Christmas traditions/bad memories

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

 

Thank you all!! I’m going to use many of these ideas.

Edited November 2, 2020 by Mrs Tiggywinkle

[Drama Llama]

I have no advice, but painful memories are why I am fantasizing about ski vacations.  

Could you switch up the location? 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

1 minute ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I have no advice, but painful memories are why I am fantasizing about ski vacations.  

Could you switch up the location? 

Unfortunately not really.  DH can’t take Christmas Eve off work, and I may only get a few hours off. And the kids are the only grandkids on one side and probably the only grandkids my parents will see this year due to Covid.  Both sets of Grandparents come and spend every Christmas morning with us.  We could possibly go away the week after, depending on Covid restrictions.
Fortunately some things, like the annual orchestral Christmas music concert we attended together two days after I found out(it was a gift from his sister and BIL who were going with us, and we’d taken the night off work to go, so no way for escape it), are cancelled.

I did tell DH I was angry at him today for ruining my Christmas and his response was a totally bewildered, “That’s what you’re most upset about?”  And I’m not sure, I just know that my childhood was not always happy but the Christmas season was always magical no matter what else was going on, and it’s something that’s important to me.

[Drama Llama]

Could you do Christmas morning at a grandparent?  Maybe sleep over and wake up there?   We have moved some things from a local grandparent to a local aunt/uncle.  All the same people, but it helps a little.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

9 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Could you do Christmas morning at a grandparent?  Maybe sleep over and wake up there?   We have moved some things from a local grandparent to a local aunt/uncle.  All the same people, but it helps a little.

I’ve considered this—we are both scheduled to work overnight Christmas Eve so they may be at a grandparent’s anyway. My parents have a huge 7 bedroom house with room for all my kids and my in-laws.

I’m looking for your favorite Christmas books, movies, charities....I want new traditions this year.  Like we always watch Elf, but I cried through it last year.  So I’m looking for something new.

[saraha]

No advice, but I am so sorry you are living through all this again. I am so sorry that some things are so tainted now and I hope that you are able to at least pull something together that gets you through this year. I am sure you feel so blindsided by the feelings and emotions and if your husband is smart he will "Yes dear" you all the way through the holidays.

You don't have to start all new traditions this year. You just have to get through this year. There is no need to pressure yourself to setup new set in stone traditions, you just have to get through THIS year.

[Drama Llama]

We did something for Lent last year where we gave the kids each a certain amount of money per day to donate, and they’d research and then choose where to donate and each day we’d come together and talk about it. I could see doing that for Advent.

[almondbutterandjelly]

Christmas Favorites:  Charlie Brown Christmas DVD, A Merry Mancini Christmas CD, Fast food on Christmas Eve, Church Service on Christmas Eve.  Mary Engelbreit did a beautiful picture book of A Night Before Christmas.  We also love our Christmas countdown felt calendar.  Duraflame Gold in the fireplace.

Sometimes we travel to Six Flags Holiday in the Park.  Sometimes there are lighted boat parades locally.  And of course, driving around looking at christmas lights and drinking cocoa in the car.

[Drama Llama]

Researching cooking Christmas desserts from around the world.

Miracle on 34th, the old version, is my very favorite Christmas movie. 

[JustEm]

My favorite Christmas tradition is making Christmas ornaments with my extended family a week or so before Christmas.  We have been doing it every year for ages.  Some years it is just one other sibling other years it is many siblings and their families.  It just depends on schedules.  The table is covered with felt, glue sticks, ribbons, bells, various paper, etc and we all just make whatever we want.  Every year I decorate our tree I remember those ornament making sessions because the tree is filled with homemade ornaments.

[Guest]

Hmmm. I think it’s tough this year anyway because quite a lot of normal traditions won’t be happening due to COVID. Like if you go watch a Christmas cantata, that probably won’t happen. 

Let me think...

making paper snowflakes and hanging them on all the windows? 

Cookies? Baked goods? Maybe if you have something from your family ancestry you could cook or bake? 

Where I live, there is a Christmas tree farm that decorates themed trees every winter. This is a sort of simple tradition I have enjoyed since childhood - just going there and looking at the beautiful trees. 

Charlie Brown Christmas Show for movie. Miracle on 34th street. The Santa Clause movies; I love those. 

There are also Christmas horse parades and drive through nativities where I live. 

 

[JustEm]

Do you guys but lights and decorations outside?  We used to when I was a kid and I loved it. The lights weren't uniform like other houses because the kids weere in charge but the memories were great because we got to do it.  Last year was the first year we hung lights outside at our house and all those great memories of my childhood came rushing back.  Right now I am eagerly awaiting being able to hang lights with them again.

