Thanks

[ktgrok]

1. you fed them AMAZINGLY well. Like, I'd pay you to feed my family that well. Seriously. 

2. I bet to him protein = meat. And only meat. Throw some deli meat at the kids if it will shut him up. 

[Drama Llama]

...

Edited December 19, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[freesia]

Those children ate a varied, healthy diet.  I wonder if there is some gentle way you could ask him to research why he doesn't think so.

I am actually amazed at the job that you are doing.  I cook around an allergy and insulin resistance and my dinners are no where near as varied as your are.  I provide other food for them to eat throughout the day, but my dinners are far more limited.

You are doing awesome!

[freesia]

1 minute ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Yeah, I think I just need to ignore it. 

In his defense, he's not complaining a ton.  He'll make one comment, like "so she didn't eat any real protein, just milk and cheese? and I'll feel hurt.

I'm just fragile.  I spent the last couple years desperately trying to heal my child with good nutrition, and I failed.  So, I'm a little sensitive to perceived criticism of what I feed my kids.  I think if this had happened two years ago, I would have rolled my eyes (metaphorically inside my head where he couldn't see) and kept doing what I was doing.  

Oh, Baseball (((hug))) Of course you are sensitive.

Maybe he just doesn't know.  Could you maybe research how much protein a nine year old girl needs and how much is in cheese and milk to show him? and black beans?

[Danae]

19 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Yeah, I think I just need to ignore it. 

In his defense, he's not complaining a ton.  He'll make one comment, like "so she didn't eat any real protein, just milk and cheese? and I'll feel hurt.

I'm just fragile.  I spent the last couple years desperately trying to heal my child with good nutrition, and I failed.  So, I'm a little sensitive to perceived criticism of what I feed my kids.  I think if this had happened two years ago, I would have rolled my eyes (metaphorically inside my head where he couldn't see) and kept doing what I was doing.  

*hugs*  You are awesome, and if you brought that menu to my house and fed my kids dinner every night I would kiss your feet.

I think the best response to the bolded is "She didn't eat any meat." That gives him the information he's asking for without conceding his assumption that milk and cheese aren't protein. 

[Drama Llama]

....

Edited December 19, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[Drama Llama]

....

Edited December 19, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[BeachGal]

On 12/17/2020 at 9:55 AM, BaseballandHockey said:

Can I ask what foods people consider purple? 

I love the pure purple potatoes just because they're so beautiful! And blueberries...because they're so delicious. 🙂

[Drama Llama]

...

Edited December 19, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[SKL]

I'm getting the feeling that maybe you, OP, are a little too invested in the sufficiency (perceived / real) of what you are serving.

I think that rationally, you know that what you have been serving is well beyond good enough.  But because of things you couldn't control in your recent past, you are, as you say, fragile about it.

Ultimately, I think you need to train yourself not to let nutrition discussions mess with your self worth.

Meanwhile, maybe you should step back from trying to please everyone, especially in this area, but also in any other area.

What if you told your BIL that he should use breakfast and lunch to fill in any gaps he perceives in his kids' nutrition?  (My understanding of the situation keeps evolving - but if their parents are feeding them all the other meals at their home, then this should be reasonable?)  If he seems likely to understand, you might even tell him why this is hard for you.

As for the comment "so they didn't eat any real protein" - I would just blandly respond, "milk and cheese contain a lot of protein."  If he thinks his kids will die without a chicken nugget, he is free to go get some.

What is the worst that could happen if he doesn't like your meal choices?  You'll get fired from having to feed his children so often?  It might hurt at first, but it could be a blessing in the long run.  I mean, when was the last time you got to feel relaxed and peaceful about meals?

[BeachGal]

1 hour ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I think his response should stop at "thank you".  

Yes, yes and yes. A big thank you. And some Lush bath bombs.

You are doing a fantastic job feeding everyone, even catering to their individual needs and wants. If you paid someone to do that, it would be expensive.

[SKL]

1 hour ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Yesterday, I was really feeling like I was failing.  Like I couldn't even get dinner on the table that made everyone happy.  What kind of mother can't do that? ...

Me, pretty much every day since my kids were 4?  And every other mom, to some degree or other.

It is very kind of you to help so many people, and you are already doing way more than enough.

I thank you from afar in case nobody in your life gets it.

