Could you live like this scenario

[marbel]

Yeah with 5 kids, you need a dishwasher!  Also you and your husband should have resale value in the back of your minds. I know you may be thinking that you'll live there forever, but things often change unexpectedly. Also good to think about aging in place as well.

[freesia]

3 hours ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Thank you all for weighing in. I just want to say again, I love my husband dearly. I think he is a great and hardworking man. I have nothing against my in laws or their house. I’m excited at the idea of moving there. I just know a floor, working windows and possibly a dishwasher are a must. Thanks for confirming everything I was thinking. My dad has always been the type to want things done, right and he has always been wanted them done NOW. He never takes pride in diy, he just takes pride in the end result no matter who did it and I’m the same way. Dh’s dad was always one who could do anything and dh think he has to also. Dh’s dad worked there on the farm though and dh is away 12 hrs a day 5 days a week. I wish he could see the difference. I wish he could see that it’s ok to spend money and it’s ok to want and have nice things.

I want to affirm that I totally get you on this. My dh grew up poor—with his parents building the house over the years. Especially when he is stressed, he can get just like your dh. He would absolutely want to use those planks. I really get your struggle with loving him and wanting to support him in general, but struggling with this argument. For me, dh’s conservative approach to money is a reason I’ve been able to stay home all these years and homeschool. I love that about him. Sometimes it takes awhile for me to get through about it being ok to spend money on things. Sometimes his anxiety gets in the way (it’s not anxiety in the way it’s noticeable to others. But my dad grew up poor during the depression so it’s a familiar anxiety for me.) I have to gently remind him that we do have the money. We are not in debt. We have savings. I have had to insist on things sometimes and over the years he has relaxed. Like I said up thread, the windows are non-negotiable. Idk what I’d do about the floors but it sounds like unfinished poplar would be a mess. Could you send him links? Could you show him the problem at the house with the parts that are laid?

Anyway, I’m not saying much new, just that I get that a really great dh can struggle with these things. It doesn’t mean they are controlling jerks. It just often means they have some money anxiety. Supporting a large family on one salary is a big responsibility.  ❤️

[livetoread]

Yes, if it was me, I wouldn't move until windows are functioning and flooring is in. The type of flooring might be where some compromise could happen. I'd try and figure out just how important the poplar is to my dh, and if he says a lot, then I might try and live with the ugly floors so long as they were completely done before we moved in (realizing that might mean years before we moved). I think coming up with some other uses for the wood is a great idea, especially something that could be taken with you if you move. Maybe dh would feel better if the wood was used for something important so it wasn't wasted. I absolutely wouldn't budge on the windows and flooring though, and if he realizes he's not getting into that house until the flooring is done, maybe he'd be more realistic about other flooring.

We redid all the flooring in our 2500sf house ourselves (LVP) and it took us a couple of years working mostly just on weekends. We probably could have knocked it all out in about three to four weeks of working steadily. A professional might have taken two or even less if the floor prep was less than we had to do.

[Elizabeth86]

1 hour ago, freesia said:

I want to affirm that I totally get you on this. My dh grew up poor—with his parents building the house over the years. Especially when he is stressed, he can get just like your dh. He would absolutely want to use those planks. I really get your struggle with loving him and wanting to support him in general, but struggling with this argument. For me, dh’s conservative approach to money is a reason I’ve been able to stay home all these years and homeschool. I love that about him. Sometimes it takes awhile for me to get through about it being ok to spend money on things. Sometimes his anxiety gets in the way (it’s not anxiety in the way it’s noticeable to others. But my dad grew up poor during the depression so it’s a familiar anxiety for me.) I have to gently remind him that we do have the money. We are not in debt. We have savings. I have had to insist on things sometimes and over the years he has relaxed. Like I said up thread, the windows are non-negotiable. Idk what I’d do about the floors but it sounds like unfinished poplar would be a mess. Could you send him links? Could you show him the problem at the house with the parts that are laid?