[Katy]

How about finding new traditions to add?

Have you made gingerbread houses?  Even easy ones featuring graham cracker walls instead of baking?  https://www.ithinkwecouldbefriends.com/2017/11/25/diy-gingerbread-house-ideas-kit-free-printable-topper-decorations/
 

How about going to a tree farm and cutting down your own Christmas tree?  Making your DH get down in a snowbank and saw a 4” tree down and then drag it back to a barn to be measured and then to your car might give you a little bit of delight every year. 
 

Also you and the kids could make your own ornaments yourselves every year. Even birdseed and cranberry ornaments for outside trees if you wish. 
 

I’m sure there are a million other ideas of new traditions you could do. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

2 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

Do you guys but lights and decorations outside?  We used to when I was a kid and I loved it. The lights weren't uniform like other houses because the kids weere in charge but the memories were great because we got to do it.  Last year was the first year we hung lights outside at our house and all those great memories of my childhood came rushing back.  Right now I am eagerly awaiting being able to hang lights with them again.

We don’t, and DH has always been kind of resistant to that, but if I asked this year he’ll do it.  He’d definitely go for an inflated Grinch.  I love driving around and looking at lights, and that’s something I want to keep.

 

[Scarlett]

The best advice I have is to reclaim those memories.  In other words, power through the first season that has a bad memory attached to it.

But what do I know, I still get a gut punch at some FB memories.  From 11 years ago when I was separated and about to be divorced.  

[R828]

Maybe you could do something special with your husband, sort of in the spirit of a vow renewal? Something that could be the start of a new Christmas tradition, that reminds you of all that you have overcome together and helps you look forward to the future together. It could be something as simple as taking a romantic drive together to look at the Christmas lights, since that’s something you already love.  
 

 

[itsheresomewhere]

One year, we did one different tradition from another country for a month. It was a blast and help revive us from the year DH was diagnosed with his 2nd round of cancer at Christmas.  We still do a lot of those things.  If you don’t normally do this,  get a real tree.  Lowe’s has very reasonably priced trees so you don’t have to go to a tree farm.  Find local or not too far things to drive to.  Lots of places are doing drive thru light shows.  We pack hot cocoa, treats and blankets to make it more fun.  
Decorating the outside of our house is huge.  My kids now do most of the decorating as they have ideas.  Go buy a few things that are just fun to you.  If the adorable Christmas hippo brings that smile to your face, then get it.  Have a cookie decorating competition with the kids.  
For movies-  check out what freeform has on it for some good ideas. 
 

[athena1277]

What if you asked the kids what their favorite Christmas traditions are and focus on those?  Maybe think of it as doing it for the kids and try to enjoy their fun and happiness. Or ask them if there was something they wished your family could do?  They could be a big part (although unknowingly) to help you find some joy in the season.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

1 hour ago, Katy said:

How about finding new traditions to add?

Have you made gingerbread houses?  Even easy ones featuring graham cracker walls instead of baking?  https://www.ithinkwecouldbefriends.com/2017/11/25/diy-gingerbread-house-ideas-kit-free-printable-topper-decorations/
 

How about going to a tree farm and cutting down your own Christmas tree?  Making your DH get down in a snowbank and saw a 4” tree down and then drag it back to a barn to be measured and then to your car might give you a little bit of delight every year. 
 

Also you and the kids could make your own ornaments yourselves every year. Even birdseed and cranberry ornaments for outside trees if you wish. 
 

I’m sure there are a million other ideas of new traditions you could do. 

I love the ornament and birdseed ideas.

I want new, or at least added, traditions.  My family of origin had a few sweet Christmas traditions, but they were things like my grandfather and step grandmother doing things with us kids, playing board games with them...in fact most of my happiest memories are with that particular set of grandparents.  My step grandmother passed away years ago in her 50s(she was much younger than my grandfather) and my grandfather passed away last January.  So I have that added on too this season.

DH’s family did very little for Christmas as they were in a fundamentalist church that didn’t really celebrate.  So we are really making our own traditions here.  I had a good start, but I really need fresh things this year. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

46 minutes ago, R828 said:

Maybe you could do something special with your husband, sort of in the spirit of a vow renewal? Something that could be the start of a new Christmas tradition, that reminds you of all that you have overcome together and helps you look forward to the future together. It could be something as simple as taking a romantic drive together to look at the Christmas lights, since that’s something you already love.  
 

