Settling in

[heartlikealion]

Dad is asking the kids to keep secrets again. Dd blurted out something and said nevermind dad said that’s a secret (I have no idea what she said). 

One thing I was flat out told was that “isn’t it against the law for you to move to another state? Dad is upset about it.” 

mark my words, I will not be surprised in the least if he conjures up a new letter of complaint against me. Good grief. I told dd I checked with my lawyer before I accepted the job and everything is fine. She seemed relieved. 

[heartlikealion]

Took the kids to dinner last night (one of my fav pit stops. We got Chinese. Everyone enjoyed) and ds seemed pleasantly surprised I had his actual bed here not an air mattress. I said that’s your bed, from the old house. 

The new couch is in MS now. Shipped from GA. I think I’ll get it earlier than the expected arrival date. Not sure I’ll get it this weekend, though. 

[heartlikealion]

Oh and I guess I mostly know why ds came… apparently xh sent him to keep an eye on dd. Ds rattled off stats about how dangerous NOLA is. A coworker also recently told me how high on the murder list they are. I took it all in stride. I said it wasn’t news to me. 

I told ds you just have to be mindful of your surroundings and places to avoid especially at night. But I’m learning the area. 

ds said he was also interested in checking out the city. I asked if he was coming next weekend and he said yes. 

[Heartstrings]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

Dad is asking the kids to keep secrets again. Dd blurted out something and said nevermind dad said that’s a secret (I have no idea what she said). 

One thing I was flat out told was that “isn’t it against the law for you to move to another state? Dad is upset about it.” 

mark my words, I will not be surprised in the least if he conjures up a new letter of complaint against me. Good grief. I told dd I checked with my lawyer before I accepted the job and everything is fine. She seemed relieved. 

Boy that would be something, to complain about you moving when he moved hours away first and you moved to be closer.   Not surprised but dang.   

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Heartstrings said:

Boy that would be something, to complain about you moving when he moved hours away first and you moved to be closer.   Not surprised but dang.   

Exactly. 
He chose the meetup spot. I arrived first. I’m sitting there waiting and suddenly my trunk opens. I was startled and turned to see him and the kids putting luggage in. I said you scared the crap out of me. He said I thought you saw us. I said no, I was literally texting my dad. My car was unlocked because I had just moved things around to clear space for the kids. 

This man still thinks he can control things. 
I will not let him intimidate me. Minutes were recorded at the last court date. The current job was literally discussed in front of the judge. He can’t say he didn’t get due notice or anything. And the judge didn’t object to any of the jobs. 

[bolt.]

Good! It sounds like your xh going to have more "fun" asking (and paying) his lawyer to do useless things to try to control your life.

*And* he's going to make sure you see more of your son!

I don't know if you've got enough 'feeling of distance' from him yet -- but eventually it can be amusing to watch control freaks tie themselves in knots then spin in circles to try to control stuff (people) that they have no power over.

About NOLA, statistics are what they are, but it doesn't mean that all the people who live there are in danger all the time. It's another feature of your xh's distorted thinking, and it's why he never liked your sense of adventure and willingness to enjoy NOLA during your marriage.

It must be so nice to be free and not have to make 'compromise' decisions with someone else's irrational perspectives!

As for the kids, maybe it's worth talking about the real math of crime statistics, and how, yes, crime is 'more likely' some places than others -- but it's still rare, and safety is fairly easy to achieve with ordinary precautions. You might say, "Lots of people overreact to crime information, but it's really just information. It doesn't mean that nobody should live here. It's a great place to live." They may need some reassurance. But regular visits as they begin to feel familiar and safe to the kids will also contribute to their sense of wellbeing.

[fairfarmhand]

9 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Dad is asking the kids to keep secrets again. Dd blurted out something and said nevermind dad said that’s a secret (I have no idea what she said). 

One thing I was flat out told was that “isn’t it against the law for you to move to another state? Dad is upset about it.” 

mark my words, I will not be surprised in the least if he conjures up a new letter of complaint against me. Good grief. I told dd I checked with my lawyer before I accepted the job and everything is fine. She seemed relieved. 

 

7 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Exactly. 
He chose the meetup spot. I arrived first. I’m sitting there waiting and suddenly my trunk opens. I was startled and turned to see him and the kids putting luggage in. I said you scared the crap out of me. He said I thought you saw us. I said no, I was literally texting my dad. My car was unlocked because I had just moved things around to clear space for the kids. 

