How do you get time alone?

[Broccoli]

I really want to home school.The thing is....I really need to be alone sometimes for a few hours. Does anybody feel like that and home school anyway? What do you to get time alone, I mean really alone, not alone as in taking a bath while their Dad watches the kids.

 

I'm just a bit of a loner I suppose.

 

Any insights?

 

I just don't know how I'll deal with that aspect, we don't have any family here either, so the kids are with us 24/7....unless they'd go to school.

[SheWillFly]

I get a night a week to be alone. Usually it means I go wander a local bookstore or take a hike until the sun goes down.

 

The rest of the week my husband works odd hours so I get from 8 until 10:30 in a quiet house to read, sew, meditate or whatever. If my husband worked a typical 9-5 schedule I think I'd go bonkers.

[Jen500]

My dh sometimes takes all the kids to the park or somewhere else for a few hours on the weekend. I get to enjoy the peace and quiet. I am also the last person in bed every night--I get about an hour to myself then.

[abreakfromlife]

I'm the same way.....it really wears on me when the kids are constantly talking to me and asking me questions :001_huh: We really try to get them in bed by 8, and we aren't very good about disciplining them when they get up, so they're in and out until 9 - we really need to work on that - but after they are in bed is my down time. I'll sit and read or do art stuff or whatever......sometimes dh will take them down to the park and I'll just sit with my music and a cup of tea and read. It is a challenge, though. I started getting up early to have some quiet time in the morning, and the boys started waking up earlier :glare: When I do get 'me time' I do notice it makes a huge difference in how I act with the kids and my attitude.

[MamaT]

My dh also tries to take the kids somewhere on the weekend. I try not to look around at everything that needs to be done and just relax. Most of the time it doesn't work and I end up taking care of things around the house.

 

I have this dream of going to a cabin in the woods for a weekend by myself. One day . . .

[Broccoli]

I get a night a week to be alone. Usually it means I go wander a local bookstore or take a hike until the sun goes down.

 

The rest of the week my husband works odd hours so I get from 8 until 10:30 in a quiet house to read, sew, meditate or whatever. If my husband worked a typical 9-5 schedule I think I'd go bonkers.

 

That is something worth remembering, my husband plans on being self employed some few years down the road and that would probably help...it's also one of the reasons I want to homeschool because I don't see much family time happening with the kids going to bed at 7 ( for example) and gone at 8am :001_huh: to go to school.

[Broccoli]

My dh also tries to take the kids somewhere on the weekend. I try not to look around at everything that needs to be done and just relax. Most of the time it doesn't work and I end up taking care of things around the house.

 

I have this dream of going to a cabin in the woods for a weekend by myself. One day . . .

 

 

I'm the same, when he does take them somewhere I end up cleaning, so now I go to gym instead so I don't have a choice but being alone :D.

 

I considered finding a babysitter for the "I'm going crazy" days :tongue_smilie:

[springmama]

I joined a gym, so I drop them off in the childcare room and workout for an hour a few times a week. Also, Thursday night is my night out. Sometimes I go to Knit Night at a local knitting shop, or I go to the bookstore, movies, shopping, coffee with friends....i just do whatever it is I feel like doing at the moment and it feels good!

[Rich with Kids]

I go in my closet. :D I have a gigantic closet (unusual for a 2400 sq. ft. home. I think the previous owner was kind of a diva) I can sit in my chair and read or make phone calls. I joked with DH that I need a flat screen and little fridge. My kids know that if mom's in the closet, don't come in unless you or someone you know is bloody. I usually only take 30-45 minutes, but it's so quiet in there. Very peaceful. That's about it for me at the moment. DH knows, though, if I start getting the "crazy eyes", then we'd best take a night out. (I've perfected crazy eyes, btw. ;))

[Ellie]

Early bedtimes for the dc when they were young--no later than 8 p.m. (they were asleep by 8:15-8:30).

 

Grocery shopping all by my onesie.

 

Reading in bed before turning off the light.

 

Dance or craft class in the evening when Mr. Ellie was home.

 

Sunday school class and choir practice.

 

When I started hsing I thought that I'd need my alone time, but it was strange: the longer I hsed, the less I needed it (I still went grocery shopping alone, though).

[Broccoli]

I already have a 12 year old, I don't think I'll have alone time in the evenings for the next 15 years :lol:. On the other hand a 12 year old can wait home alone,too.

 

Maybe I'm just overly anxious to be alone right now because my youngest is 2 and we all know 2 year olds :D

[rafiki]

.