 

We’ve been doing little things like that since summer.  A private vow renewal and pictures; we went away to a lake cottage last week, just the two of us, for a few days. I’m still under quarantine so it wasn’t very exiciting, but honestly it was perfect and cozy.

He hates Christmas, but I’ve already said he needs to be part of making new traditions this year. I like the idea of making some new memories like that.

[brehon]

Oh, ugh! I remember that and was so hurt for you. How about incorporating St Nicholas into the festivities? You can even do it twice: Dec 6th AND Dec 19th (old Julian calendar). Bless you for working through this. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

I love all these ideas.  My one grandmother was Orthodox from the Slavic Old Country and I’ve been wanting to learn more and incorporate some of the heritage traditions. I’m half Eastern European and half British/Irish/Scandinavian mix. Husband is straight up half German and half Dutch.  This might be a perfect year to incorporate that into homeschooling.  

[Rosie_0801]

I watch Part 1 of The Hogfather (Terry Pratchett) on Dec 22, Part 2 on Dec 23 and 'The Muppets Christmas Carol' on Christmas Eve.

Neither of them are sappy in the way that makes me want to throw an axe through the tv screen.

[kbutton]

Ditto the paper snowflakes--they can stay up for a while too since they are wintery. If you make six pointed ones, you'll get comments and requests for lessons, lol! 

Make popcorn balls? You don't have to make them hard as a rock. 😉 You can make molasses ones if you're more of a Cracker Jack kind of person.

Hold a family taffy pull? I always read about it in books, but I'd not ever tried it until a youth group leader had us do it once as a group activity.

Make popcorn strings or paper chains. (Believe it or not, you can keep the popcorn strings in a tin from year to year--they don't mold or smell.)

Make pomander balls--citrus fruits pierced with whole cloves. They dry out and smell really nice.

Buy a giant gingerbread man cookie cutter and decorate the cookies.

Alabama's Christmas albums, especially the 2nd album. 

Go caroling and ding, dong, ditch some goodies you've made. You might be able to carol at a nursing home from outside, like a window visit. 

Make small photo albums of your favorite things from this last year and send them to close relatives. 

Have an appetizers for dinner night or a desserts for breakfast AM. 

Get a charity catalog and buy someone in the developing world a goat or chickens or a sewing machine to support their family. You could set up an advent stocking for people to "earn" donations they place in that stocking, and they can use the funds to decide what to buy. Most of these catalogs have both large and small items to buy to make this interesting to kids. 

 

[kbutton]

In case you can't tell, for me, Christmas = molasses goodies, lol!!! 

[regentrude]

Celebrate the solstice instead?

[gardenmom5]

My sister chose to go away for Christmas week.  An Inn in the mts where they could cross country ski.   She wanted those new traditions to get away from former holiday associations.  It eventually became their tradition, and she looked forward to going.   Her younger daughter settled in the area where the Inn is located, and she visits her quite a bit.

 

I used to find Thanksgiving hideously stressful. (Starting in September, until the day after Thanksgiving, even though I was still cleaning up.)  When we did finally change things - it still took me several (five) years of "new" ways to celebrate for the associated stress to disappear. 

 

[J-rap]

2 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I watch Part 1 of The Hogfather (Terry Pratchett) on Dec 22, Part 2 on Dec 23 and 'The Muppets Christmas Carol' on Christmas Eve.

Neither of them are sappy in the way that makes me want to throw an axe through the tv screen.

One of our all-time favorite Christmas movies...

[J-rap]

I'm so sorry for your having to go through that, but it's really wonderful that your marriage is solid now, and I truly applaud you for courageously working through it and being so sincere and brave in trying to figure out healthy steps forward.  I don't have the same types of memories;  mine are different, yet still very difficult and particularly so over every holiday.   I've tried to work at letting go of old traditions...  After all, they're a completely man-made thing we humans do.  And although I love traditions, I've also realized it's totally okay to change them around.  I think it's good for children, too, to learn that traditions aren't the be-all and end-all.  We've switched ours up often enough now that our (young adult) children have become quite adept at just going with the flow and still find joy in all of it.  I think it helps you focus on what's most important, anyway.

So all that said...  This sounds sort of corny, but I'd listen to your heart.  What sounds fun to you?  Whatever it is, you can make it fun and special for your kids.  Does going to a cabin in the woods sound fun?  Or doing a totally different kind of gift-exchange?  How about serving Christmas dinner at a homeless shelter?  Or visiting a relative over the holidays and joining in on their traditions?  Or even staying at a local hotel for two nights?  You can also choose to simplify everything and watch a new Christmas movie and order Chinese take-out, and have a very simple gift exchange.  It's the joy and cohesion underneath whatever you do that makes it special for your family.  Twice, we've spent Christmas day at an airport layover.  We ate "Christmas dinner" at an airport restaurant and cheered the season.   Another time, we had gone without a paycheck for nearly a year and our Christmas was completely non-materialistic.  But, we made it feel like a fun challenge for our kids, and they interestingly all remember that Christmas fondly now.  