This man still thinks he can control things. 
I will not let him intimidate me. Minutes were recorded at the last court date. The current job was literally discussed in front of the judge. He can’t say he didn’t get due notice or anything. And the judge didn’t object to any of the jobs. 

I'm totally certain that judges in areas that are close to state lines see things like this all the time. The fact that it's another state is irrelevant as long as it's within driving distance. Your ex is ridiculous. 

[Faith-manor]

1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

 

I'm totally certain that judges in areas that are close to state lines see things like this all the time. The fact that it's another state is irrelevant as long as it's within driving distance. Your ex is ridiculous. 

This. Thinking of all the people who live in Monroe, Mi and work in Toledo, and vice versa. Totally normal.

[heartlikealion]

I already feel like this is my home and I like it 😊 I took the kids all over the library today (a massive branch). They met some of my new friends and I left ds in the teen tech room for video game play. He made a friend in there and I asked if they exchanged info and he said yes. I thought that was neat. 

I took them by foot to lunch. It was a beautiful day. I told them about security always being present at the libraries and I smiled and waved at a security guy I know. Since wifi is messed up I delayed going home. We splurged on fancy desserts. The king cake donut was good since it had a filling. Dd has been an emotional mess (poor sport when she lost in arcade games etc) and upset over wifi most of the day. Said she wished I never moved here. I know this visit is just weird… things will be more normal the next time. She has been so whiny. Oh and has no interest in going to the aquarium or zoo. I think her meltdowns have less to do with me and more to do with a phase. 

Ds got excited to see the little trollies? Street cars? Whatever they are called. 

A band I heard open for Twin Tribes a few weeks ago is playing again next week for $15 on a weeknight. I might go see them with a coworker. I exchanged phone numbers with my fav colleagues.

The couch arrived and I’ll try to assemble it with ds tonight. 

If xh wants to make things hard it’s just going to waste money. I think ds is enjoying the city and has his own reasons to come. 

[Faith-manor]

Heart, I am so glad you like where you are! Stupid ex husband can pound sand, and pay lots of money to do it. He is a narcissistic twit.

[scholastica]

2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I already feel like this is my home and I like it 😊 I took the kids all over the library today (a massive branch). They met some of my new friends and I left ds in the teen tech room for video game play. He made a friend in there and I asked if they exchanged info and he said yes. I thought that was neat. 

I took them by foot to lunch. It was a beautiful day. I told them about security always being present at the libraries and I smiled and waved at a security guy I know. Since wifi is messed up I delayed going home. We splurged on fancy desserts. The king cake donut was good since it had a filling. Dd has been an emotional mess (poor sport when she lost in arcade games etc) and upset over wifi most of the day. Said she wished I never moved here. I know this visit is just weird… things will be more normal the next time. She has been so whiny. Oh and has no interest in going to the aquarium or zoo. I think her meltdowns have less to do with me and more to do with a phase. 

Ds got excited to see the little trollies? Street cars? Whatever they are called. 

A band I heard open for Twin Tribes a few weeks ago is playing again next week for $15 on a weeknight. I might go see them with a coworker. I exchanged phone numbers with my fav colleagues.

The couch arrived and I’ll try to assemble it with ds tonight. 

If xh wants to make things hard it’s just going to waste money. I think ds is enjoying the city and has his own reasons to come. 

There’s been a lot of change for your dd. Once she sees that this is permanent for you, she’ll settle in. You’ve lived so many places trying to get settled, she doesn’t trust it yet. She’ll definitely get there.

[heartlikealion]

Are you kidding me. How many boxes did they mean to send? This is not a whole couch 🤦🏻‍♀️

 

[heartlikealion]

Just saw the note on the listing 

“Our double sofa bed with trundle comes with 2 boxes, which may be delivered at different times. Any questions, please feel free to contact us, and we will reply to you within 24 hours”

ok I feel better now lol 

[heartlikealion]

Sunday my dad brought stuff to my home. He didn’t have the storage locker key so he just brought a bunch of stuff I had stored at his home. 

I met xh in his town last night so I could get my tv and some stuff from my friend’s home. I tried to get as much as possible out of her home. The remaining 2 items I gave permission to put in her back porch temporarily. It was a fan and tv stand. For now (and possibly for good) I’m using that cat furniture thing as my tv stand. 

My storage unit is still leaking rain water and it ruined an end table. I honestly am not that upset about it but am asking for a discount on my rent. I have turned that end table into my new porch table. For delivery drivers to set packages on. And me to set things down when my hands are full and I need to unlock the door. I looked ALL over that unit and couldn’t find my nice modem/router. 

