Conversation with neighbour

[mommaduck]

We just moved a few weeks ago, my children are done with all their schoolwork, except the oldest and science/history is simply ongoing. The day we moved in, we met our neighbours. One had never heard of homeschooling and the other seemed to be just fine with it, having "homeschooled" her own daughter.

 

My children have been playing with neighbour #2's grandchildren. They came over today and saw our "still in unpacking process" schoolroom and our computer in the dining room when here (it's out in the open). The grandmother later asked my eldest daughter where they went to school :glare: and my daughter told her that we homeschool. She proceeded to inform my daughter that if they homeschool, then they are supposed to EACH have their own computer and printer and are supposed to school through the district.

 

I went over to clear up any misunderstanding that, yes we homeschool, but we do not school through the system. I got a, "well, you should!" and that is how she homeschooled her daughter. I told her that we classically school our children, as she backed into her kitchen, and that we've been doing this since they were little. "I'm just saying that you shouldn't not do something till you look into it"...more defensiveness, more backing off.

 

I left, came home really sick to my stomach. How dare she question my children. How dare she tell me HOW I should school my children. I'm still sick to my stomach. My middle son came in and asked what our phone number was (we are still working on teaching them the new one, new house and all). I asked him why and supposedly the 7yr old granddaughter asked for it :glare: I told him that it's a private number and we don't give it out (sounded like he was being pressured for it). I'm not happy at this turn of events. Before this, we got along fine with the neighbours.

[Impish]

:grouphug: Try and chalk it up to a blip on the radar, if at all possible. It doesn't mean that you'll have on going issues with the neighbours, but that there was a misunderstanding on this issue.

 

At least, that's the tack I'd try to take...because otherwise I'd be plotting warfare, and that doesn't make for good neighbourhood relations :glare:

[Tree House Academy]

Just make sure she knows that you are LEGALLY homeschooling your children in the way you see fit. The way she did it sounds like she went through K-12 or something. And she is a grandmother who homeschooled her DAUGHTER? Does she think maybe things have CHANGED in the last 30 years or so???

[Carol in Cal.]

I know it's annoying, but really, what can she do to you? Don't let her have this space in your head. It's not worth it!

[mommaduck]

Thinking over the conversation, she insisted that she wasn't charter schooling. That she schooled directly through the district. It was when I said that we don't, and that the two were the same (state charter and local district), that she said, "well you should!" as though I was doing something illegal. I wonder if she doesn't understand that I'm still accountable to the district (affidavit, portfolio, testing, evaluator).

 

Well, if it comes up again, then I'll have to clarify that. She kept cutting me off like she didn't want to hear anyone except herself. Either way...pass me that bean dip, please...and pray she doesn't call CPS out of fear or some such garbage like that.

[melissel]

I wonder if she doesn't understand that I'm still accountable to the district (affidavit, portfolio, testing, evaluator)...

 

...and pray she doesn't call CPS out of fear or some such garbage like that.

 

I bet she doesn't understand that at all. I'd probably find some neighborly excuse to go over there and make that point, because I'd be totally paranoid that she would. Nobody needs a mistaken visit from CPS!!!

 

In general, though, UGH! Why can't people just mind their own beeswax??? :glare:

[teamturner]

Just make sure you are current on your membership with HSLDA if you're concerned she will call CPS. I would think the fact that you have been providing the "district" all your info and portfolios that you would be fine. Sorry you are worrying about such a nosey neighbor. :confused:

[OhM]

I'm currently schooling one through an on-line charter. I know that several local districts have an on-line component as well.

 

I've been amazed at the lack of understanding of many of the charter school parents regarding their children's schooling status. Many don't understand that they are still part of a public school. And maybe it's because I did traditionally homeschool for several years that I'm touchy when I hear them say that they are homeschooling. There's a great deal of indignation when they realize that the local B&M won't let their kids take part-time classes or participate in band, sports, etc., even after it's expained that they've chosen to put their kids in a different public school, and the local school has no obligation or even legal standing to accomodate their kids.

