We have tons of belongings in the attic. Some I inherited from my parents and it's hard to rehome some of their stuff. Long.

[sheryl]

My Mom passed away Nov 1988 and some of you may remember my Dad passed away Aug 2015.  I'm the youngest with an older brother and sister.   Each one inherited some from my Mom and with my Dad we made several trips back to my home state of Ohio to sell his house and divide the belongings.  Sounds strange to phrase it that way - divide the belongings.  Don't like the sound of that but that's what it basically was.  I've "kept" special little cards, letters, gifts my boyfriend (now husband) and I exchanged in college YEARS AGO.  I've kept some cards my Mom was given when she was in the hospital.  And, I have my Mom's journals.  I have little things and big things I inherited from my Dad (2006 Saturn Vue my dd has driven since 2016, cards, antique lamp that was my Dad's when he was baby, my parents full size bed head/foot board that's in storage, etc).  And, other things.  

This all started because my husband is a pack rat and dd and I can't stand it anymore.  We'd like to move and realize we have decades worth of added belongings to our attic that has never been dealt with.  DD started about 6 weeks ago when she spent hours on and off one day to bring down boxes (pull down attic - not ideal).  I stood at the bottom and put them in our extra room to "go through".  We know that we've stuffed and crammed things in to the attic storage for years.  It's overflowing.  Those "things" that belonged to my Mom and Dad and our stuff (old college books - why?, dd's crib that I can't part with) and soooooooo much more.  I asked dh today how much less fraction-wise is in the attic b/c dd brought down a lot several weeks ago.   DH ended up bringing some down too.  He said it's less up there by about 1/5.   It takes time to go through each  box and decide what to do with the contents.  And, that's only part of what we need to do to complete with huge project that is very emotional.   One box times dozens.   I know it's just "stuff" as my brother called it earlier this afternoon.   This thread is also started because I have tons of older pictures.  Two photo albums - one was my Grandmother's and one was my Mom's.  And, actually, deciding what to do is not so obvious. Keep or toss?   I like older pictures - paper.  Crumpled, discolored pictures that show age!  There are hundreds or nearly 1,000.  What on earthy do I do with several hundred pics?  I'm not going to frame that many and display.  People take pictures and except for a few up here and there in frames or such, usually they're stored.  I think I've decided to have dh teach dd and I how to scan/organize most of the pictures and keep copies as files.  I'll keep a few of the original paper pics.  Sound good?   I asked my brother and sister and they'll take some.  I just have a hard time throwing away pictures of family members.   The albums and pictures have 50-75 or more years old.   

And, those are just the pics.  What do y'all do with your parent/s belongings?  I kept a few of my Mom's clothes (a couple of vintage skirts and dresses) but they STAY in the closet.  For what?  They aren't being used.  And, I'm not going to build a "shrine".  Even though they are older style, it is now back in style - lol!  

How on earth do you release these things?  Let the floodgates of emotion open!  Wide.  And, I'm a sentimentalist.  Oh, I've kept dd's crib and 2 boxes of her clothes that were just the cutest.  I've got to let these go to someone who can use them and keep maybe 2-3 special outfits (not 2-3 boxes!).

Tell me what you do.  How did you decide?  Do you regret your decision.  Thanks!  

[Carol in Cal.]

It’s fine to be sentimental if you have room for the stuff.

Really, despite current screaming about minimalism, it is fine.

Having said that, it’s fine to let things go, too.  When we had DD, my mom offered us their old maple crib that all of us kids had used.  And I really didn’t want to use it, but the cradle—OMGosh the cradle—that was special.  Then DFIL made DD a cradle as a baby gift.  So first we used that, and then we used the family cradle (which was far bigger) and then we used a hand me down crib that met modern safety requirements.  Anyway, long story but, the point is, that crib did not become sentimental, so I am happy to let it go.  But the cradle that DFIL made, that is special, and we used it to corral a plethora of stuffed toys in the living room for a few years, and then stored it.  I can’t imagine letting it go.

Bottom line, not everything that ever touched DD as a baby has that feel, and I’m great with letting stuff go that is not so special.  If you love your crib, maybe put it against a wall with a stack of special quilts in it?  Or toys for the grandchildren?  There is no shame in keeping something like that.

Pictures could stay in boxes or albums, but I can’t imagine getting rid of those.  That is your legacy.  

I find that the sentimental feel of things diminishes with time.  I took a bunch of my mom’s old clothes and they meant something to me at the time, but they don’t anymore so the next time I go digging in that particular attic they are going to go.  I think that is fine.  Enjoy your stuff.  Get rid of what you don’t love and can’t enjoy.  Keep what you want.  Don’t let anyone tell you different.  You might not be ready to let those baby clothes go yet, but in a few years it might be much easier.

[EmilyGF]

I think it helps to know that you are keeping these things for sentimental reasons and not because they have any non-emotional value (they won't bring in any money if sold during an estate sale).

If there are things you want your kids to have, you probably need to sort things for your kids. My BIL has threatened his pack rat parents to simply throw everything away after they die if they don't sort out the junk (15 years of old Computer magazines, for instance, and polyester pantsuits from the 70s).

You may try to ask yourself why you keep things. Dan Aslett has some books that touch on this humorously, like Lose 200 Pounds this Weekend! My in-laws keep old stuff because it ties them to a time when they were financially successful, before their business collapsed. 

[Shoeless]

Do you have any extended family that might want some pictures? Are there cousins, aunts, anyone who you could send them to?  As an amateur genealogist, the idea of throwing out family photos pains me.  The only reason I know what my 3rd great grandfather looks like is because a distant relative's wife saved a bunch of old photos from her in-laws estate.  It means so much to me to know what my ancestors looked like.   If you are really just *done* with owning the photos, then I encourage you to look up any relatives that have connections to the photos and pass them on.  There's bound to be a relative somewhere that would really, really love them. 

 

 

 

[prairiewindmomma]

8 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

Do you have any extended family that might want some pictures? Are there cousins, aunts, anyone who you could send them to?  As an amateur genealogist, the idea of throwing out family photos pains me.  The only reason I know what my 3rd great grandfather looks like is because a distant relative's wife saved a bunch of old photos from her in-laws estate.  It means so much to me to know what my ancestors looked like.   If you are really just *done* with owning the photos, then I encourage you to look up any relatives that have connections to the photos and pass them on.  There's bound to be a relative somewhere that would really, really love them. 

 

 

 

Or add a few of the best and oldest ones to a genealogy website like family search.org (free) or ancestry (free trial).

[prairiewindmomma]

1 hour ago, sheryl said:

 

Tell me what you do.  How did you decide?  Do you regret your decision.  Thanks!  

It sounds like you want to move and you would like to downsize what you have in storage. Can you define by how much? Like, can you say that you can only take x amount with you or that you are only willing to rent a storage unit that it $60/mo.? Does setting a limit this way help you....being able to prioritize out of all that is there?

If you think in your mind right now, the house is in the path of a wildfire and I can only take 5 keepsake things with me, what would those be? Does that help with prioritizing?

Can you make a list in your mind of what is in the attic? 

————-

For me, accepting limitations and working towards my priorities helped. I photographed the rest and parted ways with it.

 

[prairiewindmomma]

Forgot to add....I downsized in rounds, making deeper cuts each time. I got rid of what I didn’t feel emotional ties to first and then in later rounds could better prioritize. We had to relocate cross-country, had no basement or attic in the new house, and no $ for a storage unit. Everything went into four large totes.

[Shoeless]

20 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Or add a few of the best and oldest ones to a genealogy website like family search.org (free) or ancestry (free trial).

Absolutely!  Another place is findagrave.com (also free).  I found the wedding pictures of my great great grandparents through someone on findagrave.  

[EmilyGF]

2 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

It sounds like you want to move and you would like to downsize what you have in storage. Can you define by how much? Like, can you say that you can only take x amount with you or that you are only willing to rent a storage unit that it $60/mo.? Does setting a limit this way help you....being able to prioritize out of all that is there?

If you think in your mind right now, the house is in the path of a wildfire and I can only take 5 keepsake things with me, what would those be? Does that help with prioritizing?

Can you make a list in your mind of what is in the attic? 

————-

For me, accepting limitations and working towards my priorities helped. I photographed the rest and parted ways with it.

 

For me, this would be key. Moderation in decluttering as well as in the rest of life. 🙂 It isn't all or nothing. 

[marbel]

6 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

<snip>

For me, accepting limitations and working towards my priorities helped. I photographed the rest and parted ways with it.

This was what helped me when I had to get rid of a lot of stuff, including some pieces of furniture I'd inherited and that I loved. We were moving and I knew the things wouldn't fit in the house; I was not wiling to pay for storage (we ended up with a storage unit anyway for other things which I hate having) and I knew that ultimately it did not matter.  Twelve years later I don't think of those things anymore except at times like this when I'm talking about the topic; I feel a small twinge of sadness and then it's over.  

[HomeAgain]

Think of it like losing weight.  It didn't accumulate overnight and it's not going to disappear overnight without a lot of pain involved.  So you plod along, doing what you've been doing.  As you go through, figure out what memories you have with each item and whether you should hold on, or be okay to let go of.

As far as the pictures, I'd go through them and make piles of
Definitely keep
Definitely display/create scans to make photo books of for each kid
Someone else would appreciate them more (extended family, older friends, etc)
Discard (blurry, weird)
Not sure, deal with later.

FWIW, we lost all pictures many years ago except what I had put in online storage.  Everything.  My oldest had to do a high school project with pictures of himself growing up and after trying to explain to his teacher that there weren't any for certain ages, he gave up and showed photos of the damage for those years.  This year my sister found a few she had from visits and sent them to my son as part of a birthday present.  He said that was the best part of the gift, because nobody else could give him back those memories.  I'm creating books now with what we have along with a few viewmaster reels so that in addition to digital, my kids have tangible when they leave home.

You can do similar with the rest of your belongings.  Hold it and figure out where its place is in your home.  Think about if it would be better in someone else's home.  Some things you'll put back and revisit them in a year or so, and that's okay, too.  You're not ready yet for that decision when it comes to those things. 

[Carrie12345]

6 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Forgot to add....I downsized in rounds, making deeper cuts each time. I got rid of what I didn’t feel emotional ties to first and then in later rounds could better prioritize. We had to relocate cross-country, had no basement or attic in the new house, and no $ for a storage unit. Everything went into four large totes.

This is how I declutter, admittedly 99.9% with my own and my kids’ stuff. I’m sure it’s harder with other people’s stuff, but the concept is still solid.

I’d save pictures for absolute last if possible. That’s its own project and (to me) the most important one. Unless there are a significant number of crummy pictures or duplicates, in which case those can be easily culled.

I like the idea of prioritizing by considering what you would take in an evacuation. Not that that should be all you keep, but it gives perspective.

There aren’t many heirlooms at all from my side of the family, which used to bum me out just a little.  Maybe it would have more if I had space to store things, lol.  In dh’s family, there were TONS of things. Literal tons. But a huge percentage were ruined due to lack of care.  Okay, due to hoarding.  It still bothers dh a little, but there’s also some relief there. A lot of the weight of worrying about what we’d do with so much stuff (even across 2 siblings) has been alleviated. And now I’m even more committed to keeping that weight off of my kids in the future.  They’ll have more pictures than they can ever look at, lol, but not a whole bunch of bulky stuff to feel obligated to keep.

[lmrich]

I would scan the pictures in to somehow. Then put them in an archival box. 

Depart with the crib; it will not meet safety standards of today most likely. 