[freesia]

18 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I think that if I introduce the idea that we are counting grams of protein, this will get worse, not better.  

Ok, fair enough (but I did google it and a nine year old needs 34 grams.  A cheese quesadilla is 23 g and a glass of milk is 8g--so that one meal almost met the entire day's requirement, so you can0 have peace of mind for your own sake.

[mathnerd]

2 hours ago, BaseballandHockey said:

In his defense, he's not complaining a ton.  He'll make one comment, like "so she didn't eat any real protein, just milk and cheese? and I'll feel hurt.

You know, some of us who are vegetarian eat black bean soup and quesadillas and avocado and bell peppers for a meal and every single other meal is designed in a similar fashion. I have a vegetarian child who is also very sporty and his meals could have been the same ones that you are feeling so much angst about. You are doing a great job if not only are you cooking and carrying the meals to his family, you are also dishing it up and taking him a plate to his desk! That kind of service was not even reserved for my toddler in my home where every one had to come and get their own dinner no matter how small/busy they were because mom was working and doing other things as well and that behavior was modeled as expressing Consideration for your family member. What you are doing is shouldering the burdens of your own family, taking care of the elders who live in another household, then taking care of nutritional needs of BIL's family of four. If you were in my family, the only response you will get is: "Thank you. I appreciate your hard work and the thought that you put into each meal. I think that we can should pitch in and help you because it is so unfair that you are shouldering so much".

Edited December 18, 2020 by mathnerd

[Pam in CT]

YES, the only truly appropriate response from him to you is "thank you."

And,

2 hours ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Yeah, I think I just need to ignore it. 

In his defense, he's not complaining a ton.  He'll make one comment, like "so she didn't eat any real protein, just milk and cheese? and I'll feel hurt.

I'm just fragile.  [I spent the last couple years desperately trying to heal my child with good nutrition, and I failed.  So, I'm a little sensitive to perceived criticism of what I feed my kids.]  I think if this had happened two years ago, I would have rolled my eyes (metaphorically inside my head where he couldn't see) and kept doing what I was doing.  

The bolded, and the Elephant in the Room parenthetical to the bolded, is a crucial insight to your own mental health. 

Which you're right to recognize is coloring how you're managing through this blip -- I do think it is only a blip -- in an otherwise pretty well functioning family doing a laudable job supporting one another through an interval of quite a few quite significant difficulties.

 

 

2 hours ago, freesia said:

Oh, Baseball (((hug))) Of course you are sensitive.

Maybe he just doesn't know.  Could you maybe research how much protein a nine year old girl needs and how much is in cheese and milk to show him? and black beans?

(I "liked" this for the bolded part. 

I think I'd stay away from the "research" rec of the second part, because...

2 hours ago, Danae said:

*hugs*  You are awesome, and if you brought that menu to my house and fed my kids dinner every night I would kiss your feet.

I think the best response to the bolded is "She didn't eat any meat." That gives him the information he's asking for without conceding his assumption that milk and cheese aren't protein. 

... it's pretty rare that a person on one side of a divergenc-of-views is really very persuaded by another person's "research." 

Danae's response gets him through to the answer to his (real) question, and leaves him able to respond in his way. He can nuke up a chicken nugget later in the evening, or start chucking chicken nuggest or deli meat or whatever at them at lunchtime, or whatever *he* believes will get "adequate protein" into them.

The more details come out of this, I really don't think it's about differences in what particular food items "count" as what "category" -- much more about differences in parenting styles.

 

you rock. THANK YOU.

[Drama Llama]

...

Edited December 19, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[catz]

OP, you are doing an incredible job during a difficult time and I think your choices are fantastic.  ❤️  I'm glad you can see that by the light of day.  If he is stressed he may just be making flip remarks without thinking. 

[Drama Llama]

...

Edited December 20, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[Drama Llama]

...

 

 

Edited December 20, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[cjzimmer1]

5 hours ago, BaseballandHockey said:

So, I got a little more sleep than usual last night, and woke up with a different perspective. 

Yesterday, I was really feeling like I was failing.  Like I couldn't even get dinner on the table that made everyone happy.  What kind of mother can't do that?  But today I woke up, and decided that grief and misplaced guilt were messing up my thinking.

Here's what I do:

I shop (online)

I prepare a meal for 12 people 

I take into account his children's life threatening food allergies

I take into account his picky kids

I take into the tastes of elderly family members

I take into account what his wife can handle while she's experiencing pregnancy related nausea

I cook from scratch, and include varied ingredients.