I wish you a very blessed Christmas as you work through all of the emotions...  Life is tough but it is filled with so many blessings along the way!!

 

[klmama]

I love the movie Arthur Christmas.   I think it's the perfect secular Christmas movie.  I've even watched it in the summer when I wanted to cheer myself up.  

[Liz CA]

7 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

We don’t, and DH has always been kind of resistant to that, but if I asked this year he’ll do it.  He’d definitely go for an inflated Grinch.  I love driving around and looking at lights, and that’s something I want to keep.

 

We always do that. You could make hot chocolate or tea and take it along in thermos. 

We do Christmas on Christmas Eve with presents and a special meal. Perhaps you could change the day if your dh doesn't care - unless it feels too drastic for you. We found this convenient because if freed up Christmas day for visiting which likely won't happen this year.

ETA: I read that you are part Scandinavian and Eastern European. Perhaps read some history about Santa Lucia would be fun. Bake Swedish cookies, buy different candles this year or do an Advent wreath if you have not in the past.

https://www.britannica.com/topic/St-Lucias-Day

Rick Steves has Christmas specials from various countries. We did this one year and it was interesting.

Edited November 2, 2020 by Liz CA

[MercyA]

This might sound odd, but if you have an artificial tree, consider getting a new one--new shape, new color, new style.

[Carol in Cal.]

Get a Moravian Stern.  It's hands down the most festive thing I own.  Wish I had gotten it years ago.  Plus it's a big, distinct change.  

You can put one outside over your front door and another one inside.  Mine is inside.  Here it is:  https://www.erzgebirgepalace.com/Advent-Stars-and-Moravian-Christmas-Stars/Herrnhuter-Star-A7/Herrnhuter-Moravian-Star-A7-Opal-Plastic-68cm-27-inch::11292.html

[Carol in Cal.]

Spreading out the celebration takes some of the pressure off of it, and then you can start a bunch of little traditions that you can keep or not later on as you choose.

For instance, you might consider having a Yule log if you have a fireplace.  This can be on the solstice or later.

I love going to the Candlelight Service on Christmas Eve, and if you let me know roughly where you are, I could find you a good one to visit I'll bet.  There tend to be lots of visitors on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and so it's a good low pressure time to visit a church that is new to you.
 

We always have ableskivers on New Year's Day. 

Sometimes I make those little red and white Danish heart shaped bags to give cookies to people in.  They can be hung on the Christmas tree, or not.  It's a bit of a project but super easy and rare enough to be very appreciated and festive.  Since this is a quarantine year, it might be best to put them on the tree for family use.

A couple of years ago DH put Christmas lights on an outdoor evergreen tree, and it's beautiful.  We don't put ornaments on it, but we turn on the lights every night.  Instant festivity.

Epiphany (1/6) has gift giving and bright light themes, and is a great night to read aloud O'Henry's "The Gift of the Magi" and give one last Christmas present.  Lots of candles are our theme nod, and since the liturgical color is white, and the gifts of the Wise Men are lavish, to use white, gold, and silver as the colors on the table.  So that is generally when the red and green stuff gets put away.

New Year's Eve--champagne or sparkling cider cooling in the snow if there is any.  Cheese fondue for dinner.  Fudge for dessert.  No resolutions, but sometimes a memories envelope to put one or two good memories each in and open the next year.  No one else in the family does this, but I pick and write down a Word of the Year.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

14 hours ago, klmama said:

I love the movie Arthur Christmas.   I think it's the perfect secular Christmas movie.  I've even watched it in the summer when I wanted to cheer myself up.  

it’s one of my favorites too. I’ve been known to watch it all year long...in fact I think we’ll watch it tonight.

[klmama]

Another movie that I love is Moms' Night Out.  It's not a Christmas movie, but my dc gave it to me for Christmas, so I have that association.  I laugh so hard every time I see it.  Salmonella!!!!!    

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

24 minutes ago, klmama said:

Another movie that I love is Moms' Night Out.  It's not a Christmas movie, but my dc gave it to me for Christmas, so I have that association.  I laugh so hard every time I see it.  Salmonella!!!!!    

That’s another good one!! I am making a list of movies to rewatch.