[jonesloonybin]

Dh is with the kids at the library as we speak. I am a huge introvert and he is great about taking them out. He will take them grocery shopping or the park or the pool, once it opens. It is hard because I need time at home alone. It doesn't help if I go out in public alone...there are still people! Today I had to drive about an hour each way to a lady's house to paint the sets for my daughter's play. That wears on me. The driving on the freeway for so long...being at someone's house that I don't know...dealing with their mean barking dog that wanted to keep attacking my youngest..keeping the youngest occupied right near my side so the dog would leave her alone. After that I needed time of piece and quiet. I also stay up about 30 minutes after the kids and I get up about an hour before them. Also, as often as possible I do quiet time after lunch. Or as the weather is getting nicer..recess outside!

[JudoMom]

I wake up at 4:45. I study, exercise, do some chores, and complete thoughts. Dh wakes up around 6:30/7, but he's not a morning guy so he keeps to himself. The boys wake up between 7:30 & 9:30.

[littlebug42]

This is an issue for me especially since I work nights so my options are not great ones. I have started having my girls do their school reading etc in their rooms. They have an assignment to read and then they can read for pleasure to make up about an hour each day. I work from home and it is also quiet here in the evenings after bedtime. We require them to be in bed at 8 PM and they can read until 9 PM and then it is storytime and lights out. I could not make it without that peace in the evenings. The early bedtime is something that we have always insisted upon and the reading was a more recent addition as they just weren't usually ready to sleep at 8 PM.

[elegantlion]

I jump and down and scream and throw a fit. :D:tongue_smilie: kidding. My dh understands my need to be alone. Sunday afternoon I usually leave for a few hours. I usually run to the thrift stores, maybe the bookstore.

 

I also have a few evening shows I watch by myself and I take the time to hide in the bedroom.

 

Many times he will take ds if he is running errands or sometimes he goes to work on Saturdays with dad.

[ccmom]

Reading time during school is my alone time. Also when the kids are in bed.

[*********]

I wake up at 4:45. I study, exercise, do some chores, and complete thoughts. Dh wakes up around 6:30/7, but he's not a morning guy so he keeps to himself. The boys wake up between 7:30 & 9:30.

 

:001_huh: You wake up at 4:45!? Oh my, now I feel slothful. :D I don't get up until 7, and that's just 'cause dh gets up to get ready for work then, and I need to pack his lunch, warm up his car if it's cold out, etc. Otherwise, I dunno, I think I'd sleep until Moose and Zee were climbing on my head. :)

 

I've really thought about getting up earlier to get quite time to read my Bible, pray, etc. It's just, um, I like to sleep. Man, that does sound slothful...

[Alicia64]

Hi Broccoli,

 

I had the exact same concerns as you. I have two almost six year olds and I thought, "I can't be 'on' all day long! It's just not me."

 

Beyond, dh taking them somewhere on the weekend. . . I snatch alone time here or there all day long. For example, if I've done a lesson with the boys and read to them, I notice they want to go off and play alone as much as I want to read a chapter, catch up on email, bake something by myself.

 

And that happens at least two or three times a day. I've heard as they get older, it gets much easier because you can set them on a task and then get some of your own time.

 

The other cool thing is dh got his boss to agree to allow him to go to work two hours early, so he's home by 4 p.m. every day -- and as long as I have them fed and dressed he takes them to the river or the park. He calls it my "break" which makes me laugh because I usually get dinner going etc. But still, the house is quiet.

 

It's very do-able. The wonderful thing about homeschooling is that you find your own family's rhythm -- you're not jamming around on anyone else's schedule anymore. It's incredible. And you'll be amazed at how fast your kids learn with one on one time.

 

Let us know what you decide,

 

Alicia

[TXMomof4]

I have a babysitter come every Tuesday night. I have bible study every other week, but on the off week I just go out on my own and do whatever I feel like. Sometimes I'm shopping, a lot of times I sit at Half-Price books for a few hours, grocery shopping - whatever. It is the only time during the week that I am completely on my own and I love it!

[dtb1999]

My dh takes the kids outside to play when he gets home in the evenings. Yay for the recent daylight savings time! He also takes the kids out on the weekends sometimes. I also try to go shopping for groceries or other things by myself, and I take my dear sweet time. :tongue_smilie: Last but not least, I am the last to go to bed. My evening time when the kids are asleep is my daily "unwinding" time.

[Julie in CA]

I did a few things that helped.

 

For a while I had a sitter for a couple of hours once per week, but I used that time for running errands.

 

Another thing that helped was to find a friend willing to swap kids, so that every other week I had at least a half-day with a completely empty house. Of course, on the alternating Friday I had a very *busy* house, but it was still a good trade-off just to be alone in the house for that amount of time.

