Should we 'force' our 7.5 dd to learn to ride a bike?

[Omma]

My dh and I have argued about this, and would love to hear your opinions/experiences. At first, I thought our dd would just 'decide' to ride a bike when she felt ready and that my dh shouldn't push her. He has told her on many occasions that it is time for her to ride her bike, but she has resisted. He has forced her to go out and practice and she has cried and cried about it, so I told him (in front of her) that she'll learn when she is ready. (This is the same girl, BTW, that has just been picked to be on the level 3 gymnastics team at our local gym!) But she does not want to get on her bike, no matter how we plead, beg or leave her alone about it. What do you all suggest we do? The summer is slipping by and she just walks around while all her friends are riding around on bikes. She has ridden it a bit (under duress) but only when my dh makes her go out and have a riding lesson.

 

My dh says she did have training wheels at one point, but I don't remember them.... it's been at least 2 years since the training wheels were thrown away by my dh after my now 9 ds learned to ride. I think we got her a bike 1 1/2 years ago for her birthday and it was a little big for her (plus no training wheels) and she never rode it all last summer (except for a couple of forced riding lessons). Now here it is another summer and still no desire to ride.

 

Looking forward to reading your comments! :lurk5:

 

Brenda

[Brooketopia]

I'm of the particular opinion that you shouldn't force anyone to do anything they don't want to unless it is a dire life-or-death situation. (Basic parenting issues excepted.) She's a human being, no matter how young, and deserves the basic respect to choose when she wants to learn a new recreational skill.

 

Is it really that important that she learn to ride her bike NOW? In ten years from now, what will you all think about the situation?

[gingersmom]

I can't imagine why your husband feels the need to "force" your daughter to ride her bike. What is going to happen if she never rides a bike? Will she not get into college? Will she never get a job?

 

There are more important things to worry about.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Take the pedals off and let her coast around. It will teach her to balance without her even knowing that she's actually learning to ride.

[lisasaysto]

My 9-year-old learned to ride his bike this summer at a Lose the Training Wheels camp. The camp experience was outstanding for all of us. There were children with disabilities and those without disabilities as well.

 

Here's a link to the program's Web site: http://www.losethetrainingwheels.org/

 

One of the first things they told us is that the child has to want to ride in order to do it. I would not force a child to ride a bike if she didn't want to. It's supposed to be fun, not a chore.

[NorthwestMom]

Is she afraid, or merely disinterested?

[Rosie_0801]

Unless family bike rides are what your family does for fun, leave her alone. If she wants to stay at home while her friends are out riding, that's her business, I think. I'd tell her that her favourite uncle (rather than having to ask her dad) says he'll teach her if she wants to learn and leave it at that. It does not seem productive to tell someone how to have fun.

 

Rosie

[skaterbabs]

There is absolutely no reason to force the issue. I was 9 before I learned to ride; I simply had no desire to do so.

[LizzyBee]

I would not force a child to learn to ride a bike.

[lisasaysto]

Another idea!

 

Perhaps she would be more comfortable on a scooter.

 

Something like this:

http://www.digglerstore.com/scooters_kids_01.html

[rwalizer]

I am a little embarrassed to say that I did force my ds to learn. I wish that I had been a little more patient and just frequently gave him little nudges toward learning. The very day he "got it", I couldn't get him off the bike. He wanted to practice figure 8's and riding off the curb. Now, he is a competitive road and mountain biker! (he just one two medals this weekend! Sorry, had to brag.) Anyway, I guess my advice is not to force it, but don't just drop it either. Nudge gently and let her see how much fun it is. My ds wasn't afraid, he just didn't want to put the effort into leaning. He had a tendency to want to quit anything that took effort at that age. But like I said before, I am ashamed at how I went about it and if I had to do it over again, I would do things a little different. Sometimes kids need to be pushed a little and then, when they see how much fun an activity is, they love it.