Anyway, I’m not saying much new, just that I get that a really great dh can struggle with these things. It doesn’t mean they are controlling jerks. It just often means they have some money anxiety. Supporting a large family on one salary is a big responsibility.  ❤️

Glad you understand! The funny thing is is that dh’s parents were not poor. They were just very very very frugal. For instance, he wasn’t allowed cheese on his hamburger at McDonald’s because it was however many cents more. My parents both grew up poor as dirt. My mom was often on a farm and they had good food, but not much more. My dad many times ate groundhogs, rabbits, whatever they could hunt. He lived in a car at times. My dad has always wanted the very best he could afford but reasonable too. He hated being poor and he just wants to be comfortable. He isn’t trying to be the richest man in the graveyard. Dh’s parents honestly probably had a lot more than my parents did.  Yes, my dh’s conservative nature has allowed me to stay home and I’m thankful for that. We have 3 decent paid for vehicles, we get to eat well, take vacations. To be completely transparent out mortgage is tiny. Like you couldn’t get a mortgage that low today or rent anything. So yes I’m SO thankful for him. I just think it’s a shame that his parents didn’t get to live in a nice finished house. I don’t want him to spend the the next 20 years or whatever   working on projects with no end in sight. There are endless projects, but I’ve only mentioned my deal breakers. 

[wintermom]

22 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

 I don’t want him to spend the the next 20 years or whatever   working on projects with no end in sight. There are endless projects, but I’ve only mentioned my deal breakers. 

You could simply ask him and yourself, "Between now and dead, What do I want to do and what do I NOT want to do." If living in a construction zone is a big NO for you, then let him know that. Life is too short, and if you are constantly never getting to live in a space that is "finished" then talk to your dh about how this is impacts your mental health.

BTW, 3 cars sounds like a complete waste of money. That's insurance x3, maintenance x3, and all the additional costs (and money tied up in something that is not a necessity). Sell one and use that as a starter fund for the renos. 

Edited July 16 by wintermom

[scholastica]

2 minutes ago, wintermom said:

BTW, 3 cars sounds like a complete waste of money. That's insurance x3, maintenance x3, and all the additional costs (and money tied up in something that is not a necessity). Sell one and use that as a starter fund for the renos. 

If I remember correctly, OP is somewhat rural. It’s not unusual for rural families to have 2 cars that get decent gas mileage and then a truck for projects  and such. My parents retired to more land than they had pre-retirement and had a car for each of them and a truck to haul stuff in and out. My mom had huge gardens on the property and they need to bring in large loads of various things. My dad was also a woodworker and worked on really large pieces of furniture for their house. He used it to bring in the large wood he needed for that.

[wintermom]

32 minutes ago, scholastica said:

If I remember correctly, OP is somewhat rural. It’s not unusual for rural families to have 2 cars that get decent gas mileage and then a truck for projects  and such. My parents retired to more land than they had pre-retirement and had a car for each of them and a truck to haul stuff in and out. My mom had huge gardens on the property and they need to bring in large loads of various things. My dad was also a woodworker and worked on really large pieces of furniture for their house. He used it to bring in the large wood he needed for that.

I was under the impressions that the actual acreage was very small, so the 'need' for a utility vehicle for a farm or whatnot doesn't seem likely. It's just another angle to look at when assessing what is actually "needed" and what is "nice to have." Three vehicles for two drivers in a family sounds like a "nice to have" while windows and flooring are "needed."

Edited July 16 by wintermom

[fairfarmhand]

In explaining to my dh, I've said I need 4 things from a home:

Safe

Clean

Peaceful

Pretty

In your situation, safe means windows that are working.

Clean means flooring that is workable and cleanable.

Peaceful means enough space that we aren't on top of each other and there's not constant arguing or peacemaking from me to keep everyone from arguing. (This hasn't always meant a bathroom for everyone, or bedrooms for everyone. This is a reasonable amount of space for reasonable people. Of course, I have 1 or 2 kids who are always cranky about something or other, but I don't feel that my expectations are out of line.)  Peaceful also means to me, that projects are not constantly ongoing. I could not live for longer than a month or so with mess and clutter and junk and half finished projects. Peaceful also means that I have to be able to take care of my family without excessive unnecessary work. (dishwasher!) 

Pretty. For you this needs to be flooring that suits BOTH you and your dh. 

 

For me, in dealing with my dh and his grieving weirdness about dealing with his parent's stuff, I had to emphasize "I'm not the same as your mom. She kept a nice home that SHE liked. I would never have imposed my taste on her, so please don't impose HER taste on me. I'm not saying ----  is hideous, but more that it's just not me." I still ended up with her couch in my living room, but that's the least of what my dh would have held on to had I not over and over again emphasized this point.

 

Over the years my dh has offered up all kinds of crazy situations. Junky old trailers on beautiful acreage, Run down fixer uppers. I think the man could truly live in a cave and be content. (I said that to him once and he said, I think living in a cave would be interesting) But that's not what I want, and I'm not a diva for wanting to live in a comfortable home. 

