Kassia Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 My son and his long-time gf moved out of state this year and are driving back for Christmas. They will be stopping at our house overnight on the way to the gf's family home (4 hours away) because we're on the way and it's a long drive, spending a few days there, and then driving back here for Christmas. We've met her parents once (at her graduate school graduation) and they were very nice and they've been good to our son. Other than that, we've had no contact. Should we send our son and his gf back to her house with a small Christmas gift for her family? I'd like to send something but don't want to set up something that we are obligated to do every year and also I worry that they will feel like they have to send something back with the couple for us for Christmas to reciprocate. On the other hand, if we send nothing, it's possible (but unlikely) they would send something back with the couple when they return for Christmas and we'd have no chance to reciprocate in that case. I suspect there will be an engagement announcement but I've suspected that many times over the years and no engagement so far...(they've been together for 7 years). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 Oh I think something small would be a nice gesture and I would send just a little something like a hostess gift. A plate of cookies, a bottle of wine, something consumable or handmade with a card. Here's hoping Christmas 7 is a winner! LOL. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 I was also thinking of a plate of homemade cookies or the like. Another possibility might be a game that your family likes that your son can play with them. Regards, Kareni 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted October 29, 2019 Author Share Posted October 29, 2019 1 minute ago, FuzzyCatz said: Oh I think something small would be a nice gesture and I would send just a little something like a hostess gift. A plate of cookies, a bottle of wine, something consumable or handmade with a card. Here's hoping Christmas 7 is a winner! LOL. Thanks! That's what I was thinking - just something small. Something special produced from our area. I don't want to do food that would have to be consumed right away because they are having a huge family gathering that weekend and I suspect they will already have a ton of food. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 24 minutes ago, Kassia said: I'd like to send something but don't want to set up something that we are obligated to do every year and also I worry that they will feel like they have to send something back with the couple for us for Christmas to reciprocate. That's exactly what will happen, lol. Don't start the madness. If they send something back with your son, no big deal, nothing to worry about. 18 minutes ago, Margaret in CO said: Yes, something small. We send down some beef with the kids, and her family sends up pecans from their tree! I think this is a bit different. If you live on a ranch or have pecan trees, yeah, you're likely to send something. To be honest, though, I'd probably make a point of NOT sending it at the holidays, just to avoid setting the gift machine in motion, lol! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 If you want to avoid an endless gift-giving cycle, I wouldn't send anything purchased! A plate of cookies would be perfect, IMO. It's not a "Here, I went out and bought you this specially" gift but more of a spontaneous "Hey, kids, why don't you take a plate of cookies with you for gf's family?" gift. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 (edited) 53 minutes ago, Kassia said: My son and his long-time gf moved out of state this year and are driving back for Christmas. They will be stopping at our house overnight on the way to the gf's family home (4 hours away) because we're on the way and it's a long drive, spending a few days there, and then driving back here for Christmas. We've met her parents once (at her graduate school graduation) and they were very nice and they've been good to our son. Other than that, we've had no contact. Should we send our son and his gf back to her house with a small Christmas gift for her family? I'd like to send something but don't want to set up something that we are obligated to do every year and also I worry that they will feel like they have to send something back with the couple for us for Christmas to reciprocate. On the other hand, if we send nothing, it's possible (but unlikely) they would send something back with the couple when they return for Christmas and we'd have no chance to reciprocate in that case. I suspect there will be an engagement announcement but I've suspected that many times over the years and no engagement so far...(they've been together for 7 years). I'd send them a card When my now-husband and I were engaged, we went to his family's for Christmas. they did have a gift for me. And they sent my parents a Christmas card (With a nice note. My mom always mentions the nice note she gets from my mother-in-law) and my parents sent them a Christmas card. Edited October 29, 2019 by vonfirmath 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasc Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 I’m not in this type of situation yet, but I agree with sending a nice card with a kind note written inside. Thoughtful, easily done year after year, basically free, and almost always appreciated. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vmsurbat1 Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 I'd send a small homemade something (jam? homemade bread, quick or yeasted? cookies? spiced nuts?) as a gift, especially knowing your son and gf are going directly to her parents. I wouldn't see it as setting up some annual exchange either to continue forever. Until the young people declare themselves in a permanent relationship, I wouldn't send a card --that seems a bit too intimate to me. Disclaimer: With our daughter (and now son-in-law), that is pretty much how we handled it.... Polite small gifts==> small gifts (if convenient--we live 1000s of miles away) and written emails/notes now that we are family. 🙂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 I send something homemade - but something they could freeze if they had their menu and snacks all planned out. And something not too sweet - pumpkin bread? Ranch oyster crackers? Or maybe some homemade pumpkin butter or apple butter? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 something small and edible? a box of chocolates. a movie and a thing of kettle corn? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted October 29, 2019 Author Share Posted October 29, 2019 2 hours ago, vmsurbat1 said: I'd send a small homemade something (jam? homemade bread, quick or yeasted? cookies? spiced nuts?) as a gift, 🙂 53 minutes ago, Bambam said: I send something homemade - but something they could freeze if they had their menu and snacks all planned out. And something not too sweet - pumpkin bread? Ranch oyster crackers? Or maybe some homemade pumpkin butter or apple butter? I like this idea but am terrible at making homemade stuff as gifts and I am always so stressed and overwhelmed during the holiday season (bah humbug!) due to how busy we are that I don't want to add another duty to that time. I guess I could make a pumpkin bread but then I have to figure out a nice way to wrap it other than just foil like I do at home. I just don't want to add more to my plate, which is why I thought just purchasing something ahead of time would be best if we do anything at all. Lots to think about! A big thank you for all the responses! I just wish everyone came up with the same response! 