Prayers for us. I am at the end of my rope.

[dirty ethel rackham]

:ack2:Please keep ds15 and me in your prayers. I am at the end of my rope with him. He is a super smart kid who just CAN'T finish his work. He is academic ally capable of high A's in everything, but can't manage his work. We have struggled with him being behind all year. We basically did not take a Christmas break because he was so behind. He is taking two outside classes (Latin and Chemistry.) I thought we were starting January on a new foot because we worked so hard to catch up. Now he is behind AGAIN.

 

I am barely getting stuff done with my other two because my oldest takes ALL of my time to keep him on task. We just don't have many priveledges to take away because almost everything he does accomplishes a school or personal growth goal. He is having social difficulties, so I am reluctant to drop all activities that involve others, because they seem to motivate him. I don't want to drop Karate because that is the only exercise he gets and the Sensei's motivate him. I am regretting signing him up for Drivers' Ed but I can't get my money back now and it is expensive. We live in suburbia, so driving is a necessity, not a luxury.

 

In Chemistry - he is a month behind. It is getting challenging - not academically beyond him, but requires work. He is a week behind in Latin. He is a year behind where he should be in Math. He was a semester behind, so I thought, until I caught him cheating with the answer key so I made him start over from the beginning.

 

He is not a bad kid, but just doesn't want to grow up. He is an older freshman as he has a fall birthday. I am just so frustrated. He is in counseling for depression, but I have not seen an improvement in his work. It seems that any time I leave him to work with his siblings, he just doesn't get time off. Other than his online classes, he gets no computer time. He doesn't get any TV time. His other "avoidance" thing is reading. But, I can hardly box up all of the 10 bookcases of books to keep them out of his hands - he would read cereal boxes and soup can labels to feed his habit. We did reduce his scouting activities to just the ones that meet academic and religious goals.

 

Dh wants to send him to school, but that would be a disaster socially. He is the absent minded professor who has always struggled socially. I just don't know what to do anymore. this is a hard time for me anyway because I have seasonal affective disorder and have to do more on less energy. BTDT on ALL of the known therapies and remedies - getting by, but barely.

 

Please pray for us before I have a screaming meltdown in front of the piano teacher who just arrived!!!

[unsinkable]

Oh, you have my prayers! Your post touched me in many ways. We are struggling with academic and maturity issues ourselves 'round here.

 

:grouphug:

[FO4UR]

:grouphug:

 

I would consider letting him take the consequences for slacking off in his outside classes. Easier for me to say, than you to do.;)

[Jenny in Florida]

I haven't faced this with my own kids -- yet. But I can totally envision being there with my son in a few years.

 

If it were me, I think I would sit the kid down and ask him how he wants to proceed. Then I would make him sign a contract with consequences clearly stated for failing to live up to his end of the bargain.

 

Basically, it should be his responsibility, because it's his life.

 

But, no, sending him to school would not be the first option on my list. In an environment in which he would not get the kind of personal attention he's getting at home, it would be entirely too easy for him to just check out completely. Ask me how I know . . .

[MBH]

:grouphug: Praying for you. Just a word of encouragement that this phase shall pass and he will grow up through much prayer and guidance.

[bettyandbob]

Mine's a year younger. He's in 9th in public school. The semester ended Friday and guess what ds did all weekend. Late assignments for English and French. While turning those assignments this morning, I had ds stop by his history teacher to ask about next weeks homework and guess what he's missing assignments for her too. Today and tomorrow are teacher workdays.

 

Despite this, ds is more accountable to his teachers than he was to me last year at home. And last year he was more accountable to his French and Latin teachers--classes he took outside the house.

 

ds has ADHD, but dh is adament that we not treat it with pharmaceuticals. So, we try to implement structure to help ds.

 

Besides PE, ds is in all honors classes. We have considered removing him from honors. His teachers think he belongs in honors, despite poor grades. Honestly, I don't think taking him out of honors would change things significantly--there's still assignments to turn in in regular classes too.