 

There also is a great deal of confusion about what school they belong to! Many think that the content provider (K12 in this case) is the school. And many don't understand that K12 is a national, for-profit company.

 

Anyway, I'm guessing that you've encountered someone not fully aware of their educational options, and I'd go with Impish's suggestion - let it slide this time. I would have my radar up at this point, though.:D

[mommaduck]

I think she was fully aware of the connection to the public school system. She tossed in "using the same books, same schedule". This conversation happened so quickly, I felt like I had been slapped. I've never encountered a reaction like this before. It was always, "well, that's nice, that's your business, and we just each do things differently".

[HeatherInWI]

I'd suggest you get the unpacking done and make sure things look good, just in case CPS does show up. Hopefully, when and if the busybody calls, CPS can inform her that homeschooling not through the government schools is perfectly legal.

[mommaduck]

The unpacking is almost done, the rooms are all immaculate except for the school room and my bedroom...both on the third floor and we are pretty much done for the year aside from seeing the evaluator. So I'm not concerned on that level. I just don't want neighbour issues and am praying that this one will just back down and mind her business. I think she was just hoping to convince my daughter that she should be schooling a particular way. I probably took her totally off guard for her to find out that my daughter had told me so quickly.

[mommaduck]

I'm currently schooling one through an on-line charter. I know that several local districts have an on-line component as well.

 

I've been amazed at the lack of understanding of many of the charter school parents regarding their children's schooling status. Many don't understand that they are still part of a public school. And maybe it's because I did traditionally homeschool for several years that I'm touchy when I hear them say that they are homeschooling. There's a great deal of indignation when they realize that the local B&M won't let their kids take part-time classes or participate in band, sports, etc., even after it's expained that they've chosen to put their kids in a different public school, and the local school has no obligation or even legal standing to accomodate their kids.

 

There also is a great deal of confusion about what school they belong to! Many think that the content provider (K12 in this case) is the school. And many don't understand that K12 is a national, for-profit company.

 

Anyway, I'm guessing that you've encountered someone not fully aware of their educational options, and I'd go with Impish's suggestion - let it slide this time. I would have my radar up at this point, though.:D

 

Thanks for clearing this up for me also...I thought the charter and the local were both through the same route.

[Remudamom]

Quit worrying about it. Just send us her address.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Quit worrying about it. Just send us her address.

 

Remudamom - the Enforcer! :smash: :lol:

[mommaduck]

Quit worrying about it. Just send us her address.

:lol:

 

:grouphug: Now those are the kind of friends we all need!

 

I needed that. I'm not worrying anymore ;) Hubby just says that she's a very opinionated baby boomer and to also not worry about it, but to just continued being sweet as pie to her.....bless her heart ;)

[Sputterduck]

And maybe it's because I did traditionally homeschool for several years that I'm touchy when I hear them say that they are homeschooling.

 

I don't get it. I just signed my son up for a charter school and we are still homeschoolers. I do all the teaching, at home. I pick and buy all the curriculum. We are still homeschooling. The charter school is for field trips and cool stuff and they help pay for whatever lessons I want for my son. All the teaching and schooling is on me.

[mommaduck]

I don't get it. I just signed my son up for a charter school and we are still homeschoolers. I do all the teaching, at home. I pick and buy all the curriculum. We are still homeschooling. The charter school is for field trips and cool stuff and they help pay for whatever lessons I want for my son. All the teaching and schooling is on me.

The kind of charter and district programs we are referring to, the parent does NOT get to choose anything. Your child is given a computer, a printer, and everything is dictated as to what your child will do, when, and for how long.

[Sputterduck]

The kind of charter and district programs we are referring to, the parent does NOT get to choose anything. Your child is given a computer, a printer, and everything is dictated as to what your child will do, when, and for how long.

 

 

Ooooh.

[mommaduck]

Ooooh.

Yeah...it's nothing more than public school at home, along with public school teachers being the ones to direct and instruct your child.

