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Want To Start HSing but Husband is NOT on Board...advice


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Hi :) This is my first time posting here and hope I am posting in the right place.

 

I just signed my two older kids up for Time4Learning ages 9 and 7. The 9 year old is starting 4th grade and the 7 year old is starting 3rd.

I also have a 5 year old and 3 year old. Plus I am expecting Aug 14th.

I REALLY want to start homeschooling this fall but DH is so insistent on them doing public school, says I am not prepared and will have a newborn here to care for. I think he would be okay with me HSing the following year, maybe, but i am not sure.

My older two have started using T4L and LOVE it. I would like to add Rod and Staff or Christian Light Education with them. I have also heard great things about Math U See. Money is very tight so that is a factor with our choices.

I had purchased Sonlight 3-4 and 4-5 last year so I have those here that i could use for the younger two. I think that is partially why DH is not on board since we did not stick to a schedule with our now 5 year old. He was very bored with all the reading but someone here mentioned maybe let him color while I read to him which I think is a great idea. And to maybe break it up more.

Do you all think I should let them start the school year at PS?? I really don't want to. DH said just this morning "what if it doens't work out with the HSing and then they have lost all that time at PS"

 

Thanks for any thoughts you may have :)

 

 

 

Cheryl

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Maybe you could use the summer to ease into it and feel your way through it all. If you really believe he might be onboard next year, then afterschooling may be an option for you as well. Maybe you could use that year to really research the curriculums (sounds like you have started) and read some hsing help books to get an idea of what you think your styles are and what may work for you.

 

It sounds like you Dh is just concerned about you getting burnt out. Seeing you research may help him settle into it easier. Good luck! And welcome to the boards!

 

Danielle

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It is very difficult to home school if your husband is not on board. Is he open to further discussion? If he decides to give home schooling a try make sure to discuss what his expectations are regarding the home, dinner, etc. Set goals for homeschooling as well, that way when you go to decide if it's working or not you have a measuring stick. Also, try to find someone other than your dh to be your sounding board. When frustrations arise as they undoubtedly will, if you vent to him it is very likely that his knee-jerk response will be, "Put them in school."

 

Welcome to the board :001_smile:

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My reasons:

I don't feel comfortable with them going to the middle/high school here. To many bad things happening on that end that I wouldn't want them to deal with. I feel by them being home with me, we can work better as a family. I find during the school year, there is a lot more fighting between the kids, the laungage they come home using; hearing that they have to eat their lunch in 30 min or less if there is a line for hot lunch and not being able to finish; my ods is a type 1 diabetic so I can monitor him SO much easier if he was here; I know with them being home, they are getting the attention and love they need/deserve and I know I can give them as good of an education at home as in PS. I signed up for a homeschool group in the area and just found out a friend of mine is going to start hsing her kiddos as well. Activites we have always done through the city so that doesn't concen me.

Mainly I just feel this is what i should be doing for them.

 

 

 

His reasons:

 

If I am unable to "keep up", then the kids will fall behind if they end up back in PS. That is his #1 reason. I think he is thinking more of me then anything else since I have a baby due soon and all. If he saw that I could make a schedule and stick with it, then he would be fine.

 

And yes he is open to further discussion.

 

 

 

Cheryl

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I think he is thinking more of me then anything else since I have a baby due soon and all.

 

Cheryl, I have heard other people say this too. Honestly, I don't understand it. Is it a vote of no-confidence?

 

Tell him you are up to the challenge if you are so and then follow through.

If he saw that I could make a schedule and stick with it, then he would be fine.

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It is very difficult to home school if your husband is not on board. Is he open to further discussion? If he decides to give home schooling a try make sure to discuss what his expectations are regarding the home, dinner, etc. Set goals for homeschooling as well, that way when you go to decide if it's working or not you have a measuring stick. Also, try to find someone other than your dh to be your sounding board. When frustrations arise as they undoubtedly will, if you vent to him it is very likely that his knee-jerk response will be, "Put them in school."

 

Welcome to the board :001_smile:

:iagree::iagree: and very well said.

 

Danielle

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My dh (darling husband) was once opposed to homeschooling, and now is fully on board. I always wanted to, but figured it would take until my dd was in middle school to convince him (this is a man who swore we'd never have cable TV and was the one to say he wanted it a number of years later. We weren't going to get a computer, either ;).)

