long road trip with young kids

[caedmyn]

We're going on a long (2000 miles) road trip in a few weeks.  DH is driving with the older 4 kids (ages 4, 6, 8, and 11) and I am flying with the baby.  I'm trying to think of things to entertain the kids in the car.  Only the 11 YO can read independently.  They will probably end up watching a lot of movies.

 

Last time we made this trip I bought a bunch of toys/coloring books/etc at the dollar store so they would have new things to play with, but most of it either got scattered all over the vehicle, or they weren't interested in it at all.  I also brought some trail mix because someone had suggested that eating it would occupy them for a while each time...they picked out the chocolate and the fruit and the rest ended up dropped on the floor.

 

The 8 YO has sensory issues (sensory seeking) and is quite hyper.  Is there some way to manage this on a long trip?  I can't think of anything but letting them run around at stops but DH isn't much on making long stops and I won't be traveling with them to push for them.

[HomeAgain]

We do a 30 minute alternating rule: every 30 minutes I hand back a new item: toy/book or snack, alternating between the two.  That means every hour there is something new to do and they get fed.  Every 3 hours I stop and we tidy the car: they throw away trash and I pick up the items to rotate back through.  I have some audio books and radio programs (for the last 10 hours of our trip it'll be me and the 7yo only) for this time around, and I've included things like window clings, magnets, spirograph...open ended enough for fun play but easy to clean up.

[bettyandbob]

I would add audiobooks to alternate with movies.

 

I have done a few long trips where I was the only driver. I wasn't into stopping either. However, those rest areas are handy. Everyone gets out and walks around. Everyone goes to the toilet, whether or not they feel like it. Everyone walks around some more. Then we get back in the car and I am a much more alert driver than I would be if I bypassed the stop. And the kids are a little less bored which results in less backseat disputes.

 

Also, before I go, I make and pack all our first day's meals. I drive better on foods I make than fast food. So, one, maybe two, of those rest stops is a quick picnic in fresh air, weather permitting.

 

I hope your dh will embrace the rest area. It's cheaper, can make you more alert and your cargo less grumpy.

[caedmyn]

I gave them new stuff at intervals last time but the whole idea just didn't work out very well.  DH doesn't want to have to go as slowly as we'd have to with the baby between nursings every 2 hours and the whole I'm-sick-of-being-in-the-car-and-going-to-scream-my-lungs-out-the-rest-of-the-trip that sets in with our babies/toddlers by afternoon of the first day.

[bettyandbob]

I just realized what other thread the OP started.

 

Honestly, from your previous description of your dh, I'm not sure he'd follow many options you put in place. He sounds like a guy who would attempt to blast through the interstate getting off for gas and rolling through McDonald's. Then he'd be (angry, frustrated, surprised) that kids threw french fries every where, couldn't get along, and got car sick.

 

I'm sorry if my assessment based on your other thread is harsh or wrong.

 

Based on your previous thread I'd just get more movies.

[Carol in Cal.]

There used to be magnetic games that could be played in the car.

Bingo--sometimes license plate Bingo; backgammon; yatzee, etc.

 

There are also looking for the letters of the alphabet in order, with the winner picking the fast food.

 

Or my personal favorite, the Silent Game.

[bettyandbob]

If the oldest is female, I'd make sure dh knew, managing younger siblings​ was an inappropriate expectation.

[J-rap]

One thing we did when in that situation, is start our driving for the day after lunch.  Drive through the afternoon, with a fun stop or two in the middle (to a park, playground, etc.).  Then stopped for a relaxing dinner somewhere (even if it's a picnic dinner), kids get pajamas on, and get back in the car around 7:30pm.  Kids would sleep while we kept driving til about midnight, usually listening to a book on tape.