 

Ds wanted to go to public school. First he wanted to go to a special math and science magnet. He applied and got through the first stage of admissions, then he considered the 2.5 hours daily on the bus and decided not to complete the application. Knowing his organizational skills I was glad he made the decision.

 

He was still sure he should go to public school. I too worried about social issues. My ds has poor social skills and is in counseling. While not diagnosed he does exhibit behaviors that suggest depression as well. I have to say, the social side of high school has been a success for my ds. He found a group to hang out with at lunch. He happily talks about these kids and different things they do at lunch--go to the library, program games in their calculators, talk politics. I think the key to my ds's social success is that he had no history with the kids. In high school, kids tend to be done creating new nasty things to do and say. So, as a new kid my ds didn't have to go through that ritual. Now, it seems that for kids that do know eachother the history remains and it doesn't get better socially. However, it looks like even though my ds is socially inept, he's avoided the hazing.

 

I have to work harder on structuring him. He has fine motor problems and writes very little, so he doesn't keep and assignment book. He types every assignment except math, including in class assignments--his teachers don't want to read anything he writes either. Assignments are posted online so we have to check the "blackboard" regularly. I have a few other things I will be doing.

 

This is not to say you should put him in school. What ever you do you need a lot of structure. You need him to work in an area free of distraction (move the electric guitar or whatever away from his desk, etc). You may need to structure your day so he turns in an assignment every hour. If he works in a different room, you may need to look in on him in 30-60 min intervals to redirect.

 

What is he doing during "school time". We thought ds was spending time on facebook, instead of homework. Ds actually admitted that between assignments he would take a break and play minesweeper. It turns out he would play over and over for an hour.

 

I know what you mean about not wanting to take things away from your ds. I don't want to take away my ds's drum lessons. He' not very good. However, he is happiest when he goes to drum lessons. Ds has been unhappy for so long, I don't want to go back to that.

 

When ds was home last year, trying to keep him organized really interferred with teaching dd. I work too. Last year was organized around work, ds outside classes and keeping him on task. This year is about dd.

 

Whatever you do, the answer involves structure.

[ereks mom]

[TravelingChris]

I will pray for you. I am similarly struggling with this with my 12yo daughter. I know that SAD is a major factor here since we moved up here on Dec. 19th from Florida and went from sunny relatively long days in winter to cloudy very short days here.

[Jann in TX]

My middle dd suffers from a thyroid disorder and while that is pretty easy to stay up with the resulting depression is NOT.

 

We had to pull dd out of PS after about 6 weeks of school this year due to her depression. At school she was a HIGH honor's student and was making high A's in all subjects--so she is more than capable. We pulled her out because her depression was making her suicidal. I rather have her alive than in school...

 

We even had to hospitalize her on Christmas day due to her depression.

 

Luckily (or not) dd's Drs did not want to put her on meds--the Psychiatrist at the hospital had us stop giving her her over the counter meds too (he did not believe in them).

 

At home (she was homeschooled for grades 1-5) it is ALL I can do to get her to do ANYTHING. She will do Math (she knows that she has no excuses because I can always help) but REFUSES to do the $400 Spanish course she started and her $300 Chemistry program. DH has taken over Chemistry--Spanish is a lost cause...(GRRRR). I can get a tiny bit of Literature out of her a few days a week if I'm lucky...

 

Anyways we just started her back on 5HTP an over the counter med that her GP (who is also a naturopath) started her on this past summer. HUGE difference this past week. All of her assigned work was completed (well-with the exception of Spanish).

 

When a child (or adult) suffers from clinical depression discipline RARELY works--most of the time it makes things worse. Isolating him from his peers would most likely INCREASE his depression. Talking it out (in serious therapy) may work--talking it out 'parent to child' most likely would not.

 

I wish there was an easy answer for you.