 

Things were not going well for my dd in ps, so I did my research to help dh in this area. His chief concern was the socialization issue, and if you met my dd when she was 7, you would understand why in part. But when I came to him with some facts, he was willing to give it a try. I wasn't expecting a baby.

 

You do need to both be on board for this, of course. You know your dh, so you may be able to think of a way to help him see this as a workable solution. You don't need 5-6 hours a day to homeschool at those ages because you are only teaching two, not a classroom. You can work during nap time, find some subjects that they could do via video if you're comfortable with that, etc. My dd's learn Latin by a video, for example. My eldest is a great reader, and is able to learn many things by reading rather than by my sitting with her. Discussion can follow reading. Another option, if your dc will do this, is to have your older one read to your younger one, or have one dd watch the baby while you work with the other one.

 

Whatever you do, do try to come to an agreement with your dh. Work on developing a flexible schedule, and point out that you can do school year round if necessary. Many homeschoolers do. If you need to do a lighter load when your baby is very young, then you can work through the summer. We go year round and do "school light" in the summer.

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I agree with everything that has been said so far, and would like to add something... Homeschooling is not rocket science. It takes time and effort, but you can do it. You're not starting out by teaching your kids calculus and nuclear physics. This is elementary school. You know this stuff, and you can teach it. If you can't teach every subject, there are always other options available to you, like online classes and courses on DVD. There is no reason why your kids will fall behind, and every reason to believe that they will excel.

 

On the other hand, your dh's argument has some level of merit, too. You will soon have five children, and you have never homeschooled any of them. You need to have a definite plan before you make a final commitment to homeschooling, and you should probably use the summer as a "trial run" to see how it will work for you. If you're an energetic person, you will do just fine, but if you're a disorganized couch potato, the kids might be better off staying in school. You need to give it a try to see how it works for you and your children, both to demonstrate to your husband that you are serious about homeschooling, but also to be sure it's something you will enjoy for the long haul.

 

I don't want to discourage you, because I know you can do this, but it's not all snuggling on the couch reading fine literature to happy, smiling, attentive children who are grateful to have their mom as their wonderful and caring teacher. We all think it will be -- and some days it is -- but you'll also deal with whining, lack of cooperation, and poor attitudes. You'll have days where you wonder why you ever started teaching your kids at home. You'll want to drag them outside and stick them on the school bus, or any bus, or you'll want to sneak outside and run away from home. It happens to everyone -- and as long as you know it can (and probably will) happen, you'll be ok with it.

 

I think the most important thing is to plan, plan, and plan some more, so you know exactly what you're doing with each child, and how you'll schedule your days. Realistically, I don't think it's a big deal that you weren't very regimented with your 5 year-old, and I don't think it's an indication that you won't be more organized with your older kids. Mosts 5 year olds don't want to sit still for lots of read-alouds, and if your little one is wiggly, concentrate on having fun and learning the basics of phonics/reading, math skills, and handwriting. So many of us want to cover way too much with our kindergartners and first graders, and really, how much do you remember about what you learned in kindergarten and first grade, other than the "basics?" ;)

 

I think it's great that you already have a friend who will be homeschooling, too, because that support will be so valuable to you. I also hope you'll take full advantage of all of us here at the WTM forums, as we're happy to help in any way we can, and to answer any and all of your questions, and to support you when you panic and wonder if you can really homeschool your kids. (I think most of us go into panic mode now and then, so don't be embarrassed to rant and rave sometimes!)

 

Anyway, my dh wasn't in favor of homeschooling when we first started, but I insisted that I could do it -- and I did. You can do the same, and believe me, if I can do it, so can you!

 

Good luck, and I hope you'll give homeschooling a try! :001_smile:

 

Cat

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Suggestion on the read-alouds -- when my dc were little, I found that doing the reading while they were eating worked best, so I'd read to them while they were eating breakfast and lunch and then let them play or do other things while I ate.

 

I concur with the others who suggested starting hsing now and sticking to schedule so that your dh can see that you're serious and can handle it (or you'll discover you want to wait until after the baby). My dh was a homeschool doubter before we started, but is a huge fan of hsing now.

