Blanket training

[Melissa Louise]

2 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

My biggest regret is that I popped ds when he was young.    I will never forgive myself for that.   It eats at me.  I wish I had this board back then, too. 

What is popping? Hitting?

[Drama Llama]

3 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

But why wouldn't you just play with the baby on the rug?

Sorry, I know I sound dense, I just don't get the effort re. training.

I feel like training a baby requires a level of independence that babies just don't have. 

 

 

I did, and if they wandered off (or ran in the case of my youngest) I led them back and played some more.  But I also watched my other child, or my niece or youngest BIL play.  Sometimes, I sat on the blanket and watched the game, or walked away a minute to tie a shoe, or whatever.  

I will say that babies are very trainable.  I think because we spend a lot of time with extended family, so all of my kids have had and been the older cousin/uncle/sibling, all the babies in my family have gotten trained to do all sorts of silly tricks.   None of it was done with punishment of any sort.  But babies can be trained just like seals!  

 

Edited September 16, 2023 by Drama Llama

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, Drama Llama said:

I did.  I've said that repeatedly, and if they wandered off (or ran in the case of my youngest) I led them back and played some more.  But I also watched my other child, or my niece or youngest BIL play.  Sometimes, I sat on the blanket and watched the game, or walked away a minute to tie a shoe, or whatever.  

OK, but that isn't training.

I too sat on blankets with my babies at the park, but I wasn't blanket-training them.

That's just - playing with the baby and then looking after/supervising the baby?

A  bit confused about why that would have a name the same as the name for people who hit their kids to make them stay.

 

 

 

[WildflowerMom]

2 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

What is popping? Hitting?

Yes.   I popped his butt.  I did apologize to him when he was older and told him I should never in a million years have done that.   He said he'd never pop his own kid and I was so grateful to hear that so hopefully it wont continue for yet another generation.  (Although he's very likely to not have kids anyway, but still.)

[gardenmom5]

3 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I just used a pram in those situations. I never put a baby on a floor of a doctors office or waiting room. 

ewwwe.  Can you imagine the germs?  especially if it's carpeted.  just . . ewwwe.

[Drama Llama]

2 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

OK, but that isn't training.

I too sat on blankets with my babies at the park, but I wasn't blanket-training them.

That's just - playing with the baby and then looking after/supervising the baby?

A  bit confused about why that would have a name the same as the name for people who hit their kids to make them stay.

I said in my post that I don't use that term because I think it's been corrupted by the Pearls, but my kids were definitely trained in that they knew they were supposed to stay on the blanket, and they mostly did.  

I don't know what definition of training wouldn't basically be knowing what you're supposed to do and then doing it.  

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, WildflowerMom said:

Yes.   I popped his butt.  I did apologize to him when he was older and told him I should never in a million years have done that.   He said he'd never pop his own kid and I was so grateful to hear that so hopefully it wont continue for yet another generation.  (Although he's very likely to not have kids anyway, but still.)

I'm not judging you - we all have child-rearing regrets - but I just want to make a suggestion about language (as a child who was hit through childhood) - 'popping' sounds like minimizing language to me. It's very cutesy for a term that describes a parent smacking a child. 

Children do break these cycles, thankfully. Despite being hit, I never hit my children. I'm sure your son appreciated the apology. 

 

[Drama Llama]

1 minute ago, Melissa Louise said:

I'm not judging you - we all have child-rearing regrets - but I just want to make a suggestion about language (as a child who was hit through childhood) - 'popping' sounds like minimizing language to me. It's very cutesy for a term that describes a parent smacking a child. 

Children do break these cycles, thankfully. Despite being hit, I never hit my children. I'm sure your son appreciated the apology. 

 

I think this is cultural.  To my ear "smacking" sounds cutesy because it's not a word we use for hitting in the US.  Whereas "popping" is pretty common and everyone in my area would know what it means.  

[Melissa Louise]

Just now, Drama Llama said:

I think this is cultural.  To my ear "smacking" sounds cutesy because it's not a word we use for hitting in the US.  Whereas "popping" is pretty common and everyone in my area would know what it means.  