I drive the meal to his house.

I sit down with his small children and eat it with them while he's working.

I make sure that they eat, and that what they eat has some milk, and some protein and some plants.

I take him a plate at his desk

I do the dishes and clean the kitchen, or make my kids do it.  

 

I do this after a full day of homeschooling my own kids, working half time, and dealing will all sorts of other stuff that's going on in my family, that is at least as stressful as what they're dealing with. 

 

I think his response should stop at "thank you".  

 

For the record, here's what his kids have eaten for the past 5 meals with me.  Maybe it's more carbs than other people would serve, and the veggies aren't purple (there were purple berries in there on several days) or leafy, but I'm having trouble seeing it as a horrible diet for picky kids.  

 

Whole wheat spaghetti with homemade bolognese sauce made with vegetables and meat, peas, fruit and milk

Grilled chicken or salmon (they made different choices) with brown rice, peas, red peppers (one kid), fruit and milk

Scrambled eggs (they didn't like my Swedish meatballs) with egg noodles, carrots, fruit and milk

Quesadilla on whole wheat tortilla, black beans (one kid), red peppers (one kid), carrots (one kid), fruit and milk

Chicken noodle soup (home made with lots of chicken), peas, sweet potato latke (one kid)  apple sauce, yogurt, and milk

 

I feel like if I was pregnant and nauseous, and someone came to my house, and did that for my kids while my husband was at work, he wouldn't complain. 

 

Sorry, this is a total vent, and I'm going to delete it eventually because I'd hate for them to see it.

Feel free to tell me I'm wrong. 

 

You are a rock star to do that all for them!  End of subject.

He has zero grounds for complaining.

[wendyroo]

48 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

But yes, I think they got plenty.  I also believe that if they actually were protein deficient, they'd just eat more protein, whether that's drinking a second glass of milk, or deciding that my turkey soup is worth trying, or picking apples and sunbutter for their next snack.  I wonder what he believes would happen.  Maybe when I'm feeling less fragile, I'll ask him.  

In case you want a different perspective...otherwise, feel free to disregard.

I never worry about my kids being protein deficient, rather I worry about them being carb-over-loaded. And not necessarily in the short term, obviously no harm comes from a day or a week of spaghetti and donuts, but I worry if in the long term they develop the habit of eating "too many" carbs.

Obviously, "too many" is different for different people, but I think for most of us, carbs are the macronutrient that are the easiest to overeat...due to a combination of evolution and environment.

So when I try to structure my kids' diet to include more veggies and lean protein, it is primarily to get them in the habit of eating fairly substantial quantities of those foods rather than filling their plate with carbs...which they will do...in a heartbeat...in overabundance...to the exclusion of everything else.

I view it as a marathon, not a sprint. The broccoli they eat today is of course good for them, but the habits they are building are even more important. My goal is to build those habits through coaching and nudging and repetition and some benevolent compulsion...just like I enforce tooth brushing, vehicle safety, personal hygiene, household responsibilities, school work, etc.

[Drama Llama]

....

 

 

 

 

Edited December 20, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[Gobblygook]

5 hours ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I think his response should stop at "thank you". 

Amen to this! You are doing an amazing job and don’t let him let you think otherwise. I have people in my life with similar controlling tendencies, albeit with different issues, and I know how hard it is. The meals you are providing are varied, balanced and healthy. 

[Drama Llama]

...

Edited December 20, 2020 by BaseballandHockey
Because I didn't finish my thought.

[freesia]

I just want to agree with @Pam in CT that I am very impressed by your extended family.  You are doing such a good job supporting each other through a difficult year amid unimaginable circumstances in the past couple of months.  I am actually amazed that you are cooking so much and doing so much.  Food is so fraught with emotions and control. It would actually be odd if your families weren't having differences of opinions.  I don't know any families who don't have these differences of opinions during family get togethers.  We are are trying to feed our little ones so they survive and it feels so personal and so important.

[math teacher]

Here's my three cents (inflation):

It all counts. Tomato based sauce-sure it's a vegetable, but you're not getting a whole serving probably unless you eat a lot of it. 

Sweet potato-that's a vegetable for me.