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I printed out several articles about homeschooling and gave them to my husband. He was completely against it. The eventually he gave me a 6 month trial. It sounds like your dh has already, in a way, given you a trial- but he doesnt understand much about education (neither did mine).

If you can find some articles such as Better Late than Early, the Moores, he may realise that not having your 5yo doing much proper school work yet is really a non issue. Also, some articles on the long term benefits of homeschooling etc. I googled and came up with plenty and just chose a select few I thought might sway him- and they did. Within 2-3 months of the "trial" he was totally convinced and still is my biggest supporter.

Now, it might not have swayed him if I had a newborn coming along- he is also very protective of me burning out. But if you are reasonably organised and confident, it might be ok. Plenty of people do homeschool with babies, obviously.

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I printed out several articles about homeschooling and gave them to my husband. He was completely against it. The eventually he gave me a 6 month trial. It sounds like your dh has already, in a way, given you a trial- but he doesnt understand much about education (neither did mine).

If you can find some articles such as Better Late than Early, the Moores, he may realise that not having your 5yo doing much proper school work yet is really a non issue. Also, some articles on the long term benefits of homeschooling etc. I googled and came up with plenty and just chose a select few I thought might sway him- and they did. Within 2-3 months of the "trial" he was totally convinced and still is my biggest supporter.

Now, it might not have swayed him if I had a newborn coming along- he is also very protective of me burning out. But if you are reasonably organised and confident, it might be ok. Plenty of people do homeschool with babies, obviously.

 

 

Yes, great advice. I combine Better Late than Early with Classical Education, modified to suit my dc's needs. My ds did NOT start school right at 5; he wasn't ready. He's now in a big catch up phase (his reading really took off last fall when he was 8).

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My husband was against homeschooling in the beginning also; I think he thought I just wanted to hs so I could still take my nap in the pm instead of picking up the kids from school!! After he saw ds's test scores, he was very proud and pleased. Now, he's very supportive! I think most husbands have that fear that we won't take the job seriously, and the kids will be holding up signs on the side of the road when they're older... "Need money/job, I was homeschooled!" :001_smile:

So, my advice would be to ask husband for a trial year, and at the end of the year, have them tested to see where they are. I have a feeling once he sees what a good job you're doing, he'll be on board. It's also nice to see how the family bonds grow stronger when you're together more as a family.

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In full agreement with the rest of the posters. Another idea, ask dh to teach 1 subject, even if a little one. An elective of sorts. Or put him in charge of bedtime read-aloud every day. It will help him feel involved. Husbands love to see their children learn, too. It will also help him understand/empathize when there are hiccups. He'll know (a little bit) what it is like to have the responsibility to 'keep up' the schooling for a whole year.

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When frustrations arise as they undoubtedly will, if you vent to him it is very likely that his knee-jerk response will be, "Put them in school."

 

Welcome to the board :001_smile:

 

I have to be very careful when I "think outloud" with him through homeschooling challenges, or he thinks I'm stressed or homeschooling isn't working, even though you'll have challenges whether your kids are in public, private, or home school. Thankfully we have a this wonderful board to come to for suggestions.

 

 

Yes, this happened to us a few times the first couple of year; mainly if the house got very messy and the dc were cranky and finances seemed tight. It never happens anymore, though. Over the years dh has seen the benefits. Also, a friend of ours teaches in ps, and after telling some stories about hs incidents, dh is even happier about homeschooling.

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You got some good advice. I only want to:

1 - say welcome to the boards and

2 - add my feelings about what the county schools I have seen are putting out.

 

Kids who can not count back change or add in their heads (some can't even use a calculator). Some who don't get "to, too, and two" or "there, they're and their." Do not enjoy reading or learning. Are completely stressed out by the "standardized tests measure everything" approach to knowledge and the aquisition of it. Are actually capable of more than they are being taught if it were to be taught correctly for their learning style.

 

Not saying all schools or all kids.

But if you happen to have one like mine - a little dyslexic and almost grown out of it - you could end up with a kid who falls between the cracks. We did a slow approach of formal academia in favor of an unschooling method until she could read. Now we do alot of formal "at the kitchen table" school with text books and worksheets. But we still kind of unschool in our approach and really love learning and seeking out the answers to life's mysteries. All of our science is "accidental" and we hang out in the Jr. section of the library looking for interesting things. One week it may be bugs the next is trees. And whatever we see on a walk that we want to know more about. Summer is easy - science is everywhere and we have a good library. We are doing trees and flowers again and really getting into it. We check out library books and videos in whatever subject we love and then we get out there in the real world and put it to use. We have field guides and love outdoors.

