How to make yourself do what you know you should do

[TexasProud]

I do not need to be on this board.  Another poster is upsetting me.  How do I make myself not be here?

Struggling.  Not sure what I did to my back.  I could be doing all sorts of writing since sitting in this recliner isn't bothering me.  But stand or walk for 10 minutes, forget it.  I am doing Lamaze breathing for the pain. (Bottome left back and yes, I have an appointment tomorrow morning)

I have basically been streaming Good Wife in between going to the bathroom or looking on here.  I could be reading.  I could call friends or relatives.  But I do not.  

GRRR

Just so frustrating.  Last week without my husband I was doing so well: walking or excersing every day, going to the coffee shop or here with Unchained Writer getting tons of writing done, lots of stuff with friends, decluttering..  Now since Friday, just streaming...  so frustrated with myself. 

[QueenCat]

Put the poster on IGNORE. 

[TexasProud]

BUT THEY ARE WRONG

[Katy]

Well, first block the person who is bothering you. Then if you really want off, think about what feeling the board gives you (support, community, something else?) and figure out how to get that feeling elsewhere. 

[regentrude]

2 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

BUT THEY ARE WRONG

but you still don't need to argue with a stranger on the internet who is wrong 🙂

You won't be changing their mind anyway

Edited July 24, 2023 by regentrude

[Katy]

There is no end to wrong people on the internet. Why is it your job to change someone who might well be trolling to aggravate you on purpose?

[TexasProud]

Just now, Katy said:

There is no end to wrong people on the internet. Why is it your job to change someone who might well be trolling to aggravate you on purpose?

Because I feel helpless.  Because I have nothing else to do or rather can make myself do.  Now I am so incredibly angry and upset.....    

[TexasProud]

And I am gaining the weight back because all I am doing is sitting here and eating..  

[Katy]

Okay, as a former nurse, if you’re having pain so  bad you need to manage it with breathing, please consider urgent care or the ER. 

If that won’t work, please change from a show that’s morally stressful to something funny (to you) with no moral stress. If that won’t work, please consider turning to hymns or worship music. 

And finally, it seems like you’ve been having a lot of moral struggles with people who are wrong. Almost as if God is trying to teach you something about dealing with these people. What lesson do you think that might be? 

[TexasProud]

2 minutes ago, Katy said:

Okay, as a former nurse, if you’re having pain so  bad you need to manage it with breathing, please consider urgent care or the ER. 

If that won’t work, please change from a show that’s morally stressful to something funny (to you) with no moral stress. If that won’t work, please consider turning to hymns or worship music. 

 

I don't hurt at all sitting in this chair and for 5 minutes or so after I get up.  It has been this way for 4 days.  I will be fine until tomorrow morning. 

Why the reference to a show that is morally stressful???  That confuses me. Not sure what you mean. 

[Ditto]

15 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

BUT THEY ARE WRONG

It is very hard to walk away (literally and figuratively) when we feel this way.  Very hard.  But at some point we each have to take care of ourselves and do what is best for our health (mental and physical).   Put the poster on ignore.  I have had to put 2-3 on ignore over the years.  Like you, I knew they were wrong but I also knew that they didn't know, weren't rational enough to be reasonable, and my best course of action was to take the high road and "walk" away.   The fact is that you won't be able to change the person's mind and you are being harmed.  Put them on ignore and move on with your life.  You don't need this headache.   Please be gentle and kind with yourself.  Some days are just harder than others.

[Katy]

4 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

I don't hurt at all sitting in this chair and for 5 minutes or so after I get up.  It has been this way for 4 days.  I will be fine until tomorrow morning. 

Why the reference to a show that is morally stressful???  That confuses me. Not sure what you mean. 

Good Wife

[TexasProud]

Just now, Katy said:

Good Wife

Yeah, but morally stressful??? It is just a show.

[TexasProud]

I guess I could get out my DVD's of The Closer....

[Katy]

If it’s not a tense and stressful show for you, that’s fine. But comedy has been shown to relieve stress and increase pain tolerance in ways drama cannot. 

[Indigo Blue]

Hey, Texas, get off WTM and watch this. That’s an order!😂😂

 

[TexasProud]

1 minute ago, Indigo Blue said:

Hey, Texas, get off WTM and watch this. That’s an order!😂😂

 

Don't think I have this DVD, but have 3 of his.  When my middle son was younger, he could do a perfect impression of several of his monologues.  LOL

[marbel]

Why is it important to you to engage with a stranger who is wrong on the internet? Do you seriously think you are going to make them see that they are wrong? 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I don’t even wade into disagreements online because I’m not going to change anyone’s mind.  
I have also been really struggling this summer just to get things done. In my case I’m sure it’s burn out.  Is there some highly preferred activity you can use as a reward for yourself for doing things? I have an article I am totally procrastinating on and have promised myself two new books once it’s done.