Cheese-again it counts. If it's just some cheese in a casserole, it doesn't count that much. For cheese toast. it might be a serving if you eat more than one piece. 

Beans- I count as a protein. I add them to salads to boost the protein. I might occasionally use them as a vegetable side dish. 

 

[EKS]

I haven't read all the replies (I've read some of them).

What I do know that that cooking dinner for 12 people is a Big Deal.  I'd announce that you're going to cook...whatever...and it will consist of...whatever...and if that isn't good enough...well...people are free to use the kitchen after you're done cooking...whatever.

Edited December 19, 2020 by EKS

[Drama Llama]

9 minutes ago, EKS said:

I haven't read all the replies (I've read some of them).

What I do know that that cooking dinner for 12 people is a Big Deal.  I'd announce that you're going to cook...whatever...and it will consist of...whatever...and if that isn't good enough...well...people are free to use the kitchen after you're done cooking...whatever.

I like that!

[Melissa in Australia]

5 hours ago, BaseballandHockey said:

A little too invested?  I kind of have to beg to differ on that.  I have enough insight to know that I'm WAY too invested in this.  Not enough insight to drop the rope, but enough insight to know that. 

To be honest, I posted this because I was hoping people would tell me that I was right and cheese is protein and black beans are vegetables.  I wasn't expecting to be told that my vegetables are the wrong color and have too much carbs, and that I don't get any credit for my avocados or quesadillas.

It's ironic that I posted this soon after reading the thread where everyone agreed that just serving ones' kids popcorn counted as dinner.  

 

Oh no, please don't feel bad about me starting talking about colour of veggies. I was only mentioning what I do.   I think what you are serving sounds smashing. 

 I didn't mention anything about the quesadillas because I don't know what they are.  I don't even know how to say it

[Drama Llama]

...

Edited December 20, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[Melissa in Australia]

1 minute ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Quesadilla is tortilla, which is a flat unleavened circular bread, in this case made of whole wheat, with some cheese melted inside.  So, like a sandwich, tortilla, cheese tortilla.  Usually you cut them in triangles. 

Some people put other things and make them fancy -- veggies, or chicken, or what have you, but I didn't.  

You could eat them plain or dip them in something like salsa or guacamole or in this case taco soup.  

I goggled. I am such a boring cook that I don't even know what a tortilla is  😞 

[Terabith]

1 minute ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I goggled. I am such a boring cook that I don't even know what a tortilla is  😞 

To be fair, I think it's a pretty uniquely North American thing, sort of like peanut butter and jelly.  

[Drama Llama]

...

Edited December 20, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[Melissa in Australia]

1 minute ago, BaseballandHockey said:

You're a little further from Mexico than we are. 

To be clear, there are 2 types of tortilla.  One is Spanish and it's got eggs or something, and it seems complex to make.

Mexican tortilla is literally flour and water shaped into a dough, and then rolled really flat.  I mean, I don't do that, I buy premade tortillas, but that's all they are.  Or you can make them out of corn too.  
 

like a Burrito ??

I just googled and see that the wrap part is the tortilla!

 boy I must come across as completely stupid.

 

[Terabith]

2 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

like a Burrito ??

I just googled and see that the wrap part is the tortilla!

 boy I must come across as completely stupid.

 

No.  You come across as someone who doesn't live near Mexico.  

[Melissa in Australia]

8 minutes ago, Terabith said:

To be fair, I think it's a pretty uniquely North American thing, sort of like peanut butter and jelly.  

well it took me a long time to work out that the jelly you guys refer to is JAM.

 I was always imagining Jello - what we call jelly, made with  jelly crystals  and couldn't work out how it could be eaten in a sandwich  without a huge mess

Edited December 19, 2020 by Melissa in Australia

[Drama Llama]

20 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

like a Burrito ??

I just googled and see that the wrap part is the tortilla!

 boy I must come across as completely stupid.

 

No, you come off as completely Australian.

It's like if you took the wrap from a burrito, sprinkled it with cheese, folded it in half and then heated it so the cheese melted.  

So in this case the six year old ate bread, cheese, red peppers, pears and blueberries for her dinner. 

The eight year old ate bread, cheese, black bean soup, carrots and pears.  

Edited December 20, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[Drama Llama]

Just now, Melissa in Australia said:

well it took me a long time to work out that the jelly you guys refer to is JAM.