 

And the library books for history - amazing.

DK Eyewitness books cover so much history and science. Always fills in the gaps and with beautiful pictures. T

hey also have a DVD series. I love my library.

 

My particular method might not go over with your dh for a few years because when you get on this bandwagon you are still deeply influenced by the only model of education most of us have ever seen or experienced. 8hrs a day in school with 1 to 3 hours of homework and standardized tests. Eventually, you realize that there are a gazillion different ways to do it. And no matter what- one on one time with 5 kids gets it done in a fraction of the time it takes to teach, care for, and attend to the individual and diverse needs of 30 kids in a classroom.

 

Someone mentioned 30 minutes for lunch!!

Including line time and chaos.....

 

Some fathers take on a subject that they want to learn about/teach.

My sister's husband teaches their kids history from the Story of the World.

 

Lessons can be taught anywhere-anytime. We even do car schooling. I review math and grammar in the car all the time. She recites parts of speech definitions and what the lists actually are (like ske knows the entire list of prepositions from A to W....well, not the entire list that exists for mankind....but the list for reference) and we practice math facts (addition and multiplication).

 

You can teach all the kids the same science. And then discuss it more in depth later with the older kids. Verbally quiz them more or have them write little snippets of what they remember (in cursive if possible - thus feeding two birds with one piece of bread).

 

I myself prefer the verbal discussions and quizing for dd.

 

Good luck and congrats on the start of an amazing journey for your family.

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we were faced with a different situation (school wouldn't handle DS medical issues) so we could either send him there and be worried or keep him home (couldnt afford private school)

 

DH was concerned about me HSing, especially with a difficult 2 yr old at home. But by the end of the year DH was totally impressed with what DS had accomplished (and we did a light year....just reading, writing and math).

 

Hopefully your DH will come around to the idea. If you start the HSing and it just isnt working for you, you can still put them in school, its not like they wont be able to go back. I don't think you really have anything to lose, especially when you are teaching elementary grades.

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I know ya'll have been discussing schedule a good bit here...how about if you go on a schedule of sorts already. You make a daily plan as far as what you'll be doing when and what you plan to accomplish outside of regular daily activities (although the regular things should be part of the plan).

 

As you accomplish these items, check them off your plan. Like someone else mentioned, discuss what your husband is expecting from you in the way of maintaining the house and meals, etc. Find out what he is willing to help with and where he will compromise. Once he sees you make a plan and stick to it, he will have more confidence in proposed plan. Show him what you are accomplishing weekly, with the kids and otherwise.

 

One additional note-a homeschool mother is one of THE most concerned when it comes to the kids education. I know not everyone falls into that category, but look at all the posts on this forum!! Of course, you don't want to say yes to homeschooling if it would cause you a nervous breakdown. But, I think each person knows in their heart when it IS the right thing at the right time. If you have the confidence, find ways to communicate that to hubby!!

 

All the best!! Have a great year!!

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If you are a Christian, I would recommend the cassette: Seven Undeniable Truths About Homeschooling by Harvey Bluedorn (my dh LOVED it). It is only $5 plus shipping found at www.triviumpursuit.com

 

You can also read the text version, there is a link to that on my blog. www.homeschoolblogger.com/livingundergrace

 

:001_smile:

Edited by LivingUnderGrace
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Your dh knows you and what you can do a lot better than any of us on this board. If he has concerns, you will need to consider them carefully. I am assuming his children's best interest is his primary goal.

 

I would ask him if you could try it for half of a year. Have him give you some accountability for what they are doing. You will probably need to start the school year a week or two late, so let him know that up front. Find curriculum that have a lot of help for you (R&S Teacher's Manuals, etc.)

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There are many people who would not agree with me. But I seriously believe this. I am very strong on this. If your husband is not on board with homeschooling then, you should not homeschool. If my husband is not on board with something as serious as their academics, I would be defying him. What kind of an example am I to my children if I am not with my husband. Also, your family is not a homeschooling family because everyone is not involved.

