with. They told her in no uncertain terms that she could NOT turn to them for help if she found herself in this situation. I guess I would tend to take them at their word. Instead, I would try to point her to people who WOULD help her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I was wondering about this. I think I personally would be hesitant to get involved given that these parents could make that kind of threat to their daughter to begin with. They told her in no uncertain terms that she could NOT turn to them for help if she found herself in this situation. I guess I would tend to take them at their word. Instead, I would try to point her to people who WOULD help her. I wonder, though, was this an empty threat to prevent pregnancy? If so, then, it's very possible their reaction to the actual situation could be very different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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