((hugs))

Jann

[Unicorn.]

I could have written this post. You described my 12 yo ds exactly. We have the same struggles/problems. Dh and I are at our wits end on what to do w/ this kid. Rewards for getting things done don't work, and the only punishment that has ever had results is taking away the t.v. Once he has that taken away he doesn't care what else he looses, except books, and I have grounded him from reading before, but....

 

We are not going digital, so in Feb. when we go black, we won't have the t.v. to take away. Dh and I are trying to come up w/ some form of discipline that will work w/ him. Like you though, I just don't know what to do w/ him.

 

All that just to say that I truly do empathize w/ you, and will keep you in my prayers as I pray for my own wisdom/answers.

[klmama]

:grouphug: Prayed. I PMed you, too.

[elise1mds]

No advice, no BTDT, just *hugs* and you are definitely in my thoughts!

[Sojourner]

Ellen,

Just wanted you to know there are other frustrated, sometimes screaming, looking for answers moms out here praying with you. I also have a smart slacker and have no answers as I am still trying out rewards/restrictions scenarios looking for that "magical" recipe that will transform my son into a diligent, self-propelled, living up to his full potential....

OK! Back to reality.

I would just caution you not to curtail his social situations too strictly at this time since you mentioned he is a bit awkward already in that area and a bit depressed. I do believe social interaction with good friends around his age is an important factor in maturing.

How can he lose with a mother who cares so deeply.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Jann,

 

Thanks to much for your post. My prayers go out to your daughter. I think I will try to get my son to take some 5htp and EFA's to see if we can address things from that point. I am on an impressive cocktail of thyroid meds and supplements to combat my illnesses (SAD, thyroid, PMDD and adrenal problems.)

[Sophia]

:grouphug:

My ds is also a freshman with a fall b-day, who is less than enthusiastic about his education.

He is an extrovert to the nth degree, and although his socialization is often limited as a natural consequence for unfinished work, dh and I are loathe to cut it off entirely because as much as diligence in his studies is not his strength (yet!!), he really does draw energy from being around other people. We believe the Lord will most likely be leading ds to an occupation that will involve lots of people :D.

Meanwhile, we have told him if he ends up taking five years to complete high school, then so be it.

We're not going anywhere, and either will he if he doesn't get his act together.

 

To help him get a vision, we are trying to expose him to different activities that may serve to motivate him, for instance he recently attended Communicator's for Christ Master's conference in Texas, an event which has its share of overachievers :D.

 

So maybe it's a matter of giving him something to work to...help him see what the point is in getting an education. Is he ready to accept the limits he'll be putting on himself if he doesn't persevere?

Sending him to school won't make a difference if he doesn't care, y'know?

Kids fall behind in school just as much as they do at home (ask me how I know:D)

 

Anyway, don't let him suck up too much of your time for your own sanity's sake. It just reinforced bad habits over here.

Sorry if this is choppy, hope something was helpful.

At least you know you're not alone!

God bless,

[LizzyBee]

You have my prayers. My 12 yo who does very little schoolwork independently and is slow as molasses was recently evaluated by an EdPsych. She is mildly dyslexic, and she has a slow processing speed, a visual-motor integration weakness, and a weakness with a certain type of reasoning skill (deductive, I think?). Yet her IQ is high average. Based on her intelligence, it seems as though she could be a straight A student, but she is not. I have talked to numerous moms who thought their kids were being lazy or defiant, only to discover underlying learning problems. Is this possibly the case with your son? I will be praying for you because I know how hard it is for me to be patient with my dd some days, even when I know she's doing the best she can.

[KatieJ]

OH wow. I so understand. I have BTDT.

 

He is now 20 and trying to figure out how to pay for college cuz we quit paying when he failed his math class for the 2nd time. Math is his strongest area , he just dind't want to do the work they way the professor wanted it done. (Smart slacker, I love that!) The consequences are huge and he realizes it now.

