Would you take up for a stranger??? (some CC)

[Tree House Academy]

I have always wondered what my answer to this same question would be. I mean, I could always say, "of course I would," but then I thought...would I really...when it came right down to it...

 

Today I was returning a calendar to a drug store. I stood in line for a moment and then started talking with the cashier whom I have known for some time (just from seeing her there). We chatted as she called for a manager to approve the return and I noticed the woman behind me moved to the other line. The cashier in the other line was a young girl - probably still a teenager and very new. She is quiet and shy and very, very nice as she was my cashier yesterday when I purchased the calendar I was returning.

 

So, as I stood talking to my cashier, the woman who had moved line got up to the front of her line (new girl's line). The woman was in her mid to late 60's and the first thing out of her mouth was, "YOU NEED TO MOVE FASTER! No, I am serious...she (points at my cashier) did 6 people and you did 2...I have no idea why they would hire someone so slow." The poor little girl got a terrible look on her face. She kind of whispered, "I'm sorry," as her face reddened and tears just started to roll down her cheeks.

 

All the while, there I stood, getting more and more and more angry with this rude woman. When my cashier finished with me, I just could not hold my tongue anymore. I walked up to the woman and asked her if she knew why this young lady was crying (I had my 5 year old with me and this definitely wasn't some white trash type confrontation...I was speaking very calmly and quietly). She looked around, obviously in lala land and said, "who?" I said, "this lady...the one you were so rude to just a moment ago." She told me it was none of my business. I told her that when I witnessed something so terrible out in the open like that, it became my business. I told her that the girl was new, she was learning, and that she was doing the best she could. I asked her if she needed to belittle others to make herself feel better in life. Then she told me that she didn't need to hear this from me. I replied that this cashier had not needed to hear her rude comments either. Then I turned to the girl and told her that she was doing a great job and to please not listen to the opinion of this woman as it is obvious she needs something more in her life. Then I turned to the woman and simply said, "I'll pray for you." And walked out.

 

I shook for at least 10 minutes after it happened. I was just so mad. This poor girl did NOT deserve that. And then I did pray for the woman...and for the young girl. Bless her heart.

 

Would you have done the same???

[Serendipity]

Yes, in a heartbeat. I've stood up for strangers before. I always shake afterward because I dislike confrontation intensely, but not more than I dislike whatever I'm confronting. KWIM?

 

Goooooooo YOU! That young girl will never forget you for standing up for her.

 

:)

[OnTheBrink]

Yes, and I've done it in the past, too. Once, on the metro in DC, a young woman was sitting in her seat and a bunch of guys were sitting nearby, making crude, sexual comments about her and she was about to cry. I got up and went over to where she was sitting and sat by her. I turned and looked back at the guys, giving them my best, "Don't even think about it" look (which I'm told is quite the formidable expression). They got off at the next stop.

 

I can't stand to see someone mistreated like that. Especially people ganging up on others or rude old hags taking out their misery on young, inexperienced clerks.

[MomOfOneFunOne]

Yes, alone, I would. I was once at the grocery (whole foods) and ordering at the deli. A man came up next to me also to order from the deli. The girl asked if she could help him. He said, "What?" She repeated herself (in perfectly understandable English -- but so what if it hadn't been). In an absurd affected accent that was obviously designed to mock her he said something like, "You don't speak no good English." and then very ludicrously bowed to her (she was of Asian extraction). I did comment telling him that he shamed his entire country, his race, and all of Christendom. I then went to the manager to tell him about it and to point out the awful offender. The manager told me, essentially, that there was nothing he could do about it but someone else there (assistant manager?) approached him and told him that they would prefer their employees be treated with more respect. I think she got fired b/c I never saw her there again. I don't know why I think she got fired -- I guess it just kind of fits with the melodramatic nature of the story. It would be better to think that the mgr didn't back her up and she told him to . . .

 

However, if I were with my little one I might think twice. There are some crazy people out there. On the other hand I can see how I wouldn't be able to control myself. I hope I would, though. Either way, whether I said anything to the offender or not, I would speak to the victim.

[Tree House Academy]

Yes, I think that saying something to the girl who was crying may have been even more tactful and just having ignored the older lady entirely. That probably would have made more of a statement to the rude lady than anything I said.

[beansprouts]

I wish I could say I would have, I applaud you for doing it, it is just not in my nature to be confrontational.

 

What I probably would have done is give the cashier a smile, an apology for the other woman's rudeness, and a word of encouragement.

[Parrothead]

I have and would do so again.

 

I love that you stood up to the rude lady.