 

When I was overwhelmed and needed a break, I sent my kids outside in the yard with a picnic lunch and strict instructions to leave me alone except in case of emergency--emergency defined as: "Is anyone unconscious? Is anything on fire? Blood dripping? Bone sticking out through skin? No?? Then GO AWAY!!" I love my kids. Really. AND...they are teenagers now, and seem to have suffered no ill effects from those times out in the yard. :)

 

If all else fails, remind yourself that it truly is a "season of life" thing, and that you only need to hang on until your kids are old enough to stay alone by themselves for a little while. It gets a lot easier then! :grouphug:

[Rosy]

I am so glad I'm not the only one! :)

 

When my 4 were all 4 and under we had a babysitter come once a week for 3 hours. I would run the occasional errand but I was supposed to use that time to refresh. It was heavenly.

 

We have a quiet time every afternoon. It's not as quiet as I'd like it to be, but it does slow the barrage of questions/needs/bickering/etc.

 

DH sends me out once a week or so to have time to myself. Usually I spend it running errands, there just isn't much to do around here without driving at least 20 min. each way. But I'm fine with running errands by myself. :)

 

The best thing in the world, though, was the time he took the kids to his parents' house for the weekend. They left Friday evening and came back Monday afternoon. It was pure bliss.

[swellmomma]

I get my "me time" in the late hours of the night. The kids are usually all asleep by 10:30pm so I end up taking time between 10:30pm and 1 am to read, or watch a movie or whatever I want. Also Wednesday mornings is ladies bible study at my church, so when I sign up for a series that gives me time to refocus and energize again. I have my kids 24/7 typically too, though I do have family close by so when I start feeling like I am going to throttle one or more of the kids I send them for anywhere from a few hours to overnight to my folks or my sister's place. I am still never really alone then as I never send the baby and they typically only take 1-2 of the other kids but it still helps me have some down time when I can even cut my number of kids in half for a few hours. I need that since I do not have a spouse that can take the kids out of the house for a few hours, or stay home with them while I run away for a couple hours, I don't even shop for groceries alone, so I can get a little cranky at times never having down time.

 

I also take advantage of camps around here, the big kids just did a spring break camp, they were gone from 12-4 every afternoon, this summer between the 3 older ones I think I have a total of 2 weeks with all 4 home all day all summer, and 1 week with all of us at family camp together, otherwise I have 1-2 in a camp each week. I do this for my own sanity as well as there's, they like having the break from me and each other to let us refocus and appreciate being around each other again when school starts up again.

 

So yeah, I am never really alone I guess but it is enough for me to stay sane. I am a loner and prefer solitude over all, but this is what is working to give me what I need while still being home and homeschooling them.

[chaik76]

My kids have rest time from 12:30 to 3:30. That's my time. My oldest is old enough to do whatever he wants during rest time (as long as he's being relatively quiet so the baby can sleep, and is not in the same room as me).

 

I also stay up late at night (hence the reason I am posting at 2:24am).

 

My husband is great about me going out in the evenings. I usually go to the bookstore or something like that, too.

 

It is doable for loners (and I am very much a loner).

[Peela]

I need a LOT of alone time and you'll find many homeschooling mums are introverted and need their space.

 

I have a daily afternoon nap while the kids read and then just do their own thing. Often, 2 hours. I bite hard if anyone disturbs my rest time by making noise or coming into my room.

 

In the evenings, I go off duty around 8 or so. My kids are now teens and go to bed at 9pm, but until recently, it was 8, then 8.3opm. I choose to watch tv with them, but I could easily be alone instead. They dont go to sleep straight away, but they are in their rooms.

 

I get up at least an hour before the kids in the morning to have some alone time before they get up.

 

On weekends and holidays, I dont presume to entertain them or do things with them all the time. We all just do our own thing a fair bit. We eat together usually, we spend plenty of time together, but we are all fairly independent.

 

The thing I found when I started homeschooling is that my kids became considerably less needy of me once they had me around all day. Once they filled up on me, so to speak, they became pretty self contained. Also, they are much easier to be around when they are not at school all day. Layers of coping mechanisms and schoolyard behaviour shed off and they actually become quite nice people :).

In fact, many women I speak to, when they find out I homeschool, instincitvely react and say they wouldnt want to be around their kids that much. But I find it easy. Their personalities changed a lot when they stopped going to school.

[OhM]

I already have a 12 year old, I don't think I'll have alone time in the evenings for the next 15 years :lol:. On the other hand a 12 year old can wait home alone,too.