OTOH... has worked for over a year, full time and is doing well there..being promoted to Manager. But now he knows it is time to head back to college and the bills are his this time.

 

I hang to the vision I have of him beingn a wonderful, responsible grown man. I know he will get there. But the ride is bumpy.

 

Pray and pray more, for yourself, and him. Don't let him suck you into his vortex. This is his life and you can't drag him thru it.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Thank you all for your prayers and words of support. It means a lot to me to know that I am not the only one with a smart slacker (love that phrase.) It's not that he doesn't care - he just can't seem to stay on task. He gets really down about it. This was never that much of an issue until this year. I think I need to find a way to create more structure around here. Difficult to do with my issues. DH tries, but his way makes me very tense - barking out orders, rather than helping ds create structure. Funny because dh is not a gruff person as a rule.

[muffinmom]

So sorry for your struggle! :grouphug::grouphug:

 

This may have no relevance here (keep in mind I have only small children and haven't yet been down this road), but does he have something he feels he's good at? I have a friend who has a boy that sounds very similar to what you describe (he's a couple of years younger). He has been a nonstop struggle for them for years. Nothing seemed to motivate him. But then he took electric guitar lessons and suddenly he was excited about something, felt he could be good at it...he sort of found his niche. And with that niche brought him friends with whom he now shared a common interest. His whole outlook seemed to perk up.

[Chris in VA]

You have my prayers.

 

As someone with depression (now managed w/o meds, but meds were a factor for years), I just wanted to say that sometimes, I just wanted things to stop. Just

Stop.

 

He hasn't had a break, he is constantly behind, every morning he wakes up knowing he isn't going to catch up today and will be behind yet again. Every morning he has to face his life, which is full of anxiety because he is always behind. He doesn't have your approval, he is constantly told he is not doing enough, etc, etc.

 

I'd like to offer a radical solution. Give him a break. Give him a week off. A whole week, where he can rest, rejuvenate, be OK instead of being behind and not good enough. I'm not saying you are wrong, I'm not saying you are harping on him or being a bad mom--not at all. But I really feel he needs someone to stop the not-so-merry Merry-Go-Round, so he can start fresh.

 

I would re-evaluate your goals for him. Slow down the track, so he can be on target, with new goals--yes, adjust the goal instead of making him (futilely) try to adjust to the former goal. Help him get his depression under control. Help him reorganize. Is he ADD prone? He may have too much on his plate--I know, we never want academics to go by the wayside, because so much depends upon getting into the right college or getting the scholarship to the college or passing the SAT 2's or whatever.

 

Slow down. Reassess. Get off the treadmill. He's 15, not yet a man, still needs you, but beginning to separate, beginning to take responsibility. Perhaps it's too much too soon.

 

And hang in there. Take care of yourself, because being around someone who you know you are causing to feel frustrated and harried and like they are going to blow up can make someone feel guilty and depressed. You can end up feeding off each other in an unhealthy way.

[Carol in Cal.]

I would rather have escaped into a book than anything else you can think of. I didn't ever WANT to do my school work.

 

But at school I had friends, and accountability, and grades, and deadlines.

 

I did everything at the last minute. But I never missed an assignment. And I did get good grades. I would have been ashamed not to.

 

If I had been at home with all my books and my moods and my rather difficult parents and my noisy siblings, I would never have gotten anything done at all.

 

I don't mean to suggest that he should go to school, just that some of what got me going might help him. Deadlines that are absolute. The idea that college is crucial, and that grades really count toward what college you can get into and pay for. Friends who also need to get things done. And an uncluttered environment free of temptation. If his temptation is computer games and books, make him study where those are not. He is not strong enough to resist right now, and who am I to criticize as I sit here reading and typing when I really should go grade DD's math test? Help him to be in a place where success pays, and where he can imagine being done and feeling that huge load come off his mind.