 I was always imagining Jello - what we call jelly, made with  jelly crystals  and couldn't work out how it could be eaten without a huge mess

Yep, or when I went to England and didn't know biscuits could refer to sweet things. 

[Melissa in Australia]

Ok, thank you 

 I will have to try it sometime

[Terabith]

2 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

well it took me a long time to work out that the jelly you guys refer to is JAM.

 I was always imagining Jello - what we call jelly, made with  jelly crystals  and couldn't work out how it could be eaten in a sandwich  without a huge mess

Technically, I am told there are esoteric differences between strawberry jelly, jam, and preserves.  I can buy strawberry all of those at the store, right next to each other on the shelves.  I think it has to do with how much fruit versus how much sugar?  I know I actually like preserves, not really jelly.  

 

[Drama Llama]

4 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Technically, I am told there are esoteric differences between strawberry jelly, jam, and preserves.  I can buy strawberry all of those at the store, right next to each other on the shelves.  I think it has to do with how much fruit versus how much sugar?  I know I actually like preserves, not really jelly.  

 

I think it's also about the seeds, and whether there's actual fruit in it. 

Like grape jelly, which I can't stand but which is what most people put on their pb and j sandwiches is clear and doesn't have seeds or skin or, well, really fruit.

Preserves has like the whole fruit in it, or more of it.  Like raspberry jam has little raspberry seeds.  and it's not see through.  

I serve my kids sun butter and preserves sandwiches, usually apricot or raspberry, but I still call it peanut butter and jelly.  Mostly because there is no song that goes 

"Sun . . . sun butter and preserves" to sing while you make it, and the song is the fun part. 

[Melissa in Australia]

11 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Technically, I am told there are esoteric differences between strawberry jelly, jam, and preserves.  I can buy strawberry all of those at the store, right next to each other on the shelves.  I think it has to do with how much fruit versus how much sugar?  I know I actually like preserves, not really jelly.  

 

 

All of them are preserves

it has all to do with how the fruit is used. just about all of them have equal amounts of fruit to sugar

if the fruit is  in very small pieces it is called a jam ,

if it is in large pieces it is called a conserve

if the fruit is strained it is called a jelly. it will be clear with a consistency of jello

if citrus is used it is called marmalade

Of course Australians, who love to simplify everything call it all jam except we still keep the name marmalade for stuff made from citrus. 

Edited December 19, 2020 by Melissa in Australia

[Terabith]

1 minute ago, Melissa in Australia said:

 

All of them are preserves

it has all to do with how the fruit is used. just about all of them have equal amounts of fruit to sugar

if the fruit is  in very small pieces it is called a jam ,

if it is in large pieces it is called a conserve

if the fruit is strained it is called a jelly. it will be clear with a consistency of jello

if citrus is used it is called marmalade

Of course Australians, who love to simplify everything call it all jam except we still keep the name marmalade for stuff made from citrus. 

Thank you!  I never knew where marmalade fit in, but that's true, it is always citrus!

[Drama Llama]

3 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Thank you!  I never knew where marmalade fit in, but that's true, it is always citrus!

It's eaten by the kind of bear that wears a coat with toggle buttons and comes from a train station. 

That's my primary association with marmalade.

[Melissa in Australia]

46 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

It's eaten by the kind of bear that wears a coat with toggle buttons and comes from a train station. 

That's my primary association with marmalade.

my primary association is staying at my grandmother's when I was little and having marmalade on toast for breakfast. to me it is linked to my grandmother firmly

[Drama Llama]

5 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

my primary association is staying at my grandmother's when I was little and having marmalade on toast for breakfast. to me it is linked to my grandmother firmly

I have a similar association with my grandmother and apricot jam.  

 

[Tanaqui]

1 hour ago, Melissa in Australia said:

Ok, thank you 

 I will have to try it sometime

 

Quesadillas are pretty delicious, especially if you like grilled cheese sandwiches. Was it you who once asked if we "really" eat monterey jack cheese here? Well, one of the few places I use jack cheese is mixed half and half with cheddar (I literally buy a block of "cheddar jack") to form the cheese of a quesadilla.

But I never do mine just cheese. I always at least put in onions and, if I have, either chorizo sausage (the dried type, not the fresh type) or chipotle peppers from the can. Or if I don't, perhaps some frozen corn and cilantro. And then I serve it with hot sauce and a generous amount of both sour cream and red salsa. And I use wheat tortillas instead of corn tortillas because they're easier to work with.

