church attire

[luna]

My 12 1/2 yr dd and I argue weekly about "church clothes." She has outgrown the two pairs of pants we set aside for church. Last night, we shopped for a new pair and could not find anything appropriate in her size at the three stores near us (TJ Maxx, Kohls and Walmart-ugh!) Walmart was a last resort and I had no idea what the clothes were like there. We can try other places another day that are not as nearby. Anyway, she said "God doesn't care if I wear jeans." She added that only she and one other middle-schooler wear something other than jeans. I have always been against jeans at church and felt I was giving in by allowing pants, not a skirt or dress. I am not overly conservative, but feel it is an appropriate sign of respect and sets the time aside as unique from the rest of our days. Then, during the sermon, the pastor said, "God doesn't care if we worship and pray standing up, on our knees or prostrate on the ground, he cares that we pray and worship." So, that got me thinking about her outfits. I was thinking maybe nicer jeans that she only wears at church, with a nice top. I just don't know...thoughts anyone? Thanks for reading!

[Desert Rat]

It depends on the type of church you attend. I don't go to church but as a teenager was never allowed to wear jeans to Sunday morning services (youth group was fine). I was allowed to wear pants but I had a few friends who were skirts only. I was raised Methodist.

I would say that it's up to you, not your daughter, what you feel comfortable letting her wear. But, if she is indeed the ONLY one that isn't allowed to wear jeans to church, I would consider a compromise. JMHO.

[OnTheBrink]

IMHO, as long as the girl is dressed in age-appropriate, modest, clean clothes, I'd not die on this hill. My dd is 11 and normally prefers to wear pants or jeans to church. Most of the girls her age dress similarly. There are occasions where dressing up is required, but at our church, it's not really the norm for the kids (and most of the adults, too).

[Hillary in KS]

Well, I have only boys, so pants is the only option here. :) But they wear trousers or khakis. I wear nice slacks or a skirt. No jeans.

 

There are other families that have children who wear jeans. But dh and I don't make decisions for our family based on what other families do.

 

For us, dress helps set the tone for the day. We want the Lord's Day to be set apart from the rest of the days of the week. For our family, that means: church and Sunday Bible Study attendance, family lunch after church, dressing nicely for church, and restful family time throughout the day.

 

It is not out of line to have a different standard of dress on Sundays. Try taking your dd to Penny's, Sears, or Macy's , and look for nicer things she'd be comfortable wearing. If you can find 2 pairs of slack, and 2-3 tops that will go with each, then she can switch between them for different looks.

 

And as a LAST resort, remind her that boys notice girls who look nice. :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK. That last bit was terrible. true, but not something you should probably use as motivation for your daughter. :)

[ConnieB]

Is her assessment that she and one other person are the only ones NOT wearing jeans? If so, then I'd say that the people of your church agree with your daughter and that jeans are appropriate at that church. Now, that does NOT however, mean that you are required to accept that precendent and change YOUR opinion of appropriate attire for your family.

 

I have to agree with your daughter though......my philosphy about church wear has always been that since God sees me all the time (including in the shower and when I'm changing my clothes) that if He can still love me seeing me n*ked then he'll love me in my comfy jeans kneeling in His house...or wherever else I am. However, I believe that He is a pretty easy going guy on these little points....because He knows my heart better than I do, so he knows that my respect and Love for Him is in there, not in my jeans pocket.

 

I do, however, know where you're coming from because my mother would frown and look at my father who would just shake his head. It wasn't until I was an adult that I learned of the constant consternation my attire at church caused my mother and how she held her tongue because my father reminded her that my refusing to attend church, or worse, going with an anger filled heart was worse than wearing jeans. I had to be a parent myself before I truly understood how tough it was for her (and probably daddy too).

 

So...if at possible, please consider letting your daughter's heart for God lead her to what she believes will please Him and her. Have a beautiful outfit available for her to wear if she chooses, remind her that whatever she wears must at least be clean, and then thank Him for such a daughter to be in your life and that she loves Him. That is what is truly important isn't it?

 

Is this a mountain you want to die on?