[Carrie12345]

Yeah...it's nothing more than public school at home, along with public school teachers being the ones to direct and instruct your child.

 

Well, I wouldn't go *that far.

I tried a state charter school with dd when she was in kindergarten and, yes, it was all chosen curriculum and ps at home. I pulled her out.

 

Ds is still in a cyber charter b/c his father is afraid of the "homeschool cult" :glare:. Again, state curriculum, ps at home. But there is little teacher instruction in the grand scheme of things. Ds had 2 weekly "live lessons" for the most part. One that was group disscusion for his literature class and one that was more like a homeroom session. As for everything else, he works independently or I give him direct instruction. (DD had daily morning "meetings", sort of like circle time, and that was it.)

 

I get to determine what aspects of lessons ds can skip, and what he needs more work on. I get to decide whether he's going to do math every day or two lessons twice a week.

 

I still don't like it, and I'd rather he was WTMing it, but the fact is, it's very similar to deciding to use K12 or Calvert or whatever with their accredited programs. Unless we're supposed to be calling those families "private school families", I'm continuing to call mine "homeschooled", even though I usually point out the distinction to people who understand that sort of thing.

It's a gray area. "Public school" or homeschool is kind of like rent or "own". I'm going to say I own my house, even though the bank technically does. I homeschool my kid even though he's technically a public school student.

[tricia]

:iagree: I would keep an eye on her because to me she seems to be a "pot stirrer" and you never know what her next 'move' will be. :grouphug:

[my3starsofthesea]

I would be offended too, but you just have to ignore ignorant people who open their mouths when they don't know any better, unfortunately. I'm sorry

[mommaduck]

Well, I wouldn't go *that far.

I tried a state charter school with dd when she was in kindergarten and, yes, it was all chosen curriculum and ps at home. I pulled her out.

 

Ds is still in a cyber charter b/c his father is afraid of the "homeschool cult" :glare:. Again, state curriculum, ps at home. But there is little teacher instruction in the grand scheme of things. Ds had 2 weekly "live lessons" for the most part. One that was group disscusion for his literature class and one that was more like a homeroom session. As for everything else, he works independently or I give him direct instruction. (DD had daily morning "meetings", sort of like circle time, and that was it.)

 

I get to determine what aspects of lessons ds can skip, and what he needs more work on. I get to decide whether he's going to do math every day or two lessons twice a week.

 

I still don't like it, and I'd rather he was WTMing it, but the fact is, it's very similar to deciding to use K12 or Calvert or whatever with their accredited programs. Unless we're supposed to be calling those families "private school families", I'm continuing to call mine "homeschooled", even though I usually point out the distinction to people who understand that sort of thing.

It's a gray area. "Public school" or homeschool is kind of like rent or "own". I'm going to say I own my house, even though the bank technically does. I homeschool my kid even though he's technically a public school student.

Ahh, got it.

[FlockOfSillies]

Yes, but from a legal standpoint, your son is a student of that public school, regardless of what their rules are regarding curriculum choices.

[FlockOfSillies]

It's as if Lady Catherine from P&P were the OP's neighbor.

[earthmother]

I help out by doing homeschool evals in my state as I am a certified teacher. For every 10 homeschoolers I see who are doing amazing work, there is the 1 who literally does nothing. Perhaps she was just concerned because of others she has met. At least she has homeschooled so she understands your motivation behind it somewhat. I have found many who don't crack open a book the whole year, kids are out till midnight or 1 playing with no supervision, etc.....It's the one or two bad ones that ruin the reputation for all. Definitely not fair, but that's what happens.

[mommaduck]

I brought her a peace offering ;) She was out today doing yard work. She has a green thumb, I tend to kill plants, and the previous tenants left some beautiful plants in a planter here. I offered them to her, had a nice chat (avoiding the education topic), and all was well. She seems irritated lately, so maybe some of this is just her going through some things. I also think part of it is her personality.