I was very determined to get my exercise bike! I carefully loaded the bike and tv and put soft buffers between them and bungee’d the exercise bike to the side so it would not roll onto the tv in travel. 

I unpacked a lot last night. I have work at my new branch today. And a date Tues night with the college professor. I don’t think that’ll go anywhere, but will be nice to get out. He described himself as goth but doesn’t really listen to the music (that’s like the #1 criteria lol). He likes the literature though. 

My wifi is not working but I have my dvd player and access to tons of things through the library so worst case Friday night the kids watch a dvd. Cable company is scheduled to come Sat morning. 

progress!! 

I overdid it a bit… I seem to have thrown out my back a bit but I hope it is not at all like last time. 

As you can see in the reflection I have the bike and currently ds’s bed where the couch will go. 

Edited December 11, 2023 by heartlikealion

[heartlikealion]

The associate at AT&T had terrible customer service and never really got to me as they were short staffed. I researched phone plans on my own and may get one with them. I’m trying to reduce my monthly bill + get free HBO Max. There’s a prepaid plan of 15GB for $40/mo. My current plan is $45/mo for 10GB. 

I threw out my back yesterday lifting. But I got my other package and decided to assemble my couch since it was bugging me. I’ll add a fitted sheet and blanket on the top. 

the cat seems to approve lol 

Edited December 12, 2023 by heartlikealion

[Rosie_0801]

On 12/10/2023 at 12:00 PM, heartlikealion said:

Dd has been an emotional mess (poor sport when she lost in arcade games etc) and upset over wifi most of the day. Said she wished I never moved here.

It might have occurred to her that she's missing out on your life. My dd was like that, anyway.

[saraha]

3 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

It might have occurred to her that she's missing out on your life. My dd was like that, anyway.

It could be that. I remember when I realized my mom would go out and do stuff while we were at my dads, it made me really mad. She had gone to an amusement park I had never been to with friends and I was absolutely shocked. Like how dare she do anything fun while we were gone?!? I became like a little detective for a while. If there were fast food wrappers in the trash, or she had a new blouse, anything that had signaled that she was doing anything while we were gone would upset me.

I remember getting all up in arms and accusing her of not loving us and just waiting for us to leave so she could do fun stuff without us and crying and throwing a fit. She was pretty patient and told me that she couldn’t just sit on the couch and wait for us to come back every weekend, and that we had fun without her all the time etc. it took a long time, in kid time, before I really got ok with her having a life outside us. 

That may not be what was troubling dd, but now that you are settling in, and even though it’s been a while since you and dh dovorced, seeing you moving on could be bringing another wave of grief.

meta: I don’t know why, but I knew my dad did stuff without us, but for some reason it only bothered me about my mom. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Edited December 12, 2023 by saraha

[saraha]

4 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

The associate at AT&T had terrible customer service and never really got to me as they were short staffed. I researched phone plans on my own and may get one with them. I’m trying to reduce my monthly bill + get free HBO Max. There’s a prepaid plan of 15GB for $40/mo. My current plan is $45/mo for 10GB. 

I threw out my back yesterday lifting. But I got my other package and decided to assemble my couch since it was bugging me. I’ll add a fitted sheet and blanket on the top. 

the cat seems to approve lol 

Cool! Is that a full size mattress or a twin size?

[heartlikealion]

1 hour ago, saraha said:

Cool! Is that a full size mattress or a twin size?

Twin for both top and bottom. Which is perfect because that’s what I own. I’ll move the twin xl into my room. I own 3 twins total. 

[heartlikealion]

Anything is possible. But I think the moodiness is mostly because she has no playmates to see on my time and the wifi was down (she plays phone apps with friends). She briefly saw my friend’s daughter when I collected some stuff from the house Sun. 

My phone plan is often not enough data and I pay extra. I’ve already gotten a message that I’ve used up most for the cycle and it doesn’t start again til Jan 3. I can probably get info by just calling a rep. The store was a waste of time. 

Edited December 12, 2023 by heartlikealion

[Lucy the Valiant]

(Not sure if Tello is an option where you are, but if you own your phone outright (my current one was $200ish), unlimited text / unlimited data / unlimited minutes are $25 / month total. We've had excellent customer service with them for a few years now. )

 

Edited December 12, 2023 by Lucy the Valiant

[freesia]

Mint Mobile’s unlimited is $30 a month and often has deals for the first three months. 