[SonshineLearner]

I was surprised that my daughter wouldn't ride her bike; this after I bought a new..nice..bike for her! The next summer, she learned to ride because a little girl a couple of houses down taught her. This is after the adults (Uncle/Dad/Me) had all tried to teach her.

 

It just takes the initial "go" and then they're done. You really can't force that.

 

Carrie:-)

[kah]

DD is 9 and just gave up her training wheels a month ago. She's ridden with training wheels since she was 4, and has always preferred whichever was her too-small, outgrown bike over the newer one. She just wasn't ready. I tried not to make a big deal about it, but I think she's noticed that her friends are able to ride around the neighborhood and that was her motivation, I think.

 

I would either put training wheels on or take the pedals off and try not to push it.

 

ETA: In DD's case, I think it was a matter of not being comfortable with the speed and motion of it. She's very, very cautious and does most new things veerrrrry slowly. With the bike, she wasn't comfortable going fast enough to stop feeling tippy- and she didn't like the tippiness either.

[Radish4ever]

I agree with the others that say not to force it... once DD WANTS to learn, it'll be easy ;)

[runamuk]

Don't force it - she'll learn when she's ready.

 

Our dd (9yo) just learned to ride her bike this summer. I didn't understand why she didn't learn sooner - she picked up ice skating, riding a scooter and rollerblading so easily, I thought riding a bike would be easy, too. I finally realized that, for Ellie, balancing, steering and pedaling was just too much for her to try to do at once.

 

She really wanted to learn to ride, so we took the pedals off of her bike and made sure her feet could touch the ground. We took her to the top of a very gently sloping hill in our neighborhood and let her coast down and learn to balance. She didn't need to worry about pedaling and the only steering she needed to do was keep the bike on the road. Once she mastered that, we put the pedals back on and took her back to the same hill, only this time she was coasting with her feet on the pedals and could brake using the pedals instead of her feet on the road. She was riding her bike within 3 days and now I can't get her off of it, lol.

[EmilyK]

One thing that really helped them was getting into razor scooters. We took a hiatus from trying to ride, then my older used his scooter for 6 to 9 months or so and totally got balance down, and then we settled in for a painful try-to-ride experience but he had the balance down. Skateboard use helps too.

[Plucky]

I'd just get some training wheels for her bike and start family bike rides to the ice cream parlor, swimming pool, or any other fun place. That should eventually do the trick.

[Mom22ns]

My dd (a level 6 gymnast btw) kept her training wheels until she was 9. Then a 6 yo asked why she still had them. She took them off that weekend and started riding. My ds was 11 at the time and was not riding at all. He quit when his training wheels came off - just never got comfortably without them. He suddenly decided he wanted to ride if his little sister was. Now we ride as a family quite often.

 

I wouldn't force her. She should be able to choose her own recreational activities.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Our dd was very much like yours. She enjoyed riding with training wheels, but was always VERY cautious. When she outgrew that bike, we got her a bigger one. Any pressure (which we defined as "help") we inflicted on her just made her more resistant. She believed she "should" be able to ride (because we kept trying to "help" her learn), and she tried. But it always led to tears.

 

This summer, she decided that she WOULD learn to ride before her birthday (which is next week). She refused to turn 13 and not know how to ride. She asked us to "please" not help her, or even watch her. She started going out on her own in the evenings, to practice. And she did it! We're very proud of her. She did it on her own, when she was ready.

 

She missed out on many years of fun (imo), but it didn't hurt her. She just didn't want to. It may have been fear. It may have been performance anxiety. I have no idea. It doesn't matter anymore.

 

Now, if she would just dive head first into the swimming pool! :glare: :001_smile:

[i.love.lucy]

I'm reading these responses with interest too. My dd is turning 9 next week and can't stand trying to ride her bike. She's scared to death she'll fall, and has created this fear monster out of it (like she does most things where there is a chance of getting hurt). BUT, she has mastered the scooter she got for Christmas beautifully, so I think it's time to get the bike out again. I had heard about taking off the training wheels and letting her coast around on her older smaller bike, but not about taking off the pedals. I'm off to tell DH and see if we can get her to try it!

