Updates 2023 (job hunt etc)

[Heartstrings]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

Oh no I won’t give over my bc via mail. But I would show it in the ss office. My parents had a headache obtaining it lol. Because my mom was Mexican and didn’t make it to the hospital in time for my birth. But was here legally. 

My maiden name is on the transcript from the college so I guess that helps show them it’s the same person. I won’t go back to my maiden name. It has a character in it and always gets messed up in computer systems etc. 
 

The email was bulleted and had ss card under its own bullet. I could contact the library and ask what else they would accept. I’m just kinda embarrassed. 

People loose them all the time, don’t be embarrassed.  My husband lost his BC and SS card for years.  We ordered replacements and everything,  I found it about 3 years later stuffed in a notebook.  

[heartlikealion]

Ok I spoke with the library and they said if I want to join the city health plan I will need to show my ss card before my start date so go ahead and order one. I called my nearest office to ask what to bring and she said just the DL was enough. So I plan to go today to sort that out. I’ll ask for a temp card while I’m there. 

[Jaybee]

At my last employment, I had to take in my SS card. They needed a copy of it on file. They handed the original right back to me after making the copy.

[heartlikealion]

They said they no longer print temp cards. I just have a paper saying I applied. Should receive in 7-10 business days. For this week I’ll plan to bring my birth certificate. 

[ktgrok]

33 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

They said they no longer print temp cards. I just have a paper saying I applied. Should receive in 7-10 business days. For this week I’ll plan to bring my birth certificate. 

Since the BC has a different last name I'd bring your marriage certificate as well, that shows your ex's name. And divorce decree is you have it handy. But at least marriage certificate. 

[heartlikealion]

1 minute ago, ktgrok said:

Since the BC has a different last name I'd bring your marriage certificate as well, that shows your ex's name. And divorce decree is you have it handy. But at least marriage certificate. 

My maiden name is on the transcript I sent that they received so I’m not too worried. I may have a W2 with the info as well 

[ktgrok]

16 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

My maiden name is on the transcript I sent that they received so I’m not too worried. I may have a W2 with the info as well 

ok. generally for "official" stuff if BC is maiden name places want the marriage certificate, because that will show old name plus the husband's last name, aka new last name, on the same paper. Showing the continuity from one to the next, if that makes sense. 

[heartlikealion]

I toured the 1bd duplex ($950/mo water included) The laundry hookups are in the cramped kitchen. I don’t know where I can put the litter box. The living room is awkward and small. All but one wall have a doorway or door. I don’t know how you’d configure a couch/tv to fit and line up. 

I cannot get the other realtor to respond but I might drive by another unit on my list. It has no interior images online so probably not good. 

I might consider the slightly more expensive 2 bedroom units ($1000/mo). 

Edited November 16, 2023 by heartlikealion

[heartlikealion]

Ok slipped the $1000 unit. Bad side of town and no laundry. 
 

Was able to see another 1BD. It’s $900/mo. The area is one of those where some streets are ok and some are not. I felt OK on the street the home was on, though. Much better layout than other home. Much better kitchen/living room space. But I felt duped about “central air.” They have those units you see in hotels. 2 units total. BUT it might be adequate. I think I’ll fill out application. 
 

Question 

if I start the NOLA job and get offered the Mobile job (pays more, closer to kids and also city benefits) would that be crazy to break a new lease for it? This is all hypothetical right now. 
 

 

[freesia]

I think you should fill out the application and head towards the job you have. If the other works out you can decide what to do then. 

[bolt.]

7 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Question 

if I start the NOLA job and get offered the Mobile job (pays more, closer to kids and also city benefits) would that be crazy to break a new lease for it? This is all hypothetical right now. 

I suppose that depends fairly specifically on what the consequences are for a broken lease, vs the benefits of the Mobile job. What exactly happens when a person breaks a lease?

[heartlikealion]

58 minutes ago, bolt. said:

I suppose that depends fairly specifically on what the consequences are for a broken lease, vs the benefits of the Mobile job. What exactly happens when a person breaks a lease?

I haven’t seen the lease agreement so I don’t know. But I think most will force you to pay a fee to break a lease. Technically you could run off w/o paying and I guess all they can do is take you to court? But I don’t like the idea of running off like that. 

I can’t even finish filling out the application because it asks for pay stuff. I texted the realtor to see what she will accept. 

[bolt.]