 

I use to be a child protective worker before homeschooling. I remember about fathers concerned about their children's education. Many times mothers think that fathers leave the education up to the mothers, but you would be surprised how many of them bring it up as an issue in divorce cases.

 

Basically, I truly believe that it is a dangerous walk to homeschool when your husband is not in support of it. Your husband is a part of your family. If he is not in agreement, then you should put them in public school. Also, you are not a homeschooling family if everyone in the nucleus family is not in agreement.

 

Go with what your husband wants. You'll set a good example to your children too.

 

Blessing,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

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Were it me, I would do two things:

 

1) Remind my husband that if we homeschool, the children are basically getting one-to-one tutoring, so "keeping up" with public schools is not really very hard (personally, I base 0% of what we do at home on what they are doing in schools).

 

and

 

2) Ask my husband to agree to a trial-run of a semester or (even better) a whole year. Judging your ability to homeschool long-term on the first semester after you deliver a baby is not really very fair. I'd also remind my husband that his confidence in me goes a long way toward furthering a loving family environment.

 

I'd also

 

3) Tell my husband that I'm going to homeschool whether he likes it or not, but that's just me, I am not someone who believes that my husband is my authority and I need to submit to him. My husband wouldn't want me to think that, either. YMMV.

 

Tara

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If your dh's main concern is keeping up with ps peers, perhaps getting a hold of the ps scope and sequence somehow will calm his fears. I know NC has each grades' standards up on a website (written in ecuationaleeeese, but...). My dh was happy to see that I have that and compare it to what we actually do during the day. The book series "What your ---grader needs to Know" might be good to keep on the shelf. Make a chart to check off boxes when each thing is covered. If he SEES that with his own eyes, do you think he will gain confidence in HSing?

 

Start early, and plan for a good break when the baby is born.

 

Include dh in read-alouds and use him for a narration target (....have the kids tell Daddy what they learned today, everyday) My dh loves hearing about the little science tidbits ds6 learns, and knows he wouldn't get that in ps.;)

 

You need to be realistic with dh too. HSing and mothering a newborn and adding preschoolers to the mix is a huge job......add caring for the home and cooking....and it's like 3 huge jobs. A talk about priorities should be had. The home will still be there to clean, and there will be meals to cook 20 years from now, but those kids are kids NOW! dh needs to be on board, even if only for a trial run b/c he's going to have to have lower expectations about the home and cooking for a while. Get your dh expressing his "fixitness" (:lol:...all dh's have that compulsive need to fix) by helping you streamline the household.

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3) Tell my husband that I'm going to homeschool whether he likes it or not, but that's just me, I am not someone who believes that my husband is my authority and I need to submit to him. My husband wouldn't want me to think that, either. YMMV.

 

 

I'm asking this out of true curiosity, not trying to argue: I've often heard women say that they will homeschool whether dh likes it or not, and it makes me wonder, how do you decide who gets to choose their educational path if you share decision-making equally and you don't agree. You are both the parents of the children, so how do you decide who gets the say? Usually it seems like the mom is claiming that right. Is that a throwback to a time when dads weren't as involved, or is there another reason?

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Well, luckily for me, my husband wasn't opposed to homeschooling, even though he comes from a family of teachers. When he got to know our first child, he realized school would crush her.

 

When I said what I said, I was being slightly tongue-in-cheek, but only slightly. If there were an issue I felt as passionately about as I do about homeschooling in terms of the welfare of my children, I would probably pull rank on my husband: I am with them all day, I know them intimately in a way that my husband, who loves them dearly but is at work 10 hours a day, doesn't, and I am the one to whom the vast burden of schooling or homeschooling would fall to. If I am going to be doing most of the work (and school is a lot of work, too, I have one child who attends public school), then I feel that my opinions carry more weight. My husband wanted me to be home with his kids (I wanted it to), and I deserve some freedom in making the decisions I think are best. If being a mom is a job, as I often see it described, I want the respect and freedom to make the job decisions I think are best.

 

Tara

 

ETA: To address the other aspect of your question, my husband and I don't necessarily share equal decision-making. It depends on who feels more strongly about an issue and whose area of expertise an issue lies in. My husband overruled my wall-painting ideas because he is an artist and had rational reasons for why my ideas wouldn't really work out. I vetoed his sports schedule arrangement because I was the one who would have to do the lion's share of the driving.

