Reflections Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 In better news, one worker said something about seeing us on skype. *I* didn't say anything to them about that so the people in NC must have. So maybe they really do intend to. Little Monkey, we love you! This is gut wrenching - I have a little one about Monkey's age and I just couldn't ..... If it is not too much to ask, will you let us know how she is and if you get to talk to her again? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I didn't want to open your thread, because I knew it would bring me to tears. I can only imagine how your heart is breaking. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 This is so heartbreaking. I pray that she isn't confused or upset. I pray that you are able to find peace and know that one day she will come back to you - even if it's as an adult. My parents were found by their former foster children via Facebook and are still in communication with them to this day. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I am so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 This is so heartbreaking. I pray that she isn't confused or upset. I pray that you are able to find peace and know that one day she will come back to you - even if it's as an adult. My parents were found by their former foster children via Facebook and are still in communication with them to this day. *hugs* Yes. This. Exactly. Sending you hugs and prayers, because there's nothing else I can do. I am so, so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 I'm doing a little better tonight. I wish I knew what to do for hubby. He is really really bad off. We did get a picture from NC. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atozmom Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I am so very sorry. Although I can not even imagine your pain, my heart is breaking for you. Praying for you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I'm doing a little better tonight. I wish I knew what to do for hubby. He is really really bad off. We did get a picture from NC. At least they sent the picture. That was a nice thing to do. I hope they will stay in touch with you. I don't think there's anything you can do that will make either of you feel any better right now. Just try to get your dh to express his feelings and not try to hold them inside. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMV Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 :grouphug: Hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CindyH in NC Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Hugs. So sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 :grouphug: Pamela :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebeccaS Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 How are you all doing this morning? My dh will swear he isn't affected by our foster children leaving, but he always is. I have to gently encourage him to get his grief out. I just cry and get it done-he tends to hold it in. :( Still praying for you as you transition. I'm so happy that they sent you a picture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnIslandGirl Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Thinking of you this morning. The thought of an empty bed makes my heart cry for you. :grouphug: :grouphug: My dd9 said though that for every tear you cry, it will rain down on the flowers close to your little one and her face will light up in delight at the beautiful blooms and will feel the love in her heart that you will always have for such a special little princess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trlt Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 My thoughts are with you this morning, too. You and your family have been on my mind so much lately. I just wanted you to know that my heart hurts for you all. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 So sorry, Pamela. :grouphug: The system stinks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 My dog is acting funny. I think she's looking for Monkey. It was funny. As Monkey was kissing and hugging everyone goodbye, she was in my daughter's arms and says, "Josie? Josie?" Josie was brought to her and she grabbed Josie and kissed her head. I think it was good that she got to say goodbye to everyone. It is sooooo incredibly quiet. All five of my children are home and busy; but Monkey was *really* quite loud and active. I went to CrossFit this morning. I cleaned the kitchen. We had omelets for breakfast. I'm about to shower. The health inspector is coming a little later. Potato (the baby I watched after her fostermom had surgery) is leaving her foster home today for "fictive kin" (probably will just be handed back over to mom in that case). But we have plans. A "nasality" eval on Tuesday. Zoo with homeschoolers on Thursday. CrossFit more days than not. We'll see how things go. Lots of things hurt. I picked up the first book I read as a child. I am going to read it to my children. I wish I could read it to Monkey also. Don't have to be quiet during nap time. Don't need a high chair. No one saying, "cup in my hand" or "Kimberly! Texas!" while pointing to the map. If each move set a child back 5 months (supposedly; it was in an email earlier this week), does that mean she won't be potty trained? Will she lose some of her information like letters and shapes? Will she start crawling with her head on the ground again? Will she talk with only one word at a time? Will she use a spoon? 5 months is a LOT to lose, especially when she was SO far behind several months ago. I noticed in the picture they held her hand down. Was she pulling her hair? Was it "floppy?" Did she freak if they didn't let go right away? My poor baby. *I* would know what she liked for breakfast. I would know how to comfort her. I would know about the sensory issues and such. I would know how to love her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Your post made me cry, Pamela. :crying: I hope Monkey is OK. I wish you could know for sure. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I'm so sorry for your hurt, prayers for your family, Monkey included. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I know you are hurting Pamela. I have to believe that these people fully intend to properly care for and love Monkey. They went to an awfully lot of trouble to get her. And they have their own child near that age right? So it isn't as if they are clueless about a baby. I am sure she will be fine. I take it as a good sign that they sent you a picture last night. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Are you able to be in contact with them? I just can't imagine..... I'm so sorry. If I were in their place I would want as much information from you as possible and to maintain that relationship in any way possible. It boggles the mind the way they do things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 That is gut wrenching to READ, much less actually live through. I can not imagine how you must be feeling. :( I am so so very sorry. You were an amazing mama to little Monkey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto5blessings Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Pamela, I think of you throughout the day. I admire you and your family so very much. I really hope that you can continue to have contact with Monkey. Love, Pamela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Texican Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Sometimes things I've read made me shed tears. This thread left me bawling out loud while I read it. The last thread I read you were hopeful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 THanks for all the support y'all. Seriously, we're just devastated. It is SO incredibly hard. I saw the sun-blocking part of the stroller yesterday and thought, "Oh, I should put that on the stroller so the sun won't be on Monkey all day when we go to the zoo Thursday." Ummmm, yeah, well, I caught myself. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't. We don't have to work around nap time. I caught myself thinking, "what on earth are they thinking?!?!" when one kiddo made a little noise. Uhhh, that they don't have a baby sister not to wake up? :( Hubby is still seriously angry. Angry at the system. Angry at key people. Angry because we haven't heard more. Angry because obviously they decided that my reasons for skyping a day or two in weren't the case. Angry that people are making his baby think he abandoned her. Anyway, it is sooooo incredibly quiet. We liked the quiet of "only 6 kids," not having the foster kids too. The quiet of losing your daughter is MUCH worse though. I don't see how we can ever be expected to get over this. I couldn't have just gotten over it had it been Kimberly or Victoria either. You don't just get over not raising your child! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 THanks for all the support y'all. Seriously, we're just devastated. It is SO incredibly hard. I saw the sun-blocking part of the stroller yesterday and thought, "Oh, I should put that on the stroller so the sun won't be on Monkey all day when we go to the zoo Thursday." Ummmm, yeah, well, I caught myself. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't. We don't have to work around nap time. I caught myself thinking, "what on earth are they thinking?!?!" when one kiddo made a little noise. Uhhh, that they don't have a baby sister not to wake up? :( Hubby is still seriously angry. Angry at the system. Angry at key people. Angry because we haven't heard more. Angry because obviously they decided that my reasons for skyping a day or two in weren't the case. Angry that people are making his baby think he abandoned her. Anyway, it is sooooo incredibly quiet. We liked the quiet of "only 6 kids," not having the foster kids too. The quiet of losing your daughter is MUCH worse though. I don't see how we can ever be expected to get over this. I couldn't have just gotten over it had it been Kimberly or Victoria either. You don't just get over not raising your child! :grouphug: :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 They were angry at you for skyping??? Sheesh. I'm so sorry. This is utterly heartbreaking. I cannot imagine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 :crying: I was hoping to read a different kind of update -- the kind where you got to Skype with Monkey and see that she's OK. I don't blame your husband for being incredibly angry. This is so unfair and you're probably both feeling so helpless. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 It makes you realize why the good, caring foster parents fall out of the program. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Pamela, I truly feel awful for your family, and so very, very sorry for your pain. I don't know if this will help or hurt, and debated whether or not to post. Sometimes, when placing a child in a new environment, they advocate a cold turkey approach, with a complete and total silence from the previous placement. They do this specifically to help the child bond in the new environment. If the child continues to cling to the bond with the old place, it can compromise the bond in the new placement. If Monkey is in what is hoped to be a permanent placement, they may have denied the Skype call specifically to give her the best possible chance at bonding with her new caregivers. Typically in such a situation they will not allow contact with the old placement for a minimum of six months. I don't know whether or not that is the case for darling Monkey, and I hope I haven't caused you more pain in offering this explanation as a possibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Sorry Terabith...hubby was angry because NC hasn't skyped with us despite my asking and giving what we thought were good reasons. Harriet, yes, I know. That was why I emailed my reasons why I thought contact would be better in Monkey's case, even if it was just a time or two. Of course, that doesn't mean they agreed with my reasoning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 It makes you realize why the good, caring foster parents fall out of the program. Yep! We've lost so many good families in our county that DCFS practically no longer attempts to remove a child from their home no matter how heinous it is. There isn't anywhere for them to go. But, they've done it to themselves. The department treats foster parents so HORRIDLY that they can't attract anyone to the system and can't keep a family for more than a year or two. It's nuts. Pamela, I'm praying for you and your family. Hugs today. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I used to say we were treated like glorified babysitters. Glorified my booty! We don't even get babysitter status. We are just a bed with a warm body to supervise and demand paperwork out of. And there is so much paperwork that it truly does take away from giving to the children at least sometimes. It is crazy. We are staying open at least 6 months so we can be here for Monkey. We may or may not accept children (ask me after they call). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Sorry Terabith...hubby was angry because NC hasn't skyped with us despite my asking and giving what we thought were good reasons. Harriet, yes, I know. That was why I emailed my reasons why I thought contact would be better in Monkey's case, even if it was just a time or two. Of course, that doesn't mean they agreed with my reasoning. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Pamela, do you think they will keep in touch with you at all? It will be awful if they don't at least let you know how she's doing. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 They *said* they would. They said we were extended family. They said we'd skype. They said we could visit NC when we visit other family (GA and FL) this summer. I don't wanna get my hopes up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 They *said* they would. They said we were extended family. They said we'd skype. They said we could visit NC when we visit other family (GA and FL) this summer. I don't wanna get my hopes up. I hope they follow through on their promises. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 :grouphug: I so hope you at the very least hear something soon. Keeping all in my prayers. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.thumb.jpg.bc80ba616e40e55a2fd485c5996f4456.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.