[Carrie12345]

Yes, but from a legal standpoint, your son is a student of that public school, regardless of what their rules are regarding curriculum choices.

 

Yes, and from a legal standpoint, I "own" a mere sliver of my house. I'm a democrat on paper, I'm genetically a brunette (I think), and I wasn't born in the town I was raised in.

But if you ask me, I'll tell you I own a house, I'm a blonde libertarian, and I'm originally from town #2. And (all of) my kids are homeschooled.

Further conversations might lead to more detail, but not your basic "nice to meet you" chat.

[mommaduck]

Yes, and from a legal standpoint, I "own" a mere sliver of my house. I'm a democrat on paper, I'm genetically a brunette (I think), and I wasn't born in the town I was raised in.

But if you ask me, I'll tell you I own a house, I'm a blonde libertarian, and I'm originally from town #2. And (all of) my kids are homeschooled.

 

:lol: I totally get that!

[melissel]

I brought her a peace offering ;) She was out today doing yard work. She has a green thumb, I tend to kill plants, and the previous tenants left some beautiful plants in a planter here. I offered them to her, had a nice chat (avoiding the education topic), and all was well. She seems irritated lately, so maybe some of this is just her going through some things. I also think part of it is her personality.

 

Very nicely done!

[FlockOfSillies]

Oh, I don't disagree about how much you ought to divulge to a random stranger or even an acquaintance about the intricacies of homeschooling through a public charter. I only mention it because government entities usually have very definite opinions about such intricacies. Thankfully, they don't have important opinions about your hair color -- yet.

[mommaduck]

Good grief! I think this woman is senile or just trouble.

 

Today my daughter asked me if the wild strawberries were poisonous. The grandson next door said they were "snake berries" and poisonous. I simply said, "no, they are not poisonous, but I wouldn't suggest he eat any without asking his grandma first." I saw the child standing there listening in from the other yard and grandma glaring at me. So I told her, "they aren't poisonous, but I just said he should ask his grandma first."

 

She later asks to speak with me. I said sure.

 

Told me she didn't like the way I've been talking to her. That I've been "telling her how it is" and being disrespectful.

 

She said that I came over into her yard that one day uninvited and she didn't know I was coming and that I just came into her house without knocking. Uhm, no. MY children were in her yard, she wasn't answering the front door, I went around WHERE MY CHILDREN WERE, and asked one of the kids to let her know I wanted to talk with her.

 

I did apologise for following her into the house (I stood in the doorway with the door wide open because we were in the middle of the conversation). Tried to explain that that was a misunderstanding my part (funny thing, her granddaughter did the same thing to me today...walked right on into my kitchen following my kids without invitation).

 

She also said something about, "I don't know how is in West Virginia where you're from..." I'm not from West Virginia (?).

 

I tried to explain that maybe some things were being taken wrong and nope, she insisted that she knew what she was talking about.

 

Claimed that she never said, "Well, you should" (in regards to schooling through the district).

 

Claimed that she never schooled through the district either (but that is what she said the other day).

 

Claimed she asked my daughter if we had a computer, because she knew someone that could give us one through the district, and that my daughter said no (uhm, we have 4 computers and my daughter said that she was told that EACH ONE OF MY CHILDREN should have their OWN computer). Claimed that I had just said earlier that, "I would never give a child something poisonous" and why would I even think that she would think that and thus say it (I did not say that).

 

THEN she went on with, "I don't know if you have a hearing problem, a nervous problem, or if something is just wrong with you...." and further diatribe about how SHE is a CHRISTIAN woman and how SHE should not be treated disrespectfully (yes, I was even told to shut up and just listen to her).

 

I finally ended it. I said, "We're done. There's nothing to talk about because you aren't willing to listen." She said fine. I continued hanging clothes and she went angrily about putting away her trash.

 

Hubby said to have nothing more to do with her and I had to inform the children that they could no longer play with her grandkids.

 

She has never had anything good to say about any of the other neighbours, so I asked our neighbour on the other side of us if there had ever been any problems. He said not that he knew of.

