Graduation (public 12th grade) and extended family

[SKL]

What are the customs nowadays?  Do I throw a party and invite extended family?  I never hear about graduation parties these days.

My niece had a party which I attended in 2011.  It may have been an 18th birthday cum graduation party (May birthday).  I wasn't informed or invited if my nephew had any shindig when he graduated in 2014.  Of course a lot of parties were nixed in 2020-21, so I'm not sure what people are doing nowadays.

[Faith-manor]

I think graduation party customs are a regional thing. I know relatives in other parts of the country who say they have not ever seen one advertised or been invited to one. So I think this is kind of a quirky, local thing. Are their friends having parties?

We opted not to do the "open house" thing but we did take the out of town guests who came to their graduation ceremonies (we had commencements and conferring of diplomas, announcements of college choice, etc. even though we home schooled all the way through) out to dinner or in the case of dd, had a buffet style dinner here at the house afterward, and backyard fire and smores for her and her friends when the relatives had thinned out. 

High school commencement is a very big deal in my region, and openhouses for these graduates abound through June and July. But, we also bucked the tradition by just having a small, closest family and friends dinner. So it was a way of doing something to honor our kids' graduations without participating in these huge, expensive parties.

I would say that the trend towards having huge parties here has waned since covid in some areas. Ours still seeks full steam ahead, back to normal, but not everywhere.

I think you do you. Have you asked the girls what they would like? I know kids who have been forced to have a party who really did not want one, and did not enjoy it. I know others that didn't get one and felt stiffed. I think that if you have relatives coming to attend the ceremony, a meal together before or after is nice, but only of the honorees would enjoy it.

[Boymama5]

We were invited to several the last few years both for 8th and 12th grade. 

[catz]

What do your graduates want?   My kids didn’t want big parties but did have small friend events the summer after graduation.  I think it’s up to you.  Some people here do bigger more typical graduation parties.  Maybe in some areas it is an expectation but it isn’t here.  I also think Covid allowed people to do smaller scale without apologies. 
 

in terms of the actual ceremony and day, a lot of schools here limit ticket numbers.  When my son graduated college last year we had dinner reservations and show tickets for later that day.  Relatives were far and wouldn’t have attended even if invited so that was fun.  

Edited December 18, 2023 by catz

[Just Kate]

Ds (graduated in 2022) didn’t want a party. He also wouldn’t go to prom and may have skipped graduation if I’d let him! Lol

Dd (will graduate in 2025) wants a party and ALL the things! Around here, the kids parents will host an open house, maybe at a park or somewhere else outside. Friends and family will just come and go. I imagine this is what we will do for dd.

[kirstenhill]

I'd say it's very common where I live and where my husband's family lives (upper midwest) to have an open house style graduation party.  I think about 75% of DD's friends had this kind of party (she didn't have a super huge friend circle in high school, so it's not a really large sample size).  But I see lots of chatter in local groups about grad parties, see people having them in parks and other rented public spaces, etc.  

I was surprised that a bunch of DH's family wanted to come for DDs grad ceremony.  It was a bit awkward because number of guests were a bit limited her year (This was '22, so a lingering effect of COVID - during the height of COVID the school district didn't reserve the larger local venue for graduation for '22, and by the time they realized there would be no need to have a modified ceremony in '22, the venue was already booked with another event, but graduation dates are published years in advance and they didn't want to change the date).   So we had some out of town family for the ceremony, and had a nice dinner out with visiting family, then the open house party the next day. 

[Lady Marmalade]

I think Covid kinda squashed a lot of the hype, but they're still a fairly big deal here.  DS didn't want one when he graduated in 2022. DD did have one in 2019- open house style, lots of people in and out.   We didn't do any kind of formal invitation, we did facebook invites to people in the area.  To extended family out of town we sent graduation announcements, but no invite to the party.  It was a homeschool graduation, so no ceremony or anything to have to deal with.  Around here, the high schools limit tickets to graduation, so it's not like the whole extended family could attend anyway. 

[ScoutTN]

My homeschooler had an open house at a park, small and informal. 