Well, I took out what I wanted to say, which was 'hitting', because I didn't want wildflower to feel bad.

It's hitting your kid. 

Applying punishing force to their bodies.

 

[marbel]

9 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

ewwwe.  Can you imagine the germs?  especially if it's carpeted.  just . . ewwwe.

That's why the baby is on a blanket or a towel. 

[Melissa Louise]

What a weird thread.

If you ever sat your baby/sat with your baby on a blanket, that is not blanket training. 

Training means you provide reinforcements (negative or positive) to shape an infant's behavior so that the behavior becomes replicable, and that it is replicable regardless of the infant's autonomous desires or needs. 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 16, 2023 by Melissa Louise

[Drama Llama]

Just now, Melissa Louise said:

What a weird thread.

If you ever sat your baby/sat with your baby on a blanket, that is not blanket training. 

Training means you provide reinforcements (negative or positive) to shape an infant's behavior so that the behavior becomes replicable, and that it is replicable regardless of the infant's autonomous desires or needs. 

 

Where did you get that part of the definition?

If I teach my dog to ring a bell when he wants to go outside (something I didn't do) but he does it when he autonomously desires to go out, is that not training?

If I get a job and they teach me to do a procedure, and I do it because of my autonomous desire for money, and I not "trained"?  

My kids stayed on the blanket (toddlers, as I said I just wore or carried my infants) because they wanted the toys and snacks and attention they got there, and because they were motivated to please me.  The fact that I only used positive methods doesn't make it not training, even if I don't use the term "blanket training".  

[WildflowerMom]

4 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

I'm not judging you - we all have child-rearing regrets - but I just want to make a suggestion about language (as a child who was hit through childhood) - 'popping' sounds like minimizing language to me. It's very cutesy for a term that describes a parent smacking a child. 

Children do break these cycles, thankfully. Despite being hit, I never hit my children. I'm sure your son appreciated the apology. 

 

Oh yes, I definitely said 'spank' to him when I apologized and we discussed it.  But privately, the guilt eats at me in a serious and unhealthy way and it's easier on me to say pop.   It's just something I'll never let go.    I hope to God the cycle has been broken completely.

[Melissa Louise]

6 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

Oh yes, I definitely said 'spank' to him when I apologized and we discussed it.  But privately, the guilt eats at me in a serious and unhealthy way and it's easier on me to say pop.   It's just something I'll never let go.    I hope to God the cycle has been broken completely.

I reckon being upfront with oneself is a good way to resolve the guilt. 

But also - you stopped and apologized.

Plenty don't. 

Good for you. It isn't easy to face up to the ways we did wrong wrt our kids.

 

[Ausmumof3]

4 hours ago, annandatje said:

Why go to effort of training infant to use blanket when you can put them in a playpen with no training required?  How and why is blanket training preferable to a playpen during read alouds?  I ask because I’ve never known anyone who did blanket training. 

It’s for church, the expectation is that the babies will sit perfectly quiet through the church service without disturbing the adults as well. 
 

Only causes frustration for us. It was much easier to sit in the back room with the speaker.

[maize]

This might be a bunny trail--I don't have much to say about training babies to stay on a blanket, it's not something I've attempted.  

But the discussion brought to mind the reality that some kids are compliant people-pleasers even as babies. They will watch their adults for signs of approval or disapproval,  and regulate their behavior accordingly from a pretty young age. 

That kind of kid could easily be encouraged to stay on a blanket without resorting to any kind of verbal or physical harshness.

And there are other kids who never would become compliant regardless of how many times they were spanked. 

And everything in between. 

I was the "ain't nobody gonna control me" kind of kid right from the start.  I was, incidentally,  the reason my parents mostly gave up on spanking as a parenting tool. Mild spanking was clearly not effective, and my mom was too wise a woman to engage in attempting to break a child's will-- she's told me that at some point she realized that that is what it would take to force me to comply,  and she just knew that was wrong.

My kids, however, trend towards high-anxiety-rule-follower personalities. Some of them would almost certainly have stuck to a blanket had I encouraged it. Turns out I'm as allergic to trying to control as a parent as I was to being controlled as a kid; I have zero interest in trying to make my kids do something unless there is a significant safety concern.  