🙂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 If you have a local specialty place - like a mom & pop salsa company - or something like that - maybe send a bottle of their salsa? We have a famous fruit cake place near here, so something like that might be nice too. A local farmer's market that has a local place that makes different kinds of honey? Jams? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted October 29, 2019 Author Share Posted October 29, 2019 53 minutes ago, Bambam said: If you have a local specialty place - like a mom & pop salsa company - or something like that - maybe send a bottle of their salsa? We have a famous fruit cake place near here, so something like that might be nice too. A local farmer's market that has a local place that makes different kinds of honey? Jams? This is what I was thinking. We live in Amish/maple syrup/apple country and I was thinking of something small like a jar of maple spread and a jar of apple butter or something like that. Unfortunately, my son gives them a gift every year and he did a local theme one year so if I may be duplicating a bit but I figure it's the thought that counts. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 32 minutes ago, Kassia said: This is what I was thinking. We live in Amish/maple syrup/apple country and I was thinking of something small like a jar of maple spread and a jar of apple butter or something like that. Unfortunately, my son gives them a gift every year and he did a local theme one year so if I may be duplicating a bit but I figure it's the thought that counts. Feel free to send me maple syrup for any number of years in a row 😁 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 8 minutes ago, katilac said: Feel free to send me maple syrup for any number of years in a row 😁 We have maple syrup, maple ice cream, maple candies, maple cookies, maple jerky (DH and dd love this), maple popcorn...it's endless! In the spring, many local organizations have all you can eat pancake breakfasts for fundraisers and use locally produced syrup. So much fun and delicious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Maple chocolates 🙂 We ate that in Canada. For friends (regardless of gender) that I have known for so many years, my parents would have send me along with a non perishable food gift from them as a hostess gift. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 I sent caramel apples to my dd's (now former) boyfriend's family. I ordered thru Mrs. Prindables. They chose to get a small gift for my daughter (not our family) but they had 3 young/teen boys at home so I thought they'd appreciate food! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vmsurbat1 Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 12 hours ago, Kassia said: I guess I could make a pumpkin bread but then I have to figure out a nice way to wrap it other than just foil like I do at home. If you'd LIKED to send something homemade (vs. store-bought), wrap your bread in foil and tie a red ribbon around it. Voila! A gift! 🙂 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Although a gift would be a nice gesture, if this would be the first time you have sent something to them in seven years, I wonder if you would be setting off some confusion on their end. They may wonder if they need to reciprocate, or if you will think it's rude, if they do not. I think a homemade treat can be presented as a casual hostess gift: "My mom made some pumpkin bread and thought you might like to have a loaf," but something purchased carries a different connotation. i would either do a homemade gift (I understand why that can seem difficult) or a card with a friendly greeting. I wouldn't purchase something. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 7 hours ago, Chris in VA said: I ordered thru Mrs. Prindables. I've never heard of this place before and checked out their website! Looks great - I am going to keep this in mind for future gifts. 2 hours ago, vmsurbat1 said: If you'd LIKED to send something homemade (vs. store-bought), wrap your bread in foil and tie a red ribbon around it. Voila! A gift! 🙂 Perfect! 🙂 1 hour ago, Storygirl said: Although a gift would be a nice gesture, if this would be the first time you have sent something to them in seven years, I wonder if you would be setting off some confusion on their end. They may wonder if they need to reciprocate, or if you will think it's rude, if they do not. I think a homemade treat can be presented as a casual hostess gift: "My mom made some pumpkin bread and thought you might like to have a loaf," but something purchased carries a different connotation. i would either do a homemade gift (I understand why that can seem difficult) or a card with a friendly greeting. I wouldn't purchase something. Thank you. You have a good point and I like the idea of just sending something baked as a casual hostess gift vs. a purchased gift. This will be the first time my son and his gf are traveling straight from our home to theirs, though. Last year, the gf traveled alone from our home to her family and I didn't send anything (didn't even think of it). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 On 10/29/2019 at 12:45 PM, Kassia said: My son and his long-time gf moved out of state this year and are driving back for Christmas. They will be stopping at our house overnight on the way to the gf's family home (4 hours away) because we're on the way and it's a long drive, spending a few days there, and then driving back here for Christmas. We've met her parents once (at her graduate school graduation) and they were very nice and they've been good to our son. Other than that, we've had no contact. Should we send our son and his gf back to her house with a small Christmas gift for her family? I'd like to send something but don't want to set up something that we are obligated to do every year and also I worry that they will feel like they have to send something back with the couple for us for Christmas to reciprocate. On the other hand, if we send nothing, it's possible (but unlikely) they would send something back with the couple when they return for Christmas and we'd have no chance to reciprocate in that case. I suspect there will be an engagement announcement but I've suspected that many times over the years and no engagement so far...(they've been together for 7 years). I'd have the couple help you make a batch of cookies or bread or something and just send that with them. The gesture is there, it's not extravagant, and it's consumable so there is no expectation to store a thing forever. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 I agree with pp. If you want to send something, I'd probably send a local treat as just a thoughtful gesture, but not wrap it as a Christmas gift. That way, it might lessen their feelings of reciprocal obligation. Our family is so large (immediate and extended), that it's hard to financially cover the bases during the holidays, as it is. There are lots of people I would love to give gifts to, but we just can't afford to do so, even if I feel a reciprocal gift should be given. 😞 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 I would not and here is why....1) you will set up a precedence for future years. Do you really want to keep this up for always? and 2) it will likely cause embarrassment for them if they have not gotten you a gift. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 I would also make sure the gf knows nothing is expected back, so her mom isn’t frantically baking cookies or running out to buy something. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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