S/o Money and teens

[fairfarmhand]

How open are you with your older teens about your income?

 

My dd and I talk a lot about planning for the future. She's 19 so figuring out a reasonable life plan is something she's interested in.?

 

She's worked at a real estate company for years and she's gotten a good feel through that about the kinds of careers that are well paying and the lifestyle that goes along with particular pay ranges.

 

She knows some friends who are not so fortunate. They look at career paths and think that 30 or 40 k per year is plenty of money and would provide for a stay at home parent and a vacation or two a year. Those friends have no frame of reference and choose majors that may not provide the standard of living the young person is hoping for.

 

How do you provide that perspective for your teens?

 

 

 

 

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[Pawz4me]

We're totally open with our boys about our income, our investments, our net worth, etc. We've been that way since they were old enough to understand that some things shouldn't be talked about outside of our immediate family.

[The Girls' Mom]

We've talked about our income a lot.  Sometimes I think too much with my oldest because she's depressed at the thought of trying to make it on a single income.  

But, we've tried to show them/tell them that they cannot expect to start off at the level we live at right now.  We've told the stories about how dh and I started off dirt poor (I mean REALLY poor), and worked our way up to the level of relative comfort we have now.  We've discussed different careers and the salaries attached.  We've always explained to them why we couldn't do X Y or Z when their friends could.  This was usually because of our unwillingness to go into debt for things.  And now with college searches, etc., money and our ability (or inability) to pay for things has been a big topic.  They've also seen my own job search lately and seen what is out there.  

With my oldest, as we are trying to prepare her to leave the nest, I even set up a spreadsheet that has a sample budget on it.  She can plug in different income amounts and see the effect and how much she needs to make.  

 

[HomeAgain]

We are pretty open. 

 

Our budget is always up on our computer.  It has 6 pages, one for daily budget, one for projected, one for savings, one that is mortgage repayment and so on.  We talk about our goals and how we plan to get there, why we're doing certain things now and what we hope to reap from them later.  Our kid knows that when we say, "it's not in the budget" it's not a finality - if it's something that needs to be there we're willing to sit down together and play with the numbers to make them work for everyone, but at the same time we're not going to change our goals for frivolities.

 

We've sent our kid to finance classes since he was 12 because we wanted him to learn money skills from people outside our family, too. We've sent him to people who are strong in math to listen to them and hear something other than "mom says that." 


When he was younger we found a page devoted to Military Saves Week. There was a game on it, Moneytopia, where you'd start out with a modest income based on an E-3's salary in real life.  And you had to make choices: where to live, what to buy, etc.  It took you through 20 years of changes to finally retirement.  Just going through choices there helped him develop his internal plan.

[Bambam]

I have no idea. We have two. They both have had access to all the same info. 

One has a realistic idea of costs and how much money you might need. The other - non-self-supporting, minimally employed, almost nothing saved college girl, wants to give her scholarship meant towards international travel trip (mostly school sponsored) to another student who cannot afford the trip because that student struggles to cover housing and food costs. Yep, because international travel is a life necessity. 

So, I think some kids get it. Some kids don't. And I think some people may never get it. That isn't the way their brains function. And, you know, there are things I struggle with - and things I have a good handle on. So, it is good to find a mate who isn't a clone - so they can help you in the areas you struggle and you can help in the areas they struggle.  

Edited April 7, 2017 by Bambam

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm very open. 

 

My parents were not.  I never understood why. 

[Guest]

We are open, since we have relatives that like to pass the hat. Said relatives like to mention their salary is sooo low, yet fail to mention that their compensation includes a high pension with retiree medical as well as current medical that has five dollar copays and no premium cost to them, with retirement after 25 yrs. The dc know math, and they now understand how to compare compensation pkgs.

 

We have also been to some interesting public meetings as part of BSA merit badge work. People with nongovernmental compensation have shared their medical costs and asked the school district to improve their housekeeping procedures to reduce the incidences of transferable, preventable conditions such as pinkeye and flu and sanitary conditions in order to cut asthma and allergy costs.

Edited April 7, 2017 by Heigh Ho

[bettyandbob]

We are open about finances. The results in our kids seems to be ... I dunno...

 

My oldest only recently began to show any sense of relating a budget to costs. Despite being open about finances, his teen years included many conversations where he seemed to think not doing something was a specific punishment of him. He's 2E, so there's a lot of stuff converging there.

 

My DD seems to have a bit of anxiety about every​ dollar spent. At some point she decided she was going to choose a career path based on caring for her younger brother (intellectually disabled). I've had to work to get her to just think of college as something to do for herself. She does budget and manages money well.

[lllll]

nm

Edited April 10, 2017 by 1234

[Julie Smith]

We are very open.

 

Eldest loves money talk. He is hoping to get into the money field as a account, banker, or financial manager. He is also extremely tight with money. He doesn't even like other people spending money. Bacuse it is funnier to save it.

 

When my grandmother's will was finally done being dealt with everyone in the family was given 200 dollars and told to spend it on something fun. He went to the bank to talk about investment opportunities. Cause what is more fun then that.

Edited April 7, 2017 by Julie Smith

[fairfarmhand]

IOW, it's not just the income they need to be aware of.  It's also COL and how that plays into the whole thing.  Especially if they're looking at living alone on one income.  There are just SO many factors to consider, seems.  And my dh's income is something that he's built up over the course of a 32-year career, so not a very useful frame of reference for someone just starting a career.  Especially in today's work force.  There's just no comparison to what my dh began with in 1985 and what my kids will be starting with in 2017.  

 

Yes! I totally agree with this.

 

Like my dd looks at our income on the FASFA and according to all of the calculators, we "should" be able to contribute to college. But we have FOUR kids. The costs of things like insurance, keeping vehicles running, electric bills and stuff just all add up. We live frugally, but we also want to plan for our senior years. I suppose that since both my dh and I lost parents early to illnesses that debilitated them to the point of needing physical assistance and there being little to no funds to hire help....it's just something that I think about.

 

I don't want my adult kids to have to juggle their school aged kids with wiping my rear end! KWIM? So we think about and plan for that stuff, probably more than the average couple in our age range.

[Guest]

 

I don't want my adult kids to have to juggle their school aged kids with wiping my rear end! KWIM? So we think about and plan for that stuff, probably more than the average couple in our age range.

Good opportunity to talk about disability insurance as well as joint w/survivor options. we have one set that decided not to elect joint w/survivor. The survivor had to find first job at 63, min wage, and opted out of pension there too. Can't figure out that 65 year old children won't be able to provide the needed in home care to 85 year old parent despite friends experiences,as well as keep up the second home and yard.

[MysteryJen]

We have been pretty open, though super specific until the teen years and the first college search. Then we have had myriad discussions of income, loans, taxes, investments, mortgages, insurance etc. Results are mixed, though most of them seem to show a real ability to say no to non-needed purchases.

 

 

[Liza Q]

Well, we were - and are - very open with our kids about income, taxes, savings, investments, etc. I think it has been good, as even our oldest, who tends to be oblivious about practical things, has learned to manage and save. She and her husband are paying back student loans and saving and are already planning for how they will manage when/if they have children.

 

Our next daughter is more...aware?...and is great at budgeting. She's managed to travel quite a bit as well as save a lot. She likes a certain lifestyle and knows what things are worth to her. When she has a busy week and decides to send her laundry to the laundromat instead of doing it herself, she will automatically spend a bit less at Starbucks. She brings lunch to work every day so she has that little extra money for the weekends.

 

Our teens each have their own plan for saving and spending, though neither of them work yet, so they are mostly managing on a small allowance. So they save any money they receive as gifts so they have a little more for a large purchase.

 

But I will say that my kids are living a way better life than my husband and I led when we were first married, and certainly had more comfortable childhoods than either of us had, even on one income! Their ideas of what is necessary are quite different from ours!

[J-rap]

We were quite open about how we used our income, but I don't think we ever talked about exactly how much we made.  That seemed irrelevant.  They knew when we were going through tough times a couple times, because we discussed it with them.  (Not in a long, dragged out way, but more to let them know that this was a situation and things would be tight for awhile.) 

 

We were open with our ideas about how to be smart about it, and our beliefs about how to prioritize money and how to use it and spend it (or save it, of course).

 

My kids are careful with their money.  I think the older ones tend to worry about money issues more than we did.  My ds in particular is still in his 20's but worries about how he will ever be able to get his children, if he has any, through college.  My dh and I didn't worry about things like that.  We had a pretty handle on our situation and our finances, and just figured it would work out.  I think it will be harder for my kids' generation.  

[Bluegoat]

My eldest is 12 and we've talked a little about this.  She's interested in working with young children, and so we've discussed some aspect of that related to income potential.  I expect we'll talk about it more as time goes on.

 

That being said - 30 or 40K aren't unusually salaries in the great scheme of things, and some people are going to end up with those kinds of jobs. 

[Guest]

NM

Edited April 7, 2017 by WendyAndMilo

[fairfarmhand]

My eldest is 12 and we've talked a little about this.  She's interested in working with young children, and so we've discussed some aspect of that related to income potential.  I expect we'll talk about it more as time goes on.

 

That being said - 30 or 40K aren't unusually salaries in the great scheme of things, and some people are going to end up with those kinds of jobs. 

