Plucky Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 My older kids are getting musical instruments and is more expensive than I normally spend but it is an educational expense as well. My younger two kids don't need anything and their requests are not too expensive. I normally try to keep the dollar amounts as equal as possible, but I think this year I may make an exception. Do you have a hard and fast rule to keep Christmas spending equal for all kids or not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 having grown up with a sister that agrees with me things were never fair/equal I find myself obsessive about being equal. After all I paid for my entire college education out of my own pocket and my sister(a year younger) paid nothing since Dad gave her a full ride. Oh, we both had good grades. So to me equality is everything...it didn't go over my head as a child as my parents think it did ;) anyway, yes, we set a monetary limit per child. I will admit this year the youngest is getting $7 more gifts than the older child...but I got what he asked for and we also have a # limit. We do 3 gifts each child. But this year it's 2 due to economic downturn ! So it's hard to say what you should do...if the kids won't ask why they got a bigger/more expensive gift then go for it. But if they may notice price difference reconsider. I know it can't always be equal(everyone stop throwing tomatoes, lol) but I do try to be equal/fair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I try and keep it equal but with younger kids you can fudge it. Here it is more trying to make sure each kid has the same number of presents! (even if some are cheaper items). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 It just really depends on the year, so I guess I would say no. My kids are way far apart in age. When my oldest was still at home, his gifts just cost way more than a toddler's. Also, some years I may have found a really great clearance price on one of their gifts that made it less expensive. I don't really think kids care as long as they get some gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raders Fan Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 The five of them are so spread out, with vastly differing needs and wants. Soon-to-be-19yods will be leaving on a mission early next year and will need clothing appropriate to the area. 4yodd just hopes for a few small toys. Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted October 31, 2008 Author Share Posted October 31, 2008 This sounds like a good idea. I've always made it equal across the board. Maybe I should tie $ to age levels. All the kids move through the different age levels so it would still qualify as fair. Hmmm, much to think about. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted October 31, 2008 Author Share Posted October 31, 2008 Fair was such a big deal in my home growing up, too. I always try to make things equitable but teens need/want things that are more expensive. I totally get what you mean though about trying to be fair. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted October 31, 2008 Author Share Posted October 31, 2008 I may give the younger kids an extra present. The older kids will know they have more expensive gifts but the youngers may not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Yes...we set a budget and that is what we spend on each of the children. Usually 200.00 in clothing, toys and 100 cash in their stockings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jojomojo Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 No. We try to keep the "delight factor" the same but our kids are pretty far apart in age so dd doesn't know that Lego mindstorms cost 5x what her pony house costs. kwim? This is what we do too. We get everyone a "big present", something they really want. This could be a Nintendo DS for my 10 yr old, but a $30 transformer voice changing helmet for my 4 yr old lol. As they all get older and will notice, we'll probably use $ amount as a guide more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 We try to keep it somewhat equal but I don't look at the cost too much. If I get one kid a big gift, then the other kids get something that they would think of as a big gift. If they get three little gifts, they all get three little gifts. I reserve the right not to be perfect in keeping it close to equal. This year we are getting one gift for the family. No one is getting individual gifts except the littlest because he's too young to enjoy the family gift. Stockings are kept small...candy, fancy socks, a magazine, a paperback book, items marketed as stocking stuffers at the stores. Each item usually runs me between 25 cents and $2 dollars. I try to keep stockings under $10 each. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 My older kids are getting musical instruments and is more expensive than I normally spend but it is an educational expense as well. My younger two kids don't need anything and their requests are not too expensive. I normally try to keep the dollar amounts as equal as possible, but I think this year I may make an exception. Do you have a hard and fast rule to keep Christmas spending equal for all kids or not? No, I try to have an equal amount of gifts but not necessarily money spent. How would they know what I spent anyway? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I've never had two kids at home at the same time, so never had that problem. The "spending the same on everyone" thing always bothered me, though. I like to get things for people I think they will like, and that's hard enough without trying to balance the scorecard. My mom said she didn't worry about how much she was spending on each of the four of us. What she tried to do was make sure the piles were about the same size. I guess it worked -- we were always happy on Christmas morning and the subject of how much was spent on anyone never came up. But then we were always told it was rude to think about the money part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samiam Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I try to keep the piles about the same, as DS5 and DS2's gifts are usually MUCH cheaper than DS10 who wants all of the latest/greatest electronics gadgets. One PS3 game for him is $59.99 while I could get 2-4 gifts for that $$ for the