 

I'm done, if you made it this far, thank you for hearing me out.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm sorry that it has ended up this way but I agree with your husband to stay far away!

[LaxMom]

Wow. What a nut case. Thankfully, it hasn't gotten to chatting over the fence, where she could save up her alternate-reality version of friendly conversations and do something with them. :001_huh:

[Carol in Cal.]

I suspect that she may be either suffering from hearing loss or early stage dementia. Either way, not a good situation for her grandchildren, or anyone nearby.

[stripe]

This is utterly bizarre. How unfortunate to have such a conversation with a neighbor. I agree with your husband -- steer clear of her before she reports you to the police, claiming you stole her silver or forced her to eat a snakeberry.

[mommaduck]

I suspect that she may be either suffering from hearing loss or early stage dementia. Either way, not a good situation for her grandchildren, or anyone nearby.

 

We are thinking that it may be early dementia (she says she's 54, but appears older) or bipolar. She claims her daughter, the grandchildren's mama, is bipolar. My understanding is that bipolar can be hereditary and if she's not being treated, then this behaviour/alternate reality business would make some sense.

 

I told the kids they can't play with the grandkids anymore and am telling them, if they are asked, to just say that their daddy said they can't play with them. Let her take it up with my hubby ;)

 

We are in the city and the yard are small with only wire fencing between. We have her fence, our walkway, and our fence between us...just not much privacy.

[phathui5]

I have found many who don't crack open a book the whole year

 

I've heard these stories about "those homeschoolers who don't do anything." But I've never met one in real life.

[mommaduck]

I've heard these stories about "those homeschoolers who don't do anything." But I've never met one in real life.

 

Ditto. I believe it's much like every dr that claims to have see "many die or become deformed" from a common childhood or rare illness.

[Lakeside]

Good grief! I think this woman is senile or just trouble.

 

I'm done, if you made it this far, thank you for hearing me out.

 

Wow. I was hoping to read that your second experience was better and that maybe she was just having an off day. But all I can say is wow.:001_huh:

 

I'm so sorry that this lady is giving you such grief. :grouphug:

[Pink Fairy]

Our next door neighbors are very unpleasant people, and have had problems with most of the families in our cul de sac (including the husband throwing a punch at one of the neighbor's kids). We have kindly nicknamed them "The Grumpies," (which is nicer than they deserve), and have explained to the kids that they are not to interact with Mr. or Mrs. Grumpy in any way--don't even say hi. We are 99% sure that the Grumpies have an alcohol problem, and it's made them unpredictable and mean. Keeping our distance has worked well for the past 5 years, and I highly recommend it. :001_smile: With any luck, after a while you'll forget all about the crazy neighbor lady.

[Night Elf]

The kind of charter and district programs we are referring to, the parent does NOT get to choose anything. Your child is given a computer, a printer, and everything is dictated as to what your child will do, when, and for how long.

 

This is how it is in Georgia, except not everyone gets a computer. You have to qualify for it like free lunches in school. The charter school is VERY clear that they are not a homeschool in any way. The child is a public school student working at home. The children are subjected to the same tests as the students in public schools. The family must stay on the school schedule. And no money is given to the families. They are just provided with the materials and must use them the way the charter lays it out.

 

Of course I will also admit that so far I've received different answers to the same questions from everyone I've spoken to in the Charter. We will not be pursuing that option. If I wanted my children to do what public school kids do, I'd put them back into public school where they can at least receive the specials like art, music, foreign language and PE.

[kalanamak]

Our next door neighbors are very unpleasant people, and have had problems with most of the families in our cul de sac (including the husband throwing a punch at one of the neighbor's kids). We have kindly nicknamed them "The Grumpies,"

 

I called my old neighbors "The Cannibals" and moved because of them. Very odd, very paranoid, very skinny, rather old, and NEVER not holding hands in public, like one would run away. Hubby was the only one to speak, but he'd lean over and listen to what wife said, and then talk. It was always something with them. I think they killed my kitten.

