Drama Llama Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 DH and my 10 year old could use some fun jobs to do together. Usually, I'd suggest woodworking, which is a good outlet for them, but grief is making DH sluggish and distracted, and DS hyper and impulsive, and adding powertools to that mix seems like a bad idea. I've never worked on a car in my life. If I asked DH to teach DS to change the oil or a tire or something, would that be reasonably safe? Other ideas? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 Totally safe. Dangerous is under the car when it’s up improperly. Car maintenance is a very worthwhile thing to learn! 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 11, 2020 Author Share Posted October 11, 2020 1 minute ago, BlsdMama said: Totally safe. Dangerous is under the car when it’s up improperly. Car maintenance is a very worthwhile thing to learn! Do you have to go under the car to do those things? I'm not sure I trust them to do it "properly". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 Changing the oil doesn't require any power tools. Always drive the car for at least 10+ miles before changing the oil and filter It is a good thing to know how to change a tire. Sadly most cars, if not all cars now, come with miniature spare tires. Knowing how to change a tire safely is a must. Possibly not for a 10 year old, but by the time he is 12 he will be old enough to do many things that adults do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 There are all kinds of wonderful tutorials on YouTube now. Yes, probably the drain plug for the oil is at the bottom of the engine, so that would be hard to get at. And where the Oil Filter is located will depend upon the way the engine is designed. I don't see any reason why someone would get under the car to change a tire. Just have a GOOD jack and have it located correctly before raising the car and don't get under the car. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 Assuming your dh is handy with that stuff it should be fine. (I know that sounds stupid but I never assume. Plenty of people aren’t confident with it for whatever reason) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 11, 2020 Author Share Posted October 11, 2020 To be clear, my DH knows how to change the oil, and a tire. And eventually it would be something he'd teach DS. My goal this week wouldn't be for them to learn. I mean if they do that's fine, but he's 6 years away from driving alone, so there will be time to reteach it. I just need the two of them to do something together, and I need to structure it, and I need it to be something where kid can be engaged and adult kind of on autopilot. And I'm wondering if this is a safe choice given that need. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAS in LA Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 DS12 and I had a great time taking apart a Jeep door to replace the automatic window thingy. I'd never done Anything on a car before. I second Lanny's comment about Youtube tutorials! 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 11, 2020 Author Share Posted October 11, 2020 8 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said: Assuming your dh is handy with that stuff it should be fine. (I know that sounds stupid but I never assume. Plenty of people aren’t confident with it for whatever reason) I think this thread probably doesn't make sense without the context of this thread: In ordinary times, I would not have any hesitation about DH doing this with my kids. But none of us are particularly functional right now, and my anxiety about bad things happening to my 10 year olds is high. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 3 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said: I think you didn't read my other thread. This thread probably doesn't make sense without that context. In ordinary times, I would not have any hesitation about DH doing this with my kids. Yeah I must have missed it. I guess to be more specific my dh is super handy with welding, grinding, electrical work and making things. My oldest has been helping with that stuff for years. They both enjoy it and even in times of stress it would be a safe and happy place. On the other hand for whatever reason my dh really hates working in cars. It makes him stressed and frustrated even when he know what he’s doing so it wouldn’t be a good option for us. However if working on cars is typically a calm enjoyable activity it would be ok. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 Yes, I would consider car repair and maintenance to be a very safe choice. If they might get into detailing at all, youtube is full of surprisingly popular videos that give you all kinds of tips and ideas. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 I'm thinking that after the car maintenance, doing the car detailing (along with the fun parts of tons of soapy water and big brushy thing and the armor spray stuff and vacuum and wax ) could extend the activity time and be exceptionally safe. You can stretch this out to hours as necessary. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 11, 2020 Author Share Posted October 11, 2020 3 minutes ago, Moonhawk said: I'm thinking that after the car maintenance, doing the car detailing (along with the fun parts of tons of soapy water and big brushy thing and the armor spray stuff and vacuum and wax ) could extend the activity time and be exceptionally safe. You can stretch this out to hours as necessary. Maybe we start there? That sounds like a good idea. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 5 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said: Maybe we start there? That sounds like a good idea. It's fun, too 😄 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barnwife Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 Well, all of ours (minus the NB) help DH with working on our tractors, backhoes, and vehicles. So that's a 10 yo, 8 yo, 7 yo, and almost 4 yo. Frankly, the 10 yo probably (almost certainly) knows more about vehicles/vehicle maintenance than I do. Obviously DH gives them age appropriate jobs (so the 4 yo gets a tiny tool and something he can't possibly harm to "work on" as he observes). So yes, I'd vote safe. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 We do most of the repairs and maintenance on ours. I find it to be therapeutic if I am stressed. My DD has helped regularly with this since she was little. Car detailing can be very therapeutic along with seeing the benefits a bit faster if that is what they need right now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebcoola Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Sure my kids have been learning and helping dad for ages. Their are lots of things like oil and filter changes that are not dangerous at all. Changing tires is safe because even though you jack it up you aren't under the car. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 If you don’t set up the jack right, and the car slips off and your arms are in the wheel well, they will both be broken by the car falling. I know someone that this happened to. Very important to get this exactly right. Better yet, use ramps. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Just wanted to say that I think it's a great idea to do projects together like that. When my mother was undergoing cancer treatments, my dad and my brother built a miniature pond in our backyard, adding plants and fish and even a little waterfall. I was too young to really understand what was going on, and my sister was full swing into high school activities... My brother was at a vulnerable age and that time was very valuable and healthy for him. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 6 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said: If you don’t set up the jack right, and the car slips off and your arms are in the wheel well, they will both be broken by the car falling. I know someone that this happened to. Very important to get this exactly right. Better yet, use ramps. See, this is what I'm afraid of. In other times, I wouldn't have this fear, but now I do. I don't think we have ramps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootAnn Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 I'd suggest cleaning out the garage before or after detailing the car. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 10 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said: See, this is what I'm afraid of. In other times, I wouldn't have this fear, but now I do. I don't think we have ramps. Ramps can be dangerous too. Not weighted correctly for the vehicle ( buying and not reading or not knowing weight limits/vehicle) and they can collapse/bend. I use a jack for most things. Learning how to properly place a jack is good. Plus, most will have a jack in a emergency (flat tire) than having ramps in the car. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 Just now, itsheresomewhere said: Ramps can be dangerous too. Not weighted correctly for the vehicle ( buying and not reading or not knowing weight limits/vehicle) and they can collapse/bend. I use a jack for most things. Learning how to properly place a jack is good. Plus, most will have a jack in a emergency (flat tire) than having ramps in the car. Do they need a jack or a ramp to change the oil? I am thinking the jack is not for us now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) Since your DS found comfort in religion- does your church have an area they could dedicate a space to him? Perhaps, plant a small perennial garden with a bench for reflecting for anyone who wants. That could be an project for them that can live on for his memory. Edited October 12, 2020 by itsheresomewhere 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said: Do they need a jack or a ramp to change the oil? I am thinking the jack is not for us now. Unless you have a high truck/van that you can get under and reach, then yes you need a jack. Edited October 12, 2020 by itsheresomewhere 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 3 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said: Since your DS found comfort in religion- does your church have an area they could dedicate a space to him? Perhaps, plant a small perennial garden with a bench for reflecting for anyone who wants. That could be an project for them that can go on. I think what my youngest needs right now is a break from the focus on his brother. In time, I think that would be lovely, but right now, I think he kind of needs to lose himself in an activity that has nothing to do with loss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Not being a mean by asking this- have you asked your DS what he might like to learn with dad? It doesn’t have to be phrased as a way to help with the loss. You could just say I was thinking and wondered if you might want to learn a new hobby/skill with your dad and wondered if you had any thoughts on what you might want to do. It might give you a good idea that doesn’t make your anxiety dealing with everything go even higher. My friend lost a child and building the memory garden actually helped her DS through this. Perhaps, it was the therapy, the hard work and planning or a combo of all and working together but he does talk about how it helped him. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Lawn work? Like, fertilizing, weeding, etc? Video games, playing together? Card games to play with dad? My 10 yr old DD loves card games, anything from war to trivia games from Professor Noggin. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Projects my kids did with my husband at various ages: making bluebird nestboxes making windchimes from bamboo or steel pipes making etched glass I think the washing and detailing of the car might be better for you mentally; it would be hard to get hurt making a car sparkle. (((Hugs))) 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, ktgrok said: Lawn work? Like, fertilizing, weeding, etc? Video games, playing together? Card games to play with dad? My 10 yr old DD loves card games, anything from war to trivia games from Professor Noggin. Depending on where she is it could be- raking leaves, wait ten minutes and rake again. Lol We love Professor Noggin stuff. Edited October 12, 2020 by itsheresomewhere 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 4 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said: Not being a mean by asking this- have you asked your DS what he might like to learn with dad? It doesn’t have to be phrased as a way to help with the loss. You could just say I was thinking and wondered if you might want to learn a new hobby/skill with your dad and wondered if you had any thoughts on what you might want to do. It might give you a good idea that doesn’t make your anxiety dealing with everything go even higher. I don't think it's mean. At this point, I think they need the structure of being told what to do. The two of them are grieving really differently, which makes sense since one is a little kid, but it's making it hard for them to connect at all, and so I think they need help. 4 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said: My friend lost a child and building the memory garden actually helped her DS through this. Perhaps, it was the therapy, the hard work and planning or a combo of all and working together but he does talk about how it helped him. I think a memory garden is a great idea. We just aren't there yet. Please don't quote this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Maybe a kit for something so completely outside their normal likes- Cooking box- some many are available and you could work up to making an iron chef one. If your DH likes woodworking, maybe cake decorating. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 If the idea of jacking up the car is just too stressful for you right now, there are still plenty of things to clean and adjust under the hood even if nothing needs 'fixing.' Just learning what things are called and what they do can occupy some time. Plus little maintenance things like changing the windshield wipers, cleaning or defogging the headlights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) How about gardening? That would be safe and something they both can do together. Perhaps they could build you a vegetable garden? I let my DH and DS dig a large trench together and then build a raised bed (without using power tools by purchasing easy to assemble materials) and then haul in material to fill it etc. It completely absorbed their free time and it was a good break during some stressful times in our life. Another idea would be letting them wash and vacuum every car in your extended family! That should occupy them for a while 🙂 Edited October 12, 2020 by mathnerd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
domestic_engineer Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, katilac said: If the idea of jacking up the car is just too stressful for you right now, there are still plenty of things to clean and adjust under the hood even if nothing needs 'fixing.' Just learning what things are called and what they do can occupy some time. Plus little maintenance things like changing the windshield wipers, cleaning or defogging the headlights. Other easy maintenance things: Changing the air filter(s). Topping off the windshield fluid. Inflate the tires to the proper pressure. eta: what about doing bike maintenance? Or winterizing the mower / power tools? Edited October 12, 2020 by domestic_engineer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) My Dh taught all my boys how to do oil changes and change a tire around 10 or younger. A favorite project of Dh is to get a ten or just under child to pull a lawn mower completely apart and rebuild it. teaches lots about how engines work Edited October 12, 2020 by Melissa in Australia spelling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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