[RebeccaS]

oh.my.word. I don't know if I would have had the guts to do it (I hate confrontation) but I applaud you. That poor, poor girl.:crying:

[FO4UR]

I would probably not have spoken to the rude lady.

 

I would say something to the cashier to the effect that the comments were unwarranted. I would also try and speak to her superior and tell him/her how well she controlled herself in the face of such a belligerent customer, AND mention that you will continue to shop there in part b/c of the warm and sensible cashier.

[melissel]

GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I'm tearing up now as I type this. I witnessed something similar a few years ago (young cashier, rude to an older woman checking out) and didn't say anything. I've sorely regretted not saying something every single time I've thought of it since then, and vowed never to let it happen again. My main problem, though, is that when my blood starts to boil, I get totally tongue tied and can barely form a coherent sentence! I only hope that when my turn comes to stand up for someone again, I'll be able to do as well as you did.

 

But I totally think you did the right thing, and I do believe something needs to be said to people who do that, because they're so in their own world, they'll never learn otherwise. Maybe the next time she's tempted to do that to someone else, she'll remember your words and realize that not everyone is obnoxious as she is, so maybe she should keep her mouth shut.

 

Oooh, can you tell I'm angry on that poor girl's behalf??? :lol:

[Heather in Neverland]

I have always wondered what my answer to this same question would be. I mean, I could always say, "of course I would," but then I thought...would I really...when it came right down to it...

 

Today I was returning a calendar to a drug store. I stood in line for a moment and then started talking with the cashier whom I have known for some time (just from seeing her there). We chatted as she called for a manager to approve the return and I noticed the woman behind me moved to the other line. The cashier in the other line was a young girl - probably still a teenager and very new. She is quiet and shy and very, very nice as she was my cashier yesterday when I purchased the calendar I was returning.

 

So, as I stood talking to my cashier, the woman who had moved line got up to the front of her line (new girl's line). The woman was in her mid to late 60's and the first thing out of her mouth was, "YOU NEED TO MOVE FASTER! No, I am serious...she (points at my cashier) did 6 people and you did 2...I have no idea why they would hire someone so slow." The poor little girl got a terrible look on her face. She kind of whispered, "I'm sorry," as her face reddened and tears just started to roll down her cheeks.

 

All the while, there I stood, getting more and more and more angry with this rude woman. When my cashier finished with me, I just could not hold my tongue anymore. I walked up to the woman and asked her if she knew why this young lady was crying (I had my 5 year old with me and this definitely wasn't some white trash type confrontation...I was speaking very calmly and quietly). She looked around, obviously in lala land and said, "who?" I said, "this lady...the one you were so rude to just a moment ago." She told me it was none of my business. I told her that when I witnessed something so terrible out in the open like that, it became my business. I told her that the girl was new, she was learning, and that she was doing the best she could. I asked her if she needed to belittle others to make herself feel better in life. Then she told me that she didn't need to hear this from me. I replied that this cashier had not needed to hear her rude comments either. Then I turned to the girl and told her that she was doing a great job and to please not listen to the opinion of this woman as it is obvious she needs something more in her life. Then I turned to the woman and simply said, "I'll pray for you." And walked out.

 

I shook for at least 10 minutes after it happened. I was just so mad. This poor girl did NOT deserve that. And then I did pray for the woman...and for the young girl. Bless her heart.

 

Would you have done the same???

 

Absolutely. No question.

[Jenny in Florida]

I probably would not have done what you did, especially if I had my kids with me. I'm kind of a wimp about confrontation, although I will do it when necessary.

 

What I likely would have done in the same situation is to speak kindly to the cashier, ideally loudly enough for the other customers and the "offender" to hear. I would have told her how sorry I was that the other person was so rude to her and tried to say something silly to make her smile.

[Tree House Academy]

I wasn't actually in a position to speak with the cashier directly based on the way we were standing (had I not walked over and began talking to the rude woman in the front of the line). I was on the other side being helped by one cashier while this cashier was helping the older lady. There was a person that stepped in line behind the older lady shortly before I finished, so I couldn't really just get in line and speak with her. It is kind of hard to explain.

 

I did, however, just put a call in to the manager and let them know that the girl handled herself really well and make sure the older lady had not complained about her to them...basically making sure they had the full story just incase.

[Nakia]

I wish I could say I would have, I applaud you for doing it, it is just not in my nature to be confrontational.

 

What I probably would have done is give the cashier a smile, an apology for the other woman's rudeness, and a word of encouragement.

 

Me too. I wish I were better about this kind of thing, but I'm just not. Good for you though!