[Elizabeth86]

1 hour ago, wintermom said:

You could simply ask him and yourself, "Between now and dead, What do I want to do and what do I NOT want to do." If living in a construction zone is a big NO for you, then let him know that. Life is too short, and if you are constantly never getting to live in a space that is "finished" then talk to your dh about how this is impacts your mental health.

BTW, 3 cars sounds like a complete waste of money. That's insurance x3, maintenance x3, and all the additional costs (and money tied up in something that is not a necessity). Sell one and use that as a starter fund for the renos. 

It’s not. My van. Dh’s fuel efficient car. We also need a truck because the winter mountain roads demands 4 wheel drive for dh to get to work, but he saves SO much driving his car most days.

[Elizabeth86]

57 minutes ago, scholastica said:

If I remember correctly, OP is somewhat rural. It’s not unusual for rural families to have 2 cars that get decent gas mileage and then a truck for projects  and such. My parents retired to more land than they had pre-retirement and had a car for each of them and a truck to haul stuff in and out. My mom had huge gardens on the property and they need to bring in large loads of various things. My dad was also a woodworker and worked on really large pieces of furniture for their house. He used it to bring in the large wood he needed for that.

Yea

[Elizabeth86]

13 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

It’s not. My van. Dh’s fuel efficient car. We also need a truck because the winter mountain roads demands 4 wheel drive for dh to get to work, but he saves SO much driving his car most days.

Also, NONE of them are worth over $8,000. My van being the most valuable one and I have to have it

Edited July 16 by Elizabeth86

[freesia]

Insurance differs so much, too. I think we pay 1/3 of what we paid in NY to insure our cars. 

[Elizabeth86]

2 minutes ago, freesia said:

Insurance differs so much, too. I think we pay 1/3 of what we paid in NY to insure our cars. 

Right. I’m not sure but the truck and maybe the car just has liability.

[wintermom]

12 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

It’s not. My van. Dh’s fuel efficient car. We also need a truck because the winter mountain roads demands 4 wheel drive for dh to get to work, but he saves SO much driving his car most days.

That's $8000 value, minus all the costs of owning 1 less vehicle. There are a ton of people in my city driving trucks all year and our gas is way more expensive.

I can see that you are attached to your vehicles, though. Convenience is fine in one part of life, but inconvenience is fine in another part of life. You just choose where your lines are drawn. 

[Elizabeth86]

Just now, wintermom said:

That's $8000 value, minus all the costs of owning 1 less vehicle. There are a ton of people in my city driving trucks all year and our gas is way more expensive.

I can see that you are attached to your vehicles, though. Convenience is fine in one part of life, but inconvenience is fine in another part of life. You just choose where your lines are drawn. 

Not attached. I have to have my van to hold the family. Dh must have 4 wheel drive for winter. He must have a fuel effective car as his commute is a little over 100 miles each way. We have to have these vehicles. He can’t not get to work for a week at a time due to snow or get stuck . He is up and out before most roads are clear l.

[Meriwether]

I just wanted to comment that I hear you when you say your husband is a great guy. I complain about my Dh sometimes (legitmate complaints!) but he is a really great guy. The kids and I are lucky to have him. My Dh isn't a one dimensional character in a book that is summed up by his worst flaws and neither is your Dh.

[livetoread]

1 hour ago, wintermom said:

BTW, 3 cars sounds like a complete waste of money. That's insurance x3, maintenance x3, and all the additional costs (and money tied up in something that is not a necessity). Sell one and use that as a starter fund for the renos. 

It sounds to me like the issue isn't so much that the money isn't there - it's whether to spend it. It has to be worth it for both of them to spend it. Getting even more money doesn't help answer the question of worth.

Both dh and I are frugal, though dh is more so than me, generally. That frugality has paid off really well for us, but now that we can afford much more, we still weigh whether it is worth it to spend on something.

 

[Meriwether]

And I get the vehicle situation, too. We have a big vehicle because we need it to take everyone to church and for the long road trips that we take frequently, but we only drove it for those two things for years for two reasons. 1) The gas was sooo expensive. 2) Our kids are aging out quickly. If we can get it to last another year or two, we can get rid of it and not get another big vehicle. If we have to buy another big vehicle now, it will be so much more $$$ than just the (not inconsiderable) taxes and insurances. It has close to 200,000 miles so it is a legitimate concern.