24 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I haven’t seen the lease agreement so I don’t know. But I think most will force you to pay a fee to break a lease. Technically you could run off w/o paying and I guess all they can do is take you to court? But I don’t like the idea of running off like that. 

I can’t even finish filling out the application because it asks for pay stuff. I texted the realtor to see what she will accept. 

If a lease has listed a penalty for 'breaking' it, that means that as long as you pay the penalty, you haven't broken anything. It's just one of the terms of the lease that you abide by when you pay up.

So it's not 'running off' in any sense that you should be uncomfortable about (unless you intend to 'run' without paying). If you pay, the landlord has agreed that that amount is fair compensation for ending the agreement early, and you've done nothing dishonourable. No reason to feel bad.

Best of luck with the next steps!

[heartlikealion]

I spoke to her on the phone. She said don’t worry about the pay stubs and asked about my new job income. The lease states you are responsible for the FULL 12 months even if you leave early 😬😬😬

I think I just need to move forward — plan to hold that job a year. Deal with the awful driving to see kids. Dunno if Amtrak will be any better once it’s running. 
 

$900 first month/$900 deposit. $200 pet fee (news to me). So $2000 and needs asap since they are showing the property to others. So I’ll have to either overnight it or drive back. She’ll let me move in a little early but I dunno how many days early. 

[heartlikealion]

Well nevermind. My dad refused to lend me the money for this. He said you don’t even have the job yet (🙄). I said I know I passed the drug test and background check! 
He said what if you get laid off? I said I don’t see that happening within 12 months of being hired. 

He suggested I live in Slidell or somewhere because they told me today that technically I have 6 months to live in the right parish. I said I don’t want to commute to work every day (just googled and that’s 50 min). 
 

Hes suggesting I start out in an extended stay hotel. I’m just so sick of moving 😭😭😭

Guess I need to ask other realtors about their lease policies as other units become available. 

[bolt.]

It's terrible to be in a position that you need to reach for loans from people who think they know your life better than you do! It makes all of your decisions into discussions!!!

If you do what he wants (start in a hotel) do you think he will loan you the money to make a more permanent home after the job actually starts?

[heartlikealion]

8 minutes ago, bolt. said:

It's terrible to be in a position that you need to reach for loans from people who think they know your life better than you do! It makes all of your decisions into discussions!!!

If you do what he wants (start in a hotel) do you think he will loan you the money to make a more permanent home after the job actually starts?

I don’t know how that would even work — how do I pay for the extended stay? The chain I found on google is the one I used before and they charge way more per night and that’s not factoring in pet fee. Ranging from $57-62 per night. The last time I stayed in one it was full of roaches, too! 

I’m gonna pull my hair out. I don’t know what to do. 

[heartlikealion]

I kinda get being cautious — but I’m grimacing at Christmas break in a hotel room. I’d probably have to leave the kids at my dad’s (I’d be at work) for safety reasons. I dunno. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

As it is, Thanksgiving break will be there and my kids might riot because he’s refused internet & tv to dd the last few times. 

Hypothetically— if the museum job wanted me it could be several weeks from now and that’s a lot to spend on a hotel. Not sure I can find a 6 month lease or less strict one — that I like and can afford. 

I did not get the other Mobile job (where some days you’re on your feet 10 hrs) or the other comm college job. Never heard back from RBT people but already outruled it. 

[Heartstrings]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

The lease states you are responsible for the FULL 12 months even if you leave early 😬😬😬

That's pretty typical where I am.  That's why some people will sublet an apartment, although some places have in their leases that you can't do that though.  

[Heartstrings]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

Well nevermind. My dad refused to lend me the money for this. He said you don’t even have the job yet (🙄). I said I know I passed the drug test and background check! 
He said what if you get laid off? I said I don’t see that happening within 12 months of being hired. 

He suggested I live in Slidell or somewhere because they told me today that technically I have 6 months to live in the right parish. I said I don’t want to commute to work every day (just googled and that’s 50 min). 
 

Hes suggesting I start out in an extended stay hotel. I’m just so sick of moving 😭😭😭

Guess I need to ask other realtors about their lease policies as other units become available. 

That's really crappy.  I get that it's his money, but you are an adult who can make her own decisions.  And his ideas are frankly dumb, an extended stay or paying a premium for a 6 month lease, if you can find one at all!  

 I'm sure if there was a better option you would have thought of them. you weighed the pros and cons of each and came up with the best one for you, he shouldn't second guess you.  

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. 