[Corraleno]

36 minutes ago, Drama Llama said:

My kids stayed on the blanket (toddlers, as I said I just wore or carried my infants) because they wanted the toys and snacks and attention they got there, and because they were motivated to please me.  The fact that I only used positive methods doesn't make it not training, even if I don't use the term "blanket training".  

But blanket training is specifically for training infants to not move off a blanket. What you are describing with toddlers and up is more like what Montessori schools do, which is to encourage playing or working on a blanket or rug in a way that benefits the child and makes the child want to play there.

An infant isn't going to stay on a blanket because he's motivated to please his mother so she can ignore him while she does something else. Which is why people like the Pearls and Duggars resort to punishment when "training" 6 month old babies not to move off a blanket. 

Edited September 16, 2023 by Corraleno

[maize]

6 minutes ago, Corraleno said:

But blanket training is specifically for training infants to not move off a blanket. What you are describing with toddlers and up is more like what Montessori schools do, which is to encourage playing or working on a blanket or rug in a way that benefits the child and makes the child want to play there.

An infant isn't going to stay on a blanket because he's motivated to please his mother so she can ignore him while she does something else. Which is why people like the Pearls and Duggars resort to punishment when "training" 6 month old babies not to move off a blanket. 

If the quote above about having a bunch of little boys and initiating blanket time was from the Duggars (sorry I was skimming the thread and might have missed something,  but I thought it was from them) it sounds like they implemented whatever their version of blanket time was for kids of multiple ages not just babies.

[wendyroo]

1 hour ago, Melissa Louise said:

But why wouldn't you just play with the baby on the rug?

Sorry, I know I sound dense, I just don't get the effort re. training.

I feel like training a baby requires a level of independence that babies just don't have. 

 

 

Because sometimes life does not entirely revolve around the baby.

Sometimes I need to listen to a doctor as they give me instructions for medicating an older child. Sometimes I’m at a pre-natal appointment and need to be on the examine table for a few minutes. Sometimes I need to talk to a banker about setting up an account. 

My children ARE my life, but I only have a finite amount of attention. Sometime I can only give a small child enough attention to keep them safe, not enough to keep them entertained. That is why I put so much effort into helping them learn to entertain themselves from early on. 

[BronzeTurtle]

3 hours ago, Corraleno said:

Pretending that "blanket training" is a common term that has nothing to do with the Pearls, and that people claiming the abusive Pearls/Duggars version is the most common association are really reaching because hardly anyone has heard of the Pearls, is really disingenuous. That specific term is absolutely associated with the Pearls and the Duggars and with extremely abusive parenting techniques. If you google that term, the first thing that comes up is the Wikipedia entry, and nearly all the other hits on the first page are references to the Duggars and to abuse. The Wikipedia entry which is the top hit:

"Blanket training, also known as 'blanket time,' is a method adapted from the methods encouraged in To Train Up a Child, published in 1994 and written by Christian fundamentalists Michael and Debi Pearl. To Train Up a Child promotes several harsh parenting techniques, with a focus on child obedience, which have been linked to multiple child deaths.^[1][2]

Blanket training is an allocated amount of time during the day where an infant or toddler is required to remain on a blanket or play mat for a limited period of time, with a few selected toys. When the child moves to leave the blanket, parents are instructed to hit the child with a flexible ruler, glue stick, or another similar object.^[3] Many of those doing it have voiced online that they start by doing five minutes a day and build up the intervals over time, with some extending it to 30 minutes or more. 

Proponents of the technique claim that blanket training helps very young children to learn self-control, however, no empirical evidence currently exists to back these claims."

 

If you think many or even most people are exposed to this and know all of this that you just quoted I think you've vastly over estimated the reach of this stuff. Is it around? Sure? Do most parents today in 2023 read a book from 1994 to learn how to spank their babies on a blanket?