youngers. Although, in the last few years, due to this, we have been discussing lightly but often this with my DS10, how his gifts are more, therefore it would look like he got less, etc. He is at an age where he can understand that. Last year we tried to implement a "one gift" policy. One from Santa, one from family and one from Grandma (who always goes WAY WAY overboard but usually only half of her gifts are ever used :(). Unfortunately this didn't work out as planned, but we are still trying to do this policyt this year too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Do you have a hard and fast rule to keep Christmas spending equal for all kids or not? No. I buy my kids what they will enjoy and don't worry about the cost. That doesn't mean I would spend $10 on one and $400 on another, but I don't worry about making it "come out even." My dad did, and it often meant that my sisters and I got stupid little small things we didn't need so that it all came out even. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I spend the same amount on each child. When they were younger, I made sure each child had the same number of gifts, too, in case they counted them like I did when I was a kid. They each received at least one gift from each of my gift categories, too. Now I spend the same amount on each but they don't get the same number of gifts -- they get what they want (within reason) and they want different things (different styles of iPods, for instance). RC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I have no problem with spending different amounts on the kids and I think your description sounds like something I would do too. Two things: not worrying about that equality teaches the kids from the get go it's not about dollar amounts; and doing it this way also helps teach kids to just say THANKS for their *gift*. Gifts are freely given by the giver -- receivers shouldn't be opining about their gift IMHO (thanks NCD for teaching me this!). Our kids are *fabulous* with this ... me? I'm still learning! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaik76 Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 No. We try to keep the "delight factor" the same but our kids are pretty far apart in age so dd doesn't know that Lego mindstorms cost 5x what her pony house costs. kwim? My mother keeps the amount of money and the number of packages the same, to the point of being ridiculous. She will take apart a 3 pack of socks and divide it into separate packages so that we each have the same number of gifts:001_huh: She has relaxed slightly with my siblings and I but is still fanatical about the grandchildren. She is afraid of anyone feeling slighted. My in-laws are still like this...to the point where last year they explained to two of their kids that they would be getting less boxes than dh and me...but that the money amounts spent were the same! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa B Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 No. We get each child one gift of his/her choice. Then I usually buy a family gift of my choice - perhaps a game for the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 No. I try to stress to my kids that "fair" doesn't mean "same things at the same time". Usually they get roughly the same numbers of presents -- one fairly large gift (usually dh's choice -- he takes great pleasure in picking one *nice* gift for each child), a full stocking, pajamas or slippers and a book on Christmas eve, and perhaps a couple of other books or small educational things (perhaps addressed to both kids). But I don't worry about total dollar amounts (other than keeping it manageable within our budget). I want each child to get something they really want, something that shows we thought about their wants and needs. And sure, I wouldn't give one child a piano and another a winter hat. ;) But if one child gets a doll and another gets a robot kit, I'm not going to worry about how close or far those are in terms of dollar amounts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 ... We try to keep the "delight factor" the same... I like your way of putting that! :) I think that's more what I was trying to get at... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 We focus on giving what each child likes/ wants/ needs as opposed to how much it cost. We do have an overall budget, but we don't go out of our way to make it even or "fair". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy in WI Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I am with those of the "delight factor" camp. In the end, after 18 years of gifts, it will all even out in the end. Besides, if one child will be happy beyond measure with several large boxes and rolls and rolls of his very own duct tape - why spend lots of money. (we did this for one of our sons one year). The thought put into a gift has a great deal of value as well. My parents were and still are very big on the FAIR thing. My sisters and I did and still do think it is a bit funny. They'll call and ask for ideas for a small gift for one of the kids because they still have $10.00 to spend to make it fair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zelda Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 No, we don't. I try to ballpark it but no hard and fast rule. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulMama Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Fair does not mean equal. Fair means each one gets what they need. This year my dd8 is getting an American Girl doll, and my dd2 is getting play silks (home dyed). Something they will both love and adore and play with for hours. My ds4... still undecided... but something to 1) expend energy and 2) involve his ever-entertaining-continuously-running role playing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommytobees Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I think fair and equal and money are all bad-bad-evil words. Life isn't fair and depending on who is dishing out the unfair-ness... and who is getting the unfair-ness makes or breaks the Christmas. I have become VERY VERY careful about "fair". When it gets right down to it, being un-fair HURTS the person who is on the less end. I do NOT want to hurt my children. This goes into adult-hood. My in-laws are guilty of being un-fair. When one adult child gets $500-600 worth of gifts right in front of another adult child who got $50 worth of gifts, it hurts. (neither child was me) Right now, with our children the ages that they are we do 3 gifts. Mind you, 1 of these gifts might be more than one item, but they are all unwrapped as one gift. For example, my dd's WOW gift this year is an American Girl doll, hair brush for said doll, and an outfit. These will all be wrapped and ribboned together. They are 1 gift. At 7 and 10, the totals are similar and will same in close range for as long as that is possible. The dollar amount will ALWAYS be in a close range of each other. Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 It's something I would vaguely keep in mind so I don't overspend, but I think equality is less important in dollar amounts than in the impressiveness of the spread. As long as it looks even, it's even :) The "delight factor" is definately the most important part. The right gifts are the right gifts, regardless of price. :) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 No, not particularly, although we do keep it in mind. Both kids earn money as well as get presents throughout the year, both are spoilt rotten in one sense, so if one wants something more expensive than the other at christmas, its no big deal. However, I think it depends on the child, the overall situation and the family dynamics as to whether it is important to keep it balanced in any particular family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 No - with our kids, there is a huge difference in what they need, like, want, etc...it would be silly to try and make the $'s match perfectly just *because*. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 We try to, but usually end up spending more on my oldest. As long as my kids have the same number of presents to open on Christmas morning, we are good. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 To the OP - we keep things even in number of gifts - sometimes the $$ evens out, sometimes not. There are a couple of issues going on wtih DH spending more on the oldest in a few areas and the middle is getting some feelings hurt and i need to address that. I think fair and equal and money are all bad-bad-evil words. Life isn't fair and depending on who is dishing out the unfair-ness... and who is getting the unfair-ness makes or breaks the Christmas. I have become VERY VERY careful about "fair". When it gets right down to it, being un-fair HURTS the person who is on the less end. I do NOT want to hurt my children. This goes into adult-hood. My in-laws are guilty of being un-fair. When one adult child gets $500-600 worth of gifts right in front of another adult child who got $50 worth of gifts, it hurts. (neither child was me) Right now, with our children the ages that they are we do 3 gifts. Mind you, 1 of these gifts might be more than one item, but they are all unwrapped as one gift. For example, my dd's WOW gift this year is an American Girl doll, hair brush for said doll, and an outfit. These will all be wrapped and ribboned together. They are 1 gift. At 7 and 10, the totals are similar and will same in close range for as long as that is possible. The dollar amount will ALWAYS be in a close range of each other. Kris My parents did this last year to me. They have always done the "surprise" and gotten me/us things that we couldn't get ourselves and worked at our gifts. They turned it into a Passive Aggressive thing at getting at my DH - and there was sooo much that would have made me happy (the "delight factor" that Cadam mentioned). Buy me the $20 book from my list - but we got a Microwave and a Phone. Both items i would have preferred to pick out on my own (i wouldn't have bought what we got, but couldn't exchange them because of another situation going on, man, last CHristmas & my birthday sucked), and really, we have NEVER gotten something like that for Christmas. Anniversary - yes, but never Christmas. The amount they spent on my brother & SIL slipped out - and it was more than double and was more of a "delight item". It stung pretty bad in the hurt area. For the first time in my 39 years there had been zero thought put into my gift. ANYWAY, i'm not expecting much different this year. Although my birthday might be better since DH will be out of town hunting and his parents won't be here adding tot he tension like last year. SOOOOO, now that i vented all that out (guess i needed too), i think the "delight factor" is more important than the $$. Which would be why i'm trying to decide if i'm 4yo is getting the same big item as her big sisters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 We spend about the same between our 2 oldest and in the middle on the our 3rd child and less on our youngest - FOR NOW. The truth is, the younger kids have far more toys because they inherit all the older kids' outgrown ones AND I'm not going to go seeking out expensive gifts for my 2yo just to make it even to the pricey lego sets my 8yo gets. It will all even out over the course of their childhood more or less. Now once they get older - say I have 4 high schoolers rather than 4 very young kids - then yes, I will likely spend the same amount on each child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 a couple of years ago, ER got an iPod, and EK got a stereo that cost about half as much. Both were delighted with their gifts, and it didn't matter that one only cost half the price of the other. This year, EK is asking for a camera, and ER hasn't said what he wants, but he said he doesn't want anything "big". He did mention that he is looking forward to our family's annual Christmas shopping trip, and that, to him, "that's Christmas". It has become our tradition to drive to a larger city about an hour away to visit the malls and go out to eat at Olive Garden for lunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonesloonybin Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 We have a large age gap in our two children so the things they want are very different. We do have an overall budget and we have talked to the oldest and warned her that if she wants something that is expensive. (she is asking for a few things that are $150) then she will not be getting the same # of presents as her younger sister. If we did not have a budget, I would not worry about it and would only think about the delight factor. But when you only have so much...you have to make adjustments. I want to be able to get her what she wants but if that uses up half of what I budgeted...then she will only have a couple presents. She is old enough to understand that so there is no worry of hurt feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoniMoni Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 This is what we do too. We get everyone a "big present", something they really want. This could be a Nintendo DS for my 10 yr old, but a $30 transformer voice changing helmet for my 4 yr old lol. As they all get older and will notice, we'll probably use $ amount as a guide more. Each kid gets a "big" gift, then several smaller gifts. Usually the same total # of gifts to unwrap. Many times it evens itself out $ wise. Fairness was huge for me growing up also. The overall package was more important than the $ amount, as well as whether or not my parents actually listened to my wants/needs. I hated getting duplicates of what my sisters received in the effort of being "fair". For me, I wanted my parents to take the time to think about what I would like. My oldest dd sites the lack of fairness regarding the younger kids getting toys she didn't get until much older. The toys didn't exist when she was that age. She also complains that our youngest and only boy is getting all the cool Knex, Lego and other building stuff. Again, we have to explain that she had other desires that were higher on her wish list. She can't have it all. Fairness is too subjective. We do our best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 No. They each get the same number of gifts, but, they don't get the same amount spent on them. We do a "special" Christmas when they are 7 where we spend quite a bit more on the one who is 7 and get them something they've wanted for a while. We chose 7 because our oldest got her American Girl Doll that year so we decided that the other 2 would get a special Christmas at 7 as well to make it fair. It gives them something to look forward to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodland_Mom Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 We try to keep things equal for our two boys, age 6 and 8. We compare the gifts we are getting them individually and try to make sure that the items are similar. For example, if one child is getting a game, then the other might get a puzzle or a game. If one child gets Legos, the other might get the Magnetix he was hoping for. We don't worry too much about the actual dollar amount, because one gift might be on a great sale, and the other gift may be at regular price. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn in Mo Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Goodness, no. Some of their toys may come from yard sales or good clearance racks. We aim for around $25.00 per child, but if I hit a good sale, one child's actual cost might only be $5.00. Some years we do a bigger thing, but the kids are no more and no less excited than any other, so we don't make a habit of it unless there is something they are really wanting or needing. I would LOVE to get Lego Mindstorms for the boys this year. It would be a combined gift. It would be a budget miracle. lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommytobees Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 SOOOOO, now that i vented all that out (guess i needed too), i think the "delight factor" is more important than the $$. Which would be why i'm trying to decide if i'm 4yo is getting the same big item as her big sisters. I think a big factor to hurt feelings is the age and maturity. Is the 4 year old going to notice that she didn't get _______? Is ______ age correct? My 4 year old didn't get as much money spent on her, a few Christmases ago, but she also didn't notice or care. She was too young to understand. Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I think a big factor to hurt feelings is the age and maturity. Is the 4 year old going to notice that she didn't get _______? Is ______ age correct? My 4 year old didn't get as much money spent on her, a few Christmases ago, but she also didn't notice or care. She was too young to understand. She'd notice..... they are more than likely getting iPods - she'd have something to play with (their old players), but she'd know she didn't get one. She's a techno baby :D But she doesn't NEED one for the reasons they are getting them for either...... So i'm still pondering....... They are sharing their Santa Gift - Santa scored a Wii Fit today at Wal Mart! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommytobees Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 She'd notice..... they are more than likely getting iPods - she'd have something to play with (their old players), but she'd know she didn't get one. She's a techno baby :D But she doesn't NEED one for the reasons they are getting them for either...... So i'm still pondering....... They are sharing their Santa Gift - Santa scored a Wii Fit today at Wal Mart! LOL!!! I'd either get a 4 year old a Shuffle or tell her she may have an iPod when she's X age. My 7 year old has an iPod Nano, but that is ONLY because of our 12 hour airplane ride. But, I'm amused!! Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 LOL!!! I'd either get a 4 year old a Shuffle or tell her she may have an iPod when she's X age. My 7 year old has an iPod Nano, but that is ONLY because of our 12 hour airplane ride. But, I'm amused!! Kris But see, really, she could just have their old Mix Max's.... she's supposedly using the Mix Stick now. The flip side is.... if i get her the Nano like them - i don't have more doll toys laying around to step on. Less Clutter :D Maybe i'll get an iTouch for my birthday and then i'll just give her my old iPod to use! :tongue_smilie: I have yet to hear her CHristmas list either - but i'm pretty sure it's all barbie and princess stuff, maybe an American Girl doll (and i'm not ready to do that for her). Overall she's pretty easy going - unless her sisters get something she thinks she deserves! LOL!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommytobees Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 ROFL!! I think I like your 4 year old!!! I just love those moments of attitude! Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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