 

And now, off to grade that pesky math test...

[lllll]

I'd like to offer a radical solution. Give him a break. Give him a week off. A whole week, where he can rest, rejuvenate, be OK instead of being behind and not good enough. I'm not saying you are wrong, I'm not saying you are harping on him or being a bad mom--not at all. But I really feel he needs someone to stop the not-so-merry Merry-Go-Round, so he can start fresh.

 

:iagree:I was thinking something along the same lines as Chris here. Only the first thing that popped into my head was for you to stop talking. It's hard to explain what I mean by that. But imagine you're upset about something and things keep piling up and up and up (like Chris said), and everyone around you is talking, talking, talking at you ... to you ... about you (and your 'problems'). What would help you the most?? Quiet. Absolutely perfect quiet. The kind of quiet where you can actually hear the thoughts going through your head. Maybe he just needs some of that kind of quiet.

 

Praying for your son and your family.

[HollyinNNV]

You mention that he is in counseling for depression. I think a symptom of depression is an inability to concentrate. I wonder if meds for the depression would help his schoolwork?

Holly

[dirty ethel rackham]

We absolutely will not do meds except as a very, very last resort. I had a bad experience with meds (one made me fat, but didn't address the depression, the other made me suicidal and nearly dillusional.) They have not been very well tested in teens and they make me nervous.

[Mandy in TN]

He hasn't had a break, he is constantly behind, every morning he wakes up knowing he isn't going to catch up today and will be behind yet again. Every morning he has to face his life, which is full of anxiety because he is always behind. He doesn't have your approval, he is constantly told he is not doing enough, etc, etc.

 

I'd like to offer a radical solution. Give him a break. Give him a week off. A whole week, where he can rest, rejuvenate, be OK instead of being behind and not good enough. I'm not saying you are wrong, I'm not saying you are harping on him or being a bad mom--not at all. But I really feel he needs someone to stop the not-so-merry Merry-Go-Round, so he can start fresh.

 

I would re-evaluate your goals for him. Slow down the track, so he can be on target, with new goals--yes, adjust the goal instead of making him (futilely) try to adjust to the former goal. Help him get his depression under control. Help him reorganize. Is he ADD prone? He may have too much on his plate--I know, we never want academics to go by the wayside, because so much depends upon getting into the right college or getting the scholarship to the college or passing the SAT 2's or whatever.

 

Slow down. Reassess. Get off the treadmill. He's 15, not yet a man, still needs you, but beginning to separate, beginning to take responsibility. Perhaps it's too much too soon.

 

And hang in there. Take care of yourself, because being around someone who you know you are causing to feel frustrated and harried and like they are going to blow up can make someone feel guilty and depressed. You can end up feeding off each other in an unhealthy way.

 

:iagree:

1. Foreign Language- Wheelock's

2. Science- Honors Chem - NW GL

3. Math- NEM 2

4. Languages Arts- Write Guide

TC's Masterp. of the Imaginitive Mind

Abeka G & C III

5. History- TC's History of the 20th C.

6. Elective- Art club

7. Drivers' Ed

lots o' books

scouts

Karate

Therapy

And in front of the piano teacher- does that mean he takes piano, too?

Egads! I am with Chris. Give the kid a break. I assure you- this child is not behind what is expected of a freshman. He could take two years to finish his freshman course load and he still wouldn’t be behind.

If you keep his schedule so full that he can’t stop to smell the roses, then not only is he learning to hate education (and maybe even himself) he is also not learning how to manage his time- primarily because he has no free time that is his to manage!

 

Mandy

[Ottakee]

I was going to suggest meds as they are very effective here but see that you would like to avoid that.

 

Has he had his thyroid checked? That is one thing our pdoc checks for my girls.

 

You might check out http://www.omegabrite.com My girls take 3 of these per day and it really helps. They still need meds but for some people it makes all of the difference in the world.