I do happen to think many or most people train their kids though, even if they want to call it teaching or mentoring or helping or whatever. They don't want their kids to get into unsafe stuff. The prime age for that is what? crawling, 9-10 months? to about 2 or 3? Attachment parents used slings or carriers as mentioned, some people use playpens, some people use extensive baby-proofing, some people use a mat or a blanket, a lot of people use a combination of. A small percentage of it is nefarious, but most people just don't want their babies to choke or get electrocuted.

But I just think this idea that anyone who happens to want their crawling babies and toddlers to accept some kind of restraint is abusive. heck, carriers are quite restraining and at least one of mine far preferred the playpen or didn't want to be strapped to someone by the time they could crawl. it would have been crazy of me to try to strap her to myself and expect to get anything done. I'm glad it works for others. But I don't assume someone with a crying baby strapped to themselves is somehow doing it out of abuse to their kid who clearly isn't interested. parents do things for babies and toddlers that they don't like and don't want to be doing. it isn't all from a 1994 book that advocates pluming line for beatings.

[Melissa Louise]

Who keeps their baby in a sling if the baby doesn't like it? No-one. 

Idk. Babies, guys. Tiny. Work with them. 

(Conceding I'm sensitized to this whole training business - training is for dogs, imo, not babies).

[BronzeTurtle]

29 minutes ago, Corraleno said:

But blanket training is specifically for training infants to not move off a blanket. What you are describing with toddlers and up is more like what Montessori schools do, which is to encourage playing or working on a blanket or rug in a way that benefits the child and makes the child want to play there.

An infant isn't going to stay on a blanket because he's motivated to please his mother so she can ignore him while she does something else. Which is why people like the Pearls and Duggars resort to punishment when "training" 6 month old babies not to move off a blanket. 

the whole point of the conversation is that perhaps someone referring to blanket training or training a "baby" to stay on a blanket may not be referring to what the duggars/pearls do, and in fact would never think to refer to it for a baby that could barely crawl much less deliberately move in any given direction or see a visual boundary.

Have you not ever heard of toddlers or older babies referred to as babies? Maybe it is just us old ladies in this part of the world that talk that way.

[BronzeTurtle]

2 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Who keeps their baby in a sling if the baby doesn't like it? No-one. 

Idk. Babies, guys. Tiny. Work with them. 

(Conceding I'm sensitized to this whole training business - training is for dogs, imo, not babies).

But tiny babies don't crawl. I'm so confused.

For the carrier thing I've seen plenty of moms with babies would would rather not be in their carrier with moms trying to get them to sleep or make it through a grocery store. I feel like everything I mention is like, well NO ONE EVER DOES THAT and it's so weird to me because it seems like a normal human thing around town. No one ever restrains their babies in a sling? Or anywhere? in a shopping cart? In a stroller? In a playpen? car seats? When they don't want to be there? This is a baffling revalation and I'm not being facetious. babies in public often have meltdowns and don't want to be where they are. It isn't abusive to keep them there, in fact sometimes you have to by law in the case of car seats. I'm not being pedantic here I just don't understand the responses.

Also training applies to many people so if it's just a loaded word, think of teaching instead? Helping to understand? I got training all through adulthood every time i started a new job. I am not a dog, as far as I can discern.

[Clarita]

1 minute ago, Melissa Louise said:

Who keeps their baby in a sling if the baby doesn't like it? No-one. 

Actually as much as I am let babies/toddlers/kids be babies/toddlers/kids, I have very much kept my baby in a sling(actually baby backpack) when he didn't like it. He was mobile by 1 month and never really liked being held by me or the stroller or the playpen for long.  

How was my baby mobile you ask? By rolling to his destinations and he could walk by 6 months. So, yes that kiddo got strapped to me when he didn't want it because there are some floors I didn't want my baby on. 

[Melissa Louise]

I don't think we get many young new moms here.

Gotta say though, if any are reading along  - big, big fan of changing the environment and not the baby.

You can keep a crawling baby safe without blanket training. 

 

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, BronzeTurtle said:

But tiny babies don't crawl. I'm so confused.