 

Thanks!:D

[Soph the vet]

I heard a story about a gifted student who was a perfectionist who did not ride on any sort of bike until he was sure he could take off without a problem on two wheels the first time. He did but he was 14.

I wouldn't push the issue. Have some friends over that ride on two wheels and peer pressure will take care of it for you.

[Mommyof4ks]

My 9 yr old dd does not ride a bike yet. She is afraid. My middle son is getting close to riding, so that may encourage her. My dh just learned to ride a bike last year and he is 30.

[Garga]

I was wondering whether or not to force my son to learn to roller skate and use chopsticks (on another post on Friday.) Everyone told me to back off and let him decide when/if he wants to learn.

 

If she's ok with her friends riding and she's not, I guess you might as well not worry about teaching her. It won't affect her in later life. I haven't ridden a bike in about 23 years and my life is pretty good ;).

[Luanne]

My daughter didn't (wouldn't even try) to ride without training wheels until the month before she turned 9. The only reason she even did then is because a boy I was babysitting who lived two blocks away rode over on his bicycle. He was only 6. She says "if he can do it, so can I". She got pretty scraped up that first week, but after that she could ride with ease.

 

I wouldn't push it. It is obvious (I think) that she just isn't ready.

[camibami]

We don't force non-essentials here. My oldest was 6-7, she learned to ride without training wheels after a neighbor gave her little sister a bike they had outgrown, that had no training wheels. Little sis was 3-4, and rode it right away, so big sister of course wanted her training wheels off too!

 

My oldest only just learned to tie shoes. :glare: I just was not interested in forcing her at 6, so I left it to her to learn on her own. Since she owns no shoes that tie, it took a while, but she finally learned to tie at the roller skating rink. Too embarassing having mom help!

 

Learn to read? You are gonna. Math? Ditto. Non essentials like swimming or bike riding or shoe tying? They will learn it when they are ready, or spend their 30's still wearing Crocs! Makes no difference to me, either way. FWIW, they both can tie shoes, ride a bike and swim quite well now at 8 and 11.

[Sparkle]

I'd wait. I think when they want to, they'll learn quite fast. My 12 yo ds just learned to ride a bike this summer. He always used a scooter before, but he decided he wanted to learn to ride a bike. He basically taught himself and learned in one day. I would just gently ask her every few months or so if she's ready to try it again - one day she will be.

[Sharon in SC]

At first, I thought our dd would just 'decide' to ride a bike when she felt ready and that my dh shouldn't push her.

 

I have two previous daughters to offer as testament to this as fact. Your dd will ride *when she is ready*. Mine were late walkers, late potty trainers and late bike riders. We took the position that they would when they are ready and they did. With our oldest, we did have an episode or two similiar to what you describe but it became apparent early on that the ball was totally in her court. We gave her the freedom to grow/learn at her own pace and that made for a much more peaceful existence - for her and for us.

 

blessings,

Sharon

[Laura Corin]

Calvin learned to ride a bike at age 9. He had tried at 7 but wasn't physically ready. I'm really glad I didn't push it - when he wanted to learn and was able it was a quick and fun process. His brother learned at 7 - that was the right time for him.

 

FWIW, Daniel Radcliffe, who plays Harry Potter, is dyspraxic and hasn't yet learned how to ride a bike. He seems to have done fine...

 

Laura

[Sharon in SC]

I'm really glad I didn't push it - when he wanted to learn and was able it was a quick and fun process.

 

:iagree:

[fivetails]

Nah, I wouldn't force her. Bike riding is not a necessary life skill ~ if she decides that she wants to learn at some point, she will. If not, that's fine as well. I know several (happy) adults who've never sat their tail on a bike and likely never will. :)

[SherryTX]

Rebecca is 9 and has a hard time with her bike with training wheels - she just has some motor control issues. However, when she gets to ride she loves too - unless there is anything in here way - she has a hard time controlling the bike.

