Very upset over job situation

[TeenagerMom]

I would remember $40k less than last year is still more than he makes now. I'm going to guess that the dh was making more than $100k before, but now has been offered less than that, but still an amount within the range of his field.

 

There are no quick fixes or recovery to long unemployment. Even if the dh goes through with other interviews and gets an offer close to his old salary, the family is likely going to need to continue on a tightened budget after 8 months with no income. One thing I learned when I wasn't working is that family finances couldn't be too dependent on dh making a certain salary. We had to.live on less than his salary to plan for "c--- happening."

 

Savings is going to run out a lot faster with NO income vs $40,000 a  year less income.  That would buy your DH time to find a better offer of employment. You are either already living on severance, unemployment, or savings.

 

If Savings or Severance,  you can supplement the salary with that money. If unemployment, I can almost guarantee whatever he is making will be more than that.  It was almost comical how small unemployment checks were compared to DH's salary.

[catz]

No, especially not after the way they treated him to begin with.  He can just say, "I'm sorry to do this, but I got this offer, and it's so much greater than what you are giving it to me that I can't afford to turn it down."  He could try to negotiate with the small company to match or exceed the offer, but I would probably just beat a hasty path away from them, because they would already be tainted in my eyes. 

 

ETA: it's not rotten because it would be a big step up (in terms of pay, if nothing else).  It's not like he's making a lateral move to another company for essentially the same job situation.  That would make him flightly. But this isn't flighty, it's making a reasonable move up. It's not reasonable for any company to expect someone to stay when they are offered a large advancement.

 

:iagree:  I haven't been employed in tech for a while, but I did this in the last professional job I had.  I worked somewhere for 2 weeks and an offer came through that was 10K higher and had more vacation and benefits.  The company I left was absolutely livid and sent hate mail to my new employer.  Who thought it was funny.  I spent those 2 weeks editing html in a company with workers with 2 year degrees (they were not up front with what I would be doing).  I had 2 BS degrees from a competitive tech college and I had deep experience in web design and development.  I'm pretty sure I would have lost my mind had I stayed. 

 

Anyway, read the contact carefully, but if he isn't committed to stay on a certain amount of time I don't see how a company can fault him if a much better offer comes along.  If it isn't much better if at all, I would stay.  Start ups can be great resume builders with some patience.  Much more dynamic and creative than large established companies. 

Edited May 31, 2017 by WoolySocks

[FaithManor]

Savings is going to run out a lot faster with NO income vs $40,000 a  year less income.  That would buy your DH time to find a better offer of employment. You are either already living on severance, unemployment, or savings.

 

If Savings or Severance,  you can supplement the salary with that money. If unemployment, I can almost guarantee whatever he is making will be more than that.  It was almost comical how small unemployment checks were compared to DH's salary.

In Michigan the maximum is $362.00 a week.

 

There is not way in heck one can pay rent or mortgage, homeowner's insurance, car insurance, even a small amount of utilities, and buy food on that. Not even here in this low COL, and I cannot imagine such a paltry number in places like Lansing, and Grand Rapids.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My point is that I have come to trust Dh's instincts about his own job.

 

 

 

This

[lauraw4321]

Accept the offer. Do the interview.

[gardenmom5]

:iagree:  I haven't been employed in tech for a while, but I did this in the last professional job I had.  I worked somewhere for 2 weeks and an offer came through that was 10K higher and had more vacation and benefits.  The company I left was absolutely livid and sent hate mail to my new employer.  Who thought it was funny.  I spent those 2 weeks editing html in a company with workers with 2 year degrees (they were not up front with what I would be doing).  I had 2 BS degrees from a competitive tech college and I had deep experience in web design and development.  I'm pretty sure I would have lost my mind had I stayed. 

 

Anyway, read the contact carefully, but if he isn't committed to stay on a certain amount of time I don't see how a company can fault him if a much better offer comes along.  If it isn't much better if at all, I would stay.  Start ups can be great resume builders with some patience.  Much more dynamic and creative than large established companies. 

 

even then . . . dsil's former employer was paying his tuition for his mba.  so, he had to pay it back.  which was less than the difference in pay.

his current employer paid to move them - and he had to stay a year - or pay back the moving expenses.

 

even those with those types of "requirements" in their contracts, there are ways out.  might cost more upfront - but be a much better deal in the long run.

 

 

and - i had to learn to "not" trust dh's job instincts.  his choices affect me too, and they affect our children.  I won't just sit back.  he can put up with wawaaaay too much carp.