It varies a lot here. Tickets to actual graduation are usually limited, so all extended family cannot attend the actual ceremony.

What do your girls want?

[Anne]

I think the “what do your girls want” question is key.  

I see the gamut of possibilities here - from small to large.

[Sneezyone]

Tickets were limited to 10 per family for DD and we used that to keep the numbers of extended (all out of town) family down. DH and I covered all their hotel rooms. We invited local friends and colleagues to the grad dinner + out of town guests, at a local restaurant. Out of town guests were also invited to our home for a BBQ the day after. DS's will be different because we have a new outdoor living space. We will have a catered meal after the ceremony at our home and invite folks to BBQ, hang out, and watch TV/movies with us in the same space the following day. Both kids say they prefer this low-key/intimate approach.

Edited December 19, 2023 by Sneezyone

[freesia]

Grad parties were a big thing in NY where I used to live. 2020 was the only year we didn’t go to several. At our new house, I’m told they are a thing, but we haven’t been through a grad season yet so idk what it’s like. I think you should ask someone who had older kids. While I don’t like throwing big parties, they were a big thing for my kids and I loved seeing friends and family shower them with love. It meant a lot to them in terms of closure. 

[rebcoola]

Open house style parties are big here

[TravelingChris]

ALL THRE4EOF MY KIDS WERE HOMESCHOOLED THROUH HIGHSCHOOL.   wITH DS,  WE WERE OVERSEAAS AND OUR BASE CDHAPEL HAD A GRADUATION PARTTY FOR HIM AND THE ONE OTHER GRADUATE THAT YEAR.   wiTH DD1, HER HOMESCHOOL GROUP HAD A PARTY. wITH DD2. HER COVER SCHOOL HAD A GRADUATION AND PARTY.

[katilac]

I don't think the customs matter that much. 

If they want a party, and you're inclined to give them one, then you have a party. 

[Ellie]

10 hours ago, Sneezyone said:

Tickets were limited to 10 per family for DD and we used that to keep the numbers of extended (all out of town) family down.

My high school limited it to 4 invitations per family. o_0 No one I knew had any kind of party, and we were the first graduating class so you'd think there would have been *something*!

Niether of my dc wanted a *high school* graduation. We took each one out to dinner at a nice restaurant and bought her a birthstone necklace.

[Ellie]

2 hours ago, katilac said:

I don't think the customs matter that much. 

If they want a party, and you're inclined to give them one, then you have a party. 

Exactly. We spend 12+ years *not* copying public schools; why start now? 🙂

[Pam in CT]

We did what each one wanted: eldest wanted a big old backyard bash with a taco truck, middle wanted to take one friend to a Broadway show, youngest was at height of COVID and we let her take my car and three friends on a 4-day camping trip to Maine.  (Last was most parentally daunting LOL but the poor kids were coming off a truly terrible, horrible, no good Very Bad senior year.)  (And they + car came back unscathed, I dunna wanna know the stories.)

[Faith-manor]

29 minutes ago, Pam in CT said:

We did what each one wanted: eldest wanted a big old backyard bash with a taco truck, middle wanted to take one friend to a Broadway show, youngest was at height of COVID and we let her take my car and three friends on a 4-day camping trip to Maine.  (Last was most parentally daunting LOL but the poor kids were coming off a truly terrible, horrible, no good Very Bad senior year.)  (And they + car came back unscathed, I dunna wanna know the stories.)

I get that! The first time our three musketeers headed into national forest with a couple of friends to do the hike in, dispersed camping, I just decided if they came back and all were in one piece, I could live with that and don't give me the details. What I did hear was that there were a LOT of annoying squirrels and raccoons. Okay. I can handle those stories! 😂

I am personally a big fan of giving them experiences instead of parties. All 3 of our boys graduated college within a year of each other. So to celebrate, we hit the road for one last road trip with the trio. It was truly wonderful, and I am so glad we went. Now with jobs and grad school, it is just about impossible to get all three together at once to say nothing of together with their sister, her husband, and our three grandkids.

I vote for whatever the honoree wants, but sure do lean towards experience/memories over party.