[fairfarmhand]

27 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Also, NONE of them are worth over $8,000. My van being the most valuable one and I have to have it

I get it. I’m embarrassed at the number of cars in our driveway. We do have 5 drivers but if you added up the possible sale price of 5 of our cars, it would be less than 10k. They’re that old. They are more valuable to us than to anyone else. And your logic on the truck makes perfect sense with that commute. Trucks suck a ton of fuel and using it for every day is t logical.

[marbel]

Everyone has things they need that other people won't understand. I used to get so much flak over driving a suburban but at the time, we needed that space and the hauling capabilities.

You don't have to justify your possessions that are useful to you. ❤️

 

[marbel]

I also get you about your husband. You saw me complain about mine in this thread! But he is awesome in other ways. I'm sure there are things about me that annoy/frustrate him. Hard as that may be to imagine. 😎 

[lauraw4321]

Until just about a year ago, I had never lived in a house where you could open the windows. We always told our kids to break windows if they needed to use them to escape. Windows that actually open and shut are like a luxury to me.

I'd want the flooring done, though. 

[wintermom]

1 hour ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Not attached. I have to have my van to hold the family. Dh must have 4 wheel drive for winter. He must have a fuel effective car as his commute is a little over 100 miles each way. We have to have these vehicles. He can’t not get to work for a week at a time due to snow or get stuck . He is up and out before most roads are clear l.

That's a wild commute. Holy crap. You moving closer to his work could be savings in many ways. Something to build into the whole budget picture, and a motivation to get the windows and floors fixed up quickly. 

A couple of expressions come to mind; "Happy wife, happy life." "Driving 200+ miles to and from work does not leave time or energy for home renos."

[freesia]

36 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

Until just about a year ago, I had never lived in a house where you could open the windows. We always told our kids to break windows if they needed to use them to escape. Windows that actually open and shut are like a luxury to me.

I'd want the flooring done, though. 

Really? Is that common where you live? Even the apartments I lived in had little windows that opened. I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone whose windows don’t open. Was it on purpose? I really curious about this. ( For reference, my US places have been Mass, NY, DC and Ohio) 

ETA:Pennsylvania, too!

Edited July 16 by freesia

[lauraw4321]

Just now, freesia said:

Really? Is that common where you live? Even the apartments I lived in had little windows that opened. I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone whose windows don’t open. Was it on purpose? I really curious about this. ( For reference, my US places have been Mass, NY, DC and Ohio) 

I live in Alabama, and there's probably only 10 days in the entire year when it would make sense to open the windows (either too hot or too cold). Growing up, our windows were painted/sealed shut. Same thing when I lived in Georgia. Same thing in the house that we bought in Alabama. Finally replaced windows, which do open, but we never open them.

[Arcadia]

2 hours ago, wintermom said:

There are a ton of people in my city driving trucks all year and our gas is way more expensive.

My neighbor drives a Toyota tacoma for work reasons and the mpg for city is about 20. My husband drives a Toyota corolla for work and we get 33 mpg for city easily. Gas price is not as high as right now but still $3.75 per gallon. We paid $5.99 per gallon recently. While my neighbor who is self employed can claim his mileage as business expenses, it still adds up to drive a tacoma daily. 

[Arcadia]

22 hours ago, Kuovonne said:

Some tall buildings do not have opening windows on upper floors, or only have tiny windows, even though people sleep and cook on those floors.

There have been code changes for apartments and condos. For example, my condo requires a fire proof door, fire alarm, sprinklers and carbon monoxide sensors. The fire alarm company checks yearly that the alarm in each unit as well as common areas are in working order.

[Elizabeth86]

38 minutes ago, wintermom said:

That's a wild commute. Holy crap. You moving closer to his work could be savings in many ways. Something to build into the whole budget picture, and a motivation to get the windows and floors fixed up quickly. 

A couple of expressions come to mind; "Happy wife, happy life." "Driving 200+ miles to and from work does not leave time or energy for home renos."

It is most likely a temporary commute until he is eligible for another promotion at the end of the year. 

[Elizabeth86]

1 hour ago, marbel said:

I also get you about your husband. You saw me complain about mine in this thread! But he is awesome in other ways. I'm sure there are things about me that annoy/frustrate him. Hard as that may be to imagine. 😎 

Same ! There is a list a mile long of all my faults. lol

[prairiewindmomma]

Unopening windows are against code in every state--it goes to the two means of egress issue with re: to fire safety. If an appraiser discovers that all of the windows aren't openable, it's going to go on to the repair list required for resale.  Technically, in some areas, if discovered when you're getting permitted for something else, you can get flagged as well. It goes to the basic habitability of the property. 