[iamonlyone]

How is it going at the new branch?

[heartlikealion]

10 hours ago, iamonlyone said:

How is it going at the new branch?

Good! And my boss schedules everyone 2 Saturdays a month so is totally fine with giving me every other Sat off for my visits with kids. Even though dd said she wasn’t interested in the zoo I went ahead and reserved our free zoo passes for a day we’re off for Christmas break. 
They even gave me my own desk (in the back). Not all locations are able to do that. 

Since I have no wifi and you can rent a bunch I brought home a stack of DVDs. 

[heartlikealion]

14 hours ago, Lucy the Valiant said:

(Not sure if Tello is an option where you are, but if you own your phone outright (my current one was $200ish), unlimited text / unlimited data / unlimited minutes are $25 / month total. We've had excellent customer service with them for a few years now. )

 

 

12 hours ago, freesia said:

Mint Mobile’s unlimited is $30 a month and often has deals for the first three months. 

Ohh thank you both. I’ll research. 
I’m not gung go on 5G. That’s all I can get with AT&T they said. And the cheaper plan I saw online they said is only applicable if you signup at Walmart etc and more people complain about their service. /shrug 

Edited December 13, 2023 by heartlikealion

[eagleynne]

24 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

 

Ohh thank you both. I’ll research. 
I’m not gung go on 5G. That’s all I can get with AT&T they said. And the cheaper plan I saw online they said is only applicable if you signup at Walmart etc and more people complain about their service. /shrug 

I've been using Mint Mobile for going on a year with no issues. I do have 5G in town and 4G pretty much everywhere else. They are owned by and operate on T Mobile's network. They are also offering 3 months free when you buy 3 months of service if you are a new customer and buy from their website. http://mintmobile.com 

[JustEm]

We've had Mint Mobile for over a year and really like it. 

[iamonlyone]

2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Good! And my boss schedules everyone 2 Saturdays a month so is totally fine with giving me every other Sat off for my visits with kids. Even though dd said she wasn’t interested in the zoo I went ahead and reserved our free zoo passes for a day we’re off for Christmas break. 
They even gave me my own desk (in the back). Not all locations are able to do that. 

Since I have no wifi and you can rent a bunch I brought home a stack of DVDs. 

That all sounds really good! I'm so glad you're having a good relaunch.

[heartlikealion]

I don’t know what to do about this dang washer. Now I can’t even get it to start. 

[heartlikealion]

I just signed up with Tello online. $25/mo plan unlimited. They will mail me a SIM card. I saw both 4G and 5G listed so I don’t know what my plan uses. I don’t plan to upgrade my phone. 

 

[heartlikealion]

I was recommended a repair man for the washer. Maybe he can help. I did manage to lock the door and start a load tonight after multiple tries. 

[*LC]

Do you think the door isn't keeping the connection that it needs to stay closed? We had this issue with a dryer, so we used a child-sized crutch we owned to hold it in place.

I think our laundry room was wider than yours, so you may be able to use something shorter.

We angled the crutch between the dryer door and the cabinet that was across the walkway from it.

Without it, the dryer thought the door wasn't closed and wouldn't run/keep running.

[*****]

I wonder if there is a reset button  you have to use (you know, like our VCR's and other electronic devices have).  There are youtube videos about this.  But idk, if a repairman comes in, I hope he can explain to you what he did so you will know for next time.

BTW, your place is coming together nicely, I hope you are enjoying your furnishings. It's too bad this one thing is taking so much energy and I hope it can work for you soon. In the mean time, I would keep watching craigslist. I just saw a stackable for $100.

[heartlikealion]

I get the kids tonight so last night I went to a laundromat. I liked the laundromat better than the other location but they required a laundry card and min loading fee was $20 🙄 I washed the sheets and tried to put up the twin I inside the trundle. It would not close!! The mattress is too thick. So plan B - I ordered some furniture risers. They are wooden (I’ve had plastic before and after time they can’t handle the weight). That should solve that issue. I got short ones. I don’t want the couch way up high. It’s already tall. 

I’m going to see that the repairman says before looking for a new set. 

the door literally will not stay closed unless the lock is engaged and it is very difficult for the lock engage. I lean my full weight on it and it still won’t lock so I don’t think a prop will help much. 