That's kay-sa-DEE-ya in English. I'm not sure where the stress really goes in Spanish.

[Tanaqui]

1 hour ago, Terabith said:

Thank you!  I never knew where marmalade fit in, but that's true, it is always citrus!

 

Unless it's made from quince, which is the type of marmalade I was familiar with from visiting my grandmother, and it took me a really long time to understand that most people think "orange" and not "quince"!

Quinces are, of course, closely related to apples. A quince for me, a quince for thee, and quinces we shall eat. Forget durian, quince is truly the king of fruits.

[Drama Llama]

2 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

 

Quesadillas are pretty delicious, especially if you like grilled cheese sandwiches. Was it you who once asked if we "really" eat monterey jack cheese here? Well, one of the few places I use jack cheese is mixed half and half with cheddar (I literally buy a block of "cheddar jack") to form the cheese of a quesadilla.

But I never do mine just cheese. I always at least put in onions and, if I have, either chorizo sausage (the dried type, not the fresh type) or chipotle peppers from the can. Or if I don't, perhaps some frozen corn and cilantro. And then I serve it with hot sauce and a generous amount of both sour cream and red salsa. And I use wheat tortillas instead of corn tortillas because they're easier to work with.

That's kay-sa-DEE-ya in English. I'm not sure where the stress really goes in Spanish.

Oooh that sounds so good, especially with the chorizo.  I am going to go out on a limb and say the your recipe would not please my picky eaters.

The rest of us treated ours as something to dip in the soup.  

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

9 hours ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I get that.  If there had been a single empty carb on the table, I could see that as a concern, but I don't see how a kid can become carb overloaded on the meal I described.  

Yes, there were carbs.  There are carbs in milk.  There were beans the soup, and the quesadilla, and the fruit and vegetables.  But none of those things are the same as donuts.  Yes, if I served a meal of donuts, and told the kids they could have as much as they wanted, the criticism would be warranted. 

I worry about my kids filling up on carbs too, I just address it by not putting things where I worry about it on the table very often.  This week, out of 5 days, I served refined grains twice -- the noodles in the chicken soup, and the noodles with the meatballs/eggs.  Both times the two kids in question ate probably a serving.  

I'll also say that I agree that it would be great if they ate broccoli.  I worked hard to get to the point that my kids eat broccoli.  They didn't happen to eat any at that meal, but they eat it.  Their parents don't successfully get the kids to eat broccoli, so the not eating broccoli isn't because I didn't serve it.  

I'm sorry, I feel like you're feeling criticized, but I'm not really getting where you're reading criticism in what I'm writing.  I didn't say that the way you feed your kids is wrong. I don't think it is wrong. From what I can tell, it's different than how I do it, but not wrong.  I  also don't think that having some carrots and pears and blueberries on the table, is the equivalent to feeding my kids a pile of donuts.  

I'm sorry I'm being fragile about this, maybe I need more sleep.  

 

It looks like this thread is wrapping up, but I just wanted to reiterate that you are not crazy, it's the food culture that is crazy.  There is absolutely NO NEED to restrict fruits, vegetables, whole "starches" (aka PLANTS), grains, beans... from healthy people.  There is no need to monitor protein unless a child is so picky that they are only eating bananas and crackers.  

To indicate that eating mostly carbs is some kind of "unhealthy trap" that a person can fall into is to invalidate the traditional cultural diets of almost the entire planet.  You know, those diets that produce the Blue Zones of health and longevity.  To associate anything @BaseballandHockey is doing with donuts and junk food is to introduce several different logical fallacies into the discussion- red herring, reductio ad absurdum...  

Utterly boggled by this thread.  

 

I really liked some of the ideas upthread to your BIL's "She didn't eat any protein?" comment.  The best thing is to not contradict him, but put in a qualifier.  "You mean besides the milk and cheese?  No, she didn't eat any meat." And, as much as possible, try to let those comments roll off you.  It doesn't sound like your BIL is a bad guy at all, he just has a very old-fashioned view of what a complete meal looks like.  He is obviously not the only one!  You're not going to educate him on nutrition, so just know in your heart you are doing an amazing job accommodating a million needs while dealing with your own very real needs right now, and let your mental eyes roll as much as necessary.