[TexasProud]

3 minutes ago, marbel said:

Why is it important to you to engage with a stranger who is wrong on the internet? Do you seriously think you are going to make them see that they are wrong? 

Probably not.  I am not friends with anyone on facebook for precisely the same reason.  If I am somewhere in real life, I make myself as small as possible and leave the area as soon as possible.

Why on here?  I don't know....  But I cannot stay away. 

[HomeAgain]

I reward myself when I do something productive.  After a while, it just becomes a habit.  And I've started getting selfish with my time so that I'm not "on call" all the time for other people's needs.  I seriously tell everyone I'm unavailable for X hours and I do what I want.  But it requires knowing something to be productive with and setting yourself to do it, which is where the reward comes in.

 

As far as disagreeing with someone online, really, block them. I had you blocked for quite a while for being irrationally rude, and I didn't regret it in the least.  It made me feel better not to interact with you while I was still frustrated.  I wasn't going to change your mind and you weren't going to change mine, so it was just a better plan for sanity to practice serenity.  It would have been far worse to continue - and it's not even so much about you, but about how I would feel.  It would have been worse for me.

[TexasProud]

Just now, HomeAgain said:

I reward myself when I do something productive.  After a while, it just becomes a habit.  And I've started getting selfish with my time so that I'm not "on call" all the time for other people's needs.  I seriously tell everyone I'm unavailable for X hours and I do what I want.  But it requires knowing something to be productive with and setting yourself to do it, which is where the reward comes in.

But because of my back, I cannot do a lot of stuff.  What do I reward myself with???  As I said, I used some of those strategies last week.  But now, I have nothing to reward myself with. 

[HomeAgain]

Just now, TexasProud said:

But because of my back, I cannot do a lot of stuff.  What do I reward myself with???  As I said, I used some of those strategies last week.  But now, I have nothing to reward myself with. 

You can write.  You can read.  You can listen to a podcast.  Productive doesn't have to be material.  You reward yourself by watching a show, having a favorite snack.

[marbel]

7 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Probably not.  I am not friends with anyone on facebook for precisely the same reason.  If I am somewhere in real life, I make myself as small as possible and leave the area as soon as possible.

Why on here?  I don't know....  But I cannot stay away. 

So, I think you might want to take a complete board break for a while. (IIRC people may have suggested this to you before?)

A couple years ago I found myself spending too much time on here, getting a bit too cranked up over some topics, and just generally finding it was affecting my general satisfaction with my free time. So that year I took a break for Lent (I just picked Lent because it was coming up; I don't normally observe Lent with a fast or deprivation of any kind). 

I missed it a bit, but I stuck with it by consciously having other things at the ready to do when I got the temptation to check in. I read, worked on an embroidery project, enjoyed my instagram feed (which I fill with lovely and/or funny and/or useful things; I don't follow any individual people and no one follows me), listened to audiobooks, stuff like that. When I came back after that period, I found the break had really helped me reset my expectations about how much I was going to engage here. I was and continue to be able to ignore threads/topics/people as needed to keep this enjoyable for me. I am not in charge of changing anyone's opinion, correcting anyone's errors, defending God/Christianity, etc., etc. 

I would suggest setting a specific time frame for yourself - in my case it was easy, Lent has a beginning and an end - but I think you should do it for at least a month to detox yourself, so to speak.  Maybe you will find there is a lot more to do than you think when you are not stressing out about threads here.

Obviously you are free to ignore this; I'm just making a suggestion because you bring up this sort of distress every now and then.  

[TexasProud]

1 minute ago, marbel said:

So, I think you might want to take a complete board break for a while. (IIRC people may have suggested this to you before?)

A couple years ago I found myself spending too much time on here, getting a bit too cranked up over some topics, and just generally finding it was affecting my general satisfaction with my free time. So that year I took a break for Lent (I just picked Lent because it was coming up; I don't normally observe Lent with a fast or deprivation of any kind). 

I missed it a bit, but I stuck with it by consciously having other things at the ready to do when I got the temptation to check in. I read, worked on an embroidery project, enjoyed my instagram feed (which I fill with lovely and/or funny and/or useful things; I don't follow any individual people and no one follows me), listened to audiobooks, stuff like that. When I came back after that period, I found the break had really helped me reset my expectations about how much I was going to engage here. I was and continue to be able to ignore threads/topics/people as needed to keep this enjoyable for me. I am not in charge of changing anyone's opinion, correcting anyone's errors, defending God/Christianity, etc., etc. 

I would suggest setting a specific time frame for yourself - in my case it was easy, Lent has a beginning and an end - but I think you should do it for at least a month to detox yourself, so to speak.  Maybe you will find there is a lot more to do than you think when you are not stressing out about threads here.