 

We absolutely will not do meds except as a very, very last resort. I had a bad experience with meds (one made me fat, but didn't address the depression, the other made me suicidal and nearly dillusional.) They have not been very well tested in teens and they make me nervous.

[Harriet Vane]

We absolutely will not do meds except as a very, very last resort. I had a bad experience with meds (one made me fat, but didn't address the depression, the other made me suicidal and nearly dillusional.) They have not been very well tested in teens and they make me nervous.

 

Did he have a full blood panel? Is he anemic?

 

Also, have you considered a light box for him (and for you)?

 

I have found both iron supplements and my light box to have added unbelievable energy to my life.

 

Sorry it's so hard.

 

:grouphug:

[hsingscrapper]

What if you took a CM approach with him? If he loves to read, maybe you can use that to your advantage? You can use literature for just about everything save for math and hands-on chemistry and physics.

 

I've taken to writing up a sheet of everything I want to get done with my ds9 and told him that if he got everything done, save for his spelling test, by dinner time on Thursday, that he could stay up until 12 or 1. He may get to sleep in the next morning but he doesn't get zip in the way of privileges until the spelling test (and any wrong words written out) gets done.

 

You'd still probably need formal books for math, spelling/vocabulary, and grammar but would it work? Or am I just crazy and babbling?

 

Heidi

[Lizzie in Ma]

I was just going to post something supportive and send hugs your way.

But I wanted to add, having read the thread, that this is a board full of amazing women. I really resonated with Chris's idea to give him a break. My 12 year old dd, has had medical issues all year and she keeps getting behind.

I didn't realize how frustrated she was with the lack of diagnosis, continued Dr. appointments and just not feeling well all the time. She had a total meltdown two weeks before Christmas and we were just sitting on the floor crying and I said "how about a break?".

You should have seen her face.

We took a three week break. I re-evaluated where she was and where she needs to be and took Latin off her plate until next semester. I replaced it with Greek Morphemes, equally valuable, not as time intensive.

We had a several lovely long talks during that time and I was blessed with an understanding of how she was struggling. We are back in full swing but we adjust for her illness. Yesterday she made it through the morning but them napped for 3 hours. So, school went well into the evening, but that was ok.

I hope and pray you will find a way that works for both you and your son.

:grouphug::grouphug:

[3lilreds in NC]

:grouphug: I have nothing helpful, sweetie, but I will be praying.

 

ETA: Only one thought, it just occurred to me. Could you set a timer for him? Say, "Here, son, you will work on your chemistry for 20 minutes. When the timer goes off, you can take a break." I know he's older; this does help mine. Maybe if there is a set time, he could keep himself on task. I *know* it helps me when I have to do something I'd rather not.

[Lovedtodeath]

My middle dd suffers from a thyroid disorder and while that is pretty easy to stay up with the resulting depression is NOT.

 

When a child (or adult) suffers from clinical depression discipline RARELY works--most of the time it makes things worse. Isolating him from his peers would most likely INCREASE his depression. Talking it out (in serious therapy) may work--talking it out 'parent to child' most likely would not.

 

 

:grouphug: It is so tough to know what to do as a parent. I really encourage you to look for a biological source to this problem. When I was in school it took me all day to do my homework. ALL DAY! I would miss our religious meetings and be up past bed time. One thing that helped me stay on task as a home-schooled teen was putting on a favorite album or movie (that I had seen so many times it was less distracting) and work on one school subject for a whole day or two, then switch to the next.

 

As an adult I have discovered that I have ADD, thyroid disorder, and depression. There are many natural ways of dealing with this. Vit. D and Fish Oil have helped me the most, then comes Armour Thyroid. Now I am trying raw cocoa. I still struggle to accomplish much. It is like I am always lonely, so I don't want to do anything other than type on here or talk on the phone. I learn more and more about ways that these problems manifest themselves and ways to deal with them all the time.