For the carrier thing I've seen plenty of moms with babies would would rather not be in their carrier with moms trying to get them to sleep or make it through a grocery store. I feel like everything I mention is like, well NO ONE EVER DOES THAT and it's so weird to me because it seems like a normal human thing around town. No one ever restrains their babies in a sling? Or anywhere? in a shopping cart? In a stroller? In a playpen? car seats? When they don't want to be there? This is a baffling revalation and I'm not being facetious. babies in public often have meltdowns and don't want to be where they are. It isn't abusive to keep them there, in fact sometimes you have to by law in the case of car seats. I'm not being pedantic here I just don't understand the responses.

Also training applies to many people so if it's just a loaded word, think of teaching instead? Helping to understand? I got training all through adulthood every time i started a new job. I am not a dog, as far as I can discern.

Babies - under 12 months or so. They can definitely move, shuffle and crawl at some point in the first year. 

 

 

 

 

[Melissa Louise]

10 minutes ago, Clarita said:

Actually as much as I am let babies/toddlers/kids be babies/toddlers/kids, I have very much kept my baby in a sling(actually baby backpack) when he didn't like it. He was mobile by 1 month and never really liked being held by me or the stroller or the playpen for long.  

How was my baby mobile you ask? By rolling to his destinations and he could walk by 6 months. So, yes that kiddo got strapped to me when he didn't want it because there are some floors I didn't want my baby on. 

I had a super early walker too. It definitely has its challenges!! 

I think breastfeeding was my parenting superpower. The babies would all pretty much stay contained for milk and mom snuggles ( though the toddlers got increasingly acrobatic about it!) 

I have a memory of reading aloud to my girls while ds breastfed upside down from the back of the sofa, but that can't be right ?! 😂

 

[Drama Llama]

9 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

I had a super early walker too. It definitely has its challenges!! 

I think breastfeeding was my parenting superpower. The babies would all pretty much stay contained for milk and mom snuggles ( though the toddlers got increasingly acrobatic about it!) 

I have a memory of reading aloud to my girls while ds breastfed upside down from the back of the sofa, but that can't be right ?! 😂

 

But that's your kids.  My youngest wasn't like that.  He was a super efficient breastfeeder and then he was done and wanted to get back to playing rather than snuggling.  

On the other hand, my kids would repeat behaviors that made me smile at like 4 months, so even my youngest, who walked super early, was motivated to please me, or get a happy reaction from me, before walking.  

[Melissa Louise]

10 minutes ago, Drama Llama said:

But that's your kids.  My youngest wasn't like that.  He was a super efficient breastfeeder and then he was done and wanted to get back to playing rather than snuggling.  

On the other hand, my kids would repeat behaviors that made me smile at like 4 months, so even my youngest, who walked super early, was motivated to please me, or get a happy reaction from me, before walking.  

Yeah, sure, but blanket 'training', a practice emerging out of fundamentalist crazy-town, which is the only context this mama, who nannied extensively before kids of her own in more than one country, has ever heard of, is not a requirement for any baby regardless of their temperament. 

Babies can be kept safe and happy in a multitude of ways, none of which have to involve working to reinforce the (fairly unnatural for many infants) behavior of sitting away from the mother or other caretaker in a very small and defined area for a pre-determined period of time.

I am very unsure of why people are so keen to defend 'blanket training'. 

Or the training of infants full stop. 

But I am starting to understand why people thought I was crazy! Signed, did not really confine to high chairs, car seats, or strollers either. 

 

 

Edited September 17, 2023 by Melissa Louise

[maize]

40 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Who keeps their baby in a sling if the baby doesn't like it? No-one. 

Idk. Babies, guys. Tiny. Work with them. 

I'm very much an attachment parent, but I did keep my babies in car seats even when they didn't like it. The only way to get around in my area is by car and the only way for a baby to ride safely in a car is in a car seat.

So yeah, I forced that on them even when they screamed bloody murder over it. Can't say I liked it much more than they did, but safety and legality were both on the side of keeping the kid restrained.

That reality does make me roll my eyes just a bit when someone suggests that babies and toddlers should have bodily autonomy at all times and anything else is abusive. We all have to live with some realities we don't like--even babies.

[rebcoola]

"Blanket training" is when you literally tempt a baby who is just learning to reach and move with a toy and then punish them  in some way for going for the toy. That will definitely extinguish curiosity to a degree and yes instructed people to do this as soon as baby can reach for a toy so incredibly young.