Edited by TaraTheLiberator
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A question, what do you do when your children are disobedient and you cannot get them to do school? Whether or not you feel the husband is the head, I know that a large part of what helps school go well for us is that my husband and I have a united front with the children. They cannot manipulate me to get to my husband and they can't manipulate my husband to get to me. The two of us can combat better than one. How do you manage them when the father is not in agreement? How do you get the children to do what you need them to do if you are the only person who should make the decisions on their education?

 

I am not looking for a dispute. I was just curious because homeschooling is hard. When I have a hard time, my husband is right there.

 

You know what is so neat when he comes home from work, he always asks the children what they did for school. He wants to know how they are doing. I had a problem a while ago, for two days in a row, my older son was whining over his school work. It was awful. I was trying to teach my younger son and my older son was whining. He had a narration to say and he insisted on telling me when he was ready. I was teaching my younger son math. My older did this for a few days. He kept interrupting the lessons with my younger son. My husband talked to him. He explained that he did not want to hear this report when he came home again. My son stopped. How do you work through a problem like that when you try to explain to him and work with him and even discipline him? Nothing I did worked, but my husband talked with him and it stopped. Or do you try to figure it out without your husband because that means bringing him into the schooling aspect?

 

Blessings,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

Edited by Testimony
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My husband was initially not on board with homeschooling. However, this decision was very important to me. For him, it was a huge leap of faith.

 

But just because he decided to trust me and go outside his comfort zone doesn't mean he abdicated his role as a father.

 

My husband can now see the value in HS and is very supportive.

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I had a baby last fall, at the start of the school year, so I can speak to that. If you're at all the type who gets tired, it's VERY hard to get much done. We schooled during the summer and basically took off from the birth till January. Oh, we did a few things, but really we shouldn't have. The MOST you'll get done consistently, in all honesty, is math and LA. Those SL cores are too old for those kids anyway. The 9 yo could almost do SL3, but I'd wait till 5th gr to do it fully. WP AS would work better with the ages you have, and you're NOT gonna have time or strength for that.

 

I'm totally with Karen that your dh needs to be at peace with this, in agreement, not opposed. And I WOULDN'T try to pull the "better late than early" argument with him, because I think he's right on that it's not fair to get them behind in the name of some philosophy when it's really a function of you being overloaded or under-implemented. SO, if you want to homeschool and IF he's on-board, I would strongly suggest you:

 

-have him on board

-get started now to give your self a cushion and some time off when the baby comes this fall

-focus on the BASICS (math and LA) and ditch lofty plans for anything else

 

There's actually no reason why you couldn't do this, but you have to be sane about it. You need math and LA that those two oldest can do almost independently, and they need to sit down and do it every single day before they do anything else. Set them up a chesklist or something and have them doing it without you prompting, even before you get up. If they have to share a computer to make it work, then work out a plan. Get organized and make sure those two things, math and LA, are getting done. As long as those are getting done, everything else is gravy, and they'll test fine, be fine.

 

Then I would get a SIMPLE to implement phonics and math curriculum for that 5 yo, I'm talking 20 -40 minutes total a day, and get going on it.

 

Finally, I suggest you write down your normal habits for the day, what you typically do, and see if you can solidify that or tweak it to make it a bit more structured and productive without pushing you out of your zone. Don't try to revamp your life, just notice your habits (we always like to stop for a midmorning snack, we always nap after lunch, whatever), and write it all down. Your older dc need some structure and routine, which is easy to lose for some people (like me, hehe!). Just recognizing you have a routine or pattern helps. Then you can start to think about how to make it productive and educational. For instance, if you always nap after lunch, but your 9 yo doesn't need naps, then turn that into her school reading time with quality books. You could have a read aloud together with everyone, getting in some informal but perfectly adequate history or science with nice books, then send them off for their naps. Develop some routines like that that work with your normal habits but sneak in more school subjects in practical ways. Don't buy a list of curriculum and think you're going to be implementing it, because you're not. Or at least I wasn't able to. So be practical. Focus on the basics and don't attempt overmuch. Let planning and routine create enough structure that the kids don't get bored or have excessively long periods all to themselves. :)

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BTW, one advantage of having your dh on board is that he'll cover for you. Mine cleans the kitchen, sweeps the floors, waters the plants (even if he does kill them, haha), and even does laundry. He doesn't HAVE to, but he does. You've got to have a peaceful arrangement to make everything work, not antagonism.