[Night Elf]

I finally ended it. I said, "We're done. There's nothing to talk about because you aren't willing to listen." She said fine.

 

Unfortunately, you may have to be vigilant. You've already experienced her talking to your children without you present and having her grandson elicit information from them as well. I would tell my children that if any of that family tries to speak to them, say 'no thank you' and walk back inside your house to tell either you or your DH. Having them say they can't play there or to speak to their daddy could possibly open up a dialogue.

[Hillary in KS]

I've heard these stories about "those homeschoolers who don't do anything." But I've never met one in real life.

 

Oh, I have. Not many. Two or three. Each would tell you that they just get so very busy, but they'll catch up when __________ (summer comes, daddy has more time at home, they get the house unpacked, etc.).

 

One mom told me they couldn't get school done because the younger siblings were so small (5 children 7 and younger - no multiples), but she read aloud to them daily. They'll make up the academics when the small kids are older and not so dependent.

 

They're out there. :)

[mommaduck]

Unfortunately, you may have to be vigilant. You've already experienced her talking to your children without you present and having her grandson elicit information from them as well. I would tell my children that if any of that family tries to speak to them, say 'no thank you' and walk back inside your house to tell either you or your DH. Having them say they can't play there or to speak to their daddy could possibly open up a dialogue.

 

 

"We're done" was my way of ending the twilight zone of a conversation. I've told my children to say, "daddy says we can't play with you". Thank you for reminding me to curb the "over the fence talk" the kids will try.

[Impish]

Yet another reason that I want out of the city...no over the fence whack-a-doodle neighbours...Where'd my list go...I have a list of why I want out of the city around here somewhere...

 

Joking aside (well, the part where I want out of the city is true, and I *do* have a list somewhere that I couldn't find if I tried too...) I'm sorry you're having this experience. I don't envy you the task of having to explain to the kids that they're not to play with Mrs.W.A.D.'s grandkid's anymore either. Kids have such a way of expressing things sometimes. I can just picture it...

"Mom says we can't play with you any more. I heard her and Daddy talking, and I think its cause your grandma's got Sea Tile or something"

 

"What's Sea Tile?"

 

"I think its ugly bathroom floor stuff."

[HeatherInWI]

I've heard these stories about "those homeschoolers who don't do anything." But I've never met one in real life.

 

I haven't either, but if the one for every ten number is right, hsers are still doing better than the public schools. As a former ps junior high teacher in a "good" district, I can say that out of a class of twenty-five, I'd usually have twenty who'd put at least a little effort into learning and about five who'd avoid all work unless kept after constantly -- and most teachers after about the fifth grade won't do that. (But I did -- :D ; required study sessions, detentions, whatever it took to try to get them learning.)

[mommaduck]

Yet another reason that I want out of the city...no over the fence whack-a-doodle neighbours...Where'd my list go...I have a list of why I want out of the city around here somewhere...

 

Joking aside (well, the part where I want out of the city is true, and I *do* have a list somewhere that I couldn't find if I tried too...) I'm sorry you're having this experience. I don't envy you the task of having to explain to the kids that they're not to play with Mrs.W.A.D.'s grandkid's anymore either. Kids have such a way of expressing things sometimes. I can just picture it...

"Mom says we can't play with you any more. I heard her and Daddy talking, and I think its cause your grandma's got Sea Tile or something"

 

"What's Sea Tile?"

 

"I think its ugly bathroom floor stuff."

 

:lol:

 

 

We just moved back into the city (new to this city, but not city life in general). We missed the diversity and we were LONELY! How's that for irony?!?! Can I just be lonely on one side of the house? I also got tired of nosey people. Most city people *I knew* just wanted to mind their own beeswax. She isn't one of them.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

I've heard these stories about "those homeschoolers who don't do anything." But I've never met one in real life.

I know two, and I am related to them. ;) I know many others that at the least have the attitude that there is no need to worry about being behind or leaving out subjects because "anything you do is better than PS".