[heartlikealion]

14 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

That's really crappy.  I get that it's his money, but you are an adult who can make her own decisions.  And his ideas are frankly dumb, an extended stay or paying a premium for a 6 month lease, if you can find one at all!  

 I'm sure if there was a better option you would have thought of them. you weighed the pros and cons of each and came up with the best one for you, he shouldn't second guess you.  

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. 

To the bolded - my thoughts exactly! Does he think I’m gonna sign a 6 month lease in Slidell and then move out on month 7 closer to my job and hope that the pickings are better then? 

I haven’t looked at all hotel options yet but the first I viewed is more of a budget friendly one than the next I saw (I’ve stayed at both - once was a freebie — and big quality difference). 

I’m also ready to have free reign over my own kitchen. I didn’t cook in the entended stay once I saw roaches. I was grossed out. And where I’m crashing now there’s a geriatric dog that keeps having accidents in the kitchen (where it’s contained til they finish building the outdoor fence). I’ve stepped in pee puddles. 

[ktgrok]

Would Catholic Charities or similar be able to help out with move in money, I wonder? 

[heartlikealion]

1 minute ago, ktgrok said:

Would Catholic Charities or similar be able to help out with move in money, I wonder? 

I don’t know. I feel guilty approaching them. And which city would I approach? lol 

if I knew for a fact I was not going to need my W/D I’d sell it… but with this limbo I’m hanging into it. And my storage unit is leaking (rain) but luckily didn’t damage anything. I reported it and they gave me a mattress bag to lay across the wet zone. 

[katilac]

2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

 He suggested I live in Slidell or somewhere because they told me today that technically I have 6 months to live in the right parish. I said I don’t want to commute to work every day (just googled and that’s 50 min). 
 

Hes suggesting I start out in an extended stay hotel. I’m just so sick of moving 😭😭😭

Guess I need to ask other realtors about their lease policies as other units become available. 

Why would it be better to live in Slidell? You still to rent something, and I seriously doubt rent is any cheaper (the north shore is the 'fancy' shore, lol). Then add in commuting time AND expenses. What's his reasoning here? 

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

I don’t know. I feel guilty approaching them. And which city would I approach? lol 

Do NOT feel guilty. Just ask! They often have good referrals even when they can't help directly. 

I'd ask in NOLA, because that's where you're going to be, and also I think it's a bigger archdiocese. 

You can fill out an online request here.

It has space to explain your issue and give further information. I'd make it very clear that you have been offered a job, and that deposits are the issue. You'll be able to pay if you can just get a place and get started, but you are on the very edge of true homelessness, and losing out on this job offer if you can't get here. 

Mention that you have been seriously job hunting for X number of months, and you can provide proof of this as needed. 

Make sure they know you have been bouncing around extended stay hotels, dad's house, friend's house. You actually probably meet the technical definition of homeless already. 

If you can get into an apartment, you will rely on food banks until your checks start coming in (tell them this, don't leave anything out). 

Definitely mention your kids and that they will be living with you part-time. 

[heartlikealion]

15 minutes ago, katilac said:

Why would it be better to live in Slidell? You still to rent something, and I seriously doubt rent is any cheaper (the north shore is the 'fancy' shore, lol). Then add in commuting time AND expenses. What's his reasoning here? 

Do NOT feel guilty. Just ask! They often have good referrals even when they can't help directly. 

I'd ask in NOLA, because that's where you're going to be, and also I think it's a bigger archdiocese. 

You can fill out an online request here.

It has space to explain your issue and give further information. I'd make it very clear that you have been offered a job, and that deposits are the issue. You'll be able to pay if you can just get a place and get started, but you are on the very edge of true homelessness, and losing out on this job offer if you can't get here. 

Mention that you have been seriously job hunting for X number of months, and you can provide proof of this as needed. 

Make sure they know you have been bouncing around extended stay hotels, dad's house, friend's house. You actually probably meet the technical definition of homeless already. 

If you can get into an apartment, you will rely on food banks until your checks start coming in (tell them this, don't leave anything out). 

Definitely mention your kids and that they will be living with you part-time. 

Honestly I think he just said Slidell because some guy he knows suggested it 🤣 and when he told me I said, “it’s not in the right parish.” But now suddenly he thinks oh you can stall moving to the right parish, consider Slidell. Also it’s closer to the kids. But I don’t want that commute and the car is still another thing. He won’t let me borrow his car indefinitely and thinks we should repair the cv joint. And after that I don’t know how long I can limp around on it with that transmission acting up. 