If you have three windows in a room, and only one opens, but you also have the door = ok by the fire code, locally. All windows stuck = doesn't pass code. 

[QueenCat]

18 hours ago, wintermom said:

 There are a ton of people in my city driving trucks all year and our gas is way more expensive.

 

That sounds like a waste of money when they could drive something more fuel-efficient. 

[KSera]

2 hours ago, QueenCat said:

That sounds like a waste of money when they could drive something more fuel-efficient. 

Not just a waste of money, but terrible for the environment as well. 

[wintermom]

3 hours ago, QueenCat said:

That sounds like a waste of money when they could drive something more fuel-efficient. 

No kidding! That's what I'm thinking, but they love their pristine trucks that are always spotlessly clean. 😂  I'm sure that they have some of their own excellent reasons why they NEED their truck. 😉 

[busymama7]

OP I agree with much that has been said on the thread but wanted to throw out the possibility that your DH does the floors but you don't move in until they are finished.  That could be a compromise and I don't think I saw that mentioned.  That won't work though if he's not willing to use other materials if the poplar is totally unworkable (I don't know anything about it)

Windows are non negotiable. 

[QueenCat]

18 minutes ago, wintermom said:

No kidding! That's what I'm thinking, but they love their pristine trucks that are always spotlessly clean. 😂  I'm sure that they have some of their own excellent reasons why they NEED their truck. 😉 

There are people that do need trucks. For example, the OP has explained quite well why it is a need for her family's situation. But from what you explained, it didn't sound like the case in your area.

 

[wintermom]

@Elizabeth86 I'm not sure whether this has been mentioned, but is one challenge with doing any reno work beforehand the distance you currently live from this new property? Overseeing someone else doing the work can be more difficult when you aren't living on-site. There is often back-and-forth in-person discussions that are needed between the worker(s)/contractor and owner throughout the construction process. 

[Elizabeth86]

2 minutes ago, wintermom said:

@Elizabeth86 I'm not sure whether this has been mentioned, but is one challenge with doing any reno work beforehand the distance you currently live from this new property? Overseeing someone else doing the work can be more difficult when you aren't living on-site. There is often back-and-forth in-person discussions that are needed between the worker(s)/contractor and owner throughout the construction process. 

Less than 30 minutes. 

[Elizabeth86]

21 minutes ago, busymama7 said:

OP I agree with much that has been said on the thread but wanted to throw out the possibility that your DH does the floors but you don't move in until they are finished.  That could be a compromise and I don't think I saw that mentioned.  That won't work though if he's not willing to use other materials if the poplar is totally unworkable (I don't know anything about it)

Windows are non negotiable. 

I’ve said that and he didn’t like the idea. I suspect because he knows it will take forever 

[wintermom]

7 minutes ago, QueenCat said:

There are people that do need trucks. For example, the OP has explained quite well why it is a need for her family's situation. But from what you explained, it didn't sound like the case in your area.

 

I'm sure there are. There are also a lot of people who just like driving them. Either way is fine, if the owners are fine with the expense. I'm not here to trash truck owners, neither am I in surpport of the negative impact trucks have on the environment in terms of carbon consumption. We all rely on trucks delivering food and other essentials. 

Just to be clear for anyone else wanting to pounce on my bringing up the expense of owning 3 vehicles. This is a fact - owning 3 operating vehicles does indeed cost money. The OP described a dh that didn't want to spend money ON THIS PROJECT. I'm just pointing out how he is ok spending money on 3 vehicles as they fit his need. Why living in a home with no flooring and windows that do not open is NOT A NEED is weird to say the least. Emotions will do that to people. Logic is thrown out the window - but only if it opens. 😉 

Edited July 17 by wintermom

[busymama7]

5 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

I’ve said that and he didn’t like the idea. I suspect because he knows it will take forever 

He doesn't have to like it.  Absolutely positively do not back down.  This is your home too. 

[SKL]

I can't read the entire thread.

You are your husband's equal. 

The two things you listed as being dealbreakers are not insane.  I might have different dealbreakers, but that doesn't mean you aren't entitled to yours.

"Could I live like this" should not be the question IMO, unless the alternative is living under a bridge.

As for the vehicles, long term planning wise, I'd buy a fuel-efficient car instead of a van next time.  But for now, it is what it is.  Even if you had 10 cars, that doesn't negate the fact that you get to require opening windows and actual floors before you move ... assuming there is enough money to bridge the timing gap.