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BTW, one advantage of having your dh on board is that he'll cover for you. Mine cleans the kitchen, sweeps the floors, waters the plants (even if he does kill them, haha), and even does laundry. He doesn't HAVE to, but he does. You've got to have a peaceful arrangement to make everything work, not antagonism.

 

 

My husband was not on board initially with homeschooling but there was no antagonism AT ALL. He helped a lot then and still does.

 

Is it understood that when the husband doesn't get his way then he turns into a jerk? (Sincere question) This hasn't been my experience at all. Now I'm wondering how other people's relationship works.

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Is it understood that when the husband doesn't get his way then he turns into a jerk? (Sincere question) This hasn't been my experience at all. Now I'm wondering how other people's relationship works.

 

I don't think that's what people are thinking. I get the feeling that people are saying that if her dh has reservations about her being able to do it all, and the next year descends into chaos, the homeschool door is going to be closed forever. It may be better for her to wait a year.

 

You've gotten a lot of good advice already, but I do want to echo a question posed earlier. Your dh knows you a lot better than we do, is there a reason he thinks you're not organized enough to homeschool? If he thinks you're having trouble staying on top of things right now, it would be understandable for him to be hesitant to see you adding homeschooling to the mix.

 

I just know in my marriage, I tend to be the compulsive, emotional one, and my dh is the logical one. Sometimes when my dh and I are in disagreement about an issue, my dh's arguments have been logical and wise, and all I can offer is the hope that it might just magically work out if I want it to bad enough. :)

 

There are three kinds of personalities that I think would have a hard time homeschooling in your situation: 1) the low-energy type that has a hard time getting things done or following through, 2) the type-A perfectionist who gets very stressed out and irritable when things don't go perfectly and 3) the type that is always overestimating how much she can really get done in a day, and as a result is always running around trying to play catch-up.

 

I would sit down and let your dh tell you honestly his concerns. Try not to get defensive. You may have to work hard to get you and your dc on a more productive routine, cut out extra activities, relax about pefectionism... who knows what he's thinking. But really listen. It's very easy to gloss over perceived problems when homeschooling is being discussed, but problems WILL arise when you start doing it. Your dh is probably the best predictor of what those problems could possibly be, so listen to him and try to come up with ways to realistically address his concerns.

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My dh would have preferred to find a good school situation for ds back in K, but there just wasn't one available. He couldn't continue in his autism centered private school because he was too high-functioning, no private school around here accepts kids with special needs and our public school PK experience was a disaster. Hsing was our only option. Given that situation, dh was on board until something better came along. Now, I think he's on board because hsing is working out so well.

 

Dh didn't want to bring dd home for PK4, but the constant driving was getting to be a real drag for me and I wanted dd to be able to participate in all the interesting field trips and activities we can do as hsers. I won out since I'm the one who has to do the teaching and/or driving. As we've gone along, dh has stopped mentioning putting dd in school. He's seen her progress and all the activities she can do that would be impossible if she was in school till 3:30.

 

As we've gained experience hsing, dh has gotten more comfortable with the decision. He's met a lot more hsers and people have expressed their approval of hsing to him, so it doesn't seem so weird anymore. It takes a while, but even a not-on-board dh can come to appreciate hsing. You do need a stronger reason to start than you would with an enthusiastic dh, but it's not impossible.

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I don't think that's what people are thinking. I get the feeling that people are saying that if her dh has reservations about her being able to do it all, and the next year descends into chaos, the homeschool door is going to be closed forever. It may be better for her to wait a year.

 

You've gotten a lot of good advice already, but I do want to echo a question posed earlier. Your dh knows you a lot better than we do, is there a reason he thinks you're not organized enough to homeschool?

.

 

 

OK, thank you for explaining this and now I understand what you are saying.