 

Another thing some friends of ours did for us once, is they made up a little brown paper bag (sack lunch size) with fun busy stuff for the kids to do every day on the road trip.  They made enough for one bag per day.  So they couldn't open the next bag til the next day.  They'd just have cheap little things in it from the dollar store, but the types of things that would keep kids busy for awhile in the car.  :)  I thought that was such a clever idea!  They also put a list of maybe 5 questions the kids would have to answer every day.  Like, each kid pick a different color, and count how many cars you'd pass of that color in 15 minutes. Or, make a list of all the animals you pass in half an hour.  Things like that.  My kids loved it!

[regentrude]

We found the best thing long drives with the kids to be audiobooks we would listen to as a family. We could pause them for conversation, and it was  a shared experience we all still remember fondly.

[prairiewindmomma]

I think you are overpacking.  IME, the more options you give them, the more unhappy they are. We have always made frequent long-distance car trips--usually just the kids and I.  We also take few breaks--but it really depends on how my sensory kid is doing.

0. Exercise the kids before you get in the van OR leave in the pre-dawn hours to get some hours under your belt before they wake.

1. Find highly engaging movies.

2. Find highly engaging audio books.

3. Pack a water bottle for each person, and a gallon or two of water for refills.  Someone is likely to spill, and packing juices/shelf stable milk/etc. just messes with people's blood sugar.

4. Don't pack crappy (nutritionally) snacks. Again, you are aiming for stable blood sugars. If you must eat in the car because you can't stop to pick up food quickly, I pre-bag meals into paper bags so that my 11 yo who is by the cooler just has to lift up the cooler lid and  hand out bags to everyone.  They use the same individual paper bag as their trash sack to hand their empty bag back to the 11 yo for final trash collection.

5. When you stop, exercise the kids hard....running, jumping, swinging if you can find a rest stop with playground equipment.  We take 10 minutes to play hard, and it is well worth it.

6. At some point, everyone is going to lose their minds. Pack ONE treat that will keep everyone quiet. We call it "quiet time" in the car, and the kids eat their special treat quietly. Sometimes I drive through for ice-cream, but most of the time I'm in the middle of desolate nowhere when people lose their cool, so sometimes it's a bag with a couple of cookies or a box of candy. 

7. Limit how much junk they bring in the van with them. I bought some color coded canvas bags from the $ store which they got to write their names on with sharpies. They could fill that bag half way full with stuff--no more.  Dd4 brings a handful of polly pocket figurines. Dd8 will bring a paperback book, a journal, and a pencil.  Ds 11 usually brings nothing. The kids must re-pack their stuff before each rest stop into their bag and leave it in their seat.  The idea is that you are keeping the van from getting trashed out.  

[Beth S]

My SIL made a homemade Car Bingo game on her computer, with various logos, farm items, license plates, restaurants to hunt for en route.  The kids end up keeping a running TALLY of all the items, rather than just trying to get 4 in a row (for example).

 

Good luck with managing ALL the family?!? ;-)

[Catwoman]

If the oldest is female, I'd make sure dh knew, managing younger siblings​ was an inappropriate expectation.

Based on the OP's other thread, I don't think he will care what she tells him, and that he will do exactly as he pleases. I am absolutely assuming that he will expect the oldest girl to take care of the younger children.

 

I'm wondering, though, how many days the trip will take. It's neither practical nor safe (I don't think it would even be remotely possible) for one person to try to drive that 2,000 mile distance in one straight run. Based on the OP's other thread, the dh isn't used to taking care of the kids, so how will he handle caring for them 24/7 in the car, in restaurants, and in hotel rooms? It doesn't seem at all consistent that he has volunteered to take the kids on this kind of looooong road trip based on his supposed daily disinterest in taking care of them at home.

 

This is confusing.

Edited April 7, 2017 by Catwoman

[gstharr]

Jesus! Isn't that about 35 hours DRIVING time, with 4 young kids and no one helping entertain/supervise?

[Misha]

When we did this, I drove with my girls (then aged 8 ad 9) while my husband drove the u-haul for a total of 20+ hours. We were in a vehicle that had no dvd player and what we did was... 

listened to audiobooks

playlists full of songs the girls chose

sticker books

mandala coloring books and assorted activities that I ordered and hid until they needed something new in the car

near constant conversations between the three of us - a lot of happy memories of those hours on the road  :001_smile:

I also made sure to stop at rest areas/parks every couple of hours for bathroom breaks and so we could run off some energy

 

 

I baked a lot of nutritionally sound snacks/meals that we brought with us (we couldn't eat at restaurants as my one dd has severe food allergies) - I think that helped quite a bit as well, honestly. No sugar highs to come down from. 

 

[caedmyn]

Based on the OP's other thread, I don't think he will care what she tells him, and that he will do exactly as he pleases. I am absolutely assuming that he will expect the oldest girl to take care of the younger children.

 

I'm wondering, though, how many days the trip will take. It's neither practical nor safe (I don't think it would even be remotely possible) for one person to try to drive that 2,000 mile distance in one straight run. Based on the OP's other thread, the dh isn't used to taking care of the kids, so how will he handle caring for them 24/7 in the car, in restaurants, and in hotel rooms? It doesn't seem at all consistent that he has volunteered to take the kids on this kind of looooong road trip based on his supposed daily disinterest in taking care of them at home.

 

This is confusing.

 

He doesn't expect DD to take care of the others.  It's two long days each way.  He is actually quite capable of taking care of the kids...he just doesn't care to do it when I'm around.

 

He probably will do exactly what he wants, but I'm hoping to give them some alternatives to endless movie-watching which results in super hyped-up children when the movies are turned off.  If nothing else, whatever I send that they don't use can be used to entertain them at our destination...who knows if the weather will be nice/non-rainy enough to allow for much outdoor play.

[MotherGoose]

Could you take Amtrak?

[Barb_]

Have you guys done this trip in two days before? 1000mi a day with two people to share the driving and only one or two children sounds pretty harrowing. 4 children and one driver is dangerous. Please consider adding a night in a hotel for insurance.

 

I've driven by myself with multiple kids from PA to AZ and back. I've driven from Chicago to the Florida Keys and I've done the Chicago-Phoenix trip ten times. I know how exhausting it is. I don't drive more than 12 hours at a stretch. According to the research available, fatigued is more dangerous than drunk driving. Sleepiness has the same effect on one's reflexes as alcohol. If you wouldn't allow your kids to get in the car with your husband after 3-4 vodka-tonics, I'd kick up a similar fuss over the plan to push through in two days. It isn't doable.

[caedmyn]

So what is it that he wants to do?

 I don't know.  He probably won't tell me.  But based on past history, they'll watch a lot of movies.  He mostly just puts movies on for them at home if he's in charge of them.  

[Rosie_0801]

I'd be tempted to schedule my flight to make sure I didn't show up until the morning after they arrive so I wasn't the one dealing with hyped up kids.

 

:grouphug:

[Barb_]

I don't know. He probably won't tell me. But based on past history, they'll watch a lot of movies. He mostly just puts movies on for them at home if he's in charge of them.

Then I'd wash my hands of the whole thing, get on the plane, have a nap, feel grateful as heck I'm not in the car, and just let him handle it. Let go and let him parent his kids. I say this kindly, and with no snark intended. Allow yourself to step back and feel the relief :)

 

But that's after you insist he take another day to drive. For me, that's safety and would be non-negotiable.

[caedmyn]

We've done it a few times, always in 2 days.  Actually I was a bit off...it's 1600 miles.  He normally drives all or almost all the way, so there's nothing new there.  And DD can hand snacks or toys around and put movies in which is mainly what I do, besides attempting to maintain some semblance of order, and he's better at getting them to behave than I am anyway.

[Barb_]

We've done it a few times, always in 2 days. Actually I was a bit off...it's 1600 miles. He normally drives all or almost all the way, so there's nothing new there. And DD can hand snacks or toys around and put movies in which is mainly what I do, besides attempting to maintain some semblance of order, and he's better at getting them to behave than I am anyway.

Okay that makes me feel a little better. Not great, lol, but better. Then definitely, just drop it. Close your eyes, let go of the control, and appreciate not being in charge for once. You can do this.

[Catwoman]

He doesn't expect DD to take care of the others. It's two long days each way. He is actually quite capable of taking care of the kids...he just doesn't care to do it when I'm around.

 

He probably will do exactly what he wants, but I'm hoping to give them some alternatives to endless movie-watching which results in super hyped-up children when the movies are turned off. If nothing else, whatever I send that they don't use can be used to entertain them at our destination...who knows if the weather will be nice/non-rainy enough to allow for much outdoor play.

Why do you care if the kids are hyped up from the movies? If your dh is fine with them watching the movies, let him deal with the after-effects. Frankly, I think it would be worse to have them sitting in the car for hours being bored than to just let them watch the movies.

 

Honestly, I think you're your own worst enemy here. You complained in your other thread that your dh doesn't help with the kids and he doesn't spend time with them.

 

Now your dh is finally stepping up to the plate and is going to take the kids on a long, multi-day, 1,600 mile drive while you take a relaxing plane ride, yet you're still not happy. Give him a chance to prove to himself that he can take care of the kids without you. Give him a chance to bond with the kids and maybe that will lead to him wanting to spend more time with them when you get back home.

 

For crying out loud, let the man be a father and handle this himself, and appreciate the fact that you will be able to relax with the baby for a few days.

Edited April 7, 2017 by Catwoman

[Wheres Toto]

Is your dh used to driving long distances with hyper, possibly noisy kids in the car, with no other adult to help deal with situations or hand them things?  I'm sorry but I'd be very very worried about safety on the trip.    Driving while tired, and distracted, and dealing with kids isn't a good situation.

 

I would probably vote for saving the plane fare and using the money for hotel rooms to stretch the trip out a little bit, and travelling together as a family.

 

If that's not an option, I'd let him do whatever he needs to so that he can pay attention to his driving and be distracted as little as possible by dealing with the kids.  Especially if he's not going to want to stop often.

[AK_Mom4]

I've done very very long road trips with small children in the past.  

 

1 - pack some changes of clothes and plastic bags to hold the messy ones.

2 - movies actually work great.  The kids will probably be wild when the driver stops for the night, but that's life.

3 - prep each kid for comfort - their own pillow and blanket within reach.  Maybe they will sleep a bunch (and be awake all night....)

4 - sit that sensory-seeking 8yo OUT OF REACH of everyone else.  I have one of those and being within easy reach of any other kid meant he was poking and prodding someone and making them cry.  

[unsinkable]

Can the 8 yo fly with you and the baby?

[unsinkable]

Oh, the other thing is...

 

What time of day is he traveling?

 

I'd recommend packing the vehicle the night before and leaving at 3 am the first day. Hopefully the kids will fall back asleep and he can drive 5 or 6 hours before everyone gets rolling.

[rocassie]

When we take long road trips, we do audiobooks for most of it.  The kids have electronic writing tablets as wells.  We do movies only once it's dark out.  If we stay overnight at a hotel, we stay at one with a pool.  Before bedtime and then first thing in the morning. Swimming really gets the kids mellowed out.  Other than that we plan a long break at meal times.  We will get carryout and hit a park for the to play and stretch.  If we have to stop in between, then it's a ten minute running around and stretching.  With my young ones, I do a lot of Simon Says and make it about getting their bodies moving.

 

If DH were doing it on his own (and mine would be totally willing), he would do things his way.  I'd give him suggestions, but leave it up to him to deal with it.  My DH doesn't like to make long stops either, but a screaming car of children is more stressful for him so he's learned to build in the breaks to our overall travel time.  Then he doesn't mind it so much.

[StephanieZ]

+ wikisticks

+ those "magic" coloring books with markers that only turn colors on the special pages of the book

+ new videos!!! Lots!!!