 

Then I struggle with DD and her SPD and ADHD and when to be hard on her and when to be soft, so I know where you are coming from. She was crying about her socks the other day and DH said that she had to put her shoes on and get out the door (she always makes me late). She did and she soon forgot about her socks. Softy Mommy was looking for different ones. I know it is hard!

 

Another thing that sometimes helps me is Bible study on the theme of hard work, laziness, etc. God's word is alive and exerts power.

 

Hang in there! :grouphug:

Edited January 27, 2009 by Lovedtodeath

[Mom2boys]

:ack2:Please keep ds15 and me in your prayers. I am at the end of my rope with him. He is a super smart kid who just CAN'T finish his work. He is academic ally capable of high A's in everything, but can't manage his work. We have struggled with him being behind all year. We basically did not take a Christmas break because he was so behind. He is taking two outside classes (Latin and Chemistry.) I thought we were starting January on a new foot because we worked so hard to catch up. Now he is behind AGAIN.

 

I am barely getting stuff done with my other two because my oldest takes ALL of my time to keep him on task. We just don't have many priveledges to take away because almost everything he does accomplishes a school or personal growth goal. He is having social difficulties, so I am reluctant to drop all activities that involve others, because they seem to motivate him.

In Chemistry - he is a month behind. It is getting challenging - not academically beyond him, but requires work. He is a week behind in Latin. He is a year behind where he should be in Math. He was a semester behind, so I thought, until I caught him cheating with the answer key so I made him start over from the beginning.

 

He is not a bad kid, but just doesn't want to grow up. He is an older freshman as he has a fall birthday. I am just so frustrated. He is in counseling for depression, but I have not seen an improvement in his work. It seems that any time I leave him to work with his siblings, he just doesn't get time off. Other than his online classes, he gets no computer time. He doesn't get any TV time. His other "avoidance" thing is reading.

 

Dh wants to send him to school, but that would be a disaster socially. He is the absent minded professor who has always struggled socially.

 

 

I'm no expert, but it sounds like he has ADD. Has he ever been evaluated for that?

[katemary63]

I'm sorry your going though a tough time. I can relate quite a bit. I have a wonderful, sweet, smart daughter who had a hard time last year focusing on her work. I also caught her cheating on her geometry. I started her back at the beginning and she is almost done with the book now. I just had to get much more involved with her, keep the answer keys in my room, correct things everyday to see that she was keeping up. She is not a bad kid, she just got overwhelmed and at the end of the day, when she had daydreamed away too much time - didn't know what to do, so she cheated. We delt with it and she did have to face the consequences that included even more daily work now to catch up to where she could graduate. But she's done it and is in community college now, finishing her senior year and doing great. I thought it was the end of the world when she was behind, but it wasn't. She caught up and things are fine. Another thought is, if he had to take another year for school - so what. Not everyone has to graduate on a certain timeline. It is just his consequence. It my DD had not caught up with her work, that is what we were going to do - Just take another year. I just wanted you to realize that even good kids cheat sometimes, they are young, they make bad choices, we have to help them through it. Good luck and God bless.

[Guest janainaz]

No words of advice here. Mine is only in 3rd grade and I have my days with him - and he seems to be my easy one academically.

 

In my heart I know somehow they survive and they do grow up. I think the teen years are just difficult in many ways and even now, I'm trying to prepare my own heart to be ready for those obstacles. I've got my agenda and my own personality issues and sometimes that just does not mix with parenting and connecting with the heart/mind place of your kids. They can't always see what you see, they don't understand a parents concern for them to do what needs to be done to make it in this tough world. We know how hard it is and we know why, but for them it's getting through from day-to-day quite often.

 

I'm very dramatic about life and the future sometimes and things I'm worried about seem so "big". In the reality of life - education is not what life is about. There is more to life than that. You can only do what you can do, but I would not let all those things get in between the love of you and your son. He's a person with a heart. :001_smile: