Deleting for Privacy. If you quoted, I'd appreciate your editing your post.

[fairfarmhand]

deleted for privacy.

 

Thanks for your input. I feel like I have a plan going forward.

Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[maize]

Hm.

 

Maybe a pair of headphones, earplugs, or those heavy duty ear protectors used for shooting etc.? A very real and visually obvious boundary.

 

"You are speaking rudely right now, I will be happy to listen when you are ready to be calm/polite" then put on the headphones or whatever and go about your business as if they are not there.

[Mimm]

In a calm moment, I might sit down and discuss this with them. That you've noticed the behavior, you've let it go for entirely too long, you're sorry for your part in putting up with it for so long, but you deserve respect and from now on you will be pointing out whenever they are speaking rudely to you, and you won't respond to anything they say unless it's polite. This way they are prepared. Then deal with it in the moment. They say something snarky, and you address the way they are speaking to you and not whatever they are trying to communicate. You allow their mode of communication to being a complete impediment to actually getting things done. You refuse to move on in the conversation till they change how they address you. If they storm away in a fury, the next time you see them, you still bring it up (hopefully after they've cooled off, they will simply apologize). This might mean to start some fights. I am very conflict averse, so I understand how hard that can be, but it is worth it sometimes. If it's time to leave the house for one of their activities, you don't leave until they are willing to be polite to you. During this whole thing, speak as calmly as possible and model the type of tone you are expecting from them.

 

Though honestly, I've learned the value of losing my cool every now and then and totally jumping down my kid's throat. My kids thinks that generally I'll be the calm one and they can be complete jerks to us, but I think it's important to know that I have teeth too, and I'll bite their heads off if they aren't careful. :) However, this loses it's impact if it's done too often.

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 3, 2017 by Catheryn

[Tanaqui]

How do you feel about your DH's coming into the conversation "like a ton of bricks"? Do you appreciate the effort but want him to direct it better? Or do you want him to let you handle it?

[SparklyUnicorn]

Does it actually bother you?  Or do you basically just tune it out?

 

 

[fairfarmhand]

Does it actually bother you?  Or do you basically just tune it out?

 

deleted for privacy

 

Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[maize]

I have to ask (but you don't have to answer, of course), does your dh talk to you that way and the kids picked it up from him? I'm just wondering where they are picking up the language and attitudes in the first place ... because I tended to go to the original source and start there when dealing with my misbehaving kids.

It can be like a two year old biting people: nobody ever had to show them how.

 

In my house the rude person is usually feeling out of sorts for one reason or another. The lashing out is just an expression of their inner state.

 

So another way of dealing with it can be to encourage some self care--send them to take a shower, take a nap, get something to eat, etc.

 

Engaging while they are in that mood though isn't likely to accomplish anything.

Edited November 3, 2017 by maize

[fairfarmhand]

 

 

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Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[maize]

It does bother me. I hate it. Even more, I hate the dynamic that it creates when small things blow up into big ones.

 

So one part you may need to address is your husband's response.

 

Tell him your new plan for dealing with rudeness from the children, then ask him to NOT intervene because his interventions cause you more stress and pain than the initial rudeness.

[fairfarmhand]

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Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[SparklyUnicorn]

..

Edited November 3, 2017 by SparklyUnicorn

[Bluegoat]

I do this a bit too.

 

I think part of it is that the the kids are younger, moms tend t think they are too little to have full self-control, and they lear not to take it personally.  

 

Which is probably right, but then it seems like we don't actually nip it in the bud when the time comes for learning social niceties.

[fairfarmhand]

deleted for privacy.

Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[maize]

I'm finding this book interesting (and trying to get my dh to read it too):

 

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Reg-Child-Stress-Successfully-Engage/dp/B01G5R9O94

Edited November 3, 2017 by maize

[Mimm]

Also in your case, I'd impose consequences. I usually take Oldest's cell phone. (You don't need a phone to communicate with other people when you haven't mastered face to face communication with the people you live with.) Youngest gets taken to her room. Toddlers are so much easier than teens.

 

And I just realized I haven't needed to discipline Middle in so long I'm not sure how I would. Actually now that she has a boyfriend, she's glued to her phone so that would work for her too.

[MegP]

 

 

I use the phrase, "I will be happy to talk to you when I am feeling respected." (Thank you, Love and Logic!) 

 

You cannot force someone to talk to you in a respectful way, but you CAN choose when or if to listen/engage with the person. You control yourself..not the other person.

 

It helps to state what YOU are going to do vs telling the other person what to do.

 

Edited November 3, 2017 by MegP

[maize]

So if this had been going on in my family without any response from me and I wanted to change that I might set the stage by quietly recording some of the bits of nastiness from various family members (including dh) along with comparison samples of polite discussion.

 

Then I'd call a family meeting, explain that I have realized that I have been wrong for letting a hurtful tone and language infect our home without addressing it, play the samples to show what I mean, and explain how I will be addressing it in the future.

 

Maybe find an article or two about the negative impacts of verbal abuse to explain why you feel this absolutely cannot be allowed to continue as it poisons family relationships.

 

This isn't going to solve the problem, but it can establish a footing for your new proactive approach to dealing with it.

Edited November 3, 2017 by maize

[fairfarmhand]

deleted fpr privacy

Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[MaeFlowers]

If I am understanding your situation correctly, it sounds as though you need to start with your dh. If he is interevening when you are talking with your dc, he isnt showing respect. If he snaps at you, he isnt showing respect toward you. It isnt going to matter if he tells the kids to respect you if it he isnt modeling that behavior.

 

I might be reading my own situation into this. Dh was raised with the man as head, while I was not. He would tell the kids to respect me but undermine me by intervening. He didnt realize it or know better. I had to sit down and talk to him about it (kindly). It isnt perfect because it is his defauly but it has improved the situation.

[fairfarmhand]

deleted for privacy

Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[fairfarmhand]

deleted

Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[maize]

So, one of these kids insists that everything is someone else's fault. This is my 19 yo.

 

Their tone is okay.

 

Mom's just in a mood.

 

What's her problem?

 

So then what?

"I will be happy to talk when you are calm sweetheart" along with a hug if she would accept one.

 

Broken record.

 

If you have a chance to encourage something that helps her calm down do that--eat, exercise, shower, nap, read...

[Twolittleboys]

Not sure it is all on you. It is also about the other people's personality. I did not grow up in a submissive home (and if at all then in so far that children should always be respectful) and to the best of my knowledge I have never given my kids the impression that being rude to me is okay. I am VERY vocal about it but unfortunately it still happens all the time. DS makes an effort but just doesn't get why he should even show respect... 

[fairfarmhand]

deleted

Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[Paige]

I think you can retrain your kids but if you are talking about your parents, it may be too late. I don't have exactly the same situation with my parents, but I regularly have conversations with my kids about how we tolerate behavior from older relatives because we love them and it's not worth our time or their hurt feelings to cause a stink about something. We nod and smile w/ grandpa, but with our friends/peers we speak up. I don't know if that's the right thing to do, but it preserves relationships that I care about.

 

For your kids, just stop taking it. Apply consequences, tell them they are being hurtful, quit cooperating, etc. I have a similar situation w/ my 16yr old. He has been allowed some leeway in speaking to me that I now see as a problem. He is not purposefully being rude, but he speaks to me the way he speaks to his peers and I think he sometimes needs to realize it's not always ok. Teenage boys can be idiots and brats, and I don't feel like playing that game sometimes and I see that it is starting to carry over into not just the way DS jokes with me but also his perception of authority and equality. I want him to understand that sometimes I'm not kidding around! Yesterday, for example, we had planned to get coffee after I picked him up. He was being rude in the car, joking in a way that I'd told him before that I didn't appreciate. So...no coffee. We just went home. DS was super sad. I was sad too, because I wanted the coffee, but I wanted him to see that if you speak to people a certain way, there are consequences and they won't want to do nice things for you. I'm hoping if I stay consistent that he will learn to moderate his mouth. 

 

With your 19yo, it's harder because she's an adult. I think most normal, loving kids don't wish to hurt their parents, however. What would she do if you consistently showed her you she was hurting your feelings? Perhaps you are covering up what you really feel too much and they don't realize that you care or are sensitive. You could come up with some prepared phrases: I feel disrespected when....., Would you speak this way to your friends, teacher, coworker,....it hurts my feelings to hear...

[bolt.]

It really depends on how old the people are. Toddlers are taught differently than teenagers, right?

 

I'd start with a non-confrontational conversation where you name and clearly discribe the undesirable way of speaking -- but without any sense that, "This is morally bad, you should have known better, you are bad people." Instead give it all a total air of, "This is a bad habit we are trying to change from now on. I know you haven't been asked before, so no one is blaming you for not knowing, but here's the plan, so let's all give it a shot."

 

I know that can feel disingenuous -- because it has been "mentioned" by dad before, and because anyone should be able to see that unkind words are unkind -- but, their brains have been conditioned by their upbringing. You are partially complicit in the way it has come to feel normal to them. If you simply lead them towards this goal as "a new and better life skill" (without being angry or blame-y off the bat) they will probably happily gradually improve.

 

To do this well, you need two things:

 

(1) A set of non-loaded terminology, one word or phrase to discribe the undesirable behaviour and one for the desired replacement behaviour. Sometimes you need to invent fresh words. "Disrespectful" and "kind" won't do the trick because people can't change easily when they have their "backs up". Change is faster if it's described as something non-threatening like maybe becoming less "under-considerate" and more "thoughtful".

 

(2) A serious level of depersonalization. With little kids, you tell stories about kitty cats and use puppets long before you say, "Sometimes our family members have trouble with these skills just like the kitty did!" With older kids you can stick with, "Sometimes one person says/does this thing to another person, and it's s pribjrm for them because..." and use examples from peer relationships, books, tv etc -- to teach the concept (for the sake of understanding) before reminding them that they can apply it in real life, and you are going to help them do so.

 

After the talk (age-dependant) when it comes up, calmly telling them in some form, "That was an example of what I was talking about. To do it better it should sound more like this." -- and expecting a (depends on age) interactive response of some kind should do the trick. With older kids, and adults you could add "I felt..." or "I didn't like the experience because..."

 

Change will be gradual but reliable -- no 'tons of bricks' or 'demanding' involved.

 

Edited to add: sorry, I missed a bunch of posts while typing I'll look at the new info.

Edited November 3, 2017 by bolt.

[EmseB]

I just say, "Try that again, please."

 

If the tone continues, I say, "I will talk to you when you can stop speaking to me in that way."

 

And then ignore until that point.

 

Sometimes I'll unwittingly respond to a rude tone because I'm distracted with something else and as soon as I realize it, I stop the conversation with the above.

 

Also, I say things like, "Would you talk to [adult they love] that way?  Then please don't address me that way."

 

 

ETA: I don't mean to say they don't love *you*, I'm just talking about someone outside of the family that they would never dream of being rude to and that they would be horrified to hear them talk that way to anyone.

Edited November 3, 2017 by EmseB

[8circles]

I understand your dilemma. 

 

You need to come up with a plan on how you will deal with this that may differ depending on who the offender is. For me, I do think it's important to recognize that children are sometimes not capable of handling their emotions and they need more training as opposed to just being shut down until they do better. I'm sure there are kids who can handle that, but mine can't.

 

I think your DH is a different problem. He is old enough & should be mature enough to not be speaking to you disrespectfully. Does he realize how hypocritical it is to come down hard on your kids being rude but then do it himself? Nothing he says to them will be effective if he is modelling the opposite. Even if he didn't speak to you disrespectfully, his coming down hard on your kids will not work if you are not seen as the driver of the correction. The boundary needs to be erected by *you*, not DH. Otherwise they aren't respecting you, but respecting DH.

[8circles]

Absolutely. I am not sure how to demand that respect from him either.

 

Yep. I'm a doormat.

 

(And I hate the phrase "Demand respect." It sounds so entitled.)

 

 

You *are* entitled to respect as a human being. 

[MysteryJen]

In discussing this with my kids, dd2 suggested her go to comment for the mean girls she deals with. And that is what you are dealing with: mean girl behavior.

Her go to: "You do not have the right to speak to me that way."

 

Rinse and repeat. 

 

Also, maybe it is time for your college kid to live in the dorms and not come home, so she is grateful when she does.

[MaeFlowers]

Absolutely. I am not sure how to demand that respect from him either.

 

Yep. I'm a doormat.

 

(And I hate the phrase "Demand respect." It sounds so entitled.)

 

I don't think you are a doormat. You didn't have healthy respect modeled for you but you know you want better. A doormat wouldn't even try.

 

I do want to say that I dont think you can demand respect. Demanding something shows disrespect, in my opinion. Ask for it, respectfully. ☺

 

With dh, I basically asked him not to intervene. I asked him to trust me to handle the situation. I told him that by interefering, he was actually making the dynamic worse. That by interfering, he showed the dc that HE was the boss and that they then had no reason to listen to me. It was setting up a weird heirarchy that wasnt working. It wasnt those exact words but that gives you an idea. I also was careful to make sure that I wasnt placing blame and that I knew he had good intent (because he did).

 

I dont know your specific dynamic but it helped us. Dh could see the logic in what I was asking. I think that was important to him understanding where I was coming from.

[J-rap]

You've had lots of good ideas.  Maybe you could try a few things.

 

First talk to your husband about your new plan privately, then have a family meeting with everyone.  At the family meeting, explain that you love them dearly, but they need to learn to speak to you (and everyone) with more respect and a quieter voice.  (Sometimes I find you need to be very specific -- like saying "quieter voice" if they've been yelling.)  Explain that it's not just a good thing for their home life, but will serve them well in the world, with their future spouses, in their future work place, etc.  It's learning the skill of conversation, even when two people disagree.

 

When you talk to you husband in private, tell him that you'd like him to hold off jumping in so quickly for awhile now.  You want to see if you can handle it on your own.  You'll have to decide at what point you'd like him to jump in.

 

I wasn't understanding if you husband speaks to you rudely in front of the kids too...  If that's the case, then yes, that definitely needs to be the first thing you address when you speak to your husband in private.  

 

Then, the first time the kids speak to you unkindly, tell them, "Now listen.  THIS would have been a more polite way of saying what you did. (Give them an example.) Now, YOU need to think about a polite way of saying what you need to say, and then I'll be happy to sit down and talk."  And then go about what you were doing and don't respond until they're polite.  Be firm but loving.

 

You may need to give deeper explanations for them to understand how their tone is being taken by others.  Really try and lay out how other people would interpret their tone of voice and words they're using.  You can speak it back to them, and then speak it in a way that's polite and quieter, to show them the difference.  (They might pretend they don't hear the difference, but they do!)

 

If it still isn't working, then you may need to move it up a notch to some kind of discipline.  Taking something away, etc.  With love, of course.   :)

 

I'm sure it's all much easier said than done!

 

If it's any help, my sister's children were exactly like that.  There wasn't a day that went by that one of her ds's didn't yell "I hate you!!" for one reason or another to her.  She would go to sleep crying every night.  She was quite meek, and was a single mom, and had no idea how to handle three boys when they got to be like that.  She didn't give in to him, she didn't stop showing him she loved them, she went on with her day and life, but she didn't know how to get them to stop talking so meanly.  (And there wasn't a mean bone in her body!)  

 

Somehow, her boys have grown into the most polite young men!  It took them awhile.  They're all in their mid to late 30's now.  They love their mother deeply and treat her so gently.  The meanest one of all probably has the deepest relationship with her and is the most protective of her now.  It's interesting.  (Anyway, maybe that gives you some hope!)

 

 

Edited November 3, 2017 by J-rap

[bolt.]

Modelling is also tremendously important.

 

Often, when parents have reason to correct or reprimand their children, adults use tones and words that would not be considered "respectful" between any other two people in the world. Children not only learn from these reprimands (not to do what they are being confronted about) but also they learn *how* to speak that way. They learn that 'these are the strong words' -- 'this is the way humans talk when they really mean it' -- 'this is how I truly change another person's behaviour' -- 'this is how I vent emotions like anger, anxiety, defensiveness, or being overwhelmed'.

 

As the kids grow up and they begin to see themselves as more equal with their parents they can fall into 'reprimand speak' as a two-way street. They have misread it thinking it is a 'family anger' skill (that anyone can use) instead of a 'parents only' skill.

 

So, when you are correcting this particular behaviour, it is really important that you not use a 'reprimand speech' style of interaction. They need to see you using the skills you are asking them to develop in real and proximate ways. (And they will swiftly see the unfairness when you can 'get away' with the undesirable way of speaking -- but they can't.)

 

(I understand that reprimands are normal, and they are not actually 'disrespectful'. I'm not trying to say you can never use strong words to reprimand a child. I'm just saying, probably not to do it right in the same sentence where you are attempting to teach them not to *sound* disrespectful, because, by *sound alone* there are definitely enough similarities to be noticed.)

[fairfarmhand]

deleted

Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[prairiewindmomma]

For the people in my life, the desire to avoid conflict overpowers any ability to advocate for oneself, to redirect unjustified criticism, and to help people who are really lacking the skill of managing their own stress.  

 

Can you find a midway point in which you realize that the person dumping their stress is lacking social skills and use it as a coaching opportunity?

 

For me, one of the helpful tools was just to simply redirect, "It looks like you're really stressed out. You're yelling, you just slammed the door, and you look tense.  Why don't you get ahold of yourself and then we can talk about what is stressing you out"

 

Usually at this point, some verbal vomit comes out of the stressed out person.

 

Repeat, "When you're calm, we can talk about things, but I don't particularly enjoy being yelled at."

 

And sometimes, more yelling still happens.

 

At that point, I raise my eyebrow, like, "duh, you're having a tantrum like a toddler" and walk away.

 

Unless the person learns to deal with their strong emotions, they are going to fail in a variety of situations in life.  I do them no favors by letting them tantrum on me. I certainly don't want them taking that out on their future spouses or my future grandchildren.

[bolt.]

Another long-form teaching reply to "mom is in a mood" is,

 

"You might be right. I do have an emotional life, and I definitely have a variety of moods. You would know, you've been mine for nearly 20 years! However, the thoughtful way to say, 'Mom is in a mood' is, 'Mom, I see that you are having a tough day.' And, given that you've noticed my extra sensitivity, your thoughtfulness skills are a really helpful thing right now. The thoughtful way to make your original comment would be, 'xyz'. Want some coffee? I'm just making some for myself. Maybe another cup for my 'mood'."

[hornblower]

I think you need to talk about these things one on one with each offender, including dh, like when out for a walk or go out for lunch. 

Say "I don't like certain patterns of behavior. I will be changing my responses. I want you to know this because it might surprise you. I hope you will change your responses too because I want our relationship to grow and improve but I know that only you control your own actions and words and I can only control mine. But I will be changing." 

Then think about how you will respond. 

I think with dh, I'd tell him to butt out and stay butted out and let me handle things my way, even if it looks like I'm not handling things. If he tries to butt in, I'd say "thank you, it's ok,  I've got this." or "this isn't helping" 

 

I did and do allow a fair bit of snark and rudeness from my kids. I think it's kind of ok to be obnoxious and snarky at home where they love you no matter what. As they transition into adulthood, I start expecting more self control but still mostly I just roll my eyes at their drama and ignore it.  Or I might say "Kid, you're being really obnoxious. I get you're *****ed about x, y and z, but don't take it out on me. Go for a run or listen to some music or whatever you need to do to snap out of it."  Or I just ignore it and  change the subject. 

Kid - 'rude obnoxious comments and statements' 
Mom - 'hm. Hey, did you hear about that story about Rihanna/the dude who set his lawnmower on fire/ that thing that happened on transit today? Did you see that tumblr post about _____?" 

Don't engage, don't get sucked into their drama and don't let others come into it to stir it up even more. Ignore them, or say 'you're being a jerk' and walk away. 
 

[8circles]

My dh is aware of hte problem and it's not something he's happy about.  But knowing that it's there and changing things are dififcult when emotions are running high. And being motivated to change when the doormat continues to be a doormat is hard.

 

You need to stop this thinking.

 

You are not to blame for people treating you rudely.

 

He knows it's wrong. He knows it hurts you. He knows it teaches your kids the wrong thing. It's on HIM that he continues anyway.

[Murphy101]

Hmm... I've put up with it so much that, as much as I hate it, I don't always notice or stop the conversation when it begins. More than that, I don't know how to put a stop to it in the middle of things.

 

When I deal with things, (probably 30 percent of the time it happens) the conversation goes:

Me: Change your tone of voice, you're being disrespectful.

or

Me: That comment was disrespectful. You do not need to speak to me like that

 

Kid: (in an even more hateful tone of voice) THERE'S NOTHING WRONG IN THE WAY I'M TALKING TO YOU!

 

I try so hard to speak quietly and calmly. If I get just as aggressive things just blow up even more where people are griping and fussing more.

 

These people think its just fine to talk to me any old way they please.

I don't know that my approach would work for you. I refuse to engage with someone treating me that way and I'm blunt as hell about it and do not give an opportunity to "discuss" it. There's nothing to discuss because:

 

"You are speaking to me like a jerk and I do not deserve that. You would not speak to a stranger or coworker or _____ like that, and I sure as hell deserve at least equal decently in treatment from people living in my house."

 

And then walk away.

 

Then end.

 

I will not listen to them. I will not happily get in the car and drive them anywhere. If they try to argue there's nothing wrong with it or any other BS, I just hold my hand up in a "stop" motion and say, "This isn't up for debate or discussion. You were being a hateful jerk to me and that isn't up for argument. We have nothing to discuss."

 

And walk away. Refuse to argue about it.

 

If Dh interfered with THAT, I'd get ticked off and tell him in private that I had dealt with it tyvm and I had just said this wasn't up for discussion or debate. Which he should not take to mean I wanted to hear them argue about it instead.

[fairfarmhand]

deleted

Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[Murphy101]

So, one of these kids insists that everything is someone else's fault. This is my 19 yo.

 

Their tone is okay.

 

Mom's just in a mood.

 

What's her problem?

 

So then what?

Bluntly. No, your tone - your being a jerk to me - is not okay just because you want to do it. And you know it isn't okay bc you wouldn't use that with someone else. Give examples of people they probably wouldn't use it with. I'm not in a mood just because I won't put up with your being hateful to me. And walk away. This is not a two way discussion.

[8circles]

Oh ,yes. I know that.

 

But I want to change my reaction. I shouldn't just continue on. That teaches my kids that it's ok to be rude to mom, and perhaps someday, it's okay to tolerate rudeness from people that you live with.

 

 

Absolutely. Because you haven't been very kind to yourself either, it sounds like.

 

It will be hard to stand up for yourself if you aren't used to it. Especially growing up in a patriarchal family, it will feel like you're doing something wrong. I'm worried that you aren't sure you deserve it so you'll cave in. So at this point, it doesn't matter the technique if you aren't convinced, yourself, that you deserve better treatment. 

[fairfarmhand]

deleted
 

Edited November 3, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[Lecka]

deleted

Edited November 3, 2017 by Lecka

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 3, 2017 by Catheryn

[lllll]

dp 

 

Edited November 3, 2017 by Catheryn

[Lecka]

Deleted

Edited November 3, 2017 by Lecka

[Learning fun]

I used to work in a special needs classroom where some of the children were used to screaming / talking nasty as a way to communicate. I'm very sensitive to how people talk to me and wouldnt allow that so I'd calmly say "I can't talk to you when you speak to me like that, if you want to talk to me in a nice voice I'd be happy to listen". And then just completely ignore. Sometimes they'd get it right away , sometimes it took awhile for them to know I meant it, and sometimes they didn't understand so I'd model the nice way of saying what they wanted to say i.e. I'd say what they were saying in a respectful way.

Either way it seemed to work. Today if my Dd says something in a disrespectful way I'll simply model a nicer / more respectful way to say it. I do this every time because I am again, very sensitive. Modeling is nice because it gets the message across without debates or useless discussion on if the original words or tone was respectful enough. Sometimes after modeling I do say " you can always say what you need to say in a nice way" but that part probably isn't necessary. If they are insisting on speaking disrespectfully then I just wouldn't take part of that degrading conversation- and sometimes that can be a battle of wills but that's okay because respect is a hill worth dying on. If it's because they just are unskilled at polite communication then modeling is an easy and non shaming way of teaching that skill.

 

Edited because of grammar. It's always grammar.

Edited November 3, 2017 by Learning fun

[Mimm]

The primary offender is 19. So that's not really appropriate.

 

I think maybe I'll try the line that MegP mentioned. "I'll be glad to talk with you when I'm feeling respected."

 

Ah, I just glanced in your sig and went off those ages. That is difficult.