Next work on your mindset. When you donate nice items, you are gifting them to some folks in need. Imagine their joy - that can lessen your sadness. With items that need to be thrown away, imagine clearing space, keeping things cleaner. Focus on the positive outcomes. Set goals. 1/5 of the attic this weekend and then 1/5 the next. Take breaks when you feel overwhelmed. 

(I am also writing this to help me with my tasks this week! It is hard to part with items that have love attached to them.)

[lavender's green]

It can be helpful to set an arbitrary limit on what you'll keep. Like, one large tote bin of mom's stuff. You can always revise that later if you decide that 2 or 3+ is more reasonable.

When I Konmaried the house a year ago, I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't throwing away my loved ones. Just some of their stuff. I tried to save 2-3 examples of each person's writing, a keepsake or two, and then kept repeating "I am not throwing away Grandma. I am not throwing away Aunt Betty. I am not throwing away my baby," even as I discarded things they had once written, enjoyed, or worn. For photos, I have something like this. It holds 1600 photos. I have a larger box for large and odd-sized photos.

Do it when you're ready, though. Don't let the minimalists goad you into something you're not prepared for yet. Since you and your family are already thinking about it, there will probably come a time when it feels right.

[barnwife]

9 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

It’s fine to be sentimental if you have room for the stuff...

...Enjoy your stuff.  Get rid of what you don’t love and can’t enjoy.  Keep what you want.  Don’t let anyone tell you different.  You might not be ready to let those baby clothes go yet, but in a few years it might be much easier.

 

I agree, everybody has boxes of stuff that they haven't unpacked from their last move or two. Don't let it bother you too much if it's out of the way.  

Also, don't worry about the two baby outfits or two boxes of photos, that's not what fills up the attic.  It's a few dozen boxes of clothes and a few dozen more of household stuff that fills an attic.  It is work to sort and get rid of stuff,  not fun at all, but worth it in the end in time savings if you have to move or for your heirs.  The best advice I can add is to look at it as a chore like scrubbing the toilet, try not to make it about the memories, that just bogs you down. 

[history-fan]

I work with my local historical society and we absolutely love it when people go through their attics and ask us if we want things donated. Many times they say they “didn’t think anyone would want it. Find  the local historical society where your parents lived and ask , there may be several local ones too. I don’t think we have turned anything away yet. We actually put ads in the paper requesting items. Things donated are: scrapbooks full of newspaper clippings, photographs, old greeting cards, journals, clothing, housewares, tools, school yearbooks, toys, recipe cards, buttons, sports items........

i think it helps people de clutter knowing they know someone else would appreciate it.

 

[sheryl]

13 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

It’s fine to be sentimental if you have room for the stuff.

Really, despite current screaming about minimalism, it is fine.

Having said that, it’s fine to let things go, too.  When we had DD, my mom offered us their old maple crib that all of us kids had used.  And I really didn’t want to use it, but the cradle—OMGosh the cradle—that was special.  Then DFIL made DD a cradle as a baby gift.  So first we used that, and then we used the family cradle (which was far bigger) and then we used a hand me down crib that met modern safety requirements.  Anyway, long story but, the point is, that crib did not become sentimental, so I am happy to let it go.  But the cradle that DFIL made, that is special, and we used it to corral a plethora of stuffed toys in the living room for a few years, and then stored it.  I can’t imagine letting it go.

Bottom line, not everything that ever touched DD as a baby has that feel, and I’m great with letting stuff go that is not so special.  If you love your crib, maybe put it against a wall with a stack of special quilts in it?  Or toys for the grandchildren?  There is no shame in keeping something like that.

Pictures could stay in boxes or albums, but I can’t imagine getting rid of those.  That is your legacy.  

I find that the sentimental feel of things diminishes with time.  I took a bunch of my mom’s old clothes and they meant something to me at the time, but they don’t anymore so the next time I go digging in that particular attic they are going to go.  I think that is fine.  Enjoy your stuff.  Get rid of what you don’t love and can’t enjoy.  Keep what you want.  Don’t let anyone tell you different.  You might not be ready to let those baby clothes go yet, but in a few years it might be much easier.

Wow, Carol! Yours is the first reply and the first sentence was just so right on!  Thanks!  The cradle sounds beautiful and I could totally see my decorating style as storing/showcasing quilts in a crib.  Will think on that one.   Re: old photos.  I get it.  That's why I'm asking my relatives who wants what.  I ended up (gladly took) the old photos for those reasons.  I couldn't imagine them NOT going to family.  But, they are stored and NEVER looked at.  I'm trying to reconcile if and why I should keep them.  Well, not really.  I'll look at and scan many and pass those on that were scanned to relatives.  Then, I'll keep others.  Would like to display in some way so they don't stay stored up NOT being looked at.  I agree wholeheartedly that sentimental dispositions may diminish over time. I guess that's where I am to a point but I know when I deal with some of these things and donate them, I won't get them back.  I could the pics if they go to family but I won't get anything else back b/c it will be donated.  Maybe I just need to do this process more slowly.  Although it's been slow b/c there is so much and it takes time to go through. 

12 hours ago, EmilyGF said:

I think it helps to know that you are keeping these things for sentimental reasons and not because they have any non-emotional value (they won't bring in any money if sold during an estate sale).

If there are things you want your kids to have, you probably need to sort things for your kids. My BIL has threatened his pack rat parents to simply throw everything away after they die if they don't sort out the junk (15 years of old Computer magazines, for instance, and polyester pantsuits from the 70s).

You may try to ask yourself why you keep things. Dan Aslett has some books that touch on this humorously, like Lose 200 Pounds this Weekend! My in-laws keep old stuff because it ties them to a time when they were financially successful, before their business collapsed. 

Hmmm, that's a thought. WHY?  Well, I don't know except I guess the root is 1) I am sentimental 2) keeping a connection.  That statement made me think of the root.  It puts a new perspective on it.  Thanks, Emily. 