That is not the same as using a blanket and toys to encourage a baby to play in a safe space and if baby is struggling they are given new toys or picked up and put on a lap or in a container

 

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, maize said:

I'm very much an attachment parent, but I did keep my babies in car seats even when they didn't like it. The only way to get around in my area is by car and the only way for a baby to ride safely in a car is in a car seat.

So yeah, I forced that on them even when they screamed bloody murder over it. Can't say I liked it much more than they did, but safety and legality were both on the side of keeping the kid restrained.

That reality does make me roll my eyes just a bit when someone suggests that babies and toddlers should have bodily autonomy at all times and anything else is abusive. We all have to live with some realities we don't like--even babies.

We do have to live with some limits, even for babies. 

Mine were restrained for vaccinations, for example. It's horrible.

I think parents do have to very carefully weigh up the cost-benefit of infant restraint. If you had other options than car travel, you may have decided to use those. Or another family may decide to minimize car travel for a time. I know families who made these choices when these choices were available.

Having unavoidable times of restraint doesn't mean that blanket 'training' is a required feature of infant rearing.

 

[Pam in CT]

Blankets function beautifully as a magnificently portable more-or-less clean surface.

Using a blanket on the floor with a sitting-up or starting-to-crawl baby, as opposed to using a playpen or a stroller or wrap or a backpack or bouncy chair or blah blah blah, is not "blanket training."  The word "training" is the tell.

 

 

Thanks for joining my Ted talk.

 

[Melissa Louise]

15 minutes ago, maize said:

I'm very much an attachment parent, but I did keep my babies in car seats even when they didn't like it. The only way to get around in my area is by car and the only way for a baby to ride safely in a car is in a car seat.

So yeah, I forced that on them even when they screamed bloody murder over it. Can't say I liked it much more than they did, but safety and legality were both on the side of keeping the kid restrained.

That reality does make me roll my eyes just a bit when someone suggests that babies and toddlers should have bodily autonomy at all times and anything else is abusive. We all have to live with some realities we don't like--even babies.

Just to add, I think when you've been neglected and/or abused as an infant and child, you are naturally going to be quite sensitive to making sure you restrain infants the absolute bare minimum.

And you are going to respect the autonomy of babies as much as is humanly possible. Because you understand that even babies can experience trauma.

And so you are never going to see 'blanket training' as something that really fits in well with prioritizing physical attachment. 

People can roll their eyes about it. That's fine. 

I'm a lost cause. Training babies - no. Don't do it. 

(Yes, sometimes we need to cause them suffering to avoid greater suffering. It's a tragedy of parenthood - let's not embrace it as an elective -  for core needs only).

Edited September 17, 2023 by Melissa Louise

[Terabith]

I did not train my older babies or toddlers to stay on a particular surface, but I don’t think that teaching them to do so (or many other things) through encouragement, enticement, or rewarding them for doing so for limited periods of time (appointments, sporting events) is in any way harmful or remotely the same thing as what the Pearls did.  Honestly, as abhorrent as physical punishment is, especially for babies, what I find horrifying about what they do was encouraging the babies to leave and then punishing them for doing so. Neither Wendy nor DramaLlama refer to what they did with their kids as blanket training, in the same way that a lot of us don’t advertise other things about us because those terms have been taken over by other groups.  My general parenting philosophy was to modify the environment to keep my kids safe but I did absolutely train them to do certain things by positively reinforcing when they did so. And I certainly restrained them at times they didn’t want to be restrained, since we had no real alternative to driving places and at times I had to do other things either for myself or the other child.  It’s just part of life.  