[Jann in TX]

I wore jeans to church this morning. At our church everyone is welcome. Some women wear nice 'Sunday' dresses and some men wear suits...most dress more casually. The pastor will even (gasp) occasionally wear jeans...but we do live out in the country!

 

I grew up with 'Sunday' clothes.

 

I'm glad that I'm FREE from the leagalism--that in some way I'm being 'disrespectful' if I don't wear the latest fashion... I know this is a PERSONAL matter--and I'm not judging anyone--but it had become an issue of leagalism to ME.

 

My dds will wear dresses or jeans--all I ask is that they are clean. My girls also LIKE to dress modestly--so I'm fortunate (blessed) that we don't have any of those issues to deal with at home!

 

I RARELY wear a dress/skirt. I HAD to this past summer on my Africa trip--but that was cultural (I had to agree to or I would not have been allowed to go). I have severe skin issues and my legs have taken the brunt of it. I CANNOT wear stockings and any dress/skirt I wear MUST come to the ground --no one wants to see OPEN SORES! In africa I wore knit yoga pants under my long skirts--the skirt I wore the most was denim!

 

I have a terrible time finding slacks to wear--don't even get me started on dress shoes (due to my foot issues). I try to look 'presentable'--and I firmly believe that God cares more about my insides!

[TrixieB]

I have 2 rules for my dc's church clothes:

 

Clothes must be clean.

Clothes must be in good repair -- this includes socks, because my youngest wants to wear heel-less socks with sandals. :rolleyes:

 

I haven't had to address the modesty issue yet.

 

Our church is pretty casual; adults (including me) and kids wear jeans, and a lot of kids wear shorts in the summer.

[Tabrett]

Our church is very informal. The pastor and most people on stage wear jeans. My family and I normally wear jeans. If I were to go to more traditional style church, I would wear slacks or a skirt and have my teen dd do the same. I normally have my family dress correctly for the style of church we are attending. What is acceptable at your church?

[ereks mom]

IMHO, as long as the girl is dressed in age-appropriate, modest, clean clothes, I'd not die on this hill. My dd is 11 and normally prefers to wear pants or jeans to church. Most of the girls her age dress similarly. There are occasions where dressing up is required, but at our church, it's not really the norm for the kids (and most of the adults, too).

 

:iagree:

[LizzyBee]

At our church in Baltimore, only deacons could serve communion, and they had to wear a suit to serve communion. So apparently, owning a suit is a prerequisite for being a deacon?? That seems to fly in the face of everything Jesus taught. My dh was a deacon and he went along with the suit thing because that was the rule, but he agreed with me that it was a dumb rule.

 

Second, I used to work with a woman who came to work one day very excited because she and her husband had decided to become Christians. I invited her to church, and her response was, "I'm not like those people," said with downcast eyes as if she was ashamed. She didn't fit in and she knew it. I've never forgotten that and I thought it was so sad that a new Christian would not feel welcome in church.

 

After moving to NC, we joined a church where people dress however they're comfortable. There is no dress code or rank required for serving communion, ushering, or any other task, except that cleanliness and modesty are expected. For me, it has been so freeing to forget about appearances and focus on worship and relationships. Today, my dh wore blue jeans, I wore khaki-colored jeans, my 7 yo wore a very nice skirt outfit, my 12 yo wore blue jeans, and my 15 yo wore knee-length denim shorts.

[ChristusG]

As a child, my parents made me wear a dress to church every Sunday and Wednesday. I despised it....I was a tomboy, it killed me! Now.....I wear jeans to church all the time. As long as I'm clean, modest, and wearing nice clothes, I think it is fine....especailly if I'm not the only one wearing more casual clothing.

[katemary63]

I wore jeans to church this morning. At our church everyone is welcome. Some women wear nice 'Sunday' dresses and some men wear suits...most dress more casually. The pastor will even (gasp) occasionally wear jeans...but we do live out in the country!

 

I grew up with 'Sunday' clothes.

 

I'm glad that I'm FREE from the leagalism--that in some way I'm being 'disrespectful' if I don't wear the latest fashion... I know this is a PERSONAL matter--and I'm not judging anyone--but it had become an issue of leagalism to ME.