12 hours ago, MissLemon said:

Do you have any extended family that might want some pictures? Are there cousins, aunts, anyone who you could send them to?  As an amateur genealogist, the idea of throwing out family photos pains me.  The only reason I know what my 3rd great grandfather looks like is because a distant relative's wife saved a bunch of old photos from her in-laws estate.  It means so much to me to know what my ancestors looked like.   If you are really just *done* with owning the photos, then I encourage you to look up any relatives that have connections to the photos and pass them on.  There's bound to be a relative somewhere that would really, really love them. 

 

 

 

Yes, in my post I mentioned I'll scan some pics for me to have as a file - my brother and sister said they'd take some.   Other pics (carefully chosen) I will keep.  Would like a way to display these.  My Dad was HUGE in to genealogy and traveled domestically here and there to find resources.  My sister picked it up and said she'll take some of the pics and post on the website.  So cool re: your 3rd great grandfather!  

12 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Or add a few of the best and oldest ones to a genealogy website like family search.org (free) or ancestry (free trial).

Yep, that's what my sister will do with some of the pics.  See one up.  

[sheryl]

12 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

It sounds like you want to move and you would like to downsize what you have in storage. Can you define by how much? Like, can you say that you can only take x amount with you or that you are only willing to rent a storage unit that it $60/mo.? Does setting a limit this way help you....being able to prioritize out of all that is there?

If you think in your mind right now, the house is in the path of a wildfire and I can only take 5 keepsake things with me, what would those be? Does that help with prioritizing?

Can you make a list in your mind of what is in the attic? 

————-

For me, accepting limitations and working towards my priorities helped. I photographed the rest and parted ways with it.

 

Well, we do want to move in to a slightly larger house as ours is small and a split level which does not lend to roominess.  We are renting 2 storage units!   It's ridiculous.  We went through one a few months ago to purge (old, outdatded, etc) and now need to go through the 2nd one.  However, I know I can go back through now and purge even more from the first one - I'm keeping too much for sentimental reasons.  Setting a limit is a good idea.  I didn't do that and I can see where that would have helped if done initially.    The storage unit personnel said people make a mistake of bringing alot of their belongings and storing them.  Then they don't deal with it.  They advise purging first.  That seems like a no-brainer but we didn't do that.  I just wanted this stuff out to be dealt with later.  So, now we're dealing with attic, 2 rooms and 2 storage units.  Prioritize - I am going to consider this.  If we had a hurricane, what few things would I take.  That's good and so is making a list of what's in the attic.  We made a list of contents of storage units but not attic.  That's an EXCELLENT idea.  Thanks.  Many of you are saying limitations and I need to refocus my thinking on this.   Keep some things but with limitations.  If not, it gets out of control.  Guess what.  That's where we are - out of control.  This is a LONG, HARD process!

12 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Forgot to add....I downsized in rounds, making deeper cuts each time. I got rid of what I didn’t feel emotional ties to first and then in later rounds could better prioritize. We had to relocate cross-country, had no basement or attic in the new house, and no $ for a storage unit. Everything went into four large totes.

That is excellent as well.  I can see purging in rounds.  We're not really downsizing (I guess it's a  matter of definition) but purging (old, outdated, not wanted, don't like anymore) stuff but would like to move into a slightly larger home and a ranch.  

11 hours ago, MissLemon said:

Absolutely!  Another place is findagrave.com (also free).  I found the wedding pictures of my great great grandparents through someone on findagrave.  

So is findagrave like ancestry?

10 hours ago, WendyAndMilo said:

I don’t know. I never thought I’d have a storage unit, but here I am with a rather large one because I can’t bear to say goodbye to my grandparents yet.  So all I got is commiseration 😕

And, that's what it is with me.  I can't let go yet.  I read all the responses and one of the pp said that she realized letting go of stuff was not letting go of the person.  That's good and helpful to me.  I need to get rid of some things but will keep a few items.  Key is few. 

[sheryl]

9 hours ago, EmilyGF said:

For me, this would be key. Moderation in decluttering as well as in the rest of life. 🙂 It isn't all or nothing. 

Well, yes, it can carry over to other areas.  Decluttering a storage unit, attic or anything that may be excess or not helpful. 

6 hours ago, marbel said:

This was what helped me when I had to get rid of a lot of stuff, including some pieces of furniture I'd inherited and that I loved. We were moving and I knew the things wouldn't fit in the house; I was not wiling to pay for storage (we ended up with a storage unit anyway for other things which I hate having) and I knew that ultimately it did not matter.  Twelve years later I don't think of those things anymore except at times like this when I'm talking about the topic; I feel a small twinge of sadness and then it's over.  

Oh, I know it's hard and sorry for the twinge.  But, would you clear that up?  You didn't keep some furniture but you put other things in the storage unit?  But, many years later you don't have those things b/c ultimately it doesn't matter.  I'm trying to understand.

5 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

Think of it like losing weight.  It didn't accumulate overnight and it's not going to disappear overnight without a lot of pain involved.  So you plod along, doing what you've been doing.  As you go through, figure out what memories you have with each item and whether you should hold on, or be okay to let go of.

As far as the pictures, I'd go through them and make piles of
Definitely keep
Definitely display/create scans to make photo books of for each kid
Someone else would appreciate them more (extended family, older friends, etc)
Discard (blurry, weird)
Not sure, deal with later.

FWIW, we lost all pictures many years ago except what I had put in online storage.  Everything.  My oldest had to do a high school project with pictures of himself growing up and after trying to explain to his teacher that there weren't any for certain ages, he gave up and showed photos of the damage for those years.  This year my sister found a few she had from visits and sent them to my son as part of a birthday present.  He said that was the best part of the gift, because nobody else could give him back those memories.  I'm creating books now with what we have along with a few viewmaster reels so that in addition to digital, my kids have tangible when they leave home.