You should be able to hire someone to replace the floors and unseal the windows rather quickly.

[Elizabeth86]

3 minutes ago, SKL said:

I can't read the entire thread.

You are your husband's equal. 

The two things you listed as being dealbreakers are not insane.  I might have different dealbreakers, but that doesn't mean you aren't entitled to yours.

"Could I live like this" should not be the question IMO, unless the alternative is living under a bridge.

As for the vehicles, long term planning wise, I'd buy a fuel-efficient car instead of a van next time.  But for now, it is what it is.  Even if you had 10 cars, that doesn't negate the fact that you get to require opening windows and actual floors before you move ... assuming there is enough money to bridge the timing gap.

You should be able to hire someone to replace the floors and unseal the windows rather quickly.

I have FIVE kids. They won’t fit in a car. Everywhere I go I take FIVE people with. None of this is about my vehicle or lack of money.

My husband WON’T hire out. There is enough money to bridge the gap. The house is something we would inherit 

Edited July 17 by Elizabeth86

[SKL]

14 minutes ago, wintermom said:

Just to be clear for anyone else wanting to pounce on my bringing up the expense of owning 3 vehicles. This is a fact - owning 3 operating vehicles does indeed cost money. The OP described a dh that didn't want to spend money ON THIS PROJECT. I'm just pointing out how he is ok spending money on 3 vehicles as they fit his need. Why living in a home with no flooring and windows that do not open is NOT A NEED is weird to say the least. Emotions will do that to people. Logic is thrown out the window - but only if it opens. 😉 

You don't know what the vehicle costs are though.  (Or was that detailed earlier in the thread?  Sorry, I can't go back and read 4 pages of posts right now.)

Where I live, liability insurance isn't really on the car, it's on the driver.  It doesn't matter how many cars you have.  Collision insurance is optional and many people opt out for older cars.  The cost of maintenance depends on many factors, including whether or not a family member is able to do much of it.  Gas mileage cost for this family is apparently much less with the low-MPG car, while ability to be consistent at work 100 miles away justifies the truck.  It makes sense to me.  In my personal living situation, it might not make sense, but I only have enough info for my own decisions.

[SKL]

2 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

I have FIVE kids. They won’t fit in a car. Everywhere I go I take FIVE people with. None of this is about my vehicle or lack of money.

My husband WON’T hire out. There is enough money to bridge the gap. The house is something we would inherit 

Well I didn't know you have 5 kids who will all need to go everywhere with you when you buy your next car.  Sue me.

You are your  husband's equal.  It isn't up to your husband alone whether work gets hired out.

If he is that inflexible, honestly I would just refuse to move.  Sell the inherited house and stay put.  He can't force you to move unless he wants to go to jail.

 

 

[Elizabeth86]

Just now, SKL said:

Well I didn't know you have 5 kids who will all need to go everywhere with you when you buy your next car.  Sue me.

You are your  husband's equal.  It isn't up to your husband alone whether work gets hired out.

If he is that inflexible, honestly I would just refuse to move.  Sell the inherited house and stay put.  He can't force you to move unless he wants to go to jail.

 

 

The cars are irrelevant. The only reason they were brought up was to point out we really don’t have money going to a lot of anything besides utilities and groceries. We NEED all 3 cars for different reasons. My van to haul kids. Dh’s truck to make it to work in winter and to haul things and trash. Dh’s car to save money on his massive commute. We aren’t even talking about buying another vehicle. I’m confused.

[SKL]

Is the inherited house much closer to DH's work?  If so, it may make sense for him to move in and do work while OP stays in the current house.

[Elizabeth86]

Just now, SKL said:

Is the inherited house much closer to DH's work?  If so, it may make sense for him to move in and do work while OP stays in the current house.

No it isn’t 

[SKL]

Just now, Elizabeth86 said:

The cars are irrelevant. The only reason they were brought up was to point out we really don’t have money going to a lot of anything besides utilities and groceries. We NEED all 3 cars for different reasons. My van to haul kids. Dh’s truck to make it to work in winter and to haul things and trash. Dh’s car to save money on his massive commute. We aren’t even talking about buying another vehicle. I’m confused.

I agree that the car situation is not the point.  I was just commenting on a rabbit trail.  Car management is part of money management in the bigger picture.

[SKL]

But on the original point - just say no.  You are not being a diva.

[Harriet Vane]

I don’t understand the obsession about the cars in this thread. Let it go, people. Focus on what the OP asked—the condition of the HOUSE.