 

My dds will wear dresses or jeans--all I ask is that they are clean. My girls also LIKE to dress modestly--so I'm fortunate (blessed) that we don't have any of those issues to deal with at home!

 

I RARELY wear a dress/skirt. I HAD to this past summer on my Africa trip--but that was cultural (I had to agree to or I would not have been allowed to go). I have severe skin issues and my legs have taken the brunt of it. I CANNOT wear stockings and any dress/skirt I wear MUST come to the ground --no one wants to see OPEN SORES! In africa I wore knit yoga pants under my long skirts--the skirt I wore the most was denim!

 

I have a terrible time finding slacks to wear--don't even get me started on dress shoes (due to my foot issues). I try to look 'presentable'--and I firmly believe that God cares more about my insides!

 

This is so much like me. I grew up with "church clothes", dresses only. We all got dressed up in our best for Sunday and actually, I liked it. But as I got married and had a family, it just turned out that this did not "suit" us. (Pun intended! ) We are a casual family and right away, when we were younger, my husband and I found a casual church. Yes, some there dressed up. But many did not. My kids have worn jeans to church since infancy! I only own ONE pair of pants right now that is NOT jeans, (and to be honest, I'm not completely sure they fit me! ) I do not own a dress. I could not walk in heals if you paid me. I have only 4 pairs of shoes that are not boots: Black, leather, flat, dress shoes, ( to go with that black pair of dress pants I wear to weddings or funerals only ) Black, leather, flat, casual shoes, clean tennies and dirty tennies - THAT'S IT!, oh, okay, flip flops for summer. I just don't care AT ALL about fashion and clothes - that's just me. (I do care about boots! Rubber muck boots, insulated muck boots, cowboy boots, riding boots, hiking boots! Love my boots!) (Can you just imagine me going to a "dressy" church! )

When we moved to Arkansas, we were shocked at the formality of most churches. We attended one for a while where, I swear, most of the women dressed like they were the mother of the bride at a wedding! I couldn't believe it. But the church had lots to offer and the people were nice. After a while, though, we left to find a church that just suited our family more - casual and contemporary. We are much more comfortable where we are now.

I am in no way, saying that there is anything wrong with having "church clothes" and dressing up for Sunday if that is your family and church culture. I am saying that it really doesn't mean much in the end. There is no spiritual difference between those who do and those who don't. It's just culture. So....who cares! Dress up if you want, don't if you don't want. I would say to my daughter that she would have to be clean, modest, and wear what fit into our culture - family and church ( always with respect to your values - I DON'T agree with hoochie clothes at church, or anywhere else for that matter!). If there are lots of teens wearing jeans at YOUR church - then let her. If you go to the church I did, where you are not sure if it is an ordinary Sunday morning or a fashion shoot for a wedding magazine, then maybe not so much! JMHO. (taffeta?? taffeta? Who wears taffeta to Church?? )

[Beebalm]

I always made my daughters 'dress up' for church....I wanted them to be respectful and present themselves at their best. However, about a year ago I began teaching junior high Sunday School. While I frequently tell my girls they aren't clones and it doesn't matter what others do, I am sensitive to the fact that it's almost physically painful for tweens and teens to stick out too much. Mine are the only two homeschooled students in a large youth group. Wearing their nicest jeans with cute tops helps them feel a bit more connected. No sloppiness or grunginess is tolerated. No slogans on tshirts unless it's a youth day and all the kids are participating in the service. They do innately know what is appropriate for different situations at church. My girls sometimes play (violins) for services and always want to dress in their best for those occasions. You've taught em...they know inside. One more thing.....teen girls can be pretty tough on those who are different...even at church. It makes me really sad to see this behaviour, but they're in the process of learning better, hopefully. After getting more connected myself and seeing what my girls faced in the youth group, I understood more why wanted to wear jeans. It's a small concession to make our church a place they love to be.

[joannqn]

I would be more concerned about her heart than her clothes. I would worry that the constant fighting over her clothing could eventually lead to her hardening her heart against the church and Christ. I've personally seen a pastor's son choose against God because of father's rules.