[scholastica]

Maybe not Catholic Charities, but a St Vincent DePaul Society at a parish in either location might. They focus on helping people get set up to where they don’t need help anymore. They might be willing to help you move to get the decent job. They might even pay to repair the car. Just a thought. 

[heartlikealion]

Just now, scholastica said:

Maybe not Catholic Charities, but a St Vincent DePaul Society at a parish in either location might. They focus on helping people get set up to where they don’t need help anymore. They might be willing to help you move to get the decent job. They might even pay to repair the car. Just a thought. 

Yeah this is what I’m familiar with but not sure the nearest one and I’d probably bring shame to my dad since he’s so tightly connected to the Church. My mom had us send donations to the St Vincent de Paul thrift store. 

I did fill out the NOLA Catholic charities form and elaborated on my situation in the comment field. I got an auto reply they will be in touch. 

[Jaybee]

10 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I’d probably bring shame to my dad since he’s so tightly connected to the Church. 

Don't worry about this for one second. It is not his business. And you need this help.

ETA: I know, I know, easy for me to say. Sigh.

Edited November 17, 2023 by Jaybee

[ktgrok]

24 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Yeah this is what I’m familiar with but not sure the nearest one and I’d probably bring shame to my dad since he’s so tightly connected to the Church. My mom had us send donations to the St Vincent de Paul thrift store. 

I did fill out the NOLA Catholic charities form and elaborated on my situation in the comment field. I got an auto reply they will be in touch. 

It's kept pretty confidential, and if you contact the one in Nola they wouldn't know him anyway, right? I mean y'all don't even have the same last name anymore, right?

[Rosie_0801]

It's not your job to protect him from any shame he might feel for not helping you when you need it. He's a grown man.

[Shoeless]

Maybe he should feel some shame since he's not helping and is often difficult. 

[heartlikealion]

3 hours ago, ktgrok said:

It's kept pretty confidential, and if you contact the one in Nola they wouldn't know him anyway, right? I mean y'all don't even have the same last name anymore, right?

I only meant if I contacted one in Mississippi. Totally not worried about the NOLA one. 

[heartlikealion]

I had a chat with my aunt (his sister out of state, not the one that lives with him). Once I explained the entire situation she suggested I break it down for my dad with the math and reasoning. I sent him an email a few hours ago but I already turned down the property at that point.

I think there’s more room for career growth with the library vs AL job and I wouldn’t have to ever be at work til 1 am (the museum said I’d have to stay on site when people rent the venue for wedding receptions etc on Sat nights and they wanted me to try to sell the venue to book it more often). I can sell but I prefer not to and the library is a safer space in that regard. So I think I should mentally commit to the library job, a 12 month lease, and a crappy commute to see kids for one year. Then re-evaluate everything.

Just from my short time at the library today I thought, “ok this job and the people seem pretty chill.” I met an employee with blue in her hair (I used to have purple in mine but most jobs frown upon it). I would only train a few days at that branch which was in a crazy busy section of the city. Bus stop right outside lol My main branch is busy but less chaotic with the traffic to get in/out. 

[heartlikealion]

Oh in case anyone is curious lol - I brought my birth certificate, a W2 with my current last name & full social, the letter saying I applied for a new social and my DL. I honestly don’t think I even have my wedding cert. It’s probably in the old fire safe that xh has. I grabbed a couple documents before I moved out and who knows maybe I thought, “don’t need/want that” lol 

[Soror]

11 hours ago, ktgrok said:

Would Catholic Charities or similar be able to help out with move in money, I wonder? 

 

8 hours ago, scholastica said:

Maybe not Catholic Charities, but a St Vincent DePaul Society at a parish in either location might. They focus on helping people get set up to where they don’t need help anymore. They might be willing to help you move to get the decent job. They might even pay to repair the car. Just a thought. 

Where I live Catholic Charities is the one to ask for funds on something like this. I'm sure that varies on location. I'd call both. We also have a local community organization that helps with electricity bills for the low income and other things. If you don't have a place of your own you'd be considered homeless by the standards here and that moves you way up the list on lots of organizations that help. 

[heartlikealion]

Catholic Charities of NO just emailed me. It said see attached community resources. Then it was 2 PDFs.

Ummmm that’s it? You won’t talk to me? Just direct me to other NOLA places? 