Obviously you are free to ignore this; I'm just making a suggestion because you bring up this sort of distress every now and then.  

I can't.  I don't know how. This is part of the reason why i never wanted to drink or take drugs.  I know I would never, ever stop. 

[Carol in Cal.]

It sounds like you have a bit of an addiction.  I’d address it that way.

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

BUT THEY ARE WRONG

Is it really that the person is wrong, or is that the person being very nasty to you?

I'm sorry you're so upset and I don't know which thread you're talking about, but maybe the person is intentionally trying to make you feel badly. Don't let that person win!

[TexasProud]

Just now, Catwoman said:

Is it really that the person is wrong, or is that the person being very nasty to you?

I'm sorry you're so upset and I don't know which thread you're talking about, but maybe the person is intentionally trying to make you feel badly. Don't let that person win!

No, they are not intentionally making me feel bad.  They sincerely believe that what I think is wrong and uses terms like clutching pearls and such. I do not like to be disrespected in that way. Period. You can disagree. Don't call me names.  But to her, all of us who believe a certain way are a danger to society. 

[TexasProud]

4 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

It sounds like you have a bit of an addiction.  I’d address it that way.

LOL, they do not have 12 step programs for message boards...  

[Catwoman]

1 minute ago, TexasProud said:

No, they are not intentionally making me feel bad.  They sincerely believe that what I think is wrong and uses terms like clutching pearls and such. I do not like to be disrespected in that way. Period. You can disagree. Don't call me names.  But to her, all of us who believe a certain way are a danger to society. 

If someone is calling you names, they are intentionally trying to make you feel badly about yourself and your beliefs.

[TexasProud]

Just now, Catwoman said:

If someone is calling you names, they are intentionally trying to make you feel badly about yourself and your beliefs.

No, they are just misguided.  I know they have no personal animosity to me, but believe strongly. 

[Catwoman]

Just now, TexasProud said:

No, they are just misguided.  I know they have no personal animosity to me, but believe strongly. 

If that's the case, I would just walk away from the thread. You're not going to change their mind and they aren't going to change yours, and if the person is being disrespectful about it, the best thing you can do is to make sure you have stated your opinion clearly, and then stop reading that thread. I know it's hard, but if the other person will never back down, it's not worth torturing yourself by going back to the thread.

[Grace Hopper]

5 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Is it really that the person is wrong, or is that the person being very nasty to you?

I'm sorry you're so upset and I don't know which thread you're talking about, but maybe the person is intentionally trying to make you feel badly. Don't let that person win!

Thanks for this post. the thread of which she speaks includes comments by other posters who are not wrong, but have a different set of opinions, which they are not afraid to advocate for. And on this board, a public forum, that is allowed. 
 

OP, I do think you need a board break. You can remove all cookies so it’s harder to navigate to the site. You can choose some other way to spend your time. You definitely don’t have to prove yourself right to a stranger on the internet. You’ll never find peace in that. 

[Shelydon]

1 hour ago, QueenCat said:

Put the poster on IGNORE. 

How do you do this? 

[TexasProud]

1 minute ago, Shelydon said:

How do you do this? 

Click on your name and then in the pull downs it says ignored users. Click on that. Then type in the name of the user you want to ignore.

[Shelydon]

Just now, TexasProud said:

Click on your name and then in the pull downs it says ignored users. Click on that. Then type in the name of the user you want to ignore.

Thank you!! I don't post much because of a specific person on here who I find super obnoxious. 

[desertflower]

I'm sorry this is happening to you.  I know it's not easy, but like others said, just walk away.

On another note, have you seen Stranger Things?  I can't get enough of it!  Most episodes had me wanting to see the next one!  Kept me wanting more!  That may keep your mind off this forum.  🙂 

I hope your back feels better.  I have back problems too and I know how you feel.  Think of it as a much needed vacation.  🙂 

[marbel]

31 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

I can't.  I don't know how. This is part of the reason why i never wanted to drink or take drugs.  I know I would never, ever stop. 

I'll recommend a book to you:  Joyful Surrender: 7 Disciplines for the Believer's Life by Elisabeth Elliot. You may know it by a former title: Discipline, the Glad Surrender.

Available from Amazon on Kindle for instant gratification. Or in paperback. 

[TexasProud]

Just now, desertflower said:

I'm sorry this is happening to you.  I know it's not easy, but like others said, just walk away.