You can do similar with the rest of your belongings.  Hold it and figure out where its place is in your home.  Think about if it would be better in someone else's home.  Some things you'll put back and revisit them in a year or so, and that's okay, too.  You're not ready yet for that decision when it comes to those things. 

Re: pics.  That's essentially what I'll be doing.   It will take some time.  These are from my Mom's side of the family.  Actually, dh and I should do this as well with our pics.  He takes pics of EVERYTHING!   I think in the moment to get that shot - I agree with him.  Then I think are we really going to review these pics?   Maybe it's a bad example but people bring board games out to play.  I guess in order to keep more pics and not just a few people would have to bring them to the table and reminisce over them.  Otherwise they just stayed stored up.  So very sorry you lost all your pics.  Does not sound pleasant.  As a pp said, I will probably best approach this in rounds.   I mentioned we decluttered the first storage unit but after reading this thread I think I can go back through and declutter more.  

5 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

This is how I declutter, admittedly 99.9% with my own and my kids’ stuff. I’m sure it’s harder with other people’s stuff, but the concept is still solid.

I’d save pictures for absolute last if possible. That’s its own project and (to me) the most important one. Unless there are a significant number of crummy pictures or duplicates, in which case those can be easily culled.

I like the idea of prioritizing by considering what you would take in an evacuation. Not that that should be all you keep, but it gives perspective.

There aren’t many heirlooms at all from my side of the family, which used to bum me out just a little.  Maybe it would have more if I had space to store things, lol.  In dh’s family, there were TONS of things. Literal tons. But a huge percentage were ruined due to lack of care.  Okay, due to hoarding.  It still bothers dh a little, but there’s also some relief there. A lot of the weight of worrying about what we’d do with so much stuff (even across 2 siblings) has been alleviated. And now I’m even more committed to keeping that weight off of my kids in the future.  They’ll have more pictures than they can ever look at, lol, but not a whole bunch of bulky stuff to feel obligated to keep.

It might be different but same principle for decluttering your own vs. other's stuff.  I feel awkward throwing their stuff away (they are both deceased).  Maybe like the pp said, it's realizing that it's not throwing the person away which helped her.  I like the idea of making a small photo album to give to kids.  

[klmama]

If you have good condition old clothing or shoes (from 50s-80s, especially), you could offer at least some as costumes to a high school theater program or to a community theater group. 

[sheryl]

4 hours ago, lmrich said:

I would scan the pictures in to somehow. Then put them in an archival box. 

Depart with the crib; it will not meet safety standards of today most likely. 

Next work on your mindset. When you donate nice items, you are gifting them to some folks in need. Imagine their joy - that can lessen your sadness. With items that need to be thrown away, imagine clearing space, keeping things cleaner. Focus on the positive outcomes. Set goals. 1/5 of the attic this weekend and then 1/5 the next. Take breaks when you feel overwhelmed. 

(I am also writing this to help me with my tasks this week! It is hard to part with items that have love attached to them.)

We will probably store in 2 locations.  The experts say to do this in case one fails.  The crib I can't toss - at least not now.  That's a keeper for now.  We donate frequently and know that it can greatly bless someone else.  Agree - goal setting is where dd and I just started.  DH works out of the home so his involvement is limited.  Our ENTIRE attic is stuffed.  There's NO WAY we can get to 1/5 of the entire attic in a weekend. But, I hear what your saying.  Set a goal.  If it's 1/5 over 1 month then do that for 4 weeks.  It will be done.   See the surface area and reaching UP (cube) is stuffed not just linear/floor surface area.  It just takes so much time to reread greeting cards, letters, etc!   I like goal-setting and honestly that's the only way it will get done b/c built inn to that is accountability.  🙂

4 hours ago, lavender's green said:

It can be helpful to set an arbitrary limit on what you'll keep. Like, one large tote bin of mom's stuff. You can always revise that later if you decide that 2 or 3+ is more reasonable.

When I Konmaried the house a year ago, I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't throwing away my loved ones. Just some of their stuff. I tried to save 2-3 examples of each person's writing, a keepsake or two, and then kept repeating "I am not throwing away Grandma. I am not throwing away Aunt Betty. I am not throwing away my baby," even as I discarded things they had once written, enjoyed, or worn. For photos, I have something like this. It holds 1600 photos. I have a larger box for large and odd-sized photos.

Do it when you're ready, though. Don't let the minimalists goad you into something you're not prepared for yet. Since you and your family are already thinking about it, there will probably come a time when it feels right.

 

3 hours ago, barnwife said:

 

I agree, everybody has boxes of stuff that they haven't unpacked from their last move or two. Don't let it bother you too much if it's out of the way.  

Also, don't worry about the two baby outfits or two boxes of photos, that's not what fills up the attic.  It's a few dozen boxes of clothes and a few dozen more of household stuff that fills an attic.  It is work to sort and get rid of stuff,  not fun at all, but worth it in the end in time savings if you have to move or for your heirs.  The best advice I can add is to look at it as a chore like scrubbing the toilet, try not to make it about the memories, that just bogs you down. 

Right, 2, 4, 5 boxes is not a big deal.  We have hundreds.  I guess I'm just as responsible as I've kept college textbooks and stuff.  Although my dh has kept so much more.  My point is we both just stored stuff we had that we wanted to keep and when you don't monitor that but add to it year in and year out, it becomes unmanageable.  Absolutely, I'll keep a few of the most precious/special items.  You're right.  We have so many books and household this and that - that's what's taking up space in storage units.  Up in attic, I need to find out what's up there b/c I don't know/remember.  

3 hours ago, history-fan said:

I work with my local historical society and we absolutely love it when people go through their attics and ask us if we want things donated. Many times they say they “didn’t think anyone would want it. Find  the local historical society where your parents lived and ask , there may be several local ones too. I don’t think we have turned anything away yet. We actually put ads in the paper requesting items. Things donated are: scrapbooks full of newspaper clippings, photographs, old greeting cards, journals, clothing, housewares, tools, school yearbooks, toys, recipe cards, buttons, sports items........

i think it helps people de clutter knowing they know someone else would appreciate it.

 

My sister is going to take some of the pics and post on ancestry.

[sheryl]

8 minutes ago, klmama said:

If you have good condition old clothing or shoes (from 50s-80s, especially), you could offer at least some as costumes to a high school theater program or to a community theater group. 

Yes, that thought crossed my mind.  We have an active, professional homeschool theatre group here.  

[prairiewindmomma]

I am going to reframe something you said above, Sheryl.... You said that you need to figure out what is in the attic because you don’t know/remember.... Your life seems to be running along just fine without all of the stuff in the attic. 

I think you may want to consider this project as curating a collection. What is the best way to present a small, manageable, representative presentation of memories? Keep in mind that if this is something you are wanting to pass down that this needs to be manageable and meaningful for them too. What are the key things that reflect them? Have you written down the stories (even just a few lines on a sheet of paper) that solidify those memories?

Make a plan and THEN keep those things that fit into the plan. As an example, my grandfather was a doctor who had a lot of side hobbies....so rather than keeping his stacks of medical papers and old journals, I kept the stethoscope I remember him using on me at the house and his old camera.  He fought at Pearl Harbor so I kept his account of that, and a book tabbed to a page where they mentioned him. All of “his” stuff curated down to the size of a shoebox. I tucked in some photos of him and a few stories of various adventures.

[Storygirl]

If you have Netflix, it might help you to watch Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. I am not personally totally on board with all of the KonMarie methods and philosophy, but I still appreciated what I learned from watching the families on the show go through their tremendous piles of clutter. For you, I am thinking specifically of the episode with the widow, Margie, as she cleans out her husband's clothing and then the rest of the house. We see not only her emotional struggle, but also her resolve, and the results seem transformative for her.

When I declutter, I can easily get overwhelmed and feel bogged down. It's such a mix of emotional and physical labor. Watching someone else work their way through it and come to a moment of happiness at the end was inspirational.

 

[DoraBora]

It can be overwhelming, and it's hard to re-home boxes and boxes full of stuff.  My siblings and I spent nearly three years cleaning out my mom's house so she could sell it and downsize.  She still had both of my grandmothers' things in one of her attics.  I understand keeping things that belonged to someone you loved so much, but you may want to consider choosing just a few photos and one larger thing, unless the item is useful.  Useful things that remind you of your loved ones are awesome!

Think of it this way:  If you choose a handful of old photos to keep, they are precious.  If you choose hundreds, they're common (or at least they aren't as special -- especially if you aren't even going to display them).

You may want to put things you'd like to keep in a pile or a separate area and continually sort through that "keep" pile.  As new things are added, you might find that your feelings toward other items change.

We sorted through a dozen boxes and two or three suitcases full of photos.  We did most of it in one day.  We tossed (shredded) duplicates (double prints!) and photos that were very similar -- even very old ones.  We found a ton of school projects that my siblings and I had made years ago, we chose one or two from each of us and threw away the rest.  We kept almost all of the cards and all of the letters my dad wrote to my mom (including those from when he was away in the US Navy during the Korean War), tied them with a lovely ribbon, and placed them in a keepsake box.  (Our rule for greeting cards to keep was that they had to include a message -- not just a signature.)  We gave Mom that box last year on what would have been their 62nd wedding anniversary.

We started giving vintage clothes, hats, shoes, and props to a local theater group, but after a while, that became too much trouble.  Of course, we were going through someone else's house, not our houses.  You may be willing to farm things out to different groups.  Once we really got into the process, we each began taking things away as soon as we sorted and received approval (from my mom).  I took my loads to a Goodwill collection point near my house (at which I was soon on a first-name basis with the attendants).

I try to keep sentimental items under control.  It's not a one-and-done thing, but a continuous process of shedding things that are no longer special to me.  What has helped me the most is to consider how I want my possessions handled when I become infirm or when I am gone.  I don't want my children to have to go through closets and attics and boxes to find important papers and family photos.  I don't want to be a person who crams her house with things other people might be able to use, allowing them to become ruined by heat and damp because I just can't let stuff go.  I think it's my job to manage my things.  If and when I come to the point at which I need my children's help, I would like to make it simpler for them because I know they will have their own lives and problems.  

[marbel]

1 hour ago, sheryl said:

<snip>

Oh, I know it's hard and sorry for the twinge.  But, would you clear that up?  You didn't keep some furniture but you put other things in the storage unit?  But, many years later you don't have those things b/c ultimately it doesn't matter.  I'm trying to understand.

<snip>

Sorry for being unclear. We did end up getting a storage unit but a much smaller one than we would have needed had we kept that furniture. It would have been very costly to us to have a unit big enough for stuff that we may never have been able to fit into a house.   So, it was sad to get rid of those things, but really in the end it does not matter. Sure I miss them on occasion - when I see a photo, or if the topic comes up in conversation.  I am living daily without those things, and when I think about it dispassionately, I know that keeping them would have been financially costly and some of the things might not have survived long years in a storage unit anyway.  Better to have someone using them even if it's not me. 

I also know that my mother was the most practical of all women, and she would never be upset that I had given away her old dining room set, or whatever. That helps too.

[school17777]

Re:  photos

The 90 year old woman that I ran errands with once a week for several years tried to have something to get rid of every week.  For a few weeks, she went through all her photos and just kept pictures that she felt like her dd would want.  We threw the rest away.  It was hard for me to do that, but she insisted that no one else would be interested in them.  In some ways, I think she gave her dd a gift by not leaving them for her to deal with.

Edited July 7, 2019 by school17777

[marbel]

9 minutes ago, school17777 said:

Re:  photos

The 90 year old woman that I ran errands with once a week for several years tried to have something to get rid of every week.  For a few weeks, so went through all her photos and just kept pictures that she felt like her dd would want.  We threw the rest away.  It was hard for me to do that, but she insisted that no one else would be interested in them.  In some ways, I think she gave her dd a gift by not leaving them for her to deal with.

Photos are important, but not every photo is necessarily important.  I have relatives who are paralyzed by old photos that have no meaning to them or to anyone in their extended family.  One will periodically send one around on facebook asking family members "who is this person?" and no one knows.  If the person and location are not identifiable, then I am not sure what use they are.  I'd rather my parents had left fewer photos overall, but rather just useful photos with names, dates and locations actually attached instead of huge numbers of meaningless photos that have no context at all.  

[sheryl]

1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I am going to reframe something you said above, Sheryl.... You said that you need to figure out what is in the attic because you don’t know/remember.... Your life seems to be running along just fine without all of the stuff in the attic. 

I think you may want to consider this project as curating a collection. What is the best way to present a small, manageable, representative presentation of memories? Keep in mind that if this is something you are wanting to pass down that this needs to be manageable and meaningful for them too. What are the key things that reflect them? Have you written down the stories (even just a few lines on a sheet of paper) that solidify those memories?

Make a plan and THEN keep those things that fit into the plan. As an example, my grandfather was a doctor who had a lot of side hobbies....so rather than keeping his stacks of medical papers and old journals, I kept the stethoscope I remember him using on me at the house and his old camera.  He fought at Pearl Harbor so I kept his account of that, and a book tabbed to a page where they mentioned him. All of “his” stuff curated down to the size of a shoebox. I tucked in some photos of him and a few stories of various adventures.

Exactly!  That's one reason I initiated doing something about it.  I thought one day, "we have all this stuff in the attic and have had so for years upon years that we don't use nor do we remember what we have up there b/c we don't use it, so why are we keeping it"?   To make myself clear the "stuff" consists of our stuff (immediate family: dh, dd and I) and my parents.  Well, actually dh's parents too.  Thanks for the story re: your Grandfather.  That is precious.  Yes, that is a plan.  It's a matter of deciding "what" is MOST meaningful and keeping a smaller collection.  That makes more sense.  It ties in with the other themes of donating to others who can use our "stuff" (theatrical group, history museum, other relatives, general public).

1 hour ago, Storygirl said:

If you have Netflix, it might help you to watch Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. I am not personally totally on board with all of the KonMarie methods and philosophy, but I still appreciated what I learned from watching the families on the show go through their tremendous piles of clutter. For you, I am thinking specifically of the episode with the widow, Margie, as she cleans out her husband's clothing and then the rest of the house. We see not only her emotional struggle, but also her resolve, and the results seem transformative for her.

When I declutter, I can easily get overwhelmed and feel bogged down. It's such a mix of emotional and physical labor. Watching someone else work their way through it and come to a moment of happiness at the end was inspirational.

 

The funny thing is, I kept the more memorable stuff but my dh collects junk.  I'm not bashing here but it's a reality.  He keeps EVERYTHING!  It's frustrating.  

1 hour ago, DoraBora said:

It can be overwhelming, and it's hard to re-home boxes and boxes full of stuff.  My siblings and I spent nearly three years cleaning out my mom's house so she could sell it and downsize.  She still had both of my grandmothers' things in one of her attics.  I understand keeping things that belonged to someone you loved so much, but you may want to consider choosing just a few photos and one larger thing, unless the item is useful.  Useful things that remind you of your loved ones are awesome!

Think of it this way:  If you choose a handful of old photos to keep, they are precious.  If you choose hundreds, they're common (or at least they aren't as special -- especially if you aren't even going to display them).

You may want to put things you'd like to keep in a pile or a separate area and continually sort through that "keep" pile.  As new things are added, you might find that your feelings toward other items change.

We sorted through a dozen boxes and two or three suitcases full of photos.  We did most of it in one day.  We tossed (shredded) duplicates (double prints!) and photos that were very similar -- even very old ones.  We found a ton of school projects that my siblings and I had made years ago, we chose one or two from each of us and threw away the rest.  We kept almost all of the cards and all of the letters my dad wrote to my mom (including those from when he was away in the US Navy during the Korean War), tied them with a lovely ribbon, and placed them in a keepsake box.  (Our rule for greeting cards to keep was that they had to include a message -- not just a signature.)  We gave Mom that box last year on what would have been their 62nd wedding anniversary.

We started giving vintage clothes, hats, shoes, and props to a local theater group, but after a while, that became too much trouble.  Of course, we were going through someone else's house, not our houses.  You may be willing to farm things out to different groups.  Once we really got into the process, we each began taking things away as soon as we sorted and received approval (from my mom).  I took my loads to a Goodwill collection point near my house (at which I was soon on a first-name basis with the attendants).

I try to keep sentimental items under control.  It's not a one-and-done thing, but a continuous process of shedding things that are no longer special to me.  What has helped me the most is to consider how I want my possessions handled when I become infirm or when I am gone.  I don't want my children to have to go through closets and attics and boxes to find important papers and family photos.  I don't want to be a person who crams her house with things other people might be able to use, allowing them to become ruined by heat and damp because I just can't let stuff go.  I think it's my job to manage my things.  If and when I come to the point at which I need my children's help, I would like to make it simpler for them because I know they will have their own lives and problems.  

See, when I hear downsize, automatically I think the reference is footage to house.  I'm "decluttering" stuff so in that respect it's going "down" in size but we'd like to buy a slightly larger house.  And, that's been my new revelation - the on-going process of turning around things.  Something comes in and I need to decide to I really want/need to keep it or do I pitch.  Good point. 

40 minutes ago, marbel said:

Sorry for being unclear. We did end up getting a storage unit but a much smaller one than we would have needed had we kept that furniture. It would have been very costly to us to have a unit big enough for stuff that we may never have been able to fit into a house.   So, it was sad to get rid of those things, but really in the end it does not matter. Sure I miss them on occasion - when I see a photo, or if the topic comes up in conversation.  I am living daily without those things, and when I think about it dispassionately, I know that keeping them would have been financially costly and some of the things might not have survived long years in a storage unit anyway.  Better to have someone using them even if it's not me. 

I also know that my mother was the most practical of all women, and she would never be upset that I had given away her old dining room set, or whatever. That helps too.

OK, that's what I thought you were saying but wasn't certain.  Yes, furniture is nice to keep but you know, overall it's still stuff.   This thread has helped in so many ways.  I'm beginning to think if it serves a function then keep, otherwise toss.  Now, it doesn't have to be physically useable per se, like keeping my Mom's sewing machine which still works.  That is a functioning machine.  It might be useful in as much as it's a conversation piece on display. 

6 minutes ago, school17777 said:

Re:  photos

The 90 year old woman that I ran errands with once a week for several years tried to have something to get rid of every week.  For a few weeks, so went through all her photos and just kept pictures that she felt like her dd would want.  We threw the rest away.  It was hard for me to do that, but she insisted that no one else would be interested in them.  In some ways, I think she gave her dd a gift by not leaving them for her to deal with.

Right, she didn't let it get out of control.  She dealt with it more immediately. 

[sheryl]

2 minutes ago, marbel said:

Photos are important, but not every photo is necessarily important.  I have relatives who are paralyzed by old photos that have no meaning to them or to anyone in their extended family.  One will periodically send one around on facebook asking family members "who is this person?" and no one knows.  If the person and location are not identifiable, then I am not sure what use they are.  I'd rather my parents had left fewer photos overall, but rather just useful photos with names, dates and locations actually attached instead of huge numbers of meaningless photos that have no context at all.  

Exactly!  

[Miss Tick]

My mom found a place she could send her photos and they scanned than and sent them back with a thumb drive. She was a little nervous sending them off, but it worked great. I think she did it in batches. Now she has regained a closet and my brother and I, and maybe some aunts and uncles, have copies of all the photos. I think she roughly grouped them by the people in them and then has a slide in front of each section about who is in the pictures. I agree that if you find pictures where no-one is identifiable it is best to toss them.

I have occasionally grouped a couple of items together and asked dh which most strongly reminded him of his grandparents. It was easier to choose something to keep rather than choose something to get rid of.

3 hours ago, sheryl said:

we're dealing with attic, 2 rooms and 2 storage units.

Work on whatever you are motivated to work on! However, reading this, I wonder if you can reduce what is in the two bedrooms to fit into one of them. Then empty one storage unit into the empty bedroom and stop paying rent on it. Then repeat the process. Meantime you could keep a box at a time of photos or greeting cards by the tv to sort through while you are watching, or by the table for during meal times.

I agree with a pp that unless there is a special, personal message in it, greeting cards are meant to be enjoyed in the moment and then sent in their way.

[sheryl]

22 minutes ago, SusanC said:

My mom found a place she could send her photos and they scanned than and sent them back with a thumb drive. She was a little nervous sending them off, but it worked great. I think she did it in batches. Now she has regained a closet and my brother and I, and maybe some aunts and uncles, have copies of all the photos. I think she roughly grouped them by the people in them and then has a slide in front of each section about who is in the pictures. I agree that if you find pictures where no-one is identifiable it is best to toss them.

I have occasionally grouped a couple of items together and asked dh which most strongly reminded him of his grandparents. It was easier to choose something to keep rather than choose something to get rid of.

Work on whatever you are motivated to work on! However, reading this, I wonder if you can reduce what is in the two bedrooms to fit into one of them. Then empty one storage unit into the empty bedroom and stop paying rent on it. Then repeat the process. Meantime you could keep a box at a time of photos or greeting cards by the tv to sort through while you are watching, or by the table for during meal times.

I agree with a pp that unless there is a special, personal message in it, greeting cards are meant to be enjoyed in the moment and then sent in their way.

Right.  We've scanned before - other pics. LOL!  We'll make quite the project out of it and scan just what we want to keep - perhaps taking the suggestion of a few here and keeping scanned copies of those pics which are identifiable.  If my sister or brother wants pics that can not be identified, that's up to them.  My sister might as she's going to post some on ancestry.  We'll store on thumb drive and probably one more device as backup.  And, some of  you have mentioned not to keep greeting cards  unless there's a personal message.  That's good and I may go with that and take another pp's advice and give some cards to the historical society.

 

Below is an excerpt from a pp.  It's worded very well.  I "think" maybe I feel this way to a point.  Both my parents are deceased and I remember the events which led to these stored things.  I feel like it's letting them go (maybe I do need to do that!), and I feel like I'm keeping their things out of respect for them.  But, I'm assuming they'd still have these things.  Maybe or maybe not.  Maybe some of these things but not all. Interesting as I ponder this.

Lavender's Green wrote:

I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't throwing away my loved ones. Just some of their stuff. I tried to save 2-3 examples of each person's writing, a keepsake or two, and then kept repeating "I am not throwing away Grandma. I am not throwing away Aunt Betty. I am not throwing away my baby," even as I discarded things they had once written, enjoyed, or worn.

 

[Chris in VA]

When you are ready, you can cut up the crib to make blocks for your grandkids to play with.😊 I had a hard time letting go of ours, too, and didn't have time to make blocks. We couldn't donate it because of safety regulations (can't have drop sides anymore,  for one thing). 

 

When we moved here, we had to go through our huge attic that had 17 years of what we thought was important stored in it. I declutter best when I'm pissed off and went through a lot one disgruntled day 😂. It did surprise me how much I was able to literally throw away. 

We still have boxes of photos. I still have two living parents so I just had to go through my own family's crap. We did very well and I was shocked we got it all done. Took about a month. Some boxes were harder to go through than others. 

You can do it! I had to give myself permission to throw out stuff AND to keep stuff, and that helped lessen the anxiety.