[Brindee]

I've been in that cashier's situation--I AM slow, even when I know what I'm doing, but efficient. It doesn't help to have someone point it out to me, just gets me more flustered! But this guy decided that I was a terrible person and started actually yelling at me! I worked to finish his order, without responding at all, except to say "I'm sorry it has taken longer than you wish it would!" I had tears rolling down my face too, and he just didn't quit. My manager was right there though, and told the guy that they prefer to encourage people, as opposed to putting them down. That usually gets the better results---he should try it sometime! Then she got someone else to take over my place, took me back into the back room, and told me they appreciated my work, I was very sensible to not react to him, that maybe I COULD be a bit faster, but it's more important to be accurate--which she knew I was! I almost cried more when she was so supportive! :)

 

That happened at the McDonald's I worked at when I was 17, and I haven't forgotten her kind reaction--to him AND to me!

 

Personally, I'm very glad you let the cashier know you appreciated her! Based on what happened to me, I know it meant the world to her! I can't say what I would've done. If I didn't have the nerve to confront the lady, I DEFINITELY would've said something to the cashier!

 

From that cashier and my 17yo self--THANKYOU! :)

Edited December 31, 2008 by Brindee

[Tree House Academy]

:) My husband is a slow and patient and shy person and my 5 year old is as well. I can see them in that cashier and maybe that is part of why it rubbed me so wrong.

 

I told my friend that I met for lunch just after the incident that even if the rude woman never listened to a word I said, I hoped the cashier did and that she was able to let the woman just roll off her back.

[pqr]

Absolutely.

 

I will, however, make a request of the readers. Lets not insult all the true ladies out there. The elderly woman was just that a woman, she could not by any stretch of the imagination be called a lady. A lady is something fine, gentle and civil, the woman you described does not fit the definition. Rather than fall for the common or PC definition that by virtue of their gender all women are ladies lets call them what they are. (Sorry this is just one of my pet peeves)

Edited December 31, 2008 by pqr

[2cents]

:hurray:

 

I'm so glad you took a stand and told that gal what she needed to hear! Bravo!

[Desert Rat]

Yes, I've defended others in that situation. I feel it almost a necessity to make sure a rude person understands he/she is being rude or thoughtless. Sometimes, I really think people don't know what they say is wrong. I hate confrontation with a passion and shake for a long time afterward but I'm always proud of myself for saying something.

FWIW, I would refrain from saying anything in an environment that was not safe, say a quiet shop or a parking lot. I'm not crazy! :o

[PiCO]

Good for you!

 

Yes, I would do that and I have done it before. More people need to be unaccepting of rude behavior.

 

On a side note,

Anyone remember that great line from Lonesome Dove? Call goes crazy on a guy for quirting a young cowboy. When Call calms down and sees the crowd of families staring at him, he says,"I just can't stand rude behavior. I won't tolerate it." Understatement of the day!

[Rosie_0801]

Most of my regrets in life come from my being wussy, so yeah I usually will stand up for other people if I think it needs doing. I do hold my tongue when the situation is between parent and child though. I still remember incidents from years ago when I wish I hadn't had to!

 

Rosie

[Snickerdoodle]

If you feel like you need practice at sticking up for yourself or others go visit NYC. There are plenty of opportunities.

[LisaKinVA]

Yes... I have done what you did, ever since I was in grammar school. Even if it meant taking on someone older and bigger (maybe it was having all of those brothers -- I wasn't scared of getting into a scuffle :D, if it meant standing up for someone who was being mal-treated).

 

I'm also trying to instill this trait in my children. It's not always easy, nor is it fun -- but it is right.

 

Kudos to you.

[BabyBre]

 

Would you have done the same???

 

 

No, I'm sure I wouldn't have had the courage in that situation! I applaud you!

 

I most likely would have said something or made some gesture to the young cashier in a comparatively weak attempt to reassure her, but an all-out confrontation with my young child by my side? No, I don't think I would have been able to do that.

 

Good for you!

 

:hurray:

[Zelda]

No, I wouldn't have but I probably would have been delighted to watch you do it.

 

I'm in the category that would have made some kind of comment to the cashier in hopes of being comforting.

[Vida Winter]

I honestly don't know what I would done in this situation but I can tell you one thing - I slipped and fell on an icy sidewalk today when I was in town and several strangers were there to help me. I know it is not the same scenario but in as much pain I was in I felt good knowing that people cared.

 

I probably wouldn't have spoken to the rude woman but instead the young girl. It takes too much out of me to confront rude people and deep down you never know what they will do.

[mommaduck]

Yep, and good for you!!