 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with those salaries and someone has to do those jobs. The rub comes in when your vision of the future involves a single income family in a HCOL area and that kind of a job. In our area, it's going to be pretty tight to live like that depending on how the benefits are in the chosen field and how far you want to drive to get to work.

 

If you have a passion for something and it pays 30-40K in a HCOL area something will have to give. Part time or full time work for both parents may be a reality to just to make it.

[Farrar]

We're open. The kids are young, but we've talked about some of this and we'll talk more.

 

I think it's hard to understand what secretive about this looks like until you see it. My parents were always open and I thought that was normal... until I had a couple of friends whose parents simply would not tell them what they made. Would not fill out the FAFSA. Were offended when the kids asked basic income and mortgage type questions. As if the kids are strangers at a party asking how much money they make and what their house is worth. Seriously. People are weird.

[lewber]

We talk a lot a lot financial issues, saving, investing, taxes, time value of money etc. We don't talk a lot right now about our family's specific situation, but I do think it's very important.

DS is very thrifty. He's a saver. He also thinks he's a minimalist and will not need a lot of money as an adult. Right now he is looking at careers that can be lower earning and harder to find jobs in. We will have to get more specific soon as he is entering high school and will need to consider this.

Our issue not sharing so far is that we are financially comfortable and sometimes that makes it harder to justify not buying him certain things he wants. He will be driving soon and his interests are getting expensive. We want him to work and contribute. It's an ongoing education for sure.

[Mom22ns]

We're pretty open, but our kids are pretty uninterested.

 

My oldest has no clue about money, but we're going to be working on budgeting this summer since he will be moving into an apartment in the fall and will have some expenses beyond the lump sum payments we make for school. He buys almost nothing so money has just never had meaning to him. 

 

My youngest started working before she was 16, likes to spend money, but also to save it. She started a ROTH the day she turned 18. She will be moving into an apartment next year too, and while we'll be working on a budget, I have no concerns about her handling that. 

 

I'm not sure that being open with your finances really translates into the kids having a clue. Some just pay more attention than others. My parents shared nothing of their finances, but I caught on young anyway. 

[Meriwether]

We are pretty open with the older kids and open in a general way with Dd7. We have been trying to decide what to do for the past 18 months, and we've talked about how the various options would impact their lifestyle. We could stay with Dh's current job and stay in our current home. That would mean a comfortable lifestyle, and they could continue their activities and we'd be able to help some with college. But we'd really like to live on an acreage. We could live near my family. We'd have half the income, but my dad would give us 40 acres and help us build a house. Lots of work to make that happen and less financial stability. The kids would not be able to do their activities (wouldn't even be available there), but they'd live close to grandparents and cousins. There would be no money to help with college but they would qualify for financial aid. We could buy an acreage here. So. much. $$$$$. The kids would have to cut at least some of their activities and cut back in the ones they keep. The food budget would go way, way down. Christmas/birthdays would be drastically cut. We wouldn't be able to help with college and they wouldn't qualify for aid.

Anyhow, I don't know if we should be as open with them as we are, but they are learning how lifestyle choices influence the budget at the very least.

 

[Guest]

Open, especially as kids gear up for college and we talk about aid, public/private colleges, how much we have saved and avoiding debt as long as possible.

[Rosie_0801]

When my grandmother's will was finally done being dealt with everyone in the family was given 200 dollars and told to spend it on something fun. He went to the bank to talk about investment opportunities. Cause what is more fun then that.

 

How old was he?

 

How do bank managers respond to people walking in with $200 to invest?

 

 

 

I'm quite open with dd about the reason I make the choices I make. Details about quantity should probably wait until she's 18.

 

We spent this morning speaking to businesswomen at the local market about what they do and what she does and wants to do. :)

[Julie Smith]

How old was he?

 

How do bank managers respond to people walking in with $200 to invest?

 

 

 

I'm quite open with dd about the reason I make the choices I make. Details about quantity should probably wait until she's 18.

 

We spent this morning speaking to businesswomen at the local market about what they do and what she does and wants to do. :)

He was 11. They told him various options, and pointed out that for them he would need a min. 2000 dollar investment. So he has been saving for a GIC.

Edited April 8, 2017 by Julie Smith

[Scarlett]

Ds was told b xh how much cs he pays. So I got to have a discussion with ds about that. He was about 14. Since then we have had many many discussions about various income levels and how people get by. Included in that is how chasing the almighty dollar can destroy people if they aren't careful. That money should be a way to live not the reason to live.

 

He makes about $100 a week. He puts half of his check in savings. I still pay for most of his stuff, but not his goof off money like tonight when he is out with friends. I point out to him that at no other time in his life will he be able to save half his income.