[ktgrok]

3 hours ago, HS Mom in NC said:

Because the blanket is easier to move and clean. I used a medium sized, lightweight  area rug. I had a bin of special toys that we only got out when I was "blanket training", although I didn't call it that because we weren't doing what the Pearls recommended and we didn't want to be associated with their nonsense. There were special treats too that she only had during that time.  I did it only for morning read alouds or when I needed use all together and I was focused on the older two (older two re 7 and 9 years older than youngest), which was about 30 minutes max.  When the youngest crawled off the blanket, we matter of factly picked her up, gave her a hug/kiss, put her back on it, handed her a toy or treat or both, and kept doing what we were doing. No scolding, no spanking, no talking at all, just physical redirection and enjoying a book and togetherness.
 

that this worked blows my mind, honestly. I mean, I believe I could have put cool toys on a blanket and my kid MIGHT have played with them. But equally might have tossed them off the blanket gleefully and then crawled off. 

Now, if we mean older toddler who can somewhat understand what you want, maybe, for a few minutes. Maybe. 

2 hours ago, Drama Llama said:

For me, I did the blanket because the times I needed them contained were usually outside.  And telling my kid "stay off the baseball diamond" or "stay out of the street" would have drawn their attention to those things.  So, I just said, "let's play here", or "X (trucks, snacks etc . . .) stay on the blanket".   My youngest was obsessed with being tickled so we did a lot of tickling on the blanket. 

With my oldest it always worked.  With my youngest, it wasn't perfect, but if it meant that I had to chase him to stop him from running towards someone swinging a bat, or towards the street once an hour, rather than once every 5 minutes, then that was helpful.

And we combined it with other strategies like going to the playground for a loooong time before games, and trying to time it so he was hungry at the game so that snacks would be super reinforcing (this was not hard, my youngest likes to eat), or having toys that were just for the sidelines.  

If they were old enough to fully understand things like, "hey, I need you to stay sitting here on the blanket, okay" then sure. But that's not what people are referring to as "training". that's just asking the kid to do something. 

The training they talk about starts as soon as they can crawl. 

[Melissa in Australia]

 The lady I knew who did it it was Before crawling. When the baby could reach out and just barely wriggle or roll. Very tiny baby 

Edited September 17, 2023 by Melissa in Australia

[Drama Llama]

8 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

that this worked blows my mind, honestly. I mean, I believe I could have put cool toys on a blanket and my kid MIGHT have played with them. But equally might have tossed them off the blanket gleefully and then crawled off. 

My older kid always wanted to be close to me, so it was easy, but my younger kid only crawled for a minute and then he was running.

Which meant we had lots of of opportunities to practice.  If he tossed a toy off, I'd toss it back on, and I'd toss it back and then praise them for getting back on the blanket.  

8 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

Now, if we mean older toddler who can somewhat understand what you want, maybe, for a few minutes. Maybe. 

If they were old enough to fully understand things like, "hey, I need you to stay sitting here on the blanket, okay" then sure. But that's not what people are referring to as "training". that's just asking the kid to do something. 

The training they talk about starts as soon as they can crawl. 

I definitely started pretty early.

I think some of it is that before I was a mom, I was a special educator with a specialization with kids with behavioral disabilities.  So, I can be both gentle (because yelling or punishing isn't an option in a school setting) and very persistent.  Maybe that's why it worked for @wendyroo too.
 

[BronzeTurtle]

1 hour ago, Melissa Louise said:

 

Having unavoidable times of restraint doesn't mean that blanket 'training' is a required feature of infant rearing.

 

No one has said it is.

[Sneezyone]

7 hours ago, BronzeTurtle said:

Training a kid to sit on a blanket, regardless of how that is done, is blanket training. Most people have not read anything by the Pearls in their entire lives. And how many people may have trained their kid to stay in a certain spot, either with bribes or redirection or physical containment.

You claiming the Pearl's right to claim a term for all of parenting for all time is silly.

Most folks here, a handful excluded, R&D, rich/poor, etc. HAVEN’T advocated for or attempted to make an infant stay on a blanket. LET THAT SINK IN. This is FRINGY, abusive, behavior. For those following along at home, do better.

Edited September 17, 2023 by Sneezyone

[wendyroo]

58 minutes ago, Drama Llama said:

So, I can be both gentle (because yelling or punishing isn't an option in a school setting) and very persistent.  Maybe that's why it worked for @wendyroo too.
 

I started teaching my kids to play on a blanket when they were 6-9 months old.

But even babies much younger than that can be "trained"/taught.