+ Jim Weiss audio books

+ candy

+ pipe cleaners 

+ tons of drink boxes, plus water bottles and soda/whatever for Dad

 

Since he's traveling solo, he'll likely need to drive during mostly daylight (darn it) . . . but . . . I've done a LOT of road trips with the kids solo . . . Here's some ideas:

 

+ Feed kids IN THE CAR as much as possible. It buys you a half hour of peace, and it's worth the mess. (Breakfast, snacks, and generally lunch)

+ Stay at hotels with a POOL. If possible, find one with a water slide or similar. Plan to stop for the night around 5-7PM, let the kids play in the pool for an hour or two, while he orders pizza (or similar) for delivery, and eat it pool side. Then, kids to bath & jammies, and sleep! If dh is sick of pizza, he can do a QUICK stop by a Moe's or Qdoba or similar and just get take out to eat by the pool. Honestly, this is my BEST road trip tip, and I've done a LOT of miles with my kiddos . . . Eating dinner by the pool is SO much more relaxing than eating at a nice restaurant. Just gotta' suck up the mediocre food for a few nights. It's worth it. 

+ Eat the free breakfast QUICK at the hotel, pocket a bit for them to keep munching on in the car. Don't waste time in restaurants if you can avoid it. They are NOT fun with little kids, lol. It's better to eat crappy food than to wrangle kids for an hour in a restaurant, IMHO. 

+ Send plenty of road food!! A cooler with yogurts, grapes, and other snacks, especially lots that your dh likes. He can replenish ice at the hotels. 

+ For lunch, if you aren't eating in the car, stop by a Subway or similar, get TAKE OUT, and take it to an outdoor park/space/playground where the kids can run for an hour, while dh eats his food and relaxes while watching kids. I often stopped at historical "gardens" "Plantations" and similar. Just use your google map madskillz and identify potential stops for a play break. 

+ Do something FUN if possible, at least once a day. We have a family tradition of looking for ice cream in every state we pass through. Sometimes, it's a cute local place. Worst case, it's ice cream at a gas station. In any event, it's fun, and it's ice cream!
+ Look for fun places to stop each day, if at all possible. If he can afford to take 2-4 hours to "play" each day, there are a million cool, fun things to do. State or US parks, swimming in a lake, zoos, etc, etc. 

 

 

 

+ I usually limit driving to about 8-10 hrs/day when I'm driving solo, so that's about 500 miles per day, FWIW.

 

 

 

Great idea -- use little paper sacks to make "play bags" and have enough of them for dh to hand out a couple per day to each kid . . . (wiki sticks in one, new audio CD in another, etc.)

[Outdoorsy Type]

Instead of movies, I would consider buying a whole season of a show. I've seen Gummy Bears, Ducktales, Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego, etc.

 

Then one sensory thing like a fidget cube, but not lots of stuff.

[gstharr]

Based on my recent 97 mile free tow, make sure you have AAA.  Not the basic plan, but at least the Plus level. that includes 100 mile tow.   With that range, h can pick repair shop, rather than go back to the tow's repair shop.

[Guest]

Send a **tonne** of food. My kids eat so so much in the car for a long time.

 

Make sure they take more than enough water.

 

Wash your hands of it.

[Carol in Cal.]

Why do you care if the kids are hyped up from the movies? 

 

She cares because she wants them to be safe and happy.  Because she is their mother.

 

For crying out loud, let the man be a father and handle this himself, and appreciate the fact that you will be able to relax with the baby for a few days.

This advice is not bad, but it's delivered so contemptuous and harshly that it's worse than useless.  Way to pile on, Cat.

[Catwoman]

This advice is not bad, but it's delivered so contemptuous and harshly that it's worse than useless. Way to pile on, Cat.

Wow, Carol, I think you misinterpreted my intentions here. :(

 

As you know, Caedmyn's other thread about her dh is still active. In that thread, she has repeatedly said that he doesn't help her with the kids. He doesn't spend time with the kids. They never do things as a family.