[heartlikealion]

Ds didn’t come but I saw him at the drop off. He took his last exam today and wants to spend his days off “with his family” according to him. Dd describes ds’ description of his last visit with me to paint me in a negative light (my interaction with an arcade employee when the machine didn’t work). I promise, that boy will twist anything. So then it fuels xh’s narrative that I’m a difficult, mean person or whatever. Ds is one of the most two-faced people I have ever met. I’m not mad. He’s influenced and has his own perspective. Everyone is entitled to that I guess. But it’s disheartening. 

[heartlikealion]

Just got a text from xh with his new address. I asked dd when they moved and she said, “you know about that?” I know he is always making them keep secrets 🙄 They are still in the process of moving in and he’s now a homeowner I guess. It’s not far from the previous home. Just funny to me I get a “here’s our new address text” every Dec now.

[*LC]

2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Just got a text from xh with his new address. I asked dd when they moved and she said, “you know about that?” I know he is always making them keep secrets 🙄 They are still in the process of moving in and he’s now a homeowner I guess. It’s not far from the previous home. Just funny to me I get a “here’s our new address text” every Dec now.

My heart stopped when I read the first sentence.

I was worried that he had moved them far away again with no notice. 

I'm sorry to hear about your son's decision not to visit. You're doing great. When my kids have made decisions to skip things that are important to me, I try to quickly text them that I'll miss them when/while everyone else does whatever with a reminder that I love them. Sometimes, I'll send them pics of the activity/event they skipped.

[*LC]

18 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I get the kids tonight so last night I went to a laundromat. I liked the laundromat better than the other location but they required a laundry card and min loading fee was $20 🙄 I washed the sheets and tried to put up the twin I inside the trundle. It would not close!! The mattress is too thick. So plan B - I ordered some furniture risers. They are wooden (I’ve had plastic before and after time they can’t handle the weight). That should solve that issue. I got short ones. I don’t want the couch way up high. It’s already tall. 

I’m going to see that the repairman says before looking for a new set. 

the door literally will not stay closed unless the lock is engaged and it is very difficult for the lock engage. I lean my full weight on it and it still won’t lock so I don’t think a prop will help much. 

I'm going to be somewhere with a stacking washer/dryer set with bored teens this week. We'll look at the locking mechanism. 

[heartlikealion]

6 hours ago, *LC said:

I'm going to be somewhere with a stacking washer/dryer set with bored teens this week. We'll look at the locking mechanism. 

I suspect most modern ones close just fine. The ones at the laundry mat that lock (not stackable) have a giant handle you turn to lock them. Mine is just a terrible design imo. The guy from work was unable to get in touch with the repairman so far. 

The internet person should be coming this morning. It says if it’s something on my end I’ll owe a $75 fee. I don’t think I did anything wrong. 

[bolt.]

12 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Ds didn’t come but I saw him at the drop off. He took his last exam today and wants to spend his days off “with his family” according to him. Dd describes ds’ description of his last visit with me to paint me in a negative light (my interaction with an arcade employee when the machine didn’t work). I promise, that boy will twist anything. So then it fuels xh’s narrative that I’m a difficult, mean person or whatever. Ds is one of the most two-faced people I have ever met. I’m not mad. He’s influenced and has his own perspective. Everyone is entitled to that I guess. But it’s disheartening. 

It's very likely that your son is not exactly "two-faced" in that negative sense. He probably has a bit of the chameleon's protective instinct, and naturally finds himself "blending in" with the prevailing attitude of the place/people he's around in whatever moment. He's probably more "getting swept up" with things than he is consciously "twisting" stuff.

It's likely that when he is with you, he likes and goes along with your perspective just as naturally as he does that in his other home. It's actually a fairly good skill, for his own wellbeing -- so, in a way, you can be 'happy' that he has it, since it is helping him cope, and you want him to cope successfully overall.

It sounds like your dh asks a lot of questions about their time with you. That sucks, and it's not good for them, but I guess you can't stop him.

But, as far as it depends on you, try not to ask questions about their time at their other home, or what each of them has heard the other saying about how they feel about stuff, or about how they liked their last visit, etc. Some things really are better left unsaid. Even if they volunteer info like that (obviously you can't stop them from just spitting stuff out) you can redirect them to other topics and make that topic seem 'not of interest' to you.

About him moving, and your dd's surprise, I suggest that you work against your xh's 'secrecy is important' narrative by openly displaying 'secrets are unimportant'. A bland response like, "Oh, I don't really care when he moves around, as long as each place is a good place for you two. Are you comfortable in the new place? Okay, that's all that I really need to know. Everything else is his business."