[TechWife]

If he interviews with other company and they don't give him an answer before the first day at small company, and he starts at small company then bigger company comes through after that, would it be rotten for him to quit only a week in?

Not at all, it happens rather frequently. He just needs to know he will not ever be able to go back to the company he is leaving. He should wait until he is at his start date for the new company, though.

[Lanny]

Now I am confused.

In your post from last December, http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/631650-need-advice-asap-job-interview-relocation-fast/

you stated that you did not want that particular part of the country, and that you felt your DH should not go through the on site interview process because the travel agent had made a mistake with the travel dates.

 

You wrote in post #15:

 

+1  You have a very good memory regentrude   I remember that now and the thing about an extra night in a hotel, because of an error in the reservation for that and or the airline reservation

[Janeway]

Now I am confused.

In your post from last December, http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/631650-need-advice-asap-job-interview-relocation-fast/

you stated that you did not want that particular part of the country, and that you felt your DH should not go through the on site interview process because the travel agent had made a mistake with the travel dates.

 

You wrote in post #15:

Yes, there was an issue where the travel agency booked the travel wrong and he was informed he would have to pay for it. They booked him on days when the interview was not taking place. He did turn it down. But I came back and posted later that he was able to re-book where he did not have to pay for the travel costs for the interview. I had posted, but do not know how to search past posts, it never works when I try, that the agent who messed up the travel was a new employee who messed everything up and they were able to rebook everything. He went to the interview. He personally hated it. HE hated it. But that does not matter as he was not offered the job. I think it is possible that the screw up with the travel may have reflected on him poorly, even though it was not his fault, my husband does not think he would have gotten the job regardless, and would have been miserable working there if he did. The cost of the travel for the interview was not a cost we should have taken on, and the fact that he did not even get the job in the end means it would not have been a good risk to take. I am certain I posted about it as well as posted more details from when he went to Seattle.

 

I am editing to add..I told my husband when the travel agent booked the travel wrong, he should have immediately have told someone. My husband seemed to think he would look bad if he called attention to the mistakes. He should have called attention to the mistakes. Instead, HE chose to cancel the trip after being told that he needed to provide his credit card number and pay for the trip. It was on MY urging that he called back later and re-scheduled. However, my husband is certain that the hiccup with the travel did not affect him not getting hired. And my husband had made the decision that even if they offered him the job, he would not want it, not me. 

Edited May 31, 2017 by Janeway

[Janeway]

Now I am confused.

In your post from last December, http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/631650-need-advice-asap-job-interview-relocation-fast/

you stated that you did not want that particular part of the country, and that you felt your DH should not go through the on site interview process because the travel agent had made a mistake with the travel dates.

 

You wrote in post #15:

The statement you said about him turning down the interview..that was him. That is on him. That was his choice. But in the end, he did go. HIS choice. That was not about me asserting myself, that was about me NOT asserting myself. He still is of his own free will. But is it really "asserting" when it is his job? He knew what I wanted and he made his decision to what to do. And his end decision was to go to the interview.

[Hyacinth]

Has he officially--in writing--accepted the first job offer? If so, what is his start date?

 

And when is the interview with company #2?

 

[bolt.]

I am not sure I agree with this. The OP's husband has been out of work for 8 months. The OP has been "assertive" in the past and made her DH pass on an almost certain job offer because she did not like the location.

 

The person who has to actually work the job needs to make the decision about the job; with some input from the spouse, but the final decision rests with the person who has to go to work there every day.

I rather think the OP's DH might need to do his job search with less input from his wife and just.get.a.job.

 

Anyway, he accepted the offer. That is a contract, isn't it?

 

OP: He should take the job so he has *A* job. And he can keep looking.

If you were his spouse, your views on jobs would matter a lot in the decision making process -- because that process is supposed to be collaborative. Yes, the person doing the work needs a stronger "say" in the discussion, but in most marriages these decisions (that both people depend on) should not be made unilaterally.

 

You seem to be swapping out ideas here. I don't think that a married person should have less input into a joint decision based on how good her input seems. Her input should be shared openly and taken seriously within their joint life -- not because she is automatically right about this-or-that job, but because she, personally, has to live the shared life that results from the decision. Therefore her personal opinion needs to be factored into the decision.

 

I'm not talking about over-ruling her DH -- but it is important that they manage to make this decision together somehow. It's not right to have one decision maker and one bystander here.

[Guest]

Lots of good and thoughtful input here. Count me with the people who suggest he needs to keep looking and do the interview even if he has accepted the job. He can use another offer as leverage for a better deal or just switch over. That's not an insignificant difference in pay and benefits.

[Danestress]

The person who has to actually work the job needs to make the decision about the job; with some input from the spouse, but the final decision rests with the person who has to go to work there every day.

I agree with this.

 

EDited - I agreed with the general opinion. I have no specific knowledge or memory of the OPs own case.

Edited May 31, 2017 by Danestress

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited June 5, 2017 by tentwelve

[Lanny]

<snip>

 

And, congratulations, btw, on getting closer to the end of your family's stint of unemployment.  That must be a huge relief.   :grouphug:  

 

Yes, I would also like to extend my congratulations to the DH of the OP.  Getting a new job, when one has been unemployed for a long time, is not a trivial task.  And, he was selected, over other applicants, so I believe that he has done well in the interviews.  The trip he made to the other company, months ago, probably was helpful.  I always tried to learn, from each interview.  KUDOS to her DH

 

ETA: from the same poster:  "He seems to need some help in changing the way he's thinking about these companies - as if they're actual individuals with 'feelings'."   Ha...  I was a contractor (Software Engineering Consultant).  Most of the positions were handled via the Purchasing Department of the Client Corporation. The same way they buy paper for their printers.  That's more honest about how this usually works.

 

I worked on a contract in Huntsville. they hired a young engineer for our team and moved him from San Antonio.  How did  he get to San Antonio and then to Huntsville?  A company in San Antonio hired him (for a "permanent" or "direct" position) and then 2 weeks after he began working in San Antonio, they laid him off.   So, he was in a strange city and job hunting again and ended up with us in Huntsville. 

Edited May 31, 2017 by Lanny

[DawnM]

I think it is perfectly reasonable to turn down a job after you find out the offer isn't exactly what you thought it was or isn't what was presented to you in the beginning.

 

My husband was offered a job that he actually DID apply for.....in Wisconsin.  We don't know ANYONE in Wisconsin and I had a less than 0% desire to live there.  He told them it was because of his wife!  hahahaha!

 

I didn't care though, just blame me.   THey don't know me so whatever.

 

 

Edited June 1, 2017 by DawnM

[marbel]

I think it is perfectly reasonable to turn down a job after you find out the offer isn't exactly what you thought it was or isn't what was presented to you in the beginning.

 

My husband was offered a job that he actually DID apply for.....in Wisconsin.  We don't know ANYONE in Wisconsin and I had a less than 0% desire to live there.  He told them it was because of his wife!  hahahaha!

 

I didn't care though, just blame me.   THey don't know me so whatever.

 

Sure, it's always fine to turn down a job offer.   But according to the OP, he has accepted the offer which is making things more complicated.  From the first post in the thread:

 

 

 

I suggested to my husband that he at least go to this final interview with other company even if he has to push his start date back a week with this smaller company, to see if they offer him a job, and if it is better. My husband says no, that would be cruel to do to the small company he already accepted the job with last night.

[winterbaby]

If there's no contract to stay for a certain period of time there's no contract to stay for a certain period of time. People were objecting not vis a vis an obligation to the company but in terms of his own interests (not staying unemployed).

[Janeway]

I think I just need to chill and stop panicking. I do have problem with anxiety and I need to remind myself of this and not get so worried. 

 

I called Medicaid last night to let them know we would have an income next month and what is the process to report it when it happens and how soon will the medicaid end. The person, I assume social worker or whoever it is, customer service..they said the medicaid stays in place until the end of the year even if his income goes up. I would have to re-certify it at the end of the year to have it for next year and I could assume the kids would not qualify. SO, I am thinking that we can just pass on the insurance for the kids and just have it for me and my husband for the remainder of the year, which saves money. Then we can add in the kids with the next open enrollment. But I am also looking at the medi-share program in the meantime.

 

"Other company" is a huge company. They will still be there next year. Husband will have a better resume next year. If they like him enough to hire him this year, after 7 months of unemployment (I know I called it 8 months previously, but my husband pointed out it has been 7 months as of tomorrow) then they should really like him while he is already employed. Besides, "other company" is known around here anyway for hiring and laying off constantly. The people at "small company" seem really nice so we should make a go of it. Maybe a nice, lower stress environment where my husband feels he matters will be better for his emotional well being than the huge corporation environment he was in previously. 

 

So that is the conclusion.