 

She basically painted him as a terrible husband and a rotten father. I don't think anyone can really argue with that assessment based on her posts. I think it's terrible that she feels trapped in that situation. I feel so sorry for her.

 

But then she posted this thread and here is the supposedly lousy husband and father offering to let her fly to their destination with the baby and have a few relaxing days to herself while he drives over 1,600 miles alone with all of their other children.

 

This sounds like a pretty darned nice thing to do. Actually, it sounds like an incredibly nice thing for him to do.

 

But instead of being appreciative, Caedmyn is trying to micromanage every detail instead of letting her dh do something nice for her and do his job as a father. Maybe that's part of why he doesn't help out at home. Maybe he feels like he never does anything right. We just don't know.

 

Maybe I did come across as frustrated, but that's because I was frustrated. If I hadn't read her other thread about her husband being so awful, I would have read her OP in this thread entirely differently. But it's like she is talking about two different men in these threads.

 

Which one is the real dh? Is it the one who she has nothing in common with, who refuses to help around the house, and who can't be bothered to ever spend time with her and the kids? Or is it the guy in this thread who has offered to drive 1,600 miles with a car full of kids while she takes a pleasant plane ride and has two relaxing days with the baby?

 

Because I'm telling you, if both of these guys are the same dh, I'd be absolutely thrilled that the passive-aggressive, useless dh from the other thread is stepping up to the plate in such a big way. Driving 1,600 miles with a bunch of kids would have been stressful for Mother Teresa, so I am giving Caedmyn's husband a lot of credit for doing this all alone.

[caedmyn]

He's some of both, Cat.  He does have his good points.  He watches any non-nursing kids for a weekend every year while I go to a ladies' retreat.  He takes an older kid to work with him for a few hours maybe once or twice a month.  

 

I think his main motivation for having me & baby fly is so he can travel faster and not have to deal with a crying baby for much of the trip because our babies/toddlers have not been good travelers.

 

And the main reason I'd like to find things for the kids to do besides watch movies which makes them hyper is because he tends to be easily irritated on trips, and a crabby dad + hyper kids isn't a great combination for a pleasant trip.  And they're not just hyper at night, they're hyper at stops too.

[bettyandbob]

He's some of both, Cat. He does have his good points. He watches any non-nursing kids for a weekend every year while I go to a ladies' retreat. He takes an older kid to work with him for a few hours maybe once or twice a month.

 

 

This is not active parenting.

 

For one weekend you get a break while he plays multiple DVDs and gets fast food for the kids.

 

Twice a month taking an older child to work is not that much. My dh takes my ds to work with him more than that and it's just standard, not a favor for me.

[Catwoman]

He's some of both, Cat. He does have his good points. He watches any non-nursing kids for a weekend every year while I go to a ladies' retreat. He takes an older kid to work with him for a few hours maybe once or twice a month.

 

I think his main motivation for having me & baby fly is so he can travel faster and not have to deal with a crying baby for much of the trip because our babies/toddlers have not been good travelers.

 

And the main reason I'd like to find things for the kids to do besides watch movies which makes them hyper is because he tends to be easily irritated on trips, and a crabby dad + hyper kids isn't a great combination for a pleasant trip. And they're not just hyper at night, they're hyper at stops too.

Thanks, Caedmyn! :)

 

You should probably mention some of his better qualities in your other thread. I know you're very frustrated and when we're frustrated, we don't usually post the positives, so I know you didn't omit any information on purpose, but he sounds so awful in the other thread and when I saw this thread, I was basically thinking, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, and let him handle this!"

 

I still think you should let him deal with everything if that's what he wants to do. If the kids give him a hard time, well.... welcome to your world, right? He might finally see that you're not just sitting on the couch relaxing all day and that the kids are a lot more work and a lot more stress than he realized.

 

Nothing like a nice, loooooooong car trip to give him a little dose of reality. :D