On another note, have you seen Stranger Things?  I can't get enough of it!  Most episodes had me wanting to see the next one!  Kept me wanting more!  That may keep your mind off this forum.  🙂 

I hope your back feels better.  I have back problems too and I know how you feel.  Think of it as a much needed vacation.  🙂 

Thank you.  Yes, I have seen it.  I plan to rewatch the whole thing right before it comes out again. I actually wrote a partial blog post about it, though I never finished it.  My husband has never seen it.  I can't decide if he would enjoy it.  I wish it had a little less language, but it is typical for the 80's.  

[Shelydon]

2 minutes ago, Shelydon said:

Thank you!! I don't post much because of a specific person on here who I find super obnoxious. 

It worked. Yay! Thank you 

[TexasProud]

3 minutes ago, marbel said:

I'll recommend a book to you:  Joyful Surrender: 7 Disciplines for the Believer's Life by Elisabeth Elliot. You may know it by a former title: Discipline, the Glad Surrender.

Available from Amazon on Kindle for instant gratification. Or in paperback. 

Bought it. I will read it after I finish the 3 books I am in the process of reading. I need those for my newsletter. 

[KSera]

43 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

LOL, they do not have 12 step programs for message boards...  

They actually do! You can do a search and find a bunch. Here’s the first one that came up for me: https://internetaddictsanonymous.org/

[Melissa Louise]

I have authority to speak to you, Texas, on misguided arguing with strangers on the internet 🙂

For me, it's almost always a coping mechanism.

I live a very stressful life, and it can feel (falsely) empowering to prosecute a case online. It's the ultimate form of being in your head, and ignoring you have a body. It's almost a way of disassociating. Also, it is super annoying when people are wrong, lol.

How do you stop it?  Good question! 

First, you know and find words to describe what is happening, which you've done here.

Then, you might feel the feelings about it. "I feel hurt and disrespected". OK, fair! Feel it! It feels horrible and it might even mean you cry, and maybe as you cry you realise you are also feeling hurt and disrespected about another situation altogether (or maybe not) but either way, feeling what you feel and crying is going to help you move to the other side of the feelings. (You write, you could journal about it at this step of feeling the feelings).*

At the other side of the feelings is a place for reflection on what happened, on why you were provoked, what felt bad (or good) about it, what you were ignoring by engaging, what feelings and associations were brought up, what you might like to do in response, how you will deal next time.

Anyway, that's my 2c. You don't have a process addiction or whatever, and even if you did, that's just a label for an emotional process of avoidance and clumsy attempts to work through in the form of here. 

*I know that feeling feelings fully sometimes seems intolerable. I frequently feel I am going to die of whatever emotion I'm feeling in these charged moments or days or weeks...I have not died of feelings yet! But it is hard, and I don't blame you if you find it hard too.

 

 

 

 

 

[Melissa Louise]

I just want to add, there is a way in which advice-seeking functions to keep us from feeling.

Books can be helpful, but no book in the world has a short-cut to dealing with our emotional life, and some self-help books simply pile on a new load of 'shoulds', which makes us feel bad in new and unique ways!

However, I do have some advice, which is, rather than read a whole stack of new shoulds, try some self-compassion meditation (it is not anti-Christian). 

https://self-compassion.org/guided-self-compassion-meditations-mp3-2/

I mean, right now, I'm feeling compassion for you, because man, it sucks to be human sometimes, and I don't even know you! so you would be even better at giving yourself compassion. 

 

[Indigo Blue]

Maybe you could ask yourself to discern whether you are having a fair and respectful discussion or are you are just engaging with a disagreeable and difficult person. If it’s the latter, why bother to have a discussion? We all have different opinions. Grown adults should be able to discuss those. Not barge in and bull doze you down. This is when you should know you are wasting your time, and that  it doesn’t matter what such a person says to you  or thinks about you. I’ve been here long enough to see that some people just want to be mean. Thank goodness, most don’t. 
 

[annandatje]

decided against getting drawn into thread

Edited July 25, 2023 by annandatje

[Rosie_0801]

It is entirely normal for morale to dive when your people are absent.

This has been my life for six and a half years now.

I survive it by doing what I can and thinking it's entirely reasonable that I can't when I can't.

One can negotiate with Reality, but one can't fight it and win, it's too big.

[TexasProud]

Rosie,

I know others have said it. But I wish we had a like button for your posts. 🙂

 

[Red Dove]

I get kind of down when I’m in pain. That might be contributing to your feelings. I know that’s how it is for me. 

 

As far as someone being insensitive online, I know the first time I posted something on here, one of the comments seemed pretty rude to me. It hurt my feelings. I have since tried to remind myself to not take it so personally. Especially since the rude comments often times come first and loudest. 

[Rosie_0801]

5 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Yeah, I would just make another board name. I know..it is against the rules, but I have had like 4 or more names.  Some y'all haven't discovered yet.  I just use them occasionally to keep them current. 

You're being wrong on the internet! :svengo: