rebcoola Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 1 hour ago, TechWife said: I may delete this later because I’m a bit of a chicken. People have mentioned touch. But there’s something missing from that & it was the first thing that came to my mind when I read this question earlier today. I was going to say this earlier, but chickened out. S3x people. S3x. Making wh00pie. Making love. Int3rcourse. Whatever you want to call it,. S3x. Yes I almost added that but was distracted and couldn't think of a good way to say it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Grace Hopper said: I hear you but can I say, what I really value is non-sexual touch? Because the physical is available all the time. I feel most loved - and respected - when there can be physical touch without a goal in mind other than just being in proximity to one another. This! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 57 minutes ago, rebcoola said: Yes I almost added that but was distracted and couldn't think of a good way to say it. Yeah, I used "intimacy." 🐔 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarita Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 Recently I discovered a way to do "intimacy" in a super cuddly/snuggly manner. That is a winner. It's nothing like I had ever seen in movies now I wish they showed more different ways of doing intimacy in media. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 A lot more people show me love than just my husband. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 (edited) Words of affirmation and physical touch are about equal for me from a romantic partner. Quality time is a close third. From others words of affirmation and quality time are most important. Acts of service are nice but not huge to me, unless it is something I am doing with that person. I love doing things with other people, but don't necessarily want them done for me. Gifts do very little for me. Edited July 13, 2022 by Tap 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 On 7/11/2022 at 10:58 PM, MercyA said: Totally open-ended question. What says "love in action" to you? ❤️ I think you should share. 😉 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 (edited) On 7/11/2022 at 10:58 PM, MercyA said: Totally open-ended question. What says "love in action" to you? ❤️ Being considerate. It's little things like: I go to bed hours before DH. He always comes to bed quietly, careful not to wake me. Taking time to spend quality time together, doing things we both enjoy: hiking, backpacking, kayaking. Treating me like a separate individual who has a life beyond our marriage. Dh is supporting my creative endeavors: he reads my poems, occasionally come to readings, enthusiastically encourages me to this work. Thoughtful gift giving , although gifts are not high on my priority list and we often skip them. But I appreciate the inflatable travel pillow and the comfortable sleeping pad he got me, because he was thinking of how to make me more comfortable sleeping on the ground. Edited July 13, 2022 by regentrude 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 I thought about this some more: equal respect and investment in the relationship. I have had romantic partners in the past who wanted me to put them on a pedestal. Nope. I have had romantic partners in the past who wanted to put me on a pedestal. Double nope. I have had unequal platonic relationships as well and none of those are my closest friends. My closest most loving relationships see me as I am, warts and all, and still love me. And they are truly themselves with me too. No artifice. Any special consideration we give each other is genuine and not from putting the person on a pedestal. (I am finding it hard to find other words for that phenomenon). 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 (edited) In previous post, I talked about DH. Love among friends is actually similar. I show love by doing things for friends. Taking dinner to a friend in need, helping friend in crisis weed her garden. I put a lot of energy into checking in to see how friends are doing, and initiating connection and get-togethers which sometimes gets old because I feel people aren't reciprocating... but that's the way I show love. I love giving gifts when I have good ideas. I don't like to give gifts on schedule because social custom demands it, but I love finding things a friend will genuinely like. Eta: Oh, and food. I show love by feeding people yummy foods they can eat with whatever dietary restrictions and preferences they have. This is very important to me. Edited July 13, 2022 by regentrude 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 13 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said: A lot more people show me love than just my husband. Yes, except for the intimacy parts in my post, I was thinking of other family members and friends as well. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted July 13, 2022 Author Share Posted July 13, 2022 (edited) On 7/13/2022 at 8:58 AM, Scarlett said: I think you should share. 😉 Oh, that's easy! Massage, foot rubs, head rubs...I'm all about touch. Love, love, love it. Also: leaving me alone when I want to be left alone. Forgiving my faults. Being understanding of my idiosyncrasies. Listening when I want to chatter. Watching and listening to random things with me. Laughing with me. Edited July 14, 2022 by MercyA 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarita Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 15 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said: A lot more people show me love than just my husband. It's touch with people other than my husband as well. That looks like hugs, snuggles, doing hair/makeup, pets. It does mean I don't get as close to my male friends as I do my female friends, but there are also other hang ups involved than just because my love language is touch. I also love to feed people and be fed. I love opening my home to people (I'll usually feed you more food than you need). 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelydon Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 To be genuinely kind. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bodiesmom Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 To have my back, to take up for me when the occasion presents itself 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 (edited) I'm going to go by the 5 love languages - Acts of service and quality time are my preferences. So yeah, doing the dishes for me or doing any of the things I normally do. Even something as mundane as filling the car with gas so I don't have to says love to me. Quality time can mean anything from vacations to attending local events together to taking walks to sitting on the couch and talking (with the tv off of course). Dh's are words of affirmation and physical touch so even though I want to do things for him in my love language I try to remember his. Ds is definitely gifts with some words of affirmation thrown in. Dss is quality time and ddil is acts of service. Haven't yet figured out what the grandkids' languages are but for the 10yo it seems to be gifts. Then again, he's 10 so it might not have anything to do with his love language lol. ETA: Yes, food. I love to feed people. I jokingly say it's my superpower because I'm half Italian but it also probably has to do with my love language. After all, it's an act of service. Editing again - Ds is quite good at buying gifts for me. Well, except for when he was little and liked to buy me junk jewelry from Walgreens lol. But really, he's good at it. Dh is not. I graciously accept his gifts but in 30 years there have been only a few I truly loved. Many have been things I really didn't want. This thread has made me realize it might be because of their respective love languages. I try to ask people I'm close to for ideas that way I know I'm getting them something they'd like. I want several recommendations so they at least get a surprise rather than, "I'd like this" and I get them "this". Edited July 13, 2022 by Lady Florida. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 (edited) I think anything that is done for me with consideration and thought would make me feel loved, and I’d be so appreciative. This is my answer because I’m having a hard time explaining or stating exactly what is my favorite way to be shown love. Edited July 13, 2022 by Indigo Blue 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 When people clean my house. It is the only thing I ever want for my birthday, Mother’s Day, and Christmas, and any other time anyone else wants to give me a present. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 4 hours ago, regentrude said: Eta: Oh, and food. I show love by feeding people yummy foods they can eat with whatever dietary restrictions and preferences they have. This is very important to me. This is really nice. I can’t even imagine someone doing that for me and with such an absolutely giving and sincere spirit! 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 29 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said: This is really nice. I can’t even imagine someone doing that for me and with such an absolutely giving and sincere spirit! Hugs. That must be hard. I am sorry. DD's bf is vegan and had many experiences with events where there was nothing for him to eat or folks, even family, being nasty about it. Eating is such an elementary, basic thing. It gives me joy to make sure people can share a meal and feel included and accepted... it is such a simple thing to do. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 Things I appreciate from DH: 1. Doing the things I don’t want to do but need to be done. Without being asked. 2. Gifts. Or mainly things like going and getting me a coffee or snack when I half-heartedly hint at wanting it but don’t want to put on “real” clothes and do it myself (refer to #1) 3. Giving me my personal space. I’m pretty much done peopling after dinner dishes are done, and I disappear into my room for the evening. No complaints from DH about abandoning them to their own devices. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 (edited) 55 minutes ago, regentrude said: Hugs. That must be hard. I am sorry. DD's bf is vegan and had many experiences with events where there was nothing for him to eat or folks, even family, being nasty about it. Eating is such an elementary, basic thing. It gives me joy to make sure people can share a meal and feel included and accepted... it is such a simple thing to do. Oh, no, I didn’t mean for you to feel bad for me! We are empty nesters and I fix stuff I like and also what Dh likes. It’s just us, so no big deal. If the boys go out with us, I can always get a salad if need be. Dh doesn’t cook except maybe for microwave grits. I’m used to that life. It’s good. I just think it’s really nice to think of doing that for someone. To me, that’s a pretty special way to show your friends you care. Your friends are lucky! I Edited July 13, 2022 by Indigo Blue 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasProud Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 1 hour ago, regentrude said: DD's bf is vegan and had many experiences with events where there was nothing for him to eat or folks, even family, being nasty about it. Eating is such an elementary, basic thing. It gives me joy to make sure people can share a meal and feel included and accepted... it is such a simple thing to do. There was a kid in my choir who was gluten free. I always made sure that I brought some goodies for him at parties. He was always shocked that I did so. His mom said I was the only teacher at school that did that. Two of my daughter's friends are gluten free, one with celiac disease. So when they came ( group of 4, 5 including my daughter), we just did gluten free everything so as to have no cross contamination. They were beyond blown away that we would do that. To me, that seems like basic hospitality. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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