[ConnieB]

It's a small concession to make our church a place they love to be.

 

I would be more concerned about her heart than her clothes. I would worry that the constant fighting over her clothing could eventually lead to her hardening her heart against the church and Christ. I've personally seen a pastor's son choose against God because of father's rules.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Chris in VA]

I'm an atypical (a-stereotypical? lol) pastor's wife--sometimes I know the parents in our congregation shake their heads a bit at me.

I sometimes come in late.

I don't sit in the same place every Sunday (so they can't track me down and see if I was in church or not...).

I don't dress up all the time--no makeup most Sundays, occasional jeans, etc.

I can't sing, and I don't serve on the altar guild, and I even (rarely, but sometimes) say that sometimes I don't feel like worshipping on Sundays.

 

But I think everyone knows I love the Lord. I'm just really, really human. Being a work in progress in front of everyone isn't easy. We all are, though, aren't we? Especially our teens, who may be a little sensitive about that. As they try so hard to fit in, if not in the group, at least into their own skin (!), I think we need to show them two things--how to be respectful, and grace.

 

So, if they understand that church is a special time, a sabbath time set aside for worship, and can participate wholeheartedly while wearing jeans (clean, not ripped--same standard as dressing up, but just applied differently), I'd say "fine." We are at a church that uses liturgical clothing for priests and those on the altar. Dresses/suits or nicer (not trashy) clothes are the liturgical garb of the laity. Because we believe the congregation is a participant in the service also, we dress a certain way.

 

But if that dress is a burden or becomes a burden to someone's spiritual life, then ok, ditch it.

 

And fwiw, David worshipped naked occasionally--but he knew the time and the place. Wonder what his mom thought? :D

[Parrothead]

I'm happy if I can get my dd into jeans to go to church. She has a little pudgy belly that is most comfortable in sweats. The regular pants are too small. The plus sizes are too big. So there has to be a bit of manipulating of what ever pants she wears to church.

 

If the clothes fit well, are clean and not stressed at the seams I let her wear what ever she is most comfortable in.

[luna]

Thank you all for your very thoughtful responses. We are going shopping for some new church clothes that we can agree on. I would even consider jeans if they are set aside for church and paired with a nice top and shoes.

[Moni]

God doesn't care if we worship and pray standing up, on our knees or prostrate on the ground, he cares that we pray and worship

 

God sees her when she's in her playclothes at home, and in her jammies.

But he sees her naked in the shower and when she's changing clothes, but we all don't go to Church in the nude either :glare: So that argument kind of doesn't work very well after all. :lol:

 

:seeya:

[athena1277]

When you go to church for worship, you are in the presence of God. The one and only God who created the universe. And you. That alone demands respect. That respect demands proper attire. You wouldn't wear jeans to meet the President. You wouldn't wear jeans to go before a judge in court. Why belittle God by wearing jeans on Sunday? Isn't He much greater than the President or a judge?

 

Also, why do your children have to conform to what the others do (wear)? I thought that was the reason for homeschooling. To do what's best for our kids. Teach them to show proper respect to God by what they wear.

[WTMindy]

People wear jeans to the church we go to now. Our old church people dressed up more. It just depends on the culture of the church.

[Lux Et Veritas Academy]

We wear our best clothes on Sunday- I love it, because it is a time for everyone to dress up and their attitude reflects it. I love my boys in white shirts and ties. I love to see my daughters in dresses. The opportunity is almost gone in America.

[MamaT]

So our whole family wears jeans, and so do the pastor and worship team. My rules for my daughter is that she wear her "nicer" jeans and dress modestly.

 

It is very freeing not to have to dress everyone up in their "best" for church - we can just focus on what we are really there for.

[MrsMe]

Our church is a mix. Most of the kids under 12 really play...hockey, basketball, on the gym equipment on breaks so if my dd wears a dress she has to wear shorts underneath.

 

I wear jeans usally with a jacket or nice shirt and boots and I don't care if my dd wears jeans. But I'm totally against and will never allow the tight shirts, shirts w/writing, t-shirts and "hip huggers" that display crack, the wet hair because they didn't dry it before they left, etc. They have to be nice. No grunge type. It's easy to look nice and be in a decent pair of jeans and a nice shirt and still be appropriate. I know God probably doesn't care, but I do and I think it's a responsibility issue that they be clothed decent and it also sets a precedent for later on when they go to work.

 

Here, they have dress-down Fridays and I tell you some come in sweats and with t-shirts with skulls and writing. I highly think that is not intended and at one point it ruined it for the rest of us, because some couldn't dress down decently.

[elegantlion]

Our last church was very casual. Some people wore suits, some jeans. I personally believe that God sees me all day and he is more concerned about the condition of my heart and the posture (spiritually speaking) of my worship, not my attire.

 

I think when clothing becomes a status symbol for people of the church, "Oh, she has on that nice suit I saw in the store the other day", it detracts from the service itself.

 

My dh and I dressed up in business for several years. Like another mentioned we have become more casual in our lifestyle, but not our respect toward God.

 

We allow ds to wear clean clothes but khakis and buttons downs are not required.

 

I used to sing on the worship team at another church. We had required colors to wear each week. I had a revelation one day that I was spending more time trying to figure out what to wear (what fit, what fit the dress code) than I was preparing my heart for worship. I think a lot of my attitude about attire changed at that time.

 

The bible says:

 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." — Matthew 11:28

 

It doesn't say all of those that are well dressed. :D JMHO

[Garga]

When my mother was young (1960s) she wore white gloves and a hat to church.

 

When I was young we wore skirts (1980s) , but if I had worn gloves and a hat I would have looked ridiculous.

 

Currently, in my church, adults and kids wear anything from jeans to nice Sunday Dresses.

 

If she's the only one dressing differently, I would let her wear what she wants, as long as it's clean and modest. Making her look different would be the same as if my mom had made me wear gloves and a hat.

[Alice]

I'm an atypical (a-stereotypical? lol) pastor's wife--sometimes I know the parents in our congregation shake their heads a bit at me.

I sometimes come in late.

I don't sit in the same place every Sunday (so they can't track me down and see if I was in church or not...).

I don't dress up all the time--no makeup most Sundays, occasional jeans, etc.

I can't sing, and I don't serve on the altar guild, and I even (rarely, but sometimes) say that sometimes I don't feel like worshipping on Sundays.

 

But I think everyone knows I love the Lord. I'm just really, really human. Being a work in progress in front of everyone isn't easy. We all are, though, aren't we? Especially our teens, who may be a little sensitive about that. As they try so hard to fit in, if not in the group, at least into their own skin (!), I think we need to show them two things--how to be respectful, and grace.

 

So, if they understand that church is a special time, a sabbath time set aside for worship, and can participate wholeheartedly while wearing jeans (clean, not ripped--same standard as dressing up, but just applied differently), I'd say "fine." We are at a church that uses liturgical clothing for priests and those on the altar. Dresses/suits or nicer (not trashy) clothes are the liturgical garb of the laity. Because we believe the congregation is a participant in the service also, we dress a certain way.

 

But if that dress is a burden or becomes a burden to someone's spiritual life, then ok, ditch it.

 

And fwiw, David worshipped naked occasionally--but he knew the time and the place. Wonder what his mom thought? :D

 

Great post. And I think you'd get along great with my pastor's "atypical" wife. :) When we were in the process of looking for a new pastor and they had come up here for a visit/interview she told me and some other ladies that her Mom had told her she should get her hair dyed and done because the grey would make her "look old and frumpy". Just the fact that she hadn't gotten it dyed made me like her more. :)

 

I remember being a teen in church and wearing jeans and not so nice clothes to church. I remember it being a big thing in my mind that anyone who didn't like it was a hypocrite because God loves us regardless of what we wear. I am grateful now for all the adults that loved and accepted me then. Now, I like dressing up a bit because it's the only day I have to do so. And I like the idea of looking my best for God. But I'm glad that our church accepts anyone regardless of dress. I dress my boys up now somewhat , but that's because they are still young enough to let me pick out their clothes. I'm sure that will change as they get older.