[katilac]

15 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Dd describes ds’ description of his last visit with me to paint me in a negative light  

I'm sure his dad noticed that ds was really starting to relax and enjoy his visits with you, and thus doubled-down on his efforts to 'win' and influence ds. 

It's sad that he cares more about being the favored parent than having his kids be happy. 

[heartlikealion]

I’m looking at my first check. It appears to be a full pay period (bi weekly). And it’s lower than I budgeted. Even if I adjust the cell phone bill rate (down to $25 for Tello) and remove the car note (which I allotted like $350) I’m in the negative. I can bring the grocery budget down and possibly fuel because I made those categories kinda forgiving. Hmm 

[KSera]

4 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I’m looking at my first check. It appears to be a full pay period (bi weekly). And it’s lower than I budgeted. Even if I adjust the cell phone bill rate (down to $25 for Tello) and remove the car note (which I allotted like $350) I’m in the negative. I can bring the grocery budget down and possibly fuel because I made those categories kinda forgiving. Hmm 

Is it low enough that you would qualify for SNAP or are you already getting that?

[heartlikealion]

5 minutes ago, KSera said:

Is it low enough that you would qualify for SNAP or are you already getting that?

Snap sent me a letter in Nov saying I’ll lose those benefits in Dec but can reapply. Apparently it cuts off each calendar year. I won’t qualify though based on my gross income. 

Something doesn’t add up right to me. Appears my net is like 28% less than gross per month. That may be right, though. 

Landlord was here with cable tech so I could get permission on running thing through the house a certain way and he told me he will have to remove the door jam just to get the washer/dryer out!! And a repairman probably can’t even assess it. He estimates it’s not worth repairing after parts & labor. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

13 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Snap sent me a letter in Nov saying I’ll lose those benefits in Dec but can reapply. Apparently it cuts off each calendar year. I won’t qualify though based on my gross income. 

Something doesn’t add up right to me. Appears my net is like 28% less than gross per month. That may be right, though. 

Landlord was here with cable tech so I could get permission on running thing through the house a certain way and he told me he will have to remove the door jam just to get the washer/dryer out!! And a repairman probably can’t even assess it. He estimates it’s not worth repairing after parts & labor. 

https://www.talent.com/tax-calculator?salary=35000&from=year&region=Louisiana
 

I was putting numbers in and I am guessing with insurance, if you’re paying for that, then it might be close to 28% out of your check.  We pay over 30% out of each check between taxes and insurance, but we also live in a heavily taxed state. 

[Heartstrings]

Is it possible to adjust the taxes?  Get more money in each check instead of getting a bigger refund.  

[heartlikealion]

I called my dad to get his feedback and he pointed out to me I was adding up 2 weeks of pay (14 days) so that only accounts for 28 days/month not 30-31 days. After figuring out what I make per day I was able to tack on 2-3 more days of pay and the monthly take home pay is better. Ins hasn’t started yet so I left that in expenses as a separate fee. I’m still in the negative some months so I’ll probably need to adjust the categories that have leeway. 

Side note - a colleague with the same brand car (different model but also an old vehicle) did successfully have her transmission replaced so told me not to outrule that as a possibility for my car. She told me where she went. 

[Heartstrings]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

 

I called my dad to get his feedback and he pointed out to me I was adding up 2 weeks of pay (14 days) so that only accounts for 28 days/month not 30-31 days. After figuring out what I make per day I was able to tack on 2-3 more days of pay and the monthly take home pay is better.

 

If you get paid every 2 weeks you’ll get 26 paychecks a year, and it sounds like you’re only figuring your income on 2 checks a month, or 24 a year.  If that’s right you’ll have 2 extra checks during the year,  it’s not a lot of help with month to month budgeting but it’s still income.   If you can budget with 2 checks per month then those extra checks are “free” in a way, to add to savings or pay on debt or get ahead on something.  
 

I’ve had transmissions replaced and it was expensive but fine after.   It’s definitely a money saving option if a new car isn’t in the budget.  

Edited December 17, 2023 by Heartstrings

[KungFuPanda]

Are your state or city taxes higher than your previous location?

[Faith-manor]

Definitely use some online calculators to see if they have your withholding too high. It is better to not get the huge tax refund. People like them. But in reality the government is getting your money throughout the year interest free. Everyone would be better off getting that way down, and then using it or putting it into their own investments like an IRA or something similar. For you, you need it in your budget.