Around 12 weeks I started teaching my babies to lay still for diaper changes. I always sang the alphabet song while changing diapers, and made sure the song ended right as I finished. When they started to get more mobile, and tried to roll away while I changed them, I would stop singing, patiently wait for them to stop struggling, and then cheerfully start singing again as soon as they were still for even an instant. Lather, rinse, repeat. 

As Drama Llama said, it took consistency and persistence, but all of my babies quickly figured out that I would not let them leave until I got to "next time won't you sing with me", and that the fastest way to get there was to lay still for a couple minutes.

Obviously they all got annoyed with me during the teaching process, but then it removed SO MUCH conflict for the next year+. It empowered them in the same way adults are by an "Approximately 1 hour of waiting from this point forward" sign or a "Now being served" number at a deli. Neither of those reduce the wait time, but they both allow you to come to terms with it and plan how you are going to occupy yourself.

[Sneezyone]

How does one ‘teach’ a newborn to lie still for a diaper change?! Never mind, don’t wanna know. Happy with my untaught, independently thoughtful kids. 

Edited September 17, 2023 by Sneezyone

[Ting Tang]

12 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

Most folks here, a handful excluded, R&D, rich/poor, etc. HAVEN’T advocated for or attempted to make an infant stay on a blanket. LET THAT SINK IN. This is FRINGY, abusive, behavior. For those following along at home, do better.

Yeah, I don’t even know what to say here. But I do equate it with the sinister things such as teasing the baby and then swatting the baby into compliance. I know this post suggests you can train a baby to self contain, but even my dog hesitates to go into her crate every so often. So then what? Throw a few puffs or baby mum mums onto the blanket? 

[maize]

6 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

How does one ‘teach’ a newborn to lie still for a diaper change?! Never mind, don’t wanna know. Happy with my untaught, independently thoughtful kids. 

?

She explained her process. It sounded quite reasonable to me.

Would it work with every kid? Of course not-- nothing does! But it worked for hers and from her description was definitely not in the realm of abusive behavior. 

[Drama Llama]

5 minutes ago, Ting Tang said:

Yeah, I don’t even know what to say here. But I do equate it with the sinister things such as teasing the baby and then swatting the baby into compliance. I know this post suggests you can train a baby to self contain, but even my dog hesitates to go into her crate every so often. So then what? Throw a few puffs or baby mum mums onto the blanket? 

Decide it's time to try something else, and pick them up and put them on your shoulders and see if they'd like to watch the game from there, or hold your hand and go for a walk, or pull out a new toy or snack or a book and see if they'll reengage?  

I don't know, those are the things I'd do.  

[Sneezyone]

9 minutes ago, Ting Tang said:

Yeah, I don’t even know what to say here. But I do equate it with the sinister things such as teasing the baby and then swatting the baby into compliance. I know this post suggests you can train a baby to self contain, but even my dog hesitates to go into her crate every so often. So then what? Throw a few puffs or baby mum mums onto the blanket? 

My dogs get better care/consideration than some of these infants. We anticipate their needs. Remove obstacles/barriers/hazards, and don’t blame/chastise them when we can’t adequately supervise/make their environs safe.

Edited September 17, 2023 by Sneezyone

[Sneezyone]

2 minutes ago, maize said:

?

She explained her process. It sounded quite reasonable to me.

Would it work with every kid? Of course not-- nothing does! But it worked for hers and from her description was definitely not in the realm of abusive behavior. 

12 WEEKS!!  WHO TF knows their kid is NT/ND at 12 weeks??

[maize]

Just now, Sneezyone said:

12 WEEKS!!  WHO TF knows their kid is NT/ND at 12 weeks??

If you try it and it doesn't work, you try something else.

[Sneezyone]

2 minutes ago, maize said:

If you try it and it doesn't work, you try something else.

I don’t try shit other than meeting **needs** with my 12 week old BABIES. I will not excuse abusive foolishness.

Edited September 17, 2023 by Sneezyone

[wendyroo]

2 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

12 WEEKS!!  WHO TF knows their kid is NT/ND at 12 weeks??

NT as in neurotypical? None of my kids are neurotypical, not even close.