About as useful as the MS domestic violence coalition and suicide hotline. I promise, when you need help they don’t really deliver 🙄

[Heartstrings]

54 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Catholic Charities of NO just emailed me. It said see attached community resources. Then it was 2 PDFs.

Ummmm that’s it? You won’t talk to me? Just direct me to other NOLA places? 

About as useful as the MS domestic violence coalition and suicide hotline. I promise, when you need help they don’t really deliver 🙄

Unfortunately I think a lot of charities are like that.  It gives bragging rights about helping while doing nothing, but the donors get to feel good about themselves and never realize that nothing is actually being done because they aren't trying to access the services themselves.  Most are set up to help only a very few people overall and only within very strict criteria, designed to keep that number very small.  

Every person that I have known to attempt to access any of the "help" out there has had the same experience. 

I'm sorry!  Its so hard.  

[heartlikealion]

As for the list, I skimmed it and left a voicemail with the NOLA SVdP but doubt anything will come of it.

My ex bf said he’s familiar with the local SVdP Society and what they do… someone he knows used them for services but deposits isn’t something they will help with and he thinks you need to be established in one place to get help in that city so doesn’t feel like I really for criteria for either city. 

I don’t know if my dad read the email. The unit might be reserved by now. 

Im not sure how to get everything done in time. Job starts Nov 27 (Mon). No one is gonna set up my electricity in my name or water/gas/sewer on the weekend and Thanksgiving holidays are in that time frame so I’d likely need everything paid and set up by Nov 22? 

[Terabith]

What about a go fund me?

[heartlikealion]

1 minute ago, Terabith said:

What about a go fund me?

Those are so cringe to me lol unless it’s like a medical emergency or house fire or something — I just feel like I’m asking my likely not well off friends to contribute when some were probably telling me to take a $10 job a month or 2 ago. Basically I don’t feel like I deserve that or that my friends can be burdened. 
 

I did send an email to another relative that may help. I explained the entire situation. She’s someone I don’t talk to often but we do communicate here and there. She has no kids or house payment so might be able to do the loan. 

[Terabith]

I know we can’t post them on the hive, but if you did one and I was connected to you on social media, I would contribute and I’m guessing I’m not the only hive member who would.  

[scholastica]

12 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I know we can’t post them on the hive, but if you did one and I was connected to you on social media, I would contribute and I’m guessing I’m not the only hive member who would.  

I’m sure this is true.

[Terabith]

Also, I wonder if actual churches or organizations that work with the homeless could help?  I know here there are definitely resources to help with this thing and your situation is one charities LOVE to help with because you have a specific need that is unlikely to drag on indefinitely.  

[Terabith]

Also, yes, it is obscene and icky that our late stage capitalist hells-cape has been reduced to using GoFundMe to meet basic needs for housing, healthcare, and transportation, but this is the situation we are in. Use the tools at hand. People really do want to help you 

[heartlikealion]

I will think about the go fund me. I don’t know if links can just be shared via private message if someone asks? 

[Frances]

Locally, this is the organization that would help someone in your situation. They used to focus mainly on unsheltered families, but now their primary focus is preventing families from becoming homeless, so helping with deposits, utility bills, referrals, etc. They have chapters all over the country.

https://familypromise.org/what-we-do/affiliates/affiliates-by-state/

[heartlikealion]

20 minutes ago, Frances said:

Locally, this is the organization that would help someone in your situation. They used to focus mainly on unsheltered families, but now their primary focus is preventing families from becoming homeless, so helping with deposits, utility bills, referrals, etc. They have chapters all over the country.

https://familypromise.org/what-we-do/affiliates/affiliates-by-state/

I just called the Mandeville one. He said they only help if your kids are in your custody and enter the shelter program with you. It’s a whole program you have to go through and no they do not assist with deposits. He said they only work with housing in their parish, too. None of the LA phone numbers are the right parish. 

[maize]

2 hours ago, Terabith said:

I know we can’t post them on the hive, but if you did one and I was connected to you on social media, I would contribute and I’m guessing I’m not the only hive member who would.  

I would contribute! I've honestly been aching to help you out somehow Heart.

[Garga]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

I will think about the go fund me. I don’t know if links can just be shared via private message if someone asks? 

I would contribute. This is my official ask for a link in a pm.

[WildflowerMom]

Count me in, as well.   Do they take funds out of gofundme?   If so, I’d rather do it via cashapp or whatever. You can pm me.