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When I said what I said, I was being slightly tongue-in-cheek, but only slightly. If there were an issue I felt as passionately about as I do about homeschooling in terms of the welfare of my children, I would probably pull rank on my husband: I am with them all day, I know them intimately in a way that my husband, who loves them dearly but is at work 10 hours a day, doesn't, and I am the one to whom the vast burden of schooling or homeschooling would fall to. If I am going to be doing most of the work (and school is a lot of work, too, I have one child who attends public school), then I feel that my opinions carry more weight. My husband wanted me to be home with his kids (I wanted it to), and I deserve some freedom in making the decisions I think are best. If being a mom is a job, as I often see it described, I want the respect and freedom to make the job decisions I think are best.

 

I am in a similar situation. My husband and I have discussed goals for our kids' education, but the implementation is up to me. He considers me in charge of making household decisions.

 

I think a spouse may initially disagree or not be sure about something; it doesn't have to become a battle of the wills or battle of the sexes or whatever. It's an opportunity to explore. For one thing, even on this board, not everyone means the same thing by "homeschooling," so I suspect if both parties make their definitions and expectations clear, it will go a long way.

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BTW, one advantage of having your dh on board is that he'll cover for you. Mine cleans the kitchen, sweeps the floors, waters the plants (even if he does kill them, haha), and even does laundry. He doesn't HAVE to, but he does. You've got to have a peaceful arrangement to make everything work, not antagonism.

 

 

Yes. Your dh needs to be on board. As for the Better Late than Early--when I say that, I don't mean neglect the 3 R's--reading, writing and arithmetic as some mean it, and I should have explained. I mean extras such as art lessons (give them crayons or coloured pencils & paper, for eg, and have them do it on their own), history (for gr 1 that can be done with read alouds), grammar (for gr 1 I think it can wait.)

 

As for scheduling now, that can help. But I'd also make up a list of what you want to do and prioritize it. That way, when you have a new baby and you've taken off a couple of weeks or so if you need to, you can start with your top priority and do school as you can. You'd be amazed at what you can accomplish this way; it doesn't have to all be done in one sitting. Also, your older dc could probably do some work semi-independently while you're feeding your baby, etc.

 

However, as much as I wanted to homeschool, and I am a woman of strong convictions, I would have never done it before dh agreed. There are many parenting decisions I make on my own, due to the fact that dh is often at work and that I'm the one who is with them enough to know their limits. But this is how we've worked things out together; they are our children and we discuss new things, big decisions, etc. Sometimes we go his way and sometimes mine if we don't agree, but never defiantly. I did work very hard with the research about homeschooling, though, when dd was 7 and I could see that she really needed to get out of ps before middle school.

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There are three kinds of personalities that I think would have a hard time homeschooling in your situation: 1) the low-energy type that has a hard time getting things done or following through, 2) the type-A perfectionist who gets very stressed out and irritable when things don't go perfectly and 3) the type that is always overestimating how much she can really get done in a day, and as a result is always running around trying to play catch-up.

 

 

There are times when I feel like all three!! :D

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Oy, this is so true. If you're going to wait a year, I think it would actually be more difficult.

 

The other thing I'd add is get your kids on a good chore routine to help pitch in, if they aren't already. They make messes all day, they need to help clean up those messes. The 5yo can unload the dishwasher and take out the small trash (mine cleans the toilet, too); the 3yo can fold washcloths and put away toys right after playing with them.

 

There are lots of good threads here on schedules and such. But keep it simple, open-and-go, as independent as possible. When you sit down to talk with dh, show him a plan and a schedule. Write down his concerns as he expresses them. That will help you stay focused on what he really thinks, rather than your own emotions.

 

HTH.

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This is probably a really silly question, but...

 

Have you sat down with your husband and discussed each of your reasons for wanting to homeschool?

 

You have some very valid reasons. It doesn't sound like he is against the idea of homeschooling as much as he is against the idea of homeschooling RIGHT NOW.

 

I'd ask for a trial year with testing at the end of it, and for his help in deciding what curriculum to use.

 

Good luck

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OhElisabeth~ Thank you for your comment. So very helpful.

 

I wanted to tell everyone after putting together a possible schedule, my DH said he is willing to give it a shot. SO starting Monday we will do the schedule and see how it goes. All I have at the moment is Time4Learning but am having the older kids doing the CLE placement test for LA and Math this weekend. I may order just a couple of the LightUnits to see how it goes.

 

I'm really excited. Oh and as far as his expectations on the house and meal front, that has never been an issue for him nor do i see it being an issue in the future.

 

Cheryl

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