[lmrich]

You are a heroine! Way to go. Sometimes I have the nerve to do what you did and othertimes I regret that I didn't speak up.

[chaik76]

Absolutely. You did the right thing. I've done it before, too (especially as I've been in positions like that before!). I always shake afterwards, but I'm always glad I've done it.

[LadyR]

This thread brought back a memory of when I was working at a retail clothing store in the mall nearly 20 years ago. It brings pain to my heart and tears to my eyes whenever I remember. I was working the cash register when a customer came up with her purchases. She had children with her - a few girls and one boy who was the youngest. He looked about 7 years old. He was doing nothing wrong, just standing by her the whole time. Yet she was verbally abusing this child like I have never seen before. It was awful. I can't remember all that she was saying, but I was so shocked that I felt myself go numb and my mind was racing to figure out what I should say or do. She was ridiculing him in front of everyone, expressing how much she hated him being with her. The one thing I remember her saying was that he should be ashamed that he was out shopping with GIRLS, and then called him GIRL. He was beautiful with a sad, sullen expression that made me think this ridicule and abuse was not new to him. I looked directly at him and said something kind to him and he looked up at me with a smile that was both happy and surprised that someone thought he was a good and handsome boy. Then the mother started at him again and his countenance fell again. They left and all I could think of was running after him and grabbing him and taking him to the police. I knew that wouldn't fly. Would my manager be upset if I left my register and followed them? (Yes.) So then I tried to grab the corner of the check that I put into the cash register so I could get their address but I couldn't reach it. What would I do with it anyway? Did I have grounds to report her? Questions ran through my mind while more customers came to my register. I was numb and fighting back tears and I never did anything. I still pray for that boy whenever I think of him. I know he's a man now. I hope he grew up safely. I still cry over the fact that I wasn't able to help that little boy.

Edited January 1, 2009 by LadyNancy

[Tree House Academy]

That is heartbreaking! What a tough situation you were in there. :(

 

I knew that the cashier really couldn't have said anything back. If I were her, I would have said, "Well, what wonderful advice. Gosh, what would I do without customers like YOU. And you just have a Happy New Year yourself."

 

My mom has been in retail management her entire life until recently. She has been treated so poorly and so rudely by the public that it is just insane. She has been called names, lunged at from across a counter, yelled at, threatened, and so on. I am sure that weighed on my mind and made this situation strike a cord with me as well.

 

It goes both ways though...one day I was out with my kids at the mall and we went by the cookie place to get a cookie and a coke. The cashier was not necessarily friendly, but who cares. As we were starting to leave, my oldest son looked at her and asked if he could put his straw paper in this little tiny trash can looking thing on the counter. Of course, he didn't know if it was a trash can or not...most people don't put them up on counters, so I thought it was polite of him to ask. The cashier looked down at him, rolled her eyes and said, "duh stupid...it's a trash can." OMG it was all my dh could do to hold me back. It really would have been a white trash moment! You can mess with me, but, whatever you do...DON'T mess with my kids! Ever!

[melissel]

However, if I were with my little one I might think twice.

 

I probably would not have done what you did, especially if I had my kids with me.

 

I most likely would have said something or made some gesture to the young cashier in a comparatively weak attempt to reassure her, but an all-out confrontation with my young child by my side? No, I don't think I would have been able to do that.

 

Isn't this when it's most important, though? Don't we all hope our children will have the courage to speak up for those who need it? I don't think I could stand by and NOT say something if my girls were there hearing and seeing that with me. Though, actually, I don't think I'd have to. I think my DD6 would step right in front of me and do it herself, LOL!

[KidsHappen]

In the situation you described yes, absolutely. I am also by nature non-confrontational but I have no problem speaking up in a situation like that. I have also had to deal with some really rough situations as a retail manager, some involving physical force, security and even the police. I have stood up to men who were twice my weight and a foot taller than I am. I become especially fierce when standing up for children and my employees. However, I have learned not to become involved in domestic violence issues or situations where the offender looks or acts drunk or drugged. I have two previous police officers in the family and know that this is a place where even police fear to tread.

 

I say good for you and I wish more people would do the same. :hurray:

[Zelda]

Isn't this when it's most important, though? Don't we all hope our children will have the courage to speak up for those who need it? I don't think I could stand by and NOT say something if my girls were there hearing and seeing that with me. Though, actually, I don't think I'd have to. I think my DD6 would step right in front of me and do it herself, LOL!

 

I don't think its my responsibility to police the behavior of others. In this case the victim could have spoken for herself and for reasons known only to her chose not to. I would try to make her feel better in that moment but would direct none of my attention toward the offender.