[cjzimmer1]

 

 

I called Medicaid last night to let them know we would have an income next month and what is the process to report it when it happens and how soon will the medicaid end. The person, I assume social worker or whoever it is, customer service..they said the medicaid stays in place until the end of the year even if his income goes up. I would have to re-certify it at the end of the year to have it for next year and I could assume the kids would not qualify. SO, I am thinking that we can just pass on the insurance for the kids and just have it for me and my husband for the remainder of the year, which saves money. Then we can add in the kids with the next open enrollment. But I am also looking at the medi-share program in the meantime.

 

 

 

Just make sure you know what the work's open enrollment period is.  At my husband's company their medical year runs from June- May so open enrollment isn't until April.  Just don't want you to get caught thinking you can add the kids at the end of the year and later find out they run on a different schedule.

[bettyandbob]

Just make sure you know what the work's open enrollment period is. At my husband's company their medical year runs from June- May so open enrollment isn't until April. Just don't want you to get caught thinking you can add the kids at the end of the year and later find out they run on a different schedule.

Absolutely this.

[Janeway]

Just make sure you know what the work's open enrollment period is. At my husband's company their medical year runs from June- May so open enrollment isn't until April. Just don't want you to get caught thinking you can add the kids at the end of the year and later find out they run on a different schedule.

thanks for the heads up on this!

[Garga]

Just make sure you know what the work's open enrollment period is. At my husband's company their medical year runs from June- May so open enrollment isn't until April. Just don't want you to get caught thinking you can add the kids at the end of the year and later find out they run on a different schedule.

 

Right! My dh's runs from July to July, so open enrollment for his insurance starts today.

[2squared]

Getting kicked off Medicaid should be a qualifying event to have them added to a work plan at any time during the year.

Edited June 1, 2017 by 2squared

[Garga]

I think I just need to chill and stop panicking. I do have problem with anxiety and I need to remind myself of this and not get so worried.

 

I called Medicaid last night to let them know we would have an income next month and what is the process to report it when it happens and how soon will the medicaid end. The person, I assume social worker or whoever it is, customer service..they said the medicaid stays in place until the end of the year even if his income goes up. I would have to re-certify it at the end of the year to have it for next year and I could assume the kids would not qualify. SO, I am thinking that we can just pass on the insurance for the kids and just have it for me and my husband for the remainder of the year, which saves money. Then we can add in the kids with the next open enrollment. But I am also looking at the medi-share program in the meantime.

 

"Other company" is a huge company. They will still be there next year. Husband will have a better resume next year. If they like him enough to hire him this year, after 7 months of unemployment (I know I called it 8 months previously, but my husband pointed out it has been 7 months as of tomorrow) then they should really like him while he is already employed. Besides, "other company" is known around here anyway for hiring and laying off constantly. The people at "small company" seem really nice so we should make a go of it. Maybe a nice, lower stress environment where my husband feels he matters will be better for his emotional well being than the huge corporation environment he was in previously.

 

So that is the conclusion.

I have worked for small companies and I have worked for large companies. The small companies are light years better to work for. Once a company gets too big, there is so much mismanagement that goes on. The ideas that the people on the top come up with get all messed up by the time they filter down to the people actually doing the job.

 

There is MUCH to be said for making less money but having peace.

[TX Native]

My dh works for a small company. Although he could get better pay and benefits with a larger company, the small company is better for him and our family. The larger companies in the same industry had multiple lay offs during the recession while dh's company had none. The salary positions at comparable companies in our area work the employees evenings and weekends in busy seasons. Dh is salary and gets to stop working at 5pm everyday and no weekends. His dept just has a longer lead time with customers during busier times. Also, he doesn't have to travel except on a rare occasion (less than once/year) for a few days for a random training or convention. The company offers him medical insurance, but it is too small a company to be capable of offering a decent family plan (if we wanted family medical through his company it would cost us an arm and leg). The kids and I do medical sharing.

[gardenmom5]

with changing insurance - there are times during the year under circumstances you can change.  like  going from unemployed to employed.  if would probably be the month after he starts that your family would have coverage.  I wouldn't even talk to medicaid until after he is employed and you have a date when insurance will take effect.

[Janeway]

Getting kicked off Medicaid should be a qualifying event to have them added to a work plan at any time during the year.

I really want to keep them on medicaid because one of my children has an autism eval in a few weeks and medicaid is covering it.

[PeachyDoodle]

I really want to keep them on medicaid because one of my children has an autism eval in a few weeks and medicaid is covering it.

 

Yes, but if they no longer qualify for Medicaid at the end of the year when it's time for you to re-certify, that should count as a qualifying event that entitles you to enroll them on your DH's plan no matter when his open enrollment is.