 

I was relieved RELIEVED I SAY! when we realized last fall that she wasn't being a dolt, but just had issues with it for good reasons. I hope she will be ready to take them off by the end of summer, but I am not going to push her. We hope her 7 year old sister will be ready by then too - in fact we are going to buy her a new bike this week, and see if she wants to try it without the training wheels. Maybe that will give the 9 year old some additional motivation to want to keep trying.

 

My 15 year old nephew cannot ride a bike still - he would never try. He just doesn't have the interest, nor motor control (he has AS as well). However, if your daughter just doesn't like it - no biggie, I agree don't push it, but keep encouraging her. She is still pretty young. I never learned until I was 9 years old when my brother's friend taught me.

 

By the way - I really like the scooter idea. Our 9 year old still talks about the scooter she had when she was younger. I may get her one this week to see if flying fast on that would encourage her to work more on riding with out training wheels.

[Dirtroad]

We try to gently push them & we do make them attempt the effort. However, we don't force them to continue... just give it a try.

 

I never could ride a bike. My Daddy yelled, complained, even popped me thinking it was a bad attitude. I couldn't keep the stupid thing balanced & wrecked every time. I still get a tinge of anger at him over that mess.

 

My only real injuries in life were from bikes... broken arm & 13 stitches in my knee.

 

If she is defiant, I would keep working on it. Howver, if she hates it & just doesn't enjoy it.... let it go! It isn't worth all the bad memories & hard feelings that develop. Not everyone enjoys the same things. She can get exercise out of doors in many ways.... bikes aren't that essential. As she gets older, peer pressure or maturity may change her mind.

[Chris in VA]

Ds nearly 20 can't ride a bike. It could be that his mixed-modality comes in to play. He doesn't like anything sensory-wise that goes fast--no rollercoasters or really any rides, and he even dislikes driving. I do wish we had given him more time on a tricycle, but he didn't have room to ride it, and when we moved to where there was room, he was too big to ride one.

 

Dd has a bike and is almost ready for it. She's tippy and not happy about it; I don't want her ending up like her big brother, tho. I think she may have mixed modality, too. Dh and I disagreed about training wheels--he (mistakenly, of course...) believes you should only use them in the slightly-raised position. I think they should be on the ground until you are ready to take them off, or just before. Anyway, she is learning to ride w/o them, but can't keep her balance yet.

 

I learned to ride when a little girl came to visit my house in the 'burbs from a city program where underprivileged kids got to spend a week with those of us who had less complicated lives. We learned together, w/o adults. I was 12.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Okay, I'll be the "other voice."

 

I forced my son (now 14; then 5). I forced the 6yo we took in this spring.

 

I think it depends. I wouldn't force every child, by any stretch. The OP wasn't clear on why the child doesn't want to do it. That would definitely play a part for me.

 

But in the above two cases?

 

First, these are the two strongest willed children I have met in my life (and I have a lot of child experience between fostering, child care, parenting coaching, and life). They get it in their minds they won't do something and they just won't. They'd be 12 not doing it because they will force themselves in order to "win."

 

Second, they were both scared. I can't see a kid being paralyzed by fear when they can just get over it and be proud they did!

 

Third, both have self-esteem issues and other "issues" that determine things in their lives. Doing hard things is SO good for these kids!

 

And fourth, with THESE children, several things are kinda like this. We use challenges like bike riding, fence climbing, mental multiplication, memorization, etc in order to keep their bodies and minds stimulated. It helps these children behave. It helps them build confidence in what they can do (without all the blow it up your backside psychology of our times).

 

So *I* decided they were going to learn. My daughter helped each time.

 

And we got out there and practiced.

 

In very short order, they were riding. They were proud of their accomplishments. We made a big deal out of it (for example, we video'd the 6yo and sent it to his mom and brother via cell phone).

 

Again, I might not have done it with every child, but I most certainly think that some children need the extra push.

 

 

 

Anyway, so it depends, but I definitely would force at least some kids.

Edited July 6, 2009 by 2J5M9K