 

 

Mine are 11 and 14 - and the rule has carried over from when they were younger - after 9:00pm is mom and dad time - which means they are in their rooms. Older dd pretty much goes to bed then, but younger dd has never needed as much sleep as the rest of us. She'll read or watch dvd's on the portable player until 10:30 or so.

[Ferdie]

I appreciate this thread because alone time has been my biggest struggle this year. When we lived near relatives, my dh would take the kids to Grandma's house every weekend for a few hours. He also took them to AWANA's on Wed. night. I miss those days!!

[KidsHappen]

I go in my closet. :D I have a gigantic closet (unusual for a 2400 sq. ft. home. I think the previous owner was kind of a diva) I can sit in my chair and read or make phone calls. I joked with DH that I need a flat screen and little fridge. My kids know that if mom's in the closet, don't come in unless you or someone you know is bloody. I usually only take 30-45 minutes, but it's so quiet in there. Very peaceful. That's about it for me at the moment. DH knows, though, if I start getting the "crazy eyes", then we'd best take a night out. (I've perfected crazy eyes, btw. ;))

 

 

Wow, I was going to say I go hide in the closet. I don't really but I do have any office in my bedroom and I get my alone time there. I have also been thingink of get a little dorm size fridge and small tv. Then I would rarely leave my room at all.

[mom4him]

When I started hsing I thought that I'd need my alone time, but it was strange: the longer I hsed, the less I needed it (I still went grocery shopping alone, though).

 

:iagree:This is where I am at. I think some of it is because the kids are a little older but more than anything I have learned to 'really enjoy' them.

This last December we were in K-Mart and as was we were looking at all of the Christmas stuff I had this AHA moment. I realized that I totally enjoy having them with me and don't have that 'big' desire to go without them.

If I need to do something with out them I do such as some shopping that I don't want their eyes seeing, surprises and such but for the most part we do it all together.:) I love it!

[Cranberry]

I've appreciated this post. I'm definitely someone who needs time alone with my thoughts. I don't necessarily need to be alone, but just quiet...

My kids are very little now and it's such a challenge. But I try to keep the afternoon nap time free of chores so I can use it as my thinking time.

 

I have been thinking a lot recently about online time. I've decided that I have been looking at it all wrong. It may seem like "me" time, but it's very much like being in a room full of people with everyone talking at once. So much info, so much conversation. It's fun for a while, but since I gain strength from being alone with my own thoughts, that's how I recharge, being online is counterproductive to that.

 

I get out for a run/walk 3x a week, as soon as DH gets home from work, I pop out the door. It's like a reset button.

[KidsHappen]

Well, a 2 yr. old is hard especially if he/she doesn't sleep much. I have a serious problem with noise and hectic activity and I have six children with all the youngers being about three years apart so it was really rough at times. When they were very young, I had to arrange my life in such a way that I got time alone or I really would have went crazy. My mother lived with me when the kids were very young and then after she moved out, she lived very close. My hubby took the kids for daddy dates and weekend outings. As the kids got older, the oldest ones got to babysit or at least be in charge of the littles for awhile. I was very lucky to have such a support system and I don't know how I would have managed if I didn't.

 

I am extremely blessed now. I get up earlier than my children and stay up later so I get time alone both morning and night. I live in a very safe neighborhood on a cul-de-sac and know all my neighbors. After school each day, my kids play outside with their friends until 5:30 or 6:00. I have three older teens in the house so after dinner I can retire to my office and kind of leave them in charge downstairs and know that they will manage small issues and alert me to any bigger problems. I can also spend a few hours away from the house if need be and sometimes they will even take the kids on small outings (ie, a walk, blockbuster, the library, the park, the movies, etc.). My hubby is gone five days a week so all of my time away from the kids really is alone time.

 

I need all of this alone time during the week though to recover from the weekends. The two days that hubby is home I try to spend as much time with him as I can. Of course, the children also try to get as much time with dad as they can so it means a lot of intense family time and a lot of activity. Go, go , go. We are always doing something and since there are 7 of us here it is much like Cheaper by the Dozen. I am seriously over stimulated come Sunday evening.

 

 

My advice to you is to either try to get the kids to bed much earlier than you or get them to sleep later than you. Look into a mother's helper for the two year old an hour or two after school hours and then make the 12 yr. old have their own quiet time. Retire to your room to do your own thing even if it is nothing more than just sitting and thinking. Or leave dh in charge for an hour each evening and maybe a little more on weekends. Eek out what little you can here and there. You may not get a long concentrated time alone period but it might be enough to get you by until they get older and it gets a little easier. And above all try to remember that this is but a season of your life and you will get your time alone someday. Remind yourself of this when things get